Heroin Alert - Erin Allen's Condolence Register

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Hi today is 9/23/2003 . Today Marie Allen attended my school to tell the story of Erin.Her story was the most touching thing i have ever heard in my life . I hope anyone that gets the chance to listen to the story of Erin REALLY listens because no parent should be put through what she went through. She is a very brave woman to go up infront of a group of kids and talk about such a sensative subject but maybe just maybe she got the point across and it might save a few lives. And Marie if by some chance you get to read this thank you for sharing your daughters story with us .
Tina <Crazyblonde691@aol.com>
Plains, Pa USA - Tuesday, September 23, 2003 at 15:59:12 (HST)

I was once also a herion addict. and now I am once again one. I know everyday that I use i am fucking up my life by my own choice. I read things like this and know that that is and was me, and that i can put a end to it all if i chose to. i know all the rehab talk and the n/a phrases. but i ignore it cause of the feeling of peace i get from that blast. i make excuses for my using and i hide it from the world. i dont want to end up like this...but i fight with myself everyday use or not use. life sucks and i know herion doesnt fix anything, but i still choose to do the shit...someday i will either get clean again or someday i know i will die
April <april18@hotmail.com>
Lewistown, PA USA - Tuesday, September 23, 2003 at 09:06:23 (HST)

firstly, my thoughts and prays go out to erin family. I have been on herion for about 4 years and have been clean for about 1 year. I will not write alot but I know this poem was given to my Mum when I was going through detox and it still brings tears to my eyes everytime i read it so here i am going to share it with you. HE'S ONLY WORSE Lend us a tenner Mum I'll pay you back Running Nose, Pale Face, Thin Can this Zombie really be him, Oh God!Help me deal with this man This theif, this liar, this tramp This Herion Addict. That once was my man how did my proudness turn to shame? I curl up at night and cry with vain Shoplifiting,burglary, Dealing smack Anything to get the feeling back Doctors, Dentists, family and friends all long gone "No Offence" Tell him not to take anymore Then kick him out the bloody door Get on woth your life Don't waste more time after all it's him Whose done the crime I hear you all, I know what you say What would you do? What would you say? Come judgment day I've been everywhere there is to go And to be quite honest, Who the hell wants to know? so put him in prison It's what he derserves Then let him out "He's only Worse" Don't help him, just leave him Crime, prison, release "He's only worse" I hope this has made you think thanx CB,Derbys,England
CB <bob@morotnindsvs.fsnet.co.uk>
MIDLANDS, ENGLAND, U.K - Sunday, September 21, 2003 at 10:52:54 (HST)

If you are using drugs, or even contemplating using...please take the time to read Erin's story. It is a source of great strength. It helped me. Please call to our heroin support group on Yahoo if you are ever passing... http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/ God bless Erin. Andy.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, England - Friday, September 19, 2003 at 09:58:19 (HST)

erins story really touched me. at 22 years old, i now have 3 years clean. i was one of the lucky ones. it was through reading her story, along with your message that really brought the reality of what i was putting my mother thru. itoday my mom is my best friend, and your parental perspecftive on addiction helped bring us closer and helped her find the words to explain what i had put her thru. thank you. you are in my prayers.
miranda wilson <jolielvr21@hotmail.com>
riverside, nj USA - Friday, September 19, 2003 at 03:17:06 (HST)

Pax uvescom a latin phrase means peace be on you sorry for your loss Al USN ret.
Alan E Smith <parkal@bellsouth.net>
Key West, Fl USA - Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 16:35:14 (HST)

Jesus Christ, i cant believe the pain involved in this, im a heroin adict since 17 and now 19 1/2, in the past year and half or so ive managed to become homeless, jobless, pathetic, all of the above, my family wont even talk to me, now im jsut waiting for death. Its even harder to comprehend the pain felt by the other side of the victims, when their brother or sister dies at such a young age. Im a hopeful quitter, but it doesnt look good. I hope that some people make it out, just to save the little sister in high school the heartship of hearing that their brother is dead b/c of a heroin overdose.
neddy <cirriusred@hotmail.com>
San Francisco, CA USA - Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 08:55:09 (HST)

it feels good to hear other peoples stories,to know that i am not alone.i have been clean for almost three years,and still think about it from time to time.i started using when i was 16 and got clean at 18.some people may not think thats long ,but it was definatley long enough to expierience the pain and lonelyness that comes along too.in that amount of time i became a hooker at age 17 and also was in and out of the hospital for overdose.i sometimes think others were more lucky than me support wise , because some family's were there for them to want them clean. don't think that i'm feeling sorry for my self, it's just the truth.my moter and i used together,untill i met my husband and went through the aggonizing pain to quit, but she never did.i lost my best friend and mother june,2002and i still cry and wish she was here to see her grandchild and grandson due in dec.. but the two things that have kept me clean is my children and for the reason that i lost my mother over this sick drug.for those of you out there that are still battling or have been clean for such a short time, please find your higher power and get a new addiction like shopping,spending time with kids,clean friends,anything to help you for the moment. treatment may not work,it sure didn't work for me.every treatment i went to i eiter got kicked ou for using or ran away to use.the thing that helped me was not wanting to lose my husband and god also helped me.thats just me. if anyone needs help or wanna talk email me. i hope this can help someone.
trista <roughrider1483@aol.com>
mobile, al USA - Wednesday, September 17, 2003 at 18:35:15 (HST)

I have been an addict since age 19. I am 25 and clean for a year. This story is very simular to mine. I have lost three friends in the past four years. If anyone needs to talk, email me, I am here to help. skinnyjinny@hotmail.com
Jenny Arbaugh <skinnyjinny@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI USA - Monday, September 15, 2003 at 17:46:19 (HST)

Im sorry to hear about Erin. I know for a lot of people, doing heroin for the first time is the beginning of the end for them. For me, it was the beginning of the begining. I know I only did it one time, but I know how hard it is to turn down again and keep from not doing it. It is possible to quit, but to make it a lot easier, don't start. Dont even start smoking weed because it is a gateway drug, I didn't believe it, but I smoked for maybe 3 months, then I started doing using household inhalants, then cocaine, then using hallucinogens, then percocets and oxycontin until all of that finally lead to heroin. I guess the whole point of this is not start even smoking weed.
Ceb <skippy_boy78@hotmail.com>
greencastle, pa USA - Sunday, September 14, 2003 at 19:07:37 (HST)

My 23 year old sister passed on 09/07/03. I am tearful as I write this. She got her final dose of heroin from Kensington. I am sorry for Erin losing her battle. My sister kept journals since 1 week before going into rehab a little more than a year ago. She celebrated being clean one year in August. I don't know what happened as she didn't write in her journal the past month. I was unaware of what kind of battle she was fighting. Now, that is all I want to know. Her journals explain some but I feel the need to do and know more. Do something... If there is anything I can do, voluntarily, please let me know. I am going to start a book now based on my sister's journals. I will donate it to the center where my sister attended her rehabilitaion. It is the Greenway Halfway house, Henryville in the Poconos. Maybe if Kyndall's story can even help one person... She was an incredible writer... Ohh, so hard this all is...
Nicole DelBuono <geepers89@hotmail.com>
Toms River , NJ USA - Friday, September 12, 2003 at 18:31:08 (HST)

I am a close friend of a heroin addict, I cannot understand the feeling of the true addiction I am not one but I know first hand the pain of loving some one and not knowing when it could happen or what to do or how to help. I fear that one day that I'll have to tell my baby that her dad is gone. He missed out the first 18 months of her life, some time in a rehab after relapsing shortly after our daughter was born fearing fatherhood knowing that he couldn't care for himself yet. I did not understand at first but was at his side for six months until he didn't wanto be togather and got involved with another addict whom he met in a rehab and too being from Philly relaps and soon 7 months past. He is now with me and our daughter. everyday I fear the worst and hope for the best, I can't help blaming myself, thinking that I did something wrong or said something wrong to trigger the impulse on his addiction .I just know that I could never hate him for what he put me through, I raised my daughter alone for most of her young life and still I love him for his courage to see the reality and respect me for the unconditional love that i show him. I feel for everyone impacted by this plague of pain and confusion and loss and hope that all heroin addicts have an awakening before its too late. find your self and be strong. Believe that their is a higher power and it's not just in god. It's in you, It's not going to be easy but it can be done, it has been done and don't give up. Bless everyone be strong and I have to say that i cried so hard during my visit to Erin's page and thank every one who contributed their confessions and experiances.
Marci <elfear76@yahoo.com>
Auburn, NY USA - Friday, September 12, 2003 at 17:16:43 (HST)

I am sorry for your loss. I just lost my brother on 9/5/03 to an intenional overdose of heroin. He fought that fight and lost. I angry with him but i love him very much. He was my whole world. And i will miss him. We will celebrate his new live tomorrow.
Diana M. Calles <Johnslady5@aol.com>
Santa Barbara, Ca USA - Thursday, September 11, 2003 at 12:46:28 (HST)

Never forgotten. God bless. Andy.
Andy M. <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, England - Sunday, September 07, 2003 at 10:48:31 (HST)

I am truely sorry for the loss of Erin. I cannot even explain how it pains me to read this. Although my story is a little different. I'm not an addict. I love someone that is. Nothing scares me more than thinking that one day they too could be gone. I started writing letters to a friend I hadn't seen in a while's ex-husband. See, I had a friend that was addicted to heroin and we had lost touch. I was looking on the internet one day and found her ex-husband was in jail. Trying to find her I wrote him. He wrote me back and ever since then we have been writing back and forth. I am completely connected with him. I haven't even had a chance to know him yet outside of jail and I know I love him. We write each other about our dreams of being together. I believe that at least once in our lives we cross paths with our soul mate and I know I've found mine. I'm afraid of never being able to really know him and as much as I want him out of jail at the same time wishing he would stay in jail because he can't use in there, hopefully. He did some bad things as a result of his addiction and I don't judge him I just want to help him and love him. I know that he loves me but, is that strong enough to keep him from using. 6 months in jail now so 6 months clean. I hear you say it is forever that the cravings never go away. My sweet describes it as the devil he says it takes over your whole life and nothing else matters. I'm afraid for him, for me and for our children. He may go to jail for life and I will never leave his side. I will support him 100% if he gets out and we will work through it all together. I fell in love with a letter that's how beautiful even an addict can be. God Bless You All. I will pray for you and your families and please pray for my sweet, sweet Anthony.
T <ta9199@comcast.net>
FL USA - Sunday, September 07, 2003 at 10:43:36 (HST)

10 days clean today after 3 yrs solid using and just reading these letters gives me hope.
john <con4556@yahoo.com>
new zealand - Friday, September 05, 2003 at 16:30:03 (HST)

I wish i could describe the true feeling of addiction to those how are not addicts I remember the first time i realized I had a problem I though it was all about willpower and all i needed to do was get through the physical withdraws of the drug so I checked myself into a 2 week program I went in on percocets and oxycontin and mad some new friends in rehab that were on heroin and I wanted to see what the differance was I have been an addict for 5 years and have been in and out of jails and rehabs to make a long story short there is no differance they all take you to the same place HELL.... I just got out of rehab once again and if god willing ill be celebrating one year clean on 10/13/03 exactly 1 year of the day my girlfriend past a way of an overdose she also was a heroin addict her death has brough me life because she is the only reson I have stoped using I have surrender to the drugs and im now trying to surrender to the program I have been going to alot of N/A meeting and it has really been helping me the longer I have been sober the better things have been getting they use to tell us in rehabe s.o.b.e.r stans for Son Ofa Bitch Everythings Real.. lol and its so true I never though I could get past the compulsive absession of heroin but over time it to is gone everything they told me in rehab has been true jails institutions and death I wish I would have lisnt from the start this story probly sounds like most others
Anthony <Dust7777@aol.com>
md USA - Tuesday, September 02, 2003 at 23:37:10 (HST)

Hi! I'm a heroin addict and thanks to god I've been clean for about 3 years. I'm working and I graduate in march of 2004 as a medical assistant. i'm so sorry to hear about Erin, I know what she wnt through and how she felt cause I went through it all. The only difference is that I had a son on heroin and because of the drugs my son has had heart surgery, he is 4 years old and does not walk or talk and has been in and out of the hospital since he's been born and that hurt's me so much. I'm gonna have to live with that the rest of my life. I am so sorry for your lost. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, but honestly there is nothing anyone can do. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family. Lots of love, Veronica
Veronica Cruz <verybetty4@aol.com>
waterbury, CT USA - Tuesday, September 02, 2003 at 14:13:18 (HST)

I know a man who knew your daughter well. He was living with me for the past year and a half and i did not know that he was still using heroin and cocaine. I know now that this is refered to as speedballing. It's been, i suppose, about 5 years since your daughter has passed away but, he still cries when he tries to talk about her story although it has not detered him from using. It seems that everyone who knows him knows the story about how he loved your daughter and lost her. I dont know if he will ever be able to get clean. It seems as if he is now maintaining a normal lifestyle to those who do not know the truth but, he is in fact using at least 2x a month. I feel uncomfortable mentioning his name on a public forum but, if you know of anything that i can do to help him now and in hopes that the same thing wont happen to him- please e-mail me with your advice. I am afraid. From what i understand you knew him well through your daughter and was there the day in the coroners office. I feel nervous even writing this post. I do not want to get in over my head with this situation. I am completely clean and do not know much about drugs and addiction. I am sorry for your loss. She sounded like a beautiful girl and many people cared about her.
worried <t-rose@comcast.net>
Annapolis, MD USA - Sunday, August 31, 2003 at 07:23:41 (HST)

I AM A HEROIN ADDICT, JUST NOW ABLE TO ADMIT IT. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR BARELEY A WEEK. I JHAVE USED EVERY DAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR. I HAD THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF LIFE GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWELS ONCE AND NOW I CANT STOP IN FEAR OF FEELING THAT PAIN AGAIN. THAT DRUG IS SO OVER POWERING. I AM SO AFRAID I WILL DIE OF HEROIN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I HAVE TOO MUCH PRIDE TO TELL ANYONE I HAVE A PROBLEMN YET I AM SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I DO. I WISH I COULD GET HELP. I WISH I DIDNT FEEL THAT ERGE IN MY CHEST THAT FEELING THAT MAKES ME WANT IT SO BAD, AND SAY TO MYSELF I WANT IT I DONT CARE WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE. I WISH I WASNT A SMAT PERSON, CAUSE THEN I COULD DO WHAT I WANT ANA IT WOULDNT BOTHER ME, BUT THE REALITY IS I AM SMART AND I DO KNOW BETTER. BUT IN THIS GAME THAT DOESNT MATTER. I HOPE MY MESSAGE OF DESPERATE INCOMPITENCE CAN INSPIRE SOMEONE ELSE TO NEVER TOUCH THIS DEVIL. I KNOW ENLESS I GET HELP HEROIN WILL CLAIM MY POOR PATHETIC 20 YEAR OLD LIFE. I CAN WISH SO MANY THINGS, BUT UNFORTUNATLEY THE ONE THING I WISH THE MOST I CAN NOT CHANGE. ( TOUCHING THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.) IF THIS DEVIL THAT FEELS SO GOOD IS TO CLAIM MY LIFE AND TAKE ME TO ETERNAL PEACE I HOPE ATLEAST I CAN PREVENT ANOTHER LIKE MYSELF TO NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH THE DOPE GAME........ PEACE
leighann b <lilgrl4201@aol.com>
wheeling, il` USA - Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:48:13 (HST)

My oldest son is 23 and also a heroin addict, recovering addict I might add. He spent 2 yrs in prison for retail theft and VOP charges in PA. And let me say that, that was the best thing that had happened to him in his adult life. Since being released March 1, 2003, he has led a productive life for the first time in his adult life. Hes working everyday and has stayed away from the old life style. (people, places and things) He says he will never forget where the drugs took him and will never go back to it. He has turned his life around 360 deg. and I am so very proud of him. He knows that has paid dearly for the addiction that took over his life since the age of 17, but in the same sense he knows he is lucky to be alive today. I pray everyday that the Lord continues to guide him each day, and keep him on the right path. I know it would only take one time for him to fall, and to take him back to where he was. I feel like I have finally got my son back for the first time in 7 yrs, and its a great feeling! He now worries immensely about his 2 teenage brothers. He says the drugs are so available out there around the Newark/Wilmington area and worries they might get sucked up in to it, the way he was. I worry about this too, and just hope the Good Lord, spares them and keeps them on the right path in life also. If you are an addict please get help, my son is an example that you can come back from the life of drugs, and lead a productive and happy life. If you are a parent, or friend of an addict, remember as long as there is life, there is hope, but we must not be a crutch for their addiction. Don't try to keep them from falling, the 2 yrs my son served in prison was well worth him getting his life back. He was one of the lucky ones, I'm very sorry and sad, that Erin and the other young addicts who have lost their life to their addictions, didnt have this chance also. Keep the faith and God Bless...
my3sons
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 06:51:06 (HST)

i have a treatment of hepatitis-b and c.
dr.ashu grover <ashu_grover2002@yahoo.com>
bhopal, madhya pradesh india - Wednesday, August 27, 2003 at 07:29:04 (HST)

I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE AND TODAY I FEEL THE NEED TO SUBMIT ANOTHER ENTRY.MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SIX YEARS WE WERE BOTH IN JAIL IN A PROGRAM. I WAS IN THE VILLAGE AND HE WAS IN NEW HOPE, AFTER WE WERE RELEASED WE BOTH WENT TO THE CREST THIS IS WHERE WE MET. WE STAYED CLEAN FOR THREE YEARS. DURING THIS TIME WE GOT OUR FIRST APT. TOGETHER, FIRST CARS TOGETHER WE HAD ALOT OF FIRSTS TOGETHER. AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR CLOSE TO A YEAR WE GOT PREGNANT. WHEN I WAS ABOUT THREE MONTHS I FOUND OUT THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH OUR BABY. THE DR'S HAD GIVEN US THE OPTION TO GET RID OF THE BABY HOWEVER WE DESIDED TO KEEP HER. SHE HAD A DISEAS CALLED GASTROSCISIS. THIS IS WHEN THE INTESTENS ARE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BODY.THE DR'S SAID THAT AFTER THEY WERE PUT BACK IN SHE WOULD BE FINE AND THAT WE WOULD HAVE HER HOME IN ABOUT A MONTH. THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT THAT WAY. AFTER A MILLION OPERATIONS AND ALOT OF PAIN AND SUFFERING WE HAD TO MAKE THE DESION TO PUT HER THROUGH ANOTHRT ONE OR TO PULL THE PLUG AND LET HER GO. SHE WAS NINE MONTHS OLD AT THIS TIME. WE MADE THE DESION TO LET HER GO. THIS WAS THE HARDEST THING WE EVER HAD TO DO. ONE MONTH AFTER SHE PASSED AWAY WE RELAPSED. THIS WAS THREE YEARS AGO AND WE HAVE BEEN GETTING HIGH EVER SINCE. RIGHT NOW I HAVE FOUR MONTHS CLEAN. HE IS IN RCD AND IS DOING WONDERFUL. WHEN I WENT TO VISIT HIM THIS WEEKEND THEY HAVE A GROUP FOR THE VISITORS FOR AN HOUR AND THIS WEEK THEY HAD HEROIN HURTS COME IN AND SPEAK. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN TO A GROUP WHERE THE PARENTS AND SPOUSES ARE THE ONES SHARING, IT WAS SUCH A DIFFRENT EXP. TO HEAR THE OTHER HALF TELL WHAT THEY HAVE GONE THROUGH. IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT ALL THE PAIN I HAVE PUT MY PARENTS AND KIDS THROUGH. MY SON IS 13 AND HE HAS BEEN RAISED BY MY MOM AND DAD. I HAVE PUT HIM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN. IT KILLS ME BECAUSE HE TRIES SO HARD TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME. HE TELLS ME THAT WHEN I GET MY APT. HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH ME AND BRIAN AND HOW EVERYTHING THAT HE DOES HE ALWAYS ASK ME WHAT I THINK AND IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MY APROVIAL. ONE TIME HE TOLD ME THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DO HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME. MY DAUGHTER MAC IS 3 AND SHE IS ANOTHER ONE THAT LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY AND I KEEP HURTING HER. TODAY I WANTED TO GET HIGH AND I MET THIS GUY WHO WAS IN RCD WITH MY HUSBAND HE WOULD WRITE ME IN JAIL AND TELL ME HOW CLOSE HE HAD GOTTEN WITH THIS GUY, AND OUT OF NOWHERE GOD SENT HIM TO ME AND AS WE STARTED TO TALK THE URGE TO GET HIGH LEFT. I AM TELLING YOU THIS TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT GOD IS WATCHING OUT FOR US AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO SUPPORT US WE JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH. FAITH DOES WORK AND GOD WILL ALWAYS BE IN OUR CORNER.
DANNIE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Monday, August 25, 2003 at 15:19:29 (HST)

I am a heroin addict i got clean 68 days ago and its very hard. Im 18 years old and am going through hell. I want to go back out so bad but i no if i do i will die. I wish that people that are not addicts would understand that we are not doing this to ourselves that this is a disease such as cancer. It can go in remision but can come back full force anytime. All my so called friends are still out there i pray for them everyday to get help. The though of going back out makes me sick but then again i remember what it feels like to get high and i want it so back but i can't i need help from others that are in recovery please write to me THANKS BROOKE
Brooke <cheer_babe35@hotmail.com>
newark, oh USA - Monday, August 25, 2003 at 08:02:16 (HST)

I am very sorry about your loss. I lost someone very special to me about a month ago because of the devil. I say the devil, because just like you, I thought of JP on heroin as being possessed by the devil. That is exactly what I would tell him. JP was my boyfriend of five and a half years, and my best friend forever. He was my everything. Just like your daughter, he too had struggled with alcohol. He attended AA meetings regularly. Just like your daughter he met the devil in AA meetings. Just like your daughter, he was wonderful and perfect in so many ways. The only way I can make sense of this is that God knew that the only way to get him away from the devil was to take him from earth. I miss him terribly. Because of heroin abuse, JP and I will never be able to live out any of the dreams that we once had. We will never be able to get married, have children, go to any of the places we would talk about going or just go to ocean city. We will never be able to go out to dinner again. I will never hear his voice on the telephone. I will never feel his arms around me. IF YOU HAVE A HEROIN ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE....HOLD ON TO THEM AND HUG THEM SO TIGHT AND NEVER LET THEM GO BECAUSE THEY ARE HURTING SO BAD INSIDE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE know that you are fighting the devil when you are fighting heroin addiction. The only way to beat the devil is through love and true understanding. I tried the TOUGH LOVE it did not work and now he is dead. IF YOU ARE AN ADDICT THINK ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND,WIFE, KIDS,MOM, DAD,BROTHER, SISTER, DOG, CAT....WHATEVER AND IMAGINE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE THAT PHONE CALL THAT I GOT AND YOUR LEGS FEELING LIKE THEY WERE RIPPED OUT OF THE SOCKET. IMAGINE YOUR LOVED ONES FALLING TO THE FLOOR SCREAMING BECAUSE THEY MISS YOU THAT MUCH. BECAUSE I PROMISE THEY LOVE YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEART JUST LIKE I LOVE JP. TRUST ME I DID NOT THINK ONE YEAR AGO THAT I WOULD BE GOING TO JP'S FUNERAL. Thank you for this sight. I wish I would have found it to show to JP before he died. Some of you still have this chance Please show this to your loved ones and tell them to imagine a page like this for them because it will happen to them and give them a great big hug and tell them you love them and you want to help. They need to hear it over and over again!
Bianca Schiazzi <bschiazzi@hotmail.com>
Waldorf, MD USA - Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 13:57:24 (HST)

I to can feel your pain. I watched my best friend and lover struggle with a cocaine and heroine addiction for three years. About a week ago he purposely put him self in jail to try to escape his addictions. He decided he would rent a hotel room with cocaine, heroin, needles, and scales in it, and get high until the cops where called to break down the door and get him out. He thought he would get Propostion 36, but he is looking at 6 years. It just gos to show that drugs control your thoughts, and everything else. Maybe this is a blessingh in diguise, but watching someone you love fall into a hell of self destruction has to be one of the hardest things you can go through in life. Nobody can help them but themselves. I just wanted to thank you for your story. I have searched the web for chat rooms for friends and family to talk about loved ones and there drug and alcohol addictions and this is the first genuine one that I have found. There is no explaintion for drug addiction or cure , I guess it can only be found in the person dealing with it.
Sadie Thompson <flecky@sbcglobal.net>
Red Bluff, Ca USA - Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 15:44:01 (HST)

MY BOYFRIEND IS AN ADDICT!!! HE HAS BEEN DOING IT FOR THREE YEARS TOTAL.. HE WAS IN REHAB FOR A WHILE. THEN AFTER REHAB HE WAS CLEAN FOR ONLY 4 OR 5 MONTHS, THEN HE WAS BACK INTO IT.. I HAVE TRIED IT AND STILL DO IT OCCASIONALLY WITH HIM.. HEROIN DESTROYS A PERSON.. IT IS DESTROYING MY BOYFRIEND EVERY CHANCE IT GETS.. IT SEEMS LIKE HE DOES MORE AND MORE EVRY DAY.. I SAID TO HIM LAST NIGHT , "WHAT IF THE NEXT BAG YOU DO IS YOUR LAST ONE" ... HE THEN SAID THAT HES NOT GONNA DIE FROM DOING HEROIN... AND HE TOLD ME HES FINE.. HES NOT FINE.. HE HAS LOST HIS JOB OVER DOING HEROIN. HIS MOTHER WONT SPEAK TO HIM WHILE HE IS USING, AND HIS FATHER SIMPLY DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.. I DO NOT WANT TO HIM DEAD OR IN JAIL... HE HAS ALREADY SERVED TIME IN JAIL ... (A COUPLE DAYS) , AND THAT SCARED HIM SO BAD... I PRAY FOR HIM AND ALL THE OTHER FAMILY AND FRIENDS OUT THERE WHO LOVE HEROIN ADDICTS... GOD IS IN CONTROL .. I ALAWAYS REMIND MYSELF OF THAT... I LOVE HIM AND DO NOT WANT TO LOSE HIM.. I AM SORRY THAT YOU GUYS HAD TO LOSE ERIN TO A HEROIN ADDICTION.. I CANT EVEN IMAGINE LOSING HIM .. HE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.. HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.. WHEN I GET OFF WORK , WE'RE TOGETHER.. EVERY WAKING AND SLEEPING MOMENT WE'RE TOGETHER.. HE IS MY LOVE... PLEASE REMEMBER HIM IN PRAYER.. AS I WILL REMEMBER YOURS, IN PRAYER... I TELL MY BOYFRIEND THIS RIGHT BEFORE WE GO TO BED ... "SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTOUSNESS, AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU"... MAY GOD BLESS ERIN, AND WATCH OVER HER FAMILY..
n.m.s <supernovah13@aol.com>
de USA - Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 07:10:23 (HST)

my brother has been on heroin for 10 years, thats ten years of watching someone slowly waste away.Its often been said that it would have been easier if he had died because then he could be grieved him.At the moment all i feel is hate for the monster that my that heroin has created but then every now and then i see glimpses of the person that my brother used to be which makes me wonder if the quiet,placid,loving,HONEST,person is still there buried deep inside behind the pale drawn face with those dark, lying ,ashamed eyes that bare no resemblence to the person we knew and loved and maybe at one time i even looked up to, or whether this is the last remaining part of him. where is it all going to end??????
fran
leeds, united kingdom - Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 23:44:57 (HST)

I am another heroin addict who has been so moved by this site. Right now, I'm scared. I'm scared becasue I don't if I've reached my bottom, and I don't know if I'm ready to stop using ALL drugs. I keep saying, "I just can't use heroin", but I can still drink with my friends. I have been going to NA meetings and it has been helping me immensely, but i don't want to be living a lie there. I spent 7 days in detox and i don't ever want to be back. I don't ever want to stick another needle in my arm, but am i completely ready to say goodbye to the entire lifestyle. I need advice. I need someone to tell me if they feel or felt the same. I too used to cop dope the same spots where Erin did, I think of her often and my prayers are with her and her family. Thanks.
Talia
NYC, NY USA - Friday, August 15, 2003 at 08:26:14 (HST)

I am so very sorry for your loss! My son also is in Rehab for herion addiction. He has been fighting this demon for about 1 year now. I have also had to play a tough love part with him when he continued to lie to me everyday about his money problems and his drug usage. I finally told him on a Thursday evening that he had to get out but his girlfriend and their two children could stay, that was one of the most hardest things I've ever had to do! About two weeks later he was in jail for dirty yearns and I'll tell you this much I was at ease because I knew this was a chance for him to save his own life! He will do 90 days in rehab and I know as well as him that staying away from the herion is gonna be a fight from hell. They are putting him on methadone for the obsessions that he has for herion, I was wondering what opinions you have on that issue if any. I will pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing Erins story, it helped alot. Karen
Karen <momssoldier@msn.com>
York, pa USA - Thursday, August 14, 2003 at 11:49:00 (HST)

My 27 year old daughter is currently in rehab for herion addiction. I pray continually for her to make it thru and start her life anew. I am so sorry for your loss. I can only begin to imagine the pain of losing your child to a senseless death. Herion is such a demon. Continue your work spreading the news about this awful, horrible drug and the consequences of using it.If you have touched and saved one life then Erins death is not in vain.
Joyce Savelyev <savelyev@cox,net>
Norfolk, va USA - Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 17:52:24 (HST)

may God bless you and your family. keeping you in my prayers.
vallerie <mswesco@aol.com>
USA - Tuesday, August 12, 2003 at 09:37:38 (HST)

Hi,I'm very sorry about your daughter. My cousin is in a rehab for heroin use as is his older brother,the one in rehab has an ex girlfriend whos pregnant and from what I've heard is still shooting up.She's due in a month and I'm scared to death to see what will happen to that baby if she really has been doing heroin while pregnant.She's my best friend but I can't do anything..I've tried everything..yelling,explaining,listening,even getting her ex boyfriend to talk to her but nothing works. I just hope that they'll be alright in the end because I couldn't live without them in my life.
Katy <monkiepunk05@yahoo.com>
PA USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 16:12:10 (HST)

I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT. I HAVE THREE MONTHS CLEAN. RIGHT NOW IT DOSENT SEEM LONG TO ME BECAUSE THE URGE IS STILL VERY VERY VERY STRONG HOWEVER I KNOW THAT IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO REBUILD THE LIFE THAT I HAVE DESTROYED. I HAVE JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM PICC. IT IS ALWAYS EASY TO GET CLEAN IN JAIL IT'S THE STAYING CLEAN THAT I ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. I WAS IN THE CREAST WITH ERIN AND LOVED HER TO DEATH. THE MORNING THAT SHE WENT ON ESCAPE I HAD TALKED TO HER FOR A FEW MINUETS BEFOR SHE LEFT FOR WORK. I REMEMBER WHEN CNSLR. SCOTT TOOK ME AND TWO OTHER PEOPLE UP STAIRS TO TELL US THAT THEY HAD FOUND HER BODY IN A SHOTTING GALLERY IN PHILLY. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE MY HEART HAD BEEN TORN OUT OF MY CHEST. I LOVED HER DEARLY. A FEW YEARS LATER I MET THIS GIRL DEA WHO REMINDED ME OF ERIN. SHE HAD THAT SPECIAL PERSONALITY, SHE ALSO DIED FROM AN OVERDOSE ON VALENTINES DAY. NOW AFTER FOUR YEARS CLEAN AND THEN THREE YEARS OF USING AGAIN I AM FINALLY CLEAN AGAIN. MY DETERMINATION TO STAY CLEAN HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY. I HAVE PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL NOT END UP LIKE THESE TWO WOMEN THAT I LOVED SO DEARLY. IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE WHOLE RECOVERY PROSESS THAN PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IT WILL GET GREATER LATER AND DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!!!! WE ALL DESERVE BETTER THAN TO HAVE OUR LIVES RUN BY DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
DANIELLE
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Saturday, August 09, 2003 at 04:51:51 (HST)

I am writing this b/c I was recently touched by someone very dear to me who struggled through life. A very beautiful 15 year old girl, who was the sweetest, nicest girl anyone could have met. She was with the wrong crowd and from time to time would pop prescription pills. It originally was her mother who got her hooked offer zanax as rewards for "being good" her boyfriend was trying to clean his act up from a heroin addiction replacing it with meth. However, he continued to use while still receiving meth. Once my friend overdosed (intentionally) on oxycontin (which is most popular w/adults and kids alike in West Virginia and SW Virginia). However, she suffered loss of hearing a heartattack and then came out of her coma. I met her in counseling. If there was one I could have picked to save it would have been her. What I would give to bring her back. The pain is overwhelming.. never going away but it washes over me like crashing waves. The point of this is that she ultimately died of a meth. overdose, whether this was intentional or accidental I will never know. But I was wondering if anyone knew of anyone I could reach about lobby governors, senators, whomever about tighter restrictions on prescription drugs. Her death was unneccesary and I DO NOT want it to be in vain. Please contact me if there is anyone you know who I can contact or if YOU would like to start a movement on our own to educate how huge this problem is. This poor girl comes from a family of addicts and she was not the first nor the last to die in her family (her aunt died just 5 days after her of an overdose) and an uncle a few years before. I can't understand why there is not an investigation into this high occurrence w/in family systems. Maybe if the obituaries would state "drug overdose" instead of sudden death or natural causes the goverment officials would start to get the picture. Our children are our future and we are letting them die! Please help me help others. Abudant Thanks and Deepest Sympathy for all of you who have been touches by a loved one overdosing. These deaths are 100% preventable. email me at leidybug@earthlink.net
Lisa <leidybug@earthlink.net>
Dover, DE USA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 17:47:58 (HST)

Just thought anyone reading this site would be interested in knowing what our Mayor is doing. In regards to the Daily News article �Mayor praises alleged drug seller� Wednesday, July 23, 2003 by Chris Brennan I was not completely surprised by Mayor Streets lack of common sense; I am appalled and disgusted that a man serving in the highest position of a major city lacks the discipline shown by most five year olds. Does the Mayor ever think before acting or speaking? His decision to back a known drug dealer shows the lack of judgment the people of this city are sadly becoming all too familiar with. As if it isn't enough to have a Mayor that shows such little moral character, now our Police Commissioner is falling in right behind him. There is no way this known drug dealer can now get an unbiased trial in this city. These men have certainly tried to influence any Judge that will handle his case. I know the Mayor states he was unaware of the upcoming hearing. Maybe he should have discussed this with the Commissioner as I'm sure if he wanted to he could have investigated and found out this information. I guess they felt no need to be accurate. In a perfect world, the Judge would not be concerned with the opinions of the two most powerful men in the city. As we all know, this is not a perfect world. The mayor says Edward "Joe-Joe" Terrell is a success story for Operation Safe-Streets. Perhaps the real success story is the police and their April 22nd raid or his house. Mayor Street is also promising to help him with his "new business". Last I knew, the money in the city belongs to the people that live and pay taxes here. I can't name one person who wants to help "Joe-Joe" with their money. (And believe me, I've asked.) We certainly can ask the mothers and families of children who died from overdoses, with drugs quite possibly bought from "Joe-Joe". If I could speak with these men, I would have to ask why they care so much about this man and yet so little about these children. There are groups of parents that meet monthly to share their loss. I invite the mayor and Commissioner to attend just one meeting and see how eager these families who have lost loved ones to drugs, are to help a drug dealer. The next meeting of "Compassionate Friends" will be Thursday, August 28th at 7:00 pm Trinity Lutheran Church, 2920 Holme Ave. in the Greater Northeast. This man should do every minute in jail that the law allows. Our society deserves no less. Celeste Dale 3699E N. Hereford La. Phila. PA 19114 215-824-3626 CDale1660@aol.com
Celeste
Phila, PA USA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 11:42:15 (HST)

I'm so sorry about Erin. I lost my 22yr old Brandon on March 6th this year. He died of a heroin overdose. Bran had a drug problem for years on and off. He too was in several rehabs and tried so hard to help himself. Heroin was the last thing that I would have thought of as he lost several friends to it. One of his friend overdosed and died in my car after they took it. He was only 17 and Bran was 15. He never did get over the guilt. We also went through the missing jewelry and money..Banks accounts drained often. None of that matters now, only the pain so incredible I don't know how much longer I can go on. He was my heart as I know Erin was yours. I pray to God they are happy now. They suffered so much in such short lives. I have found out that Brandon did call a couple of his friends that night but he was high and they did not want to deal with it again. Please, if anyone is reading this and a friend calls you, please, please answer the phone. You may just save them one more time.
Celeste <Cdale1660@aol.com>
Phila, PA - Wednesday, August 06, 2003 at 11:06:54 (HST)

I would like to send my condolences to Erins' family and freinds. I found this website while searching for referals to help my sister who is pregnant and on heroin. At a very young age she discovered our uncle dead from a herion overdose. My family and I have had a very hard time understanding why she would use it after the death of our uncle. I am going to print Erins article and bring it to her. I just pray to God that it has the same affect on her as it has on me.
Antonia Guajardo <toni_guajardo@yahooo.com>
Lisle, il USA - Tuesday, August 05, 2003 at 08:16:04 (HST)

I don't know how often you check this but I have just gone through something very similar to you. I lost my beautiful son who had just come out of years of battling this only to finally get help, a job he loved, the ability to drive again, and was truly happy for the first time in a long time. He had a week off from counceling and drug testing and decided to go to the same area your daughter went to. He didn't make it back,I am so heart broken I don't know what to do.But I want you to know Erin's story has somehow helped me. I can't explain except that I know how hideous this drug is. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry for mine.Have
Carolyn <Kermil@comcast.net>
USA - Friday, August 01, 2003 at 09:47:16 (HST)

God bless Erin. Andy.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Leeds, Yorkshire England - Wednesday, July 30, 2003 at 05:12:23 (HST)

It tears my heart when everytime I hear of someone who has had the experience with such a life shattering substance. I was 9 years old when my dad passed on from an overdose from herion. I always told myslf i wouldn't follow in his footsteps, but i did (not with heroin) but with the disease of addiction. I am now 1 year clean and I wish i can help everyone but it is so hard. I pray for my fellow addicts everyday and ask my god to help our overactive minds.
Tara <cleanchick@webtv.net>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Monday, July 28, 2003 at 19:14:49 (HST)

I am so very sorry for you loss. My two brothers are herion addicts. My younger brother starting using at the age of 15. After 5yrs of going in and out of rehabs, he finally was able to clean himself up. He is now 3yrs clean and has turned his life around beautifully. My older brother starting using at the age of 18 and is still a mess. He is now 29. He has reached rock bottom, no money, no home, no friends, no job...lives in his car. Today, he finally put himself away. This is the last hope we have...I had prepared myself for the worst. Again, I am sorry for your loss. This drug is the WORST thing that has happened to my life, my family, my brothers. It is unbelieveable what this drug does to anyone who uses it. For everyone else out there who has never tried it.....NEVER EVER TRY IT. IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE....IT WILL MAKE YOU DO UNAMAGINABLE THINGS...IT WILL KILL YOU
Liza <LWheat@optonline.net>
Landing, NJ USA - Friday, July 25, 2003 at 07:24:50 (HST)

I have come to this site many times, and finally today i am ready to write. At 13 or 14 i began drinking with friends and smoking pot. I figured it was a right of passage, and i liked the feeling it gave me. By the time i graduated high school, I smoked almost everyday, and i had tried almost everything in the book except crack and heroin. My boyfriend and i went to the same college in Philly, and from there, addictions were born. Drugs were everywhere, drugs became my life. Finally, I tried heroin and fell in love, despite the vomiting and nausea. My boyfriend became addicted quickly, and isolated even quicker. We tried to stop after a few months but just replaced another drug in its place until we were back shooting dope again. I tried so hard to hide it from everyone. I thought i was a functioning addict, but eventually, that fell apart too. I'll never forget the hunger becasue i spent my last ten dollars on a bag. I'll never forget the day to day struggle of getting my fix. My world was crumbling before my eyes until i was forced to leave Philly and my college. I tried to stay clean when I got back to New York, but I knew I was still in danger. I kept going to see my boyfriend who now lived in Jersey and still using heroin. Every time i went to see him, we used together. Before i knew it i was addicted again. I just got out of detox two weeks ago, and i havent used since, but the fear and craving still burns inside me. For the first time i am attending N.A meetings and the hope and support i feel is overwhelming. However, the pain i have caused my family and friends is just as powerful. I never wanted to be an addict, I just trained myself to run from pain or any type of feeling for that matter. Every addict needs to read this site, I even had my mother read. I too copped at the same places Erin copped at. Addicts are like family and my heart goes out to all of us. Keep pushing on, please dont use if just for today. Thanks for letting me share.
Tye <LML88@Verizon.net>
NYC, NY USA - Wednesday, July 23, 2003 at 08:50:25 (HST)

I am the mom of 4,ages 23 to 5 years. My 2 sons,I belive have drug problems.(They are 19 and 18) I found Erins sight,when I had no where else to look for answers.my heart goes out to you and your tremdouse ,heartfelt pain,. i am so very sorry for your lose, and I thank you, for sharing your very personal pain, so that MAYBE, we may learn from your daughters death,and one person at at atime, concer the demon, that is herion
maggie <puremommy2000@yahoo.com>
riverside, n.j. USA - Monday, July 21, 2003 at 18:27:18 (HST)

Yes...CURED. I cant believe how many people buy into the nonsense they teach at metha-scam clinics. The additction as a "disease" model - is just a THEORY - its not scientific fact. As an addict, I never bought into that nonsense, and I totally blame myself and my weaknessess. Maybe thats why buprenex worked for me - I know that my addiction was my weakness, and not the fault of a "disease". Please - be open minded beyond the lies they tell you in the methadone clinics, and try buprenex. Look - take it for what its worth. I was a daily heroin user for 3 years solid - every single day. Swear to god I dont think I missed more than 3 or 4 days total in three years of use - I always scammed up a way to get it. Buprenex cured me. Before you knock it - try it. IM not telling you this for the hell of it - IM telling you this because it works, and my god - it seems that the traditional method of groups and methadone doesnt have a very good success rate. Maybe if the "disease" model wont let you ever be "cured", perhaps its time to try a new approach - try the personal responsibility and weakness model. Maybe its not a disease afterall - that theory seems to trap people for life, as well as give them an excuse. I was only able to quit for good, once I ditched the disease model and finally placed blame where it belonged - on myself. Once you hate yourself and blame yourself enough for the problem, only then can you really be cured, as I am.
tom <nyhydro50@aol.com>
nyc, ny USA - Sunday, July 20, 2003 at 13:52:57 (HST)

hi,i am in tears from the story of erins addicton.i have a sister with the same problem i can relate with this so much and its awful how it had to end up,right now my sis is in prison because of something that was done in need for drugs.it is a sickness that non users cant relate to.reading this was just what my family have been thru.did u ever feel like things happen to u n nobody else? well i did, n now i can c they dont.i hope others can read this and just pass it on,i also wish people staying clean the best,its hard but i feel it can be done.god bless us:-)
tiffini <tiffaniagreeneyez@yahoo.com>
worcester, ma USA - Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 08:58:45 (HST)

Thank you for coming to the pal it was so loving of you to come uot and spread the word so this dum heroin dosnt roin anybody elses life like it did to you pretty nice babygirl.now that i knw your story i tell peole and they spread the word and maybe it will stop but i pray for you evey night that god will watch over you and your family as you thry to get through this butone day god will talk to you because god speaks to us in so many ways.i love you
Kiyona <rocaweargurl17aol.com>
newcastle , de USA - Saturday, July 19, 2003 at 03:10:06 (HST)

ITS ME AGAIN!!I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANX YOU FOR COMING TO MY CHRUCH FOR THE Y.E.S PROGRAM AND TAUGHT US WHAT DRUGS AND HEROIN CAN DO TO YOU. I AM SO SORRY AOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER ERIN. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY ON THAT KIND OF THINGS AND I PRAYTO GOD BUT I ALSO WHAT TO SAY THAT GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING. ONE MORE THING THAT I WANT TO SAY I WAS TOCH WHEN I WAS READIN ERINS PAGE BECAUSE IF IT WAS ME WILL I WOULD OF BEEN DOING THE PAGE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FINISH IT BECAUSE... I DO'T EVEN KNO. BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!! AND ON TUESDAY WHEN YOU CAME EVERYBODY AT THE Y.E.S PROGRAM WAS TOUCH BY WHAT YOU WAS SAYING.. PEOPLE WAS COMING OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING BEAUSE THAT HURTS PEOPLE TO KNOW TAT A VERY YOUNG CHILD WAS KILLED BY DRUG OR ANYOTHER DRUG OUT THERE... EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW HER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER AND SHE WILL BE IN MY MINE. JUST LIKE I WIL KEEP YOU AND YOUR LOVELY FAMILYIN MY MINE AND IN MY PRAYERS!!! NEED SOMEONE TO CHAT WITH E-MAIL ME OR IM ME WHATEVER YOU WANT T DO... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!
LAURIE <PRETTY1913677321@AOL.COM>
READING, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 18:47:04 (HST)

Dear Mrs. Allen, Thank you so much for you personal testimony. Yesterday you came to our church for our YES program and God truly blessed us with you and the New Castle Organization. My prayers of strength and encouragement are with you. It is not an easy challenge to constantly relive the tradegy that you have experienced, but I thank God thru his grace and mercy that he has kept you all this time. You made a great impact on me and the children, and we are so grateful that you took the time to be with us. I had to go to work and tell everyone about you and the ministry you have in helping others in addiction. Once again thank you for sharing your pain with us, for that you have mad a difference in more than one life, you have made a difference in mine, my husband and our five children. Our prayers are with you!
Michelle Foster <Michellefoster2@aol.com>
Reading, Pa USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 17:16:42 (HST)

I hope that your Daughter(ERIN) is is a better place and she will always be in mines and hopefully everybody eles prayer. I hope that you and your family is alright and doin fine. And I wish you and da family good luck!!! You as a parent is doin da right thin by tellin otha people that was is wrong and be PROUD of what you are doin. Because you are helpin otha people and there family.
Tiny <Pretty1913677321@aol.com>
Reading, PA USA - Wednesday, July 16, 2003 at 15:25:02 (HST)

I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Erin. I have a 28 yr sister who is currently on herion and she most definitely has a death wish. But this death wish involves the whole family, not only herself! My mother is dying a very slow, painful death watching her daughter kill herself. My sister has been in the hospital twice for an infected heart valve and was told that if she continued to do herion she would live for another 2-3 months. Well this has not stopped her at all. The really bad thing about it is that she has my mom riding her around buying and picking up her dope for her because she makes her feel guilty because her father left when she was very young. Any suggestions for both of them. I have tried talking to and fighting with both of them but nothing seems to work. I think this story will also have a tragic ending and I am not looking forward to it. Thanks for your time and you are in our prayers.
Diana <TrojanTrio@aol.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Monday, July 14, 2003 at 05:24:43 (HST)

I have a cousin who died from a heroin overdose a cousin who is on it now and no one wanted to believe it they say there are no tracks no signs of it but I know I saw him he shots up in between his toes (no marks) anyways we've lost friends he lost his fiance and now he has a 3 year old to take care of I am worried for the childs sake he says he has been clean but now I see him doing cocain ectasy and smoking like a feind I know all these drugs eventually will end up leading him to the heroin again I get so worried he has his own business and he doesnt eat for days and goes out in the sun all day my cousin and I are real close and last month my aunt wanted to Baker Act him but he said he was clean and I don't know if I should turn him in or not because he is going to end up dead my Aunt believes anything he says and when he's gone she will know he was not clean he needs help WHAT DO I DO ?
Brandy
USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 08:56:17 (HST)

i want to add a thankyou as well to what i wrote,your story of erin was touching yet chilling, when i saw the name erin i choked.i guess i choked on my own fear that one day that may be me.
erin <manika519@aol.com>
philly, pa USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 08:04:06 (HST)

im so sorry. im an addict and i have a little girl of 5 yrs old, im so lost...i dont have anybody, and the worst thing of it all is that i am waiting for my rig to be brought to me by my heroin addict boyfriend right now and i just cant resist-i dont know what is going to bcome of me...
erin <manika519@yahoo.com>
philly, pa USA - Thursday, July 10, 2003 at 07:58:24 (HST)

I went through that all my life with my dad. He died a year ago because of Heroin. I tried to talk to him but he never listened. Somebody please right back to me because I am so lost right now.
Brittany Moisa <Xx18Cutie18xX@yahoo.com>
Commerce City, CO USA - Tuesday, July 08, 2003 at 07:22:03 (HST)

God bless Erin Allen's family. I remember reading her story in the University of Delaware Review and being touched by her. I almost feel like I lost a friend even though I did not know her. I have the devastation that heroin causes and I hope that in Erin's memory, we will be able to help other young people overcome this.
sammy prado <sammy_wilm@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Monday, July 07, 2003 at 08:51:27 (HST)

Well, I think I know what to say... I'm a 30 year old heroin addict. I'm a semi-accomplished singer/songwriter/musician. I've played guitar for some very famous people throughout the past ten years. I will remain unnamed for the moment due to the fact that I am somewhat in the public eye, especially in my hometown of Cleveland. I was a semi-junkie back in the late nineties and had been clean for 3 years before running into an old drug-buddy and slowly getting back into it until now I have a habit twice as big as I did in the nineties. What seperates me from all of the junkies around me is that I still stay busy working in the music field. I don't have to steal or rob to pay for my drugs. I earn my money. And money is my only real reason for wanting to quit so bad.. It's just too expensive and it's slowly getting to the point that other things are going to suffer because of me spending all my money on heroin. So far, my rent has been paid on time, my lights are still on, my gas is still on, my phone is still on. My car has gas in it. I have cigarettes and food in my refrigerator. But that has also to do with my lifemate. She is also a junkie and she works 5 or 6 days a week. So.. We are both looking out for each other at all times.. Her habit is growing just as mine is.. Dangerously large.. I've never been to rehab and don't even know how to go about it... You see, I've spent the last ten years of my life pretty much on tour.. 10 to 11 months a year I've been touring .. Until this year.. I'm currently taking a break from the music business. A much needed break.. But since I"m home all the time now, I do more drugs.. I passed up two high profile tours because I knew it would be hard for me to cop dope in certain cities.. Noone knows that my girl and I are using.. Not even my closest friends..I came out and told my oldest brother last week. He didn't seem too shocked.. He said that he had thought that we were on something due to the weight loss and due to the fact that we hide out all the time in our place... I just played a show at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I was shooting up in the backstage area and the bathrooms. I've shot up in airplanes traveling across the states to tour. I've shot up in limos driving me to shows. All of which seems real romantic but I want out now... I don't want this life anymore ... I want to quit but I'm afraid.. My girl wants to quit too but she's afraid.. She's lived a very sheltered life before me and has never been addicted to anything before, let alone heroin... I'm afraid I'll kick and she won't make it.. Then what do I do? She says she wants to... What can I do ? Can anybody help me..? a.k.a. J.S.
K.D.F. <rocketrhythm@yahoo.com>
Cleveland, OH USA - Sunday, July 06, 2003 at 19:44:08 (HST)

I'm sorry- I've changed my email address. It's not shannondooper, it's drawgirl. If anyone would like to chat, please email me.
shannon <drawgirl7891@yahoo.com>
Pasadena, MD USA - Saturday, July 05, 2003 at 19:01:43 (HST)

I am sorry to hear about your misfortune. I am too a heroin addict. I was baffled to hear someone write that they were 'cured'. I know that I will never be cured. Once I take the drug out, I'm still an addict- clean and crazy. I have learned that I cannot solve a spiritual sickness with a physical solution. For example, I have used men, food, shopping and everything else to make me feel better. I failed to realize that my higher power is the only thing that will fill this void. This disease, the disease of addiction, is very powerful and drugs are but only a small symptom. I have been in twenty treatment centers, have had six overdoses, many suicide attempts, homelessness, prostitution, and everything else. You would think that all this would make me want to stop- but it didn't. I am twenty three and I feel like I'm fifty. I have learned to have gratitude- all these experiences have taught me about life. I realize that I am an addict so if I decide to use, I cannot blame anyone else- I have a choice. Knowone can make me use, I always have that choice. What I came to realize is that when I have a craving, I ask myself what I'm running from. What feeling do I not want to face? What am I running from? I need to start walking through my problems, not running from them. For so long I thought that I could do this by myself. Well, just because I took the drugs out, doesn't mean I'm well. Even clean, I still think crazy and distorted. I've been using drugs so long that sometimes I can differentiate a truth from a lie. The hard part is asking for help. There is a fear in that- this is a fear based disease. The hard part is going into that meeting and sharing the stuff that I don't want to share. That's recovery. Recovery is digging down deep and talking about the painful shit that I so much do not want to talk about. But, there is a freedom in that. Secrets live in the dark, and die in the light.
shannon <shannondooper@verizon.net>
Pasadena, MD USA - Saturday, July 05, 2003 at 18:18:14 (HST)

hi,I'am sorry for what happened to your daughter I USE ALSO heroin,for 20+ jears,And i'am shure that there will follow even more than 20 j.off using this medicine,that's what it is for me. bij reading this you'll maby think with that person is somthing wrong,yes there is something wrong the trade in drugs will never end ,the war on drugs by the u.s.a is lost but still going on because there are no docters who can prescribe you this medicine in such a way that it is controlebel for everybody ,so that the patient know's what he is getting,and that the buisness arround this drug for a big share controlabel comes,and when it's in the hand's of the governement or country the billion dollar war can be stopped and the money they can use for treadment of people who need help to stop,now it's working the other way arround,more homeless and criminals so they creating their own work indirect,but is this what the people want,i don't think so.if you think that the industrie arround addicts will quit there job's ,police,justice,socialworkers etc. etc. the answer is no. in collonial times a lot of money was coming from opiumtrade ,it didn't change much they still get there money from drugs just in the way they discribe for us,do you see any pos. results? only for the state free workers in prison,for having in possesion sometimes 15 year working for a so called crime,ha ha.it is whit every drug prescribed by doctor you have use and abuse if you use never more than prescribed,then you can reach a resenable age,this is something i want to add on all the condolances,don't see it only from 1 prespective.be realistic. greetings:evert.
evert <evertsmit@msn.com>
zutphen, gld. holland - Thursday, July 03, 2003 at 08:31:53 (HST)

Happy 4th. to all our children who died on heroin. My son was 20. Hunter Cristian Roberts. He died 8 months ago. I remember all the great times with fireworks when the kids were small. We were always on the beach, and every year I got them a big box. Hunter and his brother always loved the smoke bombs, and put up with my favorite, the snakes. So many good memories. It was so easy to keep the kids safe when they were small. No drugs, just camping, amusement parks, movies, fireworks...lots of good memories. If you are watching have a great 4th., Hunter. We all love and miss you. No one will ever stop loving you and your memory will never fade. You will asways be our most perfect son...Kind thoughts to all who have lost children...Holidays are difficult, I know...the memories are so powerful...and to all you heroin addicts out there, we suffer. We parents suffer YEARS of gut wrenching mind numbing pain...we suffer and suffer and suffer...I know how hard it is to quit. I get it. My son tried for 2 years and failed. But just remember, if you cannot do it for yourselves, then try to do it for your family...love to all...A Mom
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
USA - Wednesday, July 02, 2003 at 16:35:32 (HST)

i understand that buprenix can get you over the withdrawal process, but heroin addicts crave the drug for years to come. you can not just go cold turkey. if you think that is true then you are fooling yourself. many addicts aren't just using because they like the drug. something inside makes them feel like they need it. they have pain, or confusion and heroin is their godsend. so please, don't encourage the fact that this drug brupenix is your quick fix. everyone suffering from an addiction needs to seek help and go to counseling. it's the only way to overcome the demons inside you.
ruth <scrdl9@aol.com>
wickenburg, az USA - Sunday, June 29, 2003 at 10:26:02 (HST)

Nobody has to live under the insanity of heroin addiction....not with buprenex anyway. This stuff saved my life - I never heard of it before...when I spoke to the doctor for the first time, I was totally skeptical. Buprenex ? What the hell is that ? I never heard of it, and so it must be a cheap scam. Well, low and behold - it's not cheap, and it's not easy to find a doctor who will prescribe it, and...you can only get it as an injectible as of now - unless you live in europe where it's been used for over a decade....but it turned out to be a miracle drug. I couldn't believe it...I am cured. I dont mean fixed...I mean CURED. This stuff is miraculous - wards off withdrawal just as good as methadone, but no addiction. You just stop after two weeks and boom...no more withdrawal. I havent felt this good, or even this normal in 3 years...this stuff was my last shot at being normal again, and it proved successful. If you are still "living" with the insanity of Heroin addiction....do some research right away and find a doctor who will prescribe buprenex. No stupid programs, no methadone substitution nonsense, no stuid group meetings...just a straight up way to get well on your own. If you live near NYC call Dr. Ellis (76 Washington Place, NY, NY). If you don't - find a doctor who will presribe this stuff immediately - I guarantee you will not be dissapointed. If you are still living the insanity, you have no idea how good it feels to finally kick it off for good. Buprenex...look it up. You do the research.
Tom <nyhydro50@aol.com>
NYC, NY USA - Sunday, June 29, 2003 at 01:40:33 (HST)

I would like to start by sending my deepest condolences to the Allen family. I know first hand the pain heroin addiction can have on a family. I am 21 years old and my father is heroin addict. I was only 5 years old when I first learned of my daddy's drug problem. His using took my mom and two younger brothers on a constant rollercoaster. He'd go 3 monthes clean, have a relapse and be gone for days at a time. My mom finally got the courage to divorce him when I was 11. I was devastaed, but looking back, I understand why. She had had enough. Although she loved him dearly, she needed to move on.When I was 15, my father went to prison because of a robbery he'd commited to support his habit. He was gone for three and half years and was clean all that time. While in jail, he attended bible studies and claimed to have seen the light. While he was gone, my mom noticed this change and still having feelings for him, decided to give their relationship another shot. When he came home everything was great. He was working steadily, coming home at night, and being the husband and father he had never been to us. AFter a year he had a relapse. Because he was on probation, this landed him back in rehab and back to a half way house. Still, his family stuck by him. We visited every Saturday and listened to him apologize and say how this time was different. 6 months later he was living at home with us and has turned back into the same monster he was 10 yearts ago. He has no job, he steals anything he can get his hands on to earn a buck. He disappears for weeks at a time, sometimes without even a phone call. When he comes home, he cries and says how ashamed and guilty he feels. I feel as though my entire life has went full circle. Although my dad constantly lets us down, he's still my daddy and I love him. Just two days ago, he came home after a week long binge, we cried, hugged, and welcomed him back home. He was home for one night and now he's on the run again. As much as I love my dad, I'm sick of living like this. He's put me through so much pain. I don't want to turn my back on him, but I get so angry sometimes that I feel that it would almost be easier. He is killing himself. He's 47 years old and his body can't possibly take much more abuse. I don't understand how a drug can have such power over someone that it would let them throw away everything they had worked so hard to gain back. I'm so devastated that my dad chose to go back down this road of destruction knowing damn well where it would lead him. I know he loves me, but I feel as though I'm not enough. He doesn't care that he's not going to live to watch me graduate from college, walk me down the aisle, or meet his grandkids. I want him to come home, but I also want him to just get out of life because I can't take anymore of the lies and broken promises. I feel so powerless to his disease, If anyone has any advice or encouraging words, they would be appreciated. I'm at my wits end. I don't want my daddy to die.
Ericka <Ericka7885@yahoo.com>
MI USA - Thursday, June 26, 2003 at 11:53:21 (HST)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm a 30 yr. old male from Pittsburgh,PA. I'm an addict also. I've been struggling with heroin addiction for some time now and was touched by the page you had set up in memory of your daughter. I've been clean now for 92 days and it's a struggle to say the least. I trust that she is in heaven as i speak praying for others that are going through what she & you had to endure. One day at a time Jason G
Jason Geeting <jgeetz73@yahoo.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Wednesday, June 25, 2003 at 07:21:47 (HST)

God bless Erin.
Andy <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
UK - Tuesday, June 24, 2003 at 08:16:46 (HST)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR DAUGHTERS STORY TO HELP OTHERS. I AM A DRUG AND ALCOHOL COUNSELOR IN CALIFORNIA AND A RECOVERING IV METHAMPHETAMINE USER. I AM GOING TO SHARE YOUR STORY AND THE PAGE FROM ERIN'S JOURNAL WITH MY CLIENTS, SO THAT THEY MAY HEAR YOUR PAIN AND THINK OF THEIR OWN PARENTS. I WAS VERY TOUCHED BY YOUR STORY AND UNDERSTAND YOUR DAUGHTER'S PAIN WELL, I AM SURE THAT SHE DID NOT PASS IN VAIN, HER EXPERIENCE WILL HELP OTHERS. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. BETH HIRSCH
Beth Hirsch <bethy_baby@attbi.com>
Sacramento, Ca USA - Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 07:46:37 (HST)

i am so sorry for your loss .words cant say enough.i my self am fighting the devil,as is my faimly. as any addict will tell you and as you know they come along for the ride. i am twenty five years old with a beutiful three year old. that does not desere a junkie for a mother.if my own baby girl put me throgh this hell ive put my own faimly throgh i dont know if i could handle .to see your child hurting.my heart goes out to you ,and my own faimly who i would never hurt in the right state of mind god bless you and every adict that is suffering.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:23:55 (HST)

there is nothing to say when you have to deal with such a great loss.when your beutiful daughter is taking from you.i my self am fighting that devil that drug that takes and takes.i myself have a daughter.a beutiful three year old,that does not deserve an adict for a mother.i look at her and could not imagine,her one day putting me through pure hell that ive put my faimly through.i relate to your daughter as im sure every adict does. we do not mean to hurt the ones we love .its just a sick sick devil were fighting .the worst part is our faimlys coming for the ride. i am so sorry for your loss.thank you for letting adicts and faimlys share with you.
heidi keith <cherylekeith@attbi.com>
dennis, ma USA - Tuesday, June 17, 2003 at 08:06:56 (HST)

I am sorry Erin has died. I often wonder in the role that I have taken on as a fostercarer "heroin must be the most wonderful drug in the world" My husband and myself and our children have loved and cared for many children over the years that have come to us as a result of their "heroin addicted parents". Newborn babies born so addicted to smack that they scream, convulse, contort for 23 hours a day or maybe thats 24 hours a day. Have you ever had to give a newborn baby morphine every couple of hours so they dont start withdrawing and die a most painful death. What about the child that was found by the police sitting in a filthy mess of a house full of addicts with a tourniquet wrapped around her neck sucking on a syringe! I have met their parents, cried with them, become angry and despaired with them. I have lined up at hospitals to collect the babies morphine with the other addicts and have been made to feel like a complete loser with people suspecting that I have caused the problem. My husband and I were both lucky to have "normal" (whatever that means these days) happy, wonderful upbringings. We both did leave home at young ages and smoked too much pot and drank to much alcohol. Sometimes I wonder that if I was ever offered heroin in those days would I have given in to temptation in a weak moment. Im not sure, so I try to put myself in the addicts position for a while. But how could you time and time again have this little baby in one hand and heroin in the other and consistantly pick the drug of your choice? Thats why I feel that Heroin must be the best thing in the world because for the rest of us there would be no other choice! Oh and that little 18month old baby girl, she is a wonderful, beautiful, chatty 6 year old girl, who is spending her life living with a family that love her and care for her more than what her own birth mother did. She is very happy with us.
jacky rogers <fostercare.jacky@bigpond.com.au>
eden, nsw australia - Thursday, June 12, 2003 at 15:06:15 (HST)

erins mum im really sorry to hear about ur daughter.im glad i found this site but i just want to let u know that its very hard to stop and ive been to rehab 3 times in 4 months for cocaine and heroin but it didnt work. i know the pain erin was going through and i hope she rests in peace ill pray for her. as for me im 19 and clean for 5 days.i know ill use again but im on detox now. i really need to talk to someone and have alot of questions to ask about heroin. can anyone help.
gege <gege_666@hotmail.com>
london, UK - Wednesday, June 11, 2003 at 02:59:17 (HST)

Erin's story moved me, she was obviously a very bright and intelligent girl.Erins story broke my heart, so much so i found it difficult to keep on reading so much pain caused by a little bit powder sadly it goes on & on it never stops. sorry
siobhan <->
glasgow, scotland - Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 08:15:43 (HST)

If Mr. Brown Jr. would like to post his e-mail address I am sure he would receive some replies that might interest him. Or alternatively he can write to me personally my e-mail address is attached. Jim Moran
Jim Moran <ferryfc10@hotmail.com>
Chester, UK - Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 03:12:15 (HST)

the person i love is in rehab after overdosing on heroin, being in a comma for two months and now being clean for a little over a year. at first i thought, wow, he is gonna make it, he will never go back to drugs. but i am terrified that he will. he loved it, he really did and i don't know what to excpect from him. it's a lifetime battle, am i that strong. oh god, help me.
ruth <scrdl9@aol.com>
wickenburg, az USA - Saturday, June 07, 2003 at 16:25:58 (HST)

My little sister passed on from a heroin overdose almost 2 years ago now. On July 10th it will have been two years. And as you can see, I'm still here. She's not, but I am still here missing her, and wishing it never happened. I don't think she was even on it for two years. But that short time of use for her turned into a lifetime of sadness and regret for everyone around her. For me, and I'm sure also for my other sister who just turned 16 (she was 14 then), and my mom and dad, and my Grammy, etc. It is so sad to me that every time I visit this website there are so many more entries of addicts and freinds of addicts. I wonder if it will ever end. Every once in a while I see her in my dreams. Not every night, but sometimes. And she is always so beautiful, and so normal, just how I remember her. Like she never left. And every time this happens I hope that I never wake up. But, of course, I always do. On the night that I am lucky enough to really not wake up, I hope that I see her in heaven. Thank you Ms. Allen for giving us a place to express our feelings. I owe you the bit of sanity I have left. Erin will be in my prayers. It seems that at least she did not go in vain, as so many have. She will live on through every life that you save, and through their children and grandchildren. Eventually you could populate a whole city with the decendants of those who you have saved, I'm sure. She shall be a queen among angels. And what a noble fate that is. As Jesus walks through heaven, perhaps he will give her a nod and say, "A woman who sacrifices herself for the greater good of humanity, nice. Let's go out some time." You never know how it all works up there. Bon soir.
Chrissy <chrissyperris@yahoo.com>
Natrona Heights, PA USA - Friday, June 06, 2003 at 23:22:44 (HST)

http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/ Please call by sometime...ex-addicts and current addicts welcome. Also welcomes families of addicted people. God Bless Erin.
Andy. <N/A>
USA - Friday, June 06, 2003 at 08:20:08 (HST)

I have seen a documentary film consisting of spliced=together tv 'specials' on research into using a derivative of the Iboga plant called "Ibogaine". There has been some limited (former heroin addicts losing the craving/desire for the drug for years) success, but at the time of the making of the documentary (late 1990's?) there was more research to be done and no govt's or businesses were funding research. Some of the research being done with people, I believe took place in Panama (and maybe Brazil). Try a search on the internet, perhaps. Good luck and blessings. Annie
Annie
Northampton, Ma USA - Tuesday, June 03, 2003 at 16:40:47 (HST)

My boyfriend was on herion for the past year with in the mean time I got pregant. I had no clue he was doing and one day broke down and told me. He went throught detox and is now clean. This just happened 2 weeks ago, the baby is due in a week and half. How do I help him stay clean and keep him strong. oh he was doing it with his brother and his brother doesn't want help. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
angel
Fox Lake , il USA - Tuesday, June 03, 2003 at 09:30:32 (HST)

The poem mentioned earlier by sonyapictures 'Take Me In Your Arms' was written many years ago by undercover detective Duncan MacLaughlin, while serving on the Drug Squad at Scotland Yard. His book, 'The Filth' makes compelling reading for anyone who has had a loved one fall foul of the effect of drugs.
Jill <shearerja@aol.com>
London, UK - Saturday, May 31, 2003 at 07:29:56 (HST)

I was so sorry to hear about your daughter. My boyfriend is a heroin addict, he used to inject up to 15 times a day, since being on the methadone programme he has cut down to about 2-3 times a day. but he has been on methadone for 2 years. I am not an addict, i have never touched any sort of drug, but i dont know what to do, he is my life, i love him so much and would do anything fr him, we have been through so much, I just dont want to come home and find him dead. I am at my wits end. I think your very brave to tell Erins story, when my boyfriend gets home ill make him read it, hopefully it will have some sort of affect. He does want to get off it. God Bless
Lindsay <lbdh1824@tiscali.co.uk>
UK - Saturday, May 31, 2003 at 05:24:07 (HST)

I have a friend. Her name is tara. She was so pretty before she started to use heroin. She became so violent and ignorant to me and others around her. But heroin has gotten ahold of her mind and her body. She shared a needle and has contracted hepatitisB. She is very sick and all because of heroin.
joe <boltboisk8@bolt.com>
port deposit, maryland USA - Thursday, May 29, 2003 at 04:53:55 (HST)

To Beebo, Erin was in a treatment facility that was part of our prison system. I will keep you in my prayers. I know you can get clean, ask yourself if it's worth your life. God Bless Marie
Marie
USA - Thursday, May 29, 2003 at 03:55:32 (HST)

I am 20 yrs old and have been on heroin for the last 4 yrs.Now I'm 4 months clean.I found your site very helpful because when I feel bad and my mind thinks of heroin I take a look at your site and I remember how painful it is to be a heroin addict.I pray that GOD helps me and so to Erin.Thanks for your story and keep fighting against this fu__ing heroin.
J.C.
Malta - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 07:35:20 (HST)

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I am a heroin addict to and I am having trouble getting off it. Now that I have heard this story I pray it helps me. i am so sorry again to hear and would like to kno what kind of treatment shewent through when she was clean. Please put it on this page. I will visit again to see if you have answered!
Beebo
Mindrixville, oh USA - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 06:50:05 (HST)

Mrs. Allen: I can only commend you on your bravery and resolve to somehow turn your personal tragedy into a message of hope. Your story hit too close to home, especially when I saw the photo of your Erin's gravestone and I realized she was only 21 years old when she died. I lost a very close friend who was also 21 at the time of her death. She had stuggled with heroin addiction for a few years, in and out of rehabs, detoxifying over and over only to relapse in terrible agony, getting methadone treatment but running out of money to sustain the treatment and ride back and forth from Wilkes-Barre to Phillipsburg, NJ. I helped her as much as I could. She moved in with me in October 2001 as she had lost her apartment and had nowhere else to go. Her parents had divorced and moved far away and she needed help. I did the best I could to support her financially in her methadone treatments, but it eventually became too much, almost as much as her heroin habit itself and she left me in February 2002. I was deeply saddened to see her go--you can grow quite close to someone you live with, even for a short time as this was. What was worse, the future did not look good for her. But she went through detox and a short-term rehab and was clean when she came back to me in June. I was so happy to have her back that I lost sight of the fact that money I had around the house was disappearing and credit cards were stolen. She felt bad and left my home after I asked her what had happened to the money and the cards. I was heartbroken again at seeing her leave. I discovered a few days later that she had gotten so desparate that she broke into my house and stole checks out of my check book and forged my signature on them to get cash for her addiction. I reported this to the police and they picked her up on an outstanding drug paraphenalia charge and housed her in the county prison. She was not given the treatment she needed and came to such despair as to hang herself by a prison towel in her lonely cell. She lapsed into a coma from which she never recovered and died on 31 Oct 02 after being taken off the resuscitator. I can never forgive myself for calling the police. I wanted only to protect my home from future intrusion and I lost someone who was precious to me in the process. Her parents share the tragic common bond with you of having lost their beautiful 21 year old daughter to the demon of this drug. I for my part have committed to try and somehow make a difference in the community's war on drugs. Everyday I suffer the loss of my beautiful Crystal Leigh, but I can only imagine how it must feel to be a parent and lose your daughter at such a young age to such a tremendous tragedy. I would appreciate it you could write or call these folks and let them know that there is healing and hope with God's love. Or maybe they could write to you. We all need hope and strength and God gives us each other to share our stories and our dreams for a better tomorrow. Someday we will see and hold our little angels again. "I am the Resurrection and the Life" saith the Lord. "Whosoever believeth in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever believeth in Me and lives, shall never die." I've found comfort and strength in these words of hope; I pray God helps you to find the same. We must wipe out this scourge and heal all who suffer from it.
Kevin <kmill@epix.net>
Wilkes-Barre, PA USA - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 05:35:08 (HST)

I was so sorry to hear of your sad loss. perhaps erin's story will prevent someone else from taking the same road, hopefully, and by doing so prevent another sad loss of life. i work with heroin users here in chester and see, every day, the sad waste of life that is described in erin's story.
jim moran <ferryfc10@hotmail.com>
chester, u.k. - Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 04:26:01 (HST)

I don't have an e-mail address; above is my fiancee's. I was stunned as I typed in "heroin" and then hit Search. I scrolled down and saw my own name! I have had an on/off struggle with opiates myself. I am now two weeks clean. It breaks my heart to read Erin's story. It strikes a deep chord in me to hear of anyone dying from this disease I am so familiar with myself. But to see my own name alone hit me hard. I can't describe the surge of emotion I felt reading the powerful story of a woman who has the same and stuggle as me. To Erin's family, I cannot express just how sorry I am to learn of the loss of this beautiful person. You have done a beautiful and generous act to share Erin's legacy with others. Marie, I admire both your courage and generosity for sharing Erin's life with others. She certainly reached me.
Erin J. Allen <jlamae@c21citiwide.com>
Stoneham, MA USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 21:09:50 (HST)

Hi Marie, I was so moved by your story tonight at Coughlin High school watching the video I saw my daughter Lindsey she also asked me to play a favorit song at her funeral It's Over the rainbow by Tori Amos how sad that is. I can understand why you share your story I know for myself it helps me to talk about my daughter she is about 40 days clean & she has never been clean longer than 90 days out of rehab that scares me but I know I am powerless! All I can do is pray for her, I know you are very busy but if you can let me know when you are coming back to our area there are some other people who would love to hear your story too what a wonderfull person you are to do this along with the other 2 people May God Bless you all I will pray for you & your family & of course Erin Kathy
Kathy Lindsey's MOM <Kathy4gls@aol.com>
Wilkes-Barre, Pa USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 17:11:37 (HST)

I have no way of making your family feel better from the loss of your child.i am so sorry.you came to my school today and your daughters pictures were so sad.i could only imagine how hard it is.you have given me a new view on life. i thank god i am not hooked on drugs.i will never try any drug due to your program.thank you for showing me how bad drugs are and someday you will see your daughter again. i promise you this please never lose hope of that for one day it will all be better.god bless and protect you.-justin-
Justin <tampalightning35@yahoo.com>
Wilkes -Barre, Pa USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 12:32:52 (HST)

My son's friend came over to talk a few days ago. She said her friends started smoking heroin, and she could not stop them, so she tried it. It's such an amazing feeling, imagine the entire chemical that fills the pleasure center in the brain flooding it all at once. She smoked it for 2 months, then she went on a school trip to Mexico. For the first 3 days of the trip, she was horribly sick. She said she stayed in the shower all day. Her friend told her she was going through withdrawals. She was horrified and disgusted, and after 2 weeks on the trip, totally straight. She never tried it again. She's in college now. She was lucky. A few more months, and you can't stop so easily. My son died, he inherited a lot of money, about the same time he met a heroin addict. They partied every day for 6 months. My son realized he was hooked and tried to detox. He went through 8 re-habs, I de toxed him 5 times, jail twice. But the pull was always too strong, and the people were always there to encourage him back on it. After all, heroin addicts need money and rides and will take any one down with them, to avoid the pain of withdrawal. My son overdosed Nov. 4th. 2002, the day before my birthday. People brought flowers and presents, but my life is over. The joy is gone. What can replace a child? He was just 20. Why can't we get rid of this drug?? Why is it so available, and so cheap? No one wants to be a heroin addict, kids try it thinking, not me, I won't get caught us in it, but they do....and the parents suffer
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
Malibu, Ca USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 07:48:18 (HST)

i've been using for only a few months... i'm 22 and after this short time things are falling apart... on an average day i was shooting about 3 bags a day... some days less, some more. i stopped injecting heroine about a week ago and have been clean for about 3 days... i'm glad i got to read over some of ur stories and i thank you... heroine is the devil... i haven't left my room in days and can only hope the sickness will go away soon
Alan
PA USA - Tuesday, May 27, 2003 at 06:57:40 (HST)

Hello: Several months ago I followed my doctor�s advice and joined a methadone program in order to be able to recover form a crippling depression and periodic drug abuse. My utter ability to function had led to the loss of my business and I had plunged into an enormous amount of debt. At the time it seamed as the only solution which might save my life by helping me regain my functionality and ability to cope with life. Less than tree months after I joined the program I went on a schedule of decreasing the methadone intake with 10 mgr every 3 weeks. I was on 90 mgrs in beginning of March and I am on 50 mgrs now. Last year I kicked cold turkey a self-imposed street methadone �maintenance�. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I am absolutely terrified thinking about the horror of a detox and at the same time I am determined to end my addiction to methadone in the quickest possible way. I feel like I�ve wasted my life and I might not get another chance to regain it. Please help me if you can! Any suggestions? Similar experiences? Clinics? Etc. Thank!
Bluemoon77772002 <Bluemoon77772002@yahoo.com>
NYC, NY USA - Monday, May 26, 2003 at 12:02:51 (HST)

I'm very sorry for your loss. I was 'captured' by heroin two years ago, I'm on methadone now but it is still very hard and almost impossible without the support of a good doctor and parents. The most important thing to do is to get something that comes in place for the kneedle. You must have a hobby or something that you can do, that intrests you also and that you like doing so that you can put your mind into other things. Never give up hope and always keep believing in them, they are in need of love and understanding!
Kris
Antwerp, Belgium - Monday, May 26, 2003 at 05:55:42 (HST)

My son Hunter died Nov 4th. 2002. I am getting by day by day, as I'm sure you do also. Some days are hard, like today when his friend stopped by, just to talk. Last night I slept with his shirt, it still smells of his cologne. My son just turned 20, he also tried several times to quit but it is almost impossible. They say it takes 18 months for the chemical to get back into the brain the the heroin depletes. I had my son put in jail to detox him because I thought he was going to die. He was in and clean for 3 months. When he got out, he overdosed. He was so happy when he first got out. full of hope and plans, But he didn't have a chance, that drug is just too overpowering. I found him on the beach, dying. I just thought he was sleeping, he died a few hours later. God I love him and miss him so much every day. God bless our children, and all who fall under this horrible horrible drug...Christa a mom
Christa <2hunter@charter.net>
Malibu, Ca. USA - Sunday, May 25, 2003 at 16:22:51 (HST)

I am now in your shoes. My daughter has been an addict for 3 years that I know of. She has been on methadone, she got kicked out of the program I don't really know the reason why.. She has lied to us and used every bit of money she could get from us, sold her things and the childrens things, stole from friends. Last month things really got out of hand and she left home and didn't come back. I am taking care of her children. She was finally arrested and is in jail. I will not bond her out. She will have to stay there 30 days,hopefully we can arrange some rehab for her. If not she will be right back in the same mess. I cannot help her anymore. She is going to have to clean up or take the consequences. Some times I hate her for ruining her life this way. To think of dealing with this for more years is almost more than I can handle. I know that the chances of her quiting are almost nil.
anon
USA - Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 09:36:47 (HST)

i was deeply moved by your story. i really saddens me that this evil drug can ruin so may peoples lives. I now realise just how many people r suffering from this terrible drug. instead of people calling heroin addicts junkies or smack heads they should be doing all they can to help those desperate people in need. but you must not forget that you can only help an addict if they are willing to be helped. god bless you and your family. erin rip
kelly <www.cecillpil@yahoo.com>
barnsely, uk uk - Monday, May 19, 2003 at 04:19:41 (HST)

WELL I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. I MUST TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY ABOUT ME. I AM TYPING YOU THIS ON MAY 18TH 2003. LAST SUMMER IN JUNE OF 2002 I HAD BEEN ON NARCOTIC PAIN MEDS FOR ALONG TIME AND WAS ADDICTED TO THEM, WELL IN JUNE LAST YEAR I RAN OUT OF MY PILLS I WOULD EAT THEM LIKE CANDY AND ANYWAY I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK (WITHDRAWING) FROM NOT HAVING ANYMORE PILLS SO MY NEIGHBORS THAT I HAD MADE FRIENDS WITH SAID THAT SHE WOULD HELP ME OUT IN THE MORNING WITH A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED HEROIN WELL I HAD HEARD ABOUT HEROIN AND HOW NASTY OF A DRUG IT WAS AND I WAS SCARED TO TAKE IT SO I GOT ONLINE AND WENT TO HEROIN.COM AND I SAW ERINS STORY SO I READ IT AND WAS ALMOST IN TEARS AND TOLD MYSELF I WOULD NEVER DO IT. WELL THE NEXT MORNING ROLLED AROUND AND I WAS FEEELING HORRIBLE SO I WENT OVER THERE AND SHE SAID WELL DO YOU WANT THIS OR NOT I SAID I GUESS SO I SNORTED A LITTLE AND IT HURT REALLY BAD BUT IN A FEW MINUTES I WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND SAD TO SAY I HAD A THREE YEAR OLD AT THAT TIME SO I HAD TO FEEL BETTER SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER BUT I WAS LIKE I AM NOT ADDICTED BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT THEY SAY YOUR HOOKED BUT I WAS CONVINCED I WAS'NT IN ALL REALITY I WAS NOT PHYSICALLY, BUT MENTALLY HOOKED SO ANYWAY TIME WENT ON A FEW MONTHS PASTED BY AND I STARTED TO BEGIN BUYING IT MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL I WAS FULL BLOWN INTO MY ADDICTION I CAN RELATE TO WHAT ERIN HAS DONE AND FELT YOU WILL DO ANYTHINHG AT ANY COST TO GET SOMEMORE AND I DID THAT FROM STEALING FROM WALMART EVERYDAY TO PROSTITUTING TO TAKING BACK MY DAUGHTERS TOYS, CLOTHES SELLING EVERYTHING I OWNED UNTIL I HAD NOTHING LEFT I EVENTUALLY LOST MY APARTMENT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES GOT CALLED ON ME AND I ENDED UP LOSING MY BABYGIRL . I WAS DEVASTATED AND SO I BEGAN USING MORE ,SHE GOT TAKEN FROM ME ON DECEMBER 30TH 2002 AND MY LAST DAY OF USING WAS ON FEBRUARY 17TH 2003 DUE TO GETTING RIPPED OFF AND HAD NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO CALL AN AMBULANCE BECAUSE I WAS SO SICK SO I WAS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL AND ADMITTED FOR TEN DAYS THEN MY CPS WORKER SENT ME TO DETOX FOR TEN DAYS THEN AFTER DETOX TO PROSPERITY COUNSELING AND TREATMENT CENTER IN SUMNER WA I WAS THERE FOR 42 DAYS AND IT WAS ROUGH BUT IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPEND TO ME I LEARNED ALOT OF LIFE SAVING TOOLS TO KEEP ME CLEAN. I KNOW THAT TREATMENT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK FOR ONE BUT AT LEAST THEY TRIED AND HEROIN REALLY TAKES OVER IT IS THE DEVIL I MARRIED IT, ANYWAY AFTER 42 DAYS OF INTENSIVE INPATIENT I THEN WENT TO A RECOVERY HOUSE IN DES MOINES WA AND WELL THAT DID NOT WORK OUT BUT I AM DOING GREAT I MET A GUY IN THE NA PROGRAM HE HAS 5 MONTHS HE IS ANOTHER BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPEND TO ME TODAY IS THE 18TH AND ON THE 20TH I WILL HAVE 90 DAYS CLEAN AND AM ON MY WAY TO GETTING MY CHILD BACK. MY CONDOLENCES AMELIA TRAUT.
AMELIA TRAUT <HANNAHANNE@HOTMAIL.COM>
FEDERAL WAY, WA USA - Sunday, May 18, 2003 at 08:46:11 (HST)

I know how overwhelming all of this has been and is continuing to be for you and your family. I sympathize with the trauma, crisis, and tragedy you all have undergone.
My daughter is a herion addict. She was just recently arrested and had been on the drug for about a year and a half. She went through one week of detox and is now on her way to drug rehab through the court system. Already, before she has even made it into rehab, she has fallen back into her addiction. I know that this is a road to hell and there is not getting off of it for many until prison or the point of death. I understand what it means to be a mother of a daughther on Herion. I am there in your steps right now.
I'd rather see her in prison than dead though to be honest with you and others reading my story. There is no covering up for her or hiding her addiciton. I am in full and complete cooperation with the courts and the medical establishments such as Detox and Rehab.
I don't know what else to say to you or any others here except that you must protect your ownself, offer support to the victim, and keep encourgaging them to go straight and get help. Sometimes, even that is not enough, and I realize that. Prepare for the worse is all I can advise anyone because that is exactly where you are headed with a Herion addict.

C.W. <madameblackrose@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, GA USA - Saturday, May 17, 2003 at 08:29:20 (HST)

For David Brown Jr. I am from Ohio and I know that you"re in a small town and probably do not get out much. You obviously know nothing about drugs and the people who become involved. Many are educated, brought up properly and come from financial means. Drugs have nothing to do with the issues you claim to know so much about. I might add also that this is a site for honor, love and rememberance. There are many other sites out there to discuss your beliefs. Spend your time more wisely than showing all of us your lack of knowledge.
Carol ---- Michael's mom
Minneapolis, USA - Saturday, May 17, 2003 at 03:55:09 (HST)

~Mrs.Allen~ I want to thank you SOOOO very much for comming to my school Octorara Middle School you have changed a lot of people's minds I think if not atleast mine! I have never done heroin before and I am sooooo glad for that. I don't really kno any of my friends that have none of my friends do that! I guess I hang out with a good crowd and I hope it stays that way. Your story about erin made me cry. I have never touched heroin, did heroin or even never been offered it which is really good. I couldn't thank you enough for you comming to our school I hope you changed people minds about it and I hope peolple that have family members that are addicted to it the best of luck. I have never had a family member that died from heroin or and drug. I just want to say sorry for your loss of your daughter I kno what it feels like to loose a family member but i dont kno how it feels to loose a family member to drugs. It must be hard for you if I could I would sit there all day and listen to people storys about heroin I could listen to yours a million times. It must be hard to loose a daughter I have never lost a sister or brother I couldn't live if my sisters or brother died. I just want to thank you again for comming to my school to change my life you are a hero to me!! If you want to e-mail me back you can I would really love that a lot.
Stephanie Tarloski <HottChickSteph01@hotmail.com>
Atglen, pa USA - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 13:25:10 (HST)

Re: David Brown. Quote "illiterate, no sense of grammEr." You cannot surely criticze other peoples grammar...when you can't even spell the word correctly yourself! "Grammer"...(With an A you illiterate). You foolish man. Andy.
Andrew Marshall-Muff <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, England - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 10:37:34 (HST)

God Bless. http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/JUSTTRAINSPOTTING/
Andrew Marshall <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Yorkshire, England - Friday, May 16, 2003 at 10:25:40 (HST)

Mrs. Allen -- I just wanted to say thank you one more time for coming to Octorara and sharing Erin's story. I grew up in Philly and lived up the street from a drug dealer. Since then my family has moved, but I was amazed that someone was actually addressing this problem and that people were willing to come all the way from delaware just to talk to us. May God bless you
a student
atglen, PA USA - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 at 09:49:07 (HST)

Once you become an aquantince of the dragon it is veary diffacult to break free of its wrath. Some can go on for years without letting the path become a blur...Always in control...Some can no longer will themselfs to stay within there limits..They go mad and the dragon takes them. Out of 20 I am the only one left. The dragon will never get me.
evol
Chicago, il USA - Wednesday, May 14, 2003 at 09:26:44 (HST)

I just want to say thanks for comming to Octorara Middle School to talk about Heroin. I now know the full efects of it and will be sure never to use it.
Anonymous
Cochranville, PA USA - Tuesday, May 13, 2003 at 08:02:35 (HST)

In regards to Laura, you are a fine one to talk about the use of capital letters and spelling.
Bill Havireid
CA USA - Monday, May 12, 2003 at 08:38:14 (HST)

I JUST WANTED TO REPLY TO THE IDIOT DAVID BROWN JR. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE TO WRITE YPUR COMMENTS ON HEROIN ADDICTS. HAVE YOU GOT ANY SENSITIVITY? THE LADY WHO PUT THIS SITE TOGETHER LOST HER DAUGHTER THROUGH HEROIN AND HAS TRIED TO HELP OTHERS OUT THERE SUFFERING FROM THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE. YOU SAY THAT HEROIN ADDICTS ARE ILLITERATE WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN USE CAPITAL LETTERS CORRECTLY. GET A LIFE YOU POMPOUS IDIOT!! I'D ALSO LIKE TO ADVISE THE LADY WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS USING HEROIN. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TREAT HER EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID BEFORE SHE WAS AN ADDICT. SHE NEEDS SELF ESTEEM AND SELF CONFIDENCE IF SHE IS TO GET CLEAN. PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT IGNORING HER OR MAKING HER FEEL LIKE RUBBISH WILL HELP HER. IT WON'T!! GOOD LUCK QWITH THE FUTURE. I HOPE SHE MAKES IT.
LAURA
USA - Sunday, May 11, 2003 at 03:45:10 (HST)

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I've read some of the comments on this post and notice most are current/past heroin addicts. I am neither. I am a concerned friend to an addict and don't know what to do for her. It is scary to me, she lives across the states from me and I feel I am not able to do anything for her. I pray and send her well wishes weekly. Anyone reading this that is a current or former user, please help me out on this. What do you as "addicts" need from your friends/family? What can we do to help you, show you we love you, and get you to help yourself? I am a very dedicated, loyal, and loving friend and I want to help my best friend who is miles away. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to e-mail me, it will be much appreciated. Thank you and good luck to you all!
Electra <electralil@hotmail.com>
Navajo Nation, NM USA - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 09:16:16 (HST)

I find it repulsive that so many people have the 'guts' to try these drugs, but become cowards when it is time to quit. you do have a choice to use heroin, or any other drug. so why does it seem that the users always blame 'society' for their personal problems. if their life is so bad, then why don't they just commit suicide. I have also noticed that drug addicts also seem to be illiterate, with no sense of grammer or usage. why don't you get a job, an education, or maybe a life.
david brown jr.
mentor, oh USA - Friday, May 09, 2003 at 07:44:53 (HST)

A poem for Everyboby out there: Just befor i shoot myself I'd like to leave this poem,for the people on the streets and for my folks at home, Beware of drugs of any kind,addiction is no lie, it happens each and every day to folks like you and i. I thought i led a normal life and "straight" people were odd. I do believe in Jesus,but heroin is my God. If you had called me an addict,just two months ago. Id probably have shot you and taken your cash for a blow. I realise my addiction now,and this is why i write; Before i pull the trigger so you may hear my plite. Please stay away from all these things,they will stuff up your mind. They will leave you jobless on the street,and estrange you from mankind. If i wasn't mixed up in this hit,imagine where i'd be, I'd have a job,a home,a loving family. But i dont have my God this drug possesses me. To you another drug addict to me reality. If i were only brave enough i'd try to start again.But i know i'd dissapoint myself and cause myself more pain. Thus i choose the cowards path by comiting suicide.My drug and i will separate for my body will have died. Now..... May the lord who made us all,forgive me for my wrongs. For lying,stealing,all those things. And lord my final one, Good-bye Mom, Good-bye Dad, I let you down i know, Forgive me. But i fucked it up and now i have to go.
Unknowen <#>
#, # SA - Friday, May