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Hi today is 9/23/2003 . Today Marie Allen attended my school to tell the story of Erin.Her story was the most touching thing i have ever heard in my life . I hope anyone that gets the chance to listen to the story of Erin REALLY listens because no parent should be put through what she went through. She is a very brave woman to go up infront of a group of kids and talk about such a sensative subject but maybe just maybe she got the point across and it might save a few lives. And Marie if by some chance you get to read this thank you for sharing your daughters story with us .
Tina <Crazyblonde691@aol.com>
Plains, Pa USA - Tuesday, September 23, 2003 at 15:59:12 (HST)
I was once also a herion addict. and now I am once again one. I know everyday that I use i am fucking up my life by my own choice. I read things like this and know that that is and was me, and that i can put a end to it all if i chose to. i know all the rehab talk and the n/a phrases. but i ignore it cause of the feeling of peace i get from that blast. i make excuses for my using and i hide it from the world. i dont want to end up like this...but i fight with myself everyday use or not use. life sucks and i know herion doesnt fix anything, but i still choose to do the shit...someday i will either get clean again or someday i know i will die
April <april18@hotmail.com>
Lewistown, PA USA - Tuesday, September 23, 2003 at 09:06:23 (HST)
firstly, my thoughts and prays go out to erin family. I have been on herion for about 4 years and have been clean for about 1 year. I will not write alot but I know this poem was given to my Mum when I was going through detox and it still brings tears to my eyes everytime i read it so here i am going to share it with you. HE'S ONLY WORSE Lend us a tenner Mum I'll pay you back Running Nose, Pale Face, Thin Can this Zombie really be him, Oh God!Help me deal with this man This theif, this liar, this tramp This Herion Addict. That once was my man how did my proudness turn to shame? I curl up at night and cry with vain Shoplifiting,burglary, Dealing smack Anything to get the feeling back Doctors, Dentists, family and friends all long gone "No Offence" Tell him not to take anymore Then kick him out the bloody door Get on woth your life Don't waste more time after all it's him Whose done the crime I hear you all, I know what you say What would you do? What would you say? Come judgment day I've been everywhere there is to go And to be quite honest, Who the hell wants to know? so put him in prison It's what he derserves Then let him out "He's only Worse" Don't help him, just leave him Crime, prison, release "He's only worse" I hope this has made you think thanx CB,Derbys,England
CB <bob@morotnindsvs.fsnet.co.uk>
MIDLANDS, ENGLAND, U.K - Sunday, September 21, 2003 at 10:52:54 (HST)
If you are using drugs, or even contemplating using...please take the time to read Erin's story. It is a source of great strength. It helped me. Please call to our heroin support group on Yahoo if you are ever passing... http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/ God bless Erin. Andy.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, England - Friday, September 19, 2003 at 09:58:19 (HST)
erins story really touched me. at 22 years old, i now have 3 years clean. i was one of the lucky ones. it was through reading her story, along with your message that really brought the reality of what i was putting my mother thru. itoday my mom is my best friend, and your parental perspecftive on addiction helped bring us closer and helped her find the words to explain what i had put her thru. thank you. you are in my prayers.
miranda wilson <jolielvr21@hotmail.com>
riverside, nj USA - Friday, September 19, 2003 at 03:17:06 (HST)
Pax uvescom a latin phrase means peace be on you sorry for your loss Al USN ret.
Alan E Smith <parkal@bellsouth.net>
Key West, Fl USA - Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 16:35:14 (HST)
Jesus Christ, i cant believe the pain involved in this, im a heroin adict since 17 and now 19 1/2, in the past year and half or so ive managed to become homeless, jobless, pathetic, all of the above, my family wont even talk to me, now im jsut waiting for death. Its even harder to comprehend the pain felt by the other side of the victims, when their brother or sister dies at such a young age. Im a hopeful quitter, but it doesnt look good. I hope that some people make it out, just to save the little sister in high school the heartship of hearing that their brother is dead b/c of a heroin overdose.
neddy <cirriusred@hotmail.com>
San Francisco, CA USA - Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 08:55:09 (HST)
it feels good to hear other peoples stories,to know that i am not alone.i have been clean for almost three years,and still think about it from time to time.i started using when i was 16 and got clean at 18.some people may not think thats long ,but it was definatley long enough to expierience the pain and lonelyness that comes along too.in that amount of time i became a hooker at age 17 and also was in and out of the hospital for overdose.i sometimes think others were more lucky than me support wise , because some family's were there for them to want them clean. don't think that i'm feeling sorry for my self, it's just the truth.my moter and i used together,untill i met my husband and went through the aggonizing pain to quit, but she never did.i lost my best friend and mother june,2002and i still cry and wish she was here to see her grandchild and grandson due in dec.. but the two things that have kept me clean is my children and for the reason that i lost my mother over this sick drug.for those of you out there that are still battling or have been clean for such a short time, please find your higher power and get a new addiction like shopping,spending time with kids,clean friends,anything to help you for the moment. treatment may not work,it sure didn't work for me.every treatment i went to i eiter got kicked ou for using or ran away to use.the thing that helped me was not wanting to lose my husband and god also helped me.thats just me. if anyone needs help or wanna talk email me. i hope this can help someone.
trista <roughrider1483@aol.com>
mobile, al USA - Wednesday, September 17, 2003 at 18:35:15 (HST)
I have been an addict since age 19. I am 25 and clean for a year. This story is very simular to mine. I have lost three friends in the past four years. If anyone needs to talk, email me, I am here to help. skinnyjinny@hotmail.com
Jenny Arbaugh <skinnyjinny@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI USA - Monday, September 15, 2003 at 17:46:19 (HST)
Im sorry to hear about Erin. I know for a lot of people, doing heroin for the first time is the beginning of the end for them. For me, it was the beginning of the begining. I know I only did it one time, but I know how hard it is to turn down again and keep from not doing it. It is possible to quit, but to make it a lot easier, don't start. Dont even start smoking weed because it is a gateway drug, I didn't believe it, but I smoked for maybe 3 months, then I started doing using household inhalants, then cocaine, then using hallucinogens, then percocets and oxycontin until all of that finally lead to heroin. I guess the whole point of this is not start even smoking weed.
Ceb <skippy_boy78@hotmail.com>
greencastle, pa USA - Sunday, September 14, 2003 at 19:07:37 (HST)
My 23 year old sister passed on 09/07/03. I am tearful as I write this. She got her final dose of heroin from Kensington. I am sorry for Erin losing her battle. My sister kept journals since 1 week before going into rehab a little more than a year ago. She celebrated being clean one year in August. I don't know what happened as she didn't write in her journal the past month. I was unaware of what kind of battle she was fighting. Now, that is all I want to know. Her journals explain some but I feel the need to do and know more. Do something... If there is anything I can do, voluntarily, please let me know. I am going to start a book now based on my sister's journals. I will donate it to the center where my sister attended her rehabilitaion. It is the Greenway Halfway house, Henryville in the Poconos. Maybe if Kyndall's story can even help one person... She was an incredible writer... Ohh, so hard this all is...
Nicole DelBuono <geepers89@hotmail.com>
Toms River , NJ USA - Friday, September 12, 2003 at 18:31:08 (HST)
I am a close friend of a heroin addict, I cannot understand the feeling of the true addiction I am not one but I know first hand the pain of loving some one and not knowing when it could happen or what to do or how to help. I fear that one day that I'll have to tell my baby that her dad is gone. He missed out the first 18 months of her life, some time in a rehab after relapsing shortly after our daughter was born fearing fatherhood knowing that he couldn't care for himself yet. I did not understand at first but was at his side for six months until he didn't wanto be togather and got involved with another addict whom he met in a rehab and too being from Philly relaps and soon 7 months past. He is now with me and our daughter. everyday I fear the worst and hope for the best, I can't help blaming myself, thinking that I did something wrong or said something wrong to trigger the impulse on his addiction .I just know that I could never hate him for what he put me through, I raised my daughter alone for most of her young life and still I love him for his courage to see the reality and respect me for the unconditional love that i show him. I feel for everyone impacted by this plague of pain and confusion and loss and hope that all heroin addicts have an awakening before its too late. find your self and be strong. Believe that their is a higher power and it's not just in god. It's in you, It's not going to be easy but it can be done, it has been done and don't give up. Bless everyone be strong and I have to say that i cried so hard during my visit to Erin's page and thank every one who contributed their confessions and experiances.
Marci <elfear76@yahoo.com>
Auburn, NY USA - Friday, September 12, 2003 at 17:16:43 (HST)
I am sorry for your loss. I just lost my brother on 9/5/03 to an intenional overdose of heroin. He fought that fight and lost. I angry with him but i love him very much. He was my whole world. And i will miss him. We will celebrate his new live tomorrow.
Diana M. Calles <Johnslady5@aol.com>
Santa Barbara, Ca USA - Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 12:46:28 (HST)
Never forgotten. God bless. Andy.
Andy M. <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, England - Sunday, September 07, 2003 at 10:48:31 (HST)
I am truely sorry for the loss of Erin. I cannot even explain how it pains me to read this. Although my story is a little different. I'm not an addict. I love someone that is. Nothing scares me more than thinking that one day they too could be gone. I started writing letters to a friend I hadn't seen in a while's ex-husband. See, I had a friend that was addicted to heroin and we had lost touch. I was looking on the internet one day and found her ex-husband was in jail. Trying to find her I wrote him. He wrote me back and ever since then we have been writing back and forth. I am completely connected with him. I haven't even had a chance to know him yet outside of jail and I know I love him. We write each other about our dreams of being together. I believe that at least once in our lives we cross paths with our soul mate and I know I've found mine. I'm afraid of never being able to really know him and as much as I want him out of jail at the same time wishing he would stay in jail because he can't use in there, hopefully. He did some bad things as a result of his addiction and I don't judge him I just want to help him and love him. I know that he loves me but, is that strong enough to keep him from using. 6 months in jail now so 6 months clean. I hear you say it is forever that the cravings never go away. My sweet describes it as the devil he says it takes over your whole life and nothing else matters. I'm afraid for him, for me and for our children. He may go to jail for life and I will never leave his side. I will support him 100% if he gets out and we will work through it all together. I fell in love with a letter that's how beautiful even an addict can be. God Bless You All. I will pray for you and your families and please pray for my sweet, sweet Anthony.
T <ta9199@comcast.net>
FL USA - Sunday, September 07, 2003 at 10:43:36 (HST)
10 days clean today after 3 yrs solid using and just reading these letters gives me hope.
john <con4556@yahoo.com>
new zealand - Friday, September 05, 2003 at 16:30:03 (HST)
I wish i could describe the true feeling of addiction to those how are not addicts I remember the first time i realized I had a problem I though it was all about willpower and all i needed to do was get through the physical withdraws of the drug so I checked myself into a 2 week program I went in on percocets and oxycontin and mad some new friends in rehab that were on heroin and I wanted to see what the differance was I have been an addict for 5 years and have been in and out of jails and rehabs to make a long story short there is no differance they all take you to the same place HELL.... I just got out of rehab once again and if god willing ill be celebrating one year clean on 10/13/03 exactly 1 year of the day my girlfriend past a way of an overdose she also was a heroin addict her death has brough me life because she is the only reson I have stoped using I have surrender to the drugs and im now trying to surrender to the program I have been going to alot of N/A meeting and it has really been helping me the longer I have been sober the better things have been getting they use to tell us in rehabe s.o.b.e.r stans for Son Ofa Bitch Everythings Real.. lol and its so true I never though I could get past the compulsive absession of heroin but over time it to is gone everything they told me in rehab has been true jails institutions and death I wish I would have lisnt from the start this story probly sounds like most others
Anthony <Dust7777@aol.com>
md USA - Tuesday, September 02, 2003 at 23:37:10 (HST)
I wish i could describe the true feeling of addiction to those how are not addicts I remember the first time i realized I had a problem I though it was all about willpower and all i needed to do was get through the physical withdraws of the drug so I checked myself into a 2 week program I went in on percocets and oxycontin and mad some new friends in rehab that were on heroin and I wanted to see what the differance was I have been an addict for 5 years and have been in and out of jails and rehabs to make a long story short there is no differance they all take you to the same place HELL.... I just got out of rehab once again and if god willing ill be celebrating one year clean on 10/13/03 exactly 1 year of the day my girlfriend past a way of an overdose she also was a heroin addict her death has brough me life because she is the only reson I have stoped using I have surrender to the drugs and im now trying to surrender to the program I have been going to alot of N/A meeting and it has really been helping me the longer I have been sober the better things have been getting they use to tell us in rehabe s.o.b.e.r stans for Son Ofa Bitch Everythings Real.. lol and its so true I never though I could get past the compulsive absession of heroin but over time it to is gone everything they told me in rehab has been true jails institutions and death I wish I would have lisnt from the start this story probly sounds like most others
Anthony <Dust7777@aol.com>
md USA - Tuesday, September 02, 2003 at 23:37:06 (HST)
Hi! I'm a heroin addict and thanks to god I've been clean for about 3 years. I'm working and I graduate in march of 2004 as a medical assistant. i'm so sorry to hear about Erin, I know what she wnt through and how she felt cause I went through it all. The only difference is that I had a son on heroin and because of the drugs my son has had heart surgery, he is 4 years old and does not walk or talk and has been in and out of the hospital since he's been born and that hurt's me so much. I'm gonna have to live with that the rest of my life. I am so sorry for your lost. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, but honestly there is nothing anyone can do. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family. Lots of love, Veronica
Veronica Cruz <verybetty4@aol.com>
waterbury, CT USA - Tuesday, September 02, 2003 at 14:13:18 (HST)
I know a man who knew your daughter well. He was living with me for the past year and a half and i did not know that he was still using heroin and cocaine. I know now that this is refered to as speedballing. It's been, i suppose, about 5 years since your daughter has passed away but, he still cries when he tries to talk about her story although it has not detered him from using. It seems that everyone who knows him knows the story about how he loved your daughter and lost her. I dont know if he will ever be able to get clean. It seems as if he is now maintaining a normal lifestyle to those who do not know the truth but, he is in fact using at least 2x a month. I feel uncomfortable mentioning his name on a public forum but, if you know of anything that i can do to help him now and in hopes that the same thing wont happen to him- please e-mail me with your advice. I am afraid. From what i understand you knew him well through your daughter and was there the day in the coroners office. I feel nervous even writing this post. I do not want to get in over my head with this situation. I am completely clean and do not know much about drugs and addiction. I am sorry for your loss. She sounded like a beautiful girl and many people cared about her.
worried <t-rose@comcast.net>
Annapolis, MD USA - Sunday, August 31, 2003 at 07:23:41 (HST)
I AM A HEROIN ADDICT, JUST NOW ABLE TO ADMIT IT. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR BARELEY A WEEK. I JHAVE USED EVERY DAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR. I HAD THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF LIFE GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWELS ONCE AND NOW I CANT STOP IN FEAR OF FEELING THAT PAIN AGAIN. THAT DRUG IS SO OVER POWERING. I AM SO AFRAID I WILL DIE OF HEROIN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I HAVE TOO MUCH PRIDE TO TELL ANYONE I HAVE A PROBLEMN YET I AM SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I DO. I WISH I COULD GET HELP. I WISH I DIDNT FEEL THAT ERGE IN MY CHEST THAT FEELING THAT MAKES ME WANT IT SO BAD, AND SAY TO MYSELF I WANT IT I DONT CARE WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE. I WISH I WASNT A SMAT PERSON, CAUSE THEN I COULD DO WHAT I WANT ANA IT WOULDNT BOTHER ME, BUT THE REALITY IS I AM SMART AND I DO KNOW BETTER. BUT IN THIS GAME THAT DOESNT MATTER. I HOPE MY MESSAGE OF DESPERATE INCOMPITENCE CAN INSPIRE SOMEONE ELSE TO NEVER TOUCH THIS DEVIL. I KNOW ENLESS I GET HELP HEROIN WILL CLAIM MY POOR PATHETIC 20 YEAR OLD LIFE. I CAN WISH SO MANY THINGS, BUT UNFORTUNATLEY THE ONE THING I WISH THE MOST I CAN NOT CHANGE. ( TOUCHING THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.) IF THIS DEVIL THAT FEELS SO GOOD IS TO CLAIM MY LIFE AND TAKE ME TO ETERNAL PEACE I HOPE ATLEAST I CAN PREVENT ANOTHER LIKE MYSELF TO NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH THE DOPE GAME........ PEACE
leighann b <lilgrl4201@aol.com>
wheeling, il` USA - Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:48:13 (HST)
My oldest son is 23 and also a heroin addict, recovering addict I might add. He spent 2 yrs in prison for retail theft and VOP charges in PA. And let me say that, that was the best thing that had happened to him in his adult life. Since being released March 1, 2003, he has led a productive life for the first time in his adult life. Hes working everyday and has stayed away from the old life style. (people, places and things) He says he will never forget where the drugs took him and will never go back to it. He has turned his life around 360 deg. and I am so very proud of him. He knows that has paid dearly for the addiction that took over his life since the age of 17, but in the same sense he knows he is lucky to be alive today. I pray everyday that the Lord continues to guide him each day, and keep him on the right path. I know it would only take one time for him to fall, and to take him back to where he was. I feel like I have finally got my son back for the first time in 7 yrs, and its a great feeling! He now worries immensely about his 2 teenage brothers. He says the drugs are so available out there around the Newark/Wilmington area and worries they might get sucked up in to it, the way he was. I worry about this too, and just hope the Good Lord, spares them and keeps them on the right path in life also. If you are an addict please get help, my son is an example that you can come back from the life of drugs, and lead a productive and happy life. If you are a parent, or friend of an addict, remember as long as there is life, there is hope, but we must not be a crutch for their addiction. Don't try to keep them from falling, the 2 yrs my son served in prison was well worth him getting his life back. He was one of the lucky ones, I'm very sorry and sad, that Erin and the other young addicts who have lost their life to their addictions, didnt have this chance also. Keep the faith and God Bless...
my3sons
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 06:51:06 (HST)
i have a treatment of hepatitis-b and c.
dr.ashu grover <ashu_grover2002@yahoo.com>
bhopal, madhya pradesh india - Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 07:29:04 (HST)
I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE AND TODAY I FEEL THE NEED TO SUBMIT ANOTHER ENTRY.MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SIX YEARS WE WERE BOTH IN JAIL IN A PROGRAM. I WAS IN THE VILLAGE AND HE WAS IN NEW HOPE, AFTER WE WERE RELEASED WE BOTH WENT TO THE CREST THIS IS WHERE WE MET. WE STAYED CLEAN FOR THREE YEARS. DURING THIS TIME WE GOT OUR FIRST APT. TOGETHER, FIRST CARS TOGETHER WE HAD ALOT OF FIRSTS TOGETHER. AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR CLOSE TO A YEAR WE GOT PREGNANT. WHEN I WAS ABOUT THREE MONTHS I FOUND OUT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH OUR BABY. THE DR'S HAD GIVEN US THE OPTION TO GET RID OF THE BABY HOWEVER WE DESIDED TO KEEP HER. SHE HAD A DISEAS CALLED GASTROSCISIS. THIS IS WHEN THE INTESTENS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BODY.THE DR'S SAID THAT AFTER THEY WERE PUT BACK IN SHE WOULD BE FINE AND THAT WE WOULD HAVE HER HOME IN ABOUT A MONTH. THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT THAT WAY. AFTER A MILLION OPERATIONS AND ALOT OF PAIN AND SUFFERING WE HAD TO MAKE THE DESION TO PUT HER THROUGH ANOTHRT ONE OR TO PULL THE PLUG AND LET HER GO. SHE WAS NINE MONTHS OLD AT THIS TIME. WE MADE THE DESION TO LET HER GO. THIS WAS THE HARDEST THING WE EVER HAD TO DO. ONE MONTH AFTER SHE PASSED AWAY WE RELAPSED. THIS WAS THREE YEARS AGO AND WE HAVE BEEN GETTING HIGH EVER SINCE. RIGHT NOW I HAVE FOUR MONTHS CLEAN. HE IS IN RCD AND IS DOING WONDERFUL. WHEN I WENT TO VISIT HIM THIS WEEKEND THEY HAVE A GROUP FOR THE VISITORS FOR AN HOUR AND THIS WEEK THEY HAD HEROIN HURTS COME IN AND SPEAK. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN TO A GROUP WHERE THE PARENTS AND SPOUSES ARE THE ONES SHARING, IT WAS SUCH A DIFFRENT EXP. TO HEAR THE OTHER HALF TELL WHAT THEY HAVE GONE THROUGH. IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT ALL THE PAIN I HAVE PUT MY PARENTS AND KIDS THROUGH. MY SON IS 13 AND HE HAS BEEN RAISED BY MY MOM AND DAD. I HAVE PUT HIM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN. IT KILLS ME BECAUSE HE TRIES SO HARD TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME. HE TELLS ME THAT WHEN I GET MY APT. HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH ME AND BRIAN AND HOW EVERYTHING THAT HE DOES HE ALWAYS ASK ME WHAT I THINK AND IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MY APROVIAL. ONE TIME HE TOLD ME THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DO HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME. MY DAUGHTER MAC IS 3 AND SHE IS ANOTHER ONE THAT LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY AND I KEEP HURTING HER. TODAY I WANTED TO GET HIGH AND I MET THIS GUY WHO WAS IN RCD WITH MY HUSBAND HE WOULD WRITE ME IN JAIL AND TELL ME HOW CLOSE HE HAD GOTTEN WITH THIS GUY, AND OUT OF NOWHERE GOD SENT HIM TO ME AND AS WE STARTED TO TALK THE URGE TO GET HIGH LEFT. I AM TELLING YOU THIS TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT GOD IS WATCHING OUT FOR US AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO SUPPORT US WE JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH. FAITH DOES WORK AND GOD WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR CORNER.
DANNIE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Monday, August 25, 2003 at 15:19:29 (HST)
I am a heroin addict i got clean 68 days ago and its very hard. Im 18 years old and am going through hell. I want to go back out so bad but i no if i do i will die. I wish that people that are not addicts would understand that we are not doing this to ourselves that this is a disease such as cancer. It can go in remision but can come back full force anytime. All my so called friends are still out there i pray for them everyday to get help. The though of going back out makes me sick but then again i remember what it feels like to get high and i want it so back but i can't i need help from others that are in recovery please write to me THANKS BROOKE
Brooke <cheer_babe35@hotmail.com>
newark, oh USA - Monday, August 25, 2003 at 08:02:16 (HST)
I am very sorry about your loss. I lost someone very special to me about a month ago because of the devil. I say the devil, because just like you, I thought of JP on heroin as being possessed by the devil. That is exactly what I would tell him. JP was my boyfriend of five and a half years, and my best friend forever. He was my everything. Just like your daughter, he too had struggled with alcohol. He attended AA meetings regularly. Just like your daughter he met the devil in AA meetings. Just like your daughter, he was wonderful and perfect in so many ways. The only way I can make sense of this is that God knew that the only way to get him away from the devil was to take him from earth. I miss him terribly. Because of heroin abuse, JP and I will never be able to live out any of the dreams that we once had. We will never be able to get married, have children, go to any of the places we would talk about going or just go to ocean city. We will never be able to go out to dinner again. I will never hear his voice on the telephone. I will never feel his arms around me. IF YOU HAVE A HEROIN ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE....HOLD ON TO THEM AND HUG THEM SO TIGHT AND NEVER LET THEM GO BECAUSE THEY ARE HURTING SO BAD INSIDE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE know that you are fighting the devil when you are fighting heroin addiction. The only way to beat the devil is through love and true understanding. I tried the TOUGH LOVE it did not work and now he is dead. IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT THINK ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND,WIFE, KIDS,MOM, DAD,BROTHER, SISTER, DOG, CAT....WHATEVER AND IMAGINE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE THAT PHONE CALL THAT I GOT AND YOUR LEGS FEELING LIKE THEY WERE RIPPED OUT OF THE SOCKET. IMAGINE YOUR LOVED ONES FALLING TO THE FLOOR SCREAMING BECAUSE THEY MISS YOU THAT MUCH. BECAUSE I PROMISE THEY LOVE YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEART JUST LIKE I LOVE JP. TRUST ME I DID NOT THINK ONE YEAR AGO THAT I WOULD BE GOING TO JP'S FUNERAL. Thank you for this sight. I wish I would have found it to show to JP before he died. Some of you still have this chance Please show this to your loved ones and tell them to imagine a page like this for them because it will happen to them and give them a great big hug and tell them you love them and you want to help. They need to hear it over and over again!
Bianca Schiazzi <bschiazzi@hotmail.com>
Waldorf, MD USA - Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 13:57:24 (HST)
I am very sorry about your loss. I lost someone very special to me about a month ago because of the devil. I say the devil, because just like you, I thought of JP on heroin as being possessed by the devil. That is exactly what I would tell him. JP was my boyfriend of five and a half years, and my best friend forever. He was my everything. Just like your daughter, he too had struggled with alcohol. He attended AA meetings regularly. Just like your daughter he met the devil in AA meetings. Just like your daughter, he was wonderful and perfect in so many ways. The only way I can make sense of this is that God knew that the only way to get him away from the devil was to take him from earth. I miss him terribly. Because of heroin abuse, JP and I will never be able to live out any of the dreams that we once had. We will never be able to get married, have children, go to any of the places we would talk about going or just go to ocean city. We will never be able to go out to dinner again. I will never hear his voice on the telephone. I will never feel his arms around me. IF YOU HAVE A HEROIN ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE....HOLD ON TO THEM AND HUG THEM SO TIGHT AND NEVER LET THEM GO BECAUSE THEY ARE HURTING SO BAD INSIDE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE know that you are fighting the devil when you are fighting heroin addiction. The only way to beat the devil is through love and true understanding. I tried the TOUGH LOVE it did not work and now he is dead. IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT THINK ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND,WIFE, KIDS,MOM, DAD,BROTHER, SISTER, DOG, CAT....WHATEVER AND IMAGINE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE THAT PHONE CALL THAT I GOT AND YOUR LEGS FEELING LIKE THEY WERE RIPPED OUT OF THE SOCKET. IMAGINE YOUR LOVED ONES FALLING TO THE FLOOR SCREAMING BECAUSE THEY MISS YOU THAT MUCH. BECAUSE I PROMISE THEY LOVE YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEART JUST LIKE I LOVE JP. TRUST ME I DID NOT THINK ONE YEAR AGO THAT I WOULD BE GOING TO JP'S FUNERAL. Thank you for this sight. I wish I would have found it to show to JP before he died. Some of you still have this chance Please show this to your loved ones and tell them to imagine a page like this for them because it will happen to them and give them a great big hug and tell them you love them and you want to help. They need to hear it over and over again!
Bianca Schiazzi <bschiazzi@hotmail.com>
Waldorf, MD USA - Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 13:57:21 (HST)
I to can feel your pain. I watched my best friend and lover struggle with a cocaine and heroine addiction for three years. About a week ago he purposely put him self in jail to try to escape his addictions. He decided he would rent a hotel room with cocaine, heroin, needles, and scales in it, and get high until the cops where called to break down the door and get him out. He thought he would get Propostion 36, but he is looking at 6 years. It just gos to show that drugs control your thoughts, and everything else. Maybe this is a blessingh in diguise, but watching someone you love fall into a hell of self destruction has to be one of the hardest things you can go through in life. Nobody can help them but themselves. I just wanted to thank you for your story. I have searched the web for chat rooms for friends and family to talk about loved ones and there drug and alcohol addictions and this is the first genuine one that I have found. There is no explaintion for drug addiction or cure , I guess it can only be found in the person dealing with it.
Sadie Thompson <flecky@sbcglobal.net>
Red Bluff, Ca USA - Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 15:44:01 (HST)
MY BOYFRIEND IS AN ADDICT!!! HE HAS BEEN DOING IT FOR THREE YEARS TOTAL.. HE WAS IN REHAB FOR A WHILE. THEN AFTER REHAB HE WAS CLEAN FOR ONLY 4 OR 5 MONTHS, THEN HE WAS BACK INTO IT.. I HAVE TRIED IT AND STILL DO IT OCCASIONALLY WITH HIM.. HEROIN DESTROYS A PERSON.. IT IS DESTROYING MY BOYFRIEND EVERY CHANCE IT GETS.. IT SEEMS LIKE HE DOES MORE AND MORE EVRY DAY.. I SAID TO HIM LAST NIGHT , "WHAT IF THE NEXT BAG YOU DO IS YOUR LAST ONE" ... HE THEN SAID THAT HES NOT GONNA DIE FROM DOING HEROIN... AND HE TOLD ME HES FINE.. HES NOT FINE.. HE HAS LOST HIS JOB OVER DOING HEROIN. HIS MOTHER WONT SPEAK TO HIM WHILE HE IS USING, AND HIS FATHER SIMPLY DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.. I DO NOT WANT TO HIM DEAD OR IN JAIL... HE HAS ALREADY SERVED TIME IN JAIL ... (A COUPLE DAYS) , AND THAT SCARED HIM SO BAD... I PRAY FOR HIM AND ALL THE OTHER FAMILY AND FRIENDS OUT THERE WHO LOVE HEROIN ADDICTS... GOD IS IN CONTROL .. I ALAWAYS REMIND MYSELF OF THAT... I LOVE HIM AND DO NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM.. I AM SORRY THAT YOU GUYS HAD TO LOSE ERIN TO A HEROIN ADDICTION.. I CANT EVEN IMAGINE LOSING HIM .. HE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.. HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.. WHEN I GET OFF WORK , WE'RE TOGETHER.. EVERY WAKING AND SLEEPING MOMENT WE'RE TOGETHER.. HE IS MY LOVE... PLEASE REMEMBER HIM IN PRAYER.. AS I WILL REMEMBER YOURS, IN PRAYER... I TELL MY BOYFRIEND THIS RIGHT BEFORE WE GO TO BED ... "SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTOUSNESS, AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU"... MAY GOD BLESS ERIN, AND WATCH OVER HER FAMILY..
n.m.s <supernovah13@aol.com>
de USA - Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 07:10:23 (HST)
my brother has been on heroin for 10 years, thats ten years of watching someone slowly waste away.Its often been said that it would have been easier if he had died because then he could be grieved him.At the moment all i feel is hate for the monster that my that heroin has created but then every now and then i see glimpses of the person that my brother used to be which makes me wonder if the quiet,placid,loving,HONEST,person is still there buried deep inside behind the pale drawn face with those dark, lying ,ashamed eyes that bare no resemblence to the person we knew and loved and maybe at one time i even looked up to, or whether this is the last remaining part of him. where is it all going to end??????
fran
leeds, united kingdom - Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 23:44:57 (HST)
I am another heroin addict who has been so moved by this site. Right now, I'm scared. I'm scared becasue I don't if I've reached my bottom, and I don't know if I'm ready to stop using ALL drugs. I keep saying, "I just can't use heroin", but I can still drink with my friends. I have been going to NA meetings and it has been helping me immensely, but i don't want to be living a lie there. I spent 7 days in detox and i don't ever want to be back. I don't ever want to stick another needle in my arm, but am i completely ready to say goodbye to the entire lifestyle. I need advice. I need someone to tell me if they feel or felt the same. I too used to cop dope the same spots where Erin did, I think of her often and my prayers are with her and her family. Thanks.
Talia
NYC, NY USA - Friday, August 15, 2003 at 08:26:14 (HST)
I am so very sorry for your loss! My son also is in Rehab for herion addiction. He has been fighting this demon for about 1 year now. I have also had to play a tough love part with him when he continued to lie to me everyday about his money problems and his drug usage. I finally told him on a Thursday evening that he had to get out but his girlfriend and their two children could stay, that was one of the most hardest things I've ever had to do! About two weeks later he was in jail for dirty yearns and I'll tell you this much I was at ease because I knew this was a chance for him to save his own life! He will do 90 days in rehab and I know as well as him that staying away from the herion is gonna be a fight from hell. They are putting him on methadone for the obsessions that he has for herion, I was wondering what opinions you have on that issue if any. I will pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing Erins story, it helped alot. Karen
Karen <momssoldier@msn.com>
York, pa USA - Thursday, August 14, 2003 at 11:49:00 (HST)
My 27 year old daughter is currently in rehab for herion addiction. I pray continually for her to make it thru and start her life anew. I am so sorry for your loss. I can only begin to imagine the pain of losing your child to a senseless death. Herion is such a demon. Continue your work spreading the news about this awful, horrible drug and the consequences of using it.If you have touched and saved one life then Erins death is not in vain.
Joyce Savelyev <savelyev@cox,net>
Norfolk, va USA - Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 17:52:24 (HST)
may God bless you and your family. keeping you in my prayers.
vallerie <mswesco@aol.com>
USA - Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 09:37:38 (HST)
Hi,I'm very sorry about your daughter. My cousin is in a rehab for heroin use as is his older brother,the one in rehab has an ex girlfriend whos pregnant and from what I've heard is still shooting up.She's due in a month and I'm scared to death to see what will happen to that baby if she really has been doing heroin while pregnant.She's my best friend but I can't do anything..I've tried everything..yelling,explaining,listening,even getting her ex boyfriend to talk to her but nothing works. I just hope that they'll be alright in the end because I couldn't live without them in my life.
Katy <monkiepunk05@yahoo.com>
PA USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 16:12:10 (HST)
I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. I HAVE THREE MONTHS CLEAN. RIGHT NOW IT DOSENT SEEM LONG TO ME BECAUSE THE URGE IS STILL VERY VERY VERY STRONG HOWEVER I KNOW THAT IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO REBUILD THE LIFE THAT I HAVE DESTROYED. I HAVE JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM PICC. IT IS ALWAYS EASY TO GET CLEAN IN JAIL IT'S THE STAYING CLEAN THAT I ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. I WAS IN THE CREAST WITH ERIN AND LOVED HER TO DEATH. THE MORNING THAT SHE WENT ON ESCAPE I HAD TALKED TO HER FOR A FEW MINUETS BEFOR SHE LEFT FOR WORK. I REMEMBER WHEN CNSLR. SCOTT TOOK ME AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE UP STAIRS TO TELL US THAT THEY HAD FOUND HER BODY IN A SHOTTING GALLERY IN PHILLY. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE MY HEART HAD BEEN TORN OUT OF MY CHEST. I LOVED HER DEARLY. A FEW YEARS LATER I MET THIS GIRL DEA WHO REMINDED ME OF ERIN. SHE HAD THAT SPECIAL PERSONALITY, SHE ALSO DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE ON VALENTINES DAY. NOW AFTER FOUR YEARS CLEAN AND THEN THREE YEARS OF USING AGAIN I AM FINALLY CLEAN AGAIN. MY DETERMINATION TO STAY CLEAN HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY. I HAVE PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL NOT END UP LIKE THESE TWO WOMEN THAT I LOVED SO DEARLY. IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE WHOLE RECOVERY PROSESS THAN PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IT WILL GET GREATER LATER AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!!!! WE ALL DESERVE BETTER THAN TO HAVE OUR LIVES RUN BY DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
DANIELLE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 04:51:51 (HST)
I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. I HAVE THREE MONTHS CLEAN. RIGHT NOW IT DOSENT SEEM LONG TO ME BECAUSE THE URGE IS STILL VERY VERY VERY STRONG HOWEVER I KNOW THAT IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO REBUILD THE LIFE THAT I HAVE DESTROYED. I HAVE JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM PICC. IT IS ALWAYS EASY TO GET CLEAN IN JAIL IT'S THE STAYING CLEAN THAT I ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. I WAS IN THE CREAST WITH ERIN AND LOVED HER TO DEATH. THE MORNING THAT SHE WENT ON ESCAPE I HAD TALKED TO HER FOR A FEW MINUETS BEFOR SHE LEFT FOR WORK. I REMEMBER WHEN CNSLR. SCOTT TOOK ME AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE UP STAIRS TO TELL US THAT THEY HAD FOUND HER BODY IN A SHOTTING GALLERY IN PHILLY. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE MY HEART HAD BEEN TORN OUT OF MY CHEST. I LOVED HER DEARLY. A FEW YEARS LATER I MET THIS GIRL DEA WHO REMINDED ME OF ERIN. SHE HAD THAT SPECIAL PERSONALITY, SHE ALSO DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE ON VALENTINES DAY. NOW AFTER FOUR YEARS CLEAN AND THEN THREE YEARS OF USING AGAIN I AM FINALLY CLEAN AGAIN. MY DETERMINATION TO STAY CLEAN HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY. I HAVE PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL NOT END UP LIKE THESE TWO WOMEN THAT I LOVED SO DEARLY. IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE WHOLE RECOVERY PROSESS THAN PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IT WILL GET GREATER LATER AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!!!! WE ALL DESERVE BETTER THAN TO HAVE OUR LIVES RUN BY DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
DANIELLE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 04:51:48 (HST)
I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. I HAVE THREE MONTHS CLEAN. RIGHT NOW IT DOSENT SEEM LONG TO ME BECAUSE THE URGE IS STILL VERY VERY VERY STRONG HOWEVER I KNOW THAT IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO REBUILD THE LIFE THAT I HAVE DESTROYED. I HAVE JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM PICC. IT IS ALWAYS EASY TO GET CLEAN IN JAIL IT'S THE STAYING CLEAN THAT I ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. I WAS IN THE CREAST WITH ERIN AND LOVED HER TO DEATH. THE MORNING THAT SHE WENT ON ESCAPE I HAD TALKED TO HER FOR A FEW MINUETS BEFOR SHE LEFT FOR WORK. I REMEMBER WHEN CNSLR. SCOTT TOOK ME AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE UP STAIRS TO TELL US THAT THEY HAD FOUND HER BODY IN A SHOTTING GALLERY IN PHILLY. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE MY HEART HAD BEEN TORN OUT OF MY CHEST. I LOVED HER DEARLY. A FEW YEARS LATER I MET THIS GIRL DEA WHO REMINDED ME OF ERIN. SHE HAD THAT SPECIAL PERSONALITY, SHE ALSO DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE ON VALENTINES DAY. NOW AFTER FOUR YEARS CLEAN AND THEN THREE YEARS OF USING AGAIN I AM FINALLY CLEAN AGAIN. MY DETERMINATION TO STAY CLEAN HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY. I HAVE PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL NOT END UP LIKE THESE TWO WOMEN THAT I LOVED SO DEARLY. IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE WHOLE RECOVERY PROSESS THAN PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IT WILL GET GREATER LATER AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!!!! WE ALL DESERVE BETTER THAN TO HAVE OUR LIVES RUN BY DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
DANIELLE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 04:51:46 (HST)
I am writing this b/c I was recently touched by someone very dear to me who struggled through life. A very beautiful 15 year old girl, who was the sweetest, nicest girl anyone could have met. She was with the wrong crowd and from time to time would pop prescription pills. It originally was her mother who got her hooked offer zanax as rewards for "being good" her boyfriend was trying to clean his act up from a heroin addiction replacing it with meth. However, he continued to use while still receiving meth. Once my friend overdosed (intentionally) on oxycontin (which is most popular w/adults and kids alike in West Virginia and SW Virginia). However, she suffered loss of hearing a heartattack and then came out of her coma. I met her in counseling. If there was one I could have picked to save it would have been her. What I would give to bring her back. The pain is overwhelming.. never going away but it washes over me like crashing waves. The point of this is that she ultimately died of a meth. overdose, whether this was intentional or accidental I will never know. But I was wondering if anyone knew of anyone I could reach about lobby governors, senators, whomever about tighter restrictions on prescription drugs. Her death was unneccesary and I DO NOT want it to be in vain. Please contact me if there is anyone you know who I can contact or if YOU would like to start a movement on our own to educate how huge this problem is. This poor girl comes from a family of addicts and she was not the first nor the last to die in her family (her aunt died just 5 days after her of an overdose) and an uncle a few years before. I can't understand why there is not an investigation into this high occurrence w/in family systems. Maybe if the obituaries would state "drug overdose" instead of sudden death or natural causes the goverment officials would start to get the picture. Our children are our future and we are letting them die! Please help me help others. Abudant Thanks and Deepest Sympathy for all of you who have been touches by a loved one overdosing. These deaths are 100% preventable. email me at leidybug@earthlink.net
Lisa <leidybug@earthlink.net>
Dover, DE USA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 17:47:58 (HST)
Just thought anyone reading this site would be interested in knowing what our Mayor is doing. In regards to the Daily News article “Mayor praises alleged drug seller” Wednesday, July 23, 2003 by Chris Brennan I was not completely surprised by Mayor Streets lack of common sense; I am appalled and disgusted that a man serving in the highest position of a major city lacks the discipline shown by most five year olds. Does the Mayor ever think before acting or speaking? His decision to back a known drug dealer shows the lack of judgment the people of this city are sadly becoming all too familiar with. As if it isn't enough to have a Mayor that shows such little moral character, now our Police Commissioner is falling in right behind him. There is no way this known drug dealer can now get an unbiased trial in this city. These men have certainly tried to influence any Judge that will handle his case. I know the Mayor states he was unaware of the upcoming hearing. Maybe he should have discussed this with the Commissioner as I'm sure if he wanted to he could have investigated and found out this information. I guess they felt no need to be accurate. In a perfect world, the Judge would not be concerned with the opinions of the two most powerful men in the city. As we all know, this is not a perfect world. The mayor says Edward "Joe-Joe" Terrell is a success story for Operation Safe-Streets. Perhaps the real success story is the police and their April 22nd raid or his house. Mayor Street is also promising to help him with his "new business". Last I knew, the money in the city belongs to the people that live and pay taxes here. I can't name one person who wants to help "Joe-Joe" with their money. (And believe me, I've asked.) We certainly can ask the mothers and families of children who died from overdoses, with drugs quite possibly bought from "Joe-Joe". If I could speak with these men, I would have to ask why they care so much about this man and yet so little about these children. There are groups of parents that meet monthly to share their loss. I invite the mayor and Commissioner to attend just one meeting and see how eager these families who have lost loved ones to drugs, are to help a drug dealer. The next meeting of "Compassionate Friends" will be Thursday, August 28th at 7:00 pm Trinity Lutheran Church, 2920 Holme Ave. in the Greater Northeast. This man should do every minute in jail that the law allows. Our society deserves no less. Celeste Dale 3699E N. Hereford La. Phila. PA 19114 215-824-3626 CDale1660@aol.com
Celeste
Phila, PA USA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 11:42:15 (HST)
I'm so sorry about Erin. I lost my 22yr old Brandon on March 6th this year. He died of a heroin overdose. Bran had a drug problem for years on and off. He too was in several rehabs and tried so hard to help himself. Heroin was the last thing that I would have thought of as he lost several friends to it. One of his friend overdosed and died in my car after they took it. He was only 17 and Bran was 15. He never did get over the guilt. We also went through the missing jewelry and money..Banks accounts drained often. None of that matters now, only the pain so incredible I don't know how much longer I can go on. He was my heart as I know Erin was yours. I pray to God they are happy now. They suffered so much in such short lives. I have found out that Brandon did call a couple of his friends that night but he was high and they did not want to deal with it again. Please, if anyone is reading this and a friend calls you, please, please answer the phone. You may just save them one more time.
Celeste <Cdale1660@aol.com>
Phila, PA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 11:06:54 (HST)
I would like to send my condolences to Erins' family and freinds. I found this website while searching for referals to help my sister who is pregnant and on heroin. At a very young age she discovered our uncle dead from a herion overdose. My family and I have had a very hard time understanding why she would use it after the death of our uncle. I am going to print Erins article and bring it to her. I just pray to God that it has the same affect on her as it has on me.
Antonia Guajardo <toni_guajardo@yahooo.com>
Lisle, il USA - Tuesday, August 05, 2003 at 08:16:04 (HST)
I don't know how often you check this but I have just gone through something very similar to you. I lost my beautiful son who had just come out of years of battling this only to finally get help, a job he loved, the ability to drive again, and was truly happy for the first time in a long time. He had a week off from counceling and drug testing and decided to go to the same area your daughter went to. He didn't make it back,I am so heart broken I don't know what to do.But I want you to know Erin's story has somehow helped me. I can't explain except that I know how hideous this drug is. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry for mine.Have
Carolyn <Kermil@comcast.net>
USA - Friday, August 01, 2003 at 09:47:16 (HST)
God bless Erin. Andy.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, Yorkshire England - Wednesday, July 30, 2003 at 05:12:23 (HST)
It tears my heart when everytime I hear of someone who has had the experience with such a life shattering substance. I was 9 years old when my dad passed on from an overdose from herion. I always told myslf i wouldn't follow in his footsteps, but i did (not with heroin) but with the disease of addiction. I am now 1 year clean and I wish i can help everyone but it is so hard. I pray for my fellow addicts everyday and ask my god to help our overactive minds.
Tara <cleanchick@webtv.net>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Monday, July 28, 2003 at 19:14:49 (HST)
I am so very sorry for you loss. My two brothers are herion addicts. My younger brother starting using at the age of 15. After 5yrs of going in and out of rehabs, he finally was able to clean himself up. He is now 3yrs clean and has turned his life around beautifully. My older brother starting using at the age of 18 and is still a mess. He is now 29. He has reached rock bottom, no money, no home, no friends, no job...lives in his car. Today, he finally put himself away. This is the last hope we have...I had prepared myself for the worst. Again, I am sorry for your loss. This drug is the WORST thing that has happened to my life, my family, my brothers. It is unbelieveable what this drug does to anyone who uses it. For everyone else out there who has never tried it.....NEVER EVER TRY IT. IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE....IT WILL MAKE YOU DO UNAMAGINABLE THINGS...IT WILL KILL YOU
Liza <LWheat@optonline.net>
Landing, NJ USA - Friday, July 25, 2003 at 07:24:50 (HST)
I have come to this site many times, and finally today i am ready to write. At 13 or 14 i began drinking with friends and smoking pot. I figured it was a right of passage, and i liked the feeling it gave me. By the time i graduated high school, I smoked almost everyday, and i had tried almost everything in the book except crack and heroin. My boyfriend and i went to the same college in Philly, and from there, addictions were born. Drugs were everywhere, drugs became my life. Finally, I tried heroin and fell in love, despite the vomiting and nausea. My boyfriend became addicted quickly, and isolated even quicker. We tried to stop after a few months but just replaced another drug in its place until we were back shooting dope again. I tried so hard to hide it from everyone. I thought i was a functioning addict, but eventually, that fell apart too. I'll never forget the hunger becasue i spent my last ten dollars on a bag. I'll never forget the day to day struggle of getting my fix. My world was crumbling before my eyes until i was forced to leave Philly and my college. I tried to stay clean when I got back to New York, but I knew I was still in danger. I kept going to see my boyfriend who now lived in Jersey and still using heroin. Every time i went to see him, we used together. Before i knew it i was addicted again. I just got out of detox two weeks ago, and i havent used since, but the fear and craving still burns inside me. For the first time i am attending N.A meetings and the hope and support i feel is overwhelming. However, the pain i have caused my family and friends is just as powerful. I never wanted to be an addict, I just trained myself to run from pain or any type of feeling for that matter. Every addict needs to read this site, I even had my mother read. I too copped at the same places Erin copped at. Addicts are like family and my heart goes out to all of us. Keep pushing on, please dont use if just for today. Thanks for letting me share.
Tye <LML88@Verizon.net>
NYC, NY USA - Wednesday, July 23, 2003 at 08:50:25 (HST)
I am the mom of 4,ages 23 to 5 years. My 2 sons,I belive have drug problems.(They are 19 and 18) I found Erins sight,when I had no where else to look for answers.my heart goes out to you and your tremdouse ,heartfelt pain,. i am so very sorry for your lose, and I thank you, for sharing your very personal pain, so that MAYBE, we may learn from your daughters death,and one person at at atime, concer the demon, that is herion
maggie <puremommy2000@yahoo.com>
riverside, n.j. USA - Monday, July 21, 2003 at 18:27:18 (HST)
Yes...CURED. I cant believe how many people buy into the nonsense they teach at metha-scam clinics. The additction as a "disease" model - is just a THEORY - its not scientific fact. As an addict, I never bought into that nonsense, and I totally blame myself and my weaknessess. Maybe thats why buprenex worked for me - I know that my addiction was my weakness, and not the fault of a "disease". Please - be open minded beyond the lies they tell you in the methadone clinics, and try buprenex. Look - take it for what its worth. I was a daily heroin user for 3 years solid - every single day. Swear to god I dont think I missed more than 3 or 4 days total in three years of use - I always scammed up a way to get it. Buprenex cured me. Before you knock it - try it. IM not telling you this for the hell of it - IM telling you this because it works, and my god - it seems that the traditional method of groups and methadone doesnt have a very good success rate. Maybe if the "disease" model wont let you ever be "cured", perhaps its time to try a new approach - try the personal responsibility and weakness model. Maybe its not a disease afterall - that theory seems to trap people for life, as well as give them an excuse. I was only able to quit for good, once I ditched the disease model and finally placed blame where it belonged - on myself. Once you hate yourself and blame yourself enough for the problem, only then can you really be cured, as I am.
tom <nyhydro50@aol.com>
nyc, ny USA - Sunday, July 20, 2003 at 13:52:57 (HST)
Yes...CURED. I cant believe how many people buy into the nonsense they teach at metha-scam clinics. The additction as a "disease" model - is just a THEORY - its not scientific fact. As an addict, I never bought into that nonsense, and I totally blame myself and my weaknessess. Maybe thats why buprenex worked for me - I know that my addiction was my weakness, and not the fault of a "disease". Please - be open minded beyond the lies they tell you in the methadone clinics, and try buprenex. Look - take it for what its worth. I was a daily heroin user for 3 years solid - every single day. Swear to god I dont think I missed more than 3 or 4 days total in three years of use - I always scammed up a way to get it. Buprenex cured me. Before you knock it - try it. IM not telling you this for the hell of it - IM telling you this because it works, and my god - it seems that the traditional method of groups and methadone doesnt have a very good success rate. Maybe if the "disease" model wont let you ever be "cured", perhaps its time to try a new approach - try the personal responsibility and weakness model. Maybe its not a disease afterall - that theory seems to trap people for life, as well as give them an excuse. I was only able to quit for good, once I ditched the disease model and finally placed blame where it belonged - on myself. Once you hate yourself and blame yourself enough for the problem, only then can you really be cured, as I am.
tom <nyhydro50@aol.com>
nyc, ny USA - Sunday, July 20, 2003 at 13:52:52 (HST)
hi,i am in tears from the story of erins addicton.i have a sister with the same problem i can relate with this so much and its awful how it had to end up,right now my sis is in prison because of something that was done in need for drugs.it is a sickness that non users cant relate to.reading this was just what my family have been thru.did u ever feel like things happen to u n nobody else? well i did, n now i can c they dont.i hope others can read this and just pass it on,i also wish people staying clean the best,its hard but i feel it can be done.god bless us:-)
tiffini <tiffaniagreeneyez@yahoo.com>
worcester, ma USA - Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 08:58:45 (HST)
Thank you for coming to the pal it was so loving of you to come uot and spread the word so this dum heroin dosnt roin anybody elses life like it did to you pretty nice babygirl.now that i knw your story i tell peole and they spread the word and maybe it will stop but i pray for you evey night that god will watch over you and your family as you thry to get through this butone day god will talk to you because god speaks to us in so many ways.i love you
Kiyona <rocaweargurl17aol.com>
newcastle , de USA - Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 03:10:06 (HST)
Thank you for coming to the pal it was so loving of you to come uot and spread the word so this dum heroin dosnt roin anybody elses life like it did to you pretty nice babygirl.now that i knw your story i tell peole and they spread the word and maybe it will stop but i pray for you evey night that god will watch over you and your family as you thry to get through this butone day god will talk to you because god speaks to us in so many ways.i love you
Kiyona <rocaweargurl17aol.com>
newcastle , de USA - Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 03:09:46 (HST)
ITS ME AGAIN!!I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANX YOU FOR COMING TO MY CHRUCH FOR THE Y.E.S PROGRAM AND TAUGHT US WHAT DRUGS AND HEROIN CAN DO TO YOU. I AM SO SORRY AOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ERIN. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY ON THAT KIND OF THINGS AND I PRAYTO GOD BUT I ALSO WHAT TO SAY THAT GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING. ONE MORE THING THAT I WANT TO SAY I WAS TOCH WHEN I WAS READIN ERINS PAGE BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME WILL I WOULD OF BEEN DOING THE PAGE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FINISH IT BECAUSE... I DO'T EVEN KNO. BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!! AND ON TUESDAY WHEN YOU CAME EVERYBODY AT THE Y.E.S PROGRAM WAS TOUCH BY WHAT YOU WAS SAYING.. PEOPLE WAS COMING OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING BEAUSE THAT HURTS PEOPLE TO KNOW TAT A VERY YOUNG CHILD WAS KILLED BY DRUG OR ANYOTHER DRUG OUT THERE... EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW HER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER AND SHE WILL BE IN MY MINE. JUST LIKE I WIL KEEP YOU AND YOUR LOVELY FAMILYIN MY MINE AND IN MY PRAYERS!!! NEED SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH E-MAIL ME OR IM ME WHATEVER YOU WANT T DO... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!
LAURIE <PRETTY1913677321@AOL.COM>
READING, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 18:47:04 (HST)
ITS ME AGAIN!!I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANX YOU FOR COMING TO MY CHRUCH FOR THE Y.E.S PROGRAM AND TAUGHT US WHAT DRUGS AND HEROIN CAN DO TO YOU. I AM SO SORRY AOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ERIN. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY ON THAT KIND OF THINGS AND I PRAYTO GOD BUT I ALSO WHAT TO SAY THAT GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING. ONE MORE THING THAT I WANT TO SAY I WAS TOCH WHEN I WAS READIN ERINS PAGE BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME WILL I WOULD OF BEEN DOING THE PAGE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FINISH IT BECAUSE... I DO'T EVEN KNO. BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!! AND ON TUESDAY WHEN YOU CAME EVERYBODY AT THE Y.E.S PROGRAM WAS TOUCH BY WHAT YOU WAS SAYING.. PEOPLE WAS COMING OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING BEAUSE THAT HURTS PEOPLE TO KNOW TAT A VERY YOUNG CHILD WAS KILLED BY DRUG OR ANYOTHER DRUG OUT THERE... EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW HER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER AND SHE WILL BE IN MY MINE. JUST LIKE I WIL KEEP YOU AND YOUR LOVELY FAMILYIN MY MINE AND IN MY PRAYERS!!! NEED SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH E-MAIL ME OR IM ME WHATEVER YOU WANT T DO... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!
LAURIE <PRETTY1913677321@AOL.COM>
READING, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 18:46:53 (HST)
ITS ME AGAIN!!I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANX YOU FOR COMING TO MY CHRUCH FOR THE Y.E.S PROGRAM AND TAUGHT US WHAT DRUGS AND HEROIN CAN DO TO YOU. I AM SO SORRY AOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ERIN. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY ON THAT KIND OF THINGS AND I PRAYTO GOD BUT I ALSO WHAT TO SAY THAT GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING. ONE MORE THING THAT I WANT TO SAY I WAS TOCH WHEN I WAS READIN ERINS PAGE BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME WILL I WOULD OF BEEN DOING THE PAGE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FINISH IT BECAUSE... I DO'T EVEN KNO. BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!! AND ON TUESDAY WHEN YOU CAME EVERYBODY AT THE Y.E.S PROGRAM WAS TOUCH BY WHAT YOU WAS SAYING.. PEOPLE WAS COMING OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING BEAUSE THAT HURTS PEOPLE TO KNOW TAT A VERY YOUNG CHILD WAS KILLED BY DRUG OR ANYOTHER DRUG OUT THERE... EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW HER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER AND SHE WILL BE IN MY MINE. JUST LIKE I WIL KEEP YOU AND YOUR LOVELY FAMILYIN MY MINE AND IN MY PRAYERS!!! NEED SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH E-MAIL ME OR IM ME WHATEVER YOU WANT T DO... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!
LAURIE <PRETTY1913677321@AOL.COM>
READING, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 18:46:43 (HST)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Thank you so much for you personal testimony. Yesterday you came to our church for our YES program and God truly blessed us with you and the New Castle Organization. My prayers of strength and encouragement are with you. It is not an easy challenge to constantly relive the tradegy that you have experienced, but I thank God thru his grace and mercy that he has kept you all this time. You made a great impact on me and the children, and we are so grateful that you took the time to be with us. I had to go to work and tell everyone about you and the ministry you have in helping others in addiction. Once again thank you for sharing your pain with us, for that you have mad a difference in more than one life, you have made a difference in mine, my husband and our five children. Our prayers are with you!
Michelle Foster <Michellefoster2@aol.com>
Reading, Pa USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 17:16:42 (HST)
I hope that your Daughter(ERIN) is is a better place and she will always be in mines and hopefully everybody eles prayer. I hope that you and your family is alright and doin fine. And I wish you and da family good luck!!! You as a parent is doin da right thin by tellin otha people that was is wrong and be PROUD of what you are doin. Because you are helpin otha people and there family.
Tiny <Pretty1913677321@aol.com>
Reading, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 15:25:02 (HST)
I hope that your Daughter(ERIN) is is a better place and she will always be in mines and hopefully everybody eles prayer. I hope that you and your family is alright and doin fine. And I wish you and da family good luck!!!
Tiny <Pretty1913677321@aol.com>
Reading, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 15:23:56 (HST)
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Erin. I have a 28 yr sister who is currently on herion and she most definitely has a death wish. But this death wish involves the whole family, not only herself! My mother is dying a very slow, painful death watching her daughter kill herself. My sister has been in the hospital twice for an infected heart valve and was told that if she continued to do herion she would live for another 2-3 months. Well this has not stopped her at all. The really bad thing about it is that she has my mom riding her around buying and picking up her dope for her because she makes her feel guilty because her father left when she was very young. Any suggestions for both of them. I have tried talking to and fighting with both of them but nothing seems to work. I think this story will also have a tragic ending and I am not looking forward to it. Thanks for your time and you are in our prayers.
Diana <TrojanTrio@aol.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Monday, July 14, 2003 at 05:24:43 (HST)
I have a cousin who died from a heroin overdose a cousin who is on it now and no one wanted to believe it they say there are no tracks no signs of it but I know I saw him he shots up in between his toes (no marks) anyways we've lost friends he lost his fiance and now he has a 3 year old to take care of I am worried for the childs sake he says he has been clean but now I see him doing cocain ectasy and smoking like a feind I know all these drugs eventually will end up leading him to the heroin again I get so worried he has his own business and he doesnt eat for days and goes out in the sun all day my cousin and I are real close and last month my aunt wanted to Baker Act him but he said he was clean and I don't know if I should turn him in or not because he is going to end up dead my Aunt believes anything he says and when he's gone she will know he was not clean he needs help WHAT DO I DO ?
Brandy
USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 08:56:17 (HST)
i want to add a thankyou as well to what i wrote,your story of erin was touching yet chilling, when i saw the name erin i choked.i guess i choked on my own fear that one day that may be me.
erin <manika519@aol.com>
philly, pa USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 08:04:06 (HST)
im so sorry. im an addict and i have a little girl of 5 yrs old, im so lost...i dont have anybody, and the worst thing of it all is that i am waiting for my rig to be brought to me by my heroin addict boyfriend right now and i just cant resist-i dont know what is going to bcome of me...
erin <manika519@yahoo.com>
philly, pa USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 07:58:24 (HST)
I went through that all my life with my dad. He died a year ago because of Heroin. I tried to talk to him but he never listened. Somebody please right back to me because I am so lost right now.
Brittany Moisa <Xx18Cutie18xX@yahoo.com>
Commerce City, CO USA - Tuesday, July 08, 2003 at 07:22:03 (HST)
God bless Erin Allen's family. I remember reading her story in the University of Delaware Review and being touched by her. I almost feel like I lost a friend even though I did not know her. I have the devastation that heroin causes and I hope that in Erin's memory, we will be able to help other young people overcome this.
sammy prado <sammy_wilm@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Monday, July 07, 2003 at 08:51:27 (HST)
Well, I think I know what to say... I'm a 30 year old heroin addict. I'm a semi-accomplished singer/songwriter/musician. I've played guitar for some very famous people throughout the past ten years. I will remain unnamed for the moment due to the fact that I am somewhat in the public eye, especially in my hometown of Cleveland. I was a semi-junkie back in the late nineties and had been clean for 3 years before running into an old drug-buddy and slowly getting back into it until now I have a habit twice as big as I did in the nineties. What seperates me from all of the junkies around me is that I still stay busy working in the music field. I don't have to steal or rob to pay for my drugs. I earn my money. And money is my only real reason for wanting to quit so bad.. It's just too expensive and it's slowly getting to the point that other things are going to suffer because of me spending all my money on heroin. So far, my rent has been paid on time, my lights are still on, my gas is still on, my phone is still on. My car has gas in it. I have cigarettes and food in my refrigerator. But that has also to do with my lifemate. She is also a junkie and she works 5 or 6 days a week. So.. We are both looking out for each other at all times.. Her habit is growing just as mine is.. Dangerously large.. I've never been to rehab and don't even know how to go about it... You see, I've spent the last ten years of my life pretty much on tour.. 10 to 11 months a year I've been touring .. Until this year.. I'm currently taking a break from the music business. A much needed break.. But since I"m home all the time now, I do more drugs.. I passed up two high profile tours because I knew it would be hard for me to cop dope in certain cities.. Noone knows that my girl and I are using.. Not even my closest friends..I came out and told my oldest brother last week. He didn't seem too shocked.. He said that he had thought that we were on something due to the weight loss and due to the fact that we hide out all the time in our place... I just played a show at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I was shooting up in the backstage area and the bathrooms. I've shot up in airplanes traveling across the states to tour. I've shot up in limos driving me to shows. All of which seems real romantic but I want out now... I don't want this life anymore ... I want to quit but I'm afraid.. My girl wants to quit too but she's afraid.. She's lived a very sheltered life before me and has never been addicted to anything before, let alone heroin... I'm afraid I'll kick and she won't make it.. Then what do I do? She says she wants to... What can I do ? Can anybody help me..? a.k.a. J.S.
K.D.F. <rocketrhythm@yahoo.com>
Cleveland, OH USA - Sunday, July 06, 2003 at 19:44:08 (HST)
I'm sorry- I've changed my email address. It's not shannondooper, it's drawgirl. If anyone would like to chat, please email me.
shannon <drawgirl7891@yahoo.com>
Pasadena, MD USA - Saturday, July 05, 2003 at 19:01:43 (HST)
I am sorry to hear about your misfortune. I am too a heroin addict. I was baffled to hear someone write that they were 'cured'. I know that I will never be cured. Once I take the drug out, I'm still an addict- clean and crazy. I have learned that I cannot solve a spiritual sickness with a physical solution. For example, I have used men, food, shopping and everything else to make me feel better. I failed to realize that my higher power is the only thing that will fill this void. This disease, the disease of addiction, is very powerful and drugs are but only a small symptom. I have been in twenty treatment centers, have had six overdoses, many suicide attempts, homelessness, prostitution, and everything else. You would think that all this would make me want to stop- but it didn't. I am twenty three and I feel like I'm fifty. I have learned to have gratitude- all these experiences have taught me about life. I realize that I am an addict so if I decide to use, I cannot blame anyone else- I have a choice. Knowone can make me use, I always have that choice. What I came to realize is that when I have a craving, I ask myself what I'm running from. What feeling do I not want to face? What am I running from? I need to start walking through my problems, not running from them. For so long I thought that I could do this by myself. Well, just because I took the drugs out, doesn't mean I'm well. Even clean, I still think crazy and distorted. I've been using drugs so long that sometimes I can differentiate a truth from a lie. The hard part is asking for help. There is a fear in that- this is a fear based disease. The hard part is going into that meeting and sharing the stuff that I don't want to share. That's recovery. Recovery is digging down deep and talking about the painful shit that I so much do not want to talk about. But, there is a freedom in that. Secrets live in the dark, and die in the light.
shannon <shannondooper@verizon.net>
Pasadena, MD USA - Saturday, July 05, 2003 at 18:18:14 (HST)
hi,I'am sorry for what happened to your daughter I USE ALSO heroin,for 20+ jears,And i'am shure that there will follow even more than 20 j.off using this medicine,that's what it is for me. bij reading this you'll maby think with that person is somthing wrong,yes there is something wrong the trade in drugs will never end ,the war on drugs by the u.s.a is lost but still going on because there are no docters who can prescribe you this medicine in such a way that it is controlebel for everybody ,so that the patient know's what he is getting,and that the buisness arround this drug for a big share controlabel comes,and when it's in the hand's of the governement or country the billion dollar war can be stopped and the money they can use for treadment of people who need help to stop,now it's working the other way arround,more homeless and criminals so they creating their own work indirect,but is this what the people want,i don't think so.if you think that the industrie arround addicts will quit there job's ,police,justice,socialworkers etc. etc. the answer is no. in collonial times a lot of money was coming from opiumtrade ,it didn't change much they still get there money from drugs just in the way they discribe for us,do you see any pos. results? only for the state free workers in prison,for having in possesion sometimes 15 year working for a so called crime,ha ha.it is whit every drug prescribed by doctor you have use and abuse if you use never more than prescribed,then you can reach a resenable age,this is something i want to add on all the condolances,don't see it only from 1 prespective.be realistic. greetings:evert.
evert <evertsmit@msn.com>
zutphen, gld. holland - Thursday, July 03, 2003 at 08:31:53 (HST)
Happy 4th. to all our children who died on heroin. My son was 20. Hunter Cristian Roberts. He died 8 months ago. I remember all the great times with fireworks when the kids were small. We were always on the beach, and every year I got them a big box. Hunter and his brother always loved the smoke bombs, and put up with my favorite, the snakes. So many good memories. It was so easy to keep the kids safe when they were small. No drugs, just camping, amusement parks, movies, fireworks...lots of good memories. If you are watching have a great 4th., Hunter. We all love and miss you. No one will ever stop loving you and your memory will never fade. You will asways be our most perfect son...Kind thoughts to all who have lost children...Holidays are difficult, I know...the memories are so powerful...and to all you heroin addicts out there, we suffer. We parents suffer YEARS of gut wrenching mind numbing pain...we suffer and suffer and suffer...I know how hard it is to quit. I get it. My son tried for 2 years and failed. But just remember, if you cannot do it for yourselves, then try to do it for your family...love to all...A Mom
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
USA - Wednesday, July 02, 2003 at 16:35:32 (HST)
i understand that buprenix can get you over the withdrawal process, but heroin addicts crave the drug for years to come. you can not just go cold turkey. if you think that is true then you are fooling yourself. many addicts aren't just using because they like the drug. something inside makes them feel like they need it. they have pain, or confusion and heroin is their godsend. so please, don't encourage the fact that this drug brupenix is your quick fix. everyone suffering from an addiction needs to seek help and go to counseling. it's the only way to overcome the demons inside you.
ruth <scrdl9@aol.com>
wickenburg, az USA - Sunday, June 29, 2003 at 10:26:02 (HST)
Nobody has to live under the insanity of heroin addiction....not with buprenex anyway. This stuff saved my life - I never heard of it before...when I spoke to the doctor for the first time, I was totally skeptical. Buprenex ? What the hell is that ? I never heard of it, and so it must be a cheap scam. Well, low and behold - it's not cheap, and it's not easy to find a doctor who will prescribe it, and...you can only get it as an injectible as of now - unless you live in europe where it's been used for over a decade....but it turned out to be a miracle drug. I couldn't believe it...I am cured. I dont mean fixed...I mean CURED. This stuff is miraculous - wards off withdrawal just as good as methadone, but no addiction. You just stop after two weeks and boom...no more withdrawal. I havent felt this good, or even this normal in 3 years...this stuff was my last shot at being normal again, and it proved successful. If you are still "living" with the insanity of Heroin addiction....do some research right away and find a doctor who will prescribe buprenex. No stupid programs, no methadone substitution nonsense, no stuid group meetings...just a straight up way to get well on your own. If you live near NYC call Dr. Ellis (76 Washington Place, NY, NY). If you don't - find a doctor who will presribe this stuff immediately - I guarantee you will not be dissapointed. If you are still living the insanity, you have no idea how good it feels to finally kick it off for good. Buprenex...look it up. You do the research.
Tom <nyhydro50@aol.com>
NYC, NY USA - Sunday, June 29, 2003 at 01:40:33 (HST)
I would like to start by sending my deepest condolences to the Allen family. I know first hand the pain heroin addiction can have on a family. I am 21 years old and my father is heroin addict. I was only 5 years old when I first learned of my daddy's drug problem. His using took my mom and two younger brothers on a constant rollercoaster. He'd go 3 monthes clean, have a relapse and be gone for days at a time. My mom finally got the courage to divorce him when I was 11. I was devastaed, but looking back, I understand why. She had had enough. Although she loved him dearly, she needed to move on.When I was 15, my father went to prison because of a robbery he'd commited to support his habit. He was gone for three and half years and was clean all that time. While in jail, he attended bible studies and claimed to have seen the light. While he was gone, my mom noticed this change and still having feelings for him, decided to give their relationship another shot. When he came home everything was great. He was working steadily, coming home at night, and being the husband and father he had never been to us. AFter a year he had a relapse. Because he was on probation, this landed him back in rehab and back to a half way house. Still, his family stuck by him. We visited every Saturday and listened to him apologize and say how this time was different. 6 months later he was living at home with us and has turned back into the same monster he was 10 yearts ago. He has no job, he steals anything he can get his hands on to earn a buck. He disappears for weeks at a time, sometimes without even a phone call. When he comes home, he cries and says how ashamed and guilty he feels. I feel as though my entire life has went full circle. Although my dad constantly lets us down, he's still my daddy and I love him. Just two days ago, he came home after a week long binge, we cried, hugged, and welcomed him back home. He was home for one night and now he's on the run again. As much as I love my dad, I'm sick of living like this. He's put me through so much pain. I don't want to turn my back on him, but I get so angry sometimes that I feel that it would almost be easier. He is killing himself. He's 47 years old and his body can't possibly take much more abuse. I don't understand how a drug can have such power over someone that it would let them throw away everything they had worked so hard to gain back. I'm so devastated that my dad chose to go back down this road of destruction knowing damn well where it would lead him. I know he loves me, but I feel as though I'm not enough. He doesn't care that he's not going to live to watch me graduate from college, walk me down the aisle, or meet his grandkids. I want him to come home, but I also want him to just get out of life because I can't take anymore of the lies and broken promises. I feel so powerless to his disease, If anyone has any advice or encouraging words, they would be appreciated. I'm at my wits end. I don't want my daddy to die.
Ericka <Ericka7885@yahoo.com>
MI USA - Thursday, June 26, 2003 at 11:53:21 (HST)
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm a 30 yr. old male from Pittsburgh,PA. I'm an addict also. I've been struggling with heroin addiction for some time now and was touched by the page you had set up in memory of your daughter. I've been clean now for 92 days and it's a struggle to say the least. I trust that she is in heaven as i speak praying for others that are going through what she & you had to endure. One day at a time Jason G
Jason Geeting <jgeetz73@yahoo.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Wednesday, June 25, 2003 at 07:21:47 (HST)
God bless Erin.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
UK - Tuesday, June 24, 2003 at 08:16:46 (HST)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR DAUGHTERS STORY TO HELP OTHERS. I AM A DRUG AND ALCOHOL COUNSELOR IN CALIFORNIA AND A RECOVERING IV METHAMPHETAMINE USER. I AM GOING TO SHARE YOUR STORY AND THE PAGE FROM ERIN'S JOURNAL WITH MY CLIENTS, SO THAT THEY MAY HEAR YOUR PAIN AND THINK OF THEIR OWN PARENTS. I WAS VERY TOUCHED BY YOUR STORY AND UNDERSTAND YOUR DAUGHTER'S PAIN WELL, I AM SURE THAT SHE DID NOT PASS IN VAIN, HER EXPERIENCE WILL HELP OTHERS. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. BETH HIRSCH
Beth Hirsch <bethy_baby@attbi.com>
Sacramento, Ca USA - Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 07:46:37 (HST)
i am so sorry for your loss .words cant say enough.i my self am fighting the devil,as is my faimly. as any addict will tell you and as you know they come along for the ride. i am twenty five years old with a beutiful three year old. that does not desere a junkie for a mother.if my own baby girl put me throgh this hell ive put my own faimly throgh i dont know if i could handle .to see your child hurting.my heart goes out to you ,and my own faimly who i would never hurt in the right state of mind god bless you and every adict that is suffering.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:23:55 (HST)
i am so sorry for your loss .words cant say enough.i my self am fighting the devil,as is my faimly. as any addict will tell you and as you know they come along for the ride. i am twenty five years old with a beutiful three year old. that does not desere a junkie for a mother.if my own baby girl put me throgh this hell ive put my own faimly throgh i dont know if i could handle .to see your child hurting.my heart goes out to you ,and my own faimly who i would never hurt in the right state of mind god bless you and every adict that is suffering.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:23:55 (HST)
there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:06:56 (HST)
there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:06:55 (HST)
there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:06:55 (HST)
there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:06:04 (HST)
there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:02:11 (HST)
I am sorry Erin has died. I often wonder in the role that I have taken on as a fostercarer "heroin must be the most wonderful drug in the world" My husband and myself and our children have loved and cared for many children over the years that have come to us as a result of their "heroin addicted parents". Newborn babies born so addicted to smack that they scream, convulse, contort for 23 hours a day or maybe thats 24 hours a day. Have you ever had to give a newborn baby morphine every couple of hours so they dont start withdrawing and die a most painful death. What about the child that was found by the police sitting in a filthy mess of a house full of addicts with a tourniquet wrapped around her neck sucking on a syringe! I have met their parents, cried with them, become angry and despaired with them. I have lined up at hospitals to collect the babies morphine with the other addicts and have been made to feel like a complete loser with people suspecting that I have caused the problem. My husband and I were both lucky to have "normal" (whatever that means these days) happy, wonderful upbringings. We both did leave home at young ages and smoked too much pot and drank to much alcohol. Sometimes I wonder that if I was ever offered heroin in those days would I have given in to temptation in a weak moment. Im not sure, so I try to put myself in the addicts position for a while. But how could you time and time again have this little baby in one hand and heroin in the other and consistantly pick the drug of your choice? Thats why I feel that Heroin must be the best thing in the world because for the rest of us there would be no other choice! Oh and that little 18month old baby girl, she is a wonderful, beautiful, chatty 6 year old girl, who is spending her life living with a family that love her and care for her more than what her own birth mother did. She is very happy with us.
jacky rogers <fostercare.jacky@bigpond.com.au>
eden, nsw australia - Thursday, June 12, 2003 at 15:06:15 (HST)
erins mum im really sorry to hear about ur daughter.im glad i found this site but i just want to let u know that its very hard to stop and ive been to rehab 3 times in 4 months for cocaine and heroin but it didnt work. i know the pain erin was going through and i hope she rests in peace ill pray for her. as for me im 19 and clean for 5 days.i know ill use again but im on detox now. i really need to talk to someone and have alot of questions to ask about heroin. can anyone help.
gege <gege_666@hotmail.com>
london, UK - Wednesday, June 11, 2003 at 02:59:17 (HST)
Erin's story moved me, she was obviously a very bright and intelligent girl.Erins story broke my heart, so much so i found it difficult to keep on reading so much pain caused by a little bit powder sadly it goes on & on it never stops. sorry
siobhan <->
glasgow, scotland - Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 08:15:43 (HST)
If Mr. Brown Jr. would like to post his e-mail address I am sure he would receive some replies that might interest him. Or alternatively he can write to me personally my e-mail address is attached. Jim Moran
Jim Moran <ferryfc10@hotmail.com>
Chester, UK - Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 03:12:15 (HST)
the person i love is in rehab after overdosing on heroin, being in a comma for two months and now being clean for a little over a year. at first i thought, wow, he is gonna make it, he will never go back to drugs. but i am terrified that he will. he loved it, he really did and i don't know what to excpect from him. it's a lifetime battle, am i that strong. oh god, help me.
ruth <scrdl9@aol.com>
wickenburg, az USA - Saturday, June 07, 2003 at 16:25:58 (HST)
My little sister passed on from a heroin overdose almost 2 years ago now. On July 10th it will have been two years. And as you can see, I'm still here. She's not, but I am still here missing her, and wishing it never happened. I don't think she was even on it for two years. But that short time of use for her turned into a lifetime of sadness and regret for everyone around her. For me, and I'm sure also for my other sister who just turned 16 (she was 14 then), and my mom and dad, and my Grammy, etc. It is so sad to me that every time I visit this website there are so many more entries of addicts and freinds of addicts. I wonder if it will ever end. Every once in a while I see her in my dreams. Not every night, but sometimes. And she is always so beautiful, and so normal, just how I remember her. Like she never left. And every time this happens I hope that I never wake up. But, of course, I always do. On the night that I am lucky enough to really not wake up, I hope that I see her in heaven. Thank you Ms. Allen for giving us a place to express our feelings. I owe you the bit of sanity I have left. Erin will be in my prayers. It seems that at least she did not go in vain, as so many have. She will live on through every life that you save, and through their children and grandchildren. Eventually you could populate a whole city with the decendants of those who you have saved, I'm sure. She shall be a queen among angels. And what a noble fate that is. As Jesus walks through heaven, perhaps he will give her a nod and say, "A woman who sacrifices herself for the greater good of humanity, nice. Let's go out some time." You never know how it all works up there. Bon soir.
Chrissy <chrissyperris@yahoo.com>
Natrona Heights, PA USA - Friday, June 06, 2003 at 23:22:44 (HST)
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/ Please call by sometime...ex-addicts and current addicts welcome. Also welcomes families of addicted people. God Bless Erin.
Andy. <N/A>
USA - Friday, June 06, 2003 at 08:20:08 (HST)
I have seen a documentary film consisting of spliced=together tv 'specials' on research into using a derivative of the Iboga plant called "Ibogaine". There has been some limited (former heroin addicts losing the craving/desire for the drug for years) success, but at the time of the making of the documentary (late 1990's?) there was more research to be done and no govt's or businesses were funding research. Some of the research being done with people, I believe took place in Panama (and maybe Brazil). Try a search on the internet, perhaps. Good luck and blessings. Annie
Annie
Northampton, Ma USA - Tuesday, June 03, 2003 at 16:40:47 (HST)
My boyfriend was on herion for the past year with in the mean time I got pregant. I had no clue he was doing and one day broke down and told me. He went throught detox and is now clean. This just happened 2 weeks ago, the baby is due in a week and half. How do I help him stay clean and keep him strong. oh he was doing it with his brother and his brother doesn't want help. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
angel
Fox Lake , il USA - Tuesday, June 03, 2003 at 09:30:32 (HST)
The poem mentioned earlier by sonyapictures 'Take Me In Your Arms' was written many years ago by undercover detective Duncan MacLaughlin, while serving on the Drug Squad at Scotland Yard. His book, 'The Filth' makes compelling reading for anyone who has had a loved one fall foul of the effect of drugs.
Jill <shearerja@aol.com>
London, UK - Saturday, May 31, 2003 at 07:29:56 (HST)
I was so sorry to hear about your daughter. My boyfriend is a heroin addict, he used to inject up to 15 times a day, since being on the methadone programme he has cut down to about 2-3 times a day. but he has been on methadone for 2 years. I am not an addict, i have never touched any sort of drug, but i dont know what to do, he is my life, i love him so much and would do anything fr him, we have been through so much, I just dont want to come home and find him dead. I am at my wits end. I think your very brave to tell Erins story, when my boyfriend gets home ill make him read it, hopefully it will have some sort of affect. He does want to get off it. God Bless
Lindsay <lbdh1824@tiscali.co.uk>
UK - Saturday, May 31, 2003 at 05:24:07 (HST)
I have a friend. Her name is tara. She was so pretty before she started to use heroin. She became so violent and ignorant to me and others around her. But heroin has gotten ahold of her mind and her body. She shared a needle and has contracted hepatitisB. She is very sick and all because of heroin.
joe <boltboisk8@bolt.com>
port deposit, maryland USA - Thursday, May 29, 2003 at 04:53:55 (HST)
To Beebo, Erin was in a treatment facility that was part of our prison system. I will keep you in my prayers. I know you can get clean, ask yourself if it's worth your life. God Bless Marie
Marie
USA - Thursday, May 29, 2003 at 03:55:32 (HST)
I am 20 yrs old and have been on heroin for the last 4 yrs.Now I'm 4 months clean.I found your site very helpful because when I feel bad and my mind thinks of heroin I take a look at your site and I remember how painful it is to be a heroin addict.I pray that GOD helps me and so to Erin.Thanks for your story and keep fighting against this fu__ing heroin.
J.C.
Malta - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 07:35:20 (HST)
I am 20 yrs old and have been on heroin for the last 4 yrs.Now I'm 4 months clean.I found your site very helpful because when I feel bad and my mind thinks of heroin I take a look at your site and I remember how painful it is to be a heroin addict.I pray that GOD helps me and so to Erin.Thanks for your story and keep fighting against this fu__ing heroin.
J.C.
USA - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 07:34:59 (HST)
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am a heroin addict to and I am having trouble getting off it. Now that I have heard this story I pray it helps me. i am so sorry again to hear and would like to kno what kind of treatment shewent through when she was clean. Please put it on this page. I will visit again to see if you have answered!
Beebo
Mindrixville, oh USA - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 06:50:05 (HST)
Mrs. Allen: I can only commend you on your bravery and resolve to somehow turn your personal tragedy into a message of hope. Your story hit too close to home, especially when I saw the photo of your Erin's gravestone and I realized she was only 21 years old when she died. I lost a very close friend who was also 21 at the time of her death. She had stuggled with heroin addiction for a few years, in and out of rehabs, detoxifying over and over only to relapse in terrible agony, getting methadone treatment but running out of money to sustain the treatment and ride back and forth from Wilkes-Barre to Phillipsburg, NJ. I helped her as much as I could. She moved in with me in October 2001 as she had lost her apartment and had nowhere else to go. Her parents had divorced and moved far away and she needed help. I did the best I could to support her financially in her methadone treatments, but it eventually became too much, almost as much as her heroin habit itself and she left me in February 2002. I was deeply saddened to see her go--you can grow quite close to someone you live with, even for a short time as this was. What was worse, the future did not look good for her. But she went through detox and a short-term rehab and was clean when she came back to me in June. I was so happy to have her back that I lost sight of the fact that money I had around the house was disappearing and credit cards were stolen. She felt bad and left my home after I asked her what had happened to the money and the cards. I was heartbroken again at seeing her leave. I discovered a few days later that she had gotten so desparate that she broke into my house and stole checks out of my check book and forged my signature on them to get cash for her addiction. I reported this to the police and they picked her up on an outstanding drug paraphenalia charge and housed her in the county prison. She was not given the treatment she needed and came to such despair as to hang herself by a prison towel in her lonely cell. She lapsed into a coma from which she never recovered and died on 31 Oct 02 after being taken off the resuscitator. I can never forgive myself for calling the police. I wanted only to protect my home from future intrusion and I lost someone who was precious to me in the process. Her parents share the tragic common bond with you of having lost their beautiful 21 year old daughter to the demon of this drug. I for my part have committed to try and somehow make a difference in the community's war on drugs. Everyday I suffer the loss of my beautiful Crystal Leigh, but I can only imagine how it must feel to be a parent and lose your daughter at such a young age to such a tremendous tragedy. I would appreciate it you could write or call these folks and let them know that there is healing and hope with God's love. Or maybe they could write to you. We all need hope and strength and God gives us each other to share our stories and our dreams for a better tomorrow. Someday we will see and hold our little angels again. "I am the Resurrection and the Life" saith the Lord. "Whosoever believeth in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever believeth in Me and lives, shall never die." I've found comfort and strength in these words of hope; I pray God helps you to find the same. We must wipe out this scourge and heal all who suffer from it.
Kevin <kmill@epix.net>
Wilkes-Barre, PA USA - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 05:35:08 (HST)
I was so sorry to hear of your sad loss. perhaps erin's story will prevent someone else from taking the same road, hopefully, and by doing so prevent another sad loss of life. i work with heroin users here in chester and see, every day, the sad waste of life that is described in erin's story.
jim moran <ferryfc10@hotmail.com>
chester, u.k. - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 04:26:01 (HST)
I don't have an e-mail address; above is my fiancee's. I was stunned as I typed in "heroin" and then hit Search. I scrolled down and saw my own name! I have had an on/off struggle with opiates myself. I am now two weeks clean. It breaks my heart to read Erin's story. It strikes a deep chord in me to hear of anyone dying from this disease I am so familiar with myself. But to see my own name alone hit me hard. I can't describe the surge of emotion I felt reading the powerful story of a woman who has the same and stuggle as me. To Erin's family, I cannot express just how sorry I am to learn of the loss of this beautiful person. You have done a beautiful and generous act to share Erin's legacy with others. Marie, I admire both your courage and generosity for sharing Erin's life with others. She certainly reached me.
Erin J. Allen <jlamae@c21citiwide.com>
Stoneham, MA USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 21:09:50 (HST)
Hi Marie, I was so moved by your story tonight at Coughlin High school watching the video I saw my daughter Lindsey she also asked me to play a favorit song at her funeral It's Over the rainbow by Tori Amos how sad that is. I can understand why you share your story I know for myself it helps me to talk about my daughter she is about 40 days clean & she has never been clean longer than 90 days out of rehab that scares me but I know I am powerless! All I can do is pray for her, I know you are very busy but if you can let me know when you are coming back to our area there are some other people who would love to hear your story too what a wonderfull person you are to do this along with the other 2 people May God Bless you all I will pray for you & your family & of course Erin Kathy
Kathy Lindsey's MOM <Kathy4gls@aol.com>
Wilkes-Barre, Pa USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 17:11:37 (HST)
Hi Marie, I was so moved by your story tonight at Coughlin High school watching the video I saw my daughter Lindsey she also asked me to play a favorit song at her funeral It's Over the rainbow by Tori Amos how sad that is. I can understand why you share your story I know for myself it helps me to talk about my daughter she is about 40 days clean & she has never been clean longer than 90 days out of rehab that scares me but I know I am powerless! All I can do is pray for her, I know you are very busy but if you can let me know when you are coming back to our area there are some other people who would love to hear your story too what a wonderfull person you are to do this along with the other 2 people May God Bless you all I will pray for you & your family & of course Erin Kathy
Kathy Lindsey's MOM <Kathy4gls@aol.com>
Wilkes-Barre, Pa USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 17:11:34 (HST)
I have no way of making your family feel better from the loss of your child.i am so sorry.you came to my school today and your daughters pictures were so sad.i could only imagine how hard it is.you have given me a new view on life. i thank god i am not hooked on drugs.i will never try any drug due to your program.thank you for showing me how bad drugs are and someday you will see your daughter again. i promise you this please never lose hope of that for one day it will all be better.god bless and protect you.-justin-
Justin <tampalightning35@yahoo.com>
Wilkes -Barre, Pa USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 12:32:52 (HST)
My son's friend came over to talk a few days ago. She said her friends started smoking heroin, and she could not stop them, so she tried it. It's such an amazing feeling, imagine the entire chemical that fills the pleasure center in the brain flooding it all at once. She smoked it for 2 months, then she went on a school trip to Mexico. For the first 3 days of the trip, she was horribly sick. She said she stayed in the shower all day. Her friend told her she was going through withdrawals. She was horrified and disgusted, and after 2 weeks on the trip, totally straight. She never tried it again. She's in college now. She was lucky. A few more months, and you can't stop so easily. My son died, he inherited a lot of money, about the same time he met a heroin addict. They partied every day for 6 months. My son realized he was hooked and tried to detox. He went through 8 re-habs, I de toxed him 5 times, jail twice. But the pull was always too strong, and the people were always there to encourage him back on it. After all, heroin addicts need money and rides and will take any one down with them, to avoid the pain of withdrawal. My son overdosed Nov. 4th. 2002, the day before my birthday. People brought flowers and presents, but my life is over. The joy is gone. What can replace a child? He was just 20. Why can't we get rid of this drug?? Why is it so available, and so cheap? No one wants to be a heroin addict, kids try it thinking, not me, I won't get caught us in it, but they do....and the parents suffer
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
Malibu, Ca USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 07:48:18 (HST)
i've been using for only a few months... i'm 22 and after this short time things are falling apart... on an average day i was shooting about 3 bags a day... some days less, some more. i stopped injecting heroine about a week ago and have been clean for about 3 days... i'm glad i got to read over some of ur stories and i thank you... heroine is the devil... i haven't left my room in days and can only hope the sickness will go away soon
Alan
PA USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 06:57:40 (HST)
Hello: Several months ago I followed my doctor’s advice and joined a methadone program in order to be able to recover form a crippling depression and periodic drug abuse. My utter ability to function had led to the loss of my business and I had plunged into an enormous amount of debt. At the time it seamed as the only solution which might save my life by helping me regain my functionality and ability to cope with life. Less than tree months after I joined the program I went on a schedule of decreasing the methadone intake with 10 mgr every 3 weeks. I was on 90 mgrs in beginning of March and I am on 50 mgrs now. Last year I kicked cold turkey a self-imposed street methadone “maintenance”. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I am absolutely terrified thinking about the horror of a detox and at the same time I am determined to end my addiction to methadone in the quickest possible way. I feel like I’ve wasted my life and I might not get another chance to regain it. Please help me if you can! Any suggestions? Similar experiences? Clinics? Etc. Thank!
Bluemoon77772002 <Bluemoon77772002@yahoo.com>
NYC, NY USA - Monday, May 26, 2003 at 12:02:51 (HST)
I'm very sorry for your loss. I was 'captured' by heroin two years ago, I'm on methadone now but it is still very hard and almost impossible without the support of a good doctor and parents. The most important thing to do is to get something that comes in place for the kneedle. You must have a hobby or something that you can do, that intrests you also and that you like doing so that you can put your mind into other things. Never give up hope and always keep believing in them, they are in need of love and understanding!
Kris
Antwerp, Belgium - Monday, May 26, 2003 at 05:55:42 (HST)
My son Hunter died Nov 4th. 2002. I am getting by day by day, as I'm sure you do also. Some days are hard, like today when his friend stopped by, just to talk. Last night I slept with his shirt, it still smells of his cologne. My son just turned 20, he also tried several times to quit but it is almost impossible. They say it takes 18 months for the chemical to get back into the brain the the heroin depletes. I had my son put in jail to detox him because I thought he was going to die. He was in and clean for 3 months. When he got out, he overdosed. He was so happy when he first got out. full of hope and plans, But he didn't have a chance, that drug is just too overpowering. I found him on the beach, dying. I just thought he was sleeping, he died a few hours later. God I love him and miss him so much every day. God bless our children, and all who fall under this horrible horrible drug...Christa a mom
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
Malibu, Ca. USA - Sunday, May 25, 2003 at 16:22:51 (HST)
I am now in your shoes. My daughter has been an addict for 3 years that I know of. She has been on methadone, she got kicked out of the program I don't really know the reason why.. She has lied to us and used every bit of money she could get from us, sold her things and the childrens things, stole from friends. Last month things really got out of hand and she left home and didn't come back. I am taking care of her children. She was finally arrested and is in jail. I will not bond her out. She will have to stay there 30 days,hopefully we can arrange some rehab for her. If not she will be right back in the same mess. I cannot help her anymore. She is going to have to clean up or take the consequences. Some times I hate her for ruining her life this way. To think of dealing with this for more years is almost more than I can handle. I know that the chances of her quiting are almost nil.
anon
USA - Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 09:36:47 (HST)
i was deeply moved by your story. i really saddens me that this evil drug can ruin so may peoples lives. I now realise just how many people r suffering from this terrible drug. instead of people calling heroin addicts junkies or smack heads they should be doing all they can to help those desperate people in need. but you must not forget that you can only help an addict if they are willing to be helped. god bless you and your family. erin rip
kelly <www.cecillpil@yahoo.com>
barnsely, uk uk - Monday, May 19, 2003 at 04:19:41 (HST)
WELL I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. I MUST TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY ABOUT ME. I AM TYPING YOU THIS ON MAY 18TH 2003. LAST SUMMER IN JUNE OF 2002 I HAD BEEN ON NARCOTIC PAIN MEDS FOR ALONG TIME AND WAS ADDICTED TO THEM, WELL IN JUNE LAST YEAR I RAN OUT OF MY PILLS I WOULD EAT THEM LIKE CANDY AND ANYWAY I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK (WITHDRAWING) FROM NOT HAVING ANYMORE PILLS SO MY NEIGHBORS THAT I HAD MADE FRIENDS WITH SAID THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME OUT IN THE MORNING WITH A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED HEROIN WELL I HAD HEARD ABOUT HEROIN AND HOW NASTY OF A DRUG IT WAS AND I WAS SCARED TO TAKE IT SO I GOT ONLINE AND WENT TO HEROIN.COM AND I SAW ERINS STORY SO I READ IT AND WAS ALMOST IN TEARS AND TOLD MYSELF I WOULD NEVER DO IT. WELL THE NEXT MORNING ROLLED AROUND AND I WAS FEEELING HORRIBLE SO I WENT OVER THERE AND SHE SAID WELL DO YOU WANT THIS OR NOT I SAID I GUESS SO I SNORTED A LITTLE AND IT HURT REALLY BAD BUT IN A FEW MINUTES I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND SAD TO SAY I HAD A THREE YEAR OLD AT THAT TIME SO I HAD TO FEEL BETTER SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER BUT I WAS LIKE I AM NOT ADDICTED BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT THEY SAY YOUR HOOKED BUT I WAS CONVINCED I WAS'NT IN ALL REALITY I WAS NOT PHYSICALLY, BUT MENTALLY HOOKED SO ANYWAY TIME WENT ON A FEW MONTHS PASTED BY AND I STARTED TO BEGIN BUYING IT MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL I WAS FULL BLOWN INTO MY ADDICTION I CAN RELATE TO WHAT ERIN HAS DONE AND FELT YOU WILL DO ANYTHINHG AT ANY COST TO GET SOMEMORE AND I DID THAT FROM STEALING FROM WALMART EVERYDAY TO PROSTITUTING TO TAKING BACK MY DAUGHTERS TOYS, CLOTHES SELLING EVERYTHING I OWNED UNTIL I HAD NOTHING LEFT I EVENTUALLY LOST MY APARTMENT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES GOT CALLED ON ME AND I ENDED UP LOSING MY BABYGIRL . I WAS DEVASTATED AND SO I BEGAN USING MORE ,SHE GOT TAKEN FROM ME ON DECEMBER 30TH 2002 AND MY LAST DAY OF USING WAS ON FEBRUARY 17TH 2003 DUE TO GETTING RIPPED OFF AND HAD NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO CALL AN AMBULANCE BECAUSE I WAS SO SICK SO I WAS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL AND ADMITTED FOR TEN DAYS THEN MY CPS WORKER SENT ME TO DETOX FOR TEN DAYS THEN AFTER DETOX TO PROSPERITY COUNSELING AND TREATMENT CENTER IN SUMNER WA I WAS THERE FOR 42 DAYS AND IT WAS ROUGH BUT IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPEND TO ME I LEARNED ALOT OF LIFE SAVING TOOLS TO KEEP ME CLEAN. I KNOW THAT TREATMENT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK FOR ONE BUT AT LEAST THEY TRIED AND HEROIN REALLY TAKES OVER IT IS THE DEVIL I MARRIED IT, ANYWAY AFTER 42 DAYS OF INTENSIVE INPATIENT I THEN WENT TO A RECOVERY HOUSE IN DES MOINES WA AND WELL THAT DID NOT WORK OUT BUT I AM DOING GREAT I MET A GUY IN THE NA PROGRAM HE HAS 5 MONTHS HE IS ANOTHER BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPEND TO ME TODAY IS THE 18TH AND ON THE 20TH I WILL HAVE 90 DAYS CLEAN AND AM ON MY WAY TO GETTING MY CHILD BACK. MY CONDOLENCES AMELIA TRAUT.
AMELIA TRAUT <HANNAHANNE@HOTMAIL.COM>
FEDERAL WAY, WA USA - Sunday, May 18, 2003 at 08:46:11 (HST)
I know how overwhelming all of this has been and is continuing to be for you and your family. I sympathize with the trauma, crisis, and tragedy you all have undergone.

My daughter is a herion addict. She was just recently arrested and had been on the drug for about a year and a half. She went through one week of detox and is now on her way to drug rehab through the court system. Already, before she has even made it into rehab, she has fallen back into her addiction. I know that this is a road to hell and there is not getting off of it for many until prison or the point of death. I understand what it means to be a mother of a daughther on Herion. I am there in your steps right now.

I'd rather see her in prison than dead though to be honest with you and others reading my story. There is no covering up for her or hiding her addiciton. I am in full and complete cooperation with the courts and the medical establishments such as Detox and Rehab.

I don't know what else to say to you or any others here except that you must protect your ownself, offer support to the victim, and keep encourgaging them to go straight and get help. Sometimes, even that is not enough, and I realize that. Prepare for the worse is all I can advise anyone because that is exactly where you are headed with a Herion addict.


C.W. <madameblackrose@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, GA USA - Saturday, May 17, 2003 at 08:29:20 (HST)


For David Brown Jr. I am from Ohio and I know that you"re in a small town and probably do not get out much. You obviously know nothing about drugs and the people who become involved. Many are educated, brought up properly and come from financial means. Drugs have nothing to do with the issues you claim to know so much about. I might add also that this is a site for honor, love and rememberance. There are many other sites out there to discuss your beliefs. Spend your time more wisely than showing all of us your lack of knowledge.
Carol ---- Michael's mom
Minneapolis, USA - Saturday, May 17, 2003 at 03:55:09 (HST)
~Mrs.Allen~ I want to thank you SOOOO very much for comming to my school Octorara Middle School you have changed a lot of people's minds I think if not atleast mine! I have never done heroin before and I am sooooo glad for that. I don't really kno any of my friends that have none of my friends do that! I guess I hang out with a good crowd and I hope it stays that way. Your story about erin made me cry. I have never touched heroin, did heroin or even never been offered it which is really good. I couldn't thank you enough for you comming to our school I hope you changed people minds about it and I hope peolple that have family members that are addicted to it the best of luck. I have never had a family member that died from heroin or and drug. I just want to say sorry for your loss of your daughter I kno what it feels like to loose a family member but i dont kno how it feels to loose a family member to drugs. It must be hard for you if I could I would sit there all day and listen to people storys about heroin I could listen to yours a million times. It must be hard to loose a daughter I have never lost a sister or brother I couldn't live if my sisters or brother died. I just want to thank you again for comming to my school to change my life you are a hero to me!! If you want to e-mail me back you can I would really love that a lot.
Stephanie Tarloski <HottChickSteph01@hotmail.com>
Atglen, pa USA - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 13:25:10 (HST)
Re: David Brown. Quote "illiterate, no sense of grammEr." You cannot surely criticze other peoples grammar...when you can't even spell the word correctly yourself! "Grammer"...(With an A you illiterate). You foolish man. Andy.
Andrew Marshall-Muff <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, England - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 10:37:34 (HST)
God Bless. http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/
Andrew Marshall <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, England - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 10:25:40 (HST)
Mrs. Allen -- I just wanted to say thank you one more time for coming to Octorara and sharing Erin's story. I grew up in Philly and lived up the street from a drug dealer. Since then my family has moved, but I was amazed that someone was actually addressing this problem and that people were willing to come all the way from delaware just to talk to us. May God bless you
a student
atglen, PA USA - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 at 09:49:07 (HST)
Once you become an aquantince of the dragon it is veary diffacult to break free of its wrath. Some can go on for years without letting the path become a blur...Always in control...Some can no longer will themselfs to stay within there limits..They go mad and the dragon takes them. Out of 20 I am the only one left. The dragon will never get me.
evol
Chicago, il USA - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 at 09:26:44 (HST)
I just want to say thanks for comming to Octorara Middle School to talk about Heroin. I now know the full efects of it and will be sure never to use it.
Anonymous
Cochranville, PA USA - Tuesday, May 13, 2003 at 08:02:35 (HST)
In regards to Laura, you are a fine one to talk about the use of capital letters and spelling.
Bill Havireid
CA USA - Monday, May 12, 2003 at 08:38:14 (HST)
I JUST WANTED TO REPLY TO THE IDIOT DAVID BROWN JR. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE TO WRITE YPUR COMMENTS ON HEROIN ADDICTS. HAVE YOU GOT ANY SENSITIVITY? THE LADY WHO PUT THIS SITE TOGETHER LOST HER DAUGHTER THROUGH HEROIN AND HAS TRIED TO HELP OTHERS OUT THERE SUFFERING FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE. YOU SAY THAT HEROIN ADDICTS ARE ILLITERATE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN USE CAPITAL LETTERS CORRECTLY. GET A LIFE YOU POMPOUS IDIOT!! I'D ALSO LIKE TO ADVISE THE LADY WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS USING HEROIN. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TREAT HER EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID BEFORE SHE WAS AN ADDICT. SHE NEEDS SELF ESTEEM AND SELF CONFIDENCE IF SHE IS TO GET CLEAN. PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT IGNORING HER OR MAKING HER FEEL LIKE RUBBISH WILL HELP HER. IT WON'T!! GOOD LUCK QWITH THE FUTURE. I HOPE SHE MAKES IT.
LAURA
USA - Sunday, May 11, 2003 at 03:45:10 (HST)
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I've read some of the comments on this post and notice most are current/past heroin addicts. I am neither. I am a concerned friend to an addict and don't know what to do for her. It is scary to me, she lives across the states from me and I feel I am not able to do anything for her. I pray and send her well wishes weekly. Anyone reading this that is a current or former user, please help me out on this. What do you as "addicts" need from your friends/family? What can we do to help you, show you we love you, and get you to help yourself? I am a very dedicated, loyal, and loving friend and I want to help my best friend who is miles away. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to e-mail me, it will be much appreciated. Thank you and good luck to you all!
Electra <electralil@hotmail.com>
Navajo Nation, NM USA - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 09:16:16 (HST)
I find it repulsive that so many people have the 'guts' to try these drugs, but become cowards when it is time to quit. you do have a choice to use heroin, or any other drug. so why does it seem that the users always blame 'society' for their personal problems. if their life is so bad, then why don't they just commit suicide. I have also noticed that drug addicts also seem to be illiterate, with no sense of grammer or usage. why don't you get a job, an education, or maybe a life.
david brown jr.
mentor, oh USA - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 07:44:53 (HST)
A poem for Everyboby out there: Just befor i shoot myself I'd like to leave this poem,for the people on the streets and for my folks at home, Beware of drugs of any kind,addiction is no lie, it happens each and every day to folks like you and i. I thought i led a normal life and "straight" people were odd. I do believe in Jesus,but heroin is my God. If you had called me an addict,just two months ago. Id probably have shot you and taken your cash for a blow. I realise my addiction now,and this is why i write; Before i pull the trigger so you may hear my plite. Please stay away from all these things,they will stuff up your mind. They will leave you jobless on the street,and estrange you from mankind. If i wasn't mixed up in this hit,imagine where i'd be, I'd have a job,a home,a loving family. But i dont have my God this drug possesses me. To you another drug addict to me reality. If i were only brave enough i'd try to start again.But i know i'd dissapoint myself and cause myself more pain. Thus i choose the cowards path by comiting suicide.My drug and i will separate for my body will have died. Now..... May the lord who made us all,forgive me for my wrongs. For lying,stealing,all those things. And lord my final one, Good-bye Mom, Good-bye Dad, I let you down i know, Forgive me. But i fucked it up and now i have to go.
Unknowen <#>
#, # SA - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 01:55:04 (HST)
Im extreemly sorry to hear about your loss, I have been clean now from heroin for about 4 weeks,during my drugging years i always thought the world owed me something,For two years i was in and out of hospitals and rehabs and still nobody could see a differance in my life, My family got to a stage were they were just waiting to get a call regarding my heroin related death, I booked myself into a private rehab in April 2003 for the detox, and in hospital i almost died coming off the heroin, I have now been clean for 4 weeks and im getting married to a wonderfull man in the future, but the thoughts of going back to heroin haunt me daily. Lots of love traci
Traci Jagemann <acideyes2003@yahoo.com>
Johannesburg, South Africa - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 01:19:18 (HST)
Both of my brothers a heroin addicts and it has been really hard the oldest one has been in and out of jail and in rehabs He now is clean but I don't know for how long. The second oldest has been in 3 rehabs and none of them have worked he now I think is clean but is into different kind of drugs. It has affected the family so much I don't even know or can get along with my brothers they have stolen 3,000 dollars and jewerly. They have almost causted my parents there marrige. All my life all I could think about them was I swear I will never turn out to be like them ever. Ever since the boys my mother isn't the same shes never happy and all we do is fight I hate it now in the house. and all my father does is still give the bouys money. I can honestly say they won't stay clean for long.
Charlotte Folden <ducky973@hotmail.com>
Clarkston, Michigan USA - Thursday, May 08, 2003 at 06:59:38 (HST)
Reading about your family's loss is hitting me close to home today; my boyfriend of eight months has been addicted to heroin for as long as we have been together, and although he has been in and out of rehabs and goes to daily outpatient meetings, he is still using. He appears to be getting worse. Last night, he actually said to me, "Heroin is the only thing I love anymore," and I realized that it wasn't him talking, it was his addiction. It hurt me so much to hear him say something so powerful, but I understand that if he were in the right state of mind, he never would have said anything like that to me. I wish I could help him, but he needs to want help before anything can be done. I hope and pray that his story will have a happier ending than that of your daughter.
k.akhmatova
Allentown, PA USA - Wednesday, May 07, 2003 at 09:51:30 (HST)
Hi there. I'd just like to offer my condolences to anyone who has lost someone through addiction. I am 23 and have been on the evil drug for 3 years. I have a little girl who is five. My mum has just asked could she have her for a while whilst I start my treatment . It has broken my heart. People have such a narrow view of heroin addicts and I hate narrow-minded people. I have lost friends over my addiction. Not cos I stole from them or treated them badley, but because I use heroin.I am so dissapointed with my so-called friends but like my councillor said I've got to get on with life despite them. None of us heroin addicts deserve to be treated like second class citizens. We are sensitive people who just can't cope with life as it is, but for Gods sake, who can? Please reply if you have any advice. I am desperate.
Laura
Cheltenham Glos, England - Tuesday, May 06, 2003 at 06:40:29 (HST)
More than fifteen years ago I was living in Sofia, Bulgaria attending the National School of Fine Arts. At the time "the junkies" were a handful of young people who formed a confined and impenetrable society. They become an object of my curiosity and sympathy. In the sprig of 1999 I visited Sofia and soon found out that the situation had changed drastically – the official statistics showed that there were over 50,000 young people in a city of one million addicted to heroin. I discovered that my fascination with the subject and deep compassion with the life and faith of these wandering and seeking souls was still alive and began working on a book of photographs and later on two documentary films “Lemon is Lemon” and “Heroin & Cinemet” dealing with the subject. In the beginning I didn't harbor high hope with regards to the success of my undertaking. Sasho and Gopeto were the first heroin addicts I was able to meet and befriend. I started spending my days with them accompanied them during their routines of panhandling, copping, shooting up, laughing, crying... The circle of my new friends grew very fast. They accepted me as one of them allowing me to gain accesses to the most intimate areas of their lives. I became immersed in their struggle for life and survival to such a degree that I lost perspective of my own life. "Lemon is Lemon" a 23 min. short film, a study for the feature-length documentary "Heroin and Cinemet", was finished during the summer of 2001. The film premiered at the Palm Springs International Film Festival in 2001, winning the Second prize "Face of Drugs Award". To date "Lemon is Lemon" has been featured at: Palm Springs International Film Festival 2001 Chicago Underground Film Festival 2001 Rio de Janeiro Short Film Festival 2001 Ocularis Cinema, New York 2001 National Academy of Film and Theater, Sofia 2001 Hollywood Underground Film Festival 2002 Fayetteville Film Festival 2002 40th Ann Arbor Film Festival 2002 Johns Hopkins Film Festival 2002 Cinequest Film Festival 2002 Rooftop Films, New York, 2002 Pleasure Dome, Toronto, Canada 2002 Anthology Film Archives, New York, 2002 MECAL Int. l Film Festival, Barcelona Spain, 2002 Brooklyn Underground Film Festival, New York, 2002 Deborah Gallery, New York, 2002 Detroit Int. Documentary Festival, Detroit, 2002 DC Independent Film Festival, Washington DC - 2003 The Thomas Edison Black Maria Film & Video Festival - 2003 Lost Film Festival 8.0 - Philadelphia 2003 Romadocfest, Rome, Italy 2003 5th Annual Artsfest Film Festival, Harrisburg - 2003 Distribution on: Alwayci Holywood.com - On-line distribution, 2001 - 2003 Independent Screening Room, ITV film channel - TV distribution, 2003 It has received the following awards: Second prize "Face of Drugs Award" - Palm Springs Int'l Sort Film Festival, 2001 "Best Short Documentary" - Cinequest 2002 "Honorable Mention" - 40th Ann Arbor Film Festival 2002 "Director's Citation" - 23rd Black Maria Film & Video Festival -2003 In 2002 I finished a book of photographs titled “Heroin & Cinemet” depicting the life of a group of young people addicted to heroin in Sofia, many of which also became the main participants in the feature length documentary by the same name. Both the book and documentary aim to change the stereotypical perception that “all junkies are the same” focusing on the unique individuality of my subjects. This letter is an appeal for contributions towards a fund dedicated to the finishing of the documentary “Heroin & Cinemet”. To date I have invested close to $80,000 in the production and postproduction of the film. However additional funds are needed to finish the editing of the film. Any profits from the sales and distribution of “Lemon is Lemon” and “Heroin & Cinemet” (the book and documentary) will be donated to various non-for-profit organizations providing medical help and consoling to people with drug addiction and centers for drug rehabilitation in Bulgaria. If you wish to make a tax deductible donation to the Heroin and Cinemet Film Fund please send a check or a money order to: Konstantin Bojanov Projects, 37 Greenpoint Ave., Suite #24, Brooklyn, NY 11222. (Please make checks payable to Konstantin Bojanov Projects). If you wish to make a donation over $35.00 you will receive a signed VHS copy of “Lemon is Lemon”. If you wish to make a donation over $250.00 you will receive a signed VHS copy of “Lemon is Lemon” and an original limited edition signed 11” X 14” B&W photograph from “Heroin & Cinemet” (the book). If you wish to make a donation over $500.00 you will receive a signed VHS copy of “Lemon is Lemon” and an original limited edition signed 16” X 20” B&W photograph from “Heroin & Cinemet” (the book). I would like to thank you in advance from the bottom of my hart. Konstantin Bojanov, NYC, May 2003 Kbprojects@aol.com
Konstantin Bojanov <Kbprojects@aol.com>
Brooklyn, NY USA - Sunday, May 04, 2003 at 10:46:15 (HST)
for the last 13 years i have fought for the life of a varry special friend who is terbly adicted to heron and crack she was nearly killed in a terrable car crash spent six days in a coma she recoverd and went right back to it as a father i had to make a choice my heath was deterateing i aws hospatalised 5 time from the stress as my friend atempted suecide 7 times and overdosed 5 i can not begin to express the pain and hurt that one suffers who has never even done the stuff on dec12 i had to give up she know lives in the woods with other homless people she is aflicted with hepatitus c i know have begun to help the children dshe has abandon along the way grow up away from this empty and hollow life this is dedcated to bertha a droneburg frederick md may god guide you through and to the memory of caryln bell and james bell may they rest in pease this fight must never end
kevin b parrotte sr <knobleeagle2003@yahoo.com>
frederick, md USA - Friday, May 02, 2003 at 05:15:40 (HST)
i love u
we suck ur dick
USA - Friday, May 02, 2003 at 04:04:11 (HST)
Thank you so much for Erin's story and my condolences. As a heroin addict, I have experienced the power and devastation it takes on the addict and everyone in his life. I recently celebrated 10 years of being clean and sober. Then I had surgery last month. I was given morphine, demoral and then LorTabs after leaving the hospital. After a month of Lor Tabs (Vicodan with Malox I'm told) the doctor would no longer refill muy prescriptions and the monster awoke. I found myself driving to an old dope connections and copping a dimee because I was sick and going through withdrawals from the Lor Tabs. That was a week ago and now I'm scared to death because I don't know if I can stop now. I worked so hard the last 10 years to maintain my sobriety. I went back to school and obtained a master's degreee and ahve a good job and a lot of good friends and family. Yet heroin has such a power that I too, like your daughter, believe that only the Grace of God can keeep me sober. Left to my own devices and sick thinking, I know that without God's grace, I too won't be around for very long becuase Heroin will take me to an early death. I would appreciate any praayers that God will deliver me from the grips this drug now has on me again. The last 10 years were the best years of my life. A warning to anyone thatt needds surgery and the pain medicine that goes with it. It caused all those old tapes to start playing and awoke the dragon one more time. I'm really afraid I will be checking out if I don't somehow, through the grace of God can come receive the gift of sobriety one more time. Please God, I can't handle Heroin or all the lifestyle it forces one to live. Thank you for sharing your daughter's experience. It has helped me get through this day and hopefully there will be more days of being clean ahead of me. But for the Grace of God! David
David S.
Sacramento, CA USA - Thursday, May 01, 2003 at 21:00:19 (HST)
your story is very interesting it hurt me know u died i sad tonight i miss u u touch me
brittnei <gummibear_701@hotmail.com>
USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 16:28:24 (HST)
Mrs. Allen- After the tragic death of your daughter did you feel she received all the help that was available. Was there an early experience that led her to the use of herion- Friends? Death in Family? Your are a very strong person and I have nothing but respect for your fight against drug abuse. May God Bless you and your family and I hope you continue to live life to the fullest.
Patrick <brazunas@comcast.net>
Wayne, PA USA - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:51:57 (HST)
To all beautiful, loving parents, I am a Heroin addict and am 22 years old. I started using nearly 5 years ago and haven’t done much else in that time. I just wanted to try and explain how it feels to be caught, because I need to make someone understand. I also need to vent my fears and growing pain for the future. MY future. A friend of mine died a couple of years ago at 28. She had two children who didn’t live with her because she’d been addicted so badly for so long. The priest at the funeral said something which has haunted me ever since; “some people are just born with sadness. They yearn for something they can’t see, and can’t get. And become wandering, lost souls. God ended her suffering.” It scares me that I might just be broken. I can’t explain I feel a loss, I’ve always felt a loss that I just can’t put my finger on. I came across other drugs first, and then inevitably heroin exactly on my seventeenth birthday. Most of the time this is the day I consider myself to have died. I am heartbroken, and I’ve broke my heart myself. My mother left when I was seven and it’s just me and my dad. It breaks my heart all over again every time I think about what I’m doing to him. I’m a good liar and have hidden it well for the past three years, he thinks I got clean. And I just can’t bring myself to tell him how badly I have failed him. He’ll think I don’t love him more – love him enough, but it’s because I love him, because what I’m doing/done makes me feel so guilty, so detached, so self-hateful; I get so devastated by these feelings that the only way to numb it the only way I know how. I never wanted this for myself, I’m doing a degree, I have a nice home, I don’t steal, or sell my body but none of this matters because I do smack and this is much worse than anything else. I am tainted by it and trapped. I read all the stories and comments on your page, and I cried for my daddy, and my baby brother and because I’m scared and I so want to cure this pain. It’s so hard to be sober, all those depressed feeling which have been dulled by the gear – the ones which are supposed to be forgotten – all come in one big flush, with a vengeance when I’m sober. I feel so raw and lonely and hopelessly lost. There might be no going back; I can’t see that there is a way back. I don’t want to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I’m 22 and so tiered of life and pain and trying. If you can see this is why we addicts don’t say anything to our parents: because sometimes knowing this is the way that someone you love feels – and theirs nothing you can do about it – is much worse than the sneaking, and lying and cheating. I am sorry that there isn’t something to fill me up – if there was a cure I would take it today – but that’s the point there isn’t – it’s an ongoing disease and I sometimes wonder if I’m too weak to battle for it.
ashamed
Cheshire, England (UK) - Wednesday, April 30, 2003 at 14:06:50 (HST)
I am so sorry for your family. I just found out my niece who is 21 and whom I love very much has been addicted for over a year. It is amazing how something can be right under your nose. I was searching for info and found your sight. I have no children of my own, but have lost several family members. Again, my condolences to you, I know the pain is always there. thk u
kerowaki <kerowaki@aol.com>
turlock, ca USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 22:25:24 (HST)
Mrs. Allen- Thank you for sharing your touching story with my school. I know many people that are using heroin in my school. I recently had an old friend, my brother's old girlfriend, and someone that was close to my family, die because of heroin. She had been using for awhile and decided to go to rehab. She was put on methadone. While on methadone she decided one day to go home and shoot-up. Well her grandmother had found her later on the night, dead. She overdosed.Her best friend had been using as well. The both of them had been together in rehab and were on methadone. Her bestfriend's parents died because of heoin. The day of her funeral her bestfriend told me that her parents died of heroin and she needed to hang around good people to stay clean. I felt incredibly bad for her, she had nothing. She lost her parents, all her family and now her bestfriend. Anyways Thank you for telling your story! I will never touch drugs. I will pray for your family! May Erin R.I.P!
------------
USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:31:00 (HST)
I appreciate you coming to out school today. I would have never thought herion was in our school or area, but I have recently found out that it is.. it is hard to hear and you dont want to think or believe it can be true, and from what I heard today it is as if there is nothing I could do to help them. Thank You so much for coming today and telling us Erin's story, I hope your story has an effect on some of the kids at our school.
_*_ <_*_>
malvern, pa USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 14:28:15 (HST)
Thank-you for coming to my school today. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to stand there telling her story in front of the entire student body. I was condsidering taking drugs for a while, just to experiment. I now know they are not things to be messed with. I can see how they harmed your daughter and your family and I am remembering you in my prayers. Hearing Erin's story I know made people stop to think and I'm sure that they will think of you and your courage when facing peer pressure or even addiction. Thank-you so much. May god me with you, Ern and the rest of your family. Thankyou.
- <->
Malvern, P.A USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:54:35 (HST)
i saw your presentation today. i never understood how serious heroin and other gateway drugs really are. i'm not the same person i was before i walked in there. thank you for coming to teach my class. God bless you.
Chelsea <sparillion@hotmail.com>
Malvern, PA USA - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 09:21:51 (HST)
God bless you and your family. My sister has been a heroin addict on and off for 20 years.....20 YEARS! How can she still be living? She has been through treatment approx. 10 times....such a shame. She, of course, has all kinds of medical problems now and continues to use. I have 8 children of my own and the best thing that I can say is that my sister's addiction has made my children very aware of how drugs can ruin your life. Believe it or not, I am an actress and am preparing for a part as a heroin addict.......my sister has taught me well. I will keep your family and all the families in my prayers........
Dona <dona@ctgonline.org>
Wheeler, IN USA - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 18:51:46 (HST)
i just wanted to thank you for coming to our school today to speak with us, mrs allen. It really sank into a lot of people...to anyone that does heroin... its something you shouldnt have gotten started into....its hurts a lota people and yourself...please to anyone who reads this, dont get started.... it hurts hard when u know faimly members involved too... best of luck to those in rehab
Vanessa <vanessa1188@aol.com>
Pa USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 14:31:41 (HST)
i think heroin is dumb. why do it? its bad. i am doing a health report on it right now. oh ya, i am having fun. well sorry about your erin.
??? <???>
???, ?? ??? - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 05:59:12 (HST)
dont do drugs.
Derek Schneiter <not gonna tell>
New York City, WI USA - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 05:45:06 (HST)
I am a recovering - well was recovering. I had about a year & 3 months clean and relapsed about 2 weeks ago. Now me & my boyfriend both have habits again. I feel like this is my life forever & I should accept it. I'll go through life clean for awhile, strung out for awhile over & over. I was on Methadone for a year & got off very slowly and managed to stay clean for a few months without any meth. I thought that was it for me & I was done with the dope. I was wrong. The first problem & major stress I and I turned to something that would make me numb. I thought I could handle doing it again once or twice but once you feel that initial, amazing feeling you get from heroin - that is all you want. I feel for all of Erin's family and friends but honestly you need to believe that she is in a better place right now & not suffering through all the pain her life was causing her. She would have struggled & been hurting for the rest of her life. My prayers are with you as I fight for my life back.
Jill <jilliana443@msn.com>
Worcester, MA USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 10:41:13 (HST)
i think that its a tragedy. i dont know why she would do that. i also can imagine what its like when you just seem like theres no turning back and its best to just go. i think part was all the punishment Al was talking about. sorry to say that but its not all her fault. any way. ya. Ty
Tyler <not telling>
nope, WI USA - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 10:05:51 (HST)
This is for Jaimee. Your family can't support you if they don't know! I can only tell you from my experiences, if you've never been involved with an addict, you don't even know what to look for. If you are going to get help (and I pray you do), you will need all the support you can get!! Learn from Erin and Matthew, you can get help! Be stong & my heart goes out to all.
Lori <lrepak@yahoo.com>
Cleveland , OH USA - Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 03:11:20 (HST)
i would never in a million years believe that i would end up being a junkie.its like the first time i tried heroin was the last day of my life as i knew it.from that day on all i could think about was being high ,getting more and doing it all over again.i didnt know you got hooked so quick.i went to detox a couple of times but i dont really want to stop.my family dont think i have a problem because i seem normal,thats because i snort enough pills to be "normal".i have a trust fund from a deasaed grandfather.so since i have a home and car and my bills paid i dont have a problem.once my dad saw me hurting but i told him i had the flu.soon im going to get help.bless all of you who supports your family in thier time of need.
jaimee
USA - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 18:17:53 (HST)
I understand completely, as i am a recovering herion addict myself, have now been clean for 5 years, as well as i was on the methadone program for 5 years, and I whined myself off of it, altho it is not for that, it is a maintenance program, i was also a free base addict as well, clean for 5 years, then just in oct i got into speed (crystal meth) and just got off of it a week ago, im now 33 years old, so i know what its like to struggle with the addiction of drugs
Tracey <beamrgurl@yahoo.com>
burnaby, canada - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 10:55:15 (HST)
On 4/12/03 I lost my best friend, fiancee, and the father of my child. Matthew was 24 years old. Our daughter Samantha was only 10 weeks old when Heroin struck her father down. Matthew had been using on and off for 1 1/2 years. The addiction intensified around the holidays. On New Year's Eve day, I told him that I would no longer enable him to use. For the sake of our child, I was willing to walk away. Matthew choose to admit his addition, and go through treatment. His treatment ended 5 days before he used for the last time. I found this web site because I need answers. For each story that I've read, my heart breaks. I understand the addiction, it never ends. The thought that goes out to all is "you don't get heroin, it gets you". For my dauther, I have to make something positive out of her father's addiction, like this site! I feel comfort here and that maybe the answer will come to all the questions I have. 4/19/03 Cleveland, OH
Lori Repak <lrepak@yahoo.com>
Cleveland , OH USA - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 04:04:13 (HST)
i wrote a few months ago about my ex-boyfriend.. i was staying away from him to keep myself safe and i felt like trash.. well i ran into him a month ago.. he is in a halfway house and i am happy to say that on 4/26/03 he will have 4 months clean.. we have a healthier relationship now.. we are not in a real relationship but we are. it is kinda confusing but it works for us.. there is no demand on either one of us.. the main focus for us both is 1. for him to stay clean. and 2. for me to stay sane.. i would like to thank all of those who emailed me advice.. i really appreciated it.. everything seems to be going good for right now... but who knows what will happen tomorrow, in a year, in five... but we are going to work through all of that... i wish things did not have to be this way but they are.. i am ready to deal with that... i hope that everyone who has a loved one using heroin the best of luck.. i know the pain that is caused from it.. My thoughts are with you.. and you are in my prayers. Betty Fine
Betty <bettyfine21@hotmail.com>
Baltimore, md USA - Friday, April 18, 2003 at 08:35:24 (HST)
They have tied me to a stake; I cannot fly, But bear-like I must fight the course. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. creeps in this petty pace from day to day. To the last syllable of recored time...This is his tragedy, this utter and complete disenchantment, this dull disgust with life, this disappointment-this, and his continual fear. He does not fear hell, we might say, because he is hell: "why, this is hell, nor am I out of it"; He is tied to a stake, by his own hands; he knows he is like the bear that will be baited to death by the dogs. Yet he never submits. And this terible effort of human will, the more terible in a man of Macbeth's mighty imagination, is in its way heroic.
joslyn <joslyn.s.moses@yvcc.cc>
yakima, wa USA - Wednesday, April 16, 2003 at 05:57:50 (HST)
tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow greeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time
joslyn s. moses <joslyn.s.moses@yvcc.cc>
yakima, wa USA - Wednesday, April 16, 2003 at 05:42:00 (HST)
People think that thy are junkies, bad people, the devil...They are people who have gotten sick. They are sick in the mind, and they turn to medication that makes them sicker. John was my first love, my best friend, my family, the father of my children, and all I knew for 15 years. He was beautiful, and his family stood by and even contributed to his problem. They gave him money, they denied he had a problem. Now his children will never know how wonderful he really was. The drugs made him a bastard, God made him beautiful...Both took him away. My condolences to all who know my pain.
Michelle <Foeverstaindnow@aol.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 15:45:19 (HST)
Marie, sorry to leave two messages in one day but I took some time to catch up on the messages here. Anyone who can come to this site and not leave a little heartbroken is inhuman. So much pain, including my own on these pages. But there is hope here too. To all of you who are still using--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get help from whatever sources are available to you. There are people who love you, even if they cannot express it in a way that strikes you just right. To all of you who are recovering--PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay strong!!! Look to the future you want to build, but keep taking it a day at a time. Thank you Marie. Maybe it's like the song says: We will understand it better bye and bye.
Aaron <an_archivist@hotmail.com>
Alexandria, VA USA - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 12:52:41 (HST)
I left a message here several weeks ago and I have been amazed at how many people have sent kind words and encouragement. Special thank you to Lori and Lauren. When I can collect my thoughts I will e-mail you. Right now she hates me because I offended her in some way, and she has refused to take my calls for about a week. At least I know she's still alive and I hope she is still making it to the methadone clinic each morning. Of course I have been in the dumps for the duration, but it helps to come here and commiserate with others similarly affected by someone else's use. Here's a question: how do you convince someone that hearing her/his voice and seeing her/his face is the greatest joy you know--especially when that person is a user? Drives me to tears because in her mind everything I say is a lie because she cannot see how beautiful she is and how much she means to me. Damn heroin! I am not a death penalty adherent, but for heroin dealers I am starting to make exceptions. How many ruined lives and dreams? I sit here writing and crying because I know in my heart that I will never be with this woman. Even when she was using I just felt RIGHT being near here. I believe there is only one true love that steps into each of our lives, and mine stepped in with a hypodermic attached to her pelvis. (Yeah, she used to shoot there and maybe still is since I have not had the privilege of being with her for a while.) Okay, while I am at it, here is a little story. I never knew people shot into the pelvic area. What I knew of heroin before I met her I had learned from TV and movies. I gave her money to cop one afternoon, just to keep her off the street and out of the stores. She got what she needed, got back in my car and we drove away. We had not travelled two blocks before she fixed her shot and started undoing her pants IN BROAD DAYLIGHT! I did not show it, but of course I was shocked. she could not wait to get to the comfort of her apartment which was less that 15 minutes away. When I think about that day now, it kinda makes me smile--such an absurd situatuion! Before I met her I would have recoiled from anyone who did this. With her I just became more passionate and dedicated to getting her clean. I knew from that moment that I was in too deep to turn around and walk away, but at the same time I finally understood the nature of the beast on her and every other junkie's back. That's something. I have never permitted myself to call her a junkie. I have sworn to her that I will never dishonor her or lie to her in any way. But ther it is--she is a junkie. Hopefully a recovering one after 14 years of using, but a junkie nonetheless. Sorry for the long version this time, but it helps to "talk" about this and you folks are the only ones I can talk to. Godspeed you all.
Aaron <an_archivist@hotmail.com>
Alexandria, VA USA - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 12:38:59 (HST)
I lost someone that was close to me last week to heroin. He's my son's father, and although the two of us have been seperated for two years, I still loved him. I left him because I saw where his life was slowly headed with his heroin use, and I couldn't allow myself and my 1 month old son( at the time) to be subject to that. Since then he got deeper and deeper into drugs. He was a good person, he just got in with the wrong crowd. My heart goes out to you and your family, and anyone else who has ever lost someone to such a terrible cause. May God bless you all!
Hannah <hanco18@yahoo.com>
Dallas, TX USA - Monday, April 14, 2003 at 13:51:33 (HST)
I just thought I'd look at this site, since one of my best friends is a heroin addict. His name is James, I've been trying to get him to quit and trying to tell him the consequences of doing heroin. If he were to overdose, about how long would he be hospitalized and would he even be in big trouble by the law? Like for instance would he have to go to court since he overdosed or would he be placed in a Drug Rehab or something? I'm sure they wouldn't let him go off that easy since he would be in the hospital. But I'm trying my hardest to open his eyes and to get him to change his mind about drugs and the consequences he would have to pay. If ANYONE could answer those questions for me it would be alot of help. Thanks
Vanessa <Adema_20@msn.com>
c.c., tx USA - Sunday, April 13, 2003 at 16:49:09 (HST)
I am moved by erin's story, i am too a heroin addict and have been clean for 35 days. i am 20 years old. rest easy, erin.
Lynn <carbarns@yahoo.co.za>
capetown, sa - Saturday, April 12, 2003 at 03:46:47 (HST)
To: Blah Blah, I might suggest that you do something more constructive with your life than read the sorrows and pain of others. That is since you have your life so together and know all the answers. To Utica, get a clue. Obviously, you do or do not know the meaning of the word enable.
Carol, Michael's mom < >
Minneapolis, mn USA - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 13:51:49 (HST)
I am sorry for the loss of your daughter. I just lost my husband (August) to heroin. Everyone treats it as if he was a loser or "junkie" and his death is not significant because he did it to himself. I was with him for 12 years (I am only 25) He was my only boyfriend and my bestfriend. he was a wonderful man that was destroyed by a drug. I have never tried drugs and I am now in school to obtain a Masters degree in substance abuse counseling because I know what it's like to try and get help for someone and noone cares. God Bless You and your family
Catherine Hoenshell <Catherine.h@jenzabar.com>
Jnt, PA USA - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 11:46:26 (HST)
Re:Al Utica, NY USA - Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 18:59:14 (HST) There is something wrong with your logic , you know nothing of addiction or what the families of addicts go through. Your comments on this board have horrified me and I can only pray that you never find out just how wrong you are. God bless Erin.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, England - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 06:43:47 (HST)
if i only had a chance. if i only had a chance to save me life . if i only had a chance, to change. the way that my life would be. if i only could change the path, that my life would tyake. if i only had a chance
blah blah <blah blah>
blah, flo USA - Thursday, April 10, 2003 at 23:28:47 (HST)
You spoke at my school twice, and the first time you spoke it truly touched me. Through this assembly the school gave i truly never ever wanted to do heroine it really opened a lot of my peers eyes to the dangers this drug does and if you hope to educate teens not to have any assosiation with this drug you succeeded my deepest sympothys go ut to you when you told the story i felt like I knew Erin although I am using other drugs its helping me realize to get out before its to late THANK YOU you might be saving my life.
M.M, <annonomous>
Philly, PA USA - Wednesday, April 09, 2003 at 15:47:53 (HST)
My condolences go out to anyone & everyone that has either lost a loved one to drug abuse or has a loved one who is an addict.I myself have been going through a living HELL for the past 2 yrs with a son & daughter in law that are both addicted to heroin. They have stolen anything & everything from all the family members & from various stores. The sad thing is that the 3 small children they have, ages, 2,3 & 5yrs. are the ones that have suffered the most. The Mother just got out of jail on an O.R.bond with 6 felony & 4 mistemenors against her for theft, recieving & forgery. She cost her Mother over $10,000 in forged checks & credit cards. My son did the same thing to me last year. Right now I have one of thier children & my 2 daughters have the other 2.The day she got out of jail they stole the ADC check that was for thier kids & no one has seen or heard from them since. This drug is definitely the most evil thing there is. It makes people have no morals whatsoever & they will stop at nothing to obtain the drug. It kills me to see these 2 parents put thier kids at the bottom of thier list of priorities. It also hurts me as a Mother to see my son wasting away to nothing before my eyes. He has gone from a healthy strapping young man of 240lbs to a sickly 170lbs in a very short time. He has drug induced siezures all the time. He looks like death warmed over. I'm always waiting for the call or the knock on the door with a notice to come & identify my sons body. He has already over dosed once but was brought back to life. I like other parents have wondered where I went wrong but I have to stop & think that I raised 7 children by myself & he is the only one that turned to this kind of life, but there is always that nagging doubt that I might have been able to prevent this somehow. Well I just wanted to express my condolences to all of you out there with the same problems. It also helps me to be able to express myself & tell my story to others that can understand what I feel & what I'm going through. God bless you all & you are in my prayers. I welcome emails from anyone who wishes to talk about thier situations.
Linda <Lindy71151@sbcglobal.net>
Springfield, Oh USA - Tuesday, April 08, 2003 at 12:26:03 (HST)
im 18 years old, my friend died from a heroin overdose 3 years ago in september she too was a very kind carin person so my heart goes out to ur family and erin and ne one else who know the pain death from drugs can corse i used to be an addict i got off the drugs after Emma death it was very hard and at time i never though i could do it but rehab really helped me and i have been clean now for just over two years thanks to the surport of my family and from reading other ppl story and seeing how much other ppl care about users so many ppl have looked at me as if i was scuff of the earth because of my addition it helps to see that there are ppl that know it is an illness thank u so much for that it help a lot take care adn may erin RIP justine johnson in the uk
justine johnson <lushlipsinbude@aol.com>
bude, cornwall uk - Monday, April 07, 2003 at 17:03:30 (HST)
My heart goes out to you and your family. The pain of watching someone you love go through the slow death of addiction is terrible. I myself am a recovering addict, and have been clean for almost a year(In May!) But only the power and strength of God has gotten me this far. I pray that God will bless your family with His serenity and peace as your life goes on each day. Erin is no longer suffering from her addiction, and is in a better place. I understand you would want nothing more for her to be there with you and by your side, and again I am so sorry for your loss. Your story of your daughter is powerful, and makes me realize once again that is it only through God's love and strenth that I stay clean, and I pray that Erin's message will reach other suffering addicts before it is to late. God Bless you and you family!
Melanie <Melanienrs@aol.com>
Phoenix, AZ USA - Monday, April 07, 2003 at 15:28:22 (HST)
Who would have ever thought that our two kids, your Erin and my Michael would be on the same webpage. They are together on "Angels of Addiction". I lost my only child Michael, age 32 on 1/3/03 from a cocaine heroin overdose. We know the pain and the sorrow. We also know the struggles our kids went through trying to fight the demons that so possessed them. We know also, that they are together with a lot of other kids in heaven. They have won the battle with the demons and have it "All Together Finally". My prayers are with you and all the other moms and dads who have lost their kids to this terrible demon. It is our duty to tell the world that our kids were great kids. Not bad, not evil just sick. Michael's mom Carol
Carol <heygiff@acninc.net>
Minneapolis, MN USA - Sunday, April 06, 2003 at 06:32:14 (HST)
I am writing to send condolences to you regarding your loved one, Erin. I, too, just lost the love of my life 2 days ago. He was found by his father on the floor of the bathroom, O'D. He was 39 years old and I loved him dearly. We had a little girl together, her name is Briana and she is 11 years old. My heart is broken and will be for a long time. Please pray that our loved ones are now free of their burdens. My heart goes out to you, Luana
Luana <LRodrig102@aol.com>
Orlando, FL USA - Saturday, April 05, 2003 at 18:26:21 (HST)
do you know someone called Jemma burman
jenny <jenny bywater 2003>
fleetwood, county uk - Thursday, April 03, 2003 at 06:41:40 (HST)
I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR DAUGHTER TO HEROIN. I MYSELF WAS ADDICTED AND HER STORY SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MINE. I STARTED USING WHEN I WAS 16 AND USED FOR 7 YEARS UNTIL I WAS SIX MONTHS PREGNANT. I THANK GOD THAT I DIDNT LOSE MY BABY, AND I ALSO THANK MY MOM. SHE IS MY ANGEL, AS WELL AS MY DAUGHTER. HEROIN GETS YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU TRY IT, AND THEN SLOWLY TEARS YOUR LIFE APART.I SOLD EVERYTHING I COULD GET MY HANDS ON AND I LOST EVERYTHING. I AM SORRY TO SAY BUT DURING THOSE YEARS I USED I PUT MY MOM THROUGH HELL. I LIVED ON THE STREETS, IN MOTELS, WHERE SHE CAME TO VISIT ME ON MY BIRTHDAYS AND CHRISTMAS. WHILE EVERYONE WAS TELLING HER TO GIVE UP ON ME, SHE DIDNT! WELL I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 2 YEARS AND 6 MONTHS, AND I JUST WANT TO TELL ALL THE MOTHERS, FRIEND, RELATIVES, ANYONE WHO IS RELATED TO A "USER" DONT GIVE UP HOPE. IF THEY REALLY WANT TO GET CLEAN THEY CAN. I PRAY FOR THEM EVERY NIGHT!
Megan <babygirl7760706@yahoo.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Tuesday, April 01, 2003 at 13:37:19 (HST)
I am writting you to tell you I took your advice and did not bail my daughter out of jail. She will be in for about 6wks and then to court ordered rehab. I feel for her, but I know if I let her out she will find a way to use. When she is in jail I know where she is and I know she is not using. Am I doing the right thing? I did not hire a lawyer either. I wrote you once before. Reading what other people have to say, I have found can be very effective. Not everyone is the same but it's nice to know my daughter and I are not the only one's out there who are going through hell. She has 2 misdaminers and one felony, and she wrote some other bad checks and that will also catch up with her. She has herself in deep, and she is just now realizing how bad it is. Anybody else outthere who can give input?
Melody <melodys@heart.net>
Pekin, ILLINOIS USA - Monday, March 31, 2003 at 15:54:08 (HST)
God Bless.
Andrew Marshall-Muff <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, England - Friday, March 28, 2003 at 10:37:42 (HST)
Today, you came to my school to share Erin's story. I dont think that I would be able to stand up in front of all those teenagers and talk about my daughter. Even though some of the pictures were very sick looking it was a good thing to show to us because this time in our life when people ask us about heroin and it's always good to know what could happen to us. Thank you Maureen
Maureen <reen508@comcast.net>
Warrington, PA USA - Thursday, March 27, 2003 at 16:04:07 (HST)
Dear Mary Anne I so sorry for what to your daughter. I know what you are going through because I have family mambers that smokes and I always tell them to stop smoking because one of these days they might find them died. I'm very sorry that your daughter died. I wish there is something I could do.
Jennifer Green <biggirl999@hotmail.com>
Roosevelt, NY USA - Thursday, March 27, 2003 at 03:55:46 (HST)
I know exactly how Erin must have felt. I know it was nearly impossible for me to stop using herion. I only started in June of 2001 and stoped using in Oct. I never thought I would be able to stop I still don't think that I can do it now. There is nothing in this entire world that I am more afraid of than dope. Every day I think what am I going to do today, am I going to use. It was the hardest thing for me to stop only cause when I was kicking I had someone sitting on the edge of the bed being like "ts ok darlin, go ahead and use, it will make you feel better". I never felt any worse pain that I did for that week, I knew that if I didn't stop I would have died. And now I am so greatful that I did stop and I would never go back to it no matter what.
Kerrin <Kglynn81@aol.com>
NJ USA - Sunday, March 23, 2003 at 02:42:00 (HST)
I fell in love with a woman back in September. I guess to other people on the street she was just another person walking along. But to me she was radiant. To make a long story much shorter, I discovered she was a heroin addict--the first I have ever known (or known about) personally. I was familiar with cocaine/crack use, marijuana, and all the other "lower grade" drugs. THIS has been new to me and I am completely out of my depth. I also discovered that she did terrible things to feed the addiction, things that just break my heart when I stop to think of them. I love her nonetheless. Over the past six months I have spent thousands of dollars trying to get her to stop using, detox, and start a productive life. Last night she told me she never wants to see me again and I am about to lose it. I have never loved anyone the way I love this woman and she is too clouded in mind and spirit to see it. I understand your pain because I share it. The love of my life ( a woman who is so beautiful, bright, and funny in those 'tween moments when she is not craving or using) is slipping away and I cannot do anything to prevent it.
Aaron <an_archivist@hotmail.com>
Alexandri, VA USA - Saturday, March 22, 2003 at 21:57:37 (HST)
Sometimes when you have had a drug problem death seems like the only way out I know this from experiance. When you are a heroin addict you never truly recover, there is always something there niggling at the back of your mind. I myself had to give up my baby, landed up in hospital more than once was almost evicted from my flat. I am clean now but despite all that I have been through I still think about it every day. I am trying to get my life together but its hard especialy when ever I go out for more than an hour and everyone is on edge incase I come back wasted and there is always a massive argument because of the tension in the house . I once read that boredom is one of the biggest reasons that people go back to drugs I can totaly vowch for that.I was also on the methadone program I have been off it now for 3 weeks and every day is a battle but I am trying and I bet Erin was to.............
katie
Glasgow, USA - Saturday, March 22, 2003 at 01:02:56 (HST)
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I myself have been battling with my boyfriends use of heroin and oxycotin for alomst a year now and it's the scariest thing i've ever had to deal with. i couldn't imagine losing him to this stuff. it's not worth losing a life to!
sarah <care1@trust-me.com>
charleroi, pa USA - Friday, March 21, 2003 at 14:35:03 (HST)
Iam so sorry to hear about erin and her suffering ! I to just lost a neice to that awful drug !! She was only 20 years old and has a daughter that is going to turn five in may and would be starting school this year ! and what a shame it is to not be here to see it ! she had just started using ,probably for about 2 months or so and we didnt catch the signs fast enough and and now we feel like it is our fault for not knowing . she was a beautiful girl and we didnt think she would ever get into drugs . she loved hr daughter very much and worked and lived for her . then she met some new friends at work and i guess they were the wrong kind ? and we noticed her weight drop fast and her excuse was continuously exercising and eating right well she fooled us ! and this wensday morning her father found her dead in her room ,he went in to wake her up to get ready for work and she was dead in her lounge chair . Now what are we suppose to tell her daughter when she ask why her mommy cant be here for her and why she doesnt get to do mother daughter things !!?? I am very MAD you was very selfish and didnt think of nobody but her self and i am pissed !! this little girl needsd her !! we are suppose to bury her on saturday and it is going to be the hardest thing ever ! well thank you for listening and lets all pray for everyone who needs help and more !
Kathy <cbonoan@austin.rr.com>
austin, tx USA - Friday, March 21, 2003 at 09:36:03 (HST)
Dear Marie and Family, My heart goes out to you and yours. Families Anonymous is a wonderful 12-Step Program for family members of an addict. They have an 'e-meeting' list that I belong to. You can check it out or subscribe to the emeeting list by going to: www.tabw.org - new members are always welcome. With Blessings, Susan
Susan <sister2579@yahoo.com>
VA USA - Thursday, March 20, 2003 at 00:48:18 (HST)
To Al from Utica, NY. Have you ever had a child, sibling, partner, etc. strung out on heroin? If not, do not judge. Unless you have had to struggle with someone's addiction within your own daily life, you have no idea what it is like, or what is necessary in trying to help them. You seem to have idealistic thoughts about addiction and rehabilitation. Not only did I lose a brother to a heroin overdose, I am a social worker. And I say to you again, unless you have been there, you have no idea.
Pamela Joyce <joycectldy@aol.com>
New Haven, CT USA - Tuesday, March 18, 2003 at 05:47:02 (HST)
Reading your pages, made me think about my mom, dad and lil bro who have been struggling with me through my various addictions for almost 15 years. I started at about 8, stealing valium from my physician parents medicine chests and worked my way through all the drugs possible untill heroin really screwed my life for good.And it hasnt let up, Heroin fucks with my mind every minute, every second of the day! After sending me to at least 4 different countries to detox my parents put me in a Therapeutic Community in 2001. There I finally found out what it felt like to be clean for more than a week. I made one year only to start using the very day I left the program. I have now regained some sembalnce of normality, I havent used in a month and before that only about once every two weeks. Heroin is like heaven to me, but to taste it you have to hover between heaven and hell on a daily basis. Its not worth it. Please dont feel guilty because no parent knows what to do. My parents never sent me to jail as the government treatment centres in my country have more pushers in them than my neighbourhood. Still, they refused to give me money but as I was an accountant it was never a problem. My partner who is also a recovering addict had parents who would leave USD100 a day for him on the kitchen table. Both tough love and giving in have no affect on a junkie. Any which way, if you want to use, you will. So it is not the fault of any parent, brother, sister, friend or spouse no matter what they do.
ayesha <ayeshah7@hotmail.com>
Malaysia - Monday, March 17, 2003 at 21:16:18 (HST)
People ALWAYS think they know the answers when it comes to solving the heroin problem. Well what is good for one is not necessarily good for another. I have seen parents who stood beside their loved ones the entire time while they used....and they died. And then I have met some recovering addicts who have said that if their parents didn't do what they call "tough love" they wouldn't be here today. There is no right or wrong. If God feels it's time they come home, HE is going to take them and there is NOTHING we can do to stop God's plan. I know......my son was taken 9 months ago because of the devil's dust. I stood by his side, that didn't work, I turned my back for awhile, that didn't work. I miss him terribly and only 20 years old. BUT a parent will always question themselves and they will ALWAYS feel that tinge of guilt that makes them ask themselves, did I do everything I could have. Usually the answer is yes, but we parents are just that....parents. How are we really suppose to know what is the RIGHT thing to do when you have so many different people giving you so many different ideas. Truth is? ....follow what your heart tells you and not what others say. Good luck to everyone who are on the path to freedom. You certainly have my blessings. God Bless You ALL PS Marie, you are doing the best therapy you can do for yourself....educating the young and old alike. Sweetie half the people will NEVER know the pain we are going through, like an addict, every day of our lives. We too, have to fight the constant battle of our child leaving us and learn to get through another day with this pain that never ceases.
carol <depsprings@aol.com>
ocean county, NJ USA - Sunday, March 16, 2003 at 16:26:41 (HST)
Listen..to those who would condemn the family of a struggling addict...Facts are, whether or not Erin was sent to prison for stealing their car, she would have used. If she hadn't have gone to jail for stealing their car, she would have gone to jail for stealing something else because that is what addicts DO! And..we still love them because they are our sisters, our daughters, sons, mothers or fathers...They are our family and chances are you yourself, know a family who is touched by addiction. Sometimes, you just have to love people from a distance..that isn't abandonment, it's self preservation, fight or flight. There is no 'one' way to do it 'right' being a loved one of an addict. No answers, no logic, so next time you feel so above it all you feel a need to take a pot shot towards a grieving family about what they did or didn't do...keep in mind that the next addict might be YOUR son, daughter, sister...or maybe yourself. Many many blessings to Erin and her family. Remember, you did nothing wrong, you don't have to go back with all the what if's, or if we had only's...you had no say in the path. Move forward with the good memories, the strength of having done your best which built character, and mostly, remember, the addiction was only one part of your Erin, and that never will cancel out the great parts of her. Don't listen to the those in the world who would judge, lest they walk a mile. Very sorry for your loss. If you're an addict and you're here...if there is one thing that could encourage you to rebuild your life and make it against great odds, may it be the love and hope of those who love YOU and the thought of their faces in your mind, and their tears in your heart. God Speed to all addicts, and those who love them ;o) K-
Kimmy3469 <Kimmy3469@aol.com>
USA - Sunday, March 16, 2003 at 06:04:24 (HST)
Listen. If you hadn't put your daughter in prison for taking your car, you wouldn't have crushed her hope to such an extent that she felt her only option was to return to heroin addiction. What the hell is wrong with you? You do not help an addict by crushing what little hope they have left. It really is a shame that your daughter died. And its also a tragedy that you have been punished for it. ~~Al
Al <aleph_null@juno.com>
Utica, NY USA - Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 18:59:14 (HST)
I live in a small town in Ireland where 3 young men have died from O.D.'s in the last two months. One of them was my 20 yr old cousin who od'd on methadone. This evil drug is corrupting anyone who is anyway vulnerable. My town has gone crazy lately - young people I used to know are wasting away - They look like corpses. I think we actually need to scare kids away from it to protect them from it in the future. I think you are a very strong woman and respect you so much for using Erins story to educate kids and let us know the risks involved. God Bless you.
Claire
Wicklow, Ireland - Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 06:50:15 (HST)
i was empelled to write again... i dont know how many people who have wrote any kind of response has done heroin, but no one, and i mean no one, could understand exactly what heroin addiction is like unless they have gone through it themselves... meaning no wittnessing it because someone close to you has done so... but you ur self has gone through it. i feel for erin and i feel for her family. heroin addiction has been bothing me esspecially latly. it no longer becomes a drug... it becomes food. like any person needs food, a heroin addict needs his/her junk(heroin). it replaces anything and everything, filling whatever void maybe in that persons life. I would never wish upon anyone to try heroin... dont do it. its stupid and a waste of F***ing time. to the family, im sure Erin is in your thoughts and prayers... should be... hold her dear to you (im sure you dont need me to tell you that)... shes still with you. To anyone who has someone they know doing heroin... the worst thing you can do is get on their case... its their vice. its not a good one, but let them know you are there for them and let them know you love 'em and you dont like what they are doing - BUT NEVER screw with their heads and stop talking to them because of it or try to through them in rehab or 302 them... it only makes things worst. Remember, peace love and empathy.
sulfer <xxxx>
pittsburgh, pa USA - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 22:31:24 (HST)
hi.... ive been through heroin addiction off and on for several years now... only to get worst, then better, then worst- and now, i dont know where i stand... i pray for you all... i pray for erin. I am a musician, and one day youll hear a song for her.
sulfer <xxxxx>
pittsburgh, pa USA - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 22:00:10 (HST)
Erins, story really broke my heart. When I was reading her journal page I started crying. The things she felt were the exact things I felt when I was using cocaine introveniously...I just recently got sober from cocaine through a geographic relocation. I'm scared about the future. I still use alcohol and marijuana and I picked up a possesion charge in Jan/2003. I don't know what will happen when I meet someone who offers me cocaine again.
Caroline <pjohnson51@cox.net>
Ok USA - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 12:34:39 (HST)
i'm am terribly sorry about your loss. my cousin was addicted to heroin, but luckily he recovered. i reall yhope your website helps people deal with heroin and it dangerous effects.
n/a <n/a>
pa USA - Wednesday, March 12, 2003 at 18:20:42 (HST)
i too am soo sorry to hear about your loss. recently my brother, who is a heroin addict has moved into my house. i have known about his addiction for a few years now but having them so close, always wondering what they are doing, what ythey are taking etc has got the better. i have watched grind down my mother, take any happiness away from her and i can see it happening to me. but i love this site, strange i know but it gives me hope. i dont feel like we are the only family being torn apart anymore, by what erin so rightly called the devil. from what i can gather you have been to many schools and colleges telling your story and making people aware. i only wish there were more people like yourself. just by reading the first few entrys you can clearly see how many people you have touched. i am one of those. i pray everyday that i do not lose my brother in the same way. If erin is one god's angel then you are one of earths angels. i cant begin to comprehend what it would be like to loose a child and my deepest sympathies are with you for your loss, however they say every cloud has a silver linning...i think you have proved that to be very true. hope you are well and get as much satisfaction from this sight as the people who read it laura, London,UK
Laura <foxin4u@hotmail,com>
london, UK - Tuesday, March 11, 2003 at 06:13:34 (HST)
Hello. My name is Malory. I am 16 years old. I would like to tell you how deeply you are in my prayers. I have experienced a loss similiar to yours. Someone I once knew, died of a heroin overdose almost a year ago. I felt awful for a long time because we had got into many fights dealing with my own brother having a drug problem. My brother, Mark, has been struggling for 7 years, trying to get over his heroin/oxycontin addiction. I was 9 when that started. He's been in and out of Rehab, Jail, sent away to live with family. Nothing has worked. He's currently in a program 3 hours from here where he attends meetings for his addiction and goes to work. I didn't want to write on here to tell you my life story. I wanted to let you know you are not alone. There is always someone to turn to. I pray everyday that my brother doesn't become a victim of his own actions. I just hope he finds a way to get better. I've learned that no matter how much you want you're loved one to get better and break free from their addiction it doesn't matter. The first step is them having to want it. If they don't, they won't overcome it. I came across this site looking information up on Heroin for my project in school. I think this site on your Erin is great. Good for you. Take care.
Malory <lazymally@hotmail.com>
Pa USA - Monday, March 10, 2003 at 16:21:25 (HST)
I am so sorry for your loss Mrs.Allen. I know that it must of bee hard for you to put yourself out there like that and I am glad you did because your story has touced so many peopl tht so many morepople are aware what drugs can d to you. I wuld also like to say that Yo makeing presentations infront of hundreds of kids at school functions has helped thoe people in the school be more aware.
un known <huggznkisesxo@aol.com>
landenberg, PA USA - Monday, March 10, 2003 at 13:01:19 (HST)
I am so sorry for your loss Mrs.Allen. I know that it must of bee hard for you to put yourself out there like that and I am glad you did because your story has touced so many peopl tht so many morepople are aware what drugs can d to you. I wuld also like to say that Yo makeing presentations infront of hundreds of kids at school functions has helped thoe people in the school be more aware.
un known <huggznkisesxo@aol.com>
landenberg, PA USA - Monday, March 10, 2003 at 13:01:13 (HST)
Erin, I miss you and love you very much. You will always be in my thoughts, my heart and my dreams. I want everyone to know how great and how special my sister really was. She was the best friend Ive ever had and I am proud to be her sister.
Theresa....Erin's lil' sis <bttrsctch2002@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, Delaware USA - Saturday, March 08, 2003 at 17:54:17 (HST)
I am very sorry to hear about Erin. My name is Beth, and I am a recovering heroin addict. I just got 6 months clean on Feb. 21, 2003. It hasn't been easy. In fact it's been really hard. I'm in a halfway house, my seventh actually in the past 3 years. Not counting the hundreds of detoxes in between. But this time is different. I've never put 6 months together, and I have a 4 year old that I love more than life itself. I want him to remember me as a good mom, not a drugged up no one who was never there. Erin's story touched me in a way that words could never express. I have felt her pain time and time again. After hearing her story, I know that I want to stay clean more than anything. I don't want to die either. I agree with everything Erin said about God too, I believe He's doing this with me. If it wasn't for Him, I couldn't do this. So sorry again to you and your family!
Beth G. <snuggles945@yahoo.com>
Lowell, Ma USA - Friday, March 07, 2003 at 16:47:28 (HST)
I'm so sorry about Erin's fate. I took a daughter of a friend of mine off the streets, knowing she was a heroin addict. I tried to help her get off the stuff. I was an alcoholic in recovery at the time. I lost focus on my well being and the next thing I knew I was doing the very drug I was trying to get her off of. I O.D. 12-26-01 and she was able to bring me around. Ashley is now clean.I am clean and have no desire to go back! I feel so bad for those who cant make it to the place they need to be when they give up/surrender God bless her! Cliff
Clifford VanCleave <cliffvancleave@austin.rr.com>
Austin, Tx USA - Thursday, March 06, 2003 at 20:29:22 (HST)
I can some what relate to your story. My sympathy to you and yours. I have a 18 yr. old daughter sho is a heroin addict. She has only been using for about a yr. She has been in rehab 2 times, the first for about every other drug except heroin. The second time for heroin. She has stolen from me, lied to me, she is not the same person. She is now in trouble for writing bad checks. She has already been arrested 2 times. the first time her father bailed her out. the second time she was released on rpr. I fear I will be telling the same story soon. she has had friends O.D. and one of them died. What does it take?
Melody Snow <melodys@heart.net>
Pekin, Ill USA - Thursday, March 06, 2003 at 15:46:41 (HST)
I came across your site while trying to find information to help my flatmate convince his neice to come off herion. After reading your story I am more determined to do whatI can to stop the same thing happening to our freind. My thoughts are with you my tears fall for you. God bless you
Jax Lewis <lewisjacqui@hotmail.com>
New Zealand - Wednesday, March 05, 2003 at 16:03:49 (HST)
I am very sorry about your daughter. My ex-husband just died on February 2, 2003 of a heroin overdose at the age of 41. I have two daughters by him who are 22 and 18. I will never forget that Sunday when his wife called to tell us he had died. It is so hard on the people who are left behind. I had a very difficult time, too, and I know it will get easier but you never get over losing someone you love, especially when it is something that didn't have to happen. I have learned to take things day by day. I know you have suffered terribly and will never get over the loss but there will be better days ahead thanks to God.
Judith Blakeslee <judith.blakeslee@treas.state.nj.us>
Bordentown, NJ USA - Wednesday, March 05, 2003 at 07:25:47 (HST)
Poem I wrote in Rehab The time that I've wasted is my biggest regret spent in these places, I will never forget just sitting and thining about the things Ive done the crying,the laughin, the hurt and fun mow its just me and my hard driven guilt behind a wall of emptyness, i allowed to be built im trapped in my body just wantin to run back to my youth with its laughter and fun but the chase is over and theres no place to hide everything is gone, includin my pride with reality suddenly right in my face im scared alone and stuck in this place now memories of the past flas through my head and the pain is obvious by the tears i shed i ask myself why and where i went wrong i guess i was weak when i should of been strong living for the drugs and the wings i had grown my feelings were lost afraid to be shown as i look at my past its so easy to see the fear that i had afraid to be me id pretend to be rugged so fast and so cool when actually im lost like a blinded old fool im gettin to old for this tiresome game of acting real hard with no sense of shame its time that i change and get on with my life fulfillin my dreams for my family thats right what my future will hold i really dont know but the years that ive wasted are started to show now i can make it i at least have to try cause im headin towards death and i dont want to die
Katie <kaytay420@hotmail.com>
pgh., Pa USA - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 22:13:23 (HST)
My name is Katie. Your story touched me and now I am reachin out for help. I am 19 I have been actively using drugs since I was 7. I started with my mom using just alcohol and weed, and progressed with my sister smoking crack by age 10. My childhood sucked I grew up in the prjects and was the only white girls. father died of an od when i was 4, mom was an addict but straighten up, sister still is, and so am i. First rehab i was 11, school sent for catchin me smokin crack, then juvie, introduced to heroin at 12 by my 17 yr old bf. 2nd rehab 13. Juvie 14. Speedballin (coc heroin)by 15. Makin more money sellin drugs than my mom did workin her ass off. Was kicked out to the street. 16 rehab again, 6months of just smokin weed. Started speedballin again. Quit selling, starting stealin, involved in a gang, being raped, beat, oding constantly. I just wanted to die. Moved back hoome, things kept gettin worse. Lost 31 friends to oding alone in 2 years. Not includin bein shot or beat to death. Ihad no veins in my arms or hands left, was stuck wit my neck and calves, in september I got involved in some bad stuff, went to detox, jail, rehab and something different, a halfway house. I managed to stay clean for the whole time. I just got out Feb 25, determined to stay clean.Even tho in my head was that whole one last time..I had been in 13 detoxes last year alone..and i wanted this to be different....on Saturday everything changed..saw an old friend...smoked some crack..got some dope..and shot a bag, then 2 then another..and the next thing i kno im wakin up in a ambulance hearin shes not responding, shes bleeding out. I went again. Got to the hospital and was told i was pronounced dead, actualy dead for a length of time. I had lost a baby also, i didnt even know i was pregnant. I didnt respond to the nargon. My lungs were full of vomit because it went back in. I had many overdoses but nothing that serious. I was released from the hospital tonight, still on an oxygen take, i dont get enough air without it. I developed somethin in my lungs from all the bacteria and not breathing. All along i thought I had another run, obviously I didnt, if I woulda been alone I would be dead right now, and I dont want that. I am so lost and so confused, and I have no idea of what to do. BeforeI would of been mad for bringn me back to life, but now I feel like a failure. My family, and friends were so proud of me for changin my entire life and I go and do this. Will it ever stop, I am tryin so hard, sometimes I feel its pointless, Im worthless, all I know is the streets and thats all Ill ever be, please someone help. I dont wanna die.....
Katie <kaytay420@hotmail.com>
Pittsburgh, Pa USA - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 22:05:25 (HST)
I am very sorry to hear this story. My name is becky Sabo. I used to work at a mission base in kensington. I was the cook for 4 months in 1997. I lived in barred building on the corner of Kensington and Front strret. Right below the L. I met many people while working there, never met Erin though. I cannot explain the deep sadness that happens there. I have seen mommies sell thier daughters to dirty men, and crack addicts die in front of our door. You daughter's story touched me deeply. I now live in a small town in Eastern,CT. Willimantic. We were recentley feautured in the news for the enormous heroin trade here. We are the direct stop between NewYork, Boston, Philly, and D.C. It seems that we have more heroin use per capita in our town than the per capita of the entire state. Our town is searching for answers to the drug use. I believe I will mention Erin's story, in my pitch against a herion safe house. It seems to me that Heoin and safe do not belong in the same sentence. I am sorry for your loss.
Becky Sabo <obas@earthlink.net>
Willimantic, Ct USA - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 17:42:05 (HST)
I am so sorry to hear your story. I hopeyou are reading this; I know a lot of other people have posted things on this and you might not see this but i really hope you do. What you and your family went through must have been horrifying. I read your article about Erin on this web page for my Health class. You must be very brave to write about the austere ordeal you were put through but I can tell that it wll make such a difference by revealing the true devil in heroin. People can learn so m uch from your story. Thank you for providing the world with proof of what drugs can do: how they can tear apart a family and tear apart a life. I'm sorry again it's too bad that a person who sounds like such a great girl had er life taken by a monster.
Kate <clumsykat12@aol.com>
Philadelphia, Pa USA - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 11:37:38 (HST)
I am so sorry to hear about your loss! I know how it feels to lose someone that u love dearly because my best friend died of a herion overdose and my brother is the one who found him. He had been laying there for over 3 days dead and the guy that gave it to him just walked out and didnt do any thing and that was the worst thing that has ever happened to me i am now 19 and at the time i was 16 and when i found out it was horrible .This is one thing that has changed my life.God bless all of you and your family
Ashley <flutterbyz69@yahoo.com>
ashland, mo USA - Monday, March 03, 2003 at 05:09:18 (HST)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story brought tears to my eyes.
Alex <apreston1@juno.com>
Staten Island, NY USA - Saturday, March 01, 2003 at 19:10:05 (HST)
Thank you for a wonderful site. This site helps to save some lives, despite the terrible things this poison has about it. A teenage girl (AW) posted a message here some time ago which was so simple and innocent. Her message was really a cry for help as heroin was ruining her life completely. Through my own experience of heroin (three years now and still using) I was able to contact her and encourage her away from using H. She thought she was an addict, but, she was just a user who was right on the brink of becoming an addict. She was using when she "could" (not when she "had to"). Both she and I were touched by this site. She decided to stop using February 27th 2003. Today is February 28th 2003 and is the first day of the rest of her life. To her I say "well done and I wish you good luck every day". If anybody has recently started using heroin then I plead with them to really think hard....you have a chance to stop still before you become a full-on addict with a massive physical addiction which (in the case of most girls) will cause you to have to sell your body to get the poison and (in the case of most guys) will send you into a spiral of crime and jail. I believe most people who have used for less than a few weeks or months can stop relatively easily before a massive long term physical addiction takes hold. Good luck to all who take this on board and use it to try to stop the habit. Once again, to Miss W I say, well done for saving your own life and that of your family.
Zoey <admiration6969@hotmail.com>
London, UK - Friday, February 28, 2003 at 13:47:37 (HST)
I carnt say how u must feel because I dont know, but I must say I have a family member who is on herion, and it kills me every day just waiting for the call, as yo never know if its your turn next its just a waiting game.
Audrey <audrey@aol.com>
N.E.Lincs, - Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 05:16:37 (HST)
I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY'S LOSS. MY (EX)BROTHER-IN-LAW WAS FOUND DEAD THIS WEEK IN HIS HOME FROM AN APPARENT HEROIN OVERDOSE.HE LEFT BEHIND A BEAUTIFUL 4 YEAR OLD SON.MY SISTER LOVED THIS MAN VERY DEARLY,BUT WAS FORCED TO DIVORCE HIM BEFORE THEIR SON WAS 1 YEAR OLD DUE TO HIS HEROIN (AND OTHER DRUG)PROBLEMS.THIS MAN WAS DEAD FOR SEVERAL DAYS BEFORE HE WAS FOUND, AND EVIDENTLY SUFFERED A GREAT DEAL.THIS HAS BEEN DEVISTATING TO US ALL, AND WILL HAVE A LASTING AFFECT ON OUR LIVES.2/26/03
TAMMY <TAMMYTELLMETRUE1982@YAHOO.COM>
CENTERVILLE, GA USA - Wednesday, February 26, 2003 at 18:42:36 (HST)
i am a heroin user and have put my family through the same shit erin put you through, recently overdosing three times in three months. i wish i could stop but even though i am now a professional glass blower i still manage to use. i have just slowed my use to 2-3 times a week. it's the only way i could keep my family my dog and my friends. heroin addicts don't mean to hurt anyone intentionally, heroin brings us to an animilistic nature, a survival mentality. My use is now hidden from my family that is the only difference. it is also self supported.your daughters story sounds like mine though and i pray for the guidance to get my shit together it's just very hard. an hour doesn't go by that i don't think about heroin. I smoke pot when i'm not using, so in a way i'm always using something. someone out there please pray for me so that someday i can get completely clean. only then will i truly be free.
noah <none>
philly, pa USA - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 17:36:03 (HST)
i am a heroin user and have put my family through the same shit erin put you through, recently overdosing three times in three months. i wish i could stop but even though i am now a professional glass blower i still manage to use. i have just slowed my use to 2-3 times a week. it's the only way i could keep my family my dog and my friends. heroin addicts don't mean to hurt anyone intentionally, heroin brings us to an animilistic nature, a survival mentality. My use is now hidden from my family that is the only difference. it is also self supported.your daughters story sounds like mine though and i pray for the guidance to get my shit together it's just very hard. an hour doesn't go by that i don't think about heroin. I smoke pot when i'm not using, so in a way i'm always using something. someone out there please pray for me so that someday i can get completely clean. only then will i truly be free.
noah <none>
philly, pa USA - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 17:35:05 (HST)
i am a heroin user and have put my family through the same shit erin put you through, recently overdosing three times in three months. i wish i could stop but even though i am now a professional glass blower i still manage to use. i have just slowed my use to 2-3 times a week. it's the only way i could keep my family my dog and my friends. heroin addicts don't mean to hurt anyone intentionally, heroin brings us to an animilistic nature, a survival mentality. My use is now hidden from my family that is the only difference. it is also self supported.your daughters story sounds like mine though and i pray for the guidance to get my shit together it's just very hard. an hour doesn't go by that i don't think about heroin. I smoke pot when i'm not using, so in a way i'm always using something. someone out there please pray for me so that someday i can get completely clean. only then will i truly be free.
noah <none>
philly, pa USA - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 17:35:02 (HST)
I am very sorry to hear everyones stories. I have had a past heroin problem, when I was 16. My boyfriend was a heroin user, and I didn't know for quite a long time. What happened was we started dating when I was 16 and he wa 17 and a half. We were on our second year, when I knew something was quite wrong. He seemed...different. I could not figure it out though until he told me, "Tate, we have a problem." After I was told, I did whatever I could to help him, and at one point was ready to leave him. However thats he beginning of our problems, becaus a month later it was confirmed I was pregnant. I was terrified, and truly loved him. After he found out, he started detox. We had many rocky roads and fights, but I never stopped trying, and never gave up. Its been 2 years and we have a beautiful daughter, and a clean husband.
Tatiana Bloom <TatianaBloom@aol.com>
LA, CA USA - Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 13:06:22 (HST)
God Bless You, You are a very strong lady, and I am sorry for your loss........I indirectly feel the pain you have suffered, you see I have a heroin addict in my family, she is my aunt. I have watched her destroy my family and I think that hurts worse, than seeing her destroy herself. I have done alot of research on drug addiction and I have learned that the "addict" must want to help themselves before you can help them, however, when is it time to let go? It has been more than 30 years and she is still using. She has been in and out of rehabs, jails, counseling, on and off methadone and she still seems to find her way back to the life of a "heroin addict". We hear all the time how lucky we are that she is still alive, lucky, no we are not lucky because you see the beautiful woman we once knew died along time ago, but we continue to keep faith that one day she will come back to us, but I know that won't happen, but how do you convince her parents (my grandparents) that this is not there daughter, this woman has become someone none of us know, she is someone in my eyes that is someone that frightens the hell out of me for I have two children of my own. I hear about "tough love" what is your opinion on that? I want to be someone who can make a difference in someones life in regards to addictions, but I don't know where to start, for you see I feel I have failed in my own family......with my aunt. My grandparents are getting up in years and this thing with my aunt has only progressed their aging.....it breaks my heart that they have spent the best years of there life trying to beat this "demon" within my aunt. Any information, or advise would be greatly appreciated and thanks so much for the opportunity to "vent" you see this is a very touchy matter within our family. Once again, God Bless You.
Debbie Deason <debster500@yahoo.com>
MI USA - Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 06:39:42 (HST)
Our stories are different, but the same. All of us who have/had a loved one strung out on heroin share the same experiences. At age 28, my brother was found dead with a needle in his arm on a public bathroom floor. Although, he was my brother, and one year older than me, he looked to me as a mother. And, while he was using, I felt like his mother. Our father raised us, as our mother abandoned us when we were still in diapers. Our father died when I was 18. All we had after our father's death was each other. So, when my brother was actively using,it was I he would call to get him into detox (as he only went into full-fledge rehab once-a month before he died). It was me he would call when he was going through severe dope sickness. It was me the hospital would call when he would try to kill himself, or when he would near overdose. It was me who visited him in jail the allotted three days a week. It was me who would buy items he was allowed to have in prison. It was me he would cry heart wrenching, painful tears to. See, people do not understand the power of heroin. No one wants to be a junkie. Sometimes, heroin is more powerful than a person's will to live. So, even though my brother did whatever he needed to for a bag of dope, he didn't really want that bag of dope controlling his life. I know how very painful it is to have someone you love choosing heroin over life. I know how very painful it is to have lost someone you love to heroin. I lost the only family I had left to heroin. My brother finally admitted himself into a treatment center. He usually went ot detox for 5-6 days when he was without hope of getting any heroin. He would avoid the painful dope sickness by going to detox, all the while developing a "plan of action" to get heroin when he was released. So, this one ocassion, I brought him to rehab. And he was doing so well. Three weeks had gone by and he dove into the program head on. I had let my guard down and felt hopeful for the first time in years. When you have a loved one strung out on heroin, you are afraid to be hopeful, because all too often you are let down. So, I was hopeful. I remember I was preparing to leave my house on a Sunday afternoon for the hour and a half drive to the rehab. I had made my brother a cake, I bought my brother a balloon that said "congratulations", and bought him a card. I was so proud of him and I wanted him to know just how proud I was. I called the rehab and they said he left the previous day. Two days later he was found dead. We must never forget the ones we lost to heroin. We must tell their stories, so that their deaths and struggles with heroin were not in vain. Their stories may touch people in ways we never thought possible.
pam <joycectldy@aol.com>
New Haven, CT USA - Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 07:02:43 (HST)
My heart goes out to you. My darling daughter is now serving a jail sentence for heroin related crimes. She is safe now and I pray for her every day and night. She now states she never wants to go back to the life of heroin but time will only tell. Please pray for her to break free from this devil and start a new life when she is released 3/6/03.
Debbie <martyanddeb@wiznet.com.au>
Melbourne, VIC Australia - Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 00:27:45 (HST)
I was in a relationship with a heroin addict for two years...He was the only person i ever loved in my 21 years.. i fell in love with him the first day i met him and i still love him to this day..even though we are not together.. and havent spoke in almost 2 months.. everyday it kills me that i cannot be with the love of my life.. i feel so weak and evil for leaving him when he needs me more... how good of a person am i to leave someone i love in there time of need? but i was dying.. two years of feeling worthless, and never comparing to that drug.. it was killing me... i couldnt do it anymore.. and i feel like everytime i talk about it, i have to stick up for myself for leaving... i feel guilty all the time.. even though he doesnt give me a second thought.. i would go to a support group, but we live in the same neighborhoods and i do not want to risk seeing him or one of his friends.. there isnt a day that goes by that i do not think of him..i just wish the memories of him would stop haunting me... they are like nightmares. if anyone could give me some advice i would love it.. i dont know what to do anymore and i am ready to call him... i dont want to get hurt again but sometime is think at least i am happier then this when he is near me. lauren
Lauren <Lauren.Rupkey@acs-inc.com>
balto, md USA - Friday, February 21, 2003 at 11:28:21 (HST)
Behind my smile i shake Where have you been? Why are you so fake? Never real to me: my love; my enemy You're responsible for my death, Do you cry, do you laugh, do you regret? For breaking someone so innocent to you? Or is giving pain what you have grown used to? I died within my heart again Following from your addicting trend i am a fiend, a junkie, you are my addiction of sorts Despit my knowledge despite my reports Losing my already lost love I was always your joke never you above By Lorn The love of my life was addicted to heroin... And i do not think there is anything worse then watching someone you love kill themself slowly dragging you with them... The constant mistrust and pain... When does it ever feel right to finally tell this person goodbye.. I love you so much but I cannot be there anymore... It is my turn to be selfish and worry about me... I am tired of the "it is a disease" line... I do not want to hear that anymore.. When is is ok to leave?
lauren <bettyfine21@hotmail.com>
baltimore, md USA - Friday, February 21, 2003 at 11:04:02 (HST)
Hello there once again, I was just visiting the site to see the new codolences. I am the 18 year old ex heroin addict, who is now sober for 2 1/2 years, and still going strong. I wrote my story in here before. To anyone seeking help, or just a friend to help them through this, please email me, I'd be glad to help in any way possible.
Mindi Kasper <BabyGirl20802420@aol.com>
Elizabethtown, PA USA - Friday, February 21, 2003 at 06:50:31 (HST)
YOU CAME TO MY HIGH SCHOOL ON THURSDAY FEBRUARY 13,OF 2003. YOUR STORY OF YOUR DAUGHTER REALLY TUCHED ME. I WAS VERY AMAZED HOW YOU COULD STAND IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS AND TELL YOUR STORY. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMING
tori <pixiemagic21@aol.com>
pa USA - Friday, February 14, 2003 at 14:17:29 (HST)
I know what it feels like to have a loved one use heroin, but I don't know what it's like to lose a loved one from it ( I hope I never do). I saw and heard your story when you came to our high school. It was very touching and sent out a great message to everyone. My sister used heroin for awhile. I don't know if she still does, because she moved out into her own apartment. My mom told her about your story because my mom was also there at the high school too. Maybe it will make my sister have second thoughts about what she is doing. My mom asked you questions after you were done, and she said that you knew it was going to happen you just didn't know when. If I was a mother that would bring me down. Your a very strong person and so is your family for actually accepting what has happened. I hope that you continue to speak at schools, because what you say has a big impact on everyone. Thanks
ash <sweetstuff164@aol.com>
pa USA - Friday, February 14, 2003 at 10:14:16 (HST)
Mrs. Allen~ i am so sorry for your loss! Yesterday you came to our school... thank you for that b.c our school was not doing very good at the time. I don't know if you know or not but two kids in our school died this year one was related to a drug overdose and another was from a suicide. In our school alot of people do drugs and i think after hearing your story alot of people are thinking what they are doing over. You touched alot of people! I know u have touched me i came out of that room crying! Again i am so sorry for your loss! Keep telling your story b.c i know it changed me and alot of people! your a hero! Thanx again xox Jess
Jessica <princess7755@yahoo.com>
Spingfield, pa USA - Friday, February 14, 2003 at 08:29:36 (HST)
this story made me think about my dad.Like any dad he was always there for me i always felt like a daddy's girl. i love him with all my heart . but when i was about 8 years old my parents got a divorce and i didnt see my dad all the time but i still seen him every once in a while but we started loosig contact my dad and mom always had a drug problem but they boith said that they were gonna get thru it and end all the rage the drugs brought to our house. In may of 1998 my dad had a drug overdose from heroin. it broke my heart because he was my daddy. and i lost him because of some stupid drug that brouhgt him down and made him addicted since he has died it has brought me to do drugs but i will never do heroin. it's something that would just bring fear to me. i mostly to marijuana sometimes crank but recently i got caught by my mom and have been clean for 2 months. i think my dad would be very proud. so my advice is to not do drugs because it will not only ruin your life but your parents and your children or your sisters, nieces nephews exc. so think twice about lettin drugs take over you and your mind, body and brain
mandy <mandypandy26@msn.com>
tracy, ca USA - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 20:20:20 (HST)
Your Erin continues to speak through your bravery of steping forward with her story. Thank-you! Erin has confirmed what I have felt and believed for the past 10 yrs, Addiction to any drug is straight from Satan! In reading her words in her journal, she felt his presence in being on drugs and knew the truth, he had his tight grip on her. I could hear her pleas, more than anything, she wanted him to let her go!The battle for Erin's soul was a strong one between God and the Devil, one day you will know, God spared her soul and God won the fight. Briefly, I want to say, I have been a Big well known Business lady for the past 15 yrs in downtown Los Angels. Recently I moved my 5 yr old daughter and I back to the quiet Mid West to a relatively small town. I tried to get back into the Big Business world over here to no avail. Rather a "Methadone Clinic" hired me as a counselor, I needed to support my daughter therefore I took the low paying job. I immediately saw the spiritual warfare within the walls of this facility. It is Satan's den! I knew God had brought me there, to save his children and their souls, to help him fight the war for his people. In counceling several addicted adults, (both men and women) in the last week,I saw through their face and words that this was God's purpose for my life. These addicts, that have been at the clinic for years just looked at me in disbeleif of my words as tears began to run down their cheeks because someone across from them understood more than they about what they were fighting. I never let my patients know my strong belief of who they are really fighting, I just let them know I am there to fight for their life, but I can't do it for them. Between me and who ever is reading this, I can't save souls, but I let God know I am there on his behalf and to talk to his people through me, and through the tears of joy and relief from my patients I know God's purpose for my life and I let him do the work! P. S. I let Satan know on a daily basis when I walk into his den of addicts, that he can't chase me away from God's children, I'm there to fight for them. I have more I could say regarding Gods work through me at this methadone clinic, but time is limited. So remember: We all have one life to live and only one chance to do it right! Peace Be with you!
Anonamous <Dindewest@aol.com>
Los Angels, CA USA - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 17:28:42 (HST)
I'm very sorry to hear about Erin. If that happened to someone I knew and loved, I don't see how I could deal with it. You had just talked at my school about Erin on February 12 and I think you did a very good job with the two police officers. I know at least one of my friends who I have known as long as I can remember has a problem with drugs (hopefully not heroin) and alcohol and has agreed that he needs help. Him saying that is a huge step for him because of his attitude towards drugs and alcohol before. I don't think I know anyone who has or had a problem with heroin, but my brother did save a person's life who did have a problem. My brother was living in Penn State at the time, working at a 1950s style diner and one day two guys walked in. One guy sat down (I'll call him Matt) at a table and the other went into the bathroom (I'll call him Joe). After a little while, Joe had not come out of the bathroom yet, so Matt went over and knocked on the door. Joe didn't answer. After knocking and talking without getting any kind of answer, Matt went to my brother and asked for help. My brother went to the bathroom door and tried to get an answer from Joe. Still no answer. My brother then kicked down the door, right off the hinges, and saw Joe in there. Joe's face was completely blue and he was holding a spoon with heroin. My brother said that he put some heroin in the spoon, used a flame to get a gas from the drug, and sniffed the gas. I'm not exactly sure what happened then, but I'm guessing that someone called 911. The police came and said my brother was the hero for the day. My brother had saved a man, who was in his early twenties, from dying of a heroin overdose. I am very proud of my brother for this.
Nathan Gray <skateboarder87@comcast.net>
Springfield, PA USA - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 15:06:41 (HST)
Hey I'm sorry about your terrible loss. I'm here with a few questions. I have never been remotley close to heroin or any drug for that matter. However some of my friends are experimenting with weed and alcohol and I really do like them, I'm just becomming worried. My reasoning for staying away from drugs is that...with my luck the first time I try weed it'll be laced with something leathal and I'll die on the spot. However some of my friends have even gotten in to selling drugs, to make a few extra bucks. I want them to stop and they always say sure..sure..but then they go leave school early just to get high. I was wondering if you have any advice you could give me relating to what I should do about this. As they say weed is a gateway drug and alcohol loses touch, much like in Erin's story. It's early and I'd like to help them before it becomes serious. Once again I'm terribly sorry about your loss.
Fred Mack <FMACK911@yahoo.com>
Morton, PA USA - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 12:32:36 (HST)
I just wanted to say that I am truely sorry for your loss. Today you came to my school to show us and teach us about heroin. I just wanted to say thank you very much. The presintation has moved me dearly. I am not addicted to heroin and I hope that I never will be. I have never tried it in my life and I plan on never trying it. I have done other drugs though. My one problem would have to be Cocaine. I think I have a problem but I am not able to admit to my problem yet. I don't do it very offten, usually just on the weekends. One night I prayed to God asking him for his help to make me stop, and told him that I was going to try my hardest. The next day I found myself staring coke in the eye. I sat there for about 5 minutes debating if I should do it or not. Then finally for some reason I decided to do it. Afterwards I was incomplete shock with myself. I was very upset with myself because the night before I asked god for my help and I went behind his back and did it anyway. That is when I realized that I do have a problem. I am still very afraid to admit it though. But no matter what I say or do I just cant stop doing it. I always say that I am going to but then I find myself doing it again. My parents found out about it and told me they were going to drug test me and if it comes up they are sending me to rehab. When I first found that out I stopped for 3 1/2 months. I had a lot of cravings for it. I would be at work and open the register and I could smell it. One day my friend brought some into work one night and I just could not refuse even though I knew I would go to rehab, if my parents found out. When I first started was in mid July 2002. My parents told me they were going to drug test me in December. After I did it at work again, I didnt do it for awhile until December rolled around and I didnt get drug tested. Then I thought my parents told me that to scare me. So I just started doing it back up again. I did it almost everyday in December and half of January. But the night I realized I may have a problem I tried to cut down. Now I only do it on the weekends. But I still think that I need help. I do not want to be confronted with my problem though. I dont not really want to go to rehab to get me help. I think that I may be able to help myself, but deep down inside I know that I cant. After watching the program today, and after hearing Erins story, it has made me think about alot of things. It has changed my mind about alot of things also. I am deeply moved by it. But I know deep down, that it still hasnt changed my Cocaine problem. I know that as much as I try to stay away from doing it, I know I will find myself doing it again. All I am asking is, can you please help me with my problem. I do not want to go away to rehab. So that is why I am writing to you, maybe if I talk to you then you can help me, because I know that I can not talk to anyone else. Thank you so much. I am very sorry again for your loss!
Cheryl <Mandi406@aol.com>
Springfield, PA USA - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 10:28:58 (HST)
I'm sure that anyone who's been to rehab has heard this poem, but for those of you who haven't, here's the truth: Take Me In Your Arms So now little man, you've tired of grass, L.S.D. cocaine and hash, And someone pretending to be a true friend said, "I'll introduce you to Miss Heroin." Well honey, before you start fooling with me, just let me inform you of how it will be. For I will seduce you and make you my slave, I've sent men much stronger than you to their graves, You think you could never become a disgrace, and end up addicted to Poppyseed waste. So you'll start inhaling me one afternoon, you'll take me into your arms very soon. And once I've entered deep down in your veins, the craving will nearly drive you insane. You'll swindle your mother and just for a buck, You'll turn into something vile and corrupt. You'll mug and you'll steal for my narcotic charm and feel contentment when I'm in your arms. The day when you realize the monster you've grown, you'll solemnly swear to leave me alone. If you think you've got that mystical knack, then sweetie just try getting me off your back. The vomit, the cramps, your gut tied in knots, The jangling nerves screaming for just one more shot. The hot chills and cold sweats, withdrawel pains, can only be saved by my little white grains. There's no other way and there's no need to look, for deep down inside you know you are hooked. You'll desperately run to the pushers and then, you'll welcome me back to your arms once again. And you will return just as I foretold, I know that you'll give me your body and soul. You'll give up your morals, your conscience, your heart. And you will be mine until, "Death do us part" Now picture this: You're sitting in a funeral home with an 18 year old girl laying in the coffin. The preacher has just finished his calming sermon, and all of the weaping family members are finally at peace with their loss. He asks if anyone would like to say a few words before proceding to the cemetary. And a 14 year old girl who had just lost her big sister and best friend steps up to the plate. And this is what she has to say: Take Me In Your Arms........ So of course everyone starts to ball their eyes out. But it's the truth right? This is the truth about what happened to her sister. This is why she's laying in a coffin instead of going to the hs football game or hanging on the corner with her freinds. This is why her parents will never forgive themselves and her sisters will never again go to sleep without shedding a few tears. So why's everyone so upset? And her headstone reads: "In our hearts forever" RIP Tanya Lynn Walters 1982 - 2001 Only the good die young Maybe she'll meet up with Erin in Heaven
Sonya <sonyapictures@yahoo.com>
heartland, pa USA - Sunday, February 09, 2003 at 20:03:37 (HST)
Hi, i have only been using Heroin Since November Last year, and in that short time it has basically ruined my life and Yet i am Only 17 years old. I have been kicked out of my accomodation, sold my possesions, stolen off of my housemates, my mother and my Family, i don't have any money and yet i still want Heroin, it seems to be the only thing that saves me. I am really sorry about Erin, maybe one day even i will learn from her mistake, i pray that it is soom, as i do know that 1 of three things will happen to a Heroin addict in their life, and that is, that they will either stop, Die, Or end up in jail! I know that i need help, a couple of times, a fortnight, turned into, a couple of times a week, a couple of times a week, turned into nearly every day, now i started doing it twice a day, amazingly, i haven't had any today, but only because i don't have any money!!!! If someone would please talk to me about this i would really appreciate it!!!! Lana
Lana <buder_fly@hotmail.com>
Australia (WA) - Sunday, February 09, 2003 at 01:57:48 (HST)
to erins family and the other familys that have lost some one they love my deepest condolences. i have sat here and read most of the stories in here but i had to stop when i started getting to the ones from people who are so stupid they just dont understand like the letter from bin l dont tell people that its ok because its not, i have never done drugs but they have touched my life, right after i graduated high school i meet this guy and im very sad to say i feel in love with him and moved in with him he was very big in to drugs heroin and things like that i didnt know how read the signs that were right there in front of me but the best thing he ever did for me was in one of his sober days (there werent many ) he told me to leave and i thank god every day that he did that for me. when he was on drugs and alchol he was so mean and violent i made it through a year of this and iam a stronger person for it now but looking back if i would have stayed any longer i dont think i would have made it out alive.
olivia <yllwchevy24@aol.com>
perryville, md USA - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 22:46:59 (HST)
I would first like to say how very sorry I am for your very painfull loss. I am 23 years of age and have been totally clean from heroin now for 2 months. I started using heroin when I was just 17 years of age. I've been to only one 30 day rehab and 3 detox programs. I went to the rehab 3.5 years ago, stayed clean for about 6 months and relapsed. It wasn't until this past August that I went into detox for 5 days. That didn't work, so in October I went back to detox again, thinking that it would definately work this time. Well It didn't! By the beginning of December I was so depressed and sick of the lifestyle that I was actually contemplating suicide. My doctor advised me to try out the methadone clinic in my town. He also had said that it's not for everyone. So I thought about it and figured that no other treatment had worked for me, so why not try this one? Well with that said, I went there and signed up. I've been in treatment there since December 16th 2002 and haven't used anything since December 15th. The reason I am sending my condolences although you don't know me is because after not using since Dec.15, I was trying to get my neighbor to also go to the methadone clinic. He's only 19 years old. Well while waiting to get on the clinic, he went to score on December 23 and never came home! He stopped at a friendly's resturaunt to "get well" and overdosed in the bathroom on the floor. He died on a resturaunt floor all alone 2 days before christmas. Well the point to my story is that even though it was so hard for me to stay clean all those years, I never had one of my best friends pass away because of drugs. And since this tragic incident I vow to give my all to staying clean, not just for him {Bryan} but for my family who cares so deeply for me. And most of all, MYSELF!!! So to all of you out there who have lost someone they dearly love due to drugs or alchohol, my heart goes out to you!! BRYAN J RICHARD. JULY 1983 - DECEMBER 23, 2002 REST IN PEACE FOREVER!! --- If anyone would like to e-mail me, my address is KateKevins518@msn.com. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story.!!
Lauren Savino <KateKevins518@msn.com>
Bristol, Ct - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 13:35:32 (HST)
I would first like to say how very sorry I am for your very painfull loss. I am 23 years of age and have been totally clean from heroin now for 2 months. I started using heroin when I was just 17 years of age. I've been to only one 30 day rehab and 3 detox programs. I went to the rehab 3.5 years ago, stayed clean for about 6 months and relapsed. It wasn't until this past August that I went into detox for 5 days. That didn't work, so in October I went back to detox again, thinking that it would definately work this time. Well It didn't! By the beginning of December I was so depressed and sick of the lifestyle that I was actually contemplating suicide. My doctor advised me to try out the methadone clinic in my town. He also had said that it's not for everyone. So I thought about it and figured that no other treatment had worked for me, so why not try this one? Well with that said, I went there and signed up. I've been in treatment there since December 16th 2002 and haven't used anything since December 15th. The reason I am sending my condolences although you don't know me is because after not using since Dec.15, I was trying to get my neighbor to also go to the methadone clinic. He's only 19 years old. Well while waiting to get on the clinic, he went to score on December 23 and never came home! He stopped at a friendly's resturaunt to "get well" and overdosed in the bathroom on the floor. He died on a resturaunt floor all alone 2 days before christmas. Well the point to my story is that even though it was so hard for me to stay clean all those years, I never had one of my best friends pass away because of drugs. And since this tragic incident I vow to give my all to staying clean, not just for him {Bryan} but for my family who cares so deeply for me. And most of all, MYSELF!!! So to all of you out there who have lost someone they dearly love due to drugs or alchohol, my heart goes out to you!! BRYAN J RICHARD. JULY 1983 - DECEMBER 23, 2002 REST IN PEACE FOREVER!! --- If anyone would like to e-mail me, my address is KateKevins518@msn.com. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story.!!
Lauren Savino <KateKevins518@msn.com>
Bristol, Ct - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 13:35:29 (HST)
THE PAIN MUST BE HORRIBLE. I KNOW SHE IS NOW EXPERIENCING ETERNAL LOVE. I NEED YOUR HELP WITH MY 20 YEAR OLD SISTER. SHE HAS BEEN ON HEROIN SINCE SHE WAS 17 YEARS OLD..PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
Lorena Trujillo <lorenatrujillo@hotmail.com>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Friday, February 07, 2003 at 10:02:13 (HST)
My sincere condolences for your loss. But she's now in heaven, helping God help others who are going thru the same thing she did. -Brent USAF
Brent <amnshag77@aol.com>
Andersen AFB, AP Guam - Friday, February 07, 2003 at 00:44:44 (HST)
It's me Kathy It's been a long time since we last wrote. But, I'am the mother of Mindy Self or story's are so much alike it pains me. Sorry it's been so long but my computer has been down but you can email me here. I m happy to see that Erin's site is still up and runnig. I hope you are still helping the kids at the school we need more people like you out there helping. I'm still not doing well myself it's still hard to belive that this has happend and I have no idea where to begin to deal with this. I think of you often,I pray you and your family. Sincerely,God Bless Kath Bruhn
kathy bruhn <kristin221@attbi.com>
chesterton, IN USA - Tuesday, February 04, 2003 at 19:38:57 (HST)
It's me Kathy It's been a long time since we last wrote. But, I'am the mother of Mindy Self or story's are so much alike it pains me. Sorry it's been so long but my computer has been down but you can email me here. I m happy to see that Erin's site is still up and runnig. I hope you are still helping the kids at the school we need more people like you out there helping. I'm still not doing well myself it's still hard to belive that this has happend and I have no idea where to begin to deal with this. I think of you often,I pray you and your family. Sincerely,God Bless Kath Bruhn
kathy bruhn <kristin221@attbi.com>
chesterton, IN USA - Tuesday, February 04, 2003 at 19:38:54 (HST)
I could not help but to check the site again. I seem to be doing that alot lately. Just "keeping it green". You know, for us addicts it's easy to "forget" where you came from, and the consequences that come alot. They you get to a point where you just don't care, because "things are gonna be different this time".. BULL! that's the INSANITY. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I had to re-read what I wrote yesterday, and I just want to add that material things do not mean crap. Yeah, they are nice to have, but where do they go when you go? It's more of an INTERNAL peace and happiness that results in sobriety. Is it easy? HELL NO. is it possible? DEFINITELY. I am a miracle, and so is everyone else that is ready this. You still have a chance. This is a physcial and psychology DISEASE. Yes, it is a disease. It's time to be at DIS-EASE with it. Honesty, Open-mindedness and Willingness. Cliche'? Maybe. But IT WORKS! Two most important words.....SURRENDER and ACCEPTANCE. I commened your strength Allen Family. Don't ever give up. Your touching so many lives. It's not you fault. Is it anyone's? It wasn't Erin's fault either. However, she is FINALLY at peace. What we all strive for. I have for so many years. NO ONE wil EVER be able understand. Unless you lived it. And even then it doesn't make sense. I am 26 and have been battling myself for several years. But, ONE DAY AT A TIME.....I'm FINALLY DOING IT. and it's a GREAT feeling. Nothing is easy in life. ANYTHING worth living for, is worth fighting for. "DON'T EVER COMPROMISE YOURSELF...YOU'R ALL YOU GOT".-Janis Joplin (ironic huh?) Love to you all... HOLD ON, and NEVER,EVER, give up.
Alicia <alicia.tucci@doh.state.nj.us>
NJ USA - Tuesday, February 04, 2003 at 07:36:32 (HST)
Everytime I hear Erin's story, I feel so blessed. At times I used to wonder, and pray why it wasn't me?. I too have experienced the streets of Philly, and at times Newark, NJ...Philly was where my heart WAS. I have been in and out of "several" detox's and rehabs. I always had the best intentions, like we all do. But, if you are not on your toes at ALL times, and do a 3rd step EVERDAY morning you wake up, you might as well just get prepared...It took me many years and many tries to get this. Do I have it now? I can't say that I do, because as soon as I think I have this thing beat, it comes back and kicks my a-- everytime.I can say, that I make a conscience contact with God everyday. I am a spiritual person. Which the rooms of NA teach. For the first time in my life I have a decent job, working for the state, I have my own place, car, and love.I always took life for granted and thought that I was inferior to dope. I would OD and come out of it. I would often think about suicide as my only resort. When I would shoot a bundle at a time, I still would not OD. I could not even kill myself. I had to LIVE this.. How could I ever get through it. The withdrawal, the jails, the life on the streets. ALL the minor details. I survived. It wasn't me. Yes, I made the CHOICE that I can't do this crap anymore, and once again God helped me out. Heroin was EVERYTHING to me. My passion. It still tends to creep back into my head, but I have to play the whole tape out.I have proven to myself a hundred times that I can't come near it. I am an addict. Which means NO DRUGS what-so-ever. I tried the maintence drugs, NOTHING worked. See, if your like me, you can't have "just one". That does not exist. It's ALL-or-Nothing. Today, I choose NOTHING, but life back. I still have issues that need mending with prayer, and time. I did ALOT of damage. and I'm just sick of the bullsh--..My thoughts and prayers go out to the Allen family. There is hope, don't give in to this vicious cycle of the "dope show". Because I'M TELLING YOU, once you start there is NO STOPPING. Regardless you what "you" may think. THIS IS NO JOKE.. I KNOW BECAUSE I LIVED IT, and now I'm living my LIFE..You will get tired of being Sick-and Tired, I just pray the angel of death does not come first..Love to you all, Keep up the good work.YOU ARE WORTH IT. Never forget that!!!!
Alicia <alicia.tucci@doh.state.nj.us>
trenton, nj USA - Monday, February 03, 2003 at 10:41:40 (HST)
What a tragedy. My cousin died 5 months ago at 25 from a heroin overdose, and her 7 year old daughter will never be the same because of it. Its hard for us to understand these things when we have never been where they have. I was so angry when I found out my cousin was dead, I didnt understand how she could do this to our family, as she was a big part of the family. My uncle said it best when he said at her funeral that she had a disease, adn God finally sent his angels to take her, as he had decided she had suffered enough. Before that I was so angry and could not grasp it. I had not yet allowed myself to view it as the disease it is. She did fight hard, just couldn't beat it. I only wish there was something more I could have done, or even one more day I could have spent with her.
Christina <cs102880@aol.com>
Columbus, OH USA - Sunday, February 02, 2003 at 18:43:27 (HST)
Leave me start with that im sorry about your dauther. I to have this diease im a addict always will be ive been in and out of rehabs and im only 21 if i am lucky 22 feb 11 2003 i relate so much with your dauthers story i stole mad money espially of my parents just becase i knew they wouldnt turn me in the people who loved me the most you know something we choice are own path my path is herion just like i chose to wait for the dope man at the coner when he toke my money to getit will basiclly i been a addict for 12 years thats more than half my life i just got out of another rehab i went in dec 16 2002 stay for 3 weeks and went ama thinking i was better2 day out the dope made it back into my arms o just found out i might have hep c from sharing needles u know i found god now since this is happen im losen him blaming him when it was me he didnt tell me to do this to my life i chose it u know something my family use to have a bet on old i was going to be 22 or 25 before i met my maker lookes soon to me but im going to try to go put on methadone if i can find any close by if i can find the help i need before i go i got a letter i wrote my folks 1 month ago telling them things in my lifethat i didnt want anyone to know and it a appologe for what i did wrong also sitting in my room so they can find case anything happens to me so they can do what your doing making people aware . my deepesed sorrows
justin <killer js@aol.com>
Johnstown, pa USA - Saturday, February 01, 2003 at 22:11:21 (HST)
It's a crying shame that we don't realise people are calling for help until it's too late - Why don't the people who have the power to make the changes care?
Claire O' Connor
Wicklow, Ireland - Saturday, February 01, 2003 at 03:48:33 (HST)
My thoughts are with all of you who have lost loved ones through drug abuse. I work in a Methadone clinic and am horrified by the appalling lack of help available to people with addiction to drugs. Daily, supervised doses of Methadone are only a tiny step towards solving the problems of drug abuse. I am determined to do all in my power to bring about change: to change attitudes (both public and health workers')to people with addictions; to provide life-changing help to addicts (such as access to activities in education, training, and leisure which will replace the drug environment which was their life); and to provide appropriate psychological counselling to help addicts cope with the underlying pain which they seek to suppress with addictive painkillers. My best wishes go to all addicts, in the hope that you will achieve better and happier lives. :-)
Lydia <the_iqueen@hotmail.com>
UK - Friday, January 31, 2003 at 03:59:48 (HST)
I'm very sorry for your loss. I saw that you had a program at my high school, because we recently had a teenager who overdosed on heroin. When I heard your story I couldnt stop crying. But I know not to be so stupid into doing drugs and alcohol and such other stuff that gets everyone high, but when I saw the last picture of you daughter Erin, it just burst me into tears and I just want to say that I hope that you are feeling better but I dont know how you can with what had happend......
Natalie Walton <nattiebabe1023@yahoo.com >
Springfield , Pa USA - Thursday, January 30, 2003 at 11:26:48 (HST)
I am a father of a beautiful 18y/o girl who has an addiction to heroin. We found out 2 months ago after she came to us for help. We had her in detox and rehab. The center she was sent to dismissed her from the program because they said she wasn't ready to commit to recovery and that it would affect the other patients. This infuriated me because she was in a place that should have keyed in on her problems and helped her. That was 2 weeks ago. She came home and we tried convincing her to try another rehab which was willing to accept her. She asked for a few more days to think about it. The old friends started calling and the next thing we know, she's using again. We had to kick her out of our house yesterday because the "experts" say we should not provide a safe haven for her addictive ways. I am broken hearted and scared. My wife and I are so scared she will end up just like Erin. We too live near Philadelphia and our daughter has told us already how she used to go there for her heroin and have guns in her face and her money stolen. I feel like a wreck and can't sleep with this heart wrenching worry. I wish this devil drug would be eradicated from God's Earth. I want happiness for my sweet little girl. We have an accepting detox and a 2year rehab which is in North Carolina which has a 95% success rate which is for women only who come out of recovery with a college degree. What a blessing it would be if the Lord helps her see the light and this most awesome opportunity for her. Is there a "magic" phrase I can tell my daughter to have her go back to rehab? I won't accept the fact that she has to hit rock bottom before she asks for help. Because rock bottom is that thin line between life and death. Im in tears.
JMS <jsidmt40@earthlink.net>
dover, de USA - Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 19:25:35 (HST)
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a sister who is now 30, and the stories are so similar. I fear for my sisters life every day, I am so affraid that I will pick up the phone and get the same message. God Bless you and your family!!!!
lynn <komplete1@adelphia.net>
USA - Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 14:32:26 (HST)
My heart goes out to you Marie and your family. I have spoken to you on several ocasions over the years. You cut my hair once at the Hair Accademy and I have spoken to several officers in the drug unit and they speak so highly of you and what you do. God Bless you that you can reach out through the pain and help others. I am sure that if Erin was here she would be very proud of her mother. Take care and God Bless
Ruth Ann DiSabatino <Radisabatin@aol.com>
Newark, DE USA - Monday, January 27, 2003 at 16:48:49 (HST)
i coudlnt stop crying while reading this side...she ws such a pretty girl but you know i wish that were me so terribly...i just wish i had the guts to kill my self...ive tried and it hastn worked for people who never been addicted to herion you dont know what its like you dont know the pain just thinkin about it months after you are detox just one last time leads to one more time and id be free of my pain if this would happend to me..the one time i did od on herion my brother found me and called 911 and they saved me and i will always wish he had never found...too much pain...again im sorry and i hope god if near is with her and is with you .....
nemo shirazi <persianemo@aol.com>
aurora, il USA - Sunday, January 26, 2003 at 14:32:28 (HST)
I still think of Erin quite often. I knew her personally, not as good as some, but I did know her. I met her at the Methadone clinic during her fourth month stay. We became friends quickly. We hit it off from the start. She was different than many girls that I would meet back then, she had that something “special”. She would pick me up in her red car and take me to AA meetings and then for ice cream, she was so giving in that way. I tried as much as I could to be close to her but Erin was still in a place that I was trying to steer clear of. Whenever I think of Erin, I think of her beautiful smile and how she always made me happy when I was sad and depressed. When she put herself into Detox, I spent my last 40 dollars to send her a bunch of balloons and a carton of cigarettes because I was so proud of her and I wanted to cheer her up like she always had done for me. That was my last contact with her. We never got to see each other again before she died. I blame myself for that really. I made an appointment to see her at Crest but was so upset and had so much anxiety when the day came that I backed out. I'll never stop regeretting that decision. Although I did not have an enduring long relationship with her, she was one of those people that touched your life in a special way, even if you only knew her for a short time. I am still at the clinic and still clean after 5 years. I have lost many people due to heroin and have cried many tears because I miss them so much. I stay clean for myself and for those people that aren't here to try anymore.
Tabatha <ravensoul@comcast.net>
Wilm, DE USA - Sunday, January 26, 2003 at 08:43:00 (HST)
I have 70 days today clean off of heroin. I am so sorry for your loss. I do believe that God would not have taken your daughter home if she would have ever gotten clean. He took mercy on his baby. This disease is very fatal. Thanks for the reminder.
Carol Forsyth <cmfrsyth@aol.com>
Lubbbock, TX USA - Saturday, January 25, 2003 at 08:16:23 (HST)
I am so verry sorry for your loss. I too have lost family and friends to drug addiction. My prayers are with you.... Sincerely, Cindy
Cindy <saphirejewel@msn.com>
Pawtucket, RI USA - Friday, January 24, 2003 at 09:02:14 (HST)
opiates in general have to go there is no room in this scociety for our children to make the same mistakes as us anymore... I am a recovered addict and my father also is we have to break the cycle now people, theese are mistakes of our past! Heroin was created in a lab! by a doctor who thought he was helping with the morphine addicts from the war, we need to realize this is a disease we created and now we have to stop the cycle I pray for everyone now god bless you all!
amber <scroft3377@msn.com>
seattle, wa USA - Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 14:55:25 (HST)
I am in total tears! It's so wierd how people can grow up so happy & so loved & end up with something so horrible. I do not use heroin and I can't even try & imagene what it is like. I am very sorry for your loss. I never knew Erin but just reading about her I feel close. She was a good person other than the drug addiction. I can tell already this page is going to change a lot of lives.
Little Tear
CA USA - Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 11:33:58 (HST)
I am a 53 yr old Methdenone patient and have been on this maintenaince =since 1987. There aren't too many people that don't give me weird looks when they find out at my age but hey at least I'm not stealing mom's pocketbook anymore. I'd love to log on to a chat site or just some1 please do not hesitate to contact me. I'm a fairly good musician and almost made it to the charts but had to do the background darkface unknown musician because of my credentials. Please someone contact me I really wanna hear from you.
Gloria Brown <precisionb@aol.com>
staten island, NY USA - Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 10:08:10 (HST)
I've been reading this page for about an hour, I have 30 days clean from heroin. I first took it to battle depression and it was offered to me by a man that had a horrible problem he wanted to sleep with me and decited that getting me high was the best way to go about that. I used for a year. I was an exotic dancer for 10 years and stayed away from drugs for nine out of ten of thoes years, but it finally got the better of me that tenth year when I was readt to quit but couldn't find an out. I moved myself to a different state to get away from it, but to no avail, I moved into an appartment next door to a user, he shared his problem with me and i was unable to say no when it was offered to me.I have allot of family that loves me dearly and fortunealty I stayed out of harms way for a long time I mean I alwys had money and didn't have to sell my body or go to jail but I was lucky, many arn't. I struggle every day I dream about using when I sleep, but I've put my life in the hands of god because I believe thats whats going to keep me clean that and when I think of using again I think of my sister, mother father,nephew, and all the rest of my family. I was half dead when my sister came to california to rescue me from myself, she flew in and packed everything I owned in a uhual and drove me where I am now with her I have to change my whole life I am going to go back to school to be a linguist, I feel like life has given me a second chance for survival I'm so sorry about Erin, that she wasn't as lucky, heroin is the devil, I had a reading done while I was in cal. using it said the devil was chaseing me but that I would eventually win, It was true I've been cring as I read everyone's stories because it could have been one of my family's stories about me. I'm 30 years old and I'm going back to school,I'm here to plead with young woman please don't dance for a living Please, It will lead to drug abuse eventually even the strongest of you will fall just like me, God bless everyone. I keep hearing about the "war on drugs" we all know its way to easy to get drugs and help using. All I had to do was look in the phone book to attain needles! If I had ten dolars I could buy a whole box of them, common people we need help for this disease, I've been researching it all morning and it is a disease. Thats what we need to know to treat it properly. I made a decision one day while I was high that I wanted to live because I saw my own death in visions, daydreams maybeI wanted to die, until I saw how much I had to live for,I alwys said and you could have quoted me for years, "I'll never do heroin can you imagine sticking a needle in yourself?" but eventually battling depression over my job and seeing no escape route from it, I too was drawn in by the monster we come to call HEROIN>>> stop the cycle now for our children's sake so nobody has to miss their child and greive for them no parent should have to do this.My heart goes out to all who greive. I have thirty days and I'm going for the world record forever.....amber
amber <scroft33@aol.com>
seattle , wa USA - Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 08:29:18 (HST)
I've been reading this page for about an hour, I have 30 days clean from heroin. I first took it to battle depression and it was offered to me by a man that had a horrible problem he wanted to sleep with me and decited that getting me high was the best way to go about that. I used for a year. I was an exotic dancer for 10 years and stayed away from drugs for nine out of ten of thoes years, but it finally got the better of me that tenth year when I was readt to quit but couldn't find an out. I moved myself to a different state to get away from it, but to no avail, I moved into an appartment next door to a user, he shared his problem with me and i was unable to say no when it was offered to me.I have allot of family that loves me dearly and fortunealty I stayed out of harms way for a long time I mean I alwys had money and didn't have to sell my body or go to jail but I was lucky, many arn't. I struggle every day I dream about using when I sleep, but I've put my life in the hands of god because I believe thats whats going to keep me clean that and when I think of using again I think of my sister, mother father,nephew, and all the rest of my family. I was half dead when my sister came to california to rescue me from myself, she flew in and packed everything I owned in a uhual and drove me where I am now with her I have to change my whole life I am going to go back to school to be a linguist, I feel like life has given me a second chance for survival I'm so sorry about Erin, that she wasn't as lucky, heroin is the devil, I had a reading done while I was in cal. using it said the devil was chaseing me but that I would eventually win, It was true I've been cring as I read everyone's stories because it could have been one of my family's stories about me. I'm 30 years old and I'm going back to school,I'm here to plead with young woman please don't dance for a living Please, It will lead to drug abuse eventually even the strongest of you will fall just like me, God bless everyone. I keep hearing about the "war on drugs" we all know its way to easy to get drugs and help using. All I had to do was look in the phone book to attain needles! If I had ten dolars I could buy a whole box of them, common people we need help for this disease, I've been researching it all morning and it is a disease. Thats what we need to know to treat it properly. I made a decision one day while I was high that I wanted to live because I saw my own death in visions, daydreams maybeI wanted to die, until I saw how much I had to live for,I alwys said and you could have quoted me for years, "I'll never do heroin can you imagine sticking a needle in yourself?" but eventually battling depression over my job and seeing no escape route from it, I too was drawn in by the monster we come to call HEROIN>>> stop the cycle now for our children's sake so nobody has to miss their child and greive for them no parent should have to do this.My heart goes out to all who greive. I have thirty days and I'm going for the world record forever.....amber
amber <scroft33@aol.com>
seattle , wa USA - Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 08:25:57 (HST)
I would like to say how sorry I am for having losing some-one special due to herion. I am a user myself but at the moment I'm going through a detox. Reading this web page has made me relise it can happen to anyone, even if they have everything going for them in their lives.I wish you some happiness and I believe she will be watching over her family.
Karyn Robb <w.robb@tiscali.co.uk>
Tillicoultry, Clacks Scotland UK - Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 23:13:16 (HST)
sorry about your loss i lost my little brother onJan 4 2003 i know what it feels like i wish there was some way to help peole with addictions
ELAINE <GIGGYMOM2@MSN.COM>
greenfield, Mass USA - Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 08:03:57 (HST)
sorry about your loss i lost my little brother onJan 4 2003 i know what it feels like i wish there was some way to help peole with addictions
ELAINE <GIGGYMOM2@MSN.COM>
greenfield, Mass USA - Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 08:03:54 (HST)
Sorry for your loss, i lost my cousin the same way. God Bless
Amber <Amber@Goatweb.com>
peoria, az USA - Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 05:27:09 (HST)
Iam very touched by erins story. Iam sorry for your loss but have to tell you how much I admire you for what you are doing. Today my brother was admitted to rehab for herion abuse. My brother and I have been best friends for all of his 22 years. We have been here for each other through a lot of difficult times. With in the last six months i noticed a huge change in him,lying,stealing more, just not caring about anything. Around Christmas time the reason finally came out herion abuse,,,he has always had addictions in the past. Iam scared for him, I want to help him, I don't know how........What would you have done diferently? Would you tryed a different treatment plan or is it differnet for everyone? Is there anyway for me to help? Be here for him love him? I have two children,both boys who he loves dearly,,,Iam hoping by him keeping contact it might engage something in his brain that he needs to help him. I do not want to lose my brother to this how do i help him help himself?
violet <carterjigger@aol.com>
nh USA - Tuesday, January 14, 2003 at 16:35:43 (HST)
i am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Natalie Sabie
Lanoka Harbor, nj USA - Tuesday, January 14, 2003 at 09:07:33 (HST)
I am very sorry to hear about all of your losses. Heroin takes some of the most precious people. I am an ex heroin user myself, I was using for 8 years, and I am only 18 now. I was first introduced to heroin when I was younger, I was raised in the streets of New York, and joined a gang when i was just young. They fed me, raised me and tought me how to fight. And started shooting me up with heroin when i was young. I stayed using heroin for 8 years going in and out of rehabs, lost many friends and loved ones. Some to death from heroin and some to my own addiction. I watched my best friend shoot his head off right in front of me because of heroin, and 12 others from overdoses. After that, I got sent to a very good rehab, and one of the techs there changed my outlook on life. We were told to do an exercise during group, we were to write the names of all the people in our lives that we care about and that care about us, then they told us to crush the paper, throw it on the ground and stomp on it, and that's what we do to the people we love in our lives. Thats what finally brought me into sober life. I am now 2 and 1/2 years sober and I wouldn't give sober life up for the world. It's hard, everyday is a struggle, but we have to take it one day at a time. I go to schools and rehabs to tell my story hoping that others will learn from my mistakes before it is too late. I have a boyfriend that is addicted, and he recently signed himself into rehab and has now been sober for several months, I pray that he learns from me, and stays that way. I care about him with all my heart, and all i can do is be there for him. I went through it to, so i will continue to be there for him. To all the other users out there, good luck, your dancing with the devil. Please seek help for your addiction, it only gets worse. And remember, take it one day at a time.
Mindi Kasper <BabyGirl208021@aol.com>
Elizabethtown, Pa USA - Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 05:18:06 (HST)
I first want to say how terribly sorry i am for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. Somebody please tell me what in the hell is going on?? Why is this drug becoming ever so popular? Why are people trying it...it's a proven fact IT KILLS!!! To all the users who may read this, i can only imagine how hard it might be to get off the drug, but shit think about how much better and easier it will be in the future...don't you want a better life? i know of 2 people that have a serious heroin problem and i look at them and say to myself how pathetic. They have dragged their 9 month old baby to the worst streets of baltimore city to buy it, and in my opinion thats attempted murder to take your child on those streets, but hey who am i to say...it's all in the hands of the ones holding the needle! But hey step back and think...would u approve of your child taking part in that abusive drug behavior!! When are these people going to learn? When they're looking down from heaven saying how could i have been so STUPID?!!? Watching their family picking up the peices of just lossing a loved one...and alls you could think about was getting HIGH!! Goodluck to all the users because you've dug your grave by trying it...just try not to lay in it before your time is up! my heart goes out to all the users because drugs are nasty and i feel sorry for those so WEAK that get caught up in the vicious cycle!
Gina <Jadaboos@aol.com>
Havre de Grace, MD USA - Friday, January 03, 2003 at 21:09:37 (HST)
Hello again. Its so odd and devastating to be writing again a condolence as my only sister has passed just one month after I wrote my first condolence to you. She was one yr older than me and wanted to live and be young. She was beautifull and still wore her teenie bikini... :) I must say I envied the way she stayed in such great shape for her age. She certainly did not look 43. Well, To just say it. She has died from an over dose of heroin. My precious sister over dosed on a tuesday. It caused a stroke which went on for days. her husband and sons just thought she was going through withdrawel so they did not seek medical help in time. She had severe heart infection and small blood clots were continually being released in her precious little body. She is in heaven now. I am heart broken. I know truely with all this heart I have know your pain. God be with you and bless you. My sis passed quietly...I hope she knew I was there at the hospital with her through the whole thing. she went in being able to walk barely and talk and she still knew her family when she entered the hospital. then on visiting day she could not talk with them and did not know them. they moved her to trauma and then intensive care. They worked for over a week to save her. then moved my sweetie to hospice where she passed the very night while my mother and father , her husband and I were at her side.. they put her in a drug ward. and actually she needed medical help....but they did not know that considring her heroin and cocaine abuse. I will miss and love my friend and sister till the day I leave this planet. God bless you my friend in grief and in life. If you ever want to talk. Please feel comfortable to write me at my hotmail address. again.....God love and be with you and your family. Jana Mc
Jana Mc <Janamcclesk@hotmail.com>
Lipan , Tx. USA - Tuesday, December 31, 2002 at 22:11:37 (HST)
we're a elite a race own .we're junks . this song from alice in chains is a sumarize of my pain DOWN IN A HOLE Bury me softly in this womb I give this part of me for you Sand rains down and here I sit Holding rare flowers in a tomb... in bloom Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved See my heart I decorate it like a grave You don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be Look at me now a man who won't let himself be Down in a hole, feelin' so small Down in a hole, losin' my soul I'd like to fly But my wings have been so denied Down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned out of taste I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth I will speak no more of my feelings beneath Down in a hole, feelin' so small Down in a hole, losin' my soul I'd like to fly But my wings have been so denied Bury me softly in this womb (oh, I want to be inside of you) I give this part of me for you (oh, I want to be inside of you) Sand rains down and here I sit Holding rare flowers in a tomb (oh, I want to be inside of you) Oh, I want to be inside Down in a hole, feelin' so small Down in a hole, losin' my soul Down in a hole, feelin' so small Down in a hole, out of control I'd like to fly But my wings have been so denied ns is a sumarize of my pain !!
layne thomas staley <ramonline@ieg.com.br>
brazil - Tuesday, December 31, 2002 at 14:48:49 (HST)
I am lucky and have NEVER done drugs. Till recently I never knew a Drugie. Now I am a lot poorer and a lot wiser. I have seen Heroine destroy someone loved. I view it as the number ONE problem we face. Never mind Iraq , Heroine kills every day. For me the hardess thing was to put her Kid into care. My role in her life is now over , however in the good book it sayes we are to forgive our enemies. For people on Heroine , lieing , cheating , destroying are simply the normal way of living. I see the only long term hope is to destroy the black market. For while Heroine is available , there is NO hope for the users. At best 50% will get off it , for the rest there is just misery. The only solution as I see , a non drug user , is to give it away. Then the black market will disappear. In the short term this WILL lead to more users , but it is the only long term solution that I can see. I am sorry for your daughter , her story breaks my heart. She was not bad , but Heroine made her do bad things. Only when evil had won its victory did it finish with her. I will remember your daughter in my prayers , and thank you for your story. I also pray that as a society we will come to terms with this problem. So one day on one will do Heroine. My govenment will spend Billions fighting Iraq. For half that money it could start to win the war on drugs. The problem is that people see druggies as bad. Now I can see them as lost , I just hope and pray that as a society we can justify the resource to go looking for them , to find them again. My friend like deep purple too , she like "ONE MORE BRICK IN THE WALL" she said the song talked of depression , which was her problem , its just that Heroine can not possibly be the answer. Mike B
Mike <mikerbirch@hotmail.com>
UK - Monday, December 30, 2002 at 06:16:32 (HST)
I wrote on here about 6 or 7 weeks ago. I wrote about my daughter, and how she's been on heroin for 5 years now. I've been so afraid that she would overdose on it. I get worried every night that I will get that call from the police that all parents dread. Well, on Christmas eve, the family directly across the street from me did get that visit from the police. Their son was found dead from a overdose. I am so upset from it. The worst nightmare for me, came not 500 feet away from me. To another mom's house! The boy that died was such a great kid. He was nice, and a good kid, and just got mixed up in this terrible thing that is taking our children from us. He just recently started using not long ago. Now he is gone. I don't really understand what's going on with this drug. I live on a street with only 6 houses. They are all nice older homes. You would say, "what a lovely street." But do you know that 3 houses out of those 6 have a child on heroin. I think that's a little outragious! It is killing all these young beautiful people. Something has to change. I am heartbroken over this tradgedy. I pray that this tool of satan's someday leaves this earth. Please pray for this young man's parents? They are devistated.
Gina Kevins <Olivianik@msn.com>
Ct. USA - Friday, December 27, 2002 at 18:15:14 (HST)
My best friend is in love with a guy whose is using heroin. I am worried about her because he has already displyed physical abusive behavior towards her. She thinks that the problem will go away she does not know how seious this is. He sells drugs and gives her money and she is holding on to him for that reason as well as being in love with him. He rapes her when she does not want to have sex. She has attempted to put him out but he refuses to leave her alone. He threatens to kill himself. She has a beautiful little daughter that I love and the situation makes me want to cry because I am scared that he will eventually kill her be murder or AIDS. The story about Erin is so touching tears filled my eyes as with the others. My heart goes out to he family. Heroin is the devil!
cinnamon <cinnamon01@hotmail.com>
Baltimore , MD USA - Friday, December 27, 2002 at 07:29:16 (HST)
My best friend is in love with a guy whose is using heroin. I am worried about her because he has already displyed physical abusive behavior towards her. She thinks that the problem will go away she does not know how seious this is. He sells drugs and gives her money and she is holding on to him for that reason as well as being in love with him. He rapes her when she does not want to have sex. She has attempted to put him out but he refuses to leave her alone. He threatens to kill himself. She has a beautiful little daughter that I love and the situation makes me want to cry because I am scared that he will eventually kill her be murder or AIDS. The story about Erin is so touching tears filled my eyes as with the others. My heart goes out to he family. Heroin is the devil!
cinnamon <cinnamon01@hotmail.com>
Baltimore , MD USA - Friday, December 27, 2002 at 07:29:13 (HST)
Hello everyone. I have spent so many hours in this site today, wow! My sister inlaw showed me this site yesterday, 12/25/02 and after she left my house today I have done nothing in my home just to be in here reading all the comments and stories that you people have posted. I have done nothing but cry. To begin, I have never used heroin or plan to use it because I have seen the effects it has. I feel so bad for those who have used it and are still using it because as I heard for those who are weak, it`s a hard and expensive habit to break. I`m not here to judge anyone, I`m just here to say,,,, To those who have kids and a family at home that loves you and cares for you. Please try your best to get rid of this ( junk ) that even if you do not think so, It`s taking over your life. Think of your kids, family and especially to the one and only person that went thru the pain to bring you into this world. Remember that we dont know what we have until we loose it.. . To Erin`s mother, God Bless YOU and keep up the good work...
Unknown
NJ USA - Thursday, December 26, 2002 at 21:23:08 (HST)
Last feb 01 I lost my boyfriend to H, he was only 21. He just admitted to me he was using the night before, I begged him to stop to no avail, he killed himself in my bathroom. The grief and guilt I have went through in the past year has been awful. His brothers, parents, friends etc blame myself for his death although I am not and never have been a user! Does any one know of any sites where i can find information on the habit so that I can try to understand, his addiction and why my pleas and tears went unheard? Merry xmas to u all and my deepest sympathy to anyone whos been affected by H use.
trisha devine <trishnish@hotmail.com>
stirling, uk - Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 04:07:04 (HST)
I would just like to say my sympathy is with you at this sad time. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your child. I am addicted to Heroin and it has ruined my family's lives. I have put them through hell. I feel so ashamed of myself but I really hope to beat this addiction as it is a disease. I think your story will encourage alot of addicts to change their lives for the better. Again my sympathy is with you and your family.
nicole <nicoledavies@hotmail.com>
London, UK - Monday, December 23, 2002 at 21:05:25 (HST)
My son died Nov 4th. the day before my birthday. He overdosed on heroin on the beach where he was born. He died under the stars peacefully, but now we are left to grieve. He was in 8 rehabs, jail, etc. but the judge let him out and he was clean, and overdosed. I know what you went through, I grieve with you. Hunter Cristian Roberts, dead 2 months, My life, my love my joy My 19 year old...Love Christa
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
Malibu, Ca USA - Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 07:16:53 (HST)
contact me
jon <j24548364wfr@aol.com>
england, USA - Friday, December 20, 2002 at 14:03:05 (HST)
My heart goes out to you, Erin's story really touched my heart. My name is Amy, I am 24 yrs. old. I have been clean from heroin for almost 3 years now (Jan. 17 2003, will mark 3 years!)I used for 4. What you are doing IS saving lives, and alowing those of us who are batteling to vent. Thank You..To those who read this and are using,please know there is so much more to life, and there is hope, I am living proof of that. I had a gram a day/85% pure/4 year habit and I did it, you can too. Life has so much to offer, after you've been in the dark so long,the light is only that much more beautiful....If you need advice or just to talk to someone who can relate and understand feel free to e-mail me, if I can change 1 mind then Ive returned the favor God Blessed me with. God Bless.
Amy F. <amimarrie@superiorsolar.com>
Orlando, FL USA - Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 09:06:22 (HST)
I just wantedto say that i was deeply touched by your story. My mother does heroin and I will never understand why!? She always says that she wants to quit but it never happensShe says it will only take about 4 days of her being "sick" and she will be over it, but when she "tries" she can never do it. I think it has somthing to do with her boyfriend, he also does it and I dont think he wants to quit. Im 19 and i live with my grandmother but i have a 9 and 13 year old brother that live with her and it is not fair to them. Whenever my mom or her boyfriend have money they spend it on that. It makes me so mad that she makes them suffer because of her addiction. She says that after Christmas they are going to quit, but we'll see. Im sorry about your daughter and i hope your story will inspire anyone who in on any drug.
L. Garcia <L1283@aol.com>
Wa USA - Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 16:40:52 (HST)
I am sorry for your loss. One should never lose a child. My girl friend is addicted to heroin. At the present time she is in prison. She will be getting out at the end of this month. Her addiction started back when she was 11. Alcohol came first and it has progressed to the point where she has been using heroin for the past 5 years. I just pray that she stays clean when she gets out. She all the support that she needs, however, it is SHE that must finally put and end to her agony. My prayers are with you and your family. Sincerely, Paul
Paul <saprissa73@net1plus.com>
Weston, MA USA - Monday, December 16, 2002 at 15:04:33 (HST)
Dear Son I light a candle for you each night You have no idea how Iwish I could hold you tight. It's been 6 long months since you left me And I wonder if from the heavens you can see I put a Christmas tree up for you And we light a candle each night too We all sit around feeling so blue You have no idea, you have no clue The hole that has been left in my heart When the Lord decided it was time we part. Your favorite holiday is so near The Christmas songs, do you hear? Your picture I put beneath the tree It is the closest I can get to having you with me I send love to you in the heavens above Merry Christmas son.....with all my love Love you always and forever Mom
carol <Depsprings@aol.com>
NJ USA - Monday, December 16, 2002 at 03:10:18 (HST)
This Christmas Eve will be three years since I said good bye to my mother. She too had died of heroin and left a 12 yearl old little boy with no mother. I, his sister, have brought him to live with my aunt. Reading your daughter's story made me cry. As a mother now I could not imagine the pain you felt. Reading your story and the commetns pwople have left has helped me hopefully to get through another christmas without her. As do you, I'm sure, I miss my mom so much at the holidays. I hope your family has a healthy holiday season together and it helps to know that there are people missing thier loved ones like me because of such a horrible drug.
JBoudreau <salma@attbi.com>
Hanover, MA USA - Saturday, December 14, 2002 at 16:41:18 (HST)
thankyou for sharing your story - i am an addict,continually lying too and deceiving those who love me, and it is slowly tearing me up. My prayers are with you.
Franco
London, UK - Friday, December 13, 2002 at 07:08:23 (HST)
FIRST OFF I,M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.MY FAMILY IS AFRAID THAT WERE GOING TO LOSE ARE NEICE IN THE SAME MANER,THIS WEEK ALONE SHE HAS LOST HER THREE KIDSAND SEEMS NOT TO CARE MUCH.WHERE I LIVE IN MD. I'M NOT GETTING MUCH HELP UNLESS YOU HAVE A POCKET FULL OF MONEY.IF WE DON'T GET HELP SOON FOR HER I DON'T NO HOW SHE IS GOING TO END UP.AGAIN I'M SORRY FOR YOUR FAMILY.
LELAND AMES <LEEAM410@AOL.COM>
DARLINGTON, MD USA - Thursday, December 12, 2002 at 15:31:54 (HST)
Dear marie I became so frustrated with ignorant coments the last time I left a condolence I failed to tell you, how much I think of what you have done. For not only sharing arons story and your memories of her. But to actually create an atmosphere where others who are hurting{weather addicted or connected to an addict} can share I think that was an amazing tribute .what this world needs is for everyone to be given compassion and understanding. Wheather you are a addict or love one or just pass one everyday on your way to life. you must not forget just because you cant imagine their expeirence or why does not give you any specail badge to not be a part of a solution. Addicts are people with humanity and depth and the abillity to love and be loved.I cannot express to anyone still suffering enough, how important it is to keep going. Often times we get ourselves into theese messes and you can get yourself out. ADDICTOIN IS A MAN MADE OR DEVIL MADE THING. AND NOT bigger than OUR GOD. WHOEVER YOUR GOD. with gods love all things are possible. and so for people who feel like shit because their still suffering .{USING} because their addictions lead them to do unspeakable things to obtain their drug. Your not shit. Your human; in a shitty situation. If you really want a different life you have to suffer the tuff stuff. You have to educate not intoxicate your brain and discover different coping tools.cALL IT PRECHING OR BITCHING OR WHATEVER. WHAT I KNOW IS THEIR IS KNOW PEACE ON THIS EARTH LIKE NOT HAVING THAT MONKEY TO WORRY ABOUT. And for those of you about to believe that fucking lie. "I can use just one more time" You may want to have some real faith in that lie,because this may just be your last time.
grateful <l.yankee@attbi.com>
0r USA - Sunday, December 08, 2002 at 19:31:42 (HST)
im so sorry about your daughter, having 2 girls myself , being a mum , the pain you must feel i cannot imagine , but i really do feel for u and your family. my brother is a heroine addict, he is nineteen , me and my family are findibg it so hard to cope with, here in the uk , rehab is so hard to come by, but even if you can afford it they dont take the kids in against there will. i wait everynight for the phonecall which you got, i dont understand why this has to happen my brother , which i can imagine you asked the same question to yourself. anyway enough about us, i am so so sorry what you have had to go through, and i hope the pain eases, as i write this my heart really feels for your family. even though i dont know you, i feel for you all, god bless.
ayshea <ukbabe1005@yahoo.co.uk>
uk - Sunday, December 08, 2002 at 13:25:13 (HST)
Mrs. Allen...I am doing the same thing to my mom. Worse is I have a daughter. I'm a piece of s---. I can only try to get better. I'm doing that now. I hope Erin has found peace. I hope she floats with the angels. It's freezing in Philly, and you know people are still "out there". I have a safe place like Erin did. Thanks to her story I will take advantage of it. My mom is sleeping a little right now, and I want to hit the street, and start over. It's a draw. It calls you, but I'll stay here, and wait for the pain that goes with the s--- getting out of my system, but never my memory.
Wren
Philly, USA - Saturday, December 07, 2002 at 15:37:11 (HST)
I too am so sorry for you incredible loss. i am a drug addict for what i am sure is maybe going on nine years. my heart goes out to you and your family. i feel so connected with your story. it brought tears to my eyes. icannot even begin to imagine your pain. you are doing such a good thing. donot stop telling erin's story. if you even stop one child from taking drugs or helping one stop then you have done your job. god bless you!!
laura
nj USA - Friday, December 06, 2002 at 18:28:37 (HST)
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a son in July 2001, to a heroin overdose. He had his addiction for five years. He was the kindest, most sensitive human being. We will never know why he turned to heroin, but it not only ruined his life, but the lives of our whole family. His life was cut short by it and our lives will never be the same without him. We loved him unconditionally and gave him everything we could to try to help him through his addiction. He was in many rehabs and we helped him with whatever we could, but when they are so addicted to the drug, they don't realize what love is really all about. They just want that next fix to learn to deal with the pain they are going through. I wish our government would do something about this drug trafficing. They know it is a problem, but they continue to ignore it. How many innocent young people must die from this dreadful addiction. God bless you and your family. I know what you are going through. I still cry every day and sometimes I think I can barely get through the day.
Sallie <sal52hab@aol.com>
Annville, pa USA - Friday, December 06, 2002 at 14:19:15 (HST)
Dear Marie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. God bless. Dear Maria, You will die if you continue to use heroin. Whether it is from an OD, needle sharing, body selling, robbery, frost bite, (because you would rather live on the street doing drugs then pay for rent), etc... It is possible to get clean without any medication. You are fortunate enough to have a meth. program. Work it, and talk to your Dr. if it isn't working for you. It sounds as though you know what is right and what is wrong. This man (from NY)was sober when he got out of jail. Hopefully he still is today. I'm assuming that because he lived on the streets, then he had no means to buy drugs in jail. I believe that if he remained sober for that length of time, his physical addiction is over. The mental addiction is another story. He needs to want to be sober, even if it means giving up all that he associated with. I have a cousin in jail right now. He WAS an ACTIVE addict for 7 years. I miss him dearly but he is going to get out and still be alive. I thank God daily for keeping him safe and alive. He went in there with a substantial habit. The system didn't give him medication while he was kickin' it. They don't offer meth. to prisoners. He has been in there for almost 4 months now. He was forced to give up all of his dependencies, he had many. He is going through a lot, pretty much alone. He has to ask permission to do just about everything. He gets a hand stuck up his ass after I visit him, to ensure that I haven't passed him drugs. I believe him when he says that he will not return to that life, and the door to the prison will not revolve for him. This is the only time he has been in prison but it is the only time I will ever visit him there. I'm not giving him more then this chance. I love him and always will, that is why I refuse to allow him to think he has chanceS to change. He has only one. If he returns to a life with drugs, then he will be completely alone. I'm generous, as the rest of our large family didn't even give him that. He never stole from any of us but he had unacceptable behaviors (begging for change on the streets, nodding out, drunken outbursts, etc..)He has ODed before too. His loving friends put ice up his ass to wake him, otherwise they would have disposed of him for fear of being arrested. Almost every day he would wet himself while "nodding", this means his body was shutting down. However his friends told him that it just meant he should try to use the bathroom before he slammed. I could go on and on. I want you to choose to live. Make the RIGHT choice. You know right now that heroin is your life. That is no life for anyone. It's trash. Did you ever dream that living on the street, eating out of garbage cans, wearing dirty clothes on an unbathed body was what you wanted for yourself? Begging for money isn't dependable work. When you punch a time card, it's guranteed that you will be paid for your work. This will eventually take you off the streets. At the very least you have your work hours in a sheltered place. God has blessed you with another day, make the most of it!
Someone who Cares <anyone@hotmail.com>
Anytown, CT USA - Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 05:22:09 (HST)
Hi, my name is maria i have been a heroin addict for 2 years. Imeet a 37 year old man 2 years ago who interdused me to the drug now i am 20 years old and he has left me. 3 mo ago he went to prison and iwas left alon on the streets of bklyn, NY brok and homless, with a $200 doller a day heroin addiction. I stayed there on the streets for 2 and a half more months doing any thing to support my habit. Meanwhile the whol time i could have come home to my mothers house in MN. i finally came back here after having to sell my own ass, to get a fix. My mother has just took me back in and i am on a meth program but i still cant stop using. I can see what youre dauter went through and i am so sorry. The thing is i dont think about how much i am hurting my mother. i have totally ruined every thing she has worked for in just 2 weekes of being here and it is like i feel bad about it but i keep on stelling her checks her money her car any thing to keep up my habit. and know the man that introdused me to heroin is out of jail and i am thinking of going back to NY to be with him and to get high easer. but i am so scareed becuse in just the first year of my using i OD 3 times and i dont know why i am still here. Im scared and i dont know what to do all i know is i dont want to die as a heroin addict. Youre story tuched me and i cryed i have not been able to cry in a long time and it feels like forever sence i really felt any thing any more!I am so sorry about what happened to youre daughter. maby i should think befor i walk out of the house tonight becuse i could be next. thank you again. love, maria
maria hartnell
Coon Rapids, MN USA - Tuesday, December 03, 2002 at 13:50:19 (HST)
I wanted to add to what others have already said. I feel for your daughter. I am currently 19 years old and when i look back on my past i'm not sure why i chose not to do heroin, i've been around it, my hometown Lewistown is infested with heroin addicts, but i thank god that i made the choices i did. But one thing i can give you, is that i was once engaged to someone i loved very much, but heroin took control of his life and finally he chose the drug over me. i don't hate him, i feel badly for him, he needs help, but won't get it. And like many people, i don't understand, what drove him to do heroin or why, when he knows he has an addiction he doesn't get help. Please, anyone who reads this, take it to heart. People need to know that heroin destroys lives and families. Like Erin said, Heroin is the DEVIL!
Nikki <ndsst2@mail.francis.edu>
Lewistown, Pa USA - Sunday, December 01, 2002 at 14:59:38 (HST)
I'm so sorry.
Tim Steffes
USA - Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 20:26:03 (HST)
My heart goes out to you. I know too many people, especially young women who are in the clutches of heroin addiction. I myself was addicted for 7 years. In that time I learned nothing about myself except that I was a addict and would do ANYTHING for my fix. I sold my body. I stole. I lied. I cheated. I robbed. I ended up in jail. I ended up on the street. I went to a mental hospital. And now I struggle with the monster of addiction everyday. I am tempted by the devil. Even this morning as I checked my messages I came across one that was from an old drug dealer I knew. They never leave you alone. You can vow to forget. You can move on but you will always remember. And you will never be the same again.
Andy Fiore <afiorefilm@hotmail.com>
Toronto, ON Canada - Friday, November 29, 2002 at 11:43:22 (HST)
i am sorry to hear your story i have lost two friends in the last week from heroin.
adam
st .louis, mo USA - Friday, November 29, 2002 at 11:23:23 (HST)
I read this story at least every other day. I have posted ccomments in here back in March when I first came to this site. My son has been messing with heroin for two years now. He has been to rehabs, hospitals, counceling and nothing works. He just recently went through a five day detox which was a joke. Came right out and used. He thinks he can control this drug. No one can!! this drug lies to you. I love this site and am thankful for everyone that writes in. It helps me to know that I'm not alone with this situation. If anyone would like to e-mail me with the same situation and would like to just talk ,please feel free to write. Thank you once again Marie for your strenght and knowledge of what Erin had gone through. You have reached my heart and I know many others.
Sheri <Krazedone58@aol.com>
IL USA - Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 12:08:35 (HST)
every one of your stories moved me to tears. i will pray for you all right now. you are all very strong and god is watching over you. thank you for being so courageous in sharing your stories.
summer york
victoria , bc canada - Monday, November 25, 2002 at 22:26:33 (HST)
I have been clean for 2 and 1/2 years and the past few days I have been having so much trouble, I'm on methadone (so I guess I can't really say I'm clean clean) it i s the only thing that has helped me stay clean. Everyday I start to think about going to cop me a bag or 2 and the needle That is the biggest addiction for me!!!! When I was sick I also would write, write about how there is this othr women (Bitch) sleeping inside of me and she would stay asleep as long as I shot dope, but if I couldn't get any she would slowly wake up, she would start in my stomach and within 30 minutes or so she would be trying to bust out of my arms, legs and especailly my back, and all it would take is the little white powder and the needle in my arm to put to sleep instantly!!! I have been to hell and back, I can tell so many stories where I od and sold myself and cancelled all that cared, but for some crazy reason I want that H, smack, p dope, I want to feel that hit so bad it is hurting. I have come sooo far in the past 2 years, I have a corporate position making great money, I have 2 sons, finally a great man in my life and so much to lose, but I feel it coming, I just hope I'm one of the 2% that makes it..... Hopefully if I keep reading on it will help me stay clean..Thank You for sharing your story..
Kristi <Kall1991@aol.com>
East Haven, CT USA - Thursday, November 21, 2002 at 10:02:48 (HST)
i just got out of rehab, with in a hour of me being home my mother sat me down to watch a recording of a heroin alert at my sisters school, in which you spoke. i was touched be your story, so much i looked it up on my computer. i just want to bring up on topic. now that i'll out for the most part all the physically pain is gone. but since i got out i have had the worst headace, back pains, anxiety attacks, depressing, lonelyness, i feel like i'm going crazy in my head. it's not easy after rehad, i never could of guessed. god bless and good luck....users you'll need it, i do
ashley
berwick , pa USA - Thursday, November 21, 2002 at 09:06:16 (HST)
I just needed to take a moment and thank you for sharing your daughter's story - her disease. I have that same disease and I'm 30 days sober today {11-20-02}. I'm scared - scared shitless. I feel really good - just for today anyway. You know they only give us heroin addicts a 2% chance of staying clean. That's not many of us. Reading your daughter's story just helped me remeber how sick you get. I too wrote a journel when I was on dope and then the next day when I was dope sick. I'm glad I did because when I just read it - your daughter's story was the same as mine! I don't want to be sick anymore so I thank you again for sharing your story because it's yours along with hers. I'm sure by you sharing - you're helping up that 2% just a little bit and every little bit helps. I'm so sorry for your loss for I am someones daughter too and I couldn't imagine what my mother would go through. God bless you and he will keep your daughter safe now - free from her disease.
Rosie LeCompte
Villas, NJ USA - Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 20:56:22 (HST)
I am SO sorry about your loss.I am doing a project on heroin and when I went to a search engine it gave me this site and it made me cry!Erin seemed like a bright girl and now she is in heaven with all the angels
Emily <emsy17@hotmail.com>
PA USA - Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 12:07:50 (HST)
Dear Marie, I, too, just recently lost my son to a combined drug overdose, plus there were also mental health issues, or at least that is what they say. I cannot think of anything worse in this world that a mom or a family could have to go through. I will pray for you everyday and I commend you on what you have done. It's just too bad that there are not enough people out there who have the courage that you have! They say that people who live with this are in denial, I think that society is. Drug addiction is a terrible disease and the dual diagnosis that supposedly goes with it is even worse. I wish that all of this would just stop, but people that care are the only ones who can make a difference. We just have to keep on fighting for what we feel is right. Thanks, Linda P.S.If you ever feel like talking that would be wonderful!
Linda Stock <sooty@attbi.com>
Pittsburgh, Pa USA - Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 07:49:24 (HST)
Dear Marie, Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. I have just lost my adopted son to the ravishes of heroin. My heart is so heavy and my only wish is that somehow I could have made his life more painless and beautiful. Reading about Erin and all the others have made me realize that this hideous drug is truly the Devil. My prayers are with you and your family and also with Erin. Remembering the wonderful, kind, gentle people that were Erin and David and hundreds more like them only makes me want to go after the scumbags that introduced them to this terrible drug and make their lives the living hell that our dear ones had to endure. Please be at peace yourself that you did not abandone Erin and that you loved her more than life itself. My sympathy to you, Rayona
Rayona <Rayona@cox.net>
South Windsor, CT USA - Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 03:10:20 (HST)
im doing an assignment on heroin and after reading this story i fell so bad. instead of so many people reading and feeling sorry we should all help out and actually try to change something rest in peace erin
lucy <greatchic@opyusnet.com>
melbourne, qsl aus - Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 20:15:10 (HST)
God bless you and your family. So many lives have been cut short by drugs. I have been clean 12 years and decided 9 years ago to deticate my life to helping addicts find recovery. It is sometimes a painful job, but when someone gets the message and pulls their life together and I see them later on with their children.....or just living a decent life, it's brings joy to my heart and at that time I remember why I became an Addiction Therapist. My heart goes out to you and those that will come to this site due to there loss.
Tony <growing_spiritually@yahoo.com>
Hayward, CA USA - Monday, November 18, 2002 at 15:34:13 (HST)
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I APPRECIATED THAT YOU CAME TO WILMINGTON COLLEGE TO SPEAK ON SATURDAY 11/16/02. WHEN I CAME TO WORK TODAY I HAD TO TELL THE CLIENTS (SUBSTANCE ABUSE CLIENTS)ABOUT YOUR TRAGIC LOSS. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND MY GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
DEMETRIA GLASS <DG19713@AOL.COM>
NEWARK, DE USA - Monday, November 18, 2002 at 07:37:17 (HST)
I HAVE BEEN AN ADDICT FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW AND I REALLY WANT TO GET OF IT BUT I JUST CANT MY BOY MADE ME GET IN TO IT WHENEVER I DIDNT WANT TO.
LEIGH
USA - Monday, November 18, 2002 at 01:11:47 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
Metairie, La. USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:57:20 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
Metairie, La. USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:57:19 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
Metairie, La. USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:57:03 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:56:22 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:56:12 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:56:10 (HST)
THE STROY has brought a seriuos exposure to me personally of my own struggles . I agree with Erin that when you become a drug user you are dancing with the devil. Furthermore, the addicts immediate family can not distant itself communication wise from the addict because this will inherit the addict to more lonliness and will enhance the addiction. I'm very sorry that Erin did not win her addiction but as an addict we do not overcome our addiction but do try with the help of god (jesus) keep the addiction in check.The only way to do that is to have total faith in JEsus.
ZACK FROM Louisiana <MKs>
USA - Sunday, November 17, 2002 at 19:56:05 (HST)
Dear marie, Beautiful website. I feel your pain not through a mother's eyes but as the daughter of a woman who died from aids, which she got through sharing dirty needles to shoot heroin. (How ironic that you and I share the same first name) Thank you for sharing your pain and Erin's struggle with heroin with the entire world. The more people who see your website the more they will be aware of what a deadly drug heroin is and maybe we can stop this epidemic of people dying through websites like yours. Thank you for sharing your struggle with the rest of the world. Much love, Marie
Marie <aleutian_chain@hotmail.com>
St Louis, MO USA - Saturday, November 16, 2002 at 16:05:57 (HST)
I can relate so much to what everyone has written. My deepest thoughtas are with Erins family. One hope is that she is in a better place now where she does not hurt no longer. It is hard for us who still have to face life watching other individuals and loved ones kill themsevles slowly. I myself am going through a tuff one. My ex-husband has been an addict now for 5 years. Which the first 3 years I did not know. He hid it so well but, it was bound to come out. We have been through detox programs, the biggest mistake methodone, Now 11/02 he is currently enrolled in a Rehab facility for the 1st time. I pray to GOD he get out of this one. I fear I will get a call telling me he is dead if he keeps up with it. We have a child togther she is 12. She thinks she is evil for hating her father. I am currently trying to get help for my daughter some type of counseling eventually I think I need some too. Erin's parents once again I feel so sorry for what you have gone through and what you must feel till this day But, one hope is that she is not in pain no longer. And Thank You for dedicating this site to her and other to tell their stories.
Lita <unaflor13@Yahoo.com>
New York, NY USA - Thursday, November 14, 2002 at 09:05:18 (HST)
I had tears in my eyes reading about Erin. How do you cope? I have a 22year old daughter who has been on heroin for 5 years. She's been arrested a few times. Been on probation, and now will be leaving us to go to jail. I don't know how to get through this. I cry all the time, because I love her so much. I feel like I myself am entering prison. It hurts so much. Everyday living with her is horrible. I see a car come down my road at night and think if she's not home that it may be the police coming to tell me that she OD'd. Her name is Lauren. I just don't know where this all ends? And how, is the question. If anyone feels like praying, that would help maybe. And if anyone has any answers, that would help too! I will pray for you for your strength to get through with your heart ache. Love, Gina
Gina Hamel <Olivianik@msn.com>
Ct. USA - Wednesday, November 13, 2002 at 23:12:32 (HST)
I would like to say that your story and the program that the Police Department of Deleware told us was truley touching because I have been through similiar situations but had good friends to help me out and my Unlce went through such when he went away I remember finding the last of his coke in an ashtray, I just thought you would like to know that only did you touch my but a guy I know was opposed to having the assembly and quickly changed his mind shortly after talking to him after the assembly.. Thank you and ym condolences go out to your family I am very sorry for your loss
Jolene Wojciechowicz <Jewels3340@aol.com>
USA - Tuesday, November 12, 2002 at 16:29:36 (HST)
THIS MONTH HAS BEEN REALLY ROUGH FOR ME FOR SOME REASON.MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN REALLY NOTICING HER FATHER NOT BEING AROUND.I TOOK HER TO SEE HIM AT YARDVILLE STATE PRISON WHICH SHE CALLS A CASTLE..I'M GLAD SHE LOOKS AT IT LIKE THAT.AT LEAST IT ISN'T SCARY FOR HER.HIS BIRTHDAY JUST PAST 2 WEEKS AGO HE TURNED 23(THANK GOD).I'M SO HAPPY HE GOT ANOTHER CHANCE TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY.HIS RELEASE DATE IS 7/26/2006.HE LOOKS HEALTHY AGAIN.I JUST PRAY EVERY DAY THAT WHEN HE IS RELEASED HE HAS THE SAME ATTITUDE ABOUT HEROIN HE DOES NOW.HE HAS BEEN CLEAN FOR 8 MONTHS THAT IS THE LONGEST HE HAS BEEN SOBER IN 7 YEARS.I MISS HIM TERRIBLY,BUT AT LEAST I CAN STILL VISIT HIM.AND I HATE TO SAY THIS I DON'T SEE IT IN HIM TO EVER STAY AWAY FROM HEROIN.IT'S HIS TRUE LOVE!!!!!IT'S ALL OF THERE TRUE LOVES,BUT YET THEY HATE IT AT THE SAME TIME.I PRAY HE WILL CONTINUE TO STAY STRONG WHEN HE IS RELEASED SO MY DAUGHTER CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER.AGAIN I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND YOUR ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS AND SO R ALL THE OTHER SUFFERING ADDICTS AND THERE FAMILIES.
kara <kara4321@aol.com>
beachwood, nj USA - Monday, November 11, 2002 at 16:30:43 (HST)
I WAS VERY SADDENED READING ERINS STORY AND IT REALLY HIT HOME. I STARTED USING HEROIN ABOUT A YEAR AGO AFTER BATTLING PROBLEMS WITH ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS. LIKE MANY OTHERS I TRIED HEROIN OUT OF CURIOSITY WITH FRIENDS WHO WERE ALREADY ADDICTS. I STARTED USING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL TO BLOCK OUT OTHER PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE THEN MOVED ON TO HEROIN. TO START WITH I WAS ONLY USING NOW AND AGAIN SMOKING GEAR WITH FRIENDS AFTER A FEW SESSIONS SMOKING HEROIN I WAS SOON USING NEEDLES. ALOUGH I WAS OFFERED THAT FIRST "JAG" BY A FRIEND WHO WAS ALREADY AN ADDICT I,VE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF I WAS JUST IN A PERIOD OF MY LIFE I WAS SO DOWN SOMEDAYS I WAS SUCIDAL-BUT THE DRUG WHICH STARTED MAKING ME FEEL BETTER,WARM AND HAPPY INSIDE SOON STARTED CAUSING EVEN MORE PROBLEMS THAN I EVER IMAGINED. MY FRIEND WHIO GAVE ME THE FIRST "JAG" WARNED ME NEVER TO SHOOT UP ON MY OWN AND LEARN TO DO IT MYSELF_BUT SOON I DID AND CARRIED ON DOING IT!! BEFORE THERE WAS A FEW OF ALL GOING SCORING TOGETHER AND ALL CHIPPING IN TO BUY "GEAR" SOON ALL I WAS INTERETED IN WAS SCORING FOR MYSELF AND MY OWN HIT-IT REALLY FRIGHTENED ME HOW QUICK THIS HAPPENED ANOTHER THING THAT REALLY SCARED ME WAS HOW QUICK MY TOLLERANCE WENT UP, IT FELT LIKE ONE DAY ALL I NEEDED WAS 1/3 OF A BAG TO GET A HIT AND THE NEXT DAY I NEEDED AT LEAST A BAG TO MYSELF. 3 MONTHS AGO I MOVED TO SOUTH WEST ENGLAND(U.K) TO STAY WITH FAMILY SO THEY COULD HELP ME TRY AND GET OF THE DRUGS. I KNEW THAT THERE IS A DRUGS SCENE EVERY WHERE YOU GO IN BRITAIN AND THAT HEROIN IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM SO IT WAS GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF DETERMINATION,WILL POWER AND LOTS OF SUPPORT. FOR THE FIRST TWO MONTHS I WAS DOWN HERE I DIDN,T DO VERY WELL BUT 4 WEKS AGO I STARTED ON A METHADONE PROGRAMME AND A SET OF INTENSE COUNSELLING. IN THE LAST 4 WEEKS I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT BETTER, I STILL HAVE USED NOW AND AGAIN ON REALLY BAD DAYS BUT I AM LEARNING TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS RATHER THAN HIDE BEHIND HEROIN I,VE STARTED TO REALISE THAT MY PROBLEMS WILL STILL BE THERE AND NEED DELT WITH. IF I COULD GET ANY MESSAGE ACROSS TO ANYONE THINKING OF TRYING HEROIN FOR WHATEVER REASON OR IS JUST STARTING TO DABBLE IT WOULD BE THAT TRYING HEROIN IS VERY VERY RARELY A ONE OF YOU MAY JUST WANT TO TRY IT ONCE OUT OF COURIOSITY JUST TO "SEE WAT ITS LIKE" DON,T BECAUSE WHEN ANYBODY SAIS HEROIN IS THE MOST AMAZING HIT THERE RIGHT SO TRUST SOMEONE WHOS BEEN THERE THERE,S ALWAYS ALWAYS A 2ND,3RD,4TH TIME AND THIS WILL LEAD ON TO EVERY DAY IN A SCARELY QUICK TIME MANY PEOPLE SAY OH I CAN TRY IT FOR A ONE OF I WON,T GET HOOKED BUT TO BE BLUNT THIS IS A STUPID IGNORANT ATTITUDE TO HAVE IT ALWAYS START OF AS NOW AND AGAIN BUT CAN SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL IN A MATTER OF WEEKS TAKE IT FOM SOMEONE WHO SAW THIS FIRST HAND. IF YOU,RE ARE ONLY JUST STARTING USING PLEASE STOP NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATE IF NOT YOU,LL BE IN MY SITUATION SOON THIS IS UNFORTUNEATELY NOT SCARE TACTICS WHAT IT IS IS TRUTH YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN BE SO LUCKY. MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH ERINS FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF THE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF OTHER HEROIN ADDICTS WHO DIE EACH YEAR OF OVERDOSES OR RLATED ILLNESS LIKE AIDS OR HEPATITIS. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS 29 YEARS OLD AND ONLY HAS ONLY AROUND 2 OR 3 YEARS TO LIVE BECAUSE OF HEP C AS A GENERAL RULE HE NEVER SHARED NEEDLES BUT WAS ONCE SO DESPERATE FOR A HIT HE HAD TO SHARE. DON,T LET ERINS LIFE BE IN VAIN IF HER DEATH CAN STOP OTHERS FROM TAKING THAT ROAD IN LIFE THEN IT WON,T BE IN VAIN.
RACHEL WALLACE <Lighter_thief@hotmail.com>
EAST LOTHIAN, SCOTLAND - Monday, November 11, 2002 at 01:58:47 (HST)
Some one very close to me is addicted to drugs. my own cousin who feels like my sister. she is the only one close to me who understand me. Life without her would not be possible. I was at the assembly on 11/7/02 at Hodgson Vocational School. I sat in the front row where the interperator was while you told the story of your daughter. I have heard the story from you twice so far. The more I hear about it the more resistance i build up to drugs. I am drug free I have never used drugs before in my life. I was wondering if you can find more info on cociane and heroin for me so I can help my cousin. she is 18. You are right, Erins perpose in life is to help others and she still is. Now she is hepling kids see the light. Now she is helping me. THank you and Erin will be remembered forever. she is the candle that lights the world. my condolence to your family. GOd Bless You
LIndsay <spydog1798@aol.com>
new castle, del USA - Thursday, November 07, 2002 at 08:58:26 (HST)
I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your beautiful daughter. You came to my school in hopes that the amount of heroin addicts will change. Personally I don't think that number will ever change. People only believe what they want and not what they should. Erin's story touched me in a way I will never forget. I talked about her for the rest of the day and am still talking about her. I am afraid of the amount of people who are using heroin and I am glad you told your daughter's story for everyone to hear. I hope the amount of heroin users will drop because of the story and the facts the New Castle Police have told. Desirae Smith GNA High School
Desirae Smith <sambouca46250789@aol.com>
West Nanticoke, PA USA - Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 15:58:02 (HST)
I am very sorry to hear about your loss...you came to our school on tuesday November 5th, 2002 you made an impact on our school. I think by you coming to our school and telling us about Erin it may have changed many people's thoughts on heroin! You really made a difference and i'm sure that everyone appreciates it
Shannon Larby <Jannae4628@netscape.net>
nanticoke, PA USA - Wednesday, November 06, 2002 at 07:48:45 (HST)
I came across your site looking for a treatment clinic to put my daughter in. I am so sorry about your beautiful Erin. I don't want this to be our story and I'm so afraid. My daughter's name is Sarah and she has been the joy of my life. She is in jail at the moment and I feel she is there because God has her in his care. He's not ready to give up on her just yet. Sarah, of course is completely ready to change but I'm afraid that it wont last. Can it really be so, that treatment doesn't work for herion addiction? I can't give up. Sarah has had a great life with loads of love. She has a large family that loves her dearly. She's talented and smart. She got mixed up with a boy who has had many prblems in his life and she thought she could fix him. He ended up dragging her down into the dirt. She still loves this boy, who introduced her to his addiction and made it their addiction. She too, said she was hooked after the first time. She hadn't had a drug problem up until then. She dabbled with so called recreational drugs at parties and such, but she said she knew when to stop and didn't have a problem until the herion. She has been an addict for about six months, she is nineteen. I am so afraid. Is there any place out there that can help her. I can see her name and face when I read Erin's story.
Adrienne <LetURsoulsyhn@aol.com>
Eagle Rock, VA USA - Tuesday, November 05, 2002 at 11:26:55 (HST)
I'm just done writting the story in french for my daughter, i will put it on her pillow with the hope that she reads it all and that she realized she needs some help, i think she did not do any heroin yet and i still have the hope i will get to her before she even get her hands on that drug... To Erin's mother my heart goes out to you and to your family.
chantal <snoshu@sympatico.ca>
canada - Monday, November 04, 2002 at 06:35:26 (HST)
I just completed 138 days at The Recovery Center of Delaware, which treats the disease of addiction/ which affects the body, mind and soul. I highly recommend RCD to anyone who is sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is hope and there is help, if you want it bad enough. Just call them....no insurance required. I hope this helps someone. They saved my life,,,,literally.
Sandra B. <sandi661@hotmail.com>
new castle, de USA -
I am so sorry for your loss. Heroin is truliy evil. I live in a town that heroin is slowly taking over, I have lost friends through overdoses and others to the drug itself. Thankyou for sharing your story with me and others.
MICHELLE
CO.ANTRIM, IRELAND -
hello. i like heroin too!!!!! i am 99 years old and the secret to a good life is 2kilos a day 4 life
bin L <old_woman@btopenworld.com>
Helsinki, lk Afghanistan -
I am so sorry for your loss, I feel that I am waiting for that to happen with my son. He is 24 and in a wheelchair,(car crash), he cant run away, but still manages to get hold of the dirty stuff. i m so sorry. kim martin (England)
kim martin <kimbo2kuk@yahoo.com>
England -
I got Erin story from my daughter social worker today for me to read and to understand what drugs can do my daughter is also 15 years of age and already addicted to drugs we are working our head of to get her in a rehab center without her consent because she doesn't see her problems and the pain she is causing me (mother), i can relate to Erin's story, i hope i can get my daughter to understand what she is doing to herself right now, and for later if there is any later, my heart is breaking when she runs away from home for 3 to 4 days every weekends, i wish i could just tie her to her bed just to protect her from that drugs and alcohol she is using, i am taking the time to write Erin's story in french because i want my daughter to read it and she is no good in english but she needs to read it, after i am done i will put the story on her pillow and just hope she sees what she is doing to herself...Erin from your paradise you are helping others...To her mom, people like you deserve to be thanks to share her story because i feel and know the pain you once knew...
chantal <chantalgiroux32@hotmail.com>
hawkesbury, Canada -
My son is also addicted to heroin. My family has gone through many heartaches because of this drug. We have been struggling with this for many years now and he is only 19 yrs. old. I am afraid that many parents do not realize how widespread this is. Thankyou for sharing your story.
Diane <diane5054@attbi.com>
Lombard, IL USA -
hi my name is lillian i have never done any type drug but i hear about stories such as erin's everyday, to all the young and old people doing drugs please stop the madness, there are better things in life than drugs, life is tough enough to have drugs complicating your life. i know it's easy for me to say but seek help because i know it must be hard to kick, i smoked cigarettes for 20 something years and quit cold turkey, i have been nicotine free for 25 months that 2 years and one day. i lost my son when he was 18 yrs old this happen back in 2000 and i thought i would start smoking again but i didn't i just take it one day at a time. i have heard that quitting smoking is harder than kicking almost any drug. so to all the users STOP THE MADNESS AND GET GOD IN YOUR LIVES TRUST ME PRAYER HELPS
lillian
augusta, ga USA -
Oh Good!Stupid family!!!Heroin and Metadon is the best way for Peoples was this world hates!!!!
Marc <Marc4469mueller@web.de>
Germany -
sosciety makes its determinations about addicts befor we even know what were about. Ive thought of Erins story many times over the years since first seeing it.She may be gone but never forgotten. and I thank you marie for sharing Erins story with so many.Erin had a true gift in haveing a mom to come too in her time of need, so many people {kids,and adults dont.}I believe in part its because of the way society labels addicts.And judgement isnt safe recovery ground. I myself am 4 years clean.{3 years detoxed from methadone.}I do know the vicious cycle.however hope and insperation are a bright light in a sometimes dark void place within ourselves.your daughter is free and I know she has helped me and others on a journey . god bless you .and god bless active addicts you can become whole w/out opiates.love too all. lee
lisa yankee <Lisayankee@aol.com>
gresham, or USA -
I'm very sorry to hear this story and sorry that you lost your daughter. I'm greatful for accidently bumping into this website and hearing the story of your daughter. It's good to know that your daughter was not the only one who feels like this. I too am a heroin addict. My life has been changed drastically because of this addiction but sometimes I like to think it has done something for me. I'm also from the east coast -- New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania area. I got so caught up in the dope seen there that I had to finally move because I was destroying my life and all of my relationships with loved ones. I started using in 96 and by 2000 I was head over heels. It started out as a good thing and then just turned on me. This dope business has three of my friends in jail and has driven some of my friends into desperate situations as was your daughter in Philly. I finally had enough of sitting in my room everynight getting high and worrying about how I was gonna get high tomorrow and moved out to Bozeman, Montana with another recovering dope addict a year and a half ago. Life is a lot better out here. I recommend it for all you dope fiends who are running out of options. It's a different life style out here. The closest place to get any junk is Denver, Seattle, or Salt Lake. All of these places are 10 or more hours away so it kinda keeps you contained. Yes I have been out to Seattle a few times to score, but life isn't as hectic anymore. I feel for all you suicidal desperate hopeless feeling dope sick souls out there. I haven't found the answer but I really hope too.
Erik K <lifelessdead121@yahoo.com>
Bozeman, MT USA -
Erins story broke my heart, so much so i found it difficult to keep on reading so much pain caused by a little bit powder sadly it goes on & on it never stops. I have lost so many friends to herion & other drugs, i wish, i pray it would all stop but in my heart i know that it never will, so many times i have heard my friends saying it will never happen to me but in reality it happens every day.I went to a website that has all my school friends on it 75 percent of them will never registar not because they don't have a pc but because they are all dead due to drugs or drug related.So much pain & hurt caused by drugs & no one learns & no one is immune to the temptation of taking drugs...no one & day by day they are dying younger & younger, they are dying before they have even started living.
Richard o'connor McMenemy <rm010a5866@blueyonder.co.uk>
Scotland, U.K -
Erins story broke my heart, so much so i found it difficult to keep on reading so much pain caused by a little bit powder sadly it goes on & on it never stops. I have lost so many friends to herion & other drugs, i wish, i pray it would all stop but in my heart i know that it never will, so many times i have heard my friends saying it will never happen to me but in reality it happens every day.I went to a website that has all my school friends on it 75 percent of them will never registar not because they don't have a pc but because they are all dead due to drugs or drug related.So much pain & hurt caused by drugs & no one learns & no one is immune to the temptation of taking drugs...no one & day by day they are dying younger & younger, they are dying before they have even started living.
Richard o'connor McMenemy <rm010a5866@blueyonder.co.uk>
Scotland, U.K -
Sorry my email address in my post below was typed incorrectly. This is the correctone
Carol <Depsprings@aol.com>
J USA - Friday, October 18, 2002 at 08:37:29 (EDT)
It'sbeen 4 1/2 months since my 20 yr old son died from a heroin overdose. We found him on the bedroom floor. It doesn't get easier for this family. Reality is starting to set in that he is really gone. A young man of 20, who left nothing behind but a broken, torn family who love and miss him so much. He was clean for 2 1/2 months. It presented itself to him and I guess that same old thought came to him, "just one more time." Please remember all of you that are struggling with these demons, that one more time can be your last, as it was my sons. May God Bless You ALL in your struggle for Freedom
Carol <Dpsprings@aol.com>
NJ USA - Friday, October 18, 2002 at 08:35:38 (EDT)
Erin's story moved me, she was obviously a very bright and intelligent girl. I have been clean now for 12 months and am now studying for a degree, but there is not a day goes by when I don't think about it. God bless you and your family.
Andrew Marshall-Muff <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, Britain - Friday, October 18, 2002 at 06:56:59 (EDT)
ive been a herion addict for 15 years no and a crack addict for 10 years ive lost my home everything im 34 no no vains left any way at this moment friday the 18 oct 2002 im doin a detox im clucking my ass off ? im staying with my folks after years of being alone there helping me my life the last 15 years was hard get up rob steal watever to get my gear ? but no i dont want it anymore no life just misery its hard no all i want no is a bit of gear to take the dairy of wat can i do but just take the pain it gets better im sure as i no from doin cold turky in prison but ive allways gone bnack to the shit it aint getting clean its sataying clean ? so please anyone whos young its shit listen to someone who nows stastistics show men my age long term users ave no chance im gonna prove em wrong and in future help those ones who need it like i do ?
john baker <johnbaker134@msn.com>
london, USA - Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 21:45:44 (EDT)
Very sorry to hear about your loss. I have feared of this for my friends who need intervention.
matt <matt@familyfirstaid.org>
mesquite, nv USA - Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 12:39:48 (EDT)


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