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Hi Mrs.Allen you came to our school today, my name is Jessie Phillips i felt so bad that Erin didnt make her life stright i hope that the people who saw the viewing about Erin puts the right sence to everyone i have done drygs and i have seen what it does to you. It hurts your body and it hurts friends/family if i ever meet a herion addict ill try my best to help them and i hope the greif u have wasnt there beacuse ur probaly going through so much pain i wish n i think erin wished that she could of got hope earlier and maybe she'd be alive but madd love to ur family if you can write back ok (Middletown Middle school)
Jessi <wildlildevil2001@aol.com>
Townsend, De USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 16:49:40 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Hi my name is Amanda. Today at my school I listened to your speech. And I just want you to know it really touched my heart. I am sorry for the loss of your daughter, I feel terrible but my apperciation and care truly does go out to your family. Listening to your speech today made me realize what drugs can do to you. Through this pass week at school drugs have been in and out and now I hope my peers have realized what these things can do to you!.I hope that you keep going on strong and that God stays with you the whole way. God Bless you and your family!!
Amanda <pandycakes89@msn.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 16:03:04 (EDT)
You are such a brave person when you came to my school and told us what had happened to her i htought about the people i know that are on drugs and how i would feel if they died i feel so bad for you but now you no she is safe and has no more pain thank you n my heart gos out to you
Jessica <swtlilica73088@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 15:48:54 (EDT)
Hi. You have just visited my school with a really inspiring story. I agree that people are age need to hear that. I know of a lot of people in our school that do drugs and it scares me. I never thought about seeing them in a casket at thier age. They don't have to die at an early age, but they decide to. I just want to give you credit for standing up there today and telling us that story because I know that my mom would not be able to do that. You probably went through a lot of practice going from school to school telling your story , but it really got to me. I never would have thought about half of the statistics that there were and that Delaware is the #1 state for drugs. It really scares me. I am glad that you came and people may have been grossed out , but that's what gets to me. My Brother was addicted to heroin when was younger. I remeber seeing him with some of the symptoms and that's where this presentation hit me. Now that my mom got him into rehab he is the happiest person alive. I am grateful for that. Now I realize how special he is to me. Thanks for coming to our school and presenting that to us becasue I greatly appreaciate it! God Bless You!
Lisa
DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 15:26:57 (EDT)
Mrs,Allen i'm very sorry.last year(00-01) you came to my school(middletown middle school) and you had my friend and i cry all day this year(01-02) you had the same thing happen. We will remeber Erin and her family who try to save her.
heather walker <kat247@hotmail.com>
bear, del USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 13:14:16 (EDT)
I think that the presentation that you gave at our school was heart-warming. It really touched me. I am impressed that you can control your emotions so well. If it were me up there, I would have burst out in tears.
Mike Agnew <MikeAg02@hotmail.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 11:40:54 (EDT)
I'm sorry for your sorrow. My son also is a herion addict, he is 26 yrs old. I wish he was never born. herion addicts bring nothing but sorrow to your life as I sit here I am contempating my own death my son has wrecked up my life and tha of our family.Iwish he was dead most of the time. I think the ones who die are the lucky ones their struggle is over and they are finally at rest.
Becca
pa USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 22:02:32 (EDT)
Im sorry for all of this, and if you look at my screen name it has 420, yes I smoke weed sometimes, but not often! I go to Chichester High School, im in the 9th grade, and last year when I was in Chi MS, you came and talked to us...actually it touched me deeply, I am now 16 and I understand life wonderfuly...I see people coming to school high or drunk, and its very scary knowing people are not them-selves. And maybe what happend to Erin happend for a reason, atleast you know she is in a better place, other than earth whitch gets worse and worse each, more and more people are experimenting...and my sister just took some pills and she was scared but the next day she took them again, I don't have any feelings for my sister cause of alot of reasons..but at that time I was worried, and I live a terrible life...but I try to stay stronge, Im always seeing people try things cause of other people or pain...but its not the only way out, and its the only way to have fun, everyone has one life, think before you do...but where here for a reason and thats to make the future for the children better, and as long as there is people who still care thats all that matters now, just try your best on making people understand. Im glad ive made it as far asa I did, and I am hoping, nothing ever happens to me like, im smart and I do not take pills or crack...but I know an ofly alot about drugs, but im looking forward to seeing you next year when I am in 10th cause today the 10th and 12th graders went to your essembly, and I was happy when I heard that, I never forgot Erin, thats another reason why I don't like neeedles. But thanks for touching my heart and stuff...keep helping others. And I will raise my hand next year in the auditorium for you. And my name Kim M.
Kim <Bootaful420@aol.com>
Trainer, PA USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 21:04:34 (EDT)
Hi Mrs. Allen, My name is Maria and I am a graduate student studying computer Graphics design. I am really sorry about your daughter's death, and actually I am sorry about every single person that goes through drugs. I was really touched about your daughter's story, I made a small animation about her for a class project. And I would like to share it with you, actually send it to you, since is part of you, and your daughter. Please email me when you will read this. It's really amazing of what you are doing right now, because by talking about your daughter's story I believe you are going to help a lot of people that are in her position right now. Maria
Maria Bairaktari <mariabp39@hotmail.com>
Rochester, NY USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 20:13:25 (EDT)
i feel the grief you must feel, but it a hard habit to stop. from the first jab of the needle, i was hooked. just the thought of this brings a need for more. i am sure that it is the devil who pushes me to do it. i also deal the junk to make money for my habit, and when i am desparate, i prostitute myself or my girl friend, who is also hooked. pray for us to end this evil habit.
william <will211@yahoo.com>
greensburg, pa USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 12:04:52 (EDT)
This comment is for Rose. I think you are exactly right in saying that heroin addicts tend to be sensitive souls who truly love and want to help the people around them. my uncle was an addict and from what i've heard he was like that. I have cyclothymia, which is sort of like bipolar disorder, and I honestly believe I would be on heroin if it wasn't for Erin and my uncle. It wasn't a stupid question.
Rose <katiedid@mac.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Monday, May 06, 2002 at 17:40:27 (EDT)
I have written you before, and again I want to thank you for helping so many people, myself included. if it wasn't for you i believe that i may be on drugs by now. today I realized that i have a problem and need help. all i do is think about drugs. i have filled journal after journal just saying how badly i want them over and over. i can't explain it, but it's like i don't even want the drugs, it's like another person inside me. they say that this can be genetic, and I've noticed that for the past three or four generations in my dad's family, the oldest child gets the "addiction" gene. So far nothing's happened with me, the oldest, and i want to keep it that way. i think my mother knows that something is going on but I don't know how to voice it to her. I always remind myself of what happened to Erin, but it's not working anymore. Could someone write me back with advice? God bless you, Erin and Marie, and anyone who is going through what you went through.
Rose <katiedid@mac.com>
Doyestown, PA USA - Monday, May 06, 2002 at 17:36:54 (EDT)
you came to my school (delcastle) on may 1 and i am so sorry about your daughter erin. my brother has done drugs before thank god he doesnt do them any more he never did heroin but i know when he was on pot he was really mean and i was so scared of him know he is my best friend i am also sorry for the pethetic people who did laugh they are really stupid. i pray for you and your family every night. thank you for comeing to our school
jeremy thmpson <jtandchase911>
wilmington, de USA - Sunday, May 05, 2002 at 16:04:27 (EDT)
I found this story deeply moving and have the deepest sympathy for everyone who is going through any situation like this. May God be with everyone and remember to trust in him and he will take you through the hard times as well as the good because he loves you
ANONYMOUS
Glasgow, Scotland - Sunday, May 05, 2002 at 11:21:07 (EDT)
Erin~ you are in my mind and heart everyday. I love you and I miss you. I wonder if you can hear me talking to you evernight. I like to think you wait for me everynight to hear me say goodnight. Please continue to stay with me. I love you forever. You were the best big sister in the world. I love you
Erin's lil sis <bttrsctch1978@aol.com>
Willmington, DE USA - Sunday, May 05, 2002 at 00:43:53 (EDT)
The loss of your daughter is inconceivable. I don't understand how I can say that when I have put myself in some of the same positions as she. I am so sorry. Although I haven't done dope in a long time...as everyone here knows it's always calling you. I find that the effort the city is making presently helps a bit. Does anyone feel the same way? Yes we've seen it before. Operation Sunrise just had everyone scrambling a few blocks another way. If we can't see the way to save ourselves then maybe this can be helpful. Thank you Mrs. Allen for a place to vent. Good luck to annonymous who posted below. It's heartbreaking. Also this may be a dumb? question, but has anyone ever found that most heroin addicts were/are extra sensitive people with alot of emotion? Alot of times those kind of people always trying to save the world...everyone except themselves? What's up with that? * I've also found that alot of heroin addicts are bi-polar. I was never diagnosed as such, but certainly know I am.
Emma
Philly, USA - Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 18:17:56 (EDT)
I have read your story and send my seepest sympathy. I am also an addict in recovery. I have lost my boyfriend to the addiction. I have this last chance to stay clean it has been 2 yrs and your story just might have gave me just the inspiration to stay clean one more day. A day at a time they say and I do just that. thank you for the inspiration and my prayers go out to you and your family. May she rest in peace free now from the addiction in gods arms........Terri
Theresa <Terri8673@msn.com>
worcester, ma USA - Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 09:31:36 (EDT)
Iwas so touched by your story,I had to write you. I have a 33 year old daughter in Prison now. She is a hreoin addict. She did some terrible things not only to her faimly but most of all to herself. He Dad and I are raising her little son that is 7. I pray everyday of my life that I never have to face such heartache,but I have to say I am scared to death of the future. She is saying and doing all the right things now. The future is up to her and God. My Deepest Regards,A Mom in need of prayers
Brenda Mastrolia <Mastroliab@cs.com>
Harrisburg, Pa. USA - Saturday, May 04, 2002 at 00:05:45 (EDT)
I am batteling addiction and this story just might save my life.I have to stop fooling myself and get a handle on my life.thank you for your story.
anthony davis
port huron, mi USA - Friday, May 03, 2002 at 13:38:10 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I have wrote on this page before but i figure I would write again cause I have a major problem, well not onle am I a heroin addict but so is all my friends and my little brother. When he first found out I had shot up for the first time he was furious he told me I was discusting and if I did it again he would never talk to me again. Well eventually he stopped hounding me about it because come to find out he was no longer sniffing it he too is shooting up. he means the world to me and I love him more than life itself and I feel like what knid of example am I setting for him? He started doingg heroin before I did but I started banging it first and I feel like I did curiosity killed the cat with him. He was wondering why I was doing it. What was the big deal well now he knows and it's to late to turn back time. My parents think I should go to rehab I am supposed to go Monday morning at 9 am but I am not going. I know I should but I am gonna try to do it myself I haven't had anything today I feel alright but I know I will be feeling it tomorrow. I am just so scared to leave my little brother for a whole month I am scared I will come home and he will either be dead or a major junkie.(Worse then he already is)I don't want to tell my parents about him they already suspect it but god I don't want to snitch on him. I am really confused and don't know what to do!!!!!! But I know in my heart I can't leave him behind without me to watch over him!!!! I feel like a coward but I will talk to him tomorrow and try to talk to him........
anonymous
baltimore, md USA - Friday, May 03, 2002 at 00:07:57 (EDT)
you attended my school(delcastle) yesterday, i want you to know that you truly did reach some students, i know i cried through out the whole assembly. I also would like to apologize for the student who laughed when you were telling your daughters story, i hope you don't think that all of our students are that immature. i would also like to tell you that i admire your courage and strength. i could never tell and re-tell such a tragic story.
Shanna <cutelilshorti587>
new castle, de USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 19:14:45 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I had wrote back in March. I read these condolences everyday. Please continue to do what you are doing. You have touched so many people. If any more students from Delcastle read in here the ones that wrote in I admire you. Your right the person that laughed was really weak!! Maybe even fearful of what they have done. Stand strong and Ms.Ellen I think you are a very strong person. My son has been in rehab for heroin. I know that by me reading Erins story everyday and reading others opinions helps me to be stronger.God Bless you!
Sheri <KrAzEdOne58@aol.com>
IL USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 19:00:03 (EDT)
hi mrs.allen you came to myschool yesterday(delcastle) and im sorry that your daughter died and thank you for sharing your story because i think that it affected all of us and most of us cried because we could imagine all the pain you were going through when you had to stand in front of a bunch of strangers and tell your daughters story,and then have someone laugh while you were telling the story. and i hope your doing ok. ~ shanda ~
shanda .W. <satandacat@aol.com>
new castle, DE USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 17:14:26 (EDT)
Dear mrs. allen, i go to delcastle high school. i am very sorry for the lost of ur child. i pray for u and your family for the lost. i haven't gone through that emotion yet. i hope to never go through it. i am sorry for the way some people laugh.
christie <hotgirl20045@hotmail.com>
wilmington, de USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 14:19:31 (EDT)
Yesterday you came to our school *delcastle* and unfortunatly I wasnt here to view the assembly but I heard it was great. I also heard that a girl from our school laughed in the middle of it all and you walked out. I am very sorry about that and I hope you dont think everybody at delcastle is like that. All of my friends were crying and they promise they wont try it so youve changed theyre lives thanx
Brittany <babygrlbritt2000@aol.com>
DE USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 12:39:53 (EDT)
Im A student form Delcastle and u came to our school yesterday andyour storie really touched me...i never knew drugz could make a persons life..change for the worse...im very sorry to hear about your daughter...i've been praying for you...i went throught the same thing with my father and i know how much it can effect a person and even people around you.....thats why im drug free...even under peer-pressure...i stay that way i Appricaite..you coming to our school
Jessica <Lasttemptaion5@aol.com>
New CAstle, De USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 12:24:49 (EDT)
Hi Mrs.Allen. I am a student from Delcastle technical high. I went to the assembly yesterday and i was very touched and it brought tears to my eyes. Not only was i thinking about Erin throughout your story, i was thinking about a friend of mine who is going through what your daughter went through. we dont know how to help him at all and im scared for him. Im not very close to him but im still scared for him. I am also ashamed for the way a couple of our students had acted today. I know it was hard for you to go up there and tell your story and im sure it made it harder by them laughing. I would like to ask you to please accept my apology on behalf of those students who did laugh since they were to much of a coward to reveal themselves.Delcastle appreciates very much that you shared your story with us. I have heard your story before and was touched just as much the second time. I am very sorry for all that you have been through and i hope it only gets better from here on. You have impacted many lives and you should continue to....your doing a great thing here sharing this stroy. Please dont allow the students who laughed today make a bad impression of our school and i would like to ask you to come back next year to share your story and once again impact other lives. Thank you once again. : )
Michelle <mlf122@aol.com>
Middletown, De USA - Thursday, May 02, 2002 at 09:53:27 (EDT)
Thankyou for your committment to life is what ihave osay you dont or may realize that you have saved may of us.. i am from delcastle hs when u came in today i was touched and i hurt for the pain you have whent through ... i know u have heard this alot but i am sorry for the way that some of my peers acted today ! seeing you walking out made not only that person or people feel bad but it affected the rest of us we realized that even if it wasnt us laughing that we need to grow up. I know people that suffer and have died from drugs including heroin ... I know u have saved many people just please keep your message goin we need it i am so sorry as i said before and tahnk you!!
Lauren <babezcrazy8@netscape.net>
wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 21:38:49 (EDT)
i want to let you know how much you impacted me with you daughters story. when you came to my school today(delcastle) i figured it would just be another assembly that i could sleep through..but then i realized i couldnt. as soon as they started to show the pictures i was so horrified that people could do that to themselves..and that i know a few people who use that. i never thought it could be so bad until i heard your story. i dont cry often but what you said touched me heart and brought tears to my eyes. i dont know what its like to lose some one i love to drugs but i doubt i would be able to deal with it.i think your very strong to be able to tell the story over and over again and i hope that what you said sank into other people as much as it did me, and i hope you werent too offended by the immature person that laughed. im sorry on behalf of delcastle for that, and i want to thank you for coming today, you really changed my perspective on things.
sarah <aphrodite04567@aol.com>
newark, de USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 21:37:06 (EDT)
I know you herd this many times now, but i'm sorry for the immature students at my school (Delcastle). I know how you feel i lost several friends to drugs, it hurts when you can't stop them, i know. Acually i just lost a good friend 4 months ago, he overdosed on heroin with his girlfriend and she ran, she didn't get help just ran away, he died there alone. He was an addict since the age 14 and still would be if he were here, He died at 21. I am sorry that drugs took your daughters life, and i'm sorry for students at my school that laughed. I can tell you everytime I play that song by Pink Floyd i will remember the day you came and shared your story. Thank you so much for what you have done, i cried and i'll cry again when i hear that song and remember that day and think of how you are doing now. I hope the students who wrote to you show you were not all immature.
Amy <lilgurl3126@yahoo.com>
New Castle, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 20:38:08 (EDT)
I know i have written on this page befor but i would like to share a poem with everyone I have written about Heroin. You cant control what you do It's a habbit embeded in you You tried to escape the pain it brings Making all of your veins sing When you tried it you did'nt know Exactly what the future would hold And now that you know what the effects really are You sit there and wunder how you let it get this far You fight and you fight To beat this nasty sin But in ur heart you feel you'll never win Everything in your life has slowly disappeared You can feel the growing pain inside And it all statred onvr that one little sin That one thing you should have never done That one thing is heroin
Shannon Hufnal <www.xxoprincezoxx@aol.com>
Bear, De USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 20:13:25 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I go to Delcastle h.s. and when you spoke there today(may 1) there was a kid who laughed at what you had to say about your daughter. I just wanted to let you know how sorry i am about that laughter. I have heard you speak before when i went to Conrad M.S. amd i was deeply touched, as i was again this time. I was offered herion at a party that i attended last year, you helped save my life. I remembered what you had said about your daughter Erin telling you that she was addicted after the first try. Remembering that i turned it down. Given the path that i was on at the time i probably would have takin the herion without second thought if it weren't for remembering your speech. When you spoke at my school today, once again i was deeply touched and hurt very badly because of the laughter. I cant, and dont want, to imagine what i could've turned out like if it weren't for you. Thank you for making such a strong impact on my life and i hope you continue to speake for a long time so that you can help other people just like me again. Thank you very much, Kristina
Kristina <BbygrlK12@aol.com or Kcougars2002@aim.com>
newark, de USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 20:11:54 (EDT)
I cried today, and I'm not afraid to admit it. My cousin was at your daughters funeral, and I beleive she was a herion addict as well. I am very sorry about the laughter. Maybe they laugh because they don't know how painful it is, or maybe, they laugh because they're afraid of the truth. The rest of us at Delcastle aren't that immature, in fact, you've changed a lot of us. After seeing what herion does to people, many of us can't believe it's still on the streets. It's disgusting to see what people will do to each other.Thankyou, very much for today. It'll stay with me forever. Good luck for the future.
Lin <guitargoddesslin@aol.com>
NewCastle, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 19:29:52 (EDT)
Hello. I would like to thank you for comming to Delcastle today and talking to our very immature students about Herion and how it took a tragic toll on your daughter Erin's life. I would also like to apologize for the actions of the students at the assembly. They are very incosiderate of other peoples feeling and I would like to assure you that not everyone in Delcastle is like that. There is a person very close to me that I feel might be using Heroin and now, because of your impacting speech, I feel comfertable enough about approacing that person about their addiction. Once again I am very sorry about the actions of our students at Delcastle and I hope you accept my apology. Thank you
Shannon Hufnal <www.xxoprincezoxx@aol.com>
Bear, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 19:27:33 (EDT)
I am glad that you came to the school today (delcastle) and shed a new light on how hard life is for those addicted to heroin. for years i have thought that it was all for self desire and there was no consideration for others. today, i have learned that it isn't just to get high and feel euphoria but rather it is a need for the body, to an addict it is a chemical that is needed to perform simple tasks, that chemical is producing an insatiable thirst for more. its sick that it still exists and increases to grow as a market in this day and age. i hope the actions of others didn't make an impression on our school but rather how others can't cope with certian things around them in a mature manner. i try to think that the laughter was not out of disrespect to you but as a way of dealing with pain in a way so that he or she would not be looked down upon as weak towards thier peers. i hope the latter was the case. Thank You for the story i learned alot L.S.
luke <Longlivemusic522@netscape.net>
Yorklyn, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 19:04:59 (EDT)
hello, i would first off like to apologize for the way that the students in my school (delcastle) were acting today. Obviously they are not mature enough to handle such situations, i would also like to give my condolences for the loss of your daughter. My birth mother is a heroin addict and becuase of that i was adopted. I understand what you are goin through allthough i was not there to watch her go through everything. Once again i would like to apologize for the way that some of the ninth grade students of delcastle technical high school acted today. I agree w/ shannon. I also find it funny that i saw u in middle school to and we were much more mature then. Sincerely tricia
tricia <lilcutie4lyfe1@aol.com>
newcastle, del USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 17:56:54 (EDT)
Hi, i would like to thank you for comming out to our school and speaking to the people at my school <~~ Delcastle...and also i want to say sorry for the way some of the kids were acting..they do not respect our school..and probualy dont know how bad this drug is. I know it takes a lot of heart to get up in front of a lot of people and speak about the loss of one of your very own child!.I know you have been a good mom and were tuff threw trying to help Erin. i also think this is good that you can get in front of a lot of people and tell the story over and over. i know some people said they herd your story before from you going to all different schools but i never herd it before...this made me realize how serious this stuff can be! When you were speaking i know it was hard for you to speak about your loss but it was hard for me too your story brought tears to ma eyes because i know you tried to help Erin many of times. well take care and thank you again for taking time to talk to us about this drug!!
Jenna <lilhazeleyechic@aol.com>
Towsend, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 17:34:09 (EDT)
I am extreamly sorry to hear about the loss of erin. every time i hear this story it sends shivers down my spine. i get tears in my eyes and chills just thinking about it. about 2 years ago, my middle school went to st marks to listen to erins story...and now i'm reading about it. my very best friend lost a brother from a severe overdose. things like this shouldn't happen. you are such a wonderful mother to be there for erin the way you were. hopefully one day people will realize that drugs do nothing but harm leet alone, kill.
erin <singa342@AOL.COM>
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 15:58:02 (EDT)
I would like to apologize for that behavior at my school-delcastle and i'd like to say that girl does not represent our school im sorry for the pain she caused! and im happy when you come to my school and share erins story because people need to know the affect of their actions! it kinds of confuses me that in middle school you spoke with me last year and people were more respectful last year i'd like to say thank you for taking the time to visit!
shannon <angelbrat23872@yahoo.com>
wilmington, de USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 12:46:58 (EDT)
i am thankful for you coming to our school i sorry for your child class of 05 says hi and would like to say thankyou once agan lovw theresa barrett i am one of the girls thst gave you a hug
theresa barrett <reese2_4@hotmail.com>
wilmington, de USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 11:26:05 (EDT)
I am so sorry for the behavior of the student at delcastle. they do not represent what our school stands for.i am so embarrassed.I would like to apologize for their behavior.Again please accept my apology
Cyle.Manz <none>
middle town, DE USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 10:42:37 (EDT)
i feel so sorry about what happend to your daughter and i have much respect for you coming to schools and spreading the knowledge of why heroin is a nasty drug.
Pete Hrycak <Pete2005@aol.com>
Middletown, De USA - Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at 10:40:08 (EDT)
I lost my brother 2 years ago this past March due to a heroin overdose. Asphyxia...thats what they call it. His girlfriend left him to die on the floor of his apartment. Wasn't that SWEET? She was too busy cleaning up the apartment so that the police wouldn't find any drugs...my brother died. I am so very sorry for your loss. Does anybody know of a/an organization for families of heroin victims? Please contact me at my email, I so very much want to spread the word about this awful nitemare drug. My bothers name is Jaret, he would have celebrated his 29th birthday, 3 days before he celebrated his death day, March 28, 2000.
Stacey <my2keyboy@netscape.net>
stephens city, va USA - Monday, April 29, 2002 at 19:07:57 (EDT)
Im Sorry about Erin. Its so Sad. I was actually searching the internet for heroin overdoses because I think I did one. I am probably going to live but I Pray to God I stop soon. I have 2 dogs and people that mean so much to me too. I dont want to leave them. Anyway I pray to God I can do this. Your site helped me really think. Thank you very much.
B. <ca9ball@yahoo.com>
Thousand Oaks, CA USA - Monday, April 29, 2002 at 05:47:50 (EDT)
Your website is a wonderful tribute. Just wanted to add the death of my best friend was also treated by the authorities as a meaningless event. But we know better.
sylvie
USA - Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 07:37:07 (EDT)
Your website is a wonderful tribute. Just wanted to add the death of my best friend was also treated by the authorities as a meaningless event. But we know better.
sylvie
USA - Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 07:36:21 (EDT)
I am in the 7th grade at springer middle school and "Heroin Alert" came to my school and I was so sickened by what people do to feel the way they want to. I just wanted to say how sorry I feel about Erin and I noe how it feels to have someone in your family who does heroin and it makes you feel like your no one because that person dosent know what they are doin to you and their life.
Maria <Gurlblink182@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, April 26, 2002 at 22:22:50 (EDT)
i am very to hear of your loss of erin, i am not a user but recently lost my best friend just 2wks ago and coming to terms with her death my friend was 19 and only been a user for 3wks unknown to me i found out too late.my friend karen her name, moved with her boyf who was a user and from being a pleasent outgoing fantastic girl she made a big dicission a one that would change her life forever and she has paid badly for it by loosing her life. i do believe all heroin users are good people and have no intention of hurting anyone, they are doing it for the "feeling". the people i blame is the supliers how dare they risk so many valueable lives for their weeks earnings! my friends death came to me as a big shock and hurt very badly as karen couldnt come and talk to me about it and let me help it obviously got a hold on her pretty quickly as karen would of wanted out. as i know nothin about heroin i decided i would look on the internet to find out more about it and i came across your story of your daughter which i read and my heart goes out to you so much and all of your family you have been very brave and have coped well i have read other comments and it is making a great affect on the users lives and they are learning from it. i would like to thanku for doing all this in memory of your daughter and tell you i think it will make a great effect on others. here is something for you to read whenever u get low .. WHEN YOU WALK TO THE EDGE OF ALL THE LIGHT YOU HAVE LEFT, YOU WILL BELIEVE ONE OF TWO THINGS, 1) YOU WILL HAVE SOMETHING SOLID TO STAND UPON, 2)YOU WILL LEARN TO FLY. i do believe you will always be ok, time may heal but there is always the sadness and hurt that stays within, erin and my friend will live on in a better place away from the torment that i do believe. i just hope all you readers learn from this very very tragic girls life under the wing of H. it is a damn shame the best ones always have to go. my love to all of you, erins family friends, readers keep your head held high and learn from this i know i have , whatever happens say to your self you will always be ok, when i get down and to my lowest and cant pickup i just think this is not me i gotta b me again and when i pick up again i know i am always going to be ok love jessica
jessica marley <marleyjessica@aol.com>
durham, england - Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 19:07:41 (EDT)
I'm very sorry about your daughter and may she rest in peace. I was an addict but have kept myself clean for the last 3 years. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I tried to kill myself because I thought I would never be able to kick the habit. Every night I asked the lord to help me and if I was going to live this life to take me with him. After partying hard one night and coming home and looking at my 5 beautiful children, I feel to my knees and cried out to god like a little baby. I screamed and begged. He must of heard my prayers because thanks to him I've been clean for 3 years. In August it will be 4 years and I couldn't be happier. I am now attending UCF and will be attending Law school in 2 years. Once a junkie always a junkie? WRONG!! If I did it you all can too. God Bless
Gloria <preciouspr1005@aol.com>
Orlando, fl USA - Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 14:39:25 (EDT)
I read Erin's story tonite, it reminds me a little bit of myself... I too have a heroin addiction and I too know how it feels to be alone and think this devil has took over us. It's only been a year but in this short time I have lost everything including the only thing in this world that looks up to me which is my child. I've missed out on the last year of my precious babies life because I've been so sad and always turn to heroin to comfort me. I pray to god that the lord will help me thru this and help me be strong enough to fight this evil demond and get my innocent little boy back. I don't want to end up like erin I want help! I hope this doesn't take over my life the way it took over hers and I really send my love and condolences to your family and may Erin rest in peace!!!!!!
unknown <foxygrl1217@hotmail.com>
balto, md USA - Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 01:18:03 (EDT)
I am very sorry for your loss. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has been struggling with a heroin addiction for many years. Some of my friends and family members cannot grasp the reason of why I choose to stay with this man. The only simple thing I can say is I truly love HIM. I may hate his addiction and what has become of him but I still love the man. I have seen him on his knees crying to me for help because he could not stay clean. I remember the first time I witnessed him overdose. I was never so scared in my entire life. I had never witnessed anything like that before. The fear and helplessness I felt seemed to be unbearable. Funny how when time passes and feelings deepen that your soul can withstand more and more. After the overdose, he managed to stay off heroin for a few months. For some reason, it called him back. His addiction has brought him from a hardworking man who held down 3 jobs to support us to a man who sold drugs just to keep his habit up. I have tried to the best of my ability to understand the unbelievable draw to this one particular drug yet I cannot. I have prayed to God for the strength to understand it, for the strength to deal with whatever comes my way, and the strength to do the right thing. I just don't want to be playing "Wish You Were Here" at his funeral. I fear for his daughter who is only 15, that she may feel drawn to the same path as her father. She is not my child biologically, however I still care for her and worry about her well-being just the same. If there is anything I could do or say to assure she would never be tempted to follow that path, please someone tell me. As for my boyfriend, I continue to pray for him daily that he finds a better way to ease whatever pain Heroin is numbing for him. He is my world and I love him dearly. I hope someone who reads this can relate to me. If they can, please let me know. I need to know if these people have a way out.
Tina <kissthegemini@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, April 24, 2002 at 21:32:45 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter`s drug addiction started at the age of 16. She is a heroin addict and also uses cocaine and ecstasy, and I`, sure anything else she can get. In January, she lost her fiance (21 yrs old) to lung cancer. Before this happened she lived with me and it has been worse than a nightmare. I have, for the past 3 yrs. lived, alept, and breathed the agony of watching her slowly decline. Every morning I would go into her room and make sure she was alive. Every time the phone rang at work, I thought sure it was the call that my baby girl was gone forever. I have spent three long heartbreking years trying to get help for her. I went to court, I had her taken to the hospital in handcuffs to be tested, (where the county guidance center said she wasn`t in danger and they had seen people using for years. I was told the paperwork from the court was useless. I took her to a facility for help where they released her after 4 days (this was in the beginning). I have been living my life so aware of everything involving her. Recently she was arrested for selling heroin, ecstasy and cocain. She was a high honors student all through school, she wanted to be a lawyer. She was beautiful. Now she looks anorexic and since losing her boyfriend has given up. I pray so hard for God to keep her safe. I hope the court will do the right thing this time and put her into a longterm rehab. All addicts have to hit rockbottom and she has hit hers. My fear is that she doesn`t care enough anymore to try. My heart goes out to you and your daughter, I wonder if there is anything that will ever really help.
Ronda <ronewalker@msn.com>
NH USA - Monday, April 22, 2002 at 22:08:52 (EDT)
it is such a terrible loss and i have sufferd this my self i lost my cousin at the age of 19 she was a beutiful girl and we where more like twin sisters than cousins we was never apart from being born up untill the age of 13 there was less than a year between us and we lived next door to each other for most of our life but she got in with the rong crowd and now there is no more melanie she was a very inteligent girl but not clever enough to say no it doesnt stop there my younger brother whent the rong way as well he has spent time in prison once and when he came out he did very well for a short period of time but then whent back to it he then got clean again got a house and started getting it together but now i fear he has gone the rong way again i havnt heard from him in a week i just sit every day waiting for that phone call saying your brother has gone because i know thats where it well end i know if he just had some encouragment and understanding from our dad then he would stand a better chance in life people say it is the worst thing loesing a baby but i think there is nothing worse than loesing a child you have brought up for 19 years and built a relationship with over all those years your not only mother and daughter you are also best friends i offer you my condolences
charlie short <charlieshort@vizzavi.net>
united kingdom - Sunday, April 21, 2002 at 09:11:12 (EDT)
ADDICTION AFFECTS EVERYONE, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER VISIT heroin-addict.com and learn about drugs and addiction, ask questions and get answers
Rahjen Black <recoveryguru@aol.com>
DETROIT, USA - Friday, April 19, 2002 at 11:42:08 (EDT)
I am truly sorry for your loss. I am presently in several programs for my herion addiction. I'm 2 months clean so far. I still have a tough road ahead of me but I'm ready for it. I have three kids and they know everything about my situation. They are very proud of me going to get the help I need. And that makes me feel good. I am not going to let them down again. May 1 I will be going to a place called the Serentity for 30 days then onto a 90 day program. I can't wait to get started on my new life. I also had a good friend of mine die of a accidental overdose. He was in jail for 3 months and when he got out he was clean and thought he could handle what he was doing before he went in there. Well he got himself a couple of pills of dope and some xanax and took them thinking he was just going to get high. Well he fell asleep and never woke up again. And my sister-in-law blames herself because she was in and out of the house all day and she thought he was just asleep. I told her there was probably nothing she could of done for him. I am getting my life back and I'm going for the gold. First for me then for my kids. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. May God bless you. Robin Nelsen of Virginia
Robin Nelsen <robin@robin.com>
Chesapeake, Va USA - Wednesday, April 17, 2002 at 12:41:52 (EDT)
I have just read your daughters story and it truly brought tears to my eyes. i am a 15 year old girl and alot of my old friends turned to HEROIN. there was one lad his name was Gav Brown he had the personality and was a great friend hes 17 been to a young offenders twice and absolutley hates Heroin but it took along time for him to realise what he was doing was wrong.It just proves that when people say "ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT" they are actually wrong. Treat Erin well up there Lord she has had a hard life . ANY ADDICTS READING THIS PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP HOPE
ami <amihinks69@hotmail.com>
cannock, England - Monday, April 15, 2002 at 09:25:03 (EDT)
The speech you gave really was a good one, and i can tell that it hurts to talk about it, but i saw that you are a very strong person, and you have to keep going strong. the assembly wouldnt have been nearly as informative without you telling your real story. it shows that good people do have bad things happen to them, but in some way, hope always comes out of it. :)
A Stuent From Arcola
USA - Saturday, April 13, 2002 at 17:53:57 (EDT)
Dear, Ms. Allen I am one of the students you give a presentation to on Thursday April 11th at Arcola Intermediate School, and I must say your story moved me and inspired me not to take drugs. Erin will laways be remembered by us at Arcola. Your performance showed all of us how bad drugs really are. Sometimes I get picked on but I have a heart that will inspire me to keep going like Erin. I am once again very sorry for lose and I deeply mourn for erin. May she rest in peace.
Greg Rhoads <GJR4455@aol.com>
Lansdale, PA USA - Saturday, April 13, 2002 at 12:52:59 (EDT)
Mrs Allen, I have just read your daughters story. I cant really express how much it moved me. I currently work in a Detox clinic in England & talk to famillies everyday going through your pain & torment in trying to help their children & siblngs. If you publishing Erin's story saves just 1 life it will have been worth while. You have inspired so many younsters with you svhool talks I hope they litened to what you had to say & do not experiment with any kind of drugs. Be strong Mrs Allen, your daughter walks with you everyday, she will never fade in your memory or in the memories of the people you have shared your story with. I have printed it off to share with the people I work in the hope that it helps them work hard at staying clean. God bless you & your family, your story will stay with me.
Claire Hogan <clairehogan@cwcom.net>
York, England - Friday, April 12, 2002 at 18:06:44 (EDT)
I recently posted below and thank you for your response. To all parents who are watching their children die, I wonder if you have thought, at times, the way I do. Sometimes I wonder if my 20 yr old son is not better off with God where he would suffer no more. The people who have posted here that are active users as well as Erin's story has made me realize more than ever the pain my son endures daily. And the pain I endure daily watching him kill himself. As I stated the fear is overwhelming. I have often felt that I was having a nervous breakdown the panic and fear and pain is just tooooooo much. I have suffered with my son for over 2 years now, much less than many other parents and active addicts have. How do you SURVIVE? Nar anon meetings haven't really helped me. The night my son went into cardiac arrest I dreamt that he had died, not knowing it really happened to him. At midnight I was calling all over to try and find him because of the dream. The next day when he came home from the hospital he told me, in tears, that he died for 7 minutes the night before. I don't want to sleep anymore. It seems the devil sneaks into my own sleep and is wreaking havoc in my life. And sleep use to be the only thing I looked forward to at night. My only time to escape his grasp during the day. Now I don't have that anymore. To all parents, if you have survival tips, I sure can use them ALL. God Bless to All
Carol R <Depsprings@aol.com>
NJ USA - Friday, April 12, 2002 at 07:34:05 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, After listening to your story today about Erin I suddenly had a love for life and a strive for love. Your story influenced me in ways you could never imagine. I cannot and I don't think I will ever be able to feel the pain you have and I am sorry that you must live with that. But, I will tell you one thing, Erin is probably watching from up above and saying to herself what a great and caring Mom she has to be warning young people about the drug that took her life. I appreciate everything you said and I took every word into consideration as to what the future holds. I thak you for coming to my school and sharing Erin's story with all of us. Everyone should live life to the limit because tomorrow may never come!
Sarah
PA USA - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 21:19:50 (EDT)
Hello Mrs. Allen. Your daughters story helps motivate me to stay clean. I first read about your daughter in October. I remember her every day. As a recovering addict, I admire your strength and courage to share your family's experiences to educate others about this horrible disease. As an addictions worker, I applaud you and your family for having this courage. People need to be educated. Not just the general population, but our health care professionals as well. For any addict out there, don't despair! There is life without drugs. And a great one at that!For everyone else, give someone you love a hug and tell them you love them.
kate <nasun2@1cqmail.com>
hamilton, on canada - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 19:14:06 (EDT)
Before today, I'd never really thought about the effect drugs could have on an individual and their family and friends. After your part of the presentation, though, it really all started to hit home. I can't believe that such a small thing could do such large amounts of damage to a person, as it unfortunately did to your daughter Erin. Statistics and graphs can only do so much. Hearing about a actual person who suffered from drug use, especially from a family member who also had to endure the painful experience at the same time, makes it all the more real. Please know that I offer my deepest condolances, and that you are not alone in wanting to take action. I would never think about choosing that path, and I'm so sorry that your daughter did. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and sharing Erin's story with others keeps her from having suffered in vain. As a teenager, I know all too well about peer pressure and temptations, but being informed is a step in the right direction. Thank you so much for taking the time and making the effort to help prevent others from falling into the trap of drug use.
Lindley Y. <shortnsweet11788@aol.com>
Audubon, PA USA - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 18:13:44 (EDT)
Mrs.Allen, I am an eighth grader at Arcola intermediate school. I just want to let you know that I greatly appreciate you going to schools and telling Erin's story. I hope what I'm about to say does not offend you or your family because that is not intended. But as I was sitting there today listening to you talk, I could not imagine that actually happening. It felt like I was watching a T.V show. But now I am aware that people can't get off this garbage. Thank you for telling Erin's story. I think it will help lots of people.
Janet H. <Janet122000@aol.com>
PA USA - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 15:59:08 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am deeply sorry for the death of Erin. I am a male eigth grader at Arcola Intermediate School. You spoke to my school at a presentation on April 11, 2002 about Erin. I just want you to know that I feel sorry for you, and the rest of your family. When I lived in Philadelphia, my next door neighbor died from an overdose on heroin, and he was an awesome person, and I'm sure Erin was too. Well I respect the fact that you go around and do presentations and speeches about Erin and heroin, that shows alot of courage. Thank you.
Casey Whitehead <Bigpoppakc@cs.com>
Collegeville, PA USA - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 15:38:59 (EDT)
I guess that the reason that I am writing is to say that I am sorry. I was a heroin addict myself and later I lost friends and a husband to the addiction, so I know the pain that is on both sides of addiction. I am only twenty-one now, but with the things that I have seen I sometimes feel like I am fifty - heroin is painful whether you are the addict or the person standing on the sideline. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but in the end what I did and didn't mean to do turned out to be of no consequence. I know that it's hard giving up the quest to find someone or something to blame, but everything is a part of the addiction. I am to blame for my addiction, just as sure as there were other factors involved. All that I can do now is say that I am so sorry for your loss as well as my own losses. PLEASE, if anyone needs someone to talk to that has been there, either with the addiction or otherwise, drop me a line. If you want help and I can't give it, chances are that I know someone who will be able to offer the help you need. Again, I'm sorry for all of the losses that are caused by this disease.
Erin A. <jasparagus@aol.aom>
Springfield, VA USA - Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 13:14:08 (EDT)
My heart goes ou to every sinfle family member who has either lost a child or who is going he the pain of watching a loved one on addiction. I placed my son in jail. Insurance company's are a scam, they paid for 14 days of my son's rehab then discharged him. Four hours later a needle was in his arm and he overdosed. Went into cardiac arrest for 7 minutes, but they finally got him back wih Narcan. I have goen him a bed in rehab, LONG TERM rehab. But I have read all these posts and I wonder if my son will ever beat this. Looks like the statistics are against him. He doesn't wan o go to rehab on a court order or ROR. He said he doesn't want to be taken to rehab in shackles. He told me he has dignity. I told him he devil took hat away from him 2 yrs ago. I guess this is it. If he doesn't make it with this program, I fear that I too will be posting here on his death. The FEAR is overwhelming. It is fear of the unknown. Will it happen? Will I get that phone call? I saw him last night and although he has had no herion in 3 weeks I can see inside he is screaming for it. Mentally he is anguished by the lack of it. He was going to get bailed out last night by a junkie friend. I wen to this so called friend and said you bail him out I will kick your ass and sell your ass down the river to the police. As of this morning, my son is still in jail, Amen. I pray for us all. Did you ever realize that we are addicts too. Our children are addicted to this evil drug and we are addicted to our children. We are addiced to trying to save them. Nothing stops us. Is this what we are suppose to do? I can' stop. I can't imagine living without him. I also struggle with what everyone says to do. THROW hem ou on he street. But hen I hear addiction is a diease like cancer or diabetes, If our children don't take their insulin do we put them out? If they don' go for heir radiation treament do we put them out. It still is ALL confusing to me. Dear GOD, please watch over us all and give us he strength to carry on. Dear Erin, keep giving your mother the strength from above, so she can continue the good she has started. ALL in your memory.
Carol R <depsprings@aol.com>
NJ USA - Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 06:59:28 (EDT)
I have read Erin's story and it touched my heart deeply. I have a son suffering from heroin, who is in prison now and just can't seem to shake this terrible disease. We tried everything we could to help him. I hope everyone who suffers from drugs reads this story and realizes how it affects everyone's life around them, especially the people who really love them. My heart and prayers go out to all of you.
J. Bersani <goldmine50@hotmail.com>
New Castle, DE USA - Tuesday, April 09, 2002 at 23:23:11 (EDT)
May Erin's story help to save the lives of those addicted to heroin. You are to be admired for sharing your story. May God Bless you all. We will pray for you always. Lovingly, in Christ, Theresa Blasucci President H.E.A.L.
Theresa Blasucci <healaddiction@aol.com>
Glendale Heights, IL USA - Monday, April 08, 2002 at 14:07:16 (EDT)
This is a very sad story and i am very sorry for your loss i have a friend who is 27 and an addict and every day i worry about him
connie Anderson <canderso@stclairc.on.ca>
windsor, canada - Friday, April 05, 2002 at 10:38:59 (EST)
Happy Birthday Erin!!! You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
A Friend
Newark , DE USA - Wednesday, April 03, 2002 at 10:04:59 (EST)
Dear Erin, I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday, continue to watch over us. Love Mom
Mom <margeral@aol.com>
Wilm, Del USA - Wednesday, April 03, 2002 at 10:03:37 (EST)
I have lost 2 brothers to this terrible drug,so I know how some of you all feel.You might say no you don't but I do,I am a recovering addict my self.All you need to do is stay focus,pray and take it one day at a time.Its not an addiction,its a sicknest... 1 love to the world.
Joe Thomas Jr. <THEONEBUNN6@aol.com>
Wash., DC USA - Tuesday, April 02, 2002 at 20:53:36 (EST)
I am so very deeply sorry for your loss and continued pain. I came to this site because someone very special to me is addicted to heroin and I don't know how to respond. How scary it is to learn that this addiction is so common. My prayers are with you.
a friend
USA - Monday, April 01, 2002 at 10:48:49 (EST)
In 1997 I lost my beautiful sister and best friend to heroin. She was only 26. I too saw her body at the morgue and can relate to how insensitive the medical personnel are. She was just another junkie to them. I related all to well to your story of Erin. I'm sorry for your loss.
Anna Saphiloff <iambanana75@hotmail.com>
San Diego, CA USA - Monday, April 01, 2002 at 01:50:02 (EST)
I read Erin's story and I'm so sorry for your loss. Erin seems like she was a very sweet person with a lot going for her, and I think it is one of life greatest injustices that these deaths are so frequent. I stumbled upon you site while working on a drug assignment and because of it, I am adding Erin's story to my assignment as an example of the trauma and destruction that drug addictions attract. I think most people have considered drugs at one point in their lives, and im always thinking about it, but your sight has just really got to me. It's so real and startling. This is how the government should deal with the rising drug problems, by showing us what it can do instead of just warning us not to use it. The drug education programme at my school is a joke, and I wish that more of an effort was made to alert people of the reality of drugs. I hope that Erin is in a better place, I really do.
Thania <thazchic@hotmail.com>
Sydney, NSW Aus - Monday, April 01, 2002 at 01:47:31 (EST)
I am so sorry about your loss. We as a family are trying to get help for my husbands brother. My God Bless you for trying to help others. Angie in Ohio
Angie
Laurelville, Ohio USA - Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 19:58:06 (EST)
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I think it is admirable of you to help others through your loss. I am looking up some information on drug addiction. My husband has a brother that we believe is addicted to heroin. I believe God is the only way out of that nightmare. It helps to see other families go through this terrible ordeal. I only wish yours had a happy ending. God Bless you. Angie
angie
Laurelville, Ohio USA - Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 19:54:36 (EST)
BOOK PROPOSAL: The idea of compiling a collection of writings in the form of a book, dealing with “the drug experiences” and drug dependence was born while visiting a number of websites dedicated to drug use and addiction. I firmly believe in the potential strength of such collection of writings exploring the powerful and often devastating effects, which drugs can have on our lives. There is no limit to the literary form, which the pieces can take: fiction, nonfiction, poetry, letters, interviews etc. Nor there is a limit to the way the subject is approached. A number of similar literary collections, including the of writings by famous authors such as De Quincey, Cocteau, Baudelaire, Burroughs, Huxley, Billie Holliday and others, have been published in the past with various degrees of success. However, my primary interest lies in the writings of a wider variety of individuals, reflecting on their unique personal and diverse experiences. My aim is not only to produce a book of gripping and unforgettable literature, but also to attempt to change certain dogmas, social stereotypes and perceptions of “the junkie” and drug user in our society. Both literature and substance “abuse” have been an important part of my life, hence, my deep and sincere dedication to this project. In 1999 I began research and later the same year the filming two documentaries, "Lemon is Lemon" and "Cinemett or the Time's Coming for the Cat and the Dog to get together," dedicated to the lives of several heroin-addicted kids in Sofia, Bulgaria. Along with the film projects, I have produced a book of over 100 black-and-white photographs depicting various aspects of the lives of these young men and women. The photographs come in two sizes: 20" by 16" and 11" by 14," both in limited editions of 10 and printed on Ilford fiber-based MGIV glossy paper. All profits from the sale of these photographs or the publication of a book of these images will be donated to charity organizations in Bulgaria, dedicated to helping the vast and ever-growing number of people addicted to heroin. If you would like to support this charitable cause by purchasing a photograph, please contact Konstantin Bojanov at either (718) 389-2528 or (646) 479-9345, or via e-mail at Kbprojects@aol.com. Some of the images could be viewed at http://www.photosource-enhanced.com/bin/Portfolios?launch=pdn-30686 or http://www.zonezero.com/comunity/portfolios/index.html (search for Konstantin Bojanov) After finishing my work on the two documentaries and the photo book , I can now dedicate my time on the completion of the collection of writings. If you are interested in participating in this project, please submit your works by e-mail (as Word attachments) to: kbprojects@aol.com. You also may wish to include a brief bio and contact information. I will review all submissions and inform the potential participants before any part of their writings is used. The contributors will retain the copyright over their works outside of this publication. For those who wish to remain anonymous, a pen name or simply “Anonymous” could be used instead of the real name of the author. I kindly thank you for your consideration and I offer you my best wishes. Best Regards, Konstantin Bojanov PS Please use “Book project” in the title of your e-mails.
Konstantin Bojanov <Kbprojects@aol.com>
Brooklyn, NY USA - Sunday, March 31, 2002 at 11:39:18 (EST)
Does anyone know of any organizations which are available to help people trying to recover? I'm speaking in terms of food, housing, living expenses - help? A family member of mine is on methodone. He has recently been tested and discovered he has Hep. C. - He has been unable to work due to the illness. He has a child. Because he is totally committed to his recovery and will be decreasing - and soon be off of methodone - family members have been pitching in to pay for his apartment and utilities. The State of Delaware offers a very little assistance-for which we are thankful. Are there any charitable organizations which can help bridge the gap until the he can totally get back on his feet? Thank you...
Help? <mkt_sys@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, March 28, 2002 at 08:04:11 (EST)
I just want you to know how deeply your story touched me. I am a 22 year old recovering heroin addict... I just recently got out of prison for things that i did to support my addiction, and I have been clean for 6 months. Reading Erin's journal entry brought tears to my eyes because I have been there and know all to well how awful this drug can be. I am slowly putting my life back together, but God willing I will be fine. Stay strong, and thanks agin for sharing your story.
Katie <KBlay420@aol.com>
Norwalk, CT USA - Wednesday, March 27, 2002 at 16:20:47 (EST)
I AM ALSO A RECOVERING HERION ADDICT, CLEAN NOW FOR 6 MONTHS. AND WHEN I READ ERIN'S STORY I JUST BROKE DOWN AND CRYED BECAUSE ITS NOT JUST ERIN IT IS MY STORY TOO. I PRAY I MAKE IT. ERIN'S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I TOO AM JUST LIKE ERIN. WELL IM TOO SHOKE UP TO WRITE ANYMORE, SO GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
LINDA <FANCY0771@AOL.COM>
DALLAS, TX USA - Wednesday, March 27, 2002 at 05:08:10 (EST)
i just wanted to say i'm sorry for your loss i am a 23 year old heroin addict.....its harder than anyone can imagine to stop using i've been in rehab 4 times and am currently in treatment i have 1 month clean and recently had a new baby and she was also addicted to heroin but by gods grace i will stay clean this time..........
rachel <adore415@yahoo.com>
santa cruz, ca USA - Sunday, March 24, 2002 at 23:52:39 (EST)
IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. IT MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD ON YOU. IT WAS A TRAGEDY BUT THIS TELLS US THAT WE NEED TO FIGHT AND TOTALLY DESTROY THE MAKING OF HEROIN. WE NEED TO MAKE EXTINCT. I HOPE THIS HELPS
PHILLIP LENHART <PAL1P@AOL.COM>
SACRAMENTO, CA USA - Sunday, March 24, 2002 at 13:49:30 (EST)
I don't know what is more is more disheartening,the tragic death of Erin or our "rehabilitation/recovery programs". Denial is not an excuse for our gonernment's(us) not persuing the options of maintenance use therapeutic programs. Also,the use of Psycholetic Therapy, the legal therapeutic use of Psychedelics, to help unmask the underlying causes of addiction. Specifically, some of the roots of heroin/opoid addiction, repression and the resulting cycles of grief and bereavement. My sympathy to Erin's family and those who are strugling with Opoids. Alternative therapies are available and effective in the U.K. and in Europe. See Lotsof and Ibogaine on the Net for more on this. The best cure for a broken Self is unconditional Love. Take care of your Self and things will work out for the better. Fear not the Light for it shines beyond the Shadow where the Truth is revealed.
mike o'tuel <mho@triad r.r. com>
Greensboro, n.c. USA - Saturday, March 23, 2002 at 12:33:15 (EST)
Sorry to here from erin,as I got a lot of friends trying drugs as it is something nice to them,COOL.But the tears afterwards,the cry for money for the addiction!Use heroin once and you hooked,Rest in Peace
Samuel <svries@mweb.co.za>
Cape Town, South Africa - Thursday, March 21, 2002 at 11:58:04 (EST)
I wanted to thank you for coming to Wesley College and sharing your daughter's story. It was both informational and interesting. I think that the program is a great way of learning for students. I think that there should more programs like the one I was at. Once again thank you for sharing your story, it was both touching and moving. It definately reached me and I believed it reached others as well. Thank you.
Justin <hugheso15@hotmail.com>
Dover, DE USA - Wednesday, March 20, 2002 at 18:51:29 (EST)
I am so sorry to read about the lost of Erin. She is now with the Lord. So she is in excellent hands! God Bless!
Kris <kwatkins@jcfb.org>
Baltimore, MD USA - Monday, March 18, 2002 at 09:59:15 (EST)
I have a son who will be 25 in June he is living at home right now we are waiting for a bed in detox again . He started smoking pot at 12 and has done everything from cocaine to pills to drinking now herion and extacy . He was in and out of drs. hospitals he spent 31/1 years in jail and 6 months at daytop now he has started to drink and do herion and extasy . I do not know what else to do i have tried to be understanding and supportive he has stolen monet property from his family and become verbally abusive to us i had to have him arrested for a domes. disturbance we are now waiting for court he has been ordered inpatient rehab he wants to do 30 days but i have had enough my husband wants to leave my 17 year old is tired and so am i . I have asked the court to please send him long term and a full restraing orde so he can not come home . His girlfrien is also a herion abuser and they should not be together . I feel so bad to have to send him away to not come home to use the counseling to go to residential and a half way house but he says they donnot work but this at home is not working . He has no high school diploma and has been trying to get his ged and never finishes and has had 3 jobs but messes them up . If any family out there has young kids they even suspect get help before it to late . I felt so sad i cried at erins story because if something doesnot happen for my son i could be looking in the mirror .
Grace samayoa <secret5184@aol.com>
Greenwich , Ct. USA - Monday, March 18, 2002 at 09:45:58 (EST)
I would like to give you my condolences. My heart goes out to you and your family. I cried when I read about Erin. I also have a son who is 19 and he's been doing heroin for about a year and ahalf now. I just recently put him into a rehab clinic and pray that he will be stronger when he comes out. I know my hope is in the Lord Jesus. I can only trust Him to watch over my son. I hate this heroin!!!! It's destroying so many people, young and old. Why do we do these things? Life can be so much more beautiful without drugs. This world is falling apart because there is no hope anymore. May God bless you and I think of your Erin everyday.. Praise God for the Stand you have taken. I too will let people know the awful dangers of this drug.
KrazedOne <KrazedOne@aol.com>
IL USA - Friday, March 15, 2002 at 19:04:43 (EST)
Been on meth for 5 years and still using. Can't seem to stay clean for more than a couple weeks because i like it so much. I know i will die from this someday and I know that will cause a lot of pain to my family. But the pain they will feel probably doesn't compare to the pain of everyday of my life.
tanya <tcurtistanya@hotmail.com>
- Thursday, March 14, 2002 at 18:01:51 (EST)
hi my name is dave and iam a druggie, today i only drank 3 bottles of cheese.
dave <->
-, - USA - Thursday, March 14, 2002 at 07:52:10 (EST)
understand addiction. But I feel like we all keep doing for her and going out of our way to help her and this is what we always get in the end. I would love to talk to anybody else out there who has the same problem as I do. I to am a recovering addict, Just over three years clean. But I still don't know what I can do for her. I just watched that True Life special I'm Wasted on MTV. It's a good informative show that actually really portrays thje daily life a heroin addict. If anybody wants too learn more that would be the show I would reccomend. Good luck to all
Brandon <Goodm295@aol.com>
Population 1800, IL USA - Wednesday, March 13, 2002 at 21:50:43 (EST)
Once again i find myself on this page. I have commented before on my family's own problem with heroin addiction. My cousin has been in and out of treatment centers, lived in recovery homes. She was almost six months clean when and our relationship as friends was beginning to grow again. See, I was the person who informed her parents of her addiction. Well this weekend she stole my ATM card and withdrew over four hundred dollars from my account. I thought things were going good for her she wa back in college, I was helping her look for a job. I guess I feel betrayed and.. mad. Im tired of her stabbing me in the back, I really truly don't want to turn my back on her but I feel like there is nothing more I can do for her. I DO
Brandon <goodm295@aol.com>
Population 1800, IL USA - Wednesday, March 13, 2002 at 21:44:38 (EST)
hi im sorry i have a new e-mail my story was about my brother i did mean this i just find out when i got home this thing is new.....but like i said erin will always be in my haret.
jacqui H <jax0086@comcast.net>
newark, de USA - Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 20:00:45 (EST)
thank you for coming to howard high school. see my brother use to do heroin and i really dont know if he still is. i dont want to lose him because i love him to much it makes me cry because i really know how your family feels. but erin will always be in my mind. she and my brother teached me a lesson not to do heroin. i hope you get this and we keep in touch. i cry every time i see you at one of my schools it reall touches my haret.
Jacqui H <jax1986@home.com>
Newark, DE USA - Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 17:54:51 (EST)
My deepest condolences. I am a recovering heroin addict -- 2years & 3 months clean. I know the hell of the addict. I can't imagine yours. I am so sorry. Gia
Gia <gravazzotti@hotmail.com>
South Africa - Sunday, March 10, 2002 at 16:42:23 (EST)
Hi this is a student that you talked to at Sebyville Middle School.I am very sorry to hear about your daughter.But the story of your daughter probily changed alot of peoples life LIKE MINE.I will NEVER DO HERION!!!!!!!That is what I said after the assembally.Well thank you for every thing and for changing my life and many other people.
Tara <Spice7362@aol.com>
Frankford, DE USA - Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 19:59:01 (EST)
I'm very sorry to hear about Erin. My heart goes out to everyone who grieves for her. I was a heroin addict for three years. The worst three years of my life. I'm 23 years old. I've only been clean now for 9 weeks but already it seems that my life is getting better. I'm at college and have got myself a job, but more importantly my family is starting to speak to me again. It was so hard coming of heroin, especially as i'd been dependant on it for so long. My habit just kept getting bigger n bigger n there was nothing i could do about it. I had no choice but to keep feeding it day after day. I've done some awful things to get the 'devils dust', but then i imagine every heroin addict has, havn't they?! I decided to come off the stuff at Christmas. That was when I really hit rock-bottom. It was freezing cold outside n i found myself living in a house with loads of other junkies. Everyone of them was doing something illegal. It was awful, but i got persuaded to go out with them to get money for heroin. How stupid was i? On Christmas Day i went round to my mums house but she wouldn't let me in, in fact when she saw that it was me through the window she didn't even bother coming to the door to see me, she just shooed me away. It broke my heart. But i bet it broke my Mums heart more. It was her who had to watch as her daughter self destructed in front of her very eyes and she was powerless. It was her who i'd gone to when i'd been desperate for money. It wasn't easy getting off heroin. In fact it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I just hope to God that i can stay off the stuff. It's so much better without the stuff. I don't want to be a slave to the DEVIL anymore! So if theres anyone reading who's trying to get off heroin, then keep trying and eventually you'll do it. If i can do it then anyone can. And if I believe in you then you should believe in yourself. You deserve a better life.
Catherine Hunter <huntre_catherine@hotmail.com>
Chorley, England - Thursday, March 07, 2002 at 04:59:33 (EST)
Yesterday you came to the assembly at selbyville middle school and i was very touched. My uncle used to be a normal all around good guy. Last year he got a divorce and now he lives somewhere on the streets in baltimore. My family and i feel that he is doing heroin and know he is doing crack. We tried to help him once and he promised me that he would never do any heroin again. Im 13 years old and dont want to loose one of my (used to be) influencal uncles. i used to look up to him but now i look at the ground. I hope once he relizes what he has done and finds some help because i love him alot and i dont want to loose him. Thankyou for coming into our school i know i will never do any type of drug, besides the fact my parents would kill me. I making this promise to you erin and myself -- thank you
Leah Ciekot <leaiscool@aol.com>
ocean veiw, de USA - Wednesday, March 06, 2002 at 19:42:52 (EST)
I was at an assembly today at S.M.S i am glad you guys came down and visited i think alot of my peers got the message. It was a very strong one but at the same time Sad i wish you guys the best and shall we keep Erin in our minds!
Jason Hudson <gruepolaris@hotmail.com>
millville, del USA - Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 21:24:06 (EST)
I was at Selbyville Middle School today, as a student nurse from Del Tech. I really don't consider myself a highly emotional person, but I found myself with tears running down my cheeks today while you were telling Erin's story. I know it must be heart breaking for you to talk about your tragic loss, but I'm sure your message reached so many kids, in a way I hope will keep them from trying the most addictive and lethal drug, heroin.
Heather Shuhart <crowleylpn@aol.com>
Frankford, De USA - Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 18:49:03 (EST)
i came upon your website sort of by mistake.. iam searching for ways to know if someone is on herion.. my boss who is also my good friend has a 15 yr old son who is hanging around wiith known users .. useres who used to at one time be my friends .. i have watched this drug ruin all of my friends and take them straight down to hell.. it is there hell and to them they cannot see it .. they do not realize how much it hurst everyone because they are numb from the drugs and cannot see passed there high.. i have tried and tried to reach out to these people that i love but unfortunately they dont care enuf to listen .and i couldnt get through.. one of them has leagly died 7 times!!! how can you die 7 times and not realize you need help.?? but they dont .. they just dont..it makes me so angry to see such beautiful people throw it away for a quick fix... i can say that the only good thats come ouT of any of this is that i saw too well how it could ruin my life and didnt do it .. but now when all the people you grew up with are addicts it really makes you think you are lucky .. i yearn to reach out to these people and scream STOP IT YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF,, YOU ARE HURTING YOUR FAMILY AND MOST OF ALL YOU ARE RUINING A OH SO PRECIOUS LIFE THAT CANNOT BE RETURNED.. MY ADVICE TO ALL IS DONT SELL YOURSELF TO THE DEVIL FOR A QUICK HIGH.. and now i prey that i can help my boss with her son before it is too late .. my heart goes out to all of erins family friends and especialy erin herself.. it does not mean she was weak herion is sop powerfull that she wasnt sure she needed help.. i lost my boyfriend over the summer .. he wasnt on herion but he was on extasy and he drowned in a lake with all his friends around.. his friends were all too high to realize he wasnt kidding when he said help.. so he died ,,, people need to stop throwing out there lives adn it makes me cry inside every day .. i am only 24yrs old and i have been through hell .. it scares me really iam affraid to have kids because of all of this and i just want erins family to know that when i prey i will prey for her too and when i think of my lost love then she will be there too .. i am truly deeply sorrowed and i wish i could make it all stop for all of the parents and children that this drug is ripping apart.. TO ALL THE PARENTS --- DONT LOOSE HOPE DONT TURN YOUR BACK -- AND TO ALL OF THOSE WHO MIGHT READ THIS THAT ARE HOOKED .. REALIZE LIFE IS MORE THEN A HIGH LIFE IS THE ULTIMATE HIGH AND DONT LET DRUGS HOLD YOU HOSTAGE .. LOVE YOURSELF CAUSE YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE.. and you cant go back ..
mo <melo2g@hotmail.com>
brewster, ny USA - Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 15:08:26 (EST)
Hello. I lost someone close to me recently and I know how you feel. It was over the same exact issue too. I hope things get better and you all find a way to get passed this and live happy lives, I am sure that Erin would want you all to be happy as well.. God Bless you all!
krista bird <birdkrista@netscape.net>
chambersburg, pa USA - Tuesday, March 05, 2002 at 09:38:37 (EST)
i would just like to offer my condolences to you. i am deeply sorry for your terrible loss. I am 15 years old and have recently kicked it, after being a prisoner of heroin since i was barely 13. i have finally realised how lucky i am to have been able to kick it before it proved fatal. once again, i am very sorry and i hope you can find some comfort in the fact your daughter is now at ease. take care, god bless, goodbye
nancy <ifeellikethecolorblue@hotmail.com>
clacton, united kingdom - Monday, March 04, 2002 at 18:09:27 (EST)
Hallo I am truly sorry about your loss. i don't use drugs but I have three young daughters 14, 12 and 10. I worry about the pressure today's kids have to face and I wonder if my kids would be able to stand up against anything. When I read about what happened to your daughter it made me realise how incredibly easy it is to get hooked. It made me realise how dificult it is for our kids and how we as parents cannot fold them in cottonwool, although I wish I could. My heart goes out to you as parents. I have lost a son. My little boy had a heart attack but by no means could that be compared to your heartache. I do know that it is extremely difficult for a parent to bury a child and in sharing that my heart goes out to you. Please always remember that you and your family are in a lot of peoples praires. I know that you will never forget but you will always have your good memories to hold on to and I believe that Erin is in God's hands where she is free from what this drugs was doing to her. Please believe me when I say that I am truly sorry for your loss.
Charmaine <naasdb@iafrica.com>
Durban, KZN South Africa - Monday, March 04, 2002 at 15:38:07 (EST)
My brother-in-law who I love dearly is addicted to heroin. Nik is only 22. Last night we had some family over and Nik came by too. My husband suspected something was going on with him - but I didn't think so. As I was cooking,my husband tending to the other guests, Nik was in the room with my 17 month old son reading/playing with books. When I walked in Nik looked really tired --so I said "Nick do you want to take a nap?" He said "Yes." I took my son, shut the light and closed the door. I don't remember how long he was sleeping (hour and a half to two hours). I went back in the room and found him completely purple. I screamed for my husband and dialed '911. We gave him CPR which helped revive him until the paramedics came and took him to the hospitl. He just completed rehab - finished counseling - got a good job - and now after being clean for 3 months, our family faces his death again. In two years he has overdosed 4 times. Now, my husband does not want him in the house for the fear of me and my small child. I'm afraid Nik's destiny is death. I tried talking to him about God, but it hurts me to say that I don't think he believes in God. This morning we talked and he said he was truely sorry. I believe him. I know this will probably happen again because not once did Nik say "I have a problem" or "I need help." Now, I can't help but feel "how am I suppose to help?"
ves <ves270@hotmail.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Monday, March 04, 2002 at 13:49:18 (EST)
i recently just lost my uncle to a heroin addiction. he was on heroin for less than an year. we tried to put him rehab, and he promised that he was done. but he went back and we all suffered because of it. Josh was just 25 years old when he died he left behind over 15 neices and nephews. i am 17 so i will remember josh always but my little brother who is just now one will only remember him in the pictures we have. i feel your pain and i know your grief but you have to hold in there. things will get better Brandy
brandyt rogers <brwneyedgirl9537@aol.com>
USA - Sunday, March 03, 2002 at 11:05:14 (EST)
reading this has made me realise how selfish i was i was an addict for 3 years and was always in and out of re habs then last year something just seemed to click and i just managed to stop, i have been clean for almost a year now and reading this bought tears to my eyes as i realised how easily that could of been me, also it made me realise how much my family must of been hurting which i never thought of at the time. i have now started college and plan to go to uni and do some travelling, and hope that i always remember how bad things actually were as sometimes i forget and this scares me i just now now that i have to do this for me and am sorry it was too late for Erin
kath
USA - Friday, March 01, 2002 at 17:44:28 (EST)
Mrs. Allen- Thank you. You recently traveled to my high school and told us your story. I could never imagine heroin entering my life, but now I see how real it really is. Although I've never lost a loved one to this unimaginable hell, I can honestly say that your story has changed my life. I now also realize that heroin is slowly but surely creeping up everywhere. Hearing Erin's story made me understand that you really don't know what tomorrow will bring, it's always unmarked...just like her journal says. It really does mean a lot to teenagers, for you to be strong enough to travel to our schools and share Erin's story. Once again, thank you so much.
Ashley <softballnut6@hotmail.com>
PAA USA - Friday, March 01, 2002 at 17:19:09 (EST)
i am 20 years.also a heroin and crack addict.It's my last night at home.going to rehab tommorow.Sorry about your daughter,i've also lost a friend.I hope it is going to work this time!!!Seems like the heroin problem is all over the world,here in South-Africa just as bad.
christoph
pretoria, south africa - Friday, March 01, 2002 at 16:42:19 (EST)
I was really touched by your story yesterday when you came to my school (Pleasant Valley High School). Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am 16 and listening to your story set me straight for as long as I live. I will never try heroin. I just wanted to say thank you for making an impact in my life and my prayers are with you!! Thank you.
Miechele Keller <polish_punker@hotmail.com>
Saylorsburg , PA USA - Thursday, February 28, 2002 at 16:14:03 (EST)
I am so sorry for your loss. I am living in the nightmare of heroin addiction with my 23 year old son. He is alos bi-polar and a cutter. It is the devil that took him over. I live every day waiting for the phone call which you recieved. I cried when I read your story. I love him sooooo much and I have tried everything to help him but to no avail. The heroin has such a hold. I am so sorry for your loss. The only condolence is as much as you miss her (and always will) at least she has stopped suffering. I told my son one day as long as he is breathing we have hope. And I will never give up on him. But in the end it's not up to us. I hope you are ok and feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk to someone that understands the hell you have lived through. Another mother in crisis. Jayne
Jayne <jmcn181891@aol.com>
Philadelphia, Pa USA - Thursday, February 28, 2002 at 12:47:14 (EST)
Dear Mrs.Allen, I saw the story about your daughter Erin and it caught my eye because my name is Erin too. I read your touching story about your daughter, and it made me cry. I can only tell you how sorry I am that you had to lose your daughter in such a tragic way. I just wanted to tell you that my prayers are with you. I just had a daughter of my own six months ago. I can't imagine anything ever happening to her, and I can only pray that she never gets involved in anything like what happened to your daughter, but as you know, life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. Again, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of Erin. Sincerely, Erin Schmidt
Erin Schmidt <erinandtom@yahoo.com>
Calgary, Canada - Wednesday, February 27, 2002 at 23:47:00 (EST)
Iam soo sorry for your lose. Thats so sad and If i were you i wouldnt know what to do. I dont have any kids but im only 14 years old.I've never tried it but Im scared of big drugs and things like that.I knew people who died cause of over doses and it was so sad. im so sorry i feel every bit of your pain, but you shouldnt blame yourself. you helped all you could, its not your falt, she did it to her self. i would have died if my daughter got caught up in drugs. its stupid. well if you could e mail me back that would be good.My prayers and thoughts go out to you...May her tragic and short life not be in vain and bring courage to those who are still fighting their own demons....
Alyssa <PiggyMonkerfrog1@aol.com>
Brick, NJ USA - Wednesday, February 27, 2002 at 22:22:55 (EST)
I am writing this to tell you how truly sorry I am for your loss. I know that words could never take away the pain but you are keeping people informed about the dangers of this evil drug and for that I thank you. One of my best friends is heavily into drugs and he has recently started using heroin. I am very scared for his future what little of one he has, right now he has pretty much ruined all the relationships that have ever meant anything to him and it breaks my heart. Once again I am so sorry that you and your family had to live through the dread of seeing someone you love do that to themselves and I hope by spreading the word to others you will feel some ease from the pain. People need to realize that heroin is a real problem in this society and we have to deal with it! God bless you and your family.
Lisa <leedaisy22@aol.com>
Slippery Rock, PA USA - Monday, February 25, 2002 at 23:22:33 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Allen: This website is so moving about your daughter, Erin. I too have a 20 year old daughter who has been battling heroin addiction for 3 years. IN and Out of rehabs, residential treatments in local facilities...and to no success, so in a final desperate move, I just placed her in a longterm residential facility in hopes that she will be able to beat this insidious Devil...Heroin...No one likes to talk about the way that heroin has made its way into middle America...its still almost impossible for me to admit it to anyone in my family or neighborhood... It is courageous that you speak your message to the teenagers of America...God Bless you and Say a Prayer for my daughter, Steffi, may she beat the devil this time...
Elaine <eklale@aol.com>
Hollywood, FL USA - Sunday, February 24, 2002 at 15:41:54 (EST)
Ms. Allen, you came to my middle school about 2 1/2 years ago, and the pictures from your presentation and your story has stayed with me to this day. Whenever I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes, I thought though this drug would never have anything to do with me. This September I went into high school expecting everything to be the same as before. But I am loosing more people to this drug and many other drugs like it. I think about your story every day I enter those big high school doors, and I pray I won't make the same mistake as many others had made. Thank you for making me a stronger person, you have inspired me to also help others who I know have a problem such as your daughter had. Thank you and I pray for you, Love Justine
Justine <justbaby87@aol.com>
Boothwyn, PA USA - Sunday, February 24, 2002 at 12:09:24 (EST)
I am very sorry for the loss of erin, I too have lost a loved one. My 19 year old brother died this past september of heroin overdose. I'm 13, and i have already xperiencd as much pain as u. I've learned not to take a single thing for granted. I wish u the best. Kayla
Kayla <AngelEyes1562@aol.com>
Bethlehem, PA USA - Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 19:38:23 (EST)
What's this drug life all about look at all the e-mails from addicts it gets us no where lets all keep fighting and break the cycle. My dad told me about this web site. My name is Ashley I am a 21 year old heroin addict. I am clean today and I have to say it is the best feeling in the world, but I have been clean before and end up going back. i don't know what makes me turn back to that lifestyle that I hate so much. I have been fighting this diease for almost three years. Three years of my life wasted on sticking a needle in my arm and it only gets me one place back in the hospital for detox and then back in rehab. As I was reading Erin's story my eyes filled with tears, I don't want the end results: death ot prision, but to be honest I don't know what to do different this time. I have the worlds greatest parents there love is the only thing that has kept me alive this long but I have to STOP putting my family through this. I have a 16 year old brother who used to be so proud of his sister who had everything together and was going to set the world on fire until the drug from hell entered my life. I am very sorry about your lose I have lost friends to this drug and I know that all the people who love me have been watching the drug slowly kill me. In Erin's journal she said that before she knew it she had sold her soul to the devil...that really hit home. I am a born again christian but for the past three years the devil has had my soul. I said I have to try something different to STAY CLEAN and Erin my not have had the chance to let God get her soul back but I do and I thank you for sharing Erin's story with me. It is terrible what happened but it was just what I needed not to end up dead and to stop putting my family through this. So thank you! Your courage and love my not have saved Erin but because you shared, it will save me. I am going to give my life back to God He is the ONLY thing that can save me...He is the only thing more powerful than this heroin lifestyle that comes only from the devil! Mom and Dad and Justin if you are reading this stop planning my death and start helping me plan my life because I am going to use my life to help others someday and even though God promises us a lot he never promises us another breath I don't know how or when I will die but it will have nothing to do with Heroin or it's lifestlye, that is a promise. I am going to keep fighting because this drug is not going to get me. It's a great day to be alive and clean! I love you Mom and Dad and Justin...we are going to make it I know I have said that many times over and over but just watch me set the world on fire! Again I am sorry about Erin, you are in my prayers and please keep me in yours as I fight this drug everyday but I will fight it and no matter what it takes I am clean today and have been for 16 days it is time to move forward and not turn back...I will break the cycle this time! Thank you. Lastly, to all heroin addicts out there we are the the ones with the best chance of sending this drug back where it came from...HELL so keep fighting and let go and let GOD! Thanks!
Ashley M. Napier <ashiee@sprintpcs.com>
St. Louis, MO USA - Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 17:00:57 (EST)
My dearest condolences, it might not mean anything from someone over the otherside of the world whom to you is a stranger, but my deepest sympathy. It must have been terribly hard coping with everything but dispit how hard it has been for you, you have written this peice, for this i congratulate you, you are a very strong and brave woman. And no doubt by the sounds of it you were great parents. Sorry I cant respond with something great but i am not very good at english. Irronically i had to research heroin for english, i am currently studiny doing year 12,VCE, thank you very much for your site it has helped me very much. Condolences if u could please respond just to let me know you recieved this it would be good. Deepest sympathy
daniel <gavaWPO@hotmail.com>
melbourne, Victoria Australia - Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 05:42:07 (EST)
I can't imagine your grief. I suffer from chronic pain and am prescribed a drug called Dilaudid, which is pretty much pharmaceutical grade heroin in pill form. I am physically dependent due to an extremely high prescribed dose. I handle it well, though...it's my wife who has the problem. I gave her one when Tylenol wouldn't help a sprained ankle and it was a downward spiral ever since. She began stealing my pills and got severely addicted. I started running out early and suffered from the same kind of withdrawal symptoms as your poor daughter. I saved my wife's life once when she overdosed on my medication. The only reason she is alive is because I used to be a trauma paramedic and knew some advanced techniques for overdose revival. I had treated literally hundreds of OD victims but never my wife. I luckily had my med kit with me and injected her with Narcan, a drug that can reverse a heroin overdose. I read Erin's story and wished that I could have helped her somehow, done something, done the same thing. It's what I'm trained for. Eventually, my pain management physician became suspicious of early refill requests until my wife finally came clean to him about stealing my meds. She is currently in her 4th attempt at rehab, she just graduated for the first time and is now in a halfway house. I have had a pump installed inside my abdomen that eliminates the need for pills so that she would have to cut me open to get anything. I am also a musician and heroin use runs rampant in that scene. I lost one guitarist to an overdose. I just know that Erin is away from her physical and psychic pain, and is smiling down on you, waiting for a glorious reunion. God bless you and your courage and feel free to email me. You have my deepest sympathy and love Mike
Mike <missingingredient@hotmail.com>
Austin, TX USA - Saturday, February 16, 2002 at 08:49:47 (EST)
ABOUT TWO AND A HALF WEEKS AGO YOU CAME INTO MOUNTAIN MANOR WHICH IS ONE OF THE REHAB FACILITIES I WAS STAYING AT. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT BECAUSE OF ERIN I WILL NEVER PUT MYSELF BACK INTO THAT SITUATION AGAIN. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 15 DAYS. THANK YOU FOR MAKEING ME SEE THE LIGHT.
CHRISTIN MCFALLS <XxHOTGIRLxX17>
BEL AIR, MD USA - Friday, February 15, 2002 at 14:02:33 (EST)
My heart aches for you in the loss of your daughter. My life too, has also been a heroin hell for the past 18 years. Eighteen years ago my oldest brother died of a heroin overdose as a result of getting addicted while serving in the Vietnam war. Two weeks ago my younger brother became a victim of heroin addiction. He fought the disease for the last five years or maybe even more...but again Heroin won. He left behind a wife and two young daughters...also a loving Mom, Dad, two sisters and two brothers. If love could have saved him he never would have died. God knows we all tried to help him...he is in a better place now and finally at peace with himself. My story doesn't end there. My youngest brother fought the same addiction for many years also...got clean for a year and then was diagnosed with Leukemia a year ago. He has been fighting Leukemia and we thought he was winning but a month ago it came back. I am a match for him for a bone marrow transplant and will be flying to Massachusetts in a few weeks to hopefully help save his life. My advice to anyone who has a heroin addict in their family is to just stay in their face. Don't ever let them think they are fooling you when they say they are not doing it anymore, because there is no way to stop doing heroin unless you get put away for a long time so that you do not have access to it. My youngest brother that is fighting Leukemia went into a halfway house for a year and was drug tested everyday...he had a sponsor and a family the supported him. I just hope the love and support of his family and friends can help him with the war he is fighting now. Heroin is the most depressing word I know. It makes my heart ache and puts my stomach in a knot. I have been living it for half of my life and I, like others are at a loss on what can be done about it. My deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your beautiful daughter....Marie
Marie <MSnow10168@aol.com>
Guyton, GA USA - Wednesday, February 13, 2002 at 22:54:47 (EST)
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother was taken away from me on June 16 1998.Hegot into Herion A little differently than most people do. He was in A major car accident in June of 1996 and they got him hooked on pain pills then they stopped giving them to him as the thought he was starting to abuse them and he was. That's when Herion reare it's ugly head. He was hitting the drug pretty bad andhehad themoney from his law suit settlement to do it.To make A long story short he died waiting for my parents to pick him up and my 12 year old nephew found him. And now we all suffer from the loss A little less each day but you can never forget what did it to them so my family talks at schools all over Idaho and Utah.I hope you and your family can find A way to heal and I hope this site is your piece of mind. Jus letting other people know what your daughter went through may make someone think what can I do to help in my own neighborhood to help put an end to all those lonely hurting Mothers,Fathers and Wifes and Children,And all other family members. With Gods help and A little help from us and our Police Departments Maybe we won't have to go to all those Mourges.ood luck with your fight as I will keep up mine!!!!!!
Mark Allen Thorne <Thronmat@cs.com>
Pocatello, Id USA - Wednesday, February 13, 2002 at 03:18:23 (EST)
HELLO, YOU HAVE MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY. I HAVE BEEN A POLICE OFFICER FOR 7 YEARS IN BALTIMORE CITY. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW, BALTIMORE IS ONE OF THE MOST HIGHEST CITIES IN THE COUNTRY WITH A HEROIN PROBLEM. THERE ARE APPORX. 60,000 HEROIN IN BALTIMORE CITY. WITH A 250.00 TO 400.00 A DAY HABIT, YOU FIGURE EACH PERSON HAS TO GET THAT MONEY SOMEHOW. I'VE SEEN SO MUCH AND SO MANY YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER. I HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS THAT ARE STRUGGLING WITH THIS PROBLEM. I ALSO CONTINUE TO DO MY JOB EACH DAY EVEN THOUGH THE JUSTICE SYSTEM SEEMS TO SLAP EACH OFFENDER ON THE HAND. I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR THER RIGHTS OF CITIZENS AND INNOCENT PEOPLE SUCH AS YOURSELF SO THAT SOMEONRE ELSE'S DAUGHTER WILL BE SAVED. THANK YOU ESPY
baltimore city police officer <espyaward@yahoo.com>
BALTIMORE, MD USA - Monday, February 11, 2002 at 00:58:27 (EST)
quitting drugs is not easy. life isnt easy. death is a side effect of the disease of addiction. treating a disease that your mind tells you that you don't have is tricky. there are no shortcuts to recovery from addiction. if you take a short cut with self dishonesty, lack of effort to recover, death will probably happen. addicts confuse failed attempts at treatment as an attack on their self-worth. yet it could be a chance (if the addict makes it back to treatment) to reflect on where they went wrong in addressing their disease. was i dishonest with my peers or counselor when they asked me if i had been thinking about using, had i repeated behaviors clean that i did when i was using. ie prostitution; stealing, manipulating a person in authority, lying to a loved one about my feelings or thoughts. addicts new to recovery might access a local mental health clinic. it is quite possible that they are suffereing with a depression that could be situational or even that of the long term variety. it is important for addicts new to recovery that they are responsible to be up front with themselves and others about their behavior. newy recovered people often behave as an active addict. recovery is being honest and changing those behaviors. YET IT IS MOST IMPORTANT THAT THE NEWLY RECOVERING PERSON UNDERSTANDS ONE VERY IMPORTANT FACT.......YOU ARE NOT ALONE.......IF YOU NEED AND WANT HELP TO STAY IN RECOVERY YOU MUST SEEK HELP OUT. REAL LIFE IS NOT LIKE USING DRUGS....LIFE IS DIFFICULT....what am i saying , you already know life is hard
john <johnnyboats1@aol.com>
ri USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 21:25:26 (EST)
I am very sorry about your daughter. We love you.
SKT <skthomas@ohiohills.com>
Logan, Oh USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 20:45:56 (EST)
As I read about the tragic lose of your daughter I felt I was reading about myself. I lost my son to a heroin overdose may 20,200o he was 20 years old. I watched and suffered as he suffered trapped in a 5 year addiction. He was in and out of rehabs quit school and also loved Pink Floyd. He once told a close friend if he died he also wanted the song Wish You Were Here played at his funeral. It's like there is a common bond between them and other addicts only they understand and their families. The words wish you were here are engraved on his monument at the cemetary because I wish he was here. My son was a beautiful person and more needs to be done to fight this war of addiction.
Annette <amrn39@aol.com>
Larksville, Pa USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 14:55:47 (EST)
Hi, I'm a mother who nlows the pain of losing a son to heroin. I lost my son on May 20, 2000 a month after his 20th Birthday. Our family was devastated. Chad was a handsome brite inteligent young man who went down the wrong path. He had a great personalith, smile and a kind heart. I will carry his memory with me for the rest of my life. Heroin and drugs of any kind destroy lives and families. Drugs are everywhere and they can take anyone. I watched my son suffer for 5 long years until it took his life. Thank you for sharing. A greiving Mother
Annette Williams <AMRN@AOL.COM>
Larksville , PA USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 14:38:12 (EST)
ms. allen. you just spoke at our police academy this past week. the tragedy that you suffered from this horrorible drug makes you realize just how short life can be. that night i made sure to give everyone in my family a big hug and kiss. thank you.
scott pluta <perotzk@aol.com>
franklin, nj USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 12:13:18 (EST)
I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I wanted to thank you for sharing Erin's story. Reading it and the pages from her journal were like reading my own journal. I was twenty years old when I stopped using heroin and that was over seven years ago. It's easy to forget the despair that I felt while I was using - how scary it was to not be able to stop. Due to the insidious nature of the disease of addiction, there are times when I entertain the idea of using again. I'm not sure what I was looking for when I typed in "heroin" into my browser but I certainly didn't expect to find my own story in someone else's words. I'm grateful that I am not using....and humbled by the daily repreive I have. Reading Erin's story and seeing so much of myself in her made me realize that this disease is serious and fatal. It's too easy to forget sometimes. I wrote in my journal, "there's no difference between her and me....except this little tiny choice to not pick up...yet it's the difference of life and death." Thanks to Erin and her own words, I can make that choice today.
Jennifer <jenniferkemp6194@msn.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Thursday, February 07, 2002 at 00:57:05 (EST)
you have my condolence,s for your lose. i recently lost many friend s to this herion, but came on because i am losing my 23 year old son and his girlfriend to this. i just found there stamp bag in trash and keep trying to find out what i did wrong and how to correct it, but it is a endless battle.why,why,why can't we get to them before it is to late????? i dream of him in his coffin, see him there and don't know what to do
susan <sjmngkids@aol.com>
houston , pa USA - Tuesday, February 05, 2002 at 00:16:00 (EST)
hi! well i just read your story. i found it as i was looking up heroin for my senior paper. the story brought tears to my eyes. i never realized the effects of heroin. i dont do any drugs and to see what they can do to you makes you think. my old best friends father died of a drug overdose and when she would do drugs i would think of her dad and if she wanted to be like him. i wish kids in my school knew the effects of drugs because its all they do... no one really knows yet they always do them.. this story is very inspiring and touched me. ms allen if you wouldnt mind letting me use parts of your story in my paper i would love that. good luck and you are very inspiring!! ~Elaina
elaina <cozygurl59@email.com>
ma USA - Sunday, February 03, 2002 at 19:58:18 (EST)
Hi Thank you for sharing such a hard story to deal with, to all of us. I am using her story to teach to my high school students. I hope it will impact my students enough to make the right choices when they are faced with the situation. Again, thank you.
Kim <ktoomey@blackstonevalleytech.ma.k12.us>
upton, ma USA - Friday, February 01, 2002 at 13:45:38 (EST)
I used to crawl around Philly in a crazed stupor, commiting crimes and being a general SOB to support my habits (Crack/Heroin by day and pills and/or alcohol for sleeping when the binge was over). I went to 2 rehabs, neither "stuck". I worked it out myself, and now, 5 years later, I just graduated with a degree in Psychology and Criminal Justice. YOU can turn YOUR life around also. NOBODY can do this for you. GOD will ASSIST you if you TRY, but GOD will NOT do it FOR you. If you must, do as I did, MOVE AWAY. I moved to Nevada for 3 years while I finished college and got my head straight. I just MOVED back. And guess what? I will NEVER find myself in those neighborhoods again! Why? I have a life now, you can too, figure out what works for you and DO IT, Drastic problems take drastic answers! If it seems like an impossibility, that is probobly the ANSWER. Do it and save yourself, If I can, so can you, don't give up.
DJH <djdozier69@hotmail.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Thursday, January 31, 2002 at 12:17:37 (EST)
I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your beautiful daughter. It is such a waste. But I beleive a lot of people will learn from Erics story and learn what heroin can do. Anyway I just wanted to ask if anyone would like to help me with a novel I am currently writing about heroin...if you do just email me Kiss_of_death77@yahoo.com If you have had personal experience with heroin then your help would be appriciated. Lots of Love, Galaxy
Galaxy <Kiss_of_Death77@yahoo.com>
Melbourne, Vic Australia - Thursday, January 31, 2002 at 04:32:49 (EST)
I have gone through the herion problem, and I know that it is really hard to do. Now I have about 30 days clean and very day it is a battle, but I know that I can do it. To read what Erin wrote broke my heart because of all the pain that she felt. I know that my mother goes through the thought of me not being able to do it. I know that her pain is great, so I want to live my life right. I want to say that I am sorry for your pain, and I know that god will bless you. I know that this will help me see the true light of this drug and everything that it does to a person who is kind and loving to the world. I want to thank you for sharing this story.
jt <jtd122>
baltimore, md USA - Wednesday, January 30, 2002 at 13:08:54 (EST)
I am so sorry to hear about Erin. It really hurts seeing that I have 2 aunts that are both addicted to Heroin and Crack very badly. One is is her late 30's and has Hep C and Hiv. She has 3 children and is slowly killing herself. The other one is in jail at this current time also with 3 children and is not as bad as my 1st aunt but nearly there. So to hear Erin's story really gives me chills and is so upsetting and I am so very sorry that she had to end her life this way..!!!
Jamie <jl2@adelphia.net>
Finksburg, Md USA - Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 21:01:08 (EST)
Many condolences to you. I understand the feeling of caring and loving someone sooo much, u would do anything to make them stay away from those awful drugs. My son's father was an addict also. He died on his Birthday, January 27th. I loved him very much. I fought so hard to try and keep him off it. I know he tried very hard too, but it is an uncurable disease some people can't get rid of. It is all soo very sad because most of these addict are smart, caring, loving people with awesome personalities. I wish that we can keep them around and have them live a healthy and happy life, however all we can do is wish that they may Rest in peace...and just pray to God that he may take care of them..they may not suffer anymore. They are all loved and they all make mistakes, I forgive my Alex for anything he has ever done and i love him with all my heart.
Eileen <Eileen197411228@yahoo.com>
Brooklyn, NY USA - Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 18:47:26 (EST)
I am a heroin addict and have been clean for a year. Its stories like this that help me to stay clean. My parents nearly lost me too, and I pray everyday for one more day clean!
Angela Marr <angela.marr@freemail.absa.co.za>
Cape Town, SA - Monday, January 28, 2002 at 09:20:41 (EST)
i am really sorry you lost somebody so close and so special to you. i cried when i came upon this page. how sad.
sandra <geekslove@aol.com>
san francisco, ca USA - Sunday, January 27, 2002 at 21:18:36 (EST)
Sometime's we cant understand tell we open are minds in see how were hurting ourselves or ones we love! giving up on them is to easy!
deedee <Shygrl0904 @.com>
yuba city, ca USA - Saturday, January 26, 2002 at 04:54:35 (EST)
Creating this website is a great memorial to your daughter. Her creative, intelligent personality reminds me of my own daughter who has struggled with heroin off and on for about a year and a half. Every time she gets on, it seems harder to get off. This time she had clean for about 90 days. I was very proud of her. To celebrate we took a weekend trip to a local themepark. We got home Sunday afternoon and she went to a movie Sunday night. She seemed fine when she returned home. Monday morning (Jan 21) we spoke briefly as we got our day going. Maybe 10 minutes after telling her I had bought doughnuts for breakfast, I found her collasped on her bathroom floor. She was gray, unresponsive and not breathing. I went hysterical but was able to call 911. The lady on the phone assisted me with mouth to mouth. The paramedics arrive shortly and were able to revive her. She had used a tiny amount of heroin for the first time in 3 months. Fortunately, she is fine and swearing sobriety. I, on the other hand, am scarred for life. God bless you as you continue to spread the word about this demonic drug.
Pam <teachette@aol.com>
fl USA - Thursday, January 24, 2002 at 22:15:46 (EST)
Thank You so much for sharing your story and remembering your daughter, I have been battling with my heroin addiction for 8 years now. I too started this impossible journey in Philly on Kensington back in 1995 and today i have only 10 days clean after several rehabs and attempts to put this thing to rest. Reading your beautiful daughters journal entry was almost uncanny- I swear i've written the same things in mine-but today your daughter is an angel reminding me that no matter how hopeless this struggle feels i don't want my mother to have to feel the pain of losing her daughter to the streets. Today you are in my thoughts and prayers and to any experimenting kids out there PLEASE do not try heroin-trust me you cannot imagine the hell you would be putting yourself in for- for LIFE!
heather <sealgmp@aol.com>
columbus, oh USA - Thursday, January 24, 2002 at 12:50:16 (EST)
Dear Ms. Allen, Thank you for sharing your tragedy. My heart goes out to you, your family, and everyone close to your late daughter that survived her. I have been in and out of treatment centers, etc. for 4 years now, and next month I will celebrate 1 year clean. I feel close to your daughter, though I never knew her, because I have known her pain and misery. There is no earthly reason why I have YET to share the same fate, and for that we are also connected. I am beyond grateful that my family has not had to mourn my death, it is with that gratitude that I constantly keep in my prayers the addicts who are still suffering and who will die of this disease. Thank you, and God bless us all.
Emory S. <MsBhavinEmory@AOL.com>
Santa Barbara, CA - Tuesday, January 22, 2002 at 03:55:27 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, I know where you are coming from and i know where you have been. My daughter died three weeks ago from an overdose of heroin. She leaves a four year old son and a family that will love her until we all die. I am still grieving and searching for some understanding, at least I know she is at peace and free from all her pain. God bless you. Vicki
Vicki <K4vhs@msn.com>
USA - Sunday, January 20, 2002 at 22:21:18 (EST)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Recently, you came to my school and spoke about your daughter's experiences. Your story brought me to tears, but that's not the point. I want to thank you. Thank you for being strong. Thank you for coming to the young people of the world and warning them of what can happen to them when bad decisions are made. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I know that your story will stay with me forever. I'm very sorry about Erin but never forget that she is watching you. I know how much for love her and I know its hard to lose someone that you love so much. Thank you for using your tragedy to help so many others. If one person makes a difference to you, you've made a difference. Thank you
Anonymous <PAML123@hotmail.com>
PA USA - Thursday, January 17, 2002 at 22:40:39 (EST)
amen julie!~ yeah that was cool how u came in and tked about that to us without breaking down. also, you are very strong to do this for us and i respect u for doing this, thank you very much. *Laura UMS*
*Laura <waurwuzgrl88@home.com>
philly, PA USA - Thursday, January 17, 2002 at 15:45:19 (EST)
today when you made a visit to our school i though that you story got righ tp the point. i know that 3 of my friends were crying their eyes out. I coiuldnt even look you in the eye with out crying. i am teribly sorry about your loss of your daughter. thank you very much for talking to us! you really changed the lives if some of the peoples out look on heroin. thanks again.
julie <mysticview5@juno.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Thursday, January 17, 2002 at 15:20:56 (EST)
Mrs. Allen, Your presentation was very touching that I think you have just gave people a new look on how life really is. Your daughter Erin was a beautiful young lady who looked as if she had a lot of potential in life. Its ashame that she had to leave this world the way she did. I'm pretty sure she would have wanted to live a happy life and always want you in her heart. We appreciate your help on showing us the perspective on life and not to waste it on a drug like herion. Thank You, Jen, Jamie and Danielle
Jamie Meaduw <Student@aol.com>
PA USA - Thursday, January 17, 2002 at 14:30:16 (EST)
Dear Mrs. ALlen, You have no idea how much you have touched me and my fellow students. Having you come in and talk to us about Erin it really will stick in my mind. I have never tryed drugs before, but my frined was on drugs and her mom had no idea. They caught it early enough. I just wanted to thank you for your ever so profound presentation. I am soo sorry for what happen with your gorgeous daughter. You have no idea how much that has helped me, you probaly have saved more then 2,000 lives. When you said that everybody has a goal in life, and that god gave everybody something to live for and that yours is to travel all over the world and share your story, I truly believe that you are correct. Everybody was put on this earth for something to live for, and god put you on this earth to save children and adults from messing up their own lives. Thank you so much you really have no idea how much you have touched me. Thank you very much Mrs.Allen, and thank you for your story of Erin. Love, Sunni
Sunni Taylor <abc@earthlink.com>
Miami, FL USA - Thursday, January 17, 2002 at 14:20:59 (EST)
im sorry that you have lost your daughter. i read many storys like yours everyday and i know your pain. her story is much like my mothers(with the same outcome). i am also addicted to heroin and i hope to some day rid myself on these demons. with every story i read of a lost soul i grow weaker yet stronger. drugs arent the problem.. its this painfull world we live in. with empathy, me
heresy <heresyheresy@aol.com>
pa USA - Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 04:13:01 (EST)
I've written you once before and was touched that you took the time to write back. My uncle was a heroin addict and every once in a while I get a very scary longing, feeling, that makes me think I've inherited the "drug gene." Presently I am being treated for cyclothymia, a milder form of bipolar disorder. Every day is a struggle, but nothing compared to yours. The day you spoke at my school, Lenape, two years ago, was the day I was inspired to write a story about what heroin can really do to you. I'm nowhere near done, I will notify you when I am, but if it's all right I would like to thank you and Erin on the acknowledgments page. I won't do this unless you say I can. Thank you, you are in my prayers. You have amazing strength.
Rose <katiedid@mac.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Monday, January 14, 2002 at 17:23:25 (EST)
I lost my ex boyfriend of three years to Heroin three months ago. I am sorry for your loss. Nina
Nina <TUGRL@aol.com>
New Haven, CT USA - Monday, January 14, 2002 at 01:23:54 (EST)
Wow, I can really see how this could affect people's lives. I am a recovering heroin addict clean for 11 months. I've lost 3 best friends to heroin and one to suicide. I send my condolences to your family and any other family who has lost someone due to heroin. If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm here. Please feel free to e-mail me. Thanks.
Jacki R. <BacardiBitch420@iamwasted.com>
Glen Gardner, NJ USA - Friday, January 11, 2002 at 16:41:50 (EST)
hey, i was at schol today when you did your presentaion with the delerware police. Dude your totally right about how many ppl do heroin, my best friends bro is in jail for like the 5th time for it. Hes got tons of tracks, i smoke ciggarettes, pot, and i did opium once which sucked.im gonna quit the pot and cigs for sure cause im taking to a real great chick who wants me to quit, i think your daughters story shoulda be told in the chambersburg prison, chambersburg has so many drugs going through it like everyday!because were so close to hagerstown and philly, i know of ppl who had 20 pds of pot in there house, i dont know them personally but thats crazy, but i wanted to say your story has taught me a lot about heroin and ill never do that and i think it will keep me from pot too, because thats a gateway drug, thanks a lot zach
zach
chambersburg, pa USA - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 19:51:08 (EST)
hey, i was at schol today when you did your presentaion with the delerware police. Dude your totally right about how many ppl do heroin, my best friends bro is in jail for like the 5th time for it. Hes got tons of tracks, i smoke ciggarettes, pot, and i did opium once which sucked.im gonna quit the pot and cigs for sure cause im taking to a real great chick who wants me to quit, i think your daughters story shoulda be told in the chambersburg prison, chambersburg has so many drugs going through it like everyday!because were so close to hagerstown and philly, i know of ppl who had 20 pds of pot in there house, i dont know them personally but thats crazy, but i wanted to say your story has taught me a lot about heroin and ill never do that and i think it will keep me from pot too, because thats a gateway drug, thanks a lot zach
zach <z_bowie@yahoo.com>
chambersburg, pa USA - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 19:50:27 (EST)
I was very touched by your story and also very sorry. Reading your story brought back old memories. My boyfriend was a heroin addict. One night he overdosed and thankfully his cousin,his aunt and I found him and we able to call 911 just in time and he made it. He went to rehab and since has been doing good. Thank you for telling your story I'm sure it touched a lot of people and hopefully it opened some people eyes to the dangers of drugs.
annoynmous <sweety8348>
pa USA - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 17:09:23 (EST)
Wow. I'm sitting here crying, cause its such a sad story. I have never done any drugs myself, just smoking cigarettes and it won't get any further than that. But I so truly hope that everyone of you out there will get out of your addictions, and anyone is welcome to mail me just to chat and maybe tell about your problems. I'll be listening. My heart goes out to Erin and her family.. Love and hugs from Michelle, Denmark
Michelle Mattesen <spazzer@sol.dk>
Esbjerg, Denmark - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 13:28:45 (EST)
I have never tried heroin. I have aquired an alcohol addiction and a cocaine habit. It feels awful, it hurts, shame, regret, hatred, confusion....I am trying to escape, I think Erin's story may help stop me from following her path. God Bless. An addict's life is so cold and lonely, I understood every word from your journal, Erin. You're free now, God will heal your pain . And to Erin's family, God bless you for making this pain public and possibly stopping other lives from being ruined. Thank You, God Bless You. Brooke Attebury
brooke <Brookeattebury@hotmail.com>
lawrence, ks USA - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 00:06:21 (EST)
I just finished reading the story about Erin and I am so sorry for your loss.My friends brother is an herion addict and i pray for him that he will stay clean.I pray for you and your family that somehow the pain will heal and bless you for using Erin's story to help others.
Margaret <MargaretW658@aol.com>
fredericksburg, va USA - Monday, January 07, 2002 at 14:52:43 (EST)
Thank you for sharing your daughters' life with me.I am a very struggling recovering addict who needs to remember that I am not alone. Neither are you and your family. God Bless
KCollet <Ghetto Mom Kate@aol.com>
hamilton, canada - Sunday, January 06, 2002 at 21:25:52 (EST)
Marie, hi this is Ashley-- I am 32 and am a RN--I have worked some as a psychiatric nurse and med/surg--currently I am a school nurse--I love kids and see what the "drug"scene has done to fine children just like Erin--When I was a teen I smoked pot and tried a few things, but luckily I never did heroin--I am now a mom of a 4 year old and pray (in advance) that my son will never submit to such "evils". I think there is such a gravitational pull from peers--trust me I remember. I certainly hope that you and your husband have let yourselves off the hook and are not blaming yourselves. Freewill is an element we are all given good or bad. The Lord is never away from us and He is with Erin. I am really empathizing with y'all(can ya tell I'm from the south?) Sincerely, Ashley (friend, mom, wife--human)
Ashley <Ashleyclnc>
Northeast, La USA - Sunday, January 06, 2002 at 20:49:50 (EST)
I am really sorry for your loss and hope that you are healing just fine. I hope that Erin's story will help other to find the right way.
Brittany <dancerqueen42@aol.com>
proctor, vt USA - Sunday, January 06, 2002 at 14:26:12 (EST)
GOD please grant these parents and family peace of mind and a calmness to continue living--WORD TO THE WISE AND THE COOLEST OF COOL - DON'T EVEN TRY HEROIN. LOOK SOMEONE IN THE EYE AND SAY NO THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ashley <Ashleyclnc@aol.com>
Northern , La. USA - Saturday, January 05, 2002 at 20:30:53 (EST)
god bless you and your family
rnd <rndunning@co.new-castle.de.us>
USA - Friday, January 04, 2002 at 10:08:25 (EST)
wow what a powerful message i am a recovering heroin addict.i began using heroin when i was 16 years old i used it and plenty other drugs untill i was incarcerated at the age of 25 for possesion.its kind of hard to write my story and there is so much i want to say.first i have been clean for 30 months and 16 days so for everyone who wrote on here that they want to get clean it can be done for me na really helped me to get support from people who had BEEN THERE and were wiiling to help me and as the days go by my life really gets better and i don't have that uncontrolable feeling to use today.i also read alot of people asking how they can help a loved on quit and all i can say is where i have been and i couldnt stop for any one.for the families my heart breaks reading your stories my parents lived in fear for 9 years of finding me dead the thought that my mom would wake up at night with nightmares of me on the street using is horrifing.ok so my message is is with lots of willingness to work and chane and grow recovery happens i am living proof
brenda
USA - Thursday, January 03, 2002 at 03:54:04 (EST)
Her court date is 2-1-2202.. I made a mistake
Donna <mdonna13@aol.com>
Boston,mass, USA - Tuesday, January 01, 2002 at 12:31:57 (EST)
Im so sorry for you loss, I am a parent of a heroin addict, Her name is Kimberly & she is 22 years old, She is my only child. For the last 4 years I've been through hell & back, I don't know what else I can do, She was arrested recently on on possesion of heroin, When she went to court I begged them to not let her go on bail as I figured this was the only way she would seek any kind of help, Well they let her go anyways! This is her second offense. Her court date is 1-1-2002. I've done the tough love thing & it doesn't faze her in the least, as there is always someone who will take her in.I was so hurt when she came home for Christmas High !! But I was happy to see her as it had been awhile since I had. It breaks my heart to see her in this condition, And all I do is cry every day & night, Some days I feel like just ending my own life so I don't feel this pain. But I couldn't leave her alone, as every one else has giving up on her & won't have any thing to do with her.This is my Baby and I don't want to lose her.I will be going to court on the first with her . I just hope the system hears me this time,. I just needed to vent for a minute as there insn't to many people who care to listen anymore,,Thank you mdonna
Donna <mdonna13@aol.com>
Boston, ma USA - Tuesday, January 01, 2002 at 12:11:22 (EST)
thank you for putting this site online. i am going through a similar experience as your daugter did at the moment. I am going through withdraws and i didnt know where to turn for the help i need because of the blindness of those around me to my addiction. i didnt want them to know about it. this helped me realize i just cant go back to it hopefully i wont end up with the same fate
sheila parker <wiccachicq@hotmail.com>
hammond, in USA - Saturday, December 29, 2001 at 02:41:03 (EST)
I am going to visit my sister in jail today because she violated her probation by using heroin. She is going to be sent to a rehab for 9months by court order. The story about Erin reminds me so much about my sister and I am so scared that this is were my sister is going to end up. Hopefully God watches over her and answers our prayers for her.
Michelle <msantos@onetravel.com>
Odessa, Tx USA - Friday, December 28, 2001 at 14:32:26 (EST)
It breaks my heart to see the plight of so many resembles rural NH's heroin story.. I wish people would atleast stop sharing needles. God bless and if your useing please try stop.
EMT
NH USA - Friday, December 28, 2001 at 00:01:07 (EST)
i am sorry for your loss. i too, have been dealing with heroin in the same way that you were with your daughter. my boyfriend had used heroin for almost 5 years. i am proud to say that he has been clean for 10 months. it was hard though, he stole from me, lied to me, betrayed me in every possible way. he also went to philly everyday, 3-4 times a day. he began selling dope when he didn't have anymore money. he was arrested for selling heroin to a 14 yr old that overdosed. the kid didn't die and my boyfriend got out of trouble by "narking" on his dealer. of course he found a new dealer within hours of his release. he went to rehab on his own, but when i went to visit him at rehab, he signed himself out and made me take him home. i wasn't going to take him home, but i knew that if i didn't, i would have probably never seen him again. the day after he came home from rehab, he relapsed. one week after he relapsed, he went to jail for stealing two guns from his neighbor's house. he spent 6 months in jail and has been out of jail for 4 months now. he is doing well. we have a daughter together that just turned a year old this december. he loves her very much, and i am glad that he decided to be a part of our lives instead of living the life that he was living. he attends counseling once a month,and accepted jesus christ into his life. he is a completely different person now. i too am a recovering coke addict and i am proud to say that i have been clean for almost 3 yrs. i know that everything you went through with your daughter was hard, and you could have just given up on her, but you didn't. your daughter never meant to hurt you, trust me. she was sick, very sick and just couldn't get the right help in time. i'm sure she is looking down on you now appoligizing for everything that she has done to you. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. please keep my family in your prayers. your friend, haley
haley <daisychic42001@yahoo.com>
lewistown , pa USA - Thursday, December 27, 2001 at 17:14:13 (EST)
This register is an excellent idea. It allows anyone who thinks they can beat heroin or cocaine at their own game is mistaken. These testimonials only prove that Erin's case is not an isolated incident, something that happens only occasionally. Everyone has addictive receptors in their brain, some more that others. That is why you can be addicted after only one dose. Thank you for making this web site........this is the scariest trap anyone can get into.
image
wilmington, de USA - Monday, December 24, 2001 at 08:44:09 (EST)
HI ME AND MY WHOLE FAMILY ARE HERION ADDICTS, AND ERINS' STORY ONLY MAKES ME FEEL WORSE, BECAUSE MY LIFE STORY IS FAR MORE DREADFUL. THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT ONLY YOU CAN GET YOURSELF OUT
ROBERT WADE <STRA123@HOTMAIL.COM>
NEW YORK, NY USA - Monday, December 24, 2001 at 07:18:40 (EST)
I am the cousin of a heroin addict. Not only is she my cousin she is one of my best friends. We grew up in the same town is she wasn't at my house I was at her's. When we were about 15 we started experimenting with alcohol then it went on to marijauna. Now seven years later I still drink and she is hooked on one of the most deadly drugs known. We grew up in a town of 1800 people. We have a close knit family who are live very comfortably. She has lost almost all her friends money posessions from her drug abuse. She has been in and out of rehab 4 times. The last time I was very hopefull she had a good additude. She was attending meetings daily living in a recovery home away from our home town. The day she left the home she relapsed. We are very close and I would help her in any way but she has point blank told me "I Love heroin and I don't ever see myself being able to let it go" She has been arrested numerous times for deceptive practice. The last time she checked in to rehab she had 4500 dollars in bad checks out just for cash. I don't know what I can do to help her. I forwarded this web site to her hoping she will read it and see why we all worry so much about her. Thanks for the page I hope it helps many..
Brandon <goodm295@aol.com>
Lincoln, IL USA - Monday, December 24, 2001 at 03:48:50 (EST)
thank you for having the courage to share your story with everyone. i have seen the herion alert program twice while i was in high school, and i beleive that the program affected me for life. i can not begin to understand what you went through, but i want to say thank you for sharing your story, it has changed my life... all for the better. it is somethign that i have never forgoten and want to spend my life helping those fight addiction and depression, i can't listen to pink floyds wish you were here without crying. thank you once agin for sharing your story and making a big impact on my life... an hour presentation changed my life forver
laura <laura122@temple.edu>
media, pa USA - Monday, December 24, 2001 at 01:57:08 (EST)
Hi, My name is Brandon, I would like to say how very sorry I am for your loss. I have been strung on junk for almost three years,I am 17 years old And at first it was great, but then you realize that it has it's meat hooks in your guts and your stuck. My mother told me to come to this website. She told me that she is afraid that what happened to Erin will happen to me. A friend of mine died of an overdose and nobody found her for almost a week. because she was a run away. truth is I am scared. I can't stop. I can't function without it. the thought of detox scares me to death. but my mother and father have decided that I am going to go into rehab right after christmas. And I am going to cooperate. I love my family even though I don't show it to them, and I have doen nothing but use and abuse them. I want to get my life together. I want to choose life, Erin's story has helped me get the courage to go through it. I know it will be painful but, I fell fortunante that my parents care enough to get me help. You're in my prayers
Brandon <BlndAmbiton17@aol.com>
Visalia, Ca USA - Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 00:04:29 (EST)
I'm an 8th grade student dueing a project on Heroin and I was dueing research and I found your story and i'm deeping touched and I send my prayers to you and your family. I would like to thank you for sharing your story and making me realize to be thankful for what I have. I woulid like you to know that your family will be in my prayers.
Brittany <Brittwitt 14>
Tinley, Park, IL. USA - Saturday, December 22, 2001 at 13:05:33 (EST)
i am very sorry about your loss i know how hard it is to stop using heroin,i come from a good family,i went to college and had everything going for me until the first time i decided to try heroin it became my lover, my best friend my mother and now it is my worst enemy.i have been in and out of detoxes,rehabs,outpatients and i even went to a hard core long treatment program for a year,i always go back to it.its like it calls me and just waits silently until i am weak or feeling down and then i chase it.my family has not given up on me which is a miracle in itself after all i have put them through,lyin and stealing,manipulating them but i know eventually they will just give up and i would die if they did i am now 28 and for 9 years i have been trying to stop i dont feel like i am living but just existing,i believe in god and i know i wouldnt be heare if he wasnt watching over me.so many tragic things have happened to me since i picked up i know i shouldve been dead a long time ago.so i am trying again to get clean i am going in to rehab this week and i will make n.a. meetings when i get out god willing i will do it this time one day at a time.
s <divazoya@aol.com>
ny USA - Friday, December 21, 2001 at 12:59:35 (EST)
I only came here to get information for a homework assignment, but found some of the most depressing and yet powerful stories ever. I never used heroin and no noone who has, and almost feel guilty for taking up this space on the message board thing. I hope all you who are addicted can find help for good, and I want you all to know that your stories have had such and affect on me. So maybe now, if you read this, you will know that you helped someone. My point of breakdown was when I read the story of the guy who pimped out his own daughters for heroin -- then I started to cry. I'm so glad I found this sight, and thank you all again. Rest in Peace Erin~ ~a grateful reader
* <*>
*, * USA - Thursday, December 20, 2001 at 00:33:59 (EST)
lost my husband to herion,has got to be the ugliest way to lose a loved one. to watch them destroy everything that they once held so dear and not being able to do anything was so hard, because herion consumes them so completly, they convince themselves no one or nothing is as important as their new best friend, junk. i beleive god took mike because he knew mike was fighting a demon that he could'nt defeat. when he died he had nothing left but me and that was because i just would'nt go away, and he tried his damnest to make it happen, but in the end that damn monkey won. i will always love mike but will always hate the junkie, he stole more than mike's life. he took my future and the best part of me with him too kathy
nanna <albrat@msn.com>
decatur , il USA - Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 12:56:27 (EST)
i am so sorry to hear of your tragic story. i am the sister of an heroin addict and it is tearing me to pieces. i decided to look on the internet to find some sort of help for my brother i believe if i dont do this soon the devils drug is soon to take him. i dont feel that people understand especially because i lived in a well to do area people believe it is the families fault and the term "junkie" is a taboo subject which they believe is best to sweep under the carpet. my brother has been in detox 4 times and now lives on the streets on these cold nights i just dont know what to do i feel helpless. my mum can not afford to put him through another detox because in this area it costs £3000 for 5 days. all my sympthy to everybody especially families that has loved and lost due to this drug
laura
leeds, uk - Monday, December 17, 2001 at 07:35:30 (EST)
i am a recovering addict of heroin myself. i started doing it all to impress a man. i had no idea that it was going to take me where it did. its not that i went to jail or prostituted for it, it just took me to a place where i truly did not care about anything or anyone.i found myself asking what is the point of being alive.i didnt feel alive anymore. i came to a point where i was afraid to get clean and i was afraid to use. thank GOD that after my five day coma from an overdose i was more afraid to use. i have been sober since may 1998 and if it wasnot a 1000 % better way to live i wuold not be sober. i want you to know that the foundation of my life has become honesty and faith in GOD. with out these two things i can not stay sober today. i am so sorry that erin did not get to experience this way of life i can only believe that GOD needed her more then we did. may you please find comfort in the fact that her life was not a waste, her story seems to have helped people just like erin connect from all over this world. i know that i like erin will die an addict i just hope i die a recovering addict.I pray for all of us.
KATHY L <scissors2starband.net>
LAKE VILLA, ILL USA - Sunday, December 16, 2001 at 17:56:53 (EST)
i am a recovering addict of heroin myself. i started doing it all to impress a man. i had no idea that it was going to take me where it did. its not that i went to jail or prostituted for it, it just took me to a place where i truly did not care about anything or anyone.i found myself asking what is the point of being alive.i didnt feel alive anymore. i came to a point where i was afraid to get clean and i was afraid to use. thank GOD that after my five day coma from an overdose i was more afraid to use. i have been sober since may 1998 and if it wasnot a 1000 % better way to live i wuold not be sober. i want you to know that the foundation of my life has become honesty and faith in GOD. with out these two things i can not stay sober today. i am so sorry that erin did not get to experience this way of life i can only believe that GOD needed her more then we did. may you please find comfort in the fact that her life was not a waste, her story seems to have helped people just like erin connect from all over this world. i know that i like erin will die an addict i just hope i die a recovering addict.I pray for all of us.
KATHY L <scissors2starband.net>
LAKE VILLA, ILL USA - Sunday, December 16, 2001 at 17:43:37 (EST)
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am a recovering heroin and cocaine addict and by the grace of God have been sober for 8 years. I started using around the same age as Erin and a few years after was caught in the grasp of a heroin and crack cocaine addiction, an addiction that almost killed me. I over dosed one night in late 1993 after using cocaine and heroin and alchohol. I woke up in the hospital and came to the realization that I would die if I kept using, maybe even the next time I used. Thank God that was enough to keep me sober. Thanks to people like you that are willing to share your story I am able to stay clean one day at a time. Thanks and Happy Holidays.
Mark <mark@home.com>
Minneapolis, mn USA - Saturday, December 15, 2001 at 23:15:25 (EST)
Thank you for sharing your story during your time of grieving. I was born a heroin addicted baby, but THANK GOD every day that I am fine today!!! CONGRATULATIONS to the many that have decided to come clean and stay clean. To those who are struggling, I hope you wake up one day and realize and want the help you need. Get help today. Don't be afraid of others opinions, everyone makes mistakes, just don't make this one a fatal one. Anyone who ever wants to talk can email me anytime.
Jill <jill23-1@mediaone.net>
Manchester, NH USA - Saturday, December 15, 2001 at 00:01:42 (EST)
Losing Erin was a tragedy. We have to provide more opportunities for drug addicts to recover. Just recently Buprenex has been approved for detoxing from Heroin and other opiates. It allows the patient to stop taking heroin / opiates without withdrawal symptoms. No more excuses, "I can't stop, I'll get sick" Find out more on the search engines. Visit heroin-addict.com and learn about drugs and addiction. Ask questions and get answers. GOD BLESS ALL THE SUFFERING ADDICTS!
Rahjen Black <Recoveryguru@aol.com>
Detroi, MI USA - Friday, December 14, 2001 at 12:56:15 (EST)
AHHH STUPID PEOPLE YOU THINK DRUGS ARE COOOL THEY ANY STUPID ASS!
Killa <gohanssj3420@hotmail.com>
Minneapolis , MN USA - Friday, December 14, 2001 at 09:33:33 (EST)
I knew Erin a long time ago. She was a very important person to me. I started getting into trouble shortly after we meant then moved away so we laost touch. I have been incarcerated on and off over the last 5 years or so. All because of heroin. I didnt even know Erin had died until recently when I read something about it in the paper. I feel so bad. I know how heroin can destory ones life. Im clean now. Still facing time, but clean.Mrs. allen, if you happen to see this, please e-mail me. I would like very much to speak with you about Erin. Once again, my condolences. God bless.
Josh <randog379@aol.com>
newark, del USA - Thursday, December 13, 2001 at 14:25:08 (EST)
its me again. im sorry about your daughter. i can relate to it all the triggering feeling of getting your blood taken. tne planning of your furnal the running from help.your daughter was in relaps when the conslers went to see her. this is something they should of spotted.erin is at peace now but i know your pain is great.ill pray for her and your family.its a painful life that a junkie leads, people dont understand that has never lived it.i only pray and hope that i can escape this terrible awful nightmare.god bless your family and may he give you strength to deal with this. nancy
nancy c <blue1965@.com>
stafford, va USA - Thursday, December 13, 2001 at 05:51:18 (EST)
i am a 37 year old heroin addict.i live in my own personal hell every day.i have not only destroyed my life but my 2 daughters(17,12)my husbands my parents my husbands parents.i am not proud of this i am very ashamed of who i am.i am a thief a liar a crimnial a looser. i have been in detox over 40 times long term drug treatment 4 times.ive been to jail, prison to many times to count.every day i want to stop every day i use. ive been beat up robbed and have had a gun to my head more than once.i dont want to die a junkie i beleive in god and know that he has been with me through this other wise i wouldnt be alive. for whatever reasons this has happened to me i dont know.i beleive that everything that has happened to me needed to happen for me to want to stop.on november5th i o.d ed when i came out of it i beat my 17 year old daughter up.she has always been a good kid.i dont remember any of it i was in a heroin and zanax blackout. i am very ashamed of it. on december17 i will start searving a one year sentence in the county jail for an old charge.when i come out i prey to god that he gives me the strength to remaine clean and sober. i dont want to live like this anymore.i would rather die than go on liveing like i have. it has taken everything from me or should i say ive given my addication everything.im scard because i dont even know who i once was how do i go back to being a normal person once im clean.ive been doing this for 12 years and dont know how to act once im clean. i know god will guide me but im still scared what if i cant do it. i cant bear to go on any longer like this. i live in sheer hell but yet i cant escape the needle. im counting on this jail time and another program. whats gonna be diffrent this time. i dont know......im scared so now little man youve grown tierd of grass lsd acid cocaine and hash.and someone pretending to be your true friend said let me introduce you to miss heroine.well honey before you start fooling with mejust let me inform you of how it will be.for i will seduce you and make you my slave. ive sent men much stronger than you to there grave.you think you could never become a disgrace and ended up addicted to poppyseed waste.so soon youll start inhaleing me one afternoon and take me into your arms very soon.and once that i have entered deep down in your veins the craveing will nearly drive you insane.youll need lots of money as you have been told. for darling im much more expensive than gold.youll swindle your mother and just for a buck youll turn into something vile and corrupt.youll mug and youllsteal for my narcotic charm,and only find contentment when im in your arm.the day that you relize the monster youve grown, youll solomnly promise to leave me alone.if you think that youve got the mystical knack,then sweetie just try getting me off your back.youll vomit, the cramps, you get tied in a knot.the jangling nerves screaming for just one more shot.the hot chills the cold sweats, the withdrawl of pain,can only be cured by my tiny white graines.theres no other way and theres no need to look,for deep down inside you will know that your hooked.youll desperatly run to the pusher and then,youll welcome me back into your arms again.and when you return just as i have foretold. i know that youll give me your body and soul.youll give up your morals,your concience your heart.and you will be mine TILL DEATH DO US PART. AUTHOR UNKNOWN. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO CONTEND WITH NOW YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY IM SCARED. nancy
nancy c <blue1965@.com>
stafford, va USA - Thursday, December 13, 2001 at 05:00:18 (EST)
That Dr. Lance Goberman may sound like a miracle worker, but I've also heard horror stories on the street about people who O.D. with the implant, and even one kid told me he cut the implant out himself....had the mess to prove it. All along Philly this Doctor has huge billboards announcing his help. Hopefully it does help some, but it sounds too good to be true. Rest in peace Erin.
Wren
Philly, PA USA - Wednesday, December 12, 2001 at 13:32:19 (EST)
Possible Treatment and Cure: Dr. Lance Gooberman, 1 South Centre Street, Merchantville, NJ 08109-2213, Phone 1-856-663-4447 Naltrexon implant - given outpatient. Lasts two months. Keeps heroin from working. Patient does not get 'high' .. Helps get the addiction under control. Keep in mind EVEN THOUGH THE HEROIN DOES NOT GET YOU HIGH - THE HEROIN IS STILL 'TOXIC' AND CAN KILL YOU IF YOU TAKE A LETHAL (HIGH DOSE) DOSE OF HEROIN TO TRY TO OVER-RIDE THE NALTREXONE - WHICH CAN'T BE DONE - EVEN IF YOU TRY. It's a good start for people who want to get clean. You need to work a program with the implant (NA/AA). Price is $400.00, first visit - $375.00 on next visits. You must be clean 8 days to receive the implant. You must pay cash - and try to get reimbursed by your insurance company. Try not to replace one addiction/drug with another - such as alcohol or pain killers - etc. - when the heroin no longer works .. Good luck to all - God bless you with peace and healing - A very Merry Christmas, Hanukah, and New (LIFE) Year!!
Kitty <mkt_sys@yahoo.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Wednesday, December 12, 2001 at 10:13:39 (EST)
when i read erin's story it broked my heart. it made me weap and want to cry. her life just brings back to my head all those out there that soon will die of an overdose of some kind of drug. i'm only fifteen and i think to myself how much i hurt others specially the ones that love me, when i'm doing what i'm not suppose to.i read this story almost everyday and i share it with every new person i met to remind them and remind myself that heroin is something we don't want to mess with, drugs destroy our familis too, that is something i've realized. i love to know more about her life. and to tell you that i don't know your family or the pain this caused but the massege you're giving is great and it touches many peoples hearts just like mine. love, kimberley rodriguez
kimberley rodriguez <arls1124@aol.com>
el paso, tx USA - Tuesday, December 11, 2001 at 18:44:52 (EST)
...my desire to get high has driven me to sticking needles in my arms... i was at a party once when someone said, who wants to try heroin. i rolled up my sleeve and said i do. wow... i then started pimping my daughters to get money to get high... then to keep them in line, i hooked them too. my old lady hit the roof, threatened to call the cops, then i got her high. she has been under heroin's spell ever since... i feel bad for your family, since i know how i would feel if i lost one of my girls, not to mention the lost income... heroin is truly the devils flower, i know i would not do these things if i wasn't hooked... now i love pushing the needle in almost as much as heroin itself.
ken fahrens <kent66@hotmail.com>
columbus, oh USA - Tuesday, December 11, 2001 at 15:14:35 (EST)
i think you guys should all stop whining because we're all going to die anyways and we're all dork pieces of poop that walk
you guys are lame <karlsemelis@toughguy.net>
circle pines, mn USA - Monday, December 10, 2001 at 10:07:17 (EST)
I am the same person who wrote the one below this the poem is supposed to say longing for you and also if there is anyone who can offer real and safe and helpful advice on how to cope please email me...
MANDIE GLIDDEN <mandfrg@yahoo.com>
Tempe, AZ USA - Monday, December 10, 2001 at 02:10:27 (EST)
i just sat here reading and crying reading and crying for over an hour... not only for erin but also for the anonymous woman whose husband she lost to heroin I can say that "Totallykind@aol.com"'s story also could have had my name on it with some slight alterations. my husband did not have AIDS. he didnt live long enough to get it. he died at 28 from a heroin overdose, i am like shocked and not shocked at the same time. i knew he had done it but i didnt think he was still doing it it turns out that the entire time we were together he was doing it and lying to me. it really hurts. i am left a widow at 21 years old...my life feels like it is over right now i cant eat sleep or think properly. because of his choice. he had such a bright future and so much ptential he could be so nice but also be an animal is that common of heroin users i will never forget seeing him there on life support in the hospital that sucked! we pulled the breathing tube and just waited for his little vein to stop the longest 8 minutes of my life! i kissed his cold forehead at the funeral and my heart has been broken since that moment never to be repaired.this is a poem i scribbled down in the hospital that night! THE HURT THE ANGUISH THE GUILT THE FEAR THE ONGING FOR YOU TO ALWAYS BE NEAAR THE LOVE THE PAIN AND THE WORDS YOU SAID THEY RACE AND FIGHT INSIDE MY HEAD I LOVE YOU JOSH AND ALWAYS WILL PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOURE HERE WITH ME STILL!
Mandie Glidden <mandfrg@yahoo.com>
Tempe, AZ USA - Monday, December 10, 2001 at 02:06:41 (EST)
i too found heroin in maryland and ten years later i too fight the addiction daily! i am sorry for your loss! until more people take the time to bring the victims of addiction to the forefront this war on drugs waged by america will keep stealing innocent lives like your daughters! we need understanding and respect in addiction it is a disease not a choice i am sure youre daughter no more chose to be a junkie than i did yet here we are together in this pain I am sorry
bryan fowler <bdfowl420>
b-more, md USA - Saturday, December 08, 2001 at 21:00:56 (EST)
hi, iam very sorry for the loss of your daughter.your family reminds me of me and my family. i am 23 and have almost 6 months clean. it has been so hard. i am very cllose with my mom, and dad. your story has touched me deep inside. my parents didnt know i used heroin for the first 2 1/2 years of my addiction. my older brother, and fiancee was also hooked on it, but they knew and were struggling with them. i took off for a month without no contact at all with them. they had suspected me of using but i became the best liar, and manipulter that i had convinced them i was not using. istarted sniffing it, and one day my fiancee suggested we shoot it, and of course it was only going to be a one time thing. yeah right. i didnt want to sniff it at all after that. but it got so bad that when i finally was found after a month i had lost so much weight i went from 195 lbs to about 130. and then they realized i had a problem. so i finally broke down and told them. they have stuck by me through 28 day rehab and from there i went to a transitional house . now im back home, and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about heroin. it made me a totally different person. i stole lied cheated and conivied anyone i could to get money to support my addiction. its like you haveno control at all and youll go to any length no matter what the conciquences. you have no control of the way you think, or act, it takes over your mind completely. i just want you to know you did everything you could. you cant help someone who dosent truely want it. i just hope i can do, but your story gives me alot of hope and strength. i am truely sorry for your families loss. you are not alone in this struggle. anyone can email me mbutterflylynn@aol.com thank you for sharing your story, and giving me the strength to fight this disease.
michelle <mbutterflylynn@aol.com>
baltimore, md USA - Thursday, December 06, 2001 at 23:36:52 (EST)
hi its marc again.i have here a song that i wrote and in erins name i would like to share some of it with you. LIKE A FALLING STAR IVE LOST THE FIRE DESCENDING EVERMORE INTO A WORLD OF DESPARE. ONCE I SHINED SO BRIGHTLY,LIGHTING UP MY WORLD ILLUMINATIONS FADING AND SO IS TIME. JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE REASON TO TRY AGAIN. IS THERE SOMETHING MORE OR AM I ALL IVE BEEN. TEARING APPART MY SOUL,IS THERE TIME FOR HEALING. IN THE END I AM JUST LEFT FEELING....... thank you for sharing your pain with all of us.erin is now a fixure in my heart as well as all of the people that are struggling.i love all of you.
marc hebert
lafayette, la USA - Thursday, December 06, 2001 at 15:32:36 (EST)
my heart goes out to you and your daughter.i know how your daughter felt because i battle addictions on a daily basis and its rough but you try to manage it.if only there would be a feeling of content instead of a feeling that theres a hole.you are in my prayers and she is in gods arms.
marc hebert
lafayette, la. USA - Thursday, December 06, 2001 at 14:30:22 (EST)
My younger brother committed suicide almost a month ago after 2 and a half hellish years of drug addiction. He too had a very happy childhood and a family that loved him, however his death and the years of utter turmoil that led up to it has left that family in devastation. He had two parents who refused to give up on him though the severe personality problems which Heroin subjected him to made lfe with him an utter nightmare. Unfortunately in Ireland there is a seroius drug crisis and little or no facilities available for those who need help. Treatment came too late. His death is a tragedy which we will never recover from, but it is a comfort to know that we are not alone and we intend to fight against the drug crisis which prevails here in Ireland killing our loved ones. Thank you for this website I am glad to have happened upon it.
maria <absolutelysweetmaria|@yahoo.com>
Dublin, Ireland - Wednesday, December 05, 2001 at 15:09:19 (EST)
hi my name is bernadette and i would like you to know how sorry i'am about your daughter i to have lost a cousin from herion and my very good friend from cocaine its a terriable loss you must be feeling they say thats the hardest is the loss of a child i wish i had a magic wand to take away your pain. i hope your daughter has found her peace and is singing with the angels as am sure she is. god bless you bernadette
bernadette caputo <bernie831@webtv.net>
hickory hills, il USA - Tuesday, December 04, 2001 at 01:28:53 (EST)
hi, my name is ashley im 15, i have a cousin who is 22 she started out innocently enough by drinking but before u knew she was shooting up she would spend up to $300 a day shes. been in and out of rehabs and now shes been clean for a few months. but every time shes clean she goes back and does it again shes not strong i know shes gonna do it i hope to god she doesnt we dont really get a long much i think its the age difference. but if she only knew how much i care for her and love her. im just scared that when she does go back and do it she ll die. my cousin anthony and his friend were found in his bed room dead the both did a speedball together at the same time and died. he was 34 and his friend was 32. my mother took it very hard they were like brother and sister. heroin is a very hard drug to stop on cause my mother used to do it, but when she had us were fine she thanks god she stopped she, said unthinkable thoughts run through ur mind to get the money up to get what ya need i just hope she stoppes for good if anything happens to her my family will be torn apart. she was pregnat but lost it cause she was nt able to carry it cause her insides r messed up she lost some of her hair it is thinning out but it makes me feel better getting to talk to some one. sincerly, ashley phillips
ashley phillips <www.youngthang@hotmail.com>
somerdale, nj USA - Tuesday, November 27, 2001 at 09:07:12 (EST)
I was helping my daughter research a paper on heroin usage and found your site, I sat here and read the story of your daughter with tears rolling down my face and my heart aching...for you and the pain you must live with everyday...for her and the pain she also had to live with everyday...I cannot find the words to express just how this saddens me, just know that my prayers are with you.
Fawn <rogerme123@earthlink.net>
AR USA - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 14:41:37 (EST)
Thank you for sharing your information with me. Presently, my family & I are dealing with my brother's addiction to heroin. It's a new problem that has been tearing us apart. He's still in denial and has been slowly feeling the impact, i.e. getting arrested, lying, stealing, etc. He's only 18 and has already been in a rehab program. We thought that with our strength and love, he'd be able to fight this demon - but he has not. I am scared because I don't want to lose my baby brother. I have seen so many freinds mess up their lives, but I never thought it would hit home. We will not give up, but I admit that there have been times that I wanted to. Doesn't he see what he is doing to the family? The heart-ache he is causing??? I don't think he even wants to stop. Every time I go home for the holidays I pray that I will not find evidence and his eyes will be normal....but he always lets us down. Help.
Corinne <ckalbacher@hotmail.com>
N ew York, NY USA - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 12:44:26 (EST)
I stumbled upon this website, and it had a profound effect on me, as I'm sure it has on many others. Reading everyone's story, whether the saga was about themselves, their children or significant other.s....the hurt and pain that heroin causes all of us, the user and the loved ones... is incalculable. My sympathies to all who have lost someone to heroin or any other drug. My husband is still alive, recently entered a rehab for the sixth or seventh time. He was clean for 17 months, but the last year has been sniffing dope again, and it has become hell. When I finally had enough and couldn't give him any more chances, he agreed to try rehab. We can only pray that he will find the strength to stay clean this time.
Doren <elbarcs@hotmail.com>
NJ USA - Saturday, November 24, 2001 at 15:32:56 (EST)
I just found out that my highschool sweetheart(my very best friend) is struggling with heroin addiction. He doesn't know that I know and I have yet to talk to him. He is going to college about 1500 miles away from me and recently came home for the holidays, I have tralked to him on the phone and will see him today. It just didn't sound like him on the phone, he sounded so distant and not all there, I don't really know how to feel about the whole thing, I have so many mixed emotions, I would give up my own life if I could save his, I love him so much. I am angry and hurt and also feel betrayed how I don't know? He is the kindest warmest person I know and I am so very worried. How can I help him? abby
abby <lora_42@yahoo.com>
WI USA - Friday, November 23, 2001 at 11:23:24 (EST)
Casey David Turner The Daily Herald on Tuesday, November 06 Casey David Turner, 21, of South Jordan, passed away November 3, 2001. He was born June 4, 1980 in American Fork, Utah to David Leo and Deborah Spencer Turner. Casey grew up in Orem and attended Mountain View High School. Following high school Casey became a member of the Iron Workers Local 27 and worked there until the time of his death. Casey loved his job and his co-workers and was well respected in his field. Casey loved the outdoors: especially rock climbing and camping. He enjoyed being fit and active by running and mountain biking. He is survived by his mother Deborah Reno (Steven) of South Jordan; his father David (Eileen) Turner of Pleasant Grove; his brother, Dan (Brandilyn) Turner of Murray; his sister, Chanell May and his brothers, Landon & Austin May all of South Jordan. Additional survivors include his grandparents: Leo & Cleone Turner of Alpine and his grandfather D. Blake Spencer of Lindon. He was preceded in death by his grandmother, Daryhl H. Spencer. Graveside services will be held Thursday, November 8, 2001 at 11:00 a.m. in the Pleasant Grove City Cemetery. Friends may call Wednesday evening from 6-8 p.m. at Olpin Family Mortuary, 494 South 300 East, Pleasant Grove. This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page A7. The Daily Herald on Tuesday, November 06 Casey David Turner, 21, of South Jordan, passed away November 3, 2001. He was born June 4, 1980 in American Fork, Utah to David Leo and Deborah Spencer Turner. Casey grew up in Orem and attended Mountain View High School. Following high school Casey became a member of the Iron Workers Local 27 and worked there until the time of his death. Casey loved his job and his co-workers and was well respected in his field. Casey loved the outdoors: especially rock climbing and camping. He enjoyed being fit and active by running and mountain biking. He is survived by his mother Deborah Reno (Steven) of South Jordan; his father David (Eileen) Turner of Pleasant Grove; his brother, Dan (Brandilyn) Turner of Murray; his sister, Chanell May and his brothers, Landon & Austin May all of South Jordan. Additional survivors include his grandparents: Leo & Cleone Turner of Alpine and his grandfather D. Blake Spencer of Lindon. He was preceded in death by his grandmother, Daryhl H. Spencer. Graveside services will be held Thursday, November 8, 2001 at 11:00 a.m. in the Pleasant Grove City Cemetery. Friends may call Wednesday evening from 6-8 p.m. at Olpin Family Mortuary, 494 South 300 East, Pleasant Grove. This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page A7. For apicture of Casey please visit ------(harktheherald.com)obituaries November 6th ENOUGH SAID, His mother Deborah If you think you can control this alone, you will soon meet my 165 pound bodybuilding giant in heaven and discover that you can NOT!!!!!!! We miss you Casey, Your Mother Deborah
Deborah Reno <deborah.reno@msn.com>
South Jordan, utah USA - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 22:45:51 (EST)
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I just loss my little brother from herion overdose. I loss both of my parents and this loss does not compare. He was to younger and smart. He had his whole life ahead of him. I dont understand. I really dont know how to deal with his death. I think about him everyday. My heart goes out to him. How do you deal with the death of your daughter? My brother was like my son. I raised him when he was small. He was a big part of my families, which makes it alot more difficult. If you have any advise on how to deal with the difficulty of my brothers death, I would appreciate it. Thanks and Bless you and your family, June
june <juneplante@cs.com>
tampa, fl USA - Saturday, November 17, 2001 at 15:34:44 (EST)
I am very sorry that Erin's story didn't have a happy ending. I am always dreading a call to tell me that one of my close friends has died of a heroin overdose. My mum found out on tuesday that I have been using heroin for about a year. I am at her house now trying to stay clean. It is really hard because you feel so isolated and lonely to be away from other users. My boyfriend is now on the streets and I worry about him all the time, but only he can help himself. Love to all of Erins family and anyone else who is battling with addiction.
Loz
cheltenham, england - Friday, November 16, 2001 at 10:10:03 (EST)
I understand how you feel. I lost my boy 3 years ago to a heroin overdose. His life story was similar to your daughter's. Please think of me as I think of you. I believe our children are here with us, but it's certainly not the same, is it? Take Care, Diana Rae-Arthur
Diana Rae-Arthur <rainwalker53@hotmail.com>
Duncan, BC Canada - Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 23:16:46 (EST)
I grew uo in Dover Delaware and spent a lot of time on the roads between md and del. I remember being in Elkton many times. I have a picture of myself and my sister in the town square,I am sorry for the loss of your daughter and sorry for the epidemic of drug addiction that is awash in our country. I have been in recovery fourteen years and would have like to see your daughter be able to make it there too.
dave smith <dsmith481@home .com>
phx, az USA - Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 16:43:57 (EST)
First I would like to say that I am sorry to Erin's family for the loss of thier daughter and would like to thank them for turning their pain and suffering into something positive in making this website. I am twenty years old and I have been battling a heroin addiction for a little over two years now. The past two years are all a blur of pills, ecstacy, cocaine, crack and my favorite drug heroin. Over the past summer my life took a frightening turn for the worse. My parents couldn't deal with me anymore so they kicked me out of the house. At this time they thought I had been clean from doing H for at least a year. So I got kicked out and stayed with an aunt for a while.I then began dating an ex-boyfriend of mine who I had gotten to try heroin for his first time when we had dated in the past. When I started dating him the second time he was selling H so he was always hooking me up for free. I either have or think I have a high tolerance to H and could always do way more bags than any of my "friends". My boyfriend at the time knowing this said to me one day "You'll never get as high as you used to". So he suggested that we call one of our "friends" to come over and shoot us up. So we did and I loved it more than I ever thought I would. A few weeks later I shot coke for my first time and loved that too. Weeks after me and the boyfriend moved into a house with a few "friends". Just weeks after that I woke up early one morning in the backseat of a "friends" car on my way to the hospital from a cocaine overdose. After that I looked to my parents for some help and moved back in their house not telling them of my overdose until just recently. One night a few weeks ago I had got into a fight with my mother and left the house. Two minutes from my parents house I'm on a payphone trying to get picked up when in pulls my father and asks me to get in and come over to the house a minute my mother wants to talk to me. When I walked through the door of my parents house sitting on the computer desk is a needle of mine and a few empty bags. I wanted to die. That was the most embarrassing and shameful moment of my life. My mother cried for days and days after that night. My parents made a deal with me that I could either get help or they were giving what they had found to the police. My decision... get help. I go to an out-patient rehab facility in six days. I've cut back on my dope use to shooting 8-12 bags a say to only 1-3 bags a day. A day without H is a very painful day to an addict. Myself being a junkie I can tell you it's not a fun way to be. I love my needle and I love H but I'm tired of being sick and am glad that my parents found what they did. Now I face some scary things like getting tested for diseases, going to rehab, and most importantly facing the facts that most heroin addicts don't make it. So where do I go from here? I go to rehab and be strong and hope and pray that I'm one of the few that makes it! For everyone asking how to help someone they love here's my advice: the best way to help someone is to educate yourself, to use the resources available to you, and try not to get mad just try to be there for them. Anyone can feel free to send me an e-mail. Best wishes for all of us!
Jaime <hillvegas@yahoo.com>
VT USA - Friday, November 09, 2001 at 04:51:54 (EST)
I'm very sorry for your loss, it seems like you did everything you could. Thank you for sharing your story and pain.
P. Deaton
Los Angeles, CA USA - Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 20:26:21 (EST)
I would ask of addict, who, please, supplies this stuff? Reward for clear unambiguous answer? Nice big hit of H/Smack! Go forth and find supplier. Abduct. Turn video camera on. Enquire politely of supplier as to where supplies come from and through. No answer? Addict supplier with H/Smack without mercy. Dangle the drug and ask again. Locate higher wholesale supplier/importer. Capture and/or inform authorities/media + internet + me with video evidence. Jail for life without parole for big-time heroin dealers. Begin clean up with recipe above internationally. Also necessary to make life livable for people in 'normal' life. Heroin is fastest [temporary] ticket out of this complete shite. Fault lies with politicians and [hidden] banker puppetmasters being uncaring for ordinary people. Politician protected **moneylenders [at interest]** steal the future from us all, making us do stupid things in this life that was meant for all of us to enjoy and fulfil ourselves. We have paradise but the drug dealers, politicians, and bankers have turned it into Hell. I mourn for your child. When will we wake up? From a non-addict, except for tobacco and alcohol and caffeine, highstyle and bigtime. Another fast and dismal route to the grave but I'm as hooked as they come. Legally.
John <jthomas@cornwall-county.com>
Truro, Cornwall England - Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 18:48:33 (EST)
Your story brought back painful memories and tears. I was married with a beautiful and loving man, that had endured tremendous pain and abuse as a child, and the skeletons of that pain were too intense, thus he found the "mecidine" to numb that pain....but the "medicine"brought more pain and eventually killed him. I discovered he used H by pure coincidence, he had forgotten to hide the siringe and left it in clear site after he shut-up. I confronted him right away, and at first he denided.. but eventually he confessed to the truth. I would look at him, and see the pain.. the HELL he was in, day in and day out. He stole from me, our families and friends, in order to get H, it was never enought to numb the pain. He would take rides to NYC daily to buy his "Medicine". Many times he came home bruised. I was so ingorant about addictions at that time, I really thought that if he loved me enough, he could stop at any time. It took a long time for me to learn about Addictions. We were broke most of the time, all the money went for his H. I cried, pleaded, prayed, screamed, left... nothing changed...many promises not kept. I was 7 months pregnant with our first child, and I heard from his friends that he was in a shooting gallery in the city. I took the train to NYC, and walked to all the shooting galleries. I stumpted on people on the floor...to high to notice me. I observed people shooting dope....one of them in his penis..some of them between their toes...I was in pain... the pain to know that the man I so much loved, was there somewhere..and I needed to rescue him. The niddles used where placed in a basket, new comers would pay .50cents for that used niddle...and shut up the H. I went home exausted physically, morally, and mentally. My love for him was not enough!! He decided to go to detox/rehab. Came back clean..3 weeks later was using H much more than before. Another rehab, 1 day... he ran away...promises...promises...He went to the methadone clinic...and now he was using methadone and H. One day, he got so sick that I had to take him to a hospital...after few tests...I got the bad news. AIDS!!! I remember screaming so hard and whealing...the pain was too immense for me to take. I pray and pleaded with God... Our children and myself were tested several times.. A MIRACLE..we are negative...spared from this cruel desease. My husband died at 33 years old, 5 months after he enterd the hospital... the man I so much loved, so handsome...so beautiful..was gone..Another painful moment was when I needed to find a funeral home....when they heard the words AIDS....the doors were shut. My pain was so immense... my anger...I finally found a funeral home that would do the service...My husband favorite song was "Bad Company", and he sang that 3 days before he died. Its been 14 years since he has gone HOME, and God has embraced him. No more suffering ... no more pain....I would never forget his pain and his struggles. Blessings to all, and peace
Anonimus <Totallykind@aol.com>
Upstate, NY USA - Wednesday, November 07, 2001 at 12:18:00 (EST)
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine the pain your family must feel. My brother is addicted to heroin, and your daughters story really hit home!!!! I keep thinking he's going to be okay eventually, I know he has to really want to be clean, but when does it happen? How can people do this? I am a recovering addict myself (cocaine) and I can't imagine ever having to fight so hard to be clean. But that is because heroin is the EVIL of all EVILS!!! The weapon of the devil. I wish there were more answers, but there aren't. Your family will be in my prayers, and I hope I in yours. God Bless You! Val <><
Val Williams <choznwon@core.com>
Oscoda, MI USA - Tuesday, November 06, 2001 at 19:46:46 (EST)
I would like to say how very sorry I am for your loss. I haven't lost anyone yet to heroin, but my sister and ex-boyfriend are addicts to this drug. They haven't died phsyically but to me the person they were before has died. It is so much more easier to say you can quit then to actually do it. I've tried to be there for both of them, but you can only do so much. I wish that I could know what would make it go away. unfortunately it never will. I love my sister to death and i will always love my ex, but they aren't the only one's hurting. Every family that has an addict, that family suffers too. And they will always suffer because, as my sister says, "Once and addict, always an addict." I wish that weren't so. But again, I am very sorry for your loss. If you would ever like to talk you have my e-mail address. And maybe we could go to classes together since I live about 20 min. away from you. Sincerely Yours, Julie H.
Julie <Julzbleu@aol.com>
DE USA - Tuesday, November 06, 2001 at 19:04:35 (EST)
I NEED YOUR HELP.I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS I DO KNOW HOW IT FEELS I HAVE LOST MANY FRIENDS TO THIS (DEMON) THIS GOD AWFUL DRUG THAT TURNS WHAT WAS PURE TRUE AND HONEST INTO THIS DISGUSTING LYING CHAET THAT WOULD SELL THEIR SOUL OR SOMEONE ELSES IF IT MEANT GETTING HIGH AGAIN. MY BROTHER WHO WAS ONCE SO PROMISING HAS ENTERED TO THIS DARK UNDERWORLD OF HERION IT STARTED OFF AS DIPPING INTO IT THAN HE REALIZED THAT IT HAD A HOLD ON HIM SO HE WENT TO EUROPE TO GET AWAY AND THERE HE WAS FINE. HE MADE A CALL BACK TO HIS BUDDY BECAUSE HE JUST LOST HIS BEST FRIEND TO A OVERDOSE BACK HOME SO HE WANTED TO COME BACK TO MOURN. HE ASKED HIS FRIEND IS EVERYONE THE SHIT HIS BUDDY OBVIOUSLY LIED CAUSE HE WANTED SOMEONE TO GO DOWN THE TUBES WITH HIM SO MY BROTHER CAME BACK SND GUESS WHO HE LIVED WITH OH YES THE GUY THAT LIED TO HIM SO IT STARTED THE LYING THE CHEATING THE REHABS THE STEALING AND NOW GUESS WHERE MY BROTHER IS HE IS LIVING IN A DAMN ALLEY WAY PLEASE ANYONE THAT KNOWS HOW TO HELP ME HELP MY BROTHER PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME I DONT WANT TO LOSE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND MY DAUGHTER DESERVES TO HAVE HER UNCLE IN HER LIFE THE ONE I LOVED GROWING UP WITH PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING THAT MAY HELP ME PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW.. AGAIN I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS I DONT THINK I COULD GO THROUGH WHAT YOU HAVE. GOD BLESS YOU...
ASHLEY <ACF1976@HOTMAIL.COM>
S.SURREY, BC CANADA - Tuesday, November 06, 2001 at 00:23:22 (EST)
I would like to send my deepest concolences to you and your family. I lost my best friend to Heroin. He was a wonderful person, very talented, beautiful wife and she gave him two awsome children. I think what I miss the most is his smile and to hear him sing. I have no doubt one day I will receive a phone call from his daughter to come hear her sing. I just pray every day by that heroin will never play a role any where else in her life. Her big brother will be there to look out for her. Mark also felt he had sold his soul and he said he would take it back. He committed suicide I guess he thought that would end the pain himself and everyone else. Well for anyone who ever feels they would make things easier if they wern't here. No Way the pain just begins. The fact of dealing with that loss is worst than any suffering you go through trying to help them get clean. I have watched his family go through so much. His wife and children try to go on, his mother is a God Send. I don't know how she holds it together, but I am greatful she does. His sister committed suicide after his death. She never did drugs, she just couldn't bear the pain of losing her Dad and brother too. After that his mom lost her second husband to Cancer. Something to remember that helps me when I miss my friends. "For all you do and everyone you look out for in a time of need God watches over you" "If that person you cared for goes before you they get to return the favor and watch over you" "I thank God every day for giving me the best guardian angel's I could have ever had"
Denise Madden <dmadden@kccsde.org>
Dover, De USA - Thursday, November 01, 2001 at 11:14:57 (EST)
Dearest Marie, I would first just like to send my condolences to you and your family. I know exactly what you are going through, for I,myself,am a recovering addict. I started using drugs and alcohol at a very young age also. Probably about 12 or 13 years old. I've used everything from marijuana to cocaine to heroin,etc. My main drug was crack. I starting smoking crack when i was 17. I also snorted heroin for approx. a year. My God, it was horrible. I also was in about 7 or 8 rehabs, and in and out of jail for various things,all to no avail. The drugs were too powerful. I always ended up going back. Until, my mother had me incarcerated right before my 21st. birthday.That was one of the best things she has ever done for me. I was locked up for approx. 2 years. More than enough time for me to get my head on straight. I have not used drugs since then, I am now 32years old so I've been drug free for over 10 years. I was so touched by your daughters story.And it really hits home,because that could be me. Actually, i envy Erin, because she is in a better place now. No hurt,no pain,just peace.My years of drug use has cause severe depression. And the abuse i put my body through caused me to have a hysterectomy at the age of 27.I have to live with the fact every day that i cannot have children because of my drug abuse. Im now trying to figure out how to get myself out of this depression. I guess im gonna have to get professional help. Anyway, just know that you are not alone. There are people that know exactly what you are going through. And if you ever need to talk i will be here. I am online and check my emails frequently. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Sincerely, Ghettogirll
Dee <ghettogirlld@yahoo.com>
Taylor, Mi USA - Thursday, November 01, 2001 at 00:00:42 (EST)
I had a dear friend die recently, of cocaine overdose. I cannot even imagine how it would feel to lose your child to these addictions. My heart goes out to you. Be strong and know your love was a ray of sunshine in her life. All the best to you. May God grant her the peace and joy she desperately needed.
O.
Atlanta, GA USA - Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 14:58:24 (EST)
Sorry... I wrote the wrong address!!! SORRY! I hope god is looking about your daughter!!! Again... GOD BLESS YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER (in heaven)! Your Jo
Joanne <sugar.babe007@gmx.de>
Frankfurt, HEssen Germany - Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 08:31:59 (EST)
I wrote the wrong address before... sorry!!! Again... GOD BLESS YOU!!! And I hope he looks about your daughter!!!
Joanne <sugar.babe007@gmx.de>
Near Frankfurt, Hessen Germany - Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 08:29:02 (EST)
Dear Aren's Mum! This terrible story about your daughter... I can't say anything... I'm very sad, poor Aren... She was a pretty girl... and she was too young... she died too early... God bless you! Your Jo
Joanne <sugar.babe007@gmx.de>
Washington, WDC USA - Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 08:25:47 (EST)
GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!
Step and Sabby <step155@hotmail.com>
Washington, WDC USA - Monday, October 29, 2001 at 06:29:01 (EST)
Dear parents! If we read this terrible story, we were shocked. Your daughter was a very pretty girl and she was a very interresting girl. We are so sad, that we aren't able to put this in right words. Your Step and Sabby
Step and Sabby <step155@hotmail.com>
Washington, Washington DC USA - Monday, October 29, 2001 at 06:26:41 (EST)
First of all, I want to extend my deepest sympathy to you for the tragic loss of your daughter to this insideous drug. Also, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your moving and powerful presentation at the correctional facility where I am a substance abuse counselor. I am new to counseling and regretably underinformed about heroin and how overwhelmingly difficult it is to quit using. I have an alarming number of clients who are heroin addicts and God bless you for sharing your story and Erin's story with us. I know they were all deeply touched and you have made a lasting impression on them. I was so moved by your presentation that I was left incapable of speech for some time. Thank you again for your strength and for taking the time to share your painful experience.
Kim <kimekaze@hotmail.com>
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, October 25, 2001 at 23:00:28 (EDT)
HI I'M NEED TO ALL THIS. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND IS SNORING HERION. MY LIFE HAVE CHANGE. I PUT HIM IN REHAB FOR A WEEK. HE STATED THAT HE'S ONLY BEEN USING FOR 6 WEEKS. I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS HOPE FOR HIM IN OUR FAMILY. WHEN HE GOT OUT HE GAVE ME THE ATM CARD AND PROMISE TO STOP USING. BUT HE WENT INTO MY PURSE AND STOLE THE CARD AND BROUHT MORE DRUGS. I TOLD HIM HE HAD HE HAD TO GO! I DON'T HAVE THE ENGERY OF TIME TO HANDLE THIS,BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IN SIDE I KNOW THAT I CAN'T HELP HIM AND THIS WILL GO ON AND ON AND I'M NOT WILL TO TAKE THE RIDE. WHAT SHOULD I DO? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.
Serena Locke <srnlocke@aol.com>
chicago, IL USA - Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 23:31:56 (EDT)
HI I'M NEED TO ALL THIS. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND IS SNORING HERION. MY LIFE HAVE CHANGE. I PUT HIM IN REHAB FOR A WEEK. HE STATED THAT HE'S ONLY BEEN USING FOR 6 WEEKS. I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS HOPE FOR HIM IN OUR FAMILY. WHEN HE GOT OUT HE GAVE ME THE ATM CARD AND PROMISE TO STOP USING. BUT HE WENT INTO MY PURSE AND STOLE THE CARD AND BROUHT MORE DRUGS. I TOLD HIM HE HAD HE HAD TO GO! I DON'T HAVE THE ENGERY OF TIME TO HANDLE THIS,BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IN SIDE I KNOW THAT I CAN'T HELP HIM AND THIS WILL GO ON AND ON AND I'M NOT WILL TO TAKE THE RIDE. WHAT SHOULD I DO? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.
Serena Locke <srnlocke@aol.com>
chicago, IL USA - Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 23:31:48 (EDT)
Need lots of info on herion addictions
Patrick Locke <redcloud67@aol.com>
Chicago, Il USA - Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 23:23:20 (EDT)
I am very saddened by the death of your daughter. For over six years I worked as a counselor with ajudicated teens here in Massachusetts. erins story unfortnetly is very familiar. God bless you.
L.M.
MA USA - Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 11:05:13 (EDT)
I offer my sorrow to you over the loss of Erin. My now exboyfriend is also living Erin's story, word for word. He was also in the Crest center for Heroin, etc addiction, got clean for about a year and 1/2 and then decided he would start using Heroin again. I did not know what he was doing until I had him arrested for stealing items and $ from my home. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do, have someone I loved arrested. I hear that he is "clean" now and maybe he can get through this. Thank you for your time and thanks for giving me a place to put these thoughts down.
Anonymous
Newport, DE USA - Friday, October 19, 2001 at 15:35:11 (EDT)
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter my prayers are with you. I have a daughter myself and her father my boyfriend is a Heroin addict. He has been in and out of jail and rehab and I am very afraid he might end up losing his own life, and what exactly would I tell my 2 1/2 year old daughter if that were to happen. I hate to think so negative but I have tried to help him and get help for him it just never seems to work and unfortunately I am losing the little bit of hope I had left for him to recover from such an addicting drug. If you have any advice for me please email me I need all the information and support I can get before it is to late for him and myself with this drug addiction we've been battling for 2 years. And for those of you who are curious and would like to try it DON'T IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER IN A BAD WAY I PROMISE YOU THAT
Cristina Vasquez <calena23@hotmail.com>
Orlando, Fl USA - Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 18:02:03 (EDT)
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter my prayers are with you. I have a daughter myself and her father my boyfriend is a Heroin addict. He has been in and out of jail and rehab and I am very afraid he might end up losing his own life, and what exactly would I tell my 2 1/2 year old daughter if that were to happen. I hat to think so negative but I have tried to help him and get help for him it just never seems to work and unfortunately I am losing the little bit of hope I had left for him to recover from such an addicting drug. If you have any advice for me please email me I need all the information and support I can get before it is to late for him and myself with this drug addiction we've been battling for 2 years. And for those of you who are curious and would like to try it DON'T IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER IN A BAD WAY I PROMISE YOU THAT.
Cristina Vasquez <calena23@hotmail.com>
Orlando, Fl USA - Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 17:59:53 (EDT)
I received a call from my 23yr old son, my baby boy. He told me that he saw you today at the rehabilitation center and he told me to look on the web for your site. As I was reading your story I thought I was reading my own life as it has been for the past 3 years. My heart hurts everyday for his pain & our families pain. I feel like I have been through hell & back 1000x and yet I have no idea what his pain must be. My son in finally in a long term facility that he requested from the Judge & I pray everyday that he gets the streingth to stay clean. My heart goes out to you we've shared so many of the same paths. Thank you for sharing your pain & time you touched my son today as did Erin and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sara <itteroif@aol.com>
wilmington, De USA - Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 17:22:31 (EDT)
I received a call from my 23yr old son, my baby boy. He told me that he saw you today at the rehabilitation center and he told me to look on the web for your site. As I was reading your story I thought I was reading my own life as it has been for the past 3 years. My heart hurts everyday for his pain & our families pain. I feel like I have been through hell & back 1000x and yet I have no idea what his pain must be. My son in finally in a long term facility that he requested from the Judge & I pray everyday that he gets the streingth to stay clean. My heart goes out to you we've shared so many of the same paths. Thank you for sharing your pain & time you touched my son today as did Erin and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sara <itteroif@aol.com>
wilmington, De USA - Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 17:20:11 (EDT)
I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. My mother had a friend die due to a heroin overdose. It is a very hard thing to overcome. I am sorry.
Stacie <MzStacie420@aol.com>
Noblesville , IN USA - Monday, October 15, 2001 at 17:02:13 (EDT)
I am so very sorry for your heartbreak, and sorrow! One of the worse things about this drug is the way other people view the addict! Obviously your daughter was a lovely person. She was educated, and raised by loving stable parents. YET the general uneducated, and non sympathetic public saw her as ONLY a junkie. I write this as yesterday it broke my heart to see my young neighbor nodding on a bench of our local supermarket. This is a NICE kid with lovely, caring parents. As he itched, and scratched, and nodded next to the trash can most of the people entering the supermarket looked in disgust. Some people called him names, and someone threatened to call the cops. Some of these are other neighbors that have known this kid. As I went to tell him to move, and go home....my companion told me to leave that "low life junkie where he belong in the gutter". Why can people only SEE THE DRUG? In there somewhere he's still that great kid. As you know Mrs. Allen Philadelphia is a city that varies greatly from neighborhood to neighborhood....we live an El ride away from a completely different world where nodding on a corner is everyday life. Which also isn't right just because economically the people there are stuck where they're at. BUT a few miles away us middle class folk aren't used to this YET! Sorry to go on, and thanks for this board to vent! God Bless your beautiful, talented, sweet daughter who was some many, many positive things!!!!!
Diana
Phila, PA USA - Saturday, October 13, 2001 at 08:32:40 (EDT)
I read your story and I am sorry for your daughterI have many family members who have ruined their lives because of heroin, lost their kids, been in jail many times, and also lost loved ones because of this drug. My aunt died because of heroin and other drugs. I am grateful that I have been able to witness and expierience cases such as these because this has enabled me to never try the drug. I am sorry for your loss and for all the heroin users out there please get help. For those of you who want to try it IT ISN'T WORTH IT!!!
jessica
west chicago, il USA - Friday, October 12, 2001 at 17:49:00 (EDT)
I know what your loss feels like. I think everyone needs to know about the effects of drugs. My best friend died on April 1,2001 from an overdose of ecstacy. She was 17. I am 25. She was like my little sister. Her mother and I are very close and I know she and I can relate to your pain. We are trying to start something like you have done but for ecstacy. Please send us back some information. God be with you and remember all things are possible through Christ who strengthens you
amberaustin <amberaustin@hotline.com>
memphis, tn USA - Friday, October 12, 2001 at 14:09:49 (EDT)
I have never realy taken drugs before, and I'm 22. I tried speed twice. I've been considering trying heroin. My bf has a nasty past involving the drug, and he has been clean for a couple of years. Just recently he commented that he wanted to try it again, to see if it still feels the same for him. He's also keen for me to try it with him. Warning bells rang in my head - he should really be staying away from the stuff, but he says it will be only this once, and that there's no way he'll become how he was. I don't really have an addictive personality, I don't even drink. Erin's story has made me scared to try this substance. I don't want to be forever chasing the first high I get from it. The probelm is, my boyfriend is out getting the stuff right now, and I'm sure he'll convince me that it will be Ok to try it.
Gloom Girl
Sydney, Australia - Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 22:48:00 (EDT)
I have never realy taken drugs before, and I'm 22. I tried speed twice. I've been considering trying heroin. My bf has a nasty past involving the drug, and he has been clean for a couple of years. Just recently he commented that he wanted to try it again, to see if it still feels the same for him. He's also keen for me to try it with him. Warning bells rang in my head - he should really be staying away from the stuff, but he says it will be only this once, and that there's no way he'll become how he was. I don't really have an addictive personality, I don't even drink. Erin's story has made me scared to try this substance. I don't want to be forever chasing the first high I get from it. The probelm is, my boyfriend is out getting the stuff right now, and I'm sure he'll convince me that it will be Ok to try it.
Gloom Girl
Sydney, Australia - Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 22:47:03 (EDT)
I have never realy taken drugs before, and I'm 22. I tried speed twice. I've been considering trying heroin. My bf has a nasty past involving the drug, and he has been clean for a couple of years. Just recently he commented that he wanted to try it again, to see if it still feels the same for him. He's also keen for me to try it with him. Warning bells rang in my head - he should really be staying away from the stuff, but he says it will be only this once, and that there's no way he'll become how he was. I don't really have an addictive personality, I don't even drink. Erin's story has made me scared to try this substance. I don't want to be forever chasing the first high I get from it. The probelm is, my boyfriend is out getting the stuff right now, and I'm sure he'll convince me that it will be Ok to try it.
Gloom Girl
USA - Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 22:45:38 (EDT)
I have been using heroin occasionally for two years. i am seventeen.It breaks my heart to read this story and all the others like it. please dont give up guys. there is light at the end of the tunnel.so many of us sruggle with this shit but please believe that so many of us can get better.i have been to hell and back and altough im still using i have managed to cut down to every second week. but im gonna kick this. im determined. please kick it with me guys. your all beutiful amazing unique people and this world needs you. please dont give up
Em
sydney, australia - Thursday, October 11, 2001 at 20:10:00 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your loss. I am currently a heroin user. I'm only 16 years old and have been using for the past two years. I want to stop very badly, but the addiction always wins over me. Stories like yours really makes me reconsider the path I keep choosing to lead
Berry
Chicago, IL USA - Wednesday, October 10, 2001 at 15:34:42 (EDT)
Iam 27 years old and have been fighting with heroin for 7 years now. I took a 3 year break and then went right back to it. I picked up after someone very close to me died. I have been back on it now for a little over a year.The first time I tried it I had know idea what it was nor what it would do to my life. But that didn't stop me. Even after I went to jail and lost my son,betrayed my family etc. that didn't stop me either. Now when I lay down at night all I can do is cry and beg God to please take me away from all of this pain. It hurts so bad when I look in the mirror and see this face of a girl that I once thought was pretty and stronge and is now nothing. I have tried so many times to kick however I just couldnt make it. I went through a very abusive marrige, my exhusband made me feel so worthless and beat me to near death. It took me so long to love myself again and now it's all gone.I have since then remarried and my husband is wonderful he loves me so much.He has done everythig for me and I have done nothing but make his life hell. It hurts me so bad to see what I am doing to him and my 2 children. I feel that if I was no longer here there lives would be so mich better. They deserve better than me,someone that can't even stand up and take my life back,they deserve a hell of alot better than me. I feel like that is the only thing I can do right for them is to just go so that they can go on with ther lives and be happy. Dear Lord Please Help Me I Don't Want To Be Here Anymore!!!!!
Searching
USA - Friday, October 05, 2001 at 01:30:45 (EDT)
sometimes I think this is all terrible dream from which all the persons left here after losing a loved one to heroin will wake up. Can it be possible that I look at a picture of a beautiful child like Erin with all her potential that a chemical takes her and all that promise away. I only know too well that it can- because I lost my beloved son Andrew the same way. He put a hard and long battle but as statistics show only about 1% will make it. My heart is with you and I truly believe that Erin is in the arms of the angels free from this insidious disease at last! God bless you and your family and most of all those that sruggle with addiction
Katherine Sloan <kakislack@carolina.rr.com>
USA - Friday, October 05, 2001 at 00:20:17 (EDT)
my heart goes out to you parents all of you. I know i am lost .idont know how to help my daughter. my husband says iam killing her.she lives with me and my husband and her son Jeremy his father is also a herion addict.hes stolen from everybody weknow he was away jamesburg during jeremy birth as soon as he got out they got back onit she has gotten clean afew times morre now shes says they can get cleaned together they still arnot.my husand says i baby her to much hes not aloud near my house because he stole her car and sold it for 3 bags of dope they are still together idont think 2addicts can get cleaned at the same place my other daughters and husband think i should throw her out we fight every day she lies lies lies to me what should i do her sisters treat her bad and that breaks my heart because she cries about iwant to get help for not give up on her we have always been close me and all my daughters but shes become someone idont know what to say to her any more she scream atme thats its my fault shes ajunky should i just go on like we are supporting her and jeremy .my husand says she has to grow up on her own i told her just to get out she can leave jeremy with me but she want leave him i said go to rehab far from here and write her boy friend out of her life for now and get clean but she says leave me alone mom idont want to here it now she wrote on this page and showed it to me sheis sammie ilove her so much and i know she feels so lost ijust dont know how to save her maybe soone out there can. thank you s for listening to me.
diane black <gjblack16@aol.com>
edgewater park, nj USA - Wednesday, October 03, 2001 at 02:20:46 (EDT)
I am struggling with the addiction from herion. I'v been using on and off for 5 years. with a 2 year period clean and a beatful 1 and half year old son I have got myself struggling again. This time much harder to get a hold of. I feel weaker and lost! I feel to far away to come back to grips with real life and what I want out of life. I feel even more dependant then I ever had. I want my son to grow up wit every thing he needs and wants. not with nothing but drugs and no chance at all in this hard life to live. I send my prayer to your family and all others who have the same struggle as me. And I hope you have me in yours.Any advise on where to go from here it will be helpfull. email me!!
sam <sambsammi@aol.com>
nj USA - Wednesday, October 03, 2001 at 00:32:11 (EDT)
Herion, makes you dread a sunny day, so you live by night. Herion, makes you stop taking baths because it hurts your skin when your sick and you don't want to when your high. Herion, screams at you not to spend that 20$ on food, but agrees that 100$ is nothing to get high. Herion, takes away your ability to laugh and your need to cry. Herion, turns sex into a chore and allows you to whore (in one way or another). Herion, turns your pupils to pins, allowing no truth or light in. Herion, wraps its self around you like a spider's web and makes you wait in 'vien' to die. Herion, if it feels your spirit geting stronger let's you go for awhile, then reels you back in. Herion finds its life in us, a parasite, a bodysnatcher. Herion, takes you whatever your age, and leads straight to the grave. Herion, accompinies you to your death certificate, where was it on your birth certificate? Herion, takes non user's too. Herion supplies terrorists with cash, and watches our markets crash. Herion had a hand at the World Trade Center's fall, when will it get through to us all? Herion..............takes people like Erin, me and you.
SR
Montreal, Canada - Tuesday, October 02, 2001 at 12:08:24 (EDT)
Herion, it becomes your best friend, your only friend. Herion, it becomes your worst enemy, enemy # 1. Herion, it makes your mother cy, your brother's cry, your sister angry. Herion, it makes you feel all warm inside, it kills all displays of emotion on the outside. Herion, sends you to more funerals than weddings. Herion, it leaves a hole in your spirit and in your arms. Herion, it is your lover and your raper. Herion, it doesn't need a passport tocross borders. Herion.................
SR
Montreal, Canada - Tuesday, October 02, 2001 at 11:38:50 (EDT)
I was looking for a site to be in touch with other addicts in NA and I came across your register and wanted to say how it helped me with my struggle to quit Heroin and crack. I am an addict and came into NA 7 years ago primarily with a drink problem with various other cross addictions. I managed to stay clean after a 2 year struggle for 3 whole years and then started abusing opiate painkillers. Then it all went realy bad earlier this year when I picked up Heroin and Crack. Within a matter of 2 weeks i was shooting up and believe me when I say I wish that I had never done it. My life is a complete mess and I have lost practically everything through drugs. I have just been in 2 rehab centres and neither have kept me clean. All i know is that i am alive today and 12 days clean and staying with my brother and his family. I am hanging on moment to moment and living in a tiny village well away from a fix. I think about gear all the time and crave even though I know it will kill me,it is madness! I lost a friend Maria 2 weeks today and we had struggled to kick drugs and attended 100's of na meetings together. I watched her break down in tears in june when she expressed the pain she felt watching her brother die of this disease and how she had never used Heroin until the day he died. She stuck a needle in her arm the same day he died and all these years later a needle brought her the gear that killed her. Drugs ravish all the bueaty and possibility from our spirits and I pray that someone out there reads this and that they think twice about using heroin and crack. I have brought so much sadness to my loved ones them having to break contact with me fearing the next hit might kill me and they will be at my funeral. Its selfish not to mention very uncool, a junky is a liability when using and a wonderful human being full of potential when clean. Ellin looked like a lovely girl and I am sad that you lost her to this disease.Thank you for making this site it has made me,just for today, have a little more conviction to stay in this village and avoid using. Any addicts out there with the same struggle as me lets support each other via e-mail write to me
Sarah D <sazstanton@hotmail.com>
London, England - Tuesday, October 02, 2001 at 10:53:17 (EDT)
your daughter ellin, she is such a beautiful girl. she's still alive you know, in a better place. dont be sad youll see her again one day and we'll all be happy again. compassion ~ pisces76
pisces76
USA - Monday, October 01, 2001 at 23:42:58 (EDT)
I have been using for almost 3 years now. I have just come back from a holiday abroad in an attempt to 'get clean'. I have been clean for 18 days and it is getting harder instead of easier but one look at my mother's face and the pain and suffering I have caused her will hopefully be enough to stop me going back. I hope. For the people out there that have never done Heroin, please do not underestimate the power of this drug. I thought, (like everyone else) that I could control it. Just do it occasionally. I was wrong and nearly destroyed my family because of it. The only answer is stay away and don't do it in the first place. I wish I hadn't.
Nikki Price <nikki_charlie@hotmail.com>
Oxfordshire, England - Friday, September 28, 2001 at 20:02:46 (EDT)
...I have been fighting this addiction and the devil since my first shot. it was absolute heaven. pushing the plunger home, i felt the heroin crawl up my arm. then it hit, and wow! i have tried many times to rid myself of this demon. i now have been brought to the point of sticking needles in my neck. every day it is the same hell of scoring, cooking, and shooting that i cannot break the ritual. thinking now i had better score before the pain, and jab the needle, and push the plunger down to infinity. my condolences to erins family.
mitch jehrens <mitch23@yahoo.com>
tampa, fl USA - Friday, September 28, 2001 at 14:26:03 (EDT)
I just wanted to let you know that after reading your website, I prayed for all the children of the world to never start using drugs. Your site should be mandatory viewing for all teengaers. May God be with you and your family!
Suzanne <Meekiemaster@hotmail.com>
Dover, De USA - Friday, September 28, 2001 at 13:58:14 (EDT)
over the last few weeks i have done nothing but cry. What with the Trade Centre Bombing and now reading this no wonder i take anti-depressants. I would like to offer my condolences first to the U.S.A for the tragedy on 11th September 2001 it hurts too much still to think of the event, and secondly to all the parents, users and friends out there. I was visiting the web site as my boyfriends nephew is on Heroin and has been for a year and half, we only found out about six months ago, he then went straight to his grandma's who with the help of his uncle got him off it but it wasn't to long before he got back on it (about 6 weeks). My Boyfriends mum then took her grandson in again for another six weeks which she succeeded again but as you'll probably guess he went back on it again (he is only 18 yrs old). This time he has got worse he steals of his mum, lies all the time and his attitude just stinks but it upsets me cos he used to be such a nice lad and after we saw him today he said as from 2moro he would try to get of it again. We went out and bought him some cannabis to see if this would chill him about a bit when he will be detoxing whether this works or not i don't know? He says he wants to get off it and it upsets him seeing how much he is upsetting his mum but he carries on doing it i just don't understand. He says all his friends are on it and even if he gets of it he has no other friends to knock about with, which i can understand him saying but today he's been on about committing suicide and it was too much for me to bear thinking about so if any parents or users could help me by e-mailing me to give me any advise i would be grateful. My heart goes out to you all. GOD BLESS.
michelle <coulthard1976@aol.com>
Sheffield, England - Thursday, September 27, 2001 at 21:30:54 (EDT)
I have been contemplating taking heroin for some time now. I am sorry to say, even though your story did make me sad, I am still contemplating trying heroin. I do not have an addictive personality, so part of me feels i can do it on a casual basis. I am not a drug user, and have smoked pot less than a dozen times, all within the last year. I am 26 years. My life at this point has really become unbearable. I am on anti depressants and see a psychiatrist as well as a shrink. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 13. I always hoped my life would get better but it never has. When I was 19, I made a vow to myself that if things were not better for me byt he time I was 27, I would kill myself. I think heroin can give me the courage to do this. I turn 27 in less than two weeks.
Louden <CapnHowdy2000@aol.com>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Thursday, September 27, 2001 at 03:06:25 (EDT)
I am 28 I have experimented with drugs since I was about 13.I have been very fortunate not to get addicted to the drugs I use which do not include heroin(but very nearly did). I am originally from East Kilbride just outside Glasgow which has a monsterous addiction rate spanning over a decade.I have seen good freinds waste away,die,rob and beg because of this disease we call "HEROIN".I,m writting this because I now live in South Wales , a small fishing village just outside Swansea where I thought (ignorantly)that I could keep away from the HEROIN. Until 2weeks ago when I discovered that most of my friends here have been taking heroin for some time,hiding it from myself and my wife making us feel like strangers.I have grown up with heroin in my community in Scotland and know that there is not many success stories of people kicking the habbit.I only found out from a true friend who has been smoking heroin for the past month or so and he is trying to kick it.I,ve tried to give him as much support as possible and will show him this web site to help him in his addiction.The problem is there is so little information about the addiction of heroin in these small communities that people don't listen to what little info they recieve.Heroin doesn,t just affect the user,in the end it affects every one around them as you have seen from the people one this site.My heart goes out to everyone who is affected by heroin and there fight against heroin addiction. God watch over you all.
Rab MacFarlane <nic@jarmuska.co.uk>
Swansea, Carmarthenshire South Wales - Sunday, September 23, 2001 at 14:11:20 (EDT)
To Erin's Family - You are not alone. My prayers will go out to your family. I too recently lost my husband to the Devil(heroin). When I read Erin's story, it really hit home. Being from Delaware myself, I know all too well, the rehabs, mental hospitals, clinics,
Remain anonomous <CBNC@aol.com>
Bear , DE USA - Sunday, September 23, 2001 at 00:12:41 (EDT)
I came across this site because I wanted to do a speech on heroin drug abuse. A couple of my friends have now gotten into snorting heroin. My one friend is taking methadone to help her get off of heroin, while my other friend tries to hide it from us. Just the other day we checked to see if she had marks on her arms, which she didn't, but we know she's snorting it. I feel helpless and we don't know what to do with her. I hope she'll come around. I want to express my sympathy for Erin's family. I can't imagine the pain you have gone through in burying your son. I hope the future will get brighter for you one day. God Bless you.
"J"
Il USA - Friday, September 21, 2001 at 11:55:57 (EDT)
I don't know what to say. I was actually looking into heroin for a report I have to write about the plants in it. Your story really touched my heart. My former boyfriend reminds me a lot like all of these teenagers that I have read about, only he is not dead, yet. I keep trying to tell him and trying to tell him that he's just getting deeper and deeper. Although it may not be heroin that he is addicted at this point in time, he can not go a day without snorting a pill. Typically it is an OxyContin 40 mg. This boy is the only true love of my life, and I hate to see him do this, but he won't listen. We have recently broken up because I am tired of being placed last in his life. If anyone, and I mean anyone can help me out in the slightest bit I would really appreciate that. He is only 17 years old and I just can't understand why he says he loves me with all his heart, but he would rather have his pills, his pot, his crack or crank, which ever he can get his hands on. I believe the only reason he hasn't tried herion is because he is terrified of needles, but I am afraid the fear will be out lived if he gets deeper. Please help me if you can by emailing me!! I do deeply love this boy, I just can't be like Rob's g/f. I can't take losing the love of my life to drugs. Please help!!
Andrea <andreapritt@hotmail.com>
Elkins, WV USA - Wednesday, September 19, 2001 at 23:35:05 (EDT)
deepest sympathy to all on this list i;ve been on and off for six years almost yearly it's a battle we must win
james mckiernan
southampton, h uk - Wednesday, September 19, 2001 at 11:33:52 (EDT)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and may good memories unfold to help you through this. I printed your article to give to my 24 year old son who is fighting heroin addiction and it is one tough road. I hope this will help him to see what can truley happen to a persons life when they don't realize the danger of drugs. You are brave people and your story will save kids everywhere. God bless you.
Dwee Murray <dmurray@oaksd.wednet.edu>
Oakville, Wa USA - Tuesday, September 18, 2001 at 11:49:18 (EDT)
I have written before, but I want to tell my son's story again,for present users. I hope the new security on our Borders helps keep drugs out of our country. My 19-year-old son, Robby, died on April 16, 2001 of a combination of Heroin and Cocaine. Only the Cocaine surprised us. I didn't know he liked Speedballs. He was a Heroin addict for at least 2 years, asking for our help when he was 17. He tried in-patient help, as much as we could afford, and out-patient help. He even paid for some himself. He wanted to recover so badly. I used to sit up with him as he cried and told me how stupid he was to ever start using Heroin. He wanted so badly to get well and talk to young people about the dangers of using. After the last relapse, he was clean for 7 months. It was the day after Easter that I found him in his bed. On Easter, we had gone to church and met for brunch after, as an extended family. We all teased him about eating so much! You know how you don't eat when you've been using. That afternoon, he decided to go play golf as the weather had improved. There is about a 2-hour time frame that we can't account for. When he came home at 7 pm, he said golfing was fun, but he had a bad headache. I didn't think much of it, as our family get's migraines. I gave him some Advil and he went to his room for his usual 3-hour phone call to his girlfriend. He had a very pretty blond girlfriend, a cool black Honda Civic (all souped up), a great job and had been working out at a gym. At 10 pm, I told him goodnight and he got off the phone, saying he thought he felt a little better. At about 2 am, I heard him throwing up. I got up to see if he needed me. He felt terrible waking me up when I had work the next morning. He said it was the worst headache he ever had in his life. I told him to lay very still and not take anything that might upset his stomach. I went back to bed. Mothers don't stay up with kids that age, right? The next morning, he had left me a note in the kitchen telling me not to wake him until 8:30 am, as he had an appointment and was going to work late. I was glad he was sleeping and tried to be very quiet. At 8:30 am, just before I went to work, I opened his bedroom door. He didn't look right, very pale and his were opened and rolled back, so I shouted his name. No response. I went to his bed and shook him. No response. I got hysterical and screamed at him "Robby, don't you do this to me, God damn it, don't you do this to me. Wake up Baby, wake up!" I checked for a pulse. Nothing. I tried CPR. Nothing. I was torn, do I continue CPR or do I call 911? I was home alone! I called 911, told them our address and threw the phone to the floor so I could go back to CPR. Cops arrived and then the ambulance. I answered questions and told them he was a recovering Heroin addict. I guess I knew he was gone when the took him away but didn't turn the sirens on. I just prayed harder then I ever have. I called my daughter and asked her to call her brother, her father and her step father and tell them to get to the hospital because I thought Robby was dead. A friend took me to the hospital. They took me to a special little room where a Social Worker waited with me. I should have known, but I still held out hope. I asked them to find our priest. Then a doctor came in and told me Robby was gone and they didn't know why. I was numb and asked for a complete autopsy. (The autopsy later revealed that he used just one time!) Rob's father arrived and asked me what happened. I said "Rick, Robby is gone, he's gone." Rick punched a hole in the wall and started screaming "No, My God, no, no, no!!!!" They escorted him and his wife outside. Then, my husband, Rob's step-father and only real father, came and I had to tell him. After comforting me and helping me to stand up (my legs were so weak by then), he remarkably comforted Robby's real dad. (They do NOT like each other). Rob's sister arrived and was trying so hard to be strong for all of us, but her little brother was gone. Her heart was broken. Rob's brother, Jeremy, who is 1 year older, called from his cell phone and said he had a ride down and was Robby going to make it. I told my husband not to lie and give him false hope. Jeremy started crying on the phone and rushed to our home to meet us. He felt like he should have protected his little brother better and immediately stared making phone calls to see what happened. He wanted to kill someone and I have never seen him so angry and hurt. Our lives will never be the same. I hurt every single day, but I have to go on. Robby would want us to. Please, please don't put your family through this. Robby's girlfriend is so young and so hurt. She loved Rob and thought they would marry one day. Part of me died that day too. I mourn for him and for who I used to be. I go to the cemetery almost every day. It's all I have left to do for my son. 2 of Rob's friends are now in early recovery and check in with us. It warms my heart. It will warm my heart if you recover to. I don't think Rob understood how many people cared about him and were affected by this. At his viewing the night before his funeral, it took over 3 hours for the people to go through the funeral home! On July 17, Rob would have been 20. I had a birthday party for him anyway and all his friends, 35 of them, came over to celebrate and comfort each other. It's a hell of a way to have a birthday party. It must be terribly hard and I can't say I understand addiction. Not really. I just wish Robby would have told me he used. I would have taken him right to a hospital, I wouldn't have gone back to bed! If you ever need someone to talk to, please know you can write to me. Please take care of yourselves. I share Rob's story because I believe thatis what he would want. He would want to save other kids. One step at a time. Your Higher Power will help you, please trust in that. Sincerely, Sandi (Rob's mom)
Sandi <Weedbike@aol.com>
Springville, UT USA - Monday, September 17, 2001 at 23:44:02 (EDT)
Thank you for this forum Mrs. Allen, Your girl is always in my prayers. I just wanted to add to the below post. A few years ago eleven people died of Anthrax after doing heroin. This dope came from Afghanistan. I'm sure if someone is in full fledge addiction this won't matter. For those clean here's another reason not to pick up. The deaths were in Scotland, but hey this people could do ANYTHING! If they'll poison our air, and water they sure could poison dope.
Sylvia
Every City, USA - Monday, September 17, 2001 at 13:27:00 (EDT)
I am very sorry about the young lady. I will pray fro her soul. GOD BLESS Debra
debra <dpl59@boone.net>
Boone, nc USA - Sunday, September 16, 2001 at 02:08:30 (EDT)
GOD BLESS AMERICA! Keep in mind the Taliban make their money selling opium and heroin. President Bush just gave the Taliban 34 millon dollars 3 weeks ago to stop growing opium! Addicts just don't get a break. If you need help and information about drugs and addiction please visit, heroin-addict.com Let's pray for all those innocet people who have suffered.
Rahjen Black <biiggbuuckk@aol.co>
Detroit, mi USA - Saturday, September 15, 2001 at 12:48:21 (EDT)
...this brutal act has also broken our hearts over here! So far away, yet so close...With this I send my positive energy to you and all American people, being the nation which has given us back our freedom once! Let's all pray for better times and I hope you will overcome this tragedy with the help of your friends from all over the world! May the sun soon rise again above the American nation... In Dutch we say: God zij met u....God bless you
Marcel Rotteveel <mfoofoo@hotmail.com>
Breda, Netherlands - Saturday, September 15, 2001 at 00:04:27 (EDT)
I AM A MOTHER AND I HOPE AND PRAY I NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE SAME HEARTACHE AS YOUR FAMILY. I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND I COMMEND YOU FOR BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO SHARE YOUR HEARTACHE WITH OTHERS. MAY GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU AND BE WITH YOU.
ROBBIE <SNOWFLAKE2698812@aol.COM>
RUSK, TX USA - Tuesday, September 11, 2001 at 01:45:47 (EDT)
My prayers and thoughts go out to you...May her tragic and short life not be in vain and bring courage to those who are still fighting their own demons...I am currently completing my Msc in Healthcare,my project is on the subject of heroin and I stumbled across this website while researching...my closest friend has overcome his addiction, and each day I meet more that have been clean for years...it IS possible...May you find the strength to cope with your loss.
Hana S <hannoush2002@yahoo.com>
london, uk - Monday, September 10, 2001 at 21:47:38 (EDT)
I am very sorry you had to suffer such a great loss. I am praying for every user out there wether it be Marijuana or Heroin. I have never been a heroin addict but have had other addictions I am watching my 19 year old brother every day get worse and worse with heroin addiction its like watching him die. Do you have any suggestions for what a used to be very close nit family can do to help him? PLEASE HELP!!!! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU, and please don't ever forget you are beautiful and you don't need something so ugly bring you down.
Christie <crhodes@pennswoods.net>
Everett, PA USA - Monday, September 10, 2001 at 15:55:44 (EDT)
This is such a sad story and I am sorry for your loss. I am the parent of an addicted child and I would not wish this on anyone. I may print this out and make my son read it, in case it does some good.
Barbara <DLieber103@aol.com>
Northfield, NJ USA - Monday, September 10, 2001 at 15:50:52 (EDT)
I dont know what to do. Up until two nights ago, I hadnt used in over a year and a half. I had just left my fiance's house and was traveling down the expressway, on my way back home. We had got into it over a decision she has made without my opinion even being asked, that thought was crossing my mind as I rode by the nieghborhood where I used to cop my dope. The moment of weakness overtook me, and I turned off the expressway. I only did one bag as opposed to my 8 or 9 like I used to. and I regret unendlessly. I cried almost all day yesterday, please god help me.
CJ <ZPollack78@aol.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Saturday, September 08, 2001 at 16:23:38 (EDT)
I am a recovering Ecxtasy user. I've never tried Heroin. This entire story is why. Thank you for making this story public. Education is the best remedy for drug use. LCD
Loren Craig <lcd420@hotmail.com>
San Marcos, tx USA - Friday, September 07, 2001 at 13:42:09 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your loss. I too am a recovering addict and have a friend deep into drugs that has struggled for years and I know how hard it is for an addict to stop. I also know what its like to be a parent of an addict. I have not experienced your loss and hope never too. Your story helped me and I praise your efforts. Prayer should not be underestimated. It is the only thing keeping me in orbit. Also doctors and priests or pastors can be useful. Every addict is different. My philosophy is "whatever works" I will use to help me walk "the straight and narrow". I relapse, but I just pick myself backup and put that one foot forward. God will give you hope but remember God also gave us modern medicine and psychiatry so use everything provided if it helps to get clean and STAY CLEAN (staying clean is much harder than getting clean).
prayerfulsupporter <anon@noreply.com>
anon, an USA - Thursday, September 06, 2001 at 14:20:22 (EDT)
I would just like to say that this story really got to me. I am trying to fight my additction to heroin for only 4 short weeks, I have been in and out of juvinile detention for the past year it doesn't seem that long, but when you think about it, I wasted 1 year using heroin out of the 16 years I've been alive. When I read this story it really scared me, I didn't realize that my addiction isn't just hurting me its hurting my family the most. So I would like to say thanks for helping me realize that, maybe this can help me in my long road to recouvery.
Cora <Mer6969@hotmail.com>
Victoria, bc USA - Tuesday, September 04, 2001 at 11:48:06 (EDT)


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