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It kills me when the cops say heroin is back. I've been an addict for 26 years and never had trouble finding it. I know your pain having lost many friend to the drug wars. There was nothing you could have done, it was a choice she made. That's not crue l, just real. I'd love to here from others.
robert <rc3605@hotmail.com>
Lebanon, Pa USA - Tuesday, April 10, 2001 at 19:57:57 (EDT)
Erin, please continue to watch over and protect me. I know it was you that has guided me safely this far. My guardian angel forever. I woke up this morning, But you were gone. And the sun never felt so cold, The birds never sang so off key, The flowers never bloomed, The breeze never blew. The world just kind of stopped... Kind of died. You see, I woke up this morning but-- You were gone. I love you deeply forever.
Theresa - Erin's sister and friend <butterscotch_78@excite.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Monday, April 09, 2001 at 20:33:41 (EDT)
Erin's story is my twenty-two year old daughter Charity's story . Except, Charity hasn't died, yet. Right now I'm thinking that she probably will die. Nothing has worked. Five rehabs, jail six times, six overdoses...the last one I had to give her CPR. She's been on Methadone Maintenance Treatment and still used while on that. She's losing the battle...is she even fighting it anymore? I'm worn out from it. I also have a twenty-five year old son in recovery from heroin addiction. He is doing well. He's m ore motivated. I have custody of his five year old daughter because the mother is a heroin addict as well. The mother is like my daughter. Does this horrible demon of addiction hit young women harder? Right now I feel defeated. How can I help Charity if s he can't help herself? You can't make someone want to try anymore. I've become an activist in the community. If I can prevent someone else from beginning this trip to hell I will. Pink Floyd says it all.
Leslie Hinebaugh <LHinebaugh@ndm.edu>
Finksburg, MD USA - Friday, April 06, 2001 at 21:31:29 (EDT)
my boyfriend is a user.. i vowed i would never be involved with a drug addict.. but i went into our relationship fully aware that he uses heroin.. i love him so much.. he hates the fact that he's a user, but he can't help it. .. i don't know what to do , because there's no one here that can help him.. i love him.. help him
lena <lena_g8@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, April 05, 2001 at 18:45:30 (EDT)
I am very sorry to read this story. I have a brother living in Australia who is addicted. I have no contact with him. I know that he is emotionally disturbed and has been addicted for 8 years now. Every day I wait for a phone call from my family telli ng me he has died. I feel so sad about this. I want to bring him to the states and help him. I want to know how he could do this after seeing our mother die of a drug overdose. I want to know how he could let his two daughters be put into foster care bec ause of his own selfishness. He is 27 years old. All I can do is pray and hope that he gets better. If he only knew how much I love him.
Danielle Jordan <dannie142@hotmail.com>
Memphis, TN USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 23:08:49 (EDT)
Erin if only you could know the good you and your mom have contributed. Rest in peace little buddy. Happy b'day.
Kitty <mkt_sys@yahoo.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 19:51:41 (EDT)
Happy Birthday, Erin!!! I miss you and think of you everyday!! I read your site almost everyday and this is the first I have written. There is so much I want to say but I don't even know where to start. I think that what your mom is doing is very c ouragous and a great thing. Everyday I see how this website and your mom are helping people and it helps me find peace. I know that you are looking after us.
A Friend
Newark, DE USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 16:19:50 (EDT)
i'm sitting here reading all these letters about people who have had loved ones die from heroin and i'm reading about their pain and how much they've suffered, and i can clearly see how selfish i'm being every time i put heroin and/or coke in my veins. but i don't know what's wrong with me. i've known people who've died from this, i've heard awful stories, i've been through the sickness, i have an absess on my arm right now that is so painful- puss and blood have been leaking out of it for days but i'm too afraid to go see a doctor. all of this and i'm still craving this shit. my arms are bruised in places where i've missed, my hands are swollen and scarred. how sick does a person have to be to look all this pain and saddness and death in the face and still crave a shot? i've been using since august. me and my boyfriend starting using on my birthday and now i don't even care enough to make sure i make it to my next birthday. i've sold alot of my things, stolen money from work and from my parents and fr om my boyfriend's parents. i am $3000 in debt from taking cash advances out on my credit card. i've sat here and cried while i read erin's story and my heart breaks for you and the rest of her family. half of me wants to quit all this bullshit; half of me wants to be set free from all of this. but the other half of me doesn't want to lose that comfort i feel every time i hit a vein. although heroin has me locked in it's chains, this is when i feel the most free. and i'm afraid of losing that. even though the guilt of my selfishness is overbearing, the fear of losing my one comfort is stronger. heroin is my life now. and i fear losing the life of heroin more than i fear losing the life inside me that that breathes and bleeds and cries and feels.
sarah <starlight010@angelfire.com>
tx USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 14:06:14 (EDT)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN, I LOVE YOU, MOM
MOM <alle@delanet>
wilmington, de USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 12:29:21 (EDT)
Dear Erin, I miss you love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY
mom <alle@delanet.com>
Wilmington, De USA - Tuesday, April 03, 2001 at 11:16:48 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen I was surfing tonight and came across your website by chance and it has changed the way that I view Heroin addicts...I truly believe that some people have an addictive nature and can therefore be susceptible to becoming addicted to anything whether it be pot, alcohol,doomed relationships, cocaine or other hard drugs. The words from Erin's diary that the drug comes in the form of an angel but is in fact the devil made it all very clear to me and made me realise that ANYONE can be at a point in their lives when accepting this drug if it's offered to them seems like salvation.... May God bless you and all the others on this website who are trying to cope with the agony of dealing with addiction or the consequences of their loved ones addiction. Keep fighting and motivate eachother to get through this, to anyone using - life is a w onderful and precious thing, DON'T GIVE UP! May the real angels protect Erin for eternity. Deepest sympathy Michelle xxx
Michelle Jones <alanmich@magix.com.sg>
Singapore - Monday, April 02, 2001 at 10:55:26 (EDT)
BOOK PROPOSAL The idea of compiling a collection of writings in the form of a book, dealing with “the drug experiences” and drug dependence was born while visiting a number of websites dedicated to drug use and addiction. I firmly believe in the potential strength of s uch collection of writings exploring the powerful and often devastating effects, which drugs can have on our lives. There is no limit to the literary form, which the pieces can take: fiction, nonfiction, poetry, letters, interviews etc. Nor there is a limit to the way the subject is approached. A number of similar literary collections, including the of writings by famous authors such as De Quincey, Cocteau, Baudelaire, Burroughs, Huxley, Billie Holliday and others, have been published in the past with various degrees of success. However, my pri mary interest lies in the writings of a wider variety of individuals, reflecting on their unique personal and diverse experiences. My aim is not only to produce a book of gripping and unforgettable literature, but also to attempt to change certain dogmas, social stereotypes and perceptions of “the junkie” and drug user in our society. Both literature and substance “abuse” have been an important part of my life, hence, my deep and sincere dedication to this project. (I recently finished a short documentary on the subject called “Lemon is Lemon”, and by the end of the summer I hope to ha ve completed a full-length documentary, on which I have been working over a year now.) If you are interested in participating in this project, please submit your works by e-mail (as Word attachments) to: kbprojects@aol.com. You also may wish to include a brief bio and contact information. I will review all submissions and inform the pote ntial participants before any part of their writings are used. The contributors will retain the copyright over their works outside of this publication. For those who wish to remain anonymous, a pen name or simply “Anonymous” could be used instead of the real name of the author. I kindly thank you for your consideration and I offer you my best wishes. Best Regards, Konstantin Bojanov PS Please use “Book project” in the title of your e-mails.
Konstantin Bojanov <Kbpojects@aol.com>
NYC, NY USA - Thursday, March 29, 2001 at 23:31:05 (EST)
I am doing the pilot for a new series on the USA Network. We will be doing 64 episodes on Interventions. About 1/3 to 1/2 of these episodes will deal with drug related interventions. I am now looking for a family with a minor child hwo needs to get treatment. We will be able to help this family get their loved one into a free treatment facility in exchange for their participation in the TV show. For this pilot we are looking for families in Florida, but once we begin the series we will be doing s tories all across the country. Please feel free to give me a call at 818-623-4653 with any questions.
Rick Szekely <rszekely@filmgarden.net>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Monday, March 26, 2001 at 15:42:00 (EST)
I'm not quite sure what to say - this page was not something I had ever intended to come across, but I have and now it's really made me think. I'm working on research for part of a book, and thus far I have had a very hard time finding personal inform ation. I decline from asking friends from their stories, because it has always been too painful. I was trying to remain neutral, and here i am, and it doesn't work. my sympathy and empathy go out to all of those who come here with stories and losses an d so forth. mrs. allen, congratulations for being such a strong woman - i can't begin to imagine how hard this has all been for you. thank you for posting this page. if anyone would be willing to share the stories of their addiction for a fact-based fiction piece, i would greatly appreciate it - i want people to learn about heroin addiction like they can here. thanks a lot.
C K Andrew <genevadrake@juno.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Sunday, March 25, 2001 at 12:47:24 (EST)
dear mrs. allen... i went to delcastle high school c/o 2000. i saw you speak twice and it was overwhelming. a close family of mine is caught up in addiction and it's bad. i know you don't remember me but you gave me a card to come to a meeting herion h urts. it's so hard to deal with and seems like nobody understands how i feel. i just wanna shake my family member and make her stop but i know she'll stop when she ready but what if she od's first. what hurts the most is she has 3 beautiful children who n eed her they are well taken care of but they still need there mom. thank you for showing me i'm not the only one going through this. i don't want anyone to go through this but i feel you are someone i can talk to. god bless you and hugs. erica
erica <ericapookie19@aol.com>
bear, de USA - Friday, March 23, 2001 at 10:26:55 (EST)
dear mrs. allen... i went to delcastle high school c/o 2000. i saw you speak twice and it was overwhelming. a close family of mine is caught up in addiction and it's bad. i know you don't remember me but you gave me a card to come to a meeting herion h urts. it's so hard to deal with and seems like nobody understands how i feel. i just wanna shake my family member and make her stop but i know she'll stop when she ready but what if she od's first. what hurts the most is she has 3 beautiful children who n eed her they are well taken care of but they still need there mom. thank you for showing me i'm not the only one going through this. i don't want anyone to go through this but i feel you are someone i can talk to. god bless you and hugs. erica
erica <ericapookie19@aol.com>
bear, de USA - Friday, March 23, 2001 at 09:59:13 (EST)
dear mrs. allen... i went to delcastle high school c/o 2000. i saw you speak twice and it was overwhelming. a close family of mine is caught up in addiction and it's bad. i know you don't remember me but you gave me a card to come to a meeting herion h urts. it's so hard to deal with and seems like nobody understands how i feel. i just wanna shake my family member and make her stop but i know she'll stop when she ready but what if she od's first. what hurts the most is she has 3 beautiful children who n eed her they are well taken care of but they still need there mom. thank you for showing me i'm not the only one going through this. i don't want anyone to go through this but i feel you are someone i can talk to. god bless you and hugs. erica
erica <ericapookie19@aol.com>
bear, de USA - Friday, March 23, 2001 at 09:59:12 (EST)
THANK YOU!I MADE IT YET THROUGH ANOTHER TRIAL!I GOT NEWS THIS MORNING ABOUT MINDYS CASE.THEY MAY HAVE SOME MORE INFO FOR ME. IM STILL NOT SURE WHAT HAPPEN TO MINDY. I KNOW 911 DID NOT DISPATCH WHEN THEY WERE CALLED.BUT I DO NOT WANT BLOOD MONEY!!I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG.I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ERIN ON HER BIRTHDAY.THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR BEING A FRIEND TO SO MANY PEOPLE. MINDYS MOM
KATHY
USA - Friday, March 23, 2001 at 09:24:46 (EST)
Hi mrs.allen on march first 1st you came to my school (Howard High). I tryed to write that day but i couldn't get through.I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I gave all my friends your web site so they could take a look. I couldn't sleep the nig ht you came to my school i stayed up all night thinking about you and your daughter and how much pain you and your husband must be in about her death. I so sorry to hear about your daughter and i will pray for your family.
Tiffany <Tiferbug@aol.com>
New Castle, De USA - Thursday, March 22, 2001 at 19:36:24 (EST)
HI MRS ALLEN,TODAY IS MINDYS BIRTHDAY,SHES 20 YEARS OLD TODAY.MINDY WAS BORN ON A SUNDAY AT 7:12AM.I WAS ONLY 16,THANK GOD FOR MOTHERS,MY MOTHER HELPED ME WITH MINDY.MY MOM PASSED AWAY IN 1994,I KNOW MINDY IS WITH HER NOW.IF I CAN GET THROUGH THIS DAY MAYBE I WILL BE OK.I PUT ALOT OF POEMS IN THE LOCAL PAPER FOR HER TODAY.I MISS HER SO MUCH.I WANT TO SEE HER FACE AND HERE HER LAUGH.I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MISS ERIN TOO. SOMETIMES I WISH MINDY WASN"T MY DAUGHTER THEN IT WOULD NOT HURT SO VERY:VERY BAD.THANK YOU FOR WRITTING ME.IT HELPS ALOT GOD BLSS YOU SINCERELY MINDYS MOM
KATHY
USA - Thursday, March 22, 2001 at 07:40:25 (EST)
HELLO!! A LITTLE MORE THEN A YEAR AGO MRS. ALLEN CAME TO MY SCHOOL, WILLIAM TENNENT HIGH SCHOOL AND TOLD US ABOUT ERIN. EVERYONE WAS EXPECTING THIS BOARING LECTURE AND THEN WHEN YOU STARTED TALKING EVERYONE SEEMED TO BE LISTENING. I WAS ONE OF THE PEOP LE WHO WAS LISTENING TO YOU. I WAS REALLY TOUCHED BY YOU AND THE STORY YOU TOLD ABOUT YOUR DAUGHER ERIN, I WENT HOME AND MADE SURE I LOOKED AT THIS SITE AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON IT AND I WROTE ONCE BEFORE BUT MY FRIEND MADE ME A CD TODAY AND IT HAD THE SONG WISH YOU WERE HERE ON IT AND I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT DAY YOU CAME TO MY SCHOOL. I REMEMBERED IT WAS HERION ALERT BUT I DIDN'T REMEMBER IT WAS ORG INSTEAD OF COM AND IT TOOK ME A WHILE BUT I WAN'T GONNA GIVE UP ON FINDING IT SO I KEPT LOOKING AND I FINAL LY AFTER ABOUT 2 HOURS LOOKING FOR IT I FOUND IT AND TOLD MY BOYFRIEND ABOUT IT. HE WAS TOUCHED TOO!! I STILL THINK OF HOW MUCH COURAGE IT TOOK YOU TO GET UP THERE IN FROUNT OF SO MANY OF US KIDS AND TELL YOUR STORY THAT I LOOK UP TO YOU. I WISH I KNEW YO U AND YOUR FAMILY BUT THEIR IS A PART OF ME THAT FEELS THAT I DO. I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN AND LET YOU KNOW THAT WE AT TENNENT DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU AND WOULD WELCOME YOU BACK ANYTIME. YOUR A GREAT PERSON AND I HOPE GOD BLESSES YOU AND YOUR FAMILY BECAUSE YOU ARE LIKE ANGLES TO MANY PEOPLE... OR THIER INSPERATION. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANYWAY YOU COULD SEND ME SOME INFO ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY(THE KIND LIKE HOW YOU ARE DOING)I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR PERSONALLY FROM YOU, YOU ARE HEL PING ME AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE IN MANY WAYS. I THANK YOU AGAIN. PLEASE WRITE BACK MRS.ALLEN!!!! *~*~YOUR DEAR FRIEND AT HEART~*~* tIfFaNy DeMoS
Tiffany Demos <baskettiff@yahoo.com>
Warminster, pa USA - Wednesday, March 21, 2001 at 21:43:57 (EST)
THANK YOU FOR HAVING THE COURAGE TO START THIS PAGE. I TOO AM A STRUGGLING ADDICT FOR THE LAT 10 YEARS. I AM 26 NOW AND AM HAVING A BABY GIRL IN JULY. I HAVE ONE DAY CLEAN AND WHAT I READ IS HELPING ME THROUGH TODAY. THANK YOU AND I AM SORRY FOR YOUR L OSS
JAMMIE <JSKAZENSKI@COR-TECH.COM>
EDISON, NJ USA - Wednesday, March 21, 2001 at 15:29:52 (EST)
I am sorry for your loss. I am a recoving addict (5 years) and heroin was my drug of choice. I am clean through my Higher Power and a 12-step program. I got clean when I was twenty y.o. Your daughter's story really touched me. I know how she felt when she wrote that journal entry. Unfortunately, I am still reminded of the horrors of addiction, as my older brother is still struggling with heroin and other drugs. Thank you for your courage and God rest Erin's soul.
Tim <failsafenation@yahoo.com>
Trenton, NJ USA - Tuesday, March 20, 2001 at 10:48:30 (EST)
I need to know of a highly structured half-way house for heroin addicted 45 year old brother in law. Thank you.
Jim Virden <jv@lindhultjones.com>
Dublin, PA USA - Tuesday, March 20, 2001 at 10:12:10 (EST)
May God bless you & grant you peace.
Solomohn Ennis <Solomohn01@aol.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Tuesday, March 20, 2001 at 09:02:25 (EST)
I am so sorry to have read your story about Erin. I just lost my 25 year old brother on February 21, 2001 to an accidental overdose. I can relate to what you are going through and what Erin ahd to say in her journal. I am intersted to know if you belei ve Erin ahd any emothional/mental problems that caused her to use. I am interested in starting a foundation that distributes funds to centers that help patients with dual diagnosis. This term is used when patients have both a mental disorder and a chemica l dependancy. Please let me know if you have any information for me. I miss my brother terribly and need to do something good for all of the addicts and their families who are still struggling out there. You can reach me at jbecca-1@msn.com. Jenny Bond
Jenny Bond <jbecca-1@msn.com>
Pasadena, MD USA - Monday, March 19, 2001 at 12:22:13 (EST)
My deepest sympathy goes out to you and your family. I want to thank you for being so brave and sharing Erin's story. I am a heroin addict currently in recovery. I broke down and cried when I read Erin's journel page. I thought that I wrote it myse lf. All the overwhelming feelings that the drug has over us. It terrorfies me. I know that my chances aren't that good to actually beat this disease. In fact only 1 out of every 100 heroin additcs make it, but I know that I don't want to be a statisti c. Erin's story has inspired me and reminded me that when we feel weak and cry out, we can't take no for an answer. Thank you again, and I hope you have found the peace that you deserve.
Deaunna Webb <deaunna69@hotmail.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Monday, March 19, 2001 at 11:21:53 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Ellen, my heart goes out to you. Only one who also lost a child can know how you feel. I lost my youngest son Gregg (27) 4 years ago to a heroin overdose. We never were allowed to say good bye to him. His partially decomposed body was found 2 weeks after he had died in his van which was parked just 2 blocks away from a police station in New York City. A police officer came in my husband's hardware store, with customers and sales clerks there and said: Do you have a son Gregg? If yes, he is dead. Our hearts broke. 2 months before his death he had come home to detox but he had to do community service and apparently hooked up with the old crowd. The identification of his body (by pictures) and the way everything was handled was a nightmare we will never forget. I wish young people would access these sites that share the devastation heroin causes and learn to never be seduced by this evil. Lisa lburns63@juno.com
Lisa Burns <lburns63@juno.com>
Oakland, NJ USA - Saturday, March 17, 2001 at 21:02:23 (EST)
3 DAYS AGO MY EX GIRLFRIEND CAME HOME FROM REHAB IN FLORIDA. HER PARENTS TOLD HER TO MAKE A DECISION , HER FAMILY OR MITCH ( THEY GUY WHO GOT HER INTO HEROIN). SHE MAKE A HASTY DECISION AND WITH HIM SHE WENT. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO OR THINK, I'M GOI N TO LOOK FOR HER AND ASK HER TO READ THE EXCERPT FROM ERINS DIARY. IT TOUCHED ME IN WAYS I CANT EXPLAIN.I'M SITTING HER WRITING THIS WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE. I DONT KNOW WHATS GOIN TO HAPPEN IF I LOSE THIS GIRL I'V LOVED SINCE THE FOURTH GRADE. W ERE BOTH 18 NOW AND SHE'S BEING MANIPULATED BY MITCH. HE'S 22 AND USING HER DEPRESION (SHES A MANIC DEPRESANT) AGAINST HER, HE TOLD HER, HER DEPRESION WOULD GO AWAY IF SHE DID HEROIN. SHE BELIEVED HIM AND HERE WE ARE TODAY. I CARE ABOUT HER LIFE MORE THAT MY OWN AND I LOVE HER MORE THAN MY OWN FAMILY, I DONT KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO OR HOW TO START. HOW DO YOU TELL THE ONES YOU LOVE, YOU LOVE THEM AND EXPECT THEM TO GET IT WHEN THEIR MIND IS CLOUDED MY HEROIN. EVERYDAY FOR THE LAST 7 MONTHS HAS GONE BY AND I CRY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO. SHE WAS CLEAN FOR 40 DAYS WHEN I LAST SAW HER. BUT WILL I EVER SEE HER AGAIN? WILL I EVER GET TO TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER? WILL I EVER GET TO HOLD HER IN MY ARMS AND GRY TO HER BECAUSE I LOVE HER SO MUCH? I GUESS ONLY TIME CAN TELL, IF THEIR REALLY IS A GOD, PLEASE HELP KEEP HER STRONG, AND SAFE I LOVE HER AND I COULDNT LIVE WITH OUT HER. IF ANYONE WHO READS THIS LIVE AROUND BEL AIR OR ABINGDON MD, AND COULD HELP ME I WULD BE FOREVER IN DEBT TO YOU, EMAIL ME IF YOU HA VE ANYTHING, ITS GETTING HARD TO MAINTAIN. BUT I'LL FIND HER AND LOVE WILL PREVAIL.
KARL JACOBS <JYARDDOG@HOTMAIL.COM>
ABINGDON, MD USA - Saturday, March 17, 2001 at 09:23:08 (EST)
thanks for writting me back.it means alot to me.thank you sincerely mindys mom
kathy
USA - Friday, March 16, 2001 at 16:01:34 (EST)
I am so sorry fo your loss. Everything in my life has been touched by the evilness of heroin use. I just hope that someone seeing this will know not to try heroin, no matter how tempting it may be. When you do heroin, not only is your life affected, so is everyones around you.
tara
USA - Friday, March 16, 2001 at 10:56:51 (EST)
Mrs. Allen - I stumbled upon your website while researching information on heroin. I am a biology teacher and am currently doing a unit on drugs with my students. Tomorrow I will share your website with my class. I can only hope that Erin's story will leave as great a n impression on my students as it has on me. Thank you for sharing Erin's struggles with us. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Respectfully yours, Kara
Kara
Salem, NH USA - Thursday, March 15, 2001 at 19:12:34 (EST)
dear mrs allen. its been 2 months since my mindy died.i still cannot sleep very well at night.im so thankful people like me can write you.sometimes i think folks are tired of me talking about mindy all the time.i just cant help it.i miss her face and l augh and lying on the sofa feet to feet playing around and her smell.all the things that are just day to day stuff.thank you for listing and helping people.god bless you .i pray you are doing alright sincerely mindys mom
kathy
USA - Wednesday, March 14, 2001 at 17:42:21 (EST)
MRS.ALLEN MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO LOSE THERE WAY,AND ON THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO LOVE THEM AND LEFT TO GRIEVE. MRS.ALLEN I'M WRITING TO YOU BECAUSE OF THE PAIN I SEE MY MOTHER GOING THROUGH AND ALSO BECAUSE OF MY OWN. ME AND MY PARENTS RECIEVED A PHONE CALL FROM THE RICHMOND POLICE DEPARTMENT THAT MY BROTHER LOUIS WAS FOUND IN AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE ON 03-10-2001 FOUND ON HIS DECOMPOSED BODY WAS A NEEDLE,A BAGGY AND A RECIEPT THAT WAS DATED 12-14-00 THAT WAS THE LAST DAY MY MOTH ER SPOKE TO HIM. MY MOTHER PUT IN A MISSING PERSONS REPORT ON THE DAY AFTER HER BIRTHDAY WHICH WAS IN JANUARY BECAUSE HE HADNT CALLED. HE WAS HOMELESS AND 34 YEARS OLD AND LEFT BEHIND 1 CHILD IN THE SUMMER OF 1989 MY PARENTS ALSO RECIEVED CALL FROM THE RICHMOND POLICE DEPARTMENT STATING THAT MY OTHER BROTHER JOESPH WAS FOUND DEAD OF AN OVERDOSE OF HERION.LESS THAN 6 HOURS AFTER BEING RELEASED FROM JAIL. HE WAS 25 YEARS OLD AND LEFT BEHIND 3 CH ILDREN THIS STORIES CONTINUES MY OLDEST BROTHER IS CURRENTLY SERVING A 3 YEAR SENTENCE IN STATE PRISON FOR POSSESSION OF HERION WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS DRUG? WHY? THE ONLY THING THAT COMES FROM THESE STUPID DRUGS ARE BROKEN FAMILIES AND DEAD BODIES GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY
JOHN COSTA <jtcosta1@hotmail.com>
RICHMOND, CA USA - Wednesday, March 14, 2001 at 14:21:36 (EST)
Hi. My friend has been depressed for a long time, she. Her step dad is horrible to her and she just fells that the only way she can get out of it is to take herion. She is only 13 like me. I didn't know what to do when she said it first. I came on the internet to find some information about herion, that i could give to her and show her how bad it was. I found Erins story and new that, this might Make her change her mind. The next day sshe got some herion. I gave her the story. After reading it i think she started to understand a bit more about it, and she realized she had friends around her. I know you may think that i am only a child but and that she was probably messing about but she wasn't. I would like to say thank you for putting your story to the public. I hope you have a very nice life and most of all try to enjoy it.
Beth <frank@frankmccay.fsnet.co.uk>
England - Tuesday, March 06, 2001 at 14:02:12 (EST)
my husband, joshua died on February 13, 2001. he was 19 years old. The autopsy still isn't back yet, but from what we have pieced together he died of an overdose. supposedly heroine. Joshua left behind alot of people who loved him. i am here alone to raise a baby due in may. i'm sad to say that his death may be overlooked and written off as an overdose or an accidental suicide. God help me, i won't let it end that way.
BREE CLARK <bree_clark@hotmail.com>
stoystown, pa USA - Monday, March 05, 2001 at 18:26:22 (EST)
hello, mrs.allen, i have been through a lot of what erin has been through, as u know. i am finally back at home with my parents (patty& steve). things r going well, hope 2 hear from u soon.
kim <sunlover4ever3@cs.com>
middletown, de USA - Friday, March 02, 2001 at 15:32:01 (EST)
Dear Mrs.Allen, You were at my school today March 1,2001 (Howard Vo-Tech) and your story about your daughter Erin truely broke my heart.I am a 16 year old female and i wouldn't know what to do with myself if i had a family member or someone close to me die from a drug addiction. I am so touched that you can talk about this tragic experience in your life and still be such a strong person. It is clear to me that you are your own person and a strong one for that. I hope nothen but the best for you and your family in the n ear future. The story about Erin will always remain in my mind, and i will from now on feel your pain and the great deal you must be going through in your everyday life. I hope you read this and respond because i would really enjoy talking to you and your family about Erin and the way she lived. After the assembaly in school i wanted to come talk to you but i really had to get back to class. I wanted to ask you how do you and the family deal with Erin's death everyday?? I know i would be a mess and i wou ld never stop crying. I am fortunate enough that i don't know anyone who does or ever did Heroin but i know if i did the moment i found out i would tell an adault and try my hardest to get them some help. I really enjoyed hearing you talk about Erin today in school and i hope you never have to deal with that again.I am also very sorry to hear about Erin. Sincerly, Pommy
Pommy Chambers <NOTPRUDE69@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, March 01, 2001 at 20:23:53 (EST)
Dear ERINS MOM Hope today is a good day for .I JUST SEEM OUT OF MY MIND.THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD STILL BE LOOKING FOR MINDY IN CHICAGO OR WAITING ON A CALL FROM JAIL.I DONT NO WHAT I SHOULD DO.I STILL WANT TO HELP MY DAUGHTER.IM SO LOS T.I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND.HOW DO YOU GO ON.EVERYONE SAYS TIME HELPS.BUT EVERYDAY I DONT SEE MINDY IWANT HER MORE.WHY DID OUR CHILDREN WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS?THEY WERE SMART AND PRETTYAND FUNNY .WHY? IAM SORRY FOR GOING ON AND ON.I JUST DONT GET IT. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO DIE FRIST.I THINK OF YOUR FAMILY ALOT.IWISH THIS DIDNT HAPPEN.ALWAYS MY PRAYERS ARE WITH. FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER HOW DO WE GET THROUGH THIS ?SINCERELY MINDYS MOM
kathy
USA - Thursday, March 01, 2001 at 14:21:40 (EST)
My boyfriend is a heroin addicit. He has been using for 3 years. When I first met him we smoked pot and drank. then coke got involved, I lost everything. I was only 16 years old and a addicted to crack. My own parents turned their back on me. then 2 ye ars later I found out I was pregnant, I lost the baby because I was 4 months and didn't know and it was to late. I misscarried. 2 weeks later I'm pregnant again. kassandra is now 13 months old and nothing but perfect. everything is great,I've been clean f or 28 months. My daughters father on the other hand is not ok. I cry every night and HOPE TO GOD that he will stop but things don't get better they only get worse. The fighting the tears I can barley do anything for myself. I want to leave him but I can't . I love him so much, everyone else has turned there back on him, I'm his last chance. He is so sad all the time. If he doesn't have it he gets short and fights with me or he'll just leave for a while. He loves his daughter with all of his heart and loves me but this drug has got a strong hold on him like nothing I have ever seen in my life. on top of everything his health is shot he has a liver problem and won't get checked out. I told him if I were god things would be so different. If I could take back just 3 years of mine and his life I would. He is hurting so bad inside and feels that there is no hope. I don't want him to die but I think he is going to. I am so afraid that I'm going to wake up and find him dead next to me. But my worst fear is having to tell my daughter that her father died of a heroin overdose. I feel stuck like there is nothing I can do for him. I know he has to want to do it but I just pray to god every night and all I can do is hope that this will someday caome to an end before it 's to late. I can't say I know how u feel for losing ur daughter because I don't, and I can not even begin to imagine what it feels like. but I do know what it feels like to feel helpless and wishing and trying everyday to become more and more stronger to deal with this addiction. because even though I'm not the addicit I'm still feeling this gut renching pain in my stomach everyday, crying everyday. hopeing and wishing everything is gonna be ok. I'm sorry for the loss of ur daughter, like i said there is no greater loss. That song by Pink Floyd that is mine and Jessie's song. thats what triggered me to right to u. I'm sorry for telling u my life story but there is noone in my life i can talk to and i had to get it out. If u could ever respond to my lette r. It would be greatly appriciated. thank u for listening. kara
kara <karakassie@ aol.com>
toms river, nj USA - Wednesday, February 28, 2001 at 19:55:04 (EST)
DEAR ERINS MOM THANK YOU FOR WRITTING TO ME. IM IN SO MUSH PAIN.I KNOW YOU ARE TOO.I DONT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.I JUST KEEP ASKING GOD WHY.THIS HURTS SO MUCH.PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SO NICE BUT THEY REALLYDONT UNDERSTAND HOW VERY BAD THIS PAIN.ITS HURTS DOW N IN MY BONES. IM NOT GOOD AT THIS COMPUTER.MINDY WAS GOING TO SHOW ME BUT MINDY DIEDTHE SAME DAY SHE GOT OUT OF JAIL. GOD IMSS HER.PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.A LOT HAS HAPPEND IN MY SMALL TOWN.IF ONE CHILD IS SAVED .MINDY DIDNT DIE IN V AIN.IM SO VERY VERY SORRY ABOUT ERIN SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. SINCERELY KATHY ;
kathy <pepygal36@home.com>
USA - Wednesday, February 28, 2001 at 17:05:00 (EST)
DEAR ERINS MOM THANK YOU FOR WRITTING TO ME. IM IN SO MUSH PAIN.I KNOW YOU ARE TOO.I DONT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS.I JUST KEEP ASKING GOD WHY.THIS HURTS SO MUCH.PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SO NICE BUT THEY REALLYDONT UNDERSTAND HOW VERY BAD THIS PAIN.ITS HURTS DOW N IN MY BONES. IM NOT GOOD AT THIS COMPUTER.MINDY WAS GOING TO SHOW ME BUT MINDY DIEDTHE SAME DAY SHE GOT OUT OF JAIL. GOD IMSS HER.PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.A LOT HAS HAPPEND IN MY SMALL TOWN.IF ONE CHILD IS SAVED .MINDY DIDNT DIE IN V AIN.IM SO VERY VERY SORRY ABOUT ERIN SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. SINCERELY KATHY ;
kathy <pepygal36@home.com>
USA - Wednesday, February 28, 2001 at 17:04:57 (EST)
I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, am a heroin addict. I am also 21 years old. I have almost four months clean today and I am own methadone, which has helped me very much. Reading your web page made me cry. Erin and I could have been the exact s ame person. It reminds me just how lucky I am to be alive and well. Thank you for helping me to stay sober for one more day.
Megan <fiercegrl@hotmail.com>
Ogdensburg, NJ USA - Tuesday, February 27, 2001 at 17:47:11 (EST)
No words in this world can describe how I feel, it feels like I have known Erin for years just from this site, its like a friend dying. I want you to know it wasn't your fault. My ex boyfriend is hooked on heroin and I fear for him so much. This drug is for no one.
Rhiannon <Rock_chick77@start.com.au>
Greensborough, Vic Australia - Tuesday, February 27, 2001 at 02:20:02 (EST)
I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY . MY DAUGHTER MINDY WAS ONLY 19.IM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND AND MAKE SINCEOUT OF THIS.THESE ARE GOOD KIDS THAT ARE DYING.HOW DO WE FIGHT THIS DEMON.I FEEL SO EMPTY.I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN GET PAST THIS.I THINK ABOUT MY DAUGHTER EVE RY MINUTE.I FEEL RAW .IM SO VERY VERY SORRY AND SAD FOR YOUR ERIN . SINCERLY KATHY
kathy bruhn <pepygal36@home.com>
chesterton, in USA - Monday, February 26, 2001 at 20:34:56 (EST)
i also had a daughter die from heroin .her name is mindy.my pain is so deep . i dont know if i can stand.iwill pray for your family.my daughter died on 1/13/2001 in a snow bank.mindys friends left her there to die . GOD help them .
kathy bruhn <pepy@home.com>
chesterton, in USA - Monday, February 26, 2001 at 20:20:32 (EST)
Thanks for your web site. I lost my dad to a heroin overdose...no one knew he was doing it. It is so important for me to warn people of the dangers of this horrible drug, and you are doing a wonderful thing with this web site.
Stephanie
USA - Sunday, February 25, 2001 at 21:45:43 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I arrived at this page.. I guess because I started using heroin 2 weeks ago. I am an alcoholic who tried rehab. counseling, and sometimes I believe God takes us for his own reasons. The craving is so great that when I don't think about it I feel like something is missing. I'm sorry about Erin and your words have maybe added more tears to my soul. I'll see her soon. Chris
Chris <bluesmoke101>
Queens, NY USA - Saturday, February 24, 2001 at 01:18:39 (EST)
Mrs. Allen...I just came upon your site as I was looking for info on "heroin deaths" I too, lost my wonderful son Dustin to heroin Feb.12,2000 he was 19 an attending the Univ. Of Miami. We were not only shocked and devestated to find out that our son p assed from heroin but his friends were equally devestated!! We have since been investigating his death because....Dustin did not have a drug problem!!! We know that like most kids in college he was havivg a good time. But, when this happened and we got the call....we immediately thought it was his ashthma and maybe even something wrong with his heart. We had to wait many weeks for the final report and we were shocked as well as his closest friends. You see there had been a big party that night....we don't know what may have been offered to him....We are now a GRIEVING family who were caught "off guard"..this can happen to anybody's child...."hey snort some of this, it will make you feel better"....and BAM...it is over!! No one should ever get a call like this...not anyone!! Sometimes I wish I could say that my son had been in and out of trouble...in rehab, in counseling...all of that...then maybe it would make some kind of sense...not that it is any easier...but MAKE SENSE....this for us was like a blow to the back of our heads!! So to all parents out there...tell your kids they are not immune and take them to look at some parents eyes that have buried a child and let them look at the sadness because it stays forever!! We as parents will never be the same...never feel the same...and always long for our children. And to you heroin addicts out there....just keep on trying to get help. No matter how long it takes and how many times you try...you may find a meeting that works and people who will get you through that "one day"...so that maybe the next day will be drug free also!! My prayers go out to all who have been touched by this devil!! and it is the devil!!
valerie <valray456@aol.com>
USA - Friday, February 23, 2001 at 21:54:24 (EST)
I am truly sorry about the loss of your daughter. I right now is struggling with the hardest thing in my life, staying straight off of heroin and cocaine.I've been using on and off for about 4 years and in and out of rehabs, been to methadone clinics, and recently got out of jail. If it wasn't for jail I wouldn't be writing this letter right now. I too stole my mothers car and crashed into a house just because desperate to get my fix.I'm only twenty years old and I'm struggling with the worst thing tha t anyone should have to struggle through.And now it's gonna take a long time to get my life back on track. I just had a baby boy and I want to be there for him. If it wasn't for jail, I'd probably be dead now. If anyone is out there that's reading this st ruggling with someone that has an addiction problem, send them to jail for a few months.Don't accept their calls, and let them feel like they're alone so they can realize how much they have and what they have a possibility of losing or had already lost. M aybe they'll think twice about picking up a bag of dope!
Robert Heath <Rachelnn@aol.com>
GreenBrook, NJ USA - Thursday, February 22, 2001 at 13:54:21 (EST)
I can not begin to grasp the devastation you must deal with. The most defeating scenario I can imagine is to outlive your own child. I am a 36-year-old heroin addict who has been kicking, relapsing, and fighting opiate addiction for the past decade. I am sitting here battling the urge to go cop dope up in Harlem tonight, and I'm glad that fate brought me to your site. My life was once filled with promise, just as your daughter's was. I was the kid who excelled at everything. I tried heroin for the first time in 1982 at the age of seventeen, though I did not become an addict until 1991. I have struggled ever since, and Erin's story is all too familiar. I wish she were still here; I truly believe the world would be a better place with her in it.
RIchard <blortch@hotmail.com>
New York, NY USA - Wednesday, February 21, 2001 at 18:46:10 (EST)
I can not begin to grasp the devastation you must deal with. The most defeating scenario I can imagine is to outlive your own child. I am a 36-year-old heroin addict who has been kicking, relapsing, and fighting opiate addiction for the past decade. I am sitting here battling the urge to go cop dope up in Harlem tonight, and I'm glad that fate brought me to your site. My life was once filled with promise, just as your daughter's was. I was the kid who excelled at everything. I tried heroin for the first time in 1982 at the age of seventeen, though I did not become an addict until 1991. I have struggled ever since, and Erin's story is all too familiar. I wish she were still here; I truly believe the world would be a better place with her in it.
RIchard <blortch@hotmail.com>
New York, NY USA - Wednesday, February 21, 2001 at 18:46:02 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, I am not sure if you will ever get the chance to read this or not, but I just wanted to let you know that I cried the whole time I read this site. I am a heroin addict, and have been one for a year, mabe a little longer. I can totally relate to your daughter's diary. I myself have something written in my diary that is almost her words. I am going to be honest. I was having a terrible craving today and looked up heroin on the internet. I thought mabe I can read something that might make me think twice. Well, I did. I just went to Chicago jail on Monday Feburary 12,2001. I have lost my car, and have devestated my family, because this is the first time they have known about my deadly addiction. I have only been clean since Feburary 12, a nd it is a very scary thought that I should not ever shoot heroin into my arms again. Anyways, I honestly do not know for sure if I will be clean for the rest of my life. This drug has definetly taken a hold of me. I do want to tell you though that wha t I read will help me stay clean for today, so mabe I will read it again tomorrow. Thank you so much. May your daughter rest in peace. Please remember that she is not just another junkie, I myself am an intellegent 20 year old who attends college. Som etimes life introduces you to new things, mabe not good ones, and you always think you can control what you incounter untill it is to late. I am very sorry that this is such a long response to you. All I am really trying to say is that I feel the pain yo ur daughter had everyday of my life, but I want to thank you so much for making this day an easier one.
Becky <BeckPu@aol.com>
Crown Point, IN USA - Wednesday, February 21, 2001 at 17:24:36 (EST)
Hello.. I'm back here again.... I went to Erin's grave it's ver beutiful.. I prayed for her also and told her what an education your giving to children my age as well as adults.. My mom as sene the program also. I've prayed for Erin in the cemetary as well as i have entered her in my nightly prayers..Ever sinc emy grandmother died i decided to pray every night for her now that i cannot see her.. We spent a lot of good times together so i thought i'd include each night things we did in every prayer.. E ach prayer Starts out I REMEMBER... and goes on with the memory.. Now at the end of my prayer i always remember your speech erin's story and i pray for erin and the rest of the kids out there doing heroin or thing to do it.. Thanks so much and I'll keep i n touch with you
Melanie <lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Tuesday, February 20, 2001 at 19:14:14 (EST)
Hello.. I'm back here again.... I went to Erin's grave it's ver beutiful.. I prayed for her also and told her what an education your giving to children my age as well as adults.. My mom as sene the program also. I've prayed for Erin in the cemetary as well as i have entered her in my nightly prayers..Ever sinc emy grandmother died i decided to pray every night for her now that i cannot see her.. We spent a lot of good times together so i thought i'd include each night things we did in every prayer.. E ach prayer Starts out I REMEMBER... and goes on with the memory.. Now at the end of my prayer i always remember your speech erin's story and i pray for erin and the rest of the kids out there doing heroin or thing to do it.. Thanks so much and I'll keep i n touch with you
Melanie <lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Tuesday, February 20, 2001 at 19:14:01 (EST)
Hello. I live in Deleware and have attended two seperate private schools for most of my life. Both of which asked the police to give their drug program which you are a part of. I have seen it twice and I truly appreciate what you do for your communi ty. I am yet to see someone who is not touched deeply by your heartfelt speech. Thank you for caring so much as to give people my age an education about this horrible tradgedy which can occur to them. I know that it really makes a difference. -Daniel
Daniel <addenine@hotmail.com>
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, February 15, 2001 at 21:44:45 (EST)
My heart goes out to you, I can't stop crying as I write this. I just happened on your site while looking for forensic sites for my son. Tomorrow morning I'm going to tell both of my son's about Erin's story. I pray that somehow you and all of the others who have written here find real peace.
Deb K
NY USA - Wednesday, February 14, 2001 at 22:28:24 (EST)
hi mrs allen, well i just read alot of the condolence messages on here, and would like to share with u a little of my story? well im 32 years old and on methadone 2 i accidentaly came across this site because i was for some reason looking at rehabs in ur country programs just dont ask me why i was doing that maybe grass greener syndrome ! or i just want a change who knows! sometimes i feel i just want to get away from this place and start a new?well i guess most substinces are a bandade for some kind o f emotional pain ? and i use for various reasons? social problems due to sexuality etc? and anxiety disorder which recently found out? i guess the good thing is i can unlearn it ? my style of thinking and veiwing the world but i still have to overcome the addiction side and like learning to be conftorbale in my own skin? 2 etc its hard when society sometimes views same sex couples as aliens i find this a tough 1 to overcome and im trying not to blame here? but the fact are somepeople are tougher than othe rs i hate being judged in any ignorant way and can only deal with it by using a chemical !untill i guess i get a tough skin i will always use chemicals coz its easier and well with the combined anxiety get too hard at times and i just want to relax,slow d own those thoughts 2? i guess sometimes i wish i could be reborn again?thats how ifeel most days that someone would take me away get me of the methadone ! which i find really hard? and make me a new person ! tuck me away for 2 years somewhere safe and giv e me intense therapy ? coz anything has to be better than being chained to a chemist liquid handcuffs? and being numb ! anyhow i dont want to rave on coz gone on enuff? i hope that can somehow give u a insight into why people use and that is not so much a choice thing? but more a comfort thing? maybe if the world becomes more tolerant then so do we?? thanks simon wishing u all the happiness from this day on :=))
simon <umbros68@bigpond.com>
adelaide, sa australia - Wednesday, February 14, 2001 at 06:52:32 (EST)
dear mrs allen sorry for ur loss? hope life brings u happiness from this day in ? simon
simon <umbros68@bigpond.com>
adelaide, sa australia - Wednesday, February 14, 2001 at 06:40:24 (EST)
HelloMrs. Allen.... sorry it's meagain.. As iwas searching your website i clicked on the link "THE GIRL NEXT DOOR" as i read that it came to m attention Erin is buried at All Saints Cemetary... About a 3 or 4 years ago i just lost my grandmother.. My g randmother is also buried at that same cemetary.. I will have the pleasure of knowing she has been buried there... and iwill pray for her and my grandmother.. It shocked me deeply wheni knew that that is where she was buried and my loving family memberwas a lso buried there.. I'll have the pleasure of looking for her grave nexttime i am there and making sure she gets the best of prayers sent to her below.I'll tell her that your sending a reat message to kids all around... You must of een a great Mom! Than ks for everything againa nd sorry thisis my secondwrite.. I thought that was interesting.. I'd love to hear form you and maybe you can tell me and i will put some flowers there for her and give my cincere prayers to her.Love Always!
Melanie(me again) <Lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Tuesday, February 13, 2001 at 16:18:24 (EST)
HelloMrs. Allen.... sorry it's meagain.. As iwas searching your website i clicked on the link "THE GIRL NEXT DOOR" as i read that it came to m attention Erin is buried at All Saints Cemetary... About a 3 or 4 years ago i just lost my grandmother.. My g randmother is also buried at that same cemetary.. I will have the pleasure of knowing she has been buried there... and iwill pray for her and my grandmother.. It shocked me deeply wheni knew that that is where she was buried and my loving family memberwas a lso buried there.. I'll have the pleasure of looking for her grave nexttime i am there and making sure she gets the best of prayers sent to her below.I'll tell her that your sending a reat message to kids all around... You must of een a great Mom! Than ks for everything againa nd sorry thisis my secondwrite.. I thought that was interesting.. I'd love to hear form you and maybe you can tell me and i will put some flowers there for her and give my cincere prayers to her.Love Always!
Melanie(me again) <Lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Tuesday, February 13, 2001 at 16:18:21 (EST)
I had the assembly about 3 months ago. I think it was a great assembly. Usually in assemblies the kids dont pay attention and see it as a time to see friends and to socialize. But i think when u came to my school all of us listened to your story. I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. I am also very glad to see that u come around to all the schools to teach us about it. Its a great assembly and im glad u take ur time to do it.
Tammy <TammyJo44@aol.com>
Coatesville, PA USA - Tuesday, February 13, 2001 at 12:49:56 (EST)
Mrs & Mr. Allen, today Mrs. Allen came to our school to be a part of a presentation about heroin. The first portion was the New Castle Police Department, we learned that we as a state of DE have the leading drug use in the United States, and other facts. Like any of the o ther assemblies- few people payed close attention, some payed it everyonce in a while, etc. And then they introduced you- and told us what you would be talking about.It was amazing at how quiet the auditorium suddenly got- everyone payed attention to the movie and pictures. I really think it touched close to home to everyone in that auditorium. Many people, including me, cried. It was so sad, yet real about how she tried so hard to fight it, and all the ups and downs Erin and your family went through. I c an't imagine how tragic it must have been. I admire you for being able to talk about this to everyone, and i think that it's great you do this. For the people in my school that may have been thinking about starting or trying heroin- hopefully, most liekly this opened their eyes a little wider- that it's not just something teachers say- this is REAL- and your speech proved it. I'd just like to wish the best to you and your family- I'm sure everyone appreciated it- and i know that my friends and I definitly did. Although it was sad- i think that get our attention a little more! Thank you again!
Alexis <nsyncfanatic188@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:53:06 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, Today you cam to my school for the presentation. At first the cops just showed us the pictures of all the heroin addicts and what can happen. Then they showed us and talked to us about what can happen and statistics of the drug. They then told us about yo ur daughter. At first I was just watching the pictures without intention untill you got on stage and started to talk to us. you told us all about her addicton and what she went through. When it came to the very last picture that you ever saw of your daugh ter, i just couldn't help it. I started to cry. I thought about what I learned and your story all day so when i got home i got on to your website. I hope you and your family are doing ok now.
Shannon K <Dublemintbsb03@aol.com>
Middletown DE, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:21:24 (EST)
Mrs. Allen,
Shannon K <Dublemintbsb03@aol.com>
Middletown DE, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:17:17 (EST)
Mrs. Allen,
Shannon K <Dublemintbsb03@aol.com>
Middletown DE, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:17:16 (EST)
Mrs. Allen,
Shannon K <Dublemintbsb03@aol.com>
Middletown DE, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:17:15 (EST)
I heard you speak at my school last year, at Padua Academy. Your daughter went there. I'm really sorry to hear about her death. You will never know how much you speaking at schools has helped kids like me. I never thought of herion as something my frie nds or even anyone I know would do. But when I heard that she went to Padua for a while, it really hit me hard, to know that stuff like this does happen to people that I know. One of my best friends (Dave) has started using heroin, and I'm scared for hi s life. He recently started. He was in rehab, and the day he got out, he came down my house, and a few of us went to the movies. He was going through withdraw so bad. He was having convulsions, and wanting heroin, he was crying with pain. We work toget her, and we went down to our work. He didn't want us to tell anyone. But, my other best friend (Pam) told this girl we work with (marie). She's friend's with Dave too, and started crying hysterically. I didn't really think that Dave was in any danger, but Marie said "I can't deal with going to a funeral right now." That really made me think, and get worried. All i wanted to do was cry. I couldn't. I don't like to cry in front of other people, because when people cry infront of me, I don't know what to do, and I feel horrible, and I don't want anyone to feel that way if I cry. Your story helped me to realize that I need to get him help. I need to tell his mother. This is serious, he could die. I don't know what I'd do without him. You've just changed his l ife forever, and mine, and my friends, and his family. It's going to be a long and hard struggle, but I'm ready to do whatever it takes to help him get though this, and get him off his addiction. Thank You for everything.
Michelle <Nickii180@aol.com>
Hockessin, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 16:16:57 (EST)
Today (February 12, 2001) at school I saw a presentation you made about your daughter Erin. Here I am sitting in the auditorium looking at all these pictures of people on heroin and how they destroyed their lives. Here I was thinking that its no big de al people die every day. Then when the police officer handed you that microphone and you started your presentation I knew that this stuff does really happen in life and it can effect everyone using it or not. The saddest part about the whole presentation is that Erin tried so hard to stop using herion then all of the sudden you get a call telling you that your daughter is dead from a herion overdose. You didn't get to say good bye, you didn't get to hold her, or see her. All you got was one last picture of her dead because of herion. I think what your doing is great. By going to schools and telling your story about your daughter and h er heroin addiction. And one thing i totally respect about you is that you have the courage to go up their and bring back all those memories. Your presentation changed me in ways I could not beleive. I am 13 and thats when alot of people get hooked on her oin. But your presentation has really touched me. So not only will I never use heroin but any other drug because they are all deadly in some manner. Thank you again and maybe if you have the time e-mail me back because I would love to hear from you. Julie <HelloKitty60000@aol.com>
Middletown , DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 14:49:43 (EST)
Mrs.Allen.. Today you attended my school and did a presentation to my school... I can't tell you how emotional i got when i heard and saw every step of Erin's Story.. I'm sorry about your loss of Erin.. Although i may not EVER EVER think of using it be cause of what came to my attention in the presentation today,, I know your out there changing the lives of people who may want to use it.. I think it's great i ahd a chance to listen to Erin's story because it change dmy life deeply.. I'm only 12 but this Presentation i was given changed my view of life forever.. Erin will forever stay in my heart and i will always remember her story.. Thank you for tkaing the itme to change my life as long as the others around me.The presentation was great and i think yo u did a great job.Thanks again.. God bless for all the people's lives you've opened up to to tell Erin's story it's truely remarkable and it made me very emotional!
Melanie <lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 14:40:31 (EST)
Hello, today (2/12/01) you came to our school as part of a presentation the NCCPD was putting on for us. The whole presentation was very "real" but it never really hit me as hard, until I saw and heard the movie about your daughter, Erin. I'm very very sorry about your loss. :( I'm only 13, but watching that really changed my life. I think it's wonderful of what you do, and alothough I'll never think about using it, i'm sure you definitly opened the eyes of people who may. Again, i'm very sorry about y our daughter- but your presentation is WONDERFUL, and although it made me and my friends cry, it really makes me look at life different. Thank you..
Alexis
Middletown, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 14:22:20 (EST)
I just finished watching a program on heroin and they mentioned erin and showed a short interview with you. I knew Erin a little and know first hand some of the things she was going through. I've been clean for a year now and the mental battles continu e. I keep thinking of the last time I saw her. I was working in a 7-11 and she came in with my freind John. They had just come back from a meeting and she looked so much better than the last time I saw her previous to that. She was all smiles and seemed g enuinely happy. I feel a strange sense of obligation to tell you that when I was first getting into it, she was hanging out at my house and she was obviously sick. I had some heroin and gave her some. I was not totally addicted (whatever that means) at th at point so sharing wasn't a problem. I just couldn't stand to see someone seem so uncomfortable. Both Erin and my freind John are gone now. I had my wake up call in San Fran. when I woke up to my roomate pounding on my chest and blowing down my throat. I had
JS <xylopsyche@aol.com>
Newark, De USA - Monday, February 12, 2001 at 11:54:11 (EST)
I'm really sorry for the loss of your daughter. I came across your website as i was looking for information in relation to addiction. I'm doing a project on underage drinking and drug use. I feel a great need to make young teenagers more aware of th e consequences and try to get them to make responsible decisions.
Tina O'Callaghan <f1mschumacher@yahoo.com>
Kerry, Ireland - Wednesday, February 07, 2001 at 11:50:26 (EST)
I HAD THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING ERIN AS I USED TO WORK AT WOMEN'S PRISON. I CAN NOT BEGIN TO TELL YOU THE TURMOIL SHE WENT THROUGH NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE HABIT BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE HER FAMILY WAS SUFFERING. SHE WAS A LOVELY GIRL AND I'M SURE GOD HAD A SPE CIAL PLACE SET ASAIDE JUST FOR ERIN. THERESA, LEARN FROM HER...SHE LOVED YOU SOOOOO MUCH!
LINDA <Y2KESSY@AOL.COM>
NEW CASTLE, DE USA - Tuesday, February 06, 2001 at 13:06:22 (EST)
One of my closest friends just died of a heroin overdose. It's very very hard for me to deal with. I can't even imagine what you are feeling about your daughter's death, and I don't know what to say, but I think that it is wonderful that you are tell ing your story. I hope it helps you cope with it, I know it is helping others.
CR
MA USA - Thursday, February 01, 2001 at 20:59:11 (EST)
IM SORRY
SARAH <Sarah_ALCORN>
USA - Thursday, February 01, 2001 at 11:55:53 (EST)
dear mrs. allen i was just searching the web and came across your story. i am so sorry about your daughter. you are a great person for sharing your story with everyone . i personally know a few addicts and recovering addicts, and it's so hard on them becauce their famili es are ashamed of them. i think if everyone was as brave and sincere as you there wouldn't be so many addicts out there afraid to ask for help. keep up the good work.
barbara <bab12356@aol.com>
ma USA - Wednesday, January 31, 2001 at 18:52:01 (EST)
I came across your website by chance and I have been very moved by your story. The lives of your family and that of others seem so far removed from life here. I know no one who has even seen heroin let alone tried it.But no doubt this poison will soon find its way into our town.My heartfelt sympathy is extended to you and your family.
PETE BRADLEY <PETER.BRADLEY@BTCLICK.COM>
COALISLAND, N.IRELAND - Saturday, January 27, 2001 at 18:23:11 (EST)
I was born and spent the 1st six years of my life in Philadelphia, I come from a family of six brothers and sisters. My Father moved us to S.FL because he hated the city. My oldest sibling Phyllis moved back to Philly when she was a teenager to exscape the abuse of my Father and it was there that she met the man she would marry. Rocco was much older and she met him in the hopital, he was a heroin addict, this match would prove to be not the beginning of a life for her, but the end of the beginning of h er life. Rocco & Phyllis moved from Philly back to S. FL and in with us. All of us kids knew they were using..she was my Moms 1st born, she was my parents favorite..she had red hair. For 15 years I can not even discribe the hell my sisters life was like, Rocco is a manic depressive, high and lows..all hours of the night, Phyllis always needing money, evicted from every place they ever lived. She tried many times to quit, the methadone clinic. This place that offer's very sick people hope, in my opinion is also killing them they might as well be sticking them in their veins with their own needles. My big sister and oldest brother have both been going to the clinic off and on for 20 years, there has to be something done about it, they can't live with it or without it. Six or seven years ago, after being evicted from their appartment, after being in jail, writing bad checks, after almost 20 years of my parents coming to their rescue, they said they couldn't help them anymore. They had no where else to go and picked up and moved back to Philly. My big sister would be DEAD in six years, she died May 8th "2000" she died from heroin, methadone..Her name was Phyllis Jane Granato and she would have been 46 in July of 2000. Phyllis had been addicted to heroin since her teens when she tried it for the 1st time. It took 6 years & a place called Philadelphia for my sisters life to end, only now after very much research, we never knew about Philly's heroin problem, we only knew about Phyllis's problem (and Rocco's). Sh e died a horrible death, wait let me go back a couple of years, it was about 3 years ago Phyllis & Rocco just decided to get on a plane and come to Florida to get away & go cold turkey. My Mom had no idea what was going on. She met them at Ft. Lauderdale airport and they shot-up before leaving, in their minds for the final time. My poor Mother, what see saw was not her daughter, 2 junkies..stoned out of their mind, they locked them selves in the bedroom and screamed & hollered all night, phyically fightin g, threating to kill her (my sister) the next day was slightly better, my Mom took care of her like she was a baby, Phyllis was so sick, she was throwing up and had the runs at the same time, it almost killed my Mother to have to clean her up, she flashed back to when she was her pretty baby girl, putting diapers on her..it was hell and they were always thinking where could they get their hands on anything. Hindsight is very painful now, they went home after about a week and my Mom thought everything was fine, after all they with through hell, they wouldn't do that again!! We were always expecting "the call" we always said it was going to happen, well the call did come, and were we ready, hell no!! No please don't tell us what we always knew, don't tell m e me what I already know, don't tell me that she's dead, even though she's been dead all these years, Please don't tell me that we will see our Mother's eye's go dead too, not her baby, not her Phyllis (named after her). My sister worked as a waitress and also had another full time job, she walked the streets of Philadelphia at night.....Rocco got scared when Phyllis wouldn't get up in the morning, after all she supported their habits, we hate to think what she went through her final days, he pulled the b lanket off her, her legs & arms were black!!! she made the mistake they all junkies knew about, abcesses..dirty needles, she was rushed to the hopital and we got the call, the beginning of our nightmare was about to begin.... My Mom's side of the family called and said get your Mother on a plane, it's bad! My Mom was in complete shock, they already had Phyllis on a respirator and it didn't look good. We managed to get her on a flight 1st thing the next morning, all five us us put my Mom on that plane knowing what she would be seeing when she got there, she was already dead..they were keeping her on the machine, so my Mother wouldn't walk in and see her already taken off, my Mom had not seen Phyllis since she came to FL acouple of years ago, the last time was cleaning her up, holding her through the night, her crys begging her to make it stop..what 3 years can do to someone, they told my Mom she was gone, and they let her spend one hour alone with her..she looked at her legs, a nd saw two black legs, with abcessed holes you can put your fist in, she looked at her arms and saw the same thing, this did not just happen over night, she died a slow and painful death. When it was time, my Aunt Annie (Phyllis's favorite Aunt) held her feet, then her sister inlaw (Rocco's sister) held her head, my Mom just layed her head on her chest and they told her they loved her and they were going to miss her,my sister never had any children..they told her she's have a bunch in heaven and the machi nes were turned off. Her husband was not even there with her, I'm sure he could not face my Mother...she was to be cremated in (2) days, so my little sister (Shirley) and I flew to Philadelphia and had to go straight to the funeral parlor for the family s ervice and to have time with her before everybody else got there. Rocco was standing out side and the first person I saw, he was flying high..and walked right past him and opened the front doors and there she was, my Mom was sitting right next to her coff in..I have never seen such sadness as I did when I looked at my Mother, I stood over Phyllis and squeezed her arm, it was soft & mushy..and I had a crinklely feeling under my hands, they wrapped her body in plastic, she was diseased, the funeral director could not shut the lid quick enough on her!! she looked not like the sister I knew..what in gods name had she gone through in those final days, she knew about her arms and legs, she knew she was dieing..I believe she wanted to. Her husband could have pick ed up the phone and told someone she was killing herself..(Rocco told us she disapeared the night before and when she returned 5 hours later he demanded to know where she was, she said she rode the bus and nodded and missed her stop, she woke up at the ai rport..in my mind I know she knew she was dieing and some where in her head, she wanted my Mom..she road the streets of Philadelphia one last time..images..good times, saying goodbye to what became her living hell..instead she turned around and went back home.. his side of the family was very upset be would not be going to their home after the service, we just wanted to be by ourselves, and alone with my Mom. I asked Rocco if my Mom could have her ashes, and he said yes, they would be ready by noon the ne xt day, I thanked him and left. We just wanted to get the hell out of Philly, so we changed our flights to leave the next day at 4:00pm. We barely slept, the next morning we kept calling Rocco and got no answer, it was almost noon, what was he off some wh ere getting high?? I couldn't deal at this point with him anymore, my sister was dead and I did not have to deal with this man anymore, I called the funeral parlor and asked if they heard from him and Tim said no, Rocco thank god already told him about th e ashes were my Mom's, I asked him if she was ready and he said, give him 15 minutes. I was in a panic, that Rocco would beat me to her ashes, I told my uncle and sister we are going there now and fast!!!! When I walked in the front door and said please j ust give me my sister, he handed me her in a plain brown bag..god a plain brown bag> I took her and ran out the front door and told my uncle I could not hand her to my Mom like that, so we took her out and her ashes were in a plain little seal tight conta iner, and thats the way my Mom got her 1st born back..Phyllis always wanted to move back to Florida, always wanted to be with her Mother, time was running out..we needed to get to the airport and fast, before we left, Rocco's knocking at the door, saying he was told we already picked her up..we let him come in and I won't go into detail but my Mom and sister tore him a new asshole...and he left..for some reason I followed him, way behind so he couldn't see me, he started to walk down the street and was lo oking at appartments that had signs/for rent..I just stood there..like it wasn't real, she's dead and he's walking..life is going on for him...he turned around and across a block he locked eyes with me, he could feel someone watching him, he slowly walked back to me and said thankyou, you didn't need to do that and why had i followed him, I told him through tears I did not know why...I said Rocco look around you..people every where, a school yard filled w/kids across the street..now that I know, I can see drugs being sold right now, right in front of my eyes, damn it do something about it, do not let my sister die in vein!!!! Your next, please don't put your Mom through what my Mom is going through. Please you've been addicted to H for over 25 years!!!! I grabbed him and shook him and said, look around you, it's every where, your going to die!! And then I turned around and nev er looked back...as we left my aunts house..the city where we were born, the streets of Philadelphia..all the sad..all the good memories passed us by, like a dream..I felt like we kidnapped her, shouldn't we have done this when she was alive???? she's in a black carry on case, right next to me, flash back as kids, her sitting next to me, always mean, pinching and hitting me, Mom's favorite..she always got away with everything...but not this time. The streets of Philadelphia...blur's..past..us kids laughin g..smells of food..traffic..crowds..people every where>> The streets of Philadelphia pasting me by. When our plane landed and we carried her off the plane and went through the metal detectors..of course they wanted to see what was in the black bag, I almo st laughed..Phyllis couldn't get away with ANYTHING! My Mom showed the paperwork and the women held her hand and told her she was very sorry...When we pulled up to my Moms house and the rest of my brother and sisters and neices and nefhews came out, we he ld each other and said Phyllis "your finally home". IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO HELP YOUR LOVE ONE, IT'S ONLY TOO LATE WHEN THEY QUIT BREATHING!!! I still may lose a brother to heroin, I have alot of work ahead of me...please feel free to email me PS...my name is Charlotte email address: cmagestro@aol.com may Phyllis finally rest in peace-amen miss you Phyllis-I love you!
Charlotte Magestro <cmagestro@aol.com>
Hollywood, FL USA - Friday, January 26, 2001 at 16:45:28 (EST)
Dear Ms. Allen, Thank you for having the courage to share your tragic story. My youngest brother, Joshua, committed suicide on July 30, 2000 after a two-year long struggle with heroin. He also kept a diary, and it contained entries similar to your d aughter's. Josh expressed that he felt great remorse for putting our family through this ordeal. He then walked into my parent's backyard and hung himself from a tree. He was 19. My other brother, Nick, did heroin with Josh, and even after Josh's deat h, Nick still did heroin, and even overdosed. My family has gone through what much of the visitors here have gone through: the disbelief, the quick education about the drug, the lies and stealing, the pain of seeing your baby become underweight and sick from addiction. My brothers lived on the streets, - we tried "tough love," -- anything that was suggested. But heroin stole Josh from us, it stole his good, gentle personality, it stole his mind. All he could do was try to find more money, and a way t o get to Philly. I would not be surprised if my brother and your daugher had been in the same places in Kensington. We now, at great expense, have my brother Nick in a rehab in CT, but it is still a constant struggle. Heroin has torn our family apart. Nobody deserves to go through what the addicts or their families go through. The heroin epidemic is still largely ignored by our government; which insists on repeatedly putting out "statistics" that drug use is down in this country. Josh had FIVE clas smates die as a result of heroin use, in an affluent county in NJ (Hunterdon County). I beg your prayers for Nick in that this time the rehab will stick. The battle with heroin continues long after detox and rehab: JOSH WAS CLEAN WHEN HE DIED. The cra vings, the loss of self-respect, the indignities he suffered at the hands of the police, dealers, other addicts, and the uneducated public only contributed to his feelings of low self-worth. He was a beautiful, gentle kid who never hurt anyone. He was n ot a worthless "addict" that people treated him as. He was a child with a problem that was beyond his control, like most of the children who unwittingly become addicted to this drug. Ms. Allen, your quest to get the word out about your daughter's untime ly death has my utmost admiration. I wish you peace. Love, Noelle Frangipane, big sister of Joshua, 5/8/81-7/30/00
Noelle <noellebudd@yahoo.com>
Jackson, NJ USA - Friday, January 26, 2001 at 12:58:18 (EST)
I cannot hear "Wish You Were Here" without thinking of your story and becoming scared and sad. I listened to you talk about Erin almost 2 years ago - and I am still deeply touched by your heartbreaking experience. My thoughts will be with you for life . Thank you so much for sharing Erin's story.
Michele <lons65@aol.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Friday, January 26, 2001 at 03:11:54 (EST)
I'm so sorry to hear of such a tragic story! I'm 17, and although I have never tried drugs, I have lost friends who got so deeply into them that our friendship deteriorated. I can't imagine how you, as the parent and friend of Erin, must have felt up on losing her. I am currently a Junior in highschool and was wondering if I could get your permission to write a little about Erin's story in an article on Teen Drug abuse I am writing for my highschool newspaper. I'm hoping a story so heartfelt and sad might deter the kids at my school from experimenting with drugs. I didn't know how else to reach you, so if you check this, please e-mail me. I know it's not much to offer- but if your daughters death helps just one adolecsent stay drug-free, at least then, it will not be completly in vain. All my regrets to your family.
Amelia Hileman <jmhkikko@aol.com>
Tucson, Az USA - Thursday, January 25, 2001 at 22:16:39 (EST)
i am extreemley sorry to hear about erin. I am going through a simmalir story my self. My 22 year old boyfriend has been to right turn a rehab center. when he came home he was doing great. we thought we had kicked the addiction. He put on weight and got a job. Over the last four months thing began to deterioate. He lost his job and never bothered to find a nother. He has also lost a tremendous ammount of weight. Is sad to say but he look like a walking skeleton. He has pawned anything of value. L ast night I confronted him about this after he was goen for 4 hours with my car. of corse he lied to me about what happened. but when I asked where his cd player was he broke down. He told me the called a place called parters in recovery and is going tue sday for an evaluation. He is going to do this for himself and no one elce because that is the only way it will work.
beth rhodes <bethrhodes @hotmail.com>
hampstead, md USA - Thursday, January 25, 2001 at 10:07:04 (EST)
MRS ALLEN LOOSING A CHILD HAS TO BE THE MOST DIFFICULT THING TO EVER DEAL WITH BUT WATCHING THEM DO IT IS EVEN WORSE.I TO AM WATCHING THIS WITH MY HUSBAND,MY HUSBAND IS 32 WE HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. HE STARTED USEING ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO I FEEL STUCK S CARED AND HOPELESS I JUST HOPE TO GOD MY CHILDREN DONT START FEELING DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THERE FATHERS HERION ADDICTION, BUT UNFORTUNATLY MY OLDEST SON IS NOW 15 HE IS STARTING TO SHOW SOME SORT OF DEPRESSION,SO I TOOK HIM TO THE KENNEDY KREIGER INST.YES TERDAY FOR EVALUATION BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT STARTS WITH SOME SORT OF DEPRESSION.BUT IN THIS CASE I FEEL LIKE IT STEMS FROM MY HUSBANDS DRUG ABUSE. EVEN IF I LEAVE WHICH IM NOT FINACIALLY READY WITH A 6YR AND 3YR OLD RIGHT NOW,I FEEL ALL MY CHILDREN WILL EVENTUALLY NEED THERAPY FOR ALL OF THE DISUNCTION THAT COMES WITH ADDICTION,THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR GIVING ALL OF US THIS SITE. I FEEL SAD FOR YOUR BROKEN HEART, HOPE WE ALL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO GO ON
LISA <LISALISA111564@AOL.COM>
BALTIMORE, MD USA - Thursday, January 25, 2001 at 03:04:37 (EST)
PATRICA I READ YOUR LETTER,AND I CAN RELATE, MY HUSBAND IS ON HERION ITS A AWFUL THING TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH I TRYED ALMOST EVERYTHING I HAVE 3 CHILDREN SUFFERING BECAUSE OF IT, YOU CAN GIVE APUSH TOWARDS HELP BUT THEY HAVE TO WANT IT.I SENT YOU A E MA IL HOPE YOU GOT IT IT HAS SOME IMPORTANT INFO.IM RIGHT WITH YA. LISA
LISA <LISALISA111564@AOL.COM>
BALTIMORE, MD USA - Thursday, January 25, 2001 at 01:34:32 (EST)
I read thru the pages and it brought tears to my eyes.When is this night mare going to end,how many more children have to die? I am a mother of a daughter 24 who is addicted to herion and gave birth to a son addicted and has Hepitis c. I have been ever ywhere for help and i get the same old answer no funding we are really sorry. I am angry that unless it hits home know one cares! I love my daughter with all my heart and i pray everynight i dont get the phone saying she is dead. I need to help her while there is a chance left to do it.
Patricia Miller <jaypat@acsworld.net>
Allensville, Pa. USA - Monday, January 22, 2001 at 13:15:06 (EST)
I can't begin to explain to you how I felt while reading not only Erin's story, but her Diary entry. It reminded me so much of me. Not me now, but me about 10 months ago. I started smoking weed when I was 15, which seems to be the reoccurring age, and by the time I was 18 I had tried pretty much every drug out there trying to fill that void. That void that even now I am not sure how to completely fill. When I was 18 I tried heroin for the first, and not the last, time. I was sucked into it's addictive tendencies for the next 5 years of my life. Those five years, in most ways, seem so much like a blur. I kept a diary throughout those years and I recorded pretty much everything that happened to me. Now that I have been clean for a while, I opened them up the other day and began reading. I read things that I didn't even remember happening. At least not until I was reminded of them happening. That just goes to show how crazy and controlling heroin really is. What else could take 5 years out of your life wi thout you so much as flinching? Anyway, I have been clean for 10 months, 1 year this April. I still find it hard to keep my mind completely off of my past, but in some ways it is better that I remember the bad things that happened to me out there. I was living in hotels and on the stree ts. I was stealing from anyone and everyone. I even robbed some houses. And if you saw me, you wouldn't ever think that I would of been capable of such craziness. But it wasn't really me, it was the heroin. I am very grateful for my life today. I am honor ed to have this "second" chance at life. I have found that I am really good at dying, and it is only fair that I give myself the chance to see what living is all about. God Bless you and your Erin. I hope that none of us here on this condolence page have to experience such a tragedy. For those of you who are friends and family of heroin addicts or drug addicts/alcoholics, the best thing for you to do is to help yourself. Go to Alanon and educate yourself about this disease. It is much easier for you to help someone when you can truly understand what they are going through. I think that also, the more you try and push someone into recovery, the worse it will make it. Everyone has to do it for themselves, but it wouldn't hurt to help yourselves by attending some meetings or reading up o n addiction. Other than that, keep them in your prayers and listen for their cries of help. Sometimes the smallest of sounds can be the greatest of pleads! Take care.
Shiloh Michelle Frank <clumsybeetle@yahoo.com>
Dallas, TX` USA - Sunday, January 21, 2001 at 15:43:16 (EST)
I have no idea what you all must be going through, as i haven't been on drugs and don't know anyone who has. i'm doing a project on heroin and can't believe how horrible it actually is. my thoughts are with you and your family. she will never be forgot ten
Laura <Laura@howerd.freeserve.co.uk>
UK - Sunday, January 21, 2001 at 15:06:42 (EST)
To Mr. and Mrs. Allen: I am 18 and also a heroin addict and understand what your daughter was going through. It is so hard to stop once you have started but I am hopeful that someday this addiction that I suffer with will be under control. The pain and misery that Erin put you through I also am putting my parents/family/friends through. My story is much like your daughters from me going in and out of rehabs, jail, and doing "whatever" to get my daily fix. I remember being at Mountain Manor and meeting you back when I was 16. And you did a presentation about your daughter’s death. I am hopeful that I can overcome my addiction and thank you for your time and feelings and web site. God bless you and your daug hter and everybody who suffers from the disease of addiction. Pray for me!
Boysie Holtman <g3me@yahoo.com>
Baltimore, MD USA - Saturday, January 20, 2001 at 02:43:49 (EST)
Yesterday my Beautiful, 20 year old daughter told me that she is addicted to heroin! She has a little boy who just turned 1 in November that she loves with all her heart. She says that she has been using about everyday for the last 6 months! Last May 4th she was critically injured in an automobile accident. Luckily, she survived but lost her two front teeth and broke her back and had to have 4 pins put in so I know she has been in alot of pain. She was given pain medication the first 3 months . I've been thinking how strong and brave my little girl is (which is still true) and now I see how she has been dealing with the pain except that now she has to suffer the pain of addiction also. Yesterday was day 4...God, PLEASE let today be day 5...I am so sorry for your tremendous loss, thank you for sharing Erin's story. I am going to show my daughter your page and pray that she does not end up like Erin.
Vonda Marie <vonda45@hotmail.com>
Euless, Tx USA - Friday, January 19, 2001 at 14:29:15 (EST)
My son, 19 is currently in recovery. He spent 3 months in jail, 1 month in rehab and now is at a half-way house, paid for 90 days @ $5,130. My pain is your pain.... I hope my son makes a clean life for himself... I can't dream of putting my son in th e ground... you are not suppose to lay your children to rest... they are suppose to lay you to rest... if I could have the person that gave my son herion killed... I would.... without a second thought... when will this stop... these children are out futur e... it only takes one time to get hooked... so don't think you are any different... you have the same chemical makeup as everyone else... don't make that mistake!! I love my son... but all the love in the world didn't save him from this life... please l earn from others mistakes and don't leave your family and friends to bury you with these painful memories.... God bless!!
Jeanette <gnet_gnet@jahoopa.com>
Newtown Square, PA USA - Sunday, January 14, 2001 at 10:53:07 (EST)
When we share our pain it loses some of it's power over us. I am a recovering addict and by sharing your story with us it helps people to remember how insidious it truly is. Just for today I don't have to use and it's people like you who share their st ories that remind me I don't have to. For others who come across this site I want to tell you that I was a homeless heroin addict and very hopeless. Today I am clean, have a home and a pretty good life. We all don't have to die. recovery is possible. Than k you Mrs. Allen
Steve <dirtmover@sprynet.com>
San Ramon, Ca USA - Saturday, January 13, 2001 at 12:00:24 (EST)
I too just lost a son I loved more that anything in this world.We as a family tried everything we knew to help him.But on Jan 7th 2001 he died, he was 26 years old.I will never get over this lost. I have never been though so much pain and sorry in my life.I watched as my son slowly died.I do not understand why no matter what you do it just doesn't work.My son had other friends who died of the same thing but that didn't change any thing for him.We had talked about death and he use to tell me he was going to die before me which I knew deep down inside me was true. thank you for listening.
Pmach <jlach6373.com>
ma USA - Friday, January 12, 2001 at 19:55:50 (EST)
We lost a friend (Derek) to Heroin on Sunday 01/07/01, he was only 31. His ashes were spread in the ocean today. It was not really a surprise to any of us, but still very sad. A similar story in that he had a family that loved him and friends that c ared, but none of that was enough. Sometimes it seems that no matter what you do or say nothing changes. The see the danger that they are in but can not help themselves. Thank you for the strength to share Erin's story with the world. I truly believe you will change and SAVE lives with your actions. God bless all those who are fighting this terrible disease.
Liz
San Diego, CA USA - Friday, January 12, 2001 at 18:35:09 (EST)
I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT EVERYONE'S EXPIERIENCE WITH HERION AND DEATHS FROM HERION. IT IS A SICK WORLD TO BE LIVING IN ON HERION. ALL THE JUNKIES OUT THERE MAKE ME SICK AND YEAH THEY ALL WANT HELP BUT THEY HAVE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. I HAVE A COUSIN WH O WILL BE 20 TOMORROW AND SHE IS THE CLOSEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN TO BE WALKING DEAD. IT GET SO SICK TO LOOK AT HER AND KNOW THAT SHE IS DOING THIS ALL TO HER SELF JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET HIGH. I DONT KNOW IF SHE WILL EVER STOP ( I DONT THINK SH E WILL) BUT SHE HAS BEEN TO REHAB I DONT KNOW HOW MANY TIMES AND WHEN SHE GETS OUT SHE GOES AND DOES IT THAT SAME DAY. SHE HAS HAD TWO PELLETS PUT IN HER STOMACH AND SHE STILL DOES IT. OUR FAMILY HAS TRIED TO HELP HER AND I GUESS SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT IT . I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD BUT WE ALL HAVE JUST GIVING UP ON HER. JUST TO SEE HER SLEEP AT NIGHT DRIVES ME CRAZY SHE DOESNT SIT STILL. I DONT KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT BUT I HOPE ONE DAY SHE WILL STOP COMPLETELY. THANKS FOR LISTENING Kim.18 PS: LAURA THIS IS FOR YOU WHERE EVER YOU ARE I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE ONE DAY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STOP AND JUST STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR LIFE AND BE ABLE TO GO HOME AND LIFE WITH YOUR MOM AGAIN. SHE MISSES YOU AND LOVES YOU AND SHE ONLY WANTS WHAT IS THE BEST FOR YOU. SO PLEASE STRAIGHTEN OUT @%--
Kim <shedsaisy080@aol.com>
NJ USA - Friday, January 12, 2001 at 13:14:15 (EST)
Just wondering if there are any programs that you all know of to help the family deal with the loss of a loved one to heroin. we lost my brother in november. a heartbreaking time as many of you know. i don't know how anyone would survive without the g race of the Lord Jesus. how we thank Him for bringing us through thus far. thanks in advance for your help.
JLP <jlprim@aol.com>
VA USA - Wednesday, January 10, 2001 at 16:29:39 (EST)
Dear Mr.and Mrs. Allen, I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost my brother this last Labor Day to the same life robbing drug as you lost your beloved daughter to. I hope that this page you had the heartfelt guts to create, helps at least ONE person t o get help. Help is out there folks! GET IT BEFORE YOU ARE NOT.
W. Thomas McEachern <wtmceachern@aol.com>
Mashpee, MA USA - Tuesday, January 09, 2001 at 13:56:55 (EST)
I am sorry for your lost..I myself have just lost, my 19 year old cousin to this drug.(herion)on the 30th of december 2000. I still cant believe that he is gone. we were very close. I am told by his girlfriend that this was the first time that he ever tried the drug. I dont understand why kids are doing this to themselves. Most of the kids know what this drug can do, to them. MY cousins older brother died, two years before from the same thing.. these kids, that are dying have family and friends that love them dearly, for some reason they are not seeing it. I feel for your lost.. but you are not alone in your pain.. for I am in pain too.. For, I have questions, unanswered too.. again I am sorry
Laurie <Lauriebells24@aol.com>
phila, pa USA - Monday, January 08, 2001 at 20:31:24 (EST)
Reading Erin's story is like visiting something terribly familar. My daughter is 19 yrs old has OD three times that we know of. Just out of detox for the first time now and is at home. I haven't let anyone of her friends(?) call or visit. My wife or I are with her constantly. We search desperately for help. Insurance pays nothing but minimal amount. There is no state or federal program that anyone knows of and heroin is epidemic here in Forida. She says she wants to get clean and stay clean but she's a fraid of her own future. She's afraid that she'll keep going back to heroin and we are fearful that her story will end like Erin's. It is truly living a nightmare. But we know what you have gone through and you have our deepest sympathy. Heroin is such a tragedy. God bless,
Walt Kelly <Flhpi99@hotmail.com>
Casselberry, FL USA - Monday, January 08, 2001 at 14:53:54 (EST)
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Allen: I am so sorry about Erin's death. I am struggling and have been struggling with my husband's addiction to heroin on & off for 6 years. WE have a beautiful daughter, Gia who is 29 months old. She is also very sick. My husband also has mental problems ( severe manic depressive with psychosis - on alot of medication). Tonight I watched a special on MSNBC about the heroin epidemic and the 1st hour of this special was focused in Philly, about how cheap & pure it is. I pray everyday that my husband comes h ome alive, that he doesn't overdose, that he doesn't hurt anybody while driving. My heart is torn apart. I also pray that he can stay clean. But he can't. I wish I knew what to do. I have found myself planning his funeral. Who would watch the baby, pall barers, etc. Five years ago this week my husband overdosed, and 6 days later he was sent to jail. All I can think about that history will repeat itself. The news has been comparing this winter to the winter of '96 and also the eagles the last time they were at the playoffs was in '96. I am probably just nerved out. Too many coincidences. Well I wish I knew a cure for drug addiction, so that I could have my husband back and you your daughter. I will pray for your family. God Bless and thank you for sharing your story.
Jennifer F <goldeeloxs@hotmail.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Sunday, January 07, 2001 at 23:13:12 (EST)
i just want to say that i feel for your lost i too am recovering and through the grace of God have stayed clean i hope your site open's eye's to the danger's of addiction's my thought's are with you and your family may God bless you all .......Luis
Luis A Gonzalez <luis_g_01104@yahoo.com>
springfield, massachussett's USA - Saturday, January 06, 2001 at 13:19:29 (EST)
DEAR MRS. ALLEN,
lisa <PRINCEASE@aol.com>
bordentown, nj USA - Saturday, January 06, 2001 at 03:49:23 (EST)
I have a husband who is a drug addict but who desperately tries to stay off the stuff. I have a daughter and I pray every day that she won't be tempted to try anything. I feel deeply sorry for your loss and if your story can help just one person then Erin's death will not have been in vain. I wish you peace and love, Sara
sara <sara@belmin.com>
UK - Friday, January 05, 2001 at 09:13:06 (EST)
I ADMIRE YOUR HONESTY AND UNCONDITIONAL PRIDE IN WHO YOUR DAUGHTER WAS, AS MY OWN MOTHER, AS SUPPORTIVE AND AS PROUD AS SHE MAY BE OF ME NOW, IS TOO ASHAMED TO HAVE EVER HAVE CONFIDED TO ANYONE AS TO WHERE HER DAUGHTER HAS BEEN. ITS OVER NOW, IM ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES, IM STILL ALIVE. BELIEVE ME IVE LOST SOME OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE PEOPLE IVE KNOWN AND MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, MY SOULMATES. IM NOT HERE TO TELL MY HORRORSTORIES, LOOKS LIKE YOU GET ENOUGH OF THOSE, JUST THAT NOT ALL OF US DIE FROM THIS DISEASE . WITH ALOT OF HARD WORK, SOME OF US TURN OUR LIVES AROUND, AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER, SO TO SPEAK. IM SORRY YOUR DAUGHTER WASNT ONE OF US. I HOPE THAT YOU FIND PEACE IN THAT THROUGH YOUR DEDICATION YOU SURELY HAVE SAVED SOMEONE ELSES CHILD, IF NOT MANY IN HER NAME. ERIN WOULD HAVE LIKED THAT.
LEISA
USA - Friday, January 05, 2001 at 02:25:14 (EST)
I am a 38 year old woman who is now raising the son of my younger sister. I knew her life was a mess, and I knew I had to do with drugs. Today I found out it is heroin and began serching the web for information. I feel so devistated. I had hoped th at one day "Lisa" would get her life together and her son could once again live with his mother. But herion seems so terrifying that I feel lost. Pray for Jacob, he needs his mother.
sheila <davensheila@aol.com>
parker, co USA - Tuesday, January 02, 2001 at 15:43:46 (EST)
I am a registered nurse in Pennsylvania, and found your site trying to find information on Heroin to help a young friend of my son's, who had started to use heroin before Christmas. I want you to know that Erin's story, which I printed out for her, tou ched her so deeply, that she asked my son to take her to the emergency room, and she signed herself in for treatment at 3 a.m. that day. Her family thought if she could just get a job and stay busy, it would cure her addiction to heroin! The morning she a dmitted to her mother that she was using heroin, her mother drove her around to put in job applications! When asked where she applied, she couldn't remember! My son is also an addict in recovery, and even he could not believe the lack of knowledge about t his drug. He said from her first hit, she fell in love with heroin. I tried to explain to her mother how dangerous it was, but she was in total denial or total ignorance. Your web site is the greatest gift and legacy of your precious child. We are burying our children because of this drug, and in story after story, they are truely the kids next door. They were loved and cared for and cherished just like normal families lov e their children, until drugs entered their family's life. The nurturing then becomes fear, constant anxiety and depression, blaming yourself for some lack in your parenting skills that caused your child to turn to drug use. Please be assured that the par ents I deal with are 90% caring, loving, wonderful people, who happen to have a child with the disease of addiction. If the child was dying of cancer, they would have people tripping over themselves to help and support them. The parents of addicts are mad e to feel like they have caused the addiction and are at fault for the continuence of an active addiction. This disease is no different than a cancer, but the stigma continues to alienate families from their community support systems. We had friends befor e my son's first arrest, that were our so called "friends" for years, but as soon as it became public knowledge that he used drugs, we never heard from any of them. He did the crime, and he was doing the time, but only a handful of people were true friend s, who loved us and supported us through two very difficult years. He was paroled from a state prison, and had almost two years clean, then relapsed for three days. He has learned enough about recovery to catch himself and get back into his program again , for which I am grateful. I work with addicted teens and I hear the same sad story, over & over. Don't ever give up hope, as we see daily success stories, and know that recovery does work, it is going to take people like you to tell their stories. This is such a epidemic, that we as a society can't just keep putting bandaids on the problem, and look the other way. Its always someone else's kids, until it's your own. Thank you for sharing your pain with the rest of us, and know that for today, you h ave saved one 17 year olds life by reading Erin's story. I have just made copies to set out at our NA meetings for the kids to pick up and read. We started a New Years Eve tradition of having a drug and alcohol free party at our outreach center for recove ring addicts, last year we had 20 people, this year we had fifty teens and young adults drop in for food, fun and fellowship. It cost my husband and I over $200.00 for the food, and I cooked all day, but the rewards of seeing young people drug free on a v ery difficult night for addicts was the best money we ever spent. The NA members had a 10 p.m. meeting, and the gratitude for having a "safe place" to go was overwhelming. Any of you reading this, please try to do something where you live. Your effort wil l be rewarded ten fold. God Bless you all, and remember, it only takes one human to reach out to another to start the chain reaction.
Beverly Miklaucic <Beverly@spectrumedical.com>
Zelienople, PA USA - Tuesday, January 02, 2001 at 15:39:30 (EST)
I HAVE BEEN FUCKING AROUND WITH THESE FRICKIN OPIATES SINCE I WAS 15 AND IM 22 NOW I,VE SPENT 2 YEARS IN JAIL FOR STEALING TO OBTAIN MY PILLS BECAUSE I CANT EVEN FIND HERION IN THIS LITTLE TOWN OF UPPER MICHIGAN ANY WAYS IM SO SICK OF IT AND ITS TIME T O MOVE ON OR DIE IN PIECE GOD HELP US ALL AND PLEASE COME SOON.
DAMIEN RACINE <XDAMNZCRASHX@AOL.COM>
MARQUETTE, MI USA - Monday, January 01, 2001 at 16:25:47 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, i first would like to wish you and everyone who reads this a happy and healthy holiday and new year, I have talked to you before, about my friend Jason who died 8 months ago of a heroin overdose,(you gave me the name Mr. Penglase to talk to because i wanted to help other kids that were on drugs, and he was trying to start a program as well) well now i have another problem....his brother has now started doing drugs and it went fast he started with weed, then went to other things and ended up doing coke. i just dont understand how he could do that seeing as he just lost his brother to it. it hurts so much to have to go threw this all over again and it hasnt even been a year yet, he decided he wanted help so he went into a rehab on december 13 th...jasons birthday, and he just got out the 26th...i dont think it was enough time and im worried hes going to start back up again, so i really need your help im at a loss of what to do im so worn out phisicaly and emotinaly..im only 16 i dont know why god picked me to go threw all this but i cant handle it any more. its to much and so stressful im at a loss of what to do, i pray for him all the time but im so scared please god awnser my prayer! im sorry i just didnt know who else i could turn to, i hop e you have a wonderful day and to everyone else as well
Melanie <Melie7284@aol.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Saturday, December 30, 2000 at 12:17:08 (EST)
WELL, HELLO AGAIN MARIE! ITS RACIN'JASON® AGAIN. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? IM DOING DECENT, STILL FIGHTING THIS DREADED DISEASE! I FIND THAT BY NOT GOING NEAR ANY ADDICTS AT ALL I DO A LITTLE BIT BETTER! LIKE NA MEETINGS AND REHABS JUST MAKE ME WANT TO USE EVEN MORE- I KNOW THAT SOUNDS REALLY BAD BUT ITS UNFORTUNATLY TRUE FOR ME ANYWAY! LAST TIME I SPOKE TO YOU I WAS JUST OUT OF THE DRUG TREATMENT IN JAIL FOR THE 3 MONTH STAY. I HAVENT OVERDOSED BUT I HAVENT STAYED TOTALLY CLEAN EITHER,HOWEVER I HAVENT REALLY CAUGHT A HABBIT AS I CATCH MYSELF USING AND WITHIN 2 DAYS I STOP IT! IF I GO 3 DAYS OR MORE I CANT STOP! THANK GOD I HAVENT GOTTEN BACK TO WHERE I USED TO BE. I HAVE GOTTEN BACK ON THE BUPRUNEX AND IT HELPS MY CRAVINGS 20 FOLD!!! DONT GET ME WRONG, I STILL HAVE CRAVINGS, BUT IM SOO CONTENT WITH THE EFFECTS OF THE BUPRUNEX THAT I DONT PICK UP THE DOPE AS I KNOW IF I DO THE BUPRUNEX WONT WORK AS WELL AND ILL BE DOPESICK ONCE AGAIN AND I WONT DO THAT ANYMORE! I PROBABLY USED ABOUT 25 TIMES SINCE I LAS T TALKED TO YA BUT THAT IS A BIG IMPROVMENT( AND WAS BEFORE I GOT BACK ON THE BUPRUNEX)I STOLE MY MOMS ARMANI STATUES AND PAWNED THEM(AND GOT THEM BACK THOUGH)I ALSO WAS CAUGHT IN AUGUST FOR TRYING TO CASH A STOLEN CHECK WITH MY JENNIFER AND A GUY I MET I N JAIL MY LAST TIME THERE(MARK- A REALLY REALLY BAD PERSON WHO WANTS TO GET EVERYONE ON HEROIN- AND IS JUST NOW GETTING OUT OF JAIL FOR THE STOLEN CHECK THING I JUST MENTIONED) MY JEN AND I GOT OUT OF JAIL AND ONLY GOT 1 YEAR PROBATION WHICH IS LUCKY AS W E COULD HAVE GOTTEN 5 YEARS IN PRISON FOR THAT OFFENSE! I AM STILL LIVING AT HOME AND JEN IS JUST GETTING HER OWN APPARTMENT THAT I WILL MOVE INTO NEXT WEEK(SHE HAS BEEN BOUNCING BETWEEN HER GRANDMOTHERS AND EFFICENCYS AS HER FAMILY ISNT AS SUPPORTIVE OF HER AS MY FAMILY IS OF ME! THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT AND CONTINUE TO HELP HER STAY CLEAN ANY WAY I CAN, I LOVE HER MORE THAN EVER NOW AND WE WILL BE MARRIED SOON I HOPE! I HAVE ALSO LOST 2 MORE PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME AND THE COUNT IS UP TO 16 NOW! IRONICLY ONE OF THE DEATHS WAS MY SPONSER(WHO DIED- AL K.)'S TWIN IDENTICAL BROTHER AND HE DIED THE SAME EXACT WAY AS AL DID ( OVERDOSED-WENT TO HOSP AND GOT NARCAN AND WAS SICK FROM IT SO HE DID MORE SMACK WHEN HE GOT TO HIS CAR IN THE HOSPITALS PARKING LOT TO STOP THE SICK FEELING- AND DIED ON THE SPOT- (BUT THIS TIME I WASNT IN THE CAR WITH HIM) I ALSO MUST TELL YOU THAT THIS SITE STILL MAKES ME CRY LIKE A BABY WHEN I VISIT IT AND IT KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL BETTER AFTERWARDS. I FEEL LIKE I ALMOST KNEW ERIN AND KNOW YOU! IT HELPS ME SOO DAMN MUCH TO VISIT THIS SITE- IT MAKES ME STRONGER AND YOU ARE TO CREDIT FOR THAT MRS.ALLEN! THANK YOU SOO MUCH! I KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS DAILY SINCE MARCH OF THIS YEAR! AND I ALSO PRAY FOR ERIN EVERYDAY,I TALK TO HER,I TELL HER HOW MUCH SHE AND HER BEAUTIFUL MOTHER HELP ME DAILY!I WISHED HER A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND EA STER AND HALLOWEEN AND NEW YEAR- A NEW YEAR THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME WILL FIND THIS SITE AND BE SAVED BECAUSE OF YOUR MESSAGE!MARIE, I CANT EXPRESS HOW MUCH YOU HAVE HELPED ME AND MY JENNIFER BUT WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THAT WE ARE STILL ALIVE AND DOING DECENT! I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS BEAUTIFUL SITE AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER WITH ME AND JEN!(AND ANYONE ELSE WHO GETS THE MESSAGE HERE!)ERIN DID NOT DIE IN VEIN! SHE IS STILL VERRY MUCH ALIVE IN SPIRIT IN ME AND IN YOU AND IN MANY OTHERS A ND IN THIS SITE! SHE IS HELPING SO MANY PEOPLE AND SHE IS WITH GOD IN HEAVEN HELPING OTHERS THERE TOO! GOD BLESS YOU ERIN AND MRS ALLEN, GOD BLESS ANYONE WHO COMES HERE AND IS TOUCHED,GOD BLESS MY PARENTS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME AND STILL ALWAYS BEING THER E FOR ME(AND KEEPING ME ALIVE),GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILY,AND MY JENNIFER,GOD BLESS THE POOR SOUL WHO DIES TONIGHT TO THIS DAMNED ADDICTION OF HEROIN. AND GOD BLESS THE IGNORANT WHO JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HELL THIS LIFE ON HEROIN REALLY IS,AND PLEASE GOD HE LP THEM UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS NOT FUNNY,NOR DOES THEIR MERE 2 YEARS OF HEROIN USE IS OVER YET,BUT IT CAN BE IF THEY GET SERIOUS, AS I HAVE BEEN ONLY USING FOR 10 YEARS AND SOME GO 30-40 EVEN 50 YEARS AND IT IS ONLY A PROLONGED SLOW DEATH WITH NO GOOD QU ALITYS OF LIFE! AND IT MAY TAKE A LONG TIME BUT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER IT WILL INDEED CATCH UP AND KILL,MAME,DESTROY AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL! I JUST PREY THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO GO AS LONG AS I DID TO GET SAVED AND ENJOY THIS OFTEN FORGRANTED LIFE THAT GOD AND OUR PARENTS HAVE SO GRACFULLY GIVEN US. WE NEED TO GET STRAIGHT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS AROUND US WITHOUT THE HELL THAT HEROIN AND OTHER DRUGS BRING INTO OUR LIVES! GOD BLESS YOU MARIA AND MERRY CHRISTMASS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! THANK YOU AGA IN FOR SAVING MY LIFE AND JENS TOO TONIGHT! LOVE ALWAYS......................RACIN'JASON® P.S. ANYONE WHO NEEDS TO TALK OR NEEDS INFO OR HELP WITH THIS DREADED HEROIN AND ITS DEMEANING LIFESTYLE,....PLEASE DONT HESITATE TO MAIL ME AND ILL HELP YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN...YOU ARE LOVED,JUST BECAUSE YOU USE HEROIN DOSENT MEAN YOU ARE BAD OR NOT LOVED BY ME AND GOD!
RACIN' JASON® <raznjason@yahoo.com>
MARGATE, FLORIDA USA - Friday, December 29, 2000 at 21:37:55 (EST)
I cried when I read the story of Erin, because it brought back memories of my brother who passed away a year ago from his heroin addiction. He was the most wonderful human being, but for some reasons known only to him, he turned to heroin to help his o wn demons. I miss him so much and it kills me that I will never hear his voice again and my kids will never get to know their uncle. I ache not only for myself but for my parents who did all they could and in the end it still was not enough. Nothing in li fe can prepare you for the loss of a child and you don't know true pain until you face that kind of loss. Words are never comfort and the only thing that brings any sense of peace is God. My only solace is that my brother is without pain and is in the han ds of the Lord. My prayers are with you and your family.
Mina Mann <mina_mann@hotmail.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Thursday, December 28, 2000 at 14:54:26 (EST)
I too have lost a loved one to Methadone and I myself am a recovering addict. I started abusing any opiate you can think of at the age of 15. I am now 30 and have 2 weeks clean time (again) and it shocks me to read all the letters submitted. I don't fe el so alone. I am lucky to have a good job with a great company (Microsoft) and I have used the whole time. I have luckily been a productive function addict, but not always. I have had my homeless years, jail, methadone, and despair. I am dealing with rea lity now and it's scary as hell. I am sorry for your loss. It's a shame, but this is a sickness that people are just now willing to look at and treat it for what it is. I remember when I started using heroin/crack people thought I was just a partier. I wa s really masking my feelings of deep depression and only making things worse in the long run. Anyway not sure what I am trying to say but thank you for sharing and letting me know that there are others out there dealing with this....again, I am sorry for your loss. -r
r <rhobson@microsoft.com>
Redmond , WA USA - Thursday, December 28, 2000 at 13:32:56 (EST)
Merry Christmas Erin, God Bless, love Tim...
TIM TAFILICA <bladerunner104@hotmail.com>
thornhill, ON CANADA - Sunday, December 24, 2000 at 22:26:06 (EST)
I am very sorry about your daughter, and i just want to tell you that i have been addicited to heroin for a little over 7 months now, and just about 3 weeks ago i stopped and have been clean since. Just today i thought about using tomorrow when i got m y check, but something helped me find this story tonight, and i almost cried when i realized how innocent this relapse seemed to me, and what it could lead to. Thank you, i won't be using. Once again, sorry about you daughter.
Rob
Philadelphia, PA USA - Thursday, December 21, 2000 at 02:02:30 (EST)
I know this letter is not going to be of much comfort, because I too am a young, pretty, heroin addict. The heroin problem in this country has reached new heights in the past few years. More alarming is the growth within the age range of 15-25. I r emember during my 2nd yr of high school we were having an od a week. one kid even killed his own mother over drug money. This isnt in a low class run down neighborhood, this is in a wealthy upper middle class town. Where an average household income is 70- 100,000/yr. Look at me, im 21 have been using for years now, i never saw this happening to me, i was a gifted and talanted student, a yr ahead in school, work management jobs. I too stole to get dope. i stole to be normal(not to be sick i didnt een get high anymore) The line about heroin being the devil disuised as an angel...i have that very line in my poems. Im living your daughters life... just the other day i had to give my anual blood work at the clinic, it set meoff and i relapsed the needl e was just such a reminder... I know this will be a life long battle, i just hope it will be a long life allthough i admit sometimes i just want it all to end, especially when im sick. Id love to do what u do and talk to schools etc, and put a true face on addiction, us junkies arent 40 yr old, homeless, wastes, where 20 yr old, daughters, sons, cousins, neighbors, employees, students, and friends.
Kat <KStar479@aol.com>
LongIsland, NY USA - Wednesday, December 20, 2000 at 20:27:20 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am 18 years old and started smoking weed at the age of 14. I am fortunate enough to have been able to control myself and relized it was wrong that god put me here for another reason, and not to kill myself. I stumbled upon your web site and was awed by your story. i am truly heart broken and saden by your story. In the time i was using drugs i only went one step higher and smoked hydro, even in that time i can see what pain it brings to a mother, b/c of you. Your story has not only made me see the truth about what i was, but made me relize how my life not only matters to me, but to my family as well. thank you so much for giving yourself to the world... for letting them see the truth. May god bless you, and your daughter.
Desiree <Jawdroper18@aol.com>
Plano, Tx USA - Sunday, December 17, 2000 at 14:22:04 (EST)
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Allen: My heart goes out to both of you. I think I know what you are going through. We found out my daughter was addicted to heroin last year right before Christmas. She and her boyfriend tried to steal money from the place she worked. And to make a long story short, wound up in rehab through Christmas. When she came home, she attended some of the Naranon meetings, but continued to use until this past October. After stealing from me, she went out and bought and overdosed. Her girlfriend took her to the hospital where she was detoxed, put in a psyche ward where it was determined that she was bipolar. She then went to a rehab for 45 days. She came home today but will be leaving for a halfway house on the 18th. All this past year, I have expected that call, jumped every time I heard a police siren. Pray for her as I will pray for you.
JillCiccarelli <JillCica@aol.com>
PA USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2000 at 19:46:33 (EST)
Mr. & Mrs. Allen, I am one of the students attending the New Castle County Police Citizens Police Academy that you spoke to last week about Erin. We were all very moved about your experience. It hit really close to home for me because I have a daught er born around the time Erin was born. Fortunately for me she has never been involved in illegal drugs. I would like to do something to help make our government more aware of the problem and that there are very few rehabilitation facilities. I'm going to put together a form letter for the other students to send to their state representatives. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Thank you.
Bob Arthur <robert.arthur@citicorp.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2000 at 14:21:06 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Allen and Family,
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your daughter. On a personal level, I can relate to your loss having just lost my 17 year old cousin to an overdose of methadone & oxycodone. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
On a professional level, I'd like to thank you for bringing such awareness via the web. Please know that sharing your story has made a positive difference in the lives of many who view your site. I applaud your efforts.
God Bless,
Victoria Fisher
Executive Director, CPS
Victoria <cps17901@yahoo.com>
Pottsville, PA USA - Monday, December 11, 2000 at 19:17:41 (EST)
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Allen,,your site has reached around the world!! I'm the mother of a 23 year old heroin addict, who is now serving a 4 year prison sentence for just finding heroin in his uri. Allen,,your site has reached around the world!! I'm the mothe r of a 23 year old heroin addict, who is now serving a 4 year prison sentence for just finding heroin in his urine..Thats the law here,,users get 4 year in prison. There are no rehabs here,,they are pretty much ignorant here about the drug. While reading your families experience, my heart ached and tears wanted to fall, but I held them back. I have to be strong. I am the only one that cares about my son anymore. Everyone here thinks he's a loser. I know he is not. But I'm the only one around here that bot hers to educate myself about what is happening to my family and my son..I feel so helpless..I'm from Calif. but married a man from here when my son was 3 years old. I blame myself alot for what has happened to him, raising him over here and taking him out of his country, (USA)...I dont know what to do..I too wait for that dreaded phone call..(he can get it inside easily)..I'm a very confused mother really. I dont know anyone else thathat is in my situation except over this internet,,everyone is on the oth er side of the globe!! Going through what I have with my son has sent me into a deep depression. I have no one in the states to send him too if he were to get out early. I want to send him back there, but he'll be all alone. I have 5 other children I must take care of (from my present husband). My Mom is very sick, she lives in Oregan, but she cant take care of herself. I've been overseas for so long, most of my friends are americans married to men from here. People tend to come and go here. My Father wor ked for an oil company, thats how I came over here to begin with..I was young..didnt really understand the difference of the societies..its hard to explain. Dont know why I'm explaining,,just feel so alone..I have a poem that my son has written. I dont kn ow how to make a web site and would love to show it to you. I dont think it would fit on this. Do you think you could help me put it somewhere? I mean I want people to know that my son is here and is a precious person too..he's not a loser...he and I feel so alone over here...my heart is so tired... I dont want to lose hope...can you contact me so I can give you his poem? All of our children are so special...I Pray that God keeps you strong and your family..what you are doing is beautiful,, helping so man y other children,,I have read everyone of the letters tonight..there's a reason for everything, I guess,,now I'm lost for words...my heart is with you..sincerely, Linda
Linda <desertspring25@hotmail.com>
Dubai, - United Arab Emirates - Sunday, December 10, 2000 at 22:28:32 (EST)
Mrs. Allen-I know the pain and overwhelming grief you are feeling. I lost my son to a heroin overdose in June, 2000. It has been six months, but the pain and hurt is as fres as the day I got the call the day he was found. I know that Jesus is carryi ng me-I don't think I could make it otherwise. We can only put our hands in Jesus hand, but I don't think the pain or hurt will ever go away. I can relate to what you are feeling.
MARGIE LINES <mlines@saintclares.org>
sussasunna, NJ USA - Sunday, December 10, 2000 at 19:59:10 (EST)
There are no words to express the magnitude of the pain you feel. All of the words I think of to comfort you seem emppy and meaningless. I feel much pain and sorrow for you, but you and your family are not without hope. Jesus has cried with you every time you have cried. He loves you deeply. Trust in Him. I am sorry for your loss.
Tasha
ON CANADA - Friday, December 08, 2000 at 13:42:13 (EST)
I am not a parent and I cannot pretend to know how it feels to lose a child-especially to THE DEVIL...HEROIN. I am a recovering heroin addict and i know exactly what your Erin went through. It is the hardest thing a person will ever have to do-and that is the TRUTH. I come from a very wealthy and loving family and i never thought in a million years i would have to deal with an addiction to drugs. MY uncle who i love dearly recently died of natural causes but he was a heroin addict for almost his entire life. I watched what he did and what he went through all the years i was growing up so you might think i would never try such an evil thing. Well there came that dreadful day when i did. I embarrased and hurt my family and my friend more than someone cou ld ever imagine and i regret it. I am in methadone treatment right now and have been for about 1 year. I have not used since ive started the program and i know i will not start again when i am through with it. I swear i will not put the people i love thro ugh that awful experience ever again and that is a promise.One reason i decided that is because i read your story about Erin. Staying clean is the most difficult thing in the world for me... There is not a day that goes by that i don't think about it but thanks to Erins story i know in my heart my dream will come true. I am very sorry for your loss and I encourage you to continue what you are doing to help others face the long road ahead of them. You are a wonderful person and i can see that your daughter was also!!! Thank you very much- you dont know how much you have helped me and how much i appreciate it. I feel terrible that Erins death has helped me have the will power to remain clean but i do believe that everything happens for a reason. Whatever GOD's reason was it has surely helped many people to survive this un imaginable evil-HEROIN. Even if you have saved one person I believe you have made an amazing difference in the world!!!! Thank you again-Michelle
Michelle C.
smithfield, RI USA - Wednesday, December 06, 2000 at 14:04:37 (EST)
i can relate to what your daughter was going through as a heroin addict i delt with the contrary man on a daily basis selling my soul to the devil but i got clean and realized that god has a plan for me and loves me so i allow him to lead me cause my w ay was not working anymore my heart goes out to you and your family keep speding the message if you can save just one life then you have done a remarkable job
danielle d <stockley9>
hespiria, ca USA - Monday, December 04, 2000 at 00:19:53 (EST)
I am so very sorry for your loss. Yesterday (Nov. 30th) I would of never thought that I would ever know how it would feel to loose someone to Heroin until I got a phone call before I even got to work from my fiance. I called him back and he told me tha t his brother died last night.( He passed away actually about 15 min. before he got to the house to pick him up fom work.) I was devestated. I am not sure how to help his family through this. He was 26 and had only been out of prison 1 year after being in for 9 yrs and was on his way back in. He said he would rather die than go back to jail. He also said he wasn't afraid to die and he wasn't. I was wondering how you made it through your loss? I have been up for 30 hrs. waiting for him to come and walk thr ough our door and tell me that he was addicted to heroin and he needed help.I didn't know. If you have any suggestions please e-mail me. Thank-you
A.M <star276_@excite.com>
Bristol, CT USA - Friday, December 01, 2000 at 10:55:17 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name's Ted. I was a friend of Erin's during her struggles with herion although at the time I didn't know it. I used to drive a red pick-up fith firefighter tags all over it. I wanted to contact you long ago, but never found the courage to do it. Please write back whenever you get a chance as I'd love to h