Heroin Alert - Erin Allen's Condolence Register

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I found out in April of this year that my 26 year old son is a H addict. I have done all I can do to help him. He was been to detox and rehab . He was clean for about 3 months. He is back to doing H. I need some help dealing with my quilt. I don't know where I went wrong. I have told him, that this time HE has to want to get help. He has drained me financelly and ment. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is there anyone out there that can help me deal with this problem. I don't know where to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Debbie <DCuddlyKitten@aol.com>
East Haven, Ct. USA - Friday, September 15, 2000 at 00:07:15 (EDT)

I am a crack-head who has tried repeatedly to stop. I have tried to obtain heroin to try, but have failed. Knowing myself, I will continue to try because once I get something in my head (especially drug-related) I don't let go easily. I know that you have suffered terribly over Erin. I have a 12 and 13 year-old whose loss I could not bare. I do not claim to know the state-of-mind Erin was in that night, but I do know this; when I have been using and have flirted with death, I feel cheated that I did not die. See, death and the end of pain is more desirable than another day of active addiction. The truth is, many of us don't recover, ever. I love you and your daughter. God's richest blessing to you...Don
Donald Graham <ncc17017@bellsouth.net>
Prosperity, SC USA - Wednesday, September 13, 2000 at 02:54:00 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, I attended a "Heroin Alert" presentation today and want to offer my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I also want to thank you for the unbelievable courage it must take to get through every day, every time you tell Erin's Story, every time you share your family's tragic loss. I came home and shared your story with my soon to turn 22 year old son. He has heard your story twice before in presentations made at Goldey Beacom College. My son also attended Mount Aviat Academy in Childs, MD. He was there during some of the years Erin attended. He, as well as I, felt the profound tragedy of your loss and think every junior high school child should see this presentation. My prayers are with you and your family. If your courage has saved even ONE young person from the torment of heroin addiction, be comforted that Erin didn't die in vain. How proud of you she must be.
Judy Kaufman <jakaufman@icdc.com>
Landenberg, PA USA - Tuesday, September 12, 2000 at 22:23:39 (EDT)

Marie, I attended a "Heroin Alert" meeting today where you told your story, a story I cannot seem to erase from my mind. I came home from work and logged on to the website we were given. I read your daughter's journal excerpts. While I recall seeing the heartbreaking story in the NEWS JOURNAL I didn't really feel your pain until today. I came home and talked to my family about the profound effect this day had on me and shared what I heard. I have four grandchildren who live four doors away and I shudder to think one of them may accept "Take this, it will make you feel good" someday. I want to do more to help you in your effort to fight this horrible scourge on our society. My condolences go out to you and your family. I pray your courage will be rewarded. Sincerely, Phyllis J.
Phyllis Jankowski <jankowpd@delanet.com>
Claymont, DE USA - Tuesday, September 12, 2000 at 16:40:25 (EDT)

hey evryone i'am 24 i came from a ok family dad raised me alone was very verbally abusive.to make a very long story short 2 years ago i started using now i shoot 15 bags a day have breathing problems and cheat pains daily. in the next month i will have to put my 14 month old daughter elise up for adoption i chose heroin over her. i was given 1 year to clean up ikept using. i respected her to stay spotlessly clean when i was pregnant so she is healthy smart incredibly beautiful. she is in the family thank god for that. but she is not with me and her dad ( addict also) please everyone listen to these stories this drug will kill you. i wish i had the energy to tell my story hopefully it will help but i need to go cop i'am getting sick. see this drug controls you! i hate it and myself for being weak and selfish i know better i have been to meetings and detoxes (left 2 this week alone to go use)i know the things to do i just do not do them i am diagnosed with a mental illness that keeps me using for relief it is not fun to me it is a time consumming chore my dad died in may left me a ton of money i have blown so much on drugs and impulsive things like this new computer of mine if i keep going i will end up pawning all the new things i bought for this drug then my body i have avoided selling myself for 2 years now thank god for that but hey who knows? everything is still a yet.please do not keep using everyone who does that reads this i have been brought to my knees i have seen and done horrible things all in the name of p-dope and the needle.please please take this serious it will kill you physically,emoitionally,spiritually help yourselfs before you lose it all! god bless you!
fran <starbright4876@aol.com>
bridgeport, ct USA - Monday, September 11, 2000 at 05:16:26 (EDT)

I don't know you and I didn't know your daughter, so I can't speak for your family situation. I do know that in situations like this the family, especially parents, tend to blame themselves. What did I do wrong, what could I have done? You read Erin's journal - it was as if she was posessed by the Devil himself. Nothing you could have done. I have good parents, loving, caring parents who I am so thankful for. But I have had my head turned by the Devil as well - it happens so gradually. I would hate for my parents to ever know because I know that they would blame themselves somewhere deep down inside. I just felt this need to let you know that you could have been the most perfect parents in the world and still have this happen. I'm sorry for your pain.
Anonymous
USA - Sunday, September 10, 2000 at 13:59:54 (EDT)

I have heard many stories very much like yours...stories about my closest friends....and myself! It doesn't matter how many times you hear them, each story is different as much as they are alike. Each victim has a soul and was in PAIN! No one deserves to be forgotten because they were in pain and didn't know a "positive" way of handling it. One part of your story that really stood out to me was the fact that when you went to claim your daughter...to say "goodbye,I love you" you were treated as if your daughter didn't matter cause she was a "junkie"! I am so sick of that! I have had the experience of dealing with so-called professionals on numerous occasions where they treated me as if I was a waste of time. I felt like I could hear them saying "you'll be dead soon anyway...why bother" in their heads! The truth is these people and so many others need to be educated. Maybe if they paid MORE attention to these "junkies" and their feelings (via journal, actions etc.) they would understand why so many young people are lost to Heroin...that they were lost already lost and needed a guide. If you read my journal and poems you would read my continuos cries for help. How do you deal with YOUR pain? In a healthy way? (I'm on Methadone Maitenence now and I'm doing pretty good...but there are other destructive ways of dealing with pain!) "We're just two LOST SOULS swimming in a fishbowl year after year...running over the same old ground have you found the same old fears, WISH YOU WERE HERE!!!"
Megan P. <angelgirlamor@yahoo.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Thursday, September 07, 2000 at 22:27:28 (EDT)

Now I have seen people battle with themselves to get help but no matter how much u want them to stop it is all up to them!!!I was in rehab myself,for other reasons then "H"I was into Lsd,i lost 3 people to that drug all so very young too,live and let live u know well sometimes thats not the suitaion at all,I'm not sorry about all the lifes that were taking from "H',because they brought it upon thereself and there is help whereever u goU R NEVER IN IT ALONE!!!NEVER....
Viola Brobsin <Chassity_vod@yahoo.com>
London, Ld Europe - Tuesday, September 05, 2000 at 12:04:57 (EDT)

I am sorry for your loss and it is great to see you taking a stand. I am a recovering Heroin Addict, I used and abused for 26 years, I have been clean for 5 years , I have been devoting my time and energy speaking to students of the grim realities of heroi and other drug. I am lucky to be here , noe doubt about it, but I believe the lord spared me to do his will. We have got to educate our young people of the perils of the demon of addiction. I would very much like to link up to your site .We also have a suport chat on Mondays and Friday evenings for those who need support concerning issues pertaining addiction, you are not alone.If anyone needs someone to talk to, I am willing to share to help. God Bless, Rob
Robert Ross <RM_ROSS@SYMPATICO.CA>
Canada - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 16:46:52 (EDT)

I truly understand your heartache. My 23yr. old son tony died of a heroin/methadone overdose on November 1, 1997. The pain of losing a child no matter how they died is a pain far worse than anyone can ever imagine. Your story of her struggle is incredible and I am sure she is smiling right now knowing that her death might help save another childs life... I was wondering if I could link you site to mine? Contact me anytime. http://www.geocities.com/frankiet65 Frances
Frances Terroni <frankiet65@yahoo.com>
Portland, ME USA - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 11:00:50 (EDT)

I truly understand your heartache. My 23yr. old son tony died of a heroin/methadone overdose on November 1, 1997. The pain of losing a child no matter how they died is a pain far worse than anyone can ever imagine. Your story of her struggle is incredible and I am sure she is smiling right now knowing that her death might help save another childs life... I was wondering if I could link you site to mine? Contact me anytime. Frances
Frances Terroni <frankiet65@yahoo.com>
Portland, ME USA - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 10:56:40 (EDT)

Heroin is great,that bitch couldn't fucking handle it! Use and abuse are two different things fuckers!!!
Eric Lře <Eric_L@hotmail.com>
Steinkjer, Norway - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 02:32:41 (EDT)

My friend died of a heroin overdose two days ago and he was only 16 years old!!Tons of us miss him so much, I wish he knew how lethal the drug was!!Thanks for putting up the page and making more people aware about the harmful and dangerous drug.
??????
CA USA - Saturday, September 02, 2000 at 12:07:49 (EDT)

I attended a Heroin Alert forum in the Fall of 1999, where Ms. Allen told her story. A year later, I can't get the story out of my head. It hit home and brought our area's heroin problem to reality. I have a friend I'm ministering to in prison where she's charged with murder that occured in the midst of her 6 year long Heroin addiction. Part of my major is Substance abuse counseling and I am trying to get involved in the heroin prevention organizations in my area. I admire your wittness and outreach and may God continue to provide you with great strength.
Christy Tenney <djcsten@aol.com>
Finksburg, MD USA - Friday, September 01, 2000 at 00:42:05 (EDT)

I have read Erin's story many times and my heart is stirred each time. We must do something to provide help for teenage girls that are addicted. I presently am the Founder of There's Room In the Inn Boys Ranch, a program for drug/alcohol addicted teenage boys in the state of Pennsylvania. I am looking for people that have burden in their heart to rescue the Erin's of our society. My e-mail address is innkeepr@nb.net phone # is 717-294-6072
Chuck McClanahan <innkeepr@nb.net>
Warfordsburg, Pa USA - Thursday, August 31, 2000 at 15:15:20 (EDT)

I can't believe just how much I relate to the stories posted here. My husband of 7 years has been addicted to H for the last 4 years, and he has been in and out of rehab for the last 3 years. He smokes H but is just as addicted as if he put a needle in his arm, and the pain we have felt is just the same as you who have posted here. He moved out of our home in February 2000. He left Las Vegas and got clean by detoxing with decreasing doses of methadone. He came back to Vegas a month ago, promptly relapsed and got addicted again. Last week he admitted to me that he was using, and somewhere I found the strength to make him leave our home that very day and return to his family in Ohio. He says he hates himself for being so weak, that he feels like he is having an out of body experience when he goes to pick up...he can't stop himself. He says he loves me and wants to rebuild our life together and have a family, but I don't believe in him enough to give up my home, friends, and career to try it again with him. I have given him countless chances, and he has lied over and over again. I have learned the hard way that heroin destroys not only the user, but those around them who love them and can only stand by and watch them kill themselves. I have had to accept that I cannot do it for my husband, but that I do have to take care of myself. He did not
Liz
Las Vegas, NV USA - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 19:38:06 (EDT)

My name is Melanie and I go to Upper Dublin High School..we started a heroin alert program at our school this year...Mrs. Allen you came and spoke to my school,...and i sat in that audience and cried so Hard...my best freind was sufering from a herion adiction and i was trying everything i could to get him help...in the end..i lost...april 25th my best freind died of a herion overdose..he was 17..i was 15 at the time..that was 4 months ago...and nothign has been the same since...i feel so different..like this world isin't real and its all a dream im still waiting to wake up...my friends have been so great threw this whole thing but none of them understand fully my pain...i'm very alone and very scared...and the one person who promised that no matter what he would be there for me isint and it kills me..i'de give up every single thing i own just 2 be able to look at him to feel his great hugs to look into his beautiful blue eyese...any thing..but i can't...but i can't except that either..im the type of person that carys the weight of everyones problems on my shoulders so i put full blame on myself for his death all the if onlys and what ifs...i go threw them everyday...while other teenagers are out partying and drinking and smoking im at my best freinds grave crying and puting flowers on his head stone..what kind of world is this that a 16 year old girl has to do that? but i just wanted to say i now know your pain Mrs. Allen..and after yoru asembaly i walked right up to my freind gave him a hug and said i'm sorry, and i love you, he never knew why i said that but i did. Because at that moment i had a better realization just as to what he was going threw...i would have given up my life it ment saving his thats how much he ment to me. i just want people to know this is no game this is no joke listen to me if your not going to listen to a mother listen to a kid...a teen whose life has been rearanged by another teen, and this horiable drug...m hear goes out to you and your family Mrs. Allen...sincerly,..Melanie Lauder
Melanie Lauder <Melie7284@aol.com>
Ambler, Pa USA - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 00:31:51 (EDT)

Marie, My Loui is out of Daytop and home. Her mom is not the person that she wants to see right now. I guess because she left the program before she finished the total program. She will go before the judge, but I again can't be there. I am the mom that brought her back for breaking probation. She is an AB student and is going to work full time, go to college full time , go to her out patient full time, and even meetings during the week. I don't know when she will find all this time, but I pray she ca do it. She live with her dad and right now she is clean. I hope it stays the same. My some is out of state and in a halfway house, he was extradited from NJ to Baltimore, Ma. He know he needs the program. his habit was as big as Loui's. Thak you for starting this site so people could find something when they thought there was not a sole to speak with. I know all have added to the register. I just want you to know that I am giving this to friends in the town that I lived so that they can get intouch with your police in Del. County. and maybe find a way to start something within the town to keep the drugs addiction level low. All town and I am sure states have their problems. But a parent never wants to see their own child hurt themselves, expeciall when as a parent you know you have tried to teach them differently. I am sure all parents for the most have taught their children to abide by the law. Addicts have such a habit that they have to steal in order to maintain their own habit so they don't get sick. Your site in memory of Erin I am sure has enlightened many addicts, and non-addicts. It has helped me to ead and think straight when times were hard and I had no answers as to what to do or where to go for help. Thank you for being who you are. I am happy that you took your time to write Loui in Rehab and email me. Thank you for all, maryJo bubs4440@monmouth.com
MaryJoErdek <bubs4440@monmouth.com>
Laurence Harbor, NJ USA - Tuesday, August 29, 2000 at 18:37:03 (EDT)

I SEND MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!! I JUST STARTED TAKING HEROIN A MONTH AGO I DON'T DO IT EVERY DAY! I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THAT I READ YOUR WEBSITE CAUSE IT HAS SCARED ME SO! MY LIFE HAS BEEN A DISASTER SINCE MY FRIEND OFFERED ME A BUMP AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO JAIL AND I'M LEFT CRAVING THIS HORRIBLE DRUG!! MY DAD KILLED HIMSELF WHEN I WAS FOUR AND HIS WHOLE IMMEDIATE FAMILY ARE ADDICTS!!! I JUST WANT EVERY PERSON OUT THERE TO KNOW IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS AN ADDICT,THEY HAVE A DISEASE AND REALLY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES!!!I KNOW MY DAD COULDN'T!! TO EVERYONE OUT THERE PEACE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO ALL !!!
stacy <butterfly16057>
butler, pa USA - Wednesday, August 23, 2000 at 03:03:17 (EDT)

Dear Marie, I was sent your daughter's story via E-mail, and I just picked it up today. I wish there was some way I could communicate with you. I wrote a poem entitled "life of an addict", and if I could send it to you personally, I would really love you to see it. I guarantee that you would be able to "grasp" an idea of how "dark" the lives of addicts can be. I am an addict, and I am recovering at this time. I am so sorry about your daughter. She was very blessed to have you in her life. I am blessed with very special people too. If it is possible, I would love to know you want to read my poem. I do not want to put it out on web so freely right now, because I am trying to have it published. God bless you, and I hope I can have the pleasure of communicating with you, and sharing what the Lord helped me write for those of us who suffer from addiction. Maureen Denniston
Maureen Denniston <Is236@aol.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Tuesday, August 22, 2000 at 10:00:05 (EDT)

HI MARIE I WAS SAYING A PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU AT HEROIN HURTS AND I THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE TO SAY HELLO. AND WISH EVERYONE THE BEST.
NORMA FOXWELL <NOFOX52@AOL.COM>
NEW CASTLE, DE USA - Sunday, August 20, 2000 at 11:13:04 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen, i'm so sorry for te loss of your daughter. Your story about Erin has shown me how truly deadly heroin can be, and i'm never going to try it. You should be proud of the awarness that you are giving other teenagers about drugs. I admire you as i know how much it must hurt you.
Anna
USA - Saturday, August 19, 2000 at 23:15:38 (EDT)

I am not a drug addict, but my husband has been fighting it for about 5 years now. I have seen a handsome, blonde, green eyed Califronia Beach Babe turn on to a skinny, sickly looking fellow. He just turned 41 a few months ago and looks 90! He began using at around 14 years old.. pot, beer, coke... When we meet we both used... at 18 I decided it wasnt the life for me. He agreed and we moved out of the state and took 6 months to dry out... month 7 I became pregnant ! Well, I never touched another drug since 15 years! He did well smoking pot once in awhile, which didnt bother me! Then he was injured on a job site and have 3 surgeries on his leg. Lots of pain meds and finally the Doctors thought it was time to try other methods of pain relief.... Well so did my husband ! Smoking herion! I didnt even suspect a thing for at least a year. Then one day a counsler called me from pain management and said the smelt it in the bathroom and he was the only one in there....... Of course my first response was "NO WAY" not him! So I started to watch things, snoop through his stuff and finally one day I found a piece of tin foil in his pants pocket all folded up. I am no dummy when it comes to this shit... I knew right away what it was! I opened it and YES it was! So then the troubles began... all the usual stories of, "its not mine" , I ve never seen that! And the distant look in his eyes all the time kept getting worse! after 2 or 3 years of saying he was clean (me knowing he wasnt) he got busted for possesion............... 5 days in county jail and a 9 month drug deversion class (slap on the wrist! I though finally the fog will lift and we will go on ! N O P E ....... class 3 of diversion... he tested dirty , class 4 again , class five again and was kicked out... HIS story was the counsler doesnt like me ! Another lie........ He admitted to me today he used Friday. And I spent almost 2 hours between his probation officer and his drug counsler convincing them to PLEASE give him another chance...... We have two daughters who need a parent home! I work because he cant because of his disability physical and drug! I just wanted to say I read your story and it made me think more about not all herion junkies are these low life losers.... even good people get hooked..... I pray for you and your family..... I PRAY EVERY DAY MY LOVE WILL BE WITH ME FOR THE NEXT DAY!
UPSET & TORN <TOPANGACHICK@AOL.COM>
TOPANGA, CA USA - Wednesday, August 16, 2000 at 23:46:15 (EDT)

Dear Marie, I havn't spoken with in so long and I have missed you. My Mom has been sending me all the articles from the Wilm paper on your enormous undertaking. I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished! Please keep up your vigil. You are being heard! I know how proud Erin must be of her entire family. Love to you all.
Sue <suezq222@aol.com>
Nokomis, FL USA - Saturday, August 12, 2000 at 21:20:44 (EDT)

My wife and I,both 36 years old,discovered this evil drug late in life,just over three years ago.Since then we have lost everything.Sold everything but our bodies.Living at home with mom because every penny we get goes to heroin gives me plenty of time to think.We don't use to get high.We use because if we don't we will get terribly ill and be unable to care for our children.Sure,unlike alcohol,withdrawal from heroin will not kill you,but you wish it would.I can tell you she used just to get by,to feel normal.When you get the flu you take theraflu,when you get dope sick,you take dope.I hated the people I'm forced to associate with because I NEEDED them to score.People don't realize that if you use heroin just THREE days straight,you will get sick on the forth if you stop.I will pray for her tonight.This drug is evil and brings good people to their knees before they know whats happening.I've been in detox 5 times the last three months trying to quit this devil's powder.I'm making progress.Maybe say a prayer for our children.Last night my wife went out alone and was choked into unconsciousness,wet herself,and beaten.All for 60 dollars.She can't barely speak today,but I thank GOD she's alive.We are good people who compromise ourselves for this ROTTEN,VILE drug.Your poor daughter never had a fair shot.It must have been like her getting into the ring with Mike Tyson.Our kids just do not know.God bless you and keep you safe and warm. RATSALAD2000 & Judipie2000 August10,2000 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
RATSALAD2000 <RATSALAD2000@aol.com>
FISHKILL, NY USA - Friday, August 11, 2000 at 21:10:31 (EDT)

TO: Joyce Fraser, Jersey City, NJ I saw your posting on the "heroinalert.org" bulletin board. Although I have not suffered the same loss as you - I can feel your pain to some degree. I found my cousin dead about 21 years ago from a overdose. We were very close - like sisters. I believe every one feels guilt when some dies - especially a parent. I did - I relived the tragedy in my mind just about everyday - for about 5 years straight.. "If I had done this - If I had done that.. If I hadn't done this ...or that..." I'm sure there is no pain as great as the loss of a child. As hard as it seems logical... You did the right thing to stop the enabling. Realistically... I guess no matter what you would have done - if it were time for your son to go 'home' nothing would have prevented his passing. Maybe, someday when we also leave this earth to eternity we will gain the ability to 'know' and understand. So sorry for your loss.
Catherine <mkt_sys@yahoo.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Thursday, August 10, 2000 at 12:43:11 (EDT)

my heart goes out to all of you people suffering the loss of a loved one, or to those people who are still addicted. my husband has been using on and off for about 10 years. he was also on methadone for 8 yrs (which he just recently got off). after snorting a bad bag of heroin (which landed him in the emergency room) he has been clean for 10 months. sadly, he started using again about 3 weeks ago. for me, the hell is starting all over again. i don't know what to do anymore. we have 3 small beautiful children. i want what is best for them. i love my husband dearly, but i cannot live like this anymore. i can't take the lies, the sneakiness, the nodding off anymore!! please, their has to be an easier way. i just wish that i was strong enough to leave him, but i am not. so i stay. i stay because i love him dearly! i dont know of anything else to do. his parents think he's clean. my parents just told him the other day how proud they are of him. if only they knew. if only they knew the pain i live everyday! what do i do? how do i get him to stop? is their any answers?? please... someone help me!! : (
annie <ilovemypbc@aol.com>
brooklyn, ny USA - Tuesday, August 08, 2000 at 00:12:55 (EDT)

I too lost my son Joey to heroin . 10 yrs. of addiction . When I finally got up enough nerve to tell him I would no longer be his enabler I lost him . God took him home . It hurts so much to live without him . I wish I would have done things differently and stood behind him just 1 more time . My heart goes out to you and your family as I know what it takes to go on .
Joyce Fraser <Joyce 194@aol.com>
Jersey city, nj USA - Monday, August 07, 2000 at 15:04:14 (EDT)

DEAR MRS.ALLEN I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL....I'M SO SORRY I LOST MY BROTHER TO IT ON NOV.2,1998 AND I JUST RECENTLY LOST MY BROTHER-A-LAW TO IN LAST WEEK ON JULY 29,2000 I HAD TO IDENTIFY BOTH BODIES AND IT HURTS SOOOO MUCH,THE HOSPITAL WAS LOOKING AT US THE SAME WAY LIKE YOUR STORY...YOUR STORY TOUCH MY HEART BECAUSE WE DID ALL WE COULD,RUNNING BACK AND FORTH TO CLINICS ETC...AS FAMILY WE WANT THE BEST FOR THEM BUT...YOU KNOW...BECAUSE YOU WENT THOUGH THE SAME THING WE WENT THOUGH... GOD BLESS YOU YOUR FAMILY AND ERIN... THANKS FOR THE STORY,
RUTH <RUNUTOYOUONLY@AOL.COM>
NJ USA - Saturday, August 05, 2000 at 14:57:47 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, Thank you for your sharing. I was so moved by erin's journal. I just lost a dear friend whom I loved very much to morphine/herion overdose. I really dont understand how both can be the same but,it appears that my friend who had been sober for 5 1/2 years did it and died instantly. I know it was an accident but, I know determined to make teens, men, and women aware of this horrible problem. What and where do I start? Also, when does the pain end? God Bless Trying to regain hope, MAX
MAx <maxsped@mail.com>
LA, Ca USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 23:53:26 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I didn't know you daughter but it still brought tears to my eyes when I read her story. I am so sorry. I don't know what it is like to lose a child but I do know what it feels like to lose someone to Heroin. I had a really close friend die from a Heroin overdose. It is so sad to watch a drug take total control over someones life. I respect you for what you are doing to try to keep kids off drugs. My heart goes out to you you are a truly wonderful person.
Hurting <Hope06@webtv.net>
DE USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 17:28:52 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen: I have seen your program two times and each time it has brought me to tears. I work for New Castle County and I think that what you are doing is incredible. My husband has been struggling with a cocaine addiction on and off for about 6 years now. We have one beautiful daughter named Sarah. Sarah and I left her dad in March for about a month and a half. I have been to counseling and have been to a couple of AlAnon meetings, but am looking for more support than that. I struggle with the problems that he has caused (mostly financial) every day and sometimes I just want to just want to take Sarah and leave, but he's doing okay for now, so I want to be there for him. Meanwhile, I struggle with the demons that he has created in me. I've never had a problem with addiction, other than cigarettes, which I quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, keep doing what you are doing. My deepest sympathy for your loss. Keep me in your prayers.
Beth W. <sarahbew11899@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 08:23:39 (EDT)

Dear Mrs.Allen, I was watching a show on A and E about heroin which you were on.I remembered your daughters name on our wall.My brother John Hebert is also on that wall. He overdosed on April 4,2000.He would have turned 33 on August 13.My mom found him on the day he died and I don't think she will ever get over the pain of losing her youngest child.I admire you for the way you keep speaking out on the dangers of heroin even though it hurts every time.I'm sure many kids have thought twice about snorting or shooting heroin because of you and Erin's story.I know my brothers death has had a profound effect on my two teenaged children and their friends and I pray that they will never turn to this poison for comfort.God bless you and watch over you.
Diane <deedee3960@aol.com>
South Hadley, MA USA - Wednesday, August 02, 2000 at 11:06:32 (EDT)

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I lost my stepson to alcohol poisoning on his 16th birthday, so I can say I've partially walked in your shoes. My prayers are with you. In my experience, I found only God could heal me and give me peace. I pray you've found that comfort also. I'd like to share a quote I was given that has stuck with me: If the eyes had no tears, the soul would have no rainbow. Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Diana Kathrein, Parenting Today's Teen
Diana Kathrein <editor@parentingteens.com>
Olympia, WA USA - Tuesday, August 01, 2000 at 00:49:32 (EDT)

I am currently smoking HEROIN
avmurphy <paul_cooper@3com.com>
USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 15:41:01 (EDT)

I am currently smoking HEROIN
avmurphy <paul_cooper@3com.com>
USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 15:40:57 (EDT)

I am very sorry for your loss. I am a 27yr old man who has been addicted to heroin for almost 10 yrs now. I am currently on 150mgs of methadone and am shooting 30-50 bags of heroin a day. At this point in my life i really don't see the bright side and wonder if i will ever be able to stop anywhere short of death. It is really ashame that there is no way to convey the seriousness of heroin to the younger people in our society. I think that just the physical withdrawal of the addiction would make them think twice if they could actually see it first hand. The puking,crapping your pants,the sheer agony of withdrawal. Nevermind the mental anguish and the levels we stoop to to get our dope. I would sell my soul to the devil just to feel normal again without the thought of heroin crossing my mind every single second i am without it,and thinking of ways to get more even when i do have it. Well,you have the right idea. Maybe some people will read this and other messages here and decide against picking up this cruel,insidious and lifestealing drug. If you are someone thinking of experimenting with heroin,just give me everything you own,buy a gun and end it now,because you are about to sell your soul to the devil!
john hutchings <johnyjunkhead@netzero.net>
warwick, ri USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 05:15:11 (EDT)

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am in my forties and have known many people whose lives have been ruined through heroin abuse. My ex-husband managed to escape its clutches after fifteen years and is now living a much happier life. Although you have suffered one of the greatest losses imaginable, your dedication to the cause is bringing immeasurable comfort to people all over the globe. I have witnessed untold pain and vehemently wish that society would educate, rather than condemn, the victims of all class A drugs. To add to the confusion, chaos and inabilty of addicts to cope with everyday life, instead of leading them sensitively back to reality,is both inhumane and short sighted. Your dedication is admirable but wholly understandable.
Chloe
London, U.K - Saturday, July 29, 2000 at 20:16:59 (EDT)

My dearest friend in the world is going through her 2nd detox with her only child. They are in HELL at the moment & there is nothing that I or anyone else can do to help. I pray that he makes it. Thank you for setting up this site. It is the first time that I have been able to let go of the pain that I feel for them.
Lyn
USA - Friday, July 28, 2000 at 16:25:00 (EDT)

Hello, hell low, to anyone who can hear me, the ones who have the daily sickness without the heroin. Just listen to me... the hardest part is having the courage to go thru the dope sickness.. almost entirely the majority of these people who read this are clueless, and can never, ever, know what we have done to ourselves... COURAGE...I realize that is what it took, and a place to kick at.. after that..vitamins, positive ways of thinking, a change of environment and good people..that is what will pull you thru...most of all is the courage to be PHYSICALLY SICK..BEFORE YOU WILL GET BETTER...AND DAMMIT IT WILL SUCK AND BE HARD...BUT AFTERWARDS...PRAISE THE LORD...THANK YOU...I'M PARTIALLY HOME...UNTIL LATER....TIF
TIF <TIFFNED69@AOL.COM>
CHICAGO, IL USA - Monday, July 24, 2000 at 23:40:44 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen, I wrote to you on February 22,2000 and that time i had 20 months and 11 days clean. Today i write you and its been 2 years 15 days clean from heroin. I always read the messages left at Erins' site and am amazed at how many people are struggling with this disease or have a loved one who is. I lost another friend to heroin overdose a few months ago and it devestated evryone. When i attended the funeral i saw my face in the casket and my family mourning me. I suffered frequent nightmares and had to seek therapy to help me cope. But what helped me the most is remembering Erins' story and you Mrs Allen and your strength. I fight this addiction everyday. As time goes on it does get better. I would love to get the message out, if you have any suggestions for me on how to start, i would be ever so grateful. I want to help anyone and evryone who has this demon is their life, including myself....thankyou
Deinna Granato <maddkatt27@aol.com>
Utica, NY USA - Monday, July 24, 2000 at 21:06:19 (EDT)

My sister has been addicted for approx. 3 years.She started using when she was about 17, on and off for a few years, before she actually became addicted.She is currently in jail awaiting sentencing for armmed robbery.I am currently looking after her two children. my deepest condolences to you..
Kelly <kelly2919@hotmail.com>
brisbane, QLD Australia - Sunday, July 23, 2000 at 04:34:05 (EDT)

I am very sorry to have to hear your daughters story. Four almost a year now four of my closest friends have been batteling heroin. I have tried everything, I have stopped talking to them for months at a time, I have told their parents, I have tried everything. For a while I was feeling like I was having a war with them for their lives. Until a few days ago when one of them died of an overdose. Its become more of a struggle now to try to help them with the grieving and recovering as well as grieving myself. I can understand your pain.
Kimberly Cote <KJCote@yahoo.com>
Grosse Pointe, MI USA - Thursday, July 20, 2000 at 15:56:22 (EDT)

MY CONDOLENCES AGAIN. ANYONE READING THE LETTERS SHOULD WRITE TO THE POLITICIANS,SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE.AND RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!
DENNY <VANMANINDE@AOL.COM>
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 22:54:32 (EDT)

Hello, it was very upsetting to read that story of a girl named Erin who is my mirror image. I am only 22 years old. And I have already been to 2 inpatient rehabs and 2 therapeutic communities. I starting using heroin at the age of 17. I have been clean off the dope for about 1 year by the grace of God. I was living homeless before I went away to this program that I was in for about 7 1/2 months. I too was on methadone, it didn't work. I used heroin, cocaine, and smoked crack over it. I overdosed when I was 20 years old. I look at your daughter and I think that that should have been me. I am truly sorry that you had to look this horrible disease in the eye. Because you know and I know that that monster was not your daughter. She was a beautiful young lady. This addiction is nothing to joke about. I have lost friends to it. Thankyou for reminding me to be greatful of life. and my condolences to your family.
Nelly D <Tweekeee@yahoo.com>
NY, NY USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 11:55:50 (EDT)

god bless you and your family u are doing a good thing i lost my boyfriend of two years to heroin he died june of 98 i have been clean ever since i miss him dearly! what u are doing is good going to schools and sharing Erins story i wish i had the courage to do the same god bless you Erin
lisa <vagasgirl2000@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 08:19:31 (EDT)

I am really sorry to hear about Erin. I too was a heroin addict but have know been clean for three months. All these people that have written their condolences are from the states. The seen here amongst the youngsters is different. My backround is Indian and alot of the young asians in the uk that are addicted to heroin are not injecting. Most youngsters like myself tend to chase it off the foil. Basically what I am trying to say is that some people are different they handle there addiction differently. Erin wasn't cut out for it. She should've stuck to smoking pot. I loved brown it gave me that warm dazy feeling there is no other drug like it, "its the dogs bollocks" as we say here in England. But now I want to say goodbye to it. being clean for three months has really made me feel alive. I dont have to worry about feeling sick when waking up in the morning.I dont have to worry about where my next smoke is coming from I feel so happy and grateful to Allah {swt} and my Family for helping me through this if it wasn't for Islam {my religion} and my family I wouldn't have got through this. Thank you for letting me pour my heart out and my sincere condolences go out to erins parents and anyone who is on brown. My message is "DONT WASTE ANYMORE TIME BECAUSE ITS RUNNING OUT. COLD TURKEY YOUR BODY FROM THIS SHIT AND STAY AT HOME FOR A MONTH AND EAT HEAVILY AND OCCUPY YOUR MIND BUT PLEASE ERASE THAT SHIT FROM YOUR MIND"
Imran Panwala <gims33@hotmail.com>
London, U.K - Monday, July 17, 2000 at 20:51:31 (EDT)

First of all my condolences for you & your family. I too have lost more friends and aquantancies than I like to think about. After having a heroin habit for more than 5 years I am currently clean from it; after 6 months on the methadone program, and currently 2 months off; which if anyone else is thinking about trying, it is a very difficult drug to kick if you stay on long-term and let them talk you into a high dosage. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I was thinking about getting high today, romancing it in my head and so on. But reading your daughter's story, and the messages people have left has made me feel differently. I still grieve for so many things, friends, the pain I put my family through, not being able to get high. Anyway, if anyone is reading this and is thinking about trying heroin, please don't. It is the worst personal torment you can put yourself through. Whatever pain you're in now will feel like nothing compared to the pain that heroin addiction brings. If anyone ever has any questions or just needs someone to talk to for help, please feel free to e-mail me. Mrs. Allen know you're doing a great thing. People don't realize how easily accessible heroin is, and how much it has blown up in white, middle class society. My deepest sympathies, and thank you.
Rose <_coolbeans13@excite.com>
Gardinerf, NY USA - Monday, July 17, 2000 at 13:36:15 (EDT)

I am very sorry about the loss of your special daughter, Erin. What courage you must have to tell this frightning story. I, too have a child addictited to this horrible drug. He's 20 years old and has relasped 3 times. I am sending him to a Daytop program in N.Y. soon and have let him know this is the last time I rescue him. It's a very hard decision, but his drug use has devistated the whole family and I am at my wits end. I pray he can finally beat this evil and not end up in jail or worse. This country has it's priorities all mixed up. We send a billion dollars to Colombia to try and stop the supply of drugs. The money would be much better spent in this country to try and stop the demand. Treatment programs and education would be a better option. Thank you and God bless you
T.F. <foyle@erols.com>
USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 22:48:45 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, My name is Amy Hubbert, I am a recovering Heroin addict. I am 19 years old and have been fighting with addiction sice the age of 15. I have been clean now for 10 weeks just recently I placed myself into The Recovery Center Of Delaware, and I now reside in The Oxford House in which Heroin Hurts helped me get accepted into. My mother is affiliated with Heroin Hurts as well. I too have attended meetings at the Riverfront with Derrick as a facilitator. This is my last time in treatment I may be young but honestly I don't think that I can go backl out there again, I have gained so much back, and I now realize that thetre is much more out there at such a young age for me to do. Every day is a struggle for me to stay clean and I look to my family and god to give me the everyday strength for me to stay clean and sober one more day. I have also heard your story many times before, and everytime that I hear it is like the first time I have heard it I get a different felling everytime and I thank god that I have made it this far in my addiction. My heart goes out to your and your family Mrs. Allen, and I am sure that you will see me in the near future.
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, de USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:29:31 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:19:22 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:18:19 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:18:18 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, family, and friends, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I have a 21 yr old brother who is an addict. He graduated to heroin when he was 17. My mother and i have been through hell and back. I cry for you, I cry for my brother. In April of 1996 I found my brother's near lifeless body. It was the first night he had tried heroin. Between the huge amount of heroin he did the 11 beer and God only knows the amount of pills he snorted--his body just couldn't take it. He shut down. However, my brother did not die. The doctors say that if I had not found his body he would have died within the hour. He had 28 minutes. My brother was in shock trauma for 21 hours and the Intensive care Unit for 7 days. None of this mattered because he always went back for more. There have been rehabs, arrests, and so much more. Currently he is out of the country he has been since May. He is free of heroin, but drinks alot over in Europe. Part of me is just glad that he is off the heroin. He is coming back in less then a month and i am terrified!! I pray to God that he is strong enough to resist the Heroin and his crazy girlfriend(who of course is also an addict). My life is consytantly in chaos over my brother's life. I know everyone calls me codependent, however I am not ready to give up on my brother. I feel like I would be abandoning him. I think that what you are doing is great! We need education, awareness, and reality. This site is definitely reality. People need to know how serious heroin is! I commend you on your wonderful effort to educate. My deepest Condolences, Amy
Amy <mountainash1@msn.com>
MD USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 11:31:07 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I found your page while searching for information on heroin addiction, and it has touched me deeply. I cry for you, and for everyone who is hit by the pain heroin causes. My reason for looking up information was because I'm writing a story about a heroin addict and I was looking for some "real stuff". I found it. This is real, not the stuff Hollywood tries to throw at us. Heroin kills, and now I want more than ever to finish what I'm writing and tell people that. God bless you, for the work you have done in the schools and for the fire that your courage in telling your story lit in me. Even though I've never met you; I will never forget you, or Erin. PS. If anyone knows a really good site for info on the techincal side of Heroin(addiction, treatment ect) could you please e-mail it to me? I did find a few, but so complicated and wordy I couldn't understand them. I'm NOT a medical person ;)
Angeline Chai <Angel_From_Siam@yahoo.com>
Chiang Mai, Thailand - Wednesday, July 12, 2000 at 12:03:30 (EDT)

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my only son Jason Anthony Barganier on 3/1/98 to addiction. I am barely surviving his death and my love and prayers go out to you and Erin and your family. In Peace... Sandy
Sandy LaCagnina Doss <MSRTDoss@aol.com>
Memphis, TN USA - Wednesday, July 12, 2000 at 11:50:13 (EDT)

Just like most everyone that has reponded to Erin's story, I too am faced with the torments of Heroin Hell. I have a 20 year old son addicted to heroin. He tried to hang himself while going through withdrawl. You have experienced my worst nightmare...death. My heart goes out to you, Ms Allen, and all the battle weary families fighting the drug war. We are losing our children to the drug epidemic at an alarming rate. The big question is what to do and nobody has the answer. I have tried for six years to save my son from drugs, spending thousands of dollars on counelors and rehabs, but to no avail. The expense on my physical and mental health is astronomical! He is clean right now only because he is in prison on heroin charges. I pray until I don't know what to pray anymore, then I rely on the Holy Spirit to translate my groaning and wailing. We are numb and scared, and feel like giving up at times but we push onward because we love them and the battle is not over. We are in the trenches together and there is a chance to win. There are so many children to save and we have lost so very many already. My soul grieves...
Annette Vitale <amv6@psu.edu>
State College, PA USA - Tuesday, July 11, 2000 at 15:07:47 (EDT)

dear mrs. ellen and family. i sympathize with your pain more than words can express. when i think og the living hell i put my parents through, i can only thank God every day that i am here to try and make it up to them. He is the one i thank for not touching herion although i was completly absorbed in other drugs and it was very easily reachable. if i had, i have no doubt in my mind i would never be writing this message, since i barely made it as it is. through all the terrible pain, action must be taken to prevent to ongoing disaster. thank you, God bless. a.
anonymous <taliend@yahoo.com>
jerusalem, israel - Saturday, July 08, 2000 at 19:06:04 (EDT)

Condolences to you and the family.We have also lost a daughter,Jenny,to a heroin over-dose and,like you, we had to do something about it besides seting up a fund to help other youth.I,TOO,speak to assembleys in schools and where-ever families and young need to hear that tragedies happen in spite of all we do.Young people need to know that they are not invincible;that their choices have consequences and sometimes those consequences are DEADLY.When our daughter died we couldn't find a grieving group which addressed our need although we knew that we couldn't be the only parents to loose a child this way.There is much denial "out there". And so began our efforts to reach out.We are so glad that you are sharing Erin as we share Jenny and if it helps one family or saves one life that is all one asks,isn't it? Our web-site here in San Diego is:www.jennysjourney.org Perhaps if more people would be willing to come forward we could become a group like MAAD and reduce demand for substances somehow. I have probably taken too much space here-sorry. May God's Blessings be wiyh your family and all those other families who are suffering through this scourge.You can be sure that our children(daughters and sons)who have left us far too early are cheering from the side-lines. p.s.I am new to commputers and do not yet know how to correct my mistakes,so bear with me readers Thank-you, Pat,Jenny's Mom.
Jenny's Mom,Pat. <rpwittberger@home.com>
San Diego, Ca USA - Friday, July 07, 2000 at 12:57:13 (EDT)

Condolences on Erin's death.I,too,have lost a daughter to a heroin over-dose and make appearances in middle & high schools and everywhere else that youth and families need to hear these tragic stories.Young people need to know that they are not invincible and it doesn't just happen to "every-one else". The choices they make have consequences-and-sometimes those choices are deadly. I am so glad to know that you are sharing Erin in this way,too.When our Jenny died,we could not even find a grieving group to address this issue although we knew we couldn't be the only family to loose a child this way.There is too much denial and hiding truth "out there".That is one of the reasons we decided to step forward and try to save even one life-one family from having the pain that you and I and many,many others endure.Our web-site in Ca.is:www.jennysjourney.org We should somehow have other mothers across the nation join us like a MAAD. You can be sure that our daughters(and those sons who have also passed) cheer us on in the fight. God Bless your family and all others who struggle each day.
Jenny's Mom Pat <rpwittberger@home.com>
Chula Vista , Ca USA - Friday, July 07, 2000 at 12:17:16 (EDT)

At last we meet again, dear God Hear the angels sing The funerals are nicer, when we know you're there when the angels sing sometimes I try so hard to understand the things you do I like to question you when it all comes down Hear the angels sing chorus: stand up strong feel the pain when the angels sing love and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing the prisoners pray when they're on death row when the angels sing the junky cries for love, but its all run out When the angels sing the sins of the world, and its cold on the streets and you're all alone And the tears they start to fall when it all comes down Hear the angels sing chorus: stand up strong feel the pain when the angels sing love and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing little by little, day by day I watch the children play 'cause life and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing when the angel of death, comes a looking for me Hear the angels sing I hope I was everything I was supposed to be when the angels sing There's gotta be a heaven, cause I've already done my time in hell and a little baby's born, when it all comes down Hear the angels sing repeat 2nd chorus
Shon <hurley_international999@hotmail.com>
Salt Lake City, Ut USA - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 23:30:17 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen, I was really saddened to read the story of Erin, you must miss her dearly. Unfortunately I am in the same situation having been an addict for nearly 6 years now. I have just set up a site for addicts and I hope it will be okay if I put a link to yours on it. Addicts should read Erin's story and the messages above, it might help. Everyday is a stuggle but hopefully with the help from sites like yours and mine, we will get some support from people that understand our situation. Please accept my condolences. I know that nothing I (or anyone else) says or does will bring her back but at least she is no longer suffering. Yours, Nicky PS I hope you dont think I am being too cheeky by listing my site address (www.stas.net/heroinaddict)
Nicky <brown_addict@yahoo.co.uk>
UK - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 16:07:22 (EDT)

I'm a Junior at Pittston Area High School. The presentation you gave at our school touched all of our lives I cried through the whole thing I feel terrible I know you miss Erin dearly. "Its hard to lose a family member but even harder to lose a child" thats what my mom always told me. Mrs.Allen my heart goes out to you. I wouldve put somethin in earlier but I lost the address. Your speech taught me alot I have done pot before only once and never thought about the dangers of it and I wont even look at it when i'm at parties now I hope your speech affected people the way it has affected me.
Jonelle <Pbear66@AOL.com>
Pittston, PA USA - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 00:16:25 (EDT)

A very powerful site, and an extremely powerful message. Please continue your good work.
Joel
anchorage, ak USA - Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 19:20:26 (EDT)

Ms. Allen, I was very touched by your story about Ellen. I know your pain well and you are not alone. I lost my brother to heroin, Mother's Day 2000. He was 23 yrs. old and struggled for 3 years, going through treatment after treatment, and then relapsing. He tried just like Erin over and over again. My heart and prayers go out to you. Thank you for your website, you are giving strength to those who have lost someone special to heroin. Always remember we have a redeemer who promises us eternal life, Jesus.
Darlene <missbongo@homestead.com>
Spring Grove, PA USA - Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 18:13:11 (EDT)

I too have a daughter who is addicted and you have experienced my worst fear, that someday I will have to identify her in the morgue. She too has tried to stay away from drugs, unsuccessfully. My heart aches for you and all of us who are unable to help those we love the most. The heartbreak of not ever understanding why they cannot help themselves. My daughter is 29 and has been doing drugs since 13. She has a 5 year old son who lives in a hell none of us can ever imagine. He has a mother who cannot help him because she cannot help herself.
Kym <Zayna27@aol.com>
Pottstown, PA USA - Tuesday, June 27, 2000 at 14:48:47 (EDT)

OUR DEEPEST SYMPATHY GOES OUT TO ERIN'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND GOD BLESS YOU ERIN.
FRANCA AND ADAM <DRAGULA_2000@HOTMAIL.COM>
CARNARVON, WA AUSTRALIA - Tuesday, June 27, 2000 at 03:47:07 (EDT)

I wanted to let you know how effective I think this page is. I saw your presentation yesterday, I signed up through the State of Delaware, where I am employeed. The presentation hit home for me for a few reasons. I have a younger sister who has lost several friends to overdoses and I have watched her heart break every time and mine has broken as a result. Sometimes I fear for my sister's life. I went to high school with Erin. I did not know her but I remember seeing her in the halls. Her and I had a mutual friend. I used to think that these kids got involved with drugs because they didnt have their head screwed on straight. Over the past few years I have come to realize that bad things happen to good people. This is true in Erin's case and in many other young people who have been a part of my life. My only hope is that with death, addicts will find the peace and comfort that they have longed for. My thoughts are with you. Andie
Andrea Gorrell <andreagorrell@hotmail.com>
Rising Sun, md USA - Friday, June 23, 2000 at 12:00:10 (EDT)

I am a recovering heroin addict and have lost several friends to either overdoses or AIDS. I have been clean for some time now but its only today that counts. I want you to know that by posting Erins story on the web you have at the very least kept me clean today. You have made it certain that Erins death is not in vain. Keep sharing her story with others...it saves lives. It saved mine today...THANK YOU.
Steve H <dirtmover@sprynet.com>
San Francisco, Ca USA - Friday, June 23, 2000 at 01:06:09 (EDT)

I am a radio talk show host on a local station here in Richmond, and I'm doing a show on heroin addiction with a parent who lost his oldest son to a heroin overdose. I will like to share Erin's story with my listenting audience, as well as the address for the Memorial Fund. My prayers are with you, and all other families finding themselves grieving the loss of a loved one to drugs.
gloria taylor edwards <vftdgte@aol.com>
Richmond, VA USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 14:26:15 (EDT)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! I had a brother and a best friend who I lost a year ago. He was 23 years old. I get so so mad at herion. It stole one of the many things that I valued most in life. It gave me back pain that will never go away. The one thing that does help a small amount is remembering that god needs beatiful young flowers for his garden too. As I sit hear at work crying for the pain that your family is feeling, I want you to know that if there is ever ANYTHING that I can do, I am here!!!! I am so sorry for you loss. Please take care of yourselves.
Rhonda Hoyman <rth@ddwpc.com>
Pittsburgh, Pa USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 14:15:18 (EDT)

my heart and thoughts are w/ your family. addiction is the worst thing for the addict themselves and their family to deal with. peace be with you
lisa <runaroundsound@gateway.com>
liverpool, ny USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 13:19:42 (EDT)

i am so sorry for your loos im a recoverying adict and it is so hard some times to not just use ill pray for you and your family god be with you
denise <devine1996@aol.com>
baltimore, md USA - Saturday, June 17, 2000 at 13:37:07 (EDT)

I was so sad reading your story. My daughter was on heroin for almost a year and has been clean for 16 months. She is on the methadone treatment and probably will be for the rest of her life because of her injuries. I am so grateful that she is alive and so very sorry your daughter didn't make it out.
Teresa <tdtfla@aol.com>
Orlando, fl USA - Friday, June 16, 2000 at 01:49:32 (EDT)

I am still crying after reading your story about erin. i sarted using heroin first by smoking it but not long after i was doing speed balls. this is my third day clean after a year of usage and i am almost free, my heart and soul goes out to you. the last month i had wanted to o.d i just could not stop. i had so much going for me but i was wasting away. so i think i am on the right track now and i give my condolences to you. thank you for doing this web site. i feel your pain sooooo much because i thought about overdosing my self. sincercley , rebecca ward
rebecca ward <innertwined@hotmail.com>
carlsbad, c.a USA - Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 17:17:14 (EDT)

TO: Anonymous New York, NY USA Maybe you could print out the condolence register and give/or mail it to your brother - he MAY be able to feel the pain in these real-life testimonies - HEROIN IS 'NOT' A RECREATIONAL DRUG.
C VALERA <MKT_SYS@YAHOO.COM>
WILM, DE USA - Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 07:56:35 (EDT)

So much of me can't believe that I belong in this group as I read everyone's comments about heroin addiction. But i do. and now after years of dealing with this, and a $4000 last ditch effort at a rapid detox, my 20 year old brother is still lost to us, and i just found out yesterday has made the switch to I.V. use. i have never felt pain this deep and i just pray that one day my sweet family can be restored to some normalcy, with or without him. it is so hard to have someone become dead while they are technically still living. perhaps now is the time to pray because nothing else seems to work. i miss my brother.
Anonymous
New York, NY USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 21:59:54 (EDT)

the story about your daughter really touched me. my boyfriend of 5 years who i love dearly is addicted to heroin. i've tried to help him, but nothing i could ever say or do seems to help. my worst fear is to lose him to drugs. if only they could understand how us, the people who love them feel, maybe they would stop. right now it is looking hopeless to me. please pray for him. his name is kenny and we could use every prayer we can. god bless you and your family and all the people who loved your daughter. she is no longer in any pain and she is shining down on all of you. thankyou.
rosalee cadieux <nysfinestroro @ aol.com>
elmont, ny USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 18:54:12 (EDT)

My deepest sympathy goes out to the Allen Family. First of all I would like to say that the work that you have done on this site is a true inspiration. You have taken a tragic ordeal and made it into something positive and highly spiritual. I have worked as a director of a D&A Facility for the last 6 years and have been in the field for the past 9. I have seen so many desperate souls,such as your Erin. Constantly searching for a purpose and to be painfree. The one thing that I can say which I am sure will provide you some comfort is that Erin knew that you loved her. Even though you made some difficult decisions - like keeping her in jail. She knew that you did it for her. You also helped give her an opportunity to live a brief time with a feeling of accomplishment. I can't begin to tell you about the broken families and the hateful words that are said that don't serve no real purpose but to further alienate loved ones from each other. Anger can also be a deadly thing. I would just want to reinforce the need for people experiencing problems like the ones you have experienced to seek counseling. Find a facility or counselor that has your best interest at heart. There are a lot of good folks out there. You just have to look. Having a good support system bought you some time with your daughter. Thank you again for sharing a piece of her with all of us. God bless.
L Murray <murray222@hotmail.com>
Harrisburg, PA USA - Monday, June 12, 2000 at 23:48:53 (EDT)

I read your daughters story with fear in my heart. I am a recovered drug addict well trying to any ways I been clean off and on just like your daughter my mom sent me to Washington to get away from drugs and to get clean and its worked I been here for a year and half and been clean for about a year off of speed. I hurt my mom and I hurt my sister because of drugs but as i was reading your daughter journal I could relate to her so much I feel the Devil trying to get me I feel him playing tug a war with God my faith is strong and I pray it will remain that way but lately I been feeling and dreaming about the feeling of being on drugs and i start to miss them but I know now I need to get started on meetings to help me thru these times. I am sorry about your daughter and sometimes I believe too that the last time we do drugs is our last time of life on this earth. Your daughters story has shown me that I am not alone there are many people feeling like I do May the Lord keep you and your family safe.
Elaine Conant <lainybainy20@cs.com>
Mukilteo, wa USA - Monday, June 12, 2000 at 01:22:32 (EDT)

god bless your family and keep spreading the word of what this terrible drug can do. I have a good friend who i am watching slowly die from heroin. he doesn't even appear to want to be clean i think in some deluted way he likes being a junkie. it frees him from himself and gives him an identity of life. i am so troubled by it and i feel helpless in helping him because he dosen't care to help himself. I am now in the beginning of working on a book that paints a realistic look of hte life of a heroin addict and the stages that they go through. my target audiance is adolesecents who start using becuase on some level they do not know better. I admire the fact that you are willing to spred your daughters story to help others. you are being very selfless in sharing your pain. In return it will bring healing. contiue the work. when and if i ever finish my book it will be dedicated to all of the Erins out there that have been lost to this horrible durg that eats away at the very core of your soul.
Bridget Ruff <bjruff@netzero.net>
Novi, MI USA - Sunday, June 11, 2000 at 21:16:49 (EDT)

just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I am a recovering addict myself. I have relapsed quite a few times, but this time I'm staying clean. anyway, I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you don't blame yourself because it is not your fault and you did everything you could. I was glad to read that you did not enable erin to continue her addiction. Keeping her in jail was one of the best things you could've done. her story may be what keeps me sober today, and trust me, it is a one day at a time thing. thank you and I am sorry.
ceylan <ceylan666@yahoo.com>
columbus, OH USA - Saturday, June 10, 2000 at 05:28:33 (EDT)

I lost my son 3 years ago to a heroin overdose - he was 23 years old. Since his death I have established a service for families of drug users.Please look up our website www.fds.org.au we have memorial stones which you can have placed for your loved ones. We are fighting to keep other users alive until they choose to become drug free - by the establishment of supervised injecting rooms and trials of prescription heroin. All my love to those who struggle with drug use in their family. Tony Trimingham
Tony Trimingham <trimmo@tig.com.au>
Sydney, Australia - Saturday, June 10, 2000 at 02:35:06 (EDT)

I'm sorry that your daughter suffered so much pain in a such a short life.Right now I'm going through the pain that all heroin addicts go through when they try to get clean.I haven't used in four days, the physical part is behind me but that is all I think and dream about. But to hear your daugther story right now helps me with my urges {which can be like the devil pulling your insides out}Please pray for all that our suffering with this evil adddiction.
jimm <theshortend>
USA - Friday, June 09, 2000 at 18:38:18 (EDT)

TONIGHT IS ABOUT MY 1 YR AND 4 MONTH DATE OF NON-DAILY USAGE. I WAS GOING ABOUT MY BUSINESS AND WAS CONFRONTED BY SOME KIDS IN MY SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD. THESE KIDS WERE 20 AND 22 YRS OLD. THEY WERE INTRIGUED BY A LIMO THAT MY FRIEND HAPPENS TO DRIVE FOR A LIVING..THINKING THAT THIS WAS THE FAST LIFE AND THAT THIS WAS A OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW OF OR SOMETHING, THEY STARTED TO LET THEIR GUIRDES DOWN... I ABOUT DIED..WE OFFERED THEM A RIDE AND THE GIRL WAS TRYING TO TALK HER 22YR OLD BOYFRIEND TO GO FOR A RIDE...LITTLE DID THEY KNOW I SPOKE SPANISH AND UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING. THE GIRL DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE SHE BLURTED OUT, "OH MY GOD, I CANT BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO GO WHEN I GOT STUFF BEING DELIVERED..ME BEING A RECOVERY ADDICT..HAD TO ASK WHAT KIND OF STUFF.. SHE SAID,,,HEROIN...I LIKE TO FREAK...NOW, THE ADDICT IN ME SAID..OK STAY WITH THEM UNTIL THEY SCORE AND THEN WE WILL DEAL WITH THE RIDE...BUT I LOOKED INTO THIS CHILDS EYES AND SHE SAW ME LOOKING AND SHE FELT COMPELLED TO ADVISE ME THAT SHE HAD JUST TRIED IT A COUPLE OF TIMES AND THAT IT WAS REAL GOOD. SHE SAID IT WOULD REALLY "F*CK YOU UP"... I LOOKED AT HER AGAIN...COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT IN MY SAFE HAVEN THAT I HAD CREATED FOR MYSELF THE LAST 1 AND 4 MONTHS..THAT SOME CHILD...15YR YOUNGER THAN ME WAS SO EXCITED..SHE SO WILLINGLY BLURTED OUT WHAT THEY WERE WAITING FOR TO BE DELIVERED TO THEIR HOUSE..SO NAIVE..WELL..THE JUNKIE IN ME WAS SCRAMBLING...GUESS WHAT....."DIVINE INTERVENTION..SOMETHING HAPPENED AND I FREAKED AND TOLD HER TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS AREA. I TOLD HER I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HER IN MY PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN..OR HER PARENTS WOULD KNOW EVERYTHING.. I PROCEEDED TO TELL HER BOYFRIEND IN SPANISH..WHAT I HAD GONE THRU.. I TOLD HER IN ENGLISH..THAT I HAD BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, AND THAT I HAD LOST MY FRIENDS LIVES TO DEATH AND TO JAIL AND THAT I MADE IT OUT ALIVE...I THAT I WAS 15YRS OLDER THAN HER...AND THAT I HAD BEEN THRU TO MUCH TO LET SOME LITTLE KID MAKE ME LOSE IT..I WAS VERY STERN..SO STERN THAT SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH THOSE INNOCENT EYES... WHAT SCARED ME WAS THAT SHE WAS CLUELESS...SHE HAD NO IDEA..SHE WAS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WORST HELL SHE WOULD EVER GO THROUGH... I AM STILL SHOOK UP BUT I ALSO FELT LIKE I MISSED A OPPORTUNIT TO RELASPE AND THE SICK THING WAS IS THAT I FELT LIKE I MISSED OUT...THEN I HAD TO THINK ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED..."DIVINE INTERVENTION...I DID NOT CARE THAT THE PERSON I WAS WITH..HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS A RECOVERING ADDICT... WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINKS..WHEN YOU STILL TRY TO SAVE YOURSELF..AND MOST OF ALL...THE LIVES OF SUCH YOUNG ONES WHO ARE SO CLUELESS... DEAR GOD.. THANKYOU FOR CARRYING ME THROUGH THIS TEST... ONE OF MANY MORE TO COME AND BELIEVE ME THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST...BUT THIS ONE I HANDLED BY MYSELF WITHOUT MY FRIEND..THE ONLY PERSON I HAD WAS MY "SAVIOUR".. THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST
still struggling
chicago, il USA - Thursday, June 08, 2000 at 03:44:37 (EDT)

God Bless Erin Allen, she died to save others, may she rest in peace.......
Tim Tafilica <bladerunner104@hotmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 21:55:32 (EDT)

I just got through your story. I a'm very sorry for your loss. I am a recorving addic as well I woke up in the middle of the night. I dream about dope alot still. I woke up at 3am and got on the net ad typed in "herion" I don't even know why. I have been clean for over a year, but i think about and dream about it alot. When I found this site I just kept reading and all these story's make me rember my worst days not to long ago. I think this site is a very helpful and VERY honest. keep doing what your doing because your helping so many
tom
dallas, tx USA - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 08:53:03 (EDT)

I just lost my ex-husband children's father to opiate addiction, methadone, etc. He was 52 and as someone said at the funeral, he lived a long time for a drug addict. Of course we would like to have helped him but like others we had to work and take care of our own lives and didn't realize the severity of the addiction. He died all alone in a shabby hotel room in Santa Monica, CA. I am a recovered alcoholic who luckily never got addicted to drugs. I like pleasure like the next person and I hate being uncomfortable but deal with the real feelings of life the best I can. A beautiful girl and tragic story.
Shelby <Shelbusowl@aol.com>
Palm Springs, CA USA - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 00:02:22 (EDT)

Okay, I know this isn't exactly what this page is for, but I was so incredibly annoyed by what the entry I read from Martin in Canada I was awestruck by how ignorant a person can be, yet still voicing their opinion as if it is backed by any sense of truth. First of all let me just say that I have yet to meet anybody who has been using heroine regularly for, lets say a year, be a happy person leading a normal life. It just doesn't happen. Secondly, if you're going to use Holland as a reference for a place that has legalized drugs and cut down on the problems you might also want to note the fact that since Holland has legalized heroine the death rate from Over dosing has more than doubled. That's cool to have an opinion and i respect you voicing it, but please don't voice your opinion when you have no clue what you're saying, there are people, like you, that will blindly follow along with what you say. Thanks, and I also want to say that this website amazes me, I visit it every week and having nothing but respect for the woman that has used such a horrible thing and turned it around to help others. God bless you.
Lisa Michelle <SunBeeGrl@AOL.com>
Camas, WA USA - Monday, June 05, 2000 at 04:10:26 (EDT)

A terrible waste of a human life. If the stuff were legal I don't think this would have happened. I have never tried heroin myself, but if that is the way a person deals with their pain, who are we as a society to make a substance illegal, so that people have to steal and kill for it. If you look at Holland where it's legal, they don't have this problem. Nothing can bring back Erin, but maybe if we let people who use heroin, get it for a cheap price, like alcohol, or even free, they won't have to go through a life of hell to get it. The reason why people OD by accident on it is because the purity was stronger than they thought. If it were regulated, that wouldn't happen. Many people have, and do function under the influence of this drug. I hope this doesn't hurt you, but that is my opinion.
Martin <xyz543@usa.net>
Toronto , Ont Canada - Friday, June 02, 2000 at 14:47:43 (EDT)

I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT ALCOHOLIC. I STOPPED USING HEROIN AND COCAINE DAILY IN FEBRUARY OF 1999. I DID IT BY RELOCATING..THIS IS CALLED GEOGRAPHICAL RELOCATION...I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE AND IT DID NOT WORK.. BUT THIS TIME I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HELPED ME KICK...BY PROVIDING A PLACE FAR AWAY TO DO IT AT AND A ROOF OVER MY HEAD WITH A NICE BED, FOOD- WHEN I WAS READY TO EVEN CONSIDER EATING AGAIN AND WITH VITAMINS AND HERBS. WITHOUT THIS HELP I WOULD HAVE HAD TO GO TO A REHAB AND PROBABLY WOULD NOT OF STAYED...I DON'T KNOW WHY..BUT A TRUE FRIEND WHO IS WILLING TO HELP IN A FAR AWAY PLACE SEEMED TO BE BETTER.. COUNSELING---"JESUS CHRIST" MY LORD AND SAVIOUR. HOWEVER, AGAIN, I HAVE GEOGRAPHICALLY RELOCATED..I WILL NOT SEEK IT HERE. BUT I HAVE GONE BACK ABOUT 5 TIMES IN THE PAST 15MONTHS AND DEFINATELY INDULGED ..OR "DIPPED IN AS ONE MIGHT SAY"..I THINK THAT ONCE YOU DO IT- YOU ARE SUNK. SOMETHING ABOUT THE FEELING, THE TASTE, THE EVERYTHING IS TOO PLEASURABLE...I'M DOING GOOD WITH THE RELOCATION THING AND HAVING A FRIEND WHO IS LIKE THE "GESTAPO" ON MY TAIL. IT SEEMS THAT WHEN THE "GESTAPO" IS A FAMILY MEMBER I SEEM TO HAVE A DEFENSIVE FRONT UP..WITH MY BEST FRIEND FROM MY COLLEGE DAYS - WHO BY THE WAY, ALSO KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE DECADENT ..BUT SHE NEVER LIKED HEROIN JUST OTHER THINGS...SO I THINK THAT HAS HELPED..NOW SHE HAS A CHILD AND A GREAT JOB..AND REMOVED HERSELF FROM THE ENVIRONMENT. THIS HELPED, BECAUSE SHE COULD RELATE..NOT AS INTENSELY THOUGH.. PLEASE KNOW, THAT ERIN IS FINALLY AT PEACE. THAT SHE TRIED, AND THAT YOU REALLY COULD DO NOTHING. WE ALL HAVE TO FIND IT IN OURSELVES TO GET HELP, ONCE YOU SEEK HELP YOU HAVE TO BE AWAY FROM THE INFLUENCES OF OTHERS THAT CAN BE VERY NEAR.. FOR ME...I HAD TO LEAVE THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY. CAUSE A 5HR DRIVE ONE WAY..STILL WAS TOO CLOSE... TIF
STILL STRUGGLING
CHICAGO, IL USA - Thursday, June 01, 2000 at 20:33:34 (EDT)

I am also a i.v.heroin addict. Ive just moved out of the house i was living in with my boyfriend and i am back home. i am only 17 and right now i am clean, however, my boyfriend is not. i am not allowed to see him ...its better that way.right now i am so shocked because that song "wish you were here"...i asked my mom to play that at my funeral if i ever passed away. when i read that i immediately started to cry. i have put my parents through hell. i have lied..stolen...run away from rehabs...and the list goes on. i dropped out of school and im in the process of getting my GED and im working. i cant get the heroin or cocaine out of my mind though. im so scared for myself and for my boyfriend of 2 years. i dont want to die from this...and i dont want to loose him. i dont want this pain anymore. i dont want to be a heroin addict. my arms, legs, wrists and feet have scars up and down them from using. i dont want to be scarred anymore. i am so sorry for your loss. i know how your daughter felt. this story really makes me think. it makes me sad...because some of the most beautiful people in the world will never get to be anything but a statistic. i dont want to become one...and im sorry that your daughter had to die before she realized that she was better than drugs...i just hope i realize it soon. bless you and please know that she is in peace because life as a junkie is no life at all. - kim
kim <deemingurl138@aol.com>
sarasota, fl USA - Wednesday, May 31, 2000 at 23:48:44 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I can only tell you that you have my sympathy. I feel that I will be in the same situation as you if we can not help our 23 year old daughter soon. Time is of the essence, but I fear she will not help herself. I am copying erins story for her right now, she is with us for a short time, she is trying to figure out what she wants to do tomorrow. I go to N>A> meetings, but in times like these, I can not find the words to speak to help her. I feel so empty and the fear is so great it is overwhelming. Heroin is evil. I will write later. I'm so sorry. Our beautiful children.
Rachel Kamm <isleofvue@AOL.com>
Schoolcraft, Mi. USA - Sunday, May 28, 2000 at 21:45:18 (EDT)

I stumbled upon this website in an effort to learn more about this horrible drug. My best friend's sister tried heroin, became addicted, and almost lost her life because of an overdose(heroin) all in one night. She battled this addiction for over 3 years,in and out of rehab. Her heart has stopped beating 3 times, but that didn't stop her. She is now clean, and has been for 10 months, the longest ever. I never knew it possible to have such strong hatred for an inanimate object before I learned about heroin. I helped my boyfriend get over a cocaine addiction. It's really painful to not be able to fully trust someone that you love so dearly. I am sure you felt this with Erin. It is so important you are sharing this story with school-age children, because I am sure you are making a difference in the choices they will have to make in the future. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Linda <lay617@hotmail.com>
MA USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 21:15:14 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, I was looking up the word "heroin" on the internet to learn more about this drug. And that is when I read about your daughter. You see, I have a nephew who is an addict to this drug. He is 20 yrs old. He had been in rehab for 1 yr and doing well as drug free. In April of this year he came home. He found a job and was going to counseling. But, he blew his paycheck on drugs. So,that is why I am writing. I hope my nephew will have a happier ending. I am trying to understand what this drug does to your body. But will I ever? I am sorry about your daughter but I know she is in happier and pain free after life. I dont know what the ending will be with my nephew. Thankyou, for your story.
Randi Hart <rhart@bulovatech.com>
Drumore, pa USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 10:22:33 (EDT)

hi. you had a presentation at salisbury middle school a while ago and i just wanted to say that the strength you hadf to share all that was incretable.you must have been devestated when you got that phone call. i think heroin is the most dumbest drug out there. its like kids that se it want to die. and i'm sorry erin got into it . she made a fateful desire to stop . i respect that anmd i really admiere you. please e-mail me some time at seanyby112@hotmail.com
sean mitchell <seanyby112@hotmail.com>
salis., md USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 09:06:56 (EDT)

Sorry about Erin. I found out last Sun. nite my 19 yr. old son is addicted to heroin too.I'm scared.
Michele <piglet81784@aol.com>
acushnet, ma USA - Friday, May 26, 2000 at 09:04:23 (EDT)

Thank you for coming to Holicong today to speak to us about your daughter. As a teacher and the mother of two boys, I cannot fanthom the pain you must go through every day (and I hope I never have to go through it). I thought I new a lot about Heroin, but I never new it was so common amoung teens today. When I was growing up we considered heroin to be only something that dirty junkies in back alleys used. Perhaps in the 1960's and 70's this perception was correct, but I know now that the danger of heroin can affect any of our children. I hope you will continue to tell your story, I want my kids to hear it!!!If you can save just one life (or more) it will be worth it. I came up to you today after you spoke this afternoon and thanked you for sharing your daughters story with us. These were not just words, I really meant it, you have touched my life forever....and if you believe in such things, I am sure Erin is watching over you and giving you the strength to continue to tell her story. Peace to you always. Lynne
Lynne <taylor9@hotmail.com>
Pa. USA - Thursday, May 25, 2000 at 21:20:08 (EDT)

Hello.My name is Kelly.I am 15 years old.I know how it feels losing family to drugs.Espically one as adictive as herion.I lost my cousin John in 1996 to herion and other drugs.He just didn't want to get any help.He didn't realize that he was hurting himself and us as well.He said the herion made his problem better.Wrong.All they did was mess him up.He lost his girlfriend,his daugther and hius pride.He swore the herion would help him.But now he's burried some where.I don't even know of.He stuck a gun to his head.Killing himself instanitly.I took it very hard.I really miss him.I wish I could of been there to try to help him through it.But I was only about 10.His mother and my dad took it really hard.My dad cried himself to sleep for over a month.All because the herion got to john's brain.It messed him up really bad.Now my dad can't even say his name without a tear or two in his eyes.Please write back.i would really appreate it.And I soooooo sorry about your loss.Thank you.And I am really really sorry.My respects to you and your family.
Kelly <EvilQueen152000@aol.com>
Trainer, Pa USA - Thursday, May 25, 2000 at 17:58:41 (EDT)

Dear Mrs.Allen, You came to Chichester Middle School today, and gave a good presentation. I am sorry to hear about your loss. When you were telling the story, I really felt bad for Erin and you. All of the things that she has gone through sounded like a nightmare. I didn't know much about heroin and what it can do to your body, but now I do know. I'm sure everybody learned a lot about heroin and what it does. The bad part is, it is addictive. I just wanted to cry. Thank you so much for taking your time to share Erin's story with us.
Jennifer <Twirlgirl4028@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 21:32:12 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, Hi.I heard you on May 24th and when they turned off the lights and put on the screen ,like the computer did, Erin's picture, my heart broke into two, she was beautiful and it seemed like she had a lot of potential...and i'm very sorry for your loss. At least you go tell yout story to other people and make sure that they won't get caught in the same type of mess because after that heartbreaking story i would never pick up any type of drug. Thank you for bringing your story to our school.
Megan <Gigglesgrl86@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 19:33:30 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, when you were talking about your daughter Erin, I was to the point of tears as I was hearing about her addiction to heroin, She was no older than me, I'm 16 years old and was just shocked at the things she was doing, I would like to thank you for your effort and having the iron will to tell her story without breaking into tears. I hope that her story will turn away a lot of kids from using heroin. Like you said, "Heroin ruins lives." and from today's presentation, I now believe that it can happen to anyone.
Glen Christie <glen_51684@email.com>
Marcus Hook , PA USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:34:46 (EDT)

i feel really bad about wht happened to erin god bless you and erin and good luck i saw you in my school at chi on may24th letting you know i loved your story about erin w/b bye
robyn <badassbabe10237@HOTMAIL.COM>
marcus hook, pa USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:29:44 (EDT)

hey miss allen you were in my school at chi i felt like running up and giving you a big hug im really sorry about erin she was very pretty why did she have to go through all of that but i dont know her but your story was very touching and made me cry i wish there was more i could do or say bye and good luck teaching other kids about wht happened to erin and to stay away from drugs.
susan <poohbear2004_05@hotmail.com>
marcus hook, pa USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:23:28 (EDT)

DEAR MRS. ALLEN TODAY IS WEDNESDAY MAY 24.TODAY YOU COME TO THE CHICHESTER MIDDLE SCHOOL AND SPOKE ABOUT UR DAUGHTER ERIN.THAT REALLY GOT THE POINT OUT TO ME ABOUT HEROIN EVEN THOUGHT I DON'T USE IT.I BEAT THAT WAS REALLY HARD TO JUST COME OUT AND TALK ABOUT UR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT TO OTHERS AND SOME MANY PEOPLE.I JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW THAT I CAR ABOUT U AND KNOW HOW U FEEL IT IS UPSET IT IS JUST LIKE HAVING A FAMILY MEMBER DIEING AND ALL.YOUR STORY TODAY REALLY TOUCHED ALOT OF PEOPLE TODAY IN MY SCHOOL.AND I COME TO THIS WEBSITE TO JUST SEE WHAT IS WAS LIKE AND WRITE COMMENT ON HER STORY AND YOU AND TO READ THE STORY AGAIN AND ON JUNE 23 I WILL BE REMEMBERING YOU AND U FAMILY PLUS ERIN AND THE REASON WHY I WILL REMEMBER U AND ERIN BECAUSE I WILL REMEMBER SEING HER GRAVE UP ON THE SCREEN TODAY.BY THAT WHY WHERE IS HER GRAVE LOCATED AT?WELL MRS ALLEN GOD BLESS YOU SHANNON TAYLOR PLEASE W/B AND JUST REMEMBER IT IS NOT UR FAUGHT!ö ż ö
SHANNON <SMT731@AOL.COM>
MARCUS HOOK, PA USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:18:48 (EDT)

You have honored your daughter in the most beautiful way. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I was searching for info on heroin because my 16 daughter just told me her boyfriend has started using. I can't figure out how to help - her or him. The only thing that keeps going through my head is why? He's a bright, funny, sweet, handsome kid - why blow it? Anyway, again, I am so sorry you lost your daughter. Hopefully, her death is not in vain.
Janna <jcarlyle@paymentech.com>
tx USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 16:55:27 (EDT)

Dear Mrs.Allen, I was in the audience at Bensalem High School on May 22. I was surprised that you had the courage to get up and talk to teenagers about your daughter. That must have been hard. I have never done drugs and i never plan on it. I feel bad for the families of the people who do drugs because the families suffer. I know there are teenagers in the dame school as me who do drugs, maybe after your story they will try to get help.Your story touched me and a lot of my friends, Thank you for sharing Erin's story with us.
Jen Miller <IL2Dance2@aol.com>
Bensalem, PA USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 15:44:55 (EDT)

When she came to our school and talked to us, i felt deaply moved. Some of the kids here im sure have seen the effects of Heroin, while others never will. The pictures we saw were very graphic. I am terribly sorry that they lost their daughter. You know I promise my mom that I will never do anything that deals with drugs. I will eventually get offered drugs though. I know kids probably say this all the time, and then try drugs, so why should she believe me now? I can't imagine how much pain Erin must have been in to do drugs. She will never beforgotten to me, and she left a big mark in my life.
Jordan <Tarheelsnowangel@aol.com>
USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 11:01:39 (EDT)

I am a human service student at a University in Australia and I am very interested in working in the Drug and Alchol area. In australia the heroin problem is huge and no one seems to be doing anything about it. The fat politicians are making decisions about heroin but have no idea. I am sorry that your daughters life was taken by this horrible drug, I am hoping to make a difference when I graduate
Clare Rutledge <c.rutledge@student.qut.edu.au>
brisban, Australia - Monday, May 22, 2000 at 01:44:50 (EDT)

Hey, does anyone really listen. only, if you have lived it... dont feel bad if you dont feel it............\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\feel lucky\\\\\\we will talk later tiffany ord
TIF <TifNed69@aol.com>
USA - Saturday, May 20, 2000 at 23:45:33 (EDT)

I am from Henry C. Conrad Middle school. You have recently visited my school. I am 13 years old. I would just like to say that even though it is hard for you to get on stage and talk about Erin's death, you are really helping kids. I want to thank you for what you are doing because I'm sure you don't get much appreciation. Thank you.
Chase Miller <chase71486@hotmail.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, May 18, 2000 at 21:41:50 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, My heart goes out to you and your family. I, too, lost my child to heroin. Steven was a beautiful, fun-loving young man who died when he was 18, six years ago. My husband and I are learning to live with broken hearts. I also trvel to schools in my stat and share Steven's story to help alert young people to the horror of heroin. Like Erin, Steven was in over his head befor he knew what had hit him. God Bless you and all the parent who suffer as we do. Joan Mac Mullen
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:16:37 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen,
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:13:46 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen,
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:13:45 (EDT)

Quit bellyaching over what Erin was and look at what she became. Too tired to fight it. Knowing from her very core that it was a loosing battle. Maybe she wanted to die. I know I do. I've been on drugs for eleven years straight. Didn't start until I was twenty. Started because I'm a lesbian and listened to my parents and married and had kids. Started with pot, moved to alchohol, and finally cocaine. I have two beautiful children but I know how weak I am in my heart and that they would be better off in the care of my mother. So I drink every night and do cocaine and I pray every single day that I won't wake up. I don't want to live anymore. I quit. I give up. Maybe Erin did too.
Mandy <A4Hinluv@aol.com>
USA - Monday, May 15, 2000 at 17:40:07 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, im sorry to here about what happened. my teacher told me to come here cuz on of my friends does alot of drugs but i dunno how to talk to him cuz my mom dont let me around him. i love him very much to see anything happen to him. do you know anyway i can talk to him and let him know that i care and wanna help? and sorry again about Erin. thanks 4 telling ur story at conrad middle school.
Shellie <Jon Davis 6785@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Monday, May 15, 2000 at 16:44:34 (EDT)

IN THE 25 YEAR OF HER LIFE THE WOMAN I WOULD ONE DAY MARRY USED HEROIN AGAIN AND WAS INFECTED WITH HIV. 5 YEARS LATER SHE IS STILL FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE AND HER SOBRITITY. THE DRUGS ARE ALWAYS THERE SHES BEEN USING FOR 6 MONTHES NOW. THE LOSS OF YOUR DAUGHTER IS A HORROR. I AM WATCHING MY WIFE DIE SLOWLY FROM TWO DISEASES AND HAVE LEARNED WHY WE CAN'T TOLERARE DRUGS IN SOCIETY ANYMORE
DAVID <TILLTHECURE@AOL.COM>
USA - Sunday, May 14, 2000 at 20:49:07 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I was in the audience at Lenape Middle School and was very moved by your speech. I know that you have gone through a lot of pain and I appreciate your strength to come and speak to us. Now after you talked about the coroners office, I saw over 100 of my peers burst in to tears and I myself almost was as well. So I thank you for your time and because of you I know at least 100 of my peers will not upset there parents like that. Thank you so much. -Chris Dorman
Chris Dorman <DorDawg@aol.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:59:51 (EDT)

Dear Ms.Allen: I was on the internet tonight because my husband is an addict and he is trying to kick cold turkey. To make a long story short, I know how you feel about the lost of your child, I too lost a child(only 2 weeks old) but as a mother it seemed like he lived a lifetime. Reading your daughter's story has bought tear's to my eyes and I am sorry. But, I don't think that some people realize that you are in just as much pain when your loved one is out there using as if they were dead. Every day I am dying inside myself because I sometimes just feel like leaving him because we've been marry for approx. 4 months and I've know him for at least 9 months. I can only pray for him and myself, hoping that I won't leave him, but it is hard to stay and watch the madness. God Bless You
tee <prtylgs912>
nN, va USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:59:39 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen- I was in the audience today at Lenape Middle school and I was amzed at how you had the courage to stand up in front of a bunch of teens and tell that story. Your daughter seemed like such a nice girl to take such a bad choice. I want to thank you for your speech and it was very inspiring and I learned so much, Heroin is a very scary thing, which i have never ever thought about, but now i know the truth, and it seems like the worst thing that can possibly happen. Thanks for coming to my school -jon
Jon Van Dine <blindHERO@skateboard.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:29:41 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, Hello. I was in the Lenape Middle School audience. I made eye contact with you at one time, I had a dark blue bandana on. I doubt you really saw me. But, I am 13 and Native American/ I really appreciate that you have the strength to come out and touch people in such a way. Well, I can't exactly feel your pain, but in someways I can. I have lost loved ones. As you, have as well. Your daughter was lucky to have your strength. She showed her strength from you, when she tried numerous times to stop. But sometimes, things work in messed up ways. As you know. I know, you might be thinking, "Whoever you are, you don't have a clue what your talking about, and you dont know the pain I have felt." Or you could be thinking the exact opposite,I will not assume what you are thinking. But I do hope you aren't thinking the first one... Well, I did have a tear roll down my cheek. I thought the way you put your words, was very powerful. Again, I thank you for your strength. I just dont know how much I can thank you for what you've done. I truly mean that. Well, I hope to hear from you soon.... Many blessings, And your daughter, is now watching over you, not in flesh or in voice, but in spirit.. Many Blessings, Christina Ruth Littlefawn Callas or Boo
Boo <Pikuni86@hotmail.com>
Doylestown, pa USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 22:15:21 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen, I am a student at Lenape Mittle school and I would just like to say thank you for your speach. It toughted me and a lot of peolpe. I think that you have a lot of courage to go up in from of all of these schools and tell your story. It must be very upsetting for you to tell that story. Your dauter seemed like a very nice girl that just so happened to get rapped up with the wrong people. When you told your story about Erin I cried, and so did a lot of people. Well I have to go but I would just like to say that even know you dont see, and hear your dauter she is still there sitting right on your shoulder. ( That is what I truely belive). ~ Lauren~ P.S thank you again for your speach
Lauren <wtrworks7@starlinx.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 16:20:52 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen- I was in the audience at Lenape Middle School when you talked about your daughter. I do not know how it feels to loose someone from a heroin addiction, but I now see that I would never want to put my family through what Erin put you, your husband, and your family through. I find it amazing that you could come up to our school and relive all of those memories and fellings to teach us children about the effects of heroin. And I thank you for that. Your story about Erin really touched my heart as I could see it did others. It really opened up our eyes to what heroin can really do to us. You must be a very brave woman to come out to the public and talk about such a traumatic time in you life. I know I would never be able to. And I thank you, because I know that you opened up the eyes of the young heroin users in your audience. And again I thank you, you really made people think. With love and thanks, Jessica.
Jessica <Starry_Night_Gaze@yahoo.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 15:31:15 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen - I am an exact copy of your daughter. I'm 19 yrs. old and started snorting heroin a year ago. Now I run to Kensington every day for a bag. I was arrested for my first time a few weeks ago and thought it taught me a lesson. But of course, the very next day I was back out there trying to get more. I just wanted to say that I'm sure my mom is going to be in your same exact place in a few years and I (and I think I speak for Erin too) am so sorry for putting the people we love through this.
Jill <princessofmykingdom@hotmail.com>
Norristown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 11:10:21 (EDT)

Dear mrs Allen
Officer Edward Gannon <lapd oneadam 12@aol.com>
chalfont, PA USA - Thursday, May 11, 2000 at 14:24:10 (EDT)

My heart bleeds for you. I was involved with a heroin addict for a year and a half. Who really konws what really went on in the apartment we shared. I eventually left, after more than one attempt. Jon's family recently "took" him from his home in MPLS (my old home) and brought him to live near them. He has struggled for so long. I have never known anything so evil. I pray for Jon and all the struggling addicts out there, I also pray for their partners and families. I would never wish such an awful thing upon anyone. I process more and more every day, even 9 months since my departure. I am sorry for your loss...and can only hope that your daughter is finally free of the demon that gripped her in this life. YIF
Y. FIfo <missyvonnef@aol.com>
Portland, OE USA - Sunday, May 07, 2000 at 22:56:52 (EDT)

As a heroin addict now in recovery for 14 months, I still remember the dispair of waking up and asking God why wouldn't he just let me die. I used to pray to God to take me away because the misery was so bad and it seemed never ending. Today I pray at night and thank God that I got to see another day without that misery. It probably doesnt help you much to know that, but if Erin felt anything close to what I did,(and after I read the journal entry, I feel she did) in a bitter-sweet way she is no longer suffering.
KTP
USA - Thursday, May 04, 2000 at 19:17:53 (EDT)

Dear Mrs Allen, I don't know what prompted me to look up heroin, but, I did. I live in a very rural part of the United States, Montana. I feel like a very lucky person when I read about what is happening to today's youths. Why do you suppose these kids turn to drugs? I think it is boredom! This is so tragic, what has happened to your daughter!!! My heart felt thoughts go out to you!! I thank God everyday that I live in a state where drugs and crime are not rampant. I see it coming though. Californians and people from all walks of life are flocking to our great state. They bring their wicked ways with them. I have a son that is 18 years old and about to graduate here in June. I see him trying to act cool and some of his friends are not the best company. I'm pretty straight with his friends. I'm like the lady from hell when I find they are going down the wrong road. He doesn't go out with his friends if he cannot behave. We make him go with us on the weekends. We do things he enjoys doing,--like four wheeling, checking out the elk situation, whatever. He tends to be a little mouthy now and than, but, I lay down the law!!!!!! At 18, even though they are adults legally, they are not mature enough to handle all of life's misfortune's. Me, as the mother, it is my job to help him and lead him in the right direction. I don't know what people do in these larger cities? It sounds like kids cannot be kids. In my home dating and going out is not allowed until one is 17 years old. If I have to, I go into town and check out the situation. I'm not above following my kid around a bit. You want your child to have a safe, healthy life, you need to always be watching out for them. I'd move out in the middle of nowhere if that is what it takes. I'm already pretty close to that. I'm not trying to be condescending. I've been reading these stories of young people who have already lived a life of despair. They don't know what it is to take a walk in the mountains, or ride your bicycle down a country road and listen to the sounds of the wind blowing through the trees. Maybe, people are different there!!! I don't know what your teenagers do for fun-- drugs isn't the answer. I hope for all of the people who use drugs, find happiness within yourself so you do not have to go to drugs to find a friend. Cordially, L'Marco
L'marco <loveelk@yahoo.com>
helena, Mt USA - Wednesday, May 03, 2000 at 22:38:22 (EDT)

I FEEL YOUR PAIN BUT, NOT AS BAD. SEE MY SISTER AND HER FIANCE ARE BOTH ADDICTED TO HEROIN AND I CAN'T GET EITHER ONE OF THEM TO GET HELP. THEY SAY THEY DON'T NEED IT AND I FEEL AS THOUGH IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO FIND THE HELP THEY NEED. I LET MY SISTER MOVE IN WITH ME AND MY FAMILY AND SHE HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR ONE NIGHT. SHE MOVED IN 3 DAYS AGO. I HAVE A 10 YEAR OLD SON WHO ATTENDS THE DARE PROGRAM AND IS 100% AGAINST THE USE OF ANY DRUGS, CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL. WHICH OF COURSE IS GREAT HOWEVER, MY SISTER COMES HOME HIGH ALL THE TIME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. SHE HAS NO INSURANCE AND I BELIEVE THAT A TREATMENT CENTER WOULD BE A PERFECT HTING FOR HER. SHE OF COURSE WON'T GO BECAUSE SHE CAN DO IT ALONE AND I BELIEVE HER BOYFRIEND (FIANCE) HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THAT. HOWEVER I AM HER SISTER AND I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO TURN MY BACK ON HER. WISH ME LUCK AND HELP ME PRAY PLEASE. LAURA DAHL
LAURA DAHL <LAURA.DAHL@WCOM.COM>
OLIVETTE , MO USA - Wednesday, May 03, 2000 at 17:19:13 (EDT)

My hear goes out to you Mrs.Allen you are a very srong woman for being able to overcome that tragic event in your life and then be able to talk about it. Thank you even more for sharing your daughters story and life with us. I am ver sorry about what happend to Erin. Although we have never had any types of addictions in our family i can still feel other peoples pain.I just wanted you to know that Erins story touched me in a very special way and i will never ever forget her or her story. Thank you once again for sharing Erins story with me. I WILL NEVER FORGET IT.
Melissa Grasso <missygal83@aol.com>
Gladwyne, pa USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 21:14:35 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I'm a student at Harriton High School. You visited us today and since I left the auditorium, I haven't been able to forget about you, your family, and Erin. My heart goes out to you, and all of whom loved her so much. I certainly learned more about this drug and others. I don't have any doubts that you reached all the hearts of the students and teachers in the room. We all learned so much from your story. Unfortunetly, it took the death of your beautiful daughter and deaths of other victims of heroin to give us that message. At least Erin is in a place where there isn't a thing that can hurt her now. Once again, I'm so sorry about her death. Thank you for coming to share the story of you and your daughter. Me heart goes out to you and your family. Marc (student at Harriton High School)
Marc
Penn Valley, PA USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 18:41:59 (EDT)

Dear Jerry, Marie and family, I have known you, Marie and Jerry for going on two years now. As a community advisory board member at TNJ, I wrote articles that tried to underscore the heroin epidemic that exists, and that heroin addiction is a disease needing extended medical treatment and hence, insurance coverage equal for all levels of society. I consider the courageous, sacrifices that you both have made to prevent other parents from experiencing the pain you have. In order to transfer that level of importance to others, Marie, (and Jerry as her "rock" of support), re-live the event of their daughter's addiction and subsequent death from heroin addiction. I have watched repeatedly as Marie cries at the re-telling of this story. Those who have seen Marie's accounts of that painful loss can only cry real tears, love her all the more for her bravery, and thank God that brave, battle scarred heroes like Marie and Jerry are near to us all and dear to us all. They have saved many lives by their ability to withstand the on-going nature of their gut wrentching task. The thing that keeps them alive is knowing that their loss prevented so many others from dying, and continues to do so. As E.H. Chaplin once said, - "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars." As with most great people like Jerry and Marie, they have found a seed in a garden darkened by sadness and have somehow brought forth a beautiful flower. HEROIN HURTS INC is blessed to have Marie and Jerry to assist other confused, angry, but loving parents. As one who has tried to help others understand the scientific aspects of addiction and brain chemistry and the effects of love, laughter, and music in healing, I easily recognize the absolute, vital need for your gift of courage. I don't know if I could do what you both have done by talking to group after group of people you don't know, crying your message in hopes of finding those all important "heart strings" that motivate us to care. Thank you - Kurt Becker and ps to Jerry, -next year at the fund raiser you are getting into some form of bunny rabbit-like outfit. I will find the correct size such that any member of the group can both fit into and hop around in. We could even have multiple bunnies creating a more competitive atmosphere. And another thing, - those fake carrots tasts awful. I recomend that we purchace true carrots, this would be especially useful for cigarette smoking bunny-types. They could simply munch a few carrots. The plastic carrot I was forced against my will to use as a "prop" failed miserably in its attempts to fool any child older than 1 month. We obviously need to reach a broader adolescent market from that point of view. I'll bring the carrots. Again, thanks and love, - Kurt
kurt becker <kurtjbeck@msn.com>
newark, DE USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 17:36:48 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear child. As the mother of 2 beautiful little boys I can not even begin to fathom what the pain would be like to loose one of my children. I am also very aware of the danger facing our children as well as everyone when it comes to heroin. I found myself with an addiction to prescription pain medication following an accident which tore my rotator cuff in my shoulder. The pain in my shoulder was terrible and I kept putting off having the surgery because at the time my children were very young and I was told that once I had the surgery it would be a couple of months before I could pick them up or carry them or do much of anything with my right arm. The opiate pain medication I was taking did a good job of handling the pain so I just kept on putting it off thinking that I would go and have the surgery later when I was in a better position to hire help around the house. Well, that went on for over a year and when I finally got the surgery and the pain was gone, I found myself in a whole new kind of hell. I would wake up feeling awful and hurting all over everyday so I would take the medication because it made me feel better and allowed me to function. When my doctor cut me off I just found another one that would write the prescriptions. After a couple of years, I ran out of doctors. Then I started buying the pills from people I knew would have them like friends that had recently had surgery or an accident or dental work. That led to meeting people who sold them on a regular basis. Then when those people would run out off prescription opiates (i.e. morphine, dilaudid, hydrocodone, etc.) they would say, well I am out of what you usually get but I have something that works a whole lot better and then came the heroin. Luckily, heroin was not available often here in Tallahassee. Even though we are the capital of Florida, our city is small compared to places like Miami or Atlanta. It was plentiful here back in the 60's and early 70's as it was everywhere but for some reason it never has been easy to come by since then. I am thankful for that because during the active period of my addiction I can tell you after doing it a few times, it would have been my drug of choice. Once my addiction began to effect those around me (mainly loved ones) and started reeking financial havoc on me & my husband, I began to seek help. I tried the 12 step program, inpatient, outpatient, counseling, psychiatric hospitals you name it. I always failed and relapsed. Never in my life have I had anything control me the way opiate addiction did. It was like fighting a 400 lb. sumo wrestler every single day, every second and minute of my life and never having a chance of winning. Then I found the Methadone Maintenance Program a little over 6 years ago. I heard all kinds of negative comments from people like oh once you get on that stuff your doomed for the rest of your life and your just trading one drug for another and on and on. Well I decided that it could not possibly be worse than what me and my family was going through and everything we had been through. It was the best decision I ever made. I got my life back. The cravings completely went away and I have never "fallen off the wagon" not even once in 6 years. I do not experience "euphoria" from the methadone or any kind of high but I did in the beginning. The first 30 days they had me going up on my dosage amount until I felt comfortable. I got up to a pretty high dose at first and I did feel that euphoria for a week or so but then it suddenly went away and I no longer felt high but I had no urge at all to have more. I was comfortable and happy and I felt normal for the first time in many years. Over the years I have been in treatment I have reduced my dose a little at a time and am currently on 40mgs. In the beginning I was on 100mgs. I still have no cravings and am able to carry on a normal life. My husband and I are happy, we have 2 great kids, been married 17 years on the 13th of this month and we are doing very well financially. I plan to continue a slow decline in my medication and maybe eventually I will even go all the way down to 1mg and then off. No matter what happens, I know that the horrible way I used to live everyday is over and done with for good even if I do end up having to stay on the program for the rest of my life atleast I can say I have a life. I know there are a lot of people out there that abuse the Methadone Clinics and have no desire to lead a clean life but there are also a lot of us that believe we would not have a life without the clinics. I don't know what your position is on Methadone Maintenance but I hope if you are against it you will at least go to the Methadone Information Exchange on the Internet and read the posts on the message board so you could hear about all the good it can do for opiate addicts. I feel like it saved my life. I am so sorry that your daughter lost her life, I have a lot of admiration for you reaching out to others and trying to save other parents the same grief. What you are doing is wonderful and I am certain your daughter is bursting with pride when she looks down on you from heaven. Sincerely, Kelly/Tallahassee, Fl
Kelly <kelgirl37@yahoo.com>
Tallahassee, Fl USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 15:14:05 (EDT)

My husband is a heroin addict but in denial. I married him not knowing he was an addict and it has been hell since I found out. I need help for me and for him. We he first admitted it we tried rehab (3 times) and then moved overseas. He was clean for a year and a half while there. We went back to VA to visit for 2 weeks. He used while there and detoxed himself cold turkey once we got back overseas. We only had 6 months left overseas and I dreaded going back. As soon as we got back he started using again but denies it. I found the drug (capsules) but he says its speed. I don't believe him because he acts the same as when he use. I don't know what to do. Help!! lisabu32@hotmail.com
LISA
VA USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 10:45:53 (EDT)

I wrote you about 2 months ago , I am the young man that heard you speak at mountain manor. I relapsed a few days after writing you and continued to use til march 30, when I checked myself into Avery Road. I was discharged on April 26 and have been attending NA everday since. I still have cravings for heroin and whenever I do I think of your daughters story .Your speak to this day has been the most powerful I've heard and I will never forget it. Thank you for being so stronge and sharing you experience with others. love,cj
cj <cobykay@home.com>
columbia, md USA - Sunday, April 30, 2000 at 11:16:39 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, i was very touched about your speech today on your daughter's herion addiction. I thought it was very nice and brave of you to give that speech about your daughter. I think you should keep giving these speeches, because it can change people, and make people stay away from heroin and various drugs in the future. I give you my condolences, and i am sorry for ur pain and sufferings.
Mike Higby <Higbeers@mail.com>
Warrington, PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 19:09:51 (EDT)

Mrs. Allen, you came to our school about 2 months ago (Upper Dublin High School). I thought it was the most meaningful assembly we have ever had, and really hit everybody hard. Especially when you spoke of Erin. On Tuesday, a friend of mine, and a very close friend of many of my other friends died of a heroin overdose. We were so shocked. We had known he did heroin before, but he had been clean of it for 90 days. He was supposed to do a speech a day or two later at his rehab. He was so proud of himself that he had been clean. We are all so upset and shocked, we don't really know what to do with ourselves. This has never happened to our knowledge in Upper Dublin, and especially to a friend of ours. He was in my theatre class, and we are supposed to have a showcase in about 3 weeks. The whole show is now basically going to be dedicated to him, and my idea is to have all the proceeds of the showcase go towards the Erin Allen Fund, and we are also going to have a box where people can put more proceed if they want to. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences with my school, it meant a lot to us, and affected us all so deeply.
Sami <Saminess83@aol.com>
Upper Dublin, PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 16:20:45 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I am a 7th grader at Tamanend Middle School. I want to thank you for giving us that speech about your daughter, Erin. It must have been hard to get up infont of a whole school and explain your daughters death. I want to thank you again, and what you did today will make a very big difference to us in Tamanend Middle School. I appreciate your what you have done! We will all hold Erin within our hearts! Sincerely, Christina
Christina <kookie_dough491@gurlmail.com>
Jamison, Pa USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 15:31:15 (EDT)

Dear Mrs. Allen, I too am a student at Tamanend, and I was there w