everybody experiences loss. some greater than others. it's what you do with that loss. you've turn your loss into something greater than what the dragon can give you. think..... you've touched so many people by your story..... but why does it always take loss for people to listen AND respond???????????
kMc <lottaloss&tiredofit>
roseville, mi USA - dear mrs. allen,
i want you to know that my heart goes out to you. truely. erin must have been the greatest before this evil drug got a hold of her. i know, because i myself am recovering from the same thing. i have 5 months clean now. i read all these entries and see that it's everywhere, and it affects everyone. well i just wanted you to know that i have you in my prayers...god bless you, and know that erin is in a better place now, the world we live in is hell, she's in heaven looking down on you making sure you're safe!
anm
RS, md USA - I CAME ACROSS THIS ACCIDENTLY. I WAS LOOKING FOR A METHADONE RE-HAB CENTER. I AM TAKING 200MGS. A DAY FOR PAIN AND I WANT OFF. I AM SO SINCERELY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. THANK GOD SHE IS UP THERE IN HEAVEN NOW WITH OUR LORD AND SHE IS HAPPY AND FREE. BUT STILL I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR HOW SHE HAD TO GET THERE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL, TERRY MARIE
TERRY <DANSUNDBLAD5886@msn.com>
MESA, AZ. USA - I pray everyday for recovering addicts and active users. There is hope, and I personally will never give up!
elsie
USA - me and my family would like to offer you our deepest sympathes and to let you know your story puts a little more fight and determination in my own sad battal against the evil drug i hope a lot of other people will try a lot harder as well in thier own battle against it
paul mcfarlane <jah666rass@aol.com>
prestonpans, eastlothian scotland - Hello again marie this is marcy.I came back in to read some stories and got very upset over one of the comments people made.Iam so sorry that you had to read that.Some people are really sick. God Bless You Marie
marcy <scoobyscoobydew1969@yahoo.com>
meriden, ct USA - D--my husband was a practicing attorney, with his own practice. He died in april: according the the medical examiner, he "quietly slipped away"...Heroin supresses respiration; and in this instance, it was supressed to the point where he fell into a coma, and then simply stopped breathing.
He didn't want to die.
And our 6 year old son misses him terribly.
Marisa <msteffers@yahoo.com>
USA - I am so sorry for your loss.
I am a heroin addict of several years now. It is an unpleasant life. I am also an attorney, which makes things extremely complex (and why I can't use my name here, sorry).
One point though, the deaths of so many people could be avoided by ending the war on drugs. The same number of addict would exisit, but their lifestyle would be so much better, doses predictable,accidents rare. No associated crime.
THere'd be no more addicts than there are now, people don't avoid heroin because it is illegal.
Just thought,
D.
D. 29 year old lawyer, NJ <rather not, sorry>
NJ, NJ USA - Mrs. Allen, during the holidays I would like to say GOD BLESS YOU!!!! I met you before and I informed you that I knew Erin. I am a recovering Heroin addict, at the present time I have 21 months clean-Glory Be to God!!!! Your program has been the light for alot of families, I start college in January for my Bachelor's Degree in Drug & Alcohol counseling. I have alot to offer not to mention give back to people in need... Sorry to cut this short but I have to go back to class now, my instructor is on my back!!
Dawn <ADAG410@hotmail.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Last Sept. my boyfriend Shane died from a drug abuse,we were living with a woman who had given birth to 4 babies the last one was his (ours?)and he was taken at 2 months and placed into foster care. the foster parents were glorified junkies! we started to vist, and before we knew it, we were hooked! after 2 months she was pregnate angain! His son was hooked on junk before he learned to read! 2 months ago he went into rehab with his cousin kenny. he locked himself in the bathroom and hung himself, Shane also died a horrable death when he tore his face apart. a tingling, a horror, a jab of the needle? my secound cousin is still in the foster care. his mom seems to be an addict also. we would like legal custody, but we were told we were inappropriate parents! us? I would have to take classes to learn how to raise a baby of drug abuse. maybe I can get the child hooked too! they are the greatest victems.
bennet sprang <benn2562@yahoo.com>
harvest, MI USA - i am the devil and heroin is the flower of sin
alex
batavia, ny USA - my name is greg and im a recovering heroin addict its been about 3 months since ive done anything, and its truley a blessing to be alive. i really think that the few select people that stood behind me and wanted me to stop were truley my guardian angles, all i have to say is everyone is worth more than this disease. god bless and my prayers go out to all the addicts who are still out there useing.
greg janny <g.janny@rcn.com>
bath, pa USA - Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet cousin, Will, to a herione overdose last spring and I see what his parents are going through. May God Bless. Vicki
Vicki Warncke <Victoria.Warncke@med.va.gov>
Cincinnati, OH USA - Hello Marie I just finished reading Erin's story and Thank you for sharing it. I to am a herion addict a recovering one at that. I have not used herion in 3 years now.Iam 35 years old i started using drugs at 13 and found herion at 22 yrs old and fell in love with it.I allowed it to take everything from me.I had no feelings for anyone but how can I get more.Today iI have everything back and more and love life.Thank you so much for this site now I can come and vist and check on people.If anyone ever needs to talk they can e-mail me at scoobyscoobydew1969@yahoo.com God bless everyone.
Marcy <scoobyscoobydew1969@yahoo.com>
Meriden, CT USA - I AM A 24-YEAR OLD RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT I'VE BEEN CLEAN FOR ALMOST 1 YEAR.THE FIRST TIME IN 7 YEARS THAT I WENT THIS LONG,AND I MUST SAY THAT IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HAVE MY LIFE BACK,AND TO HAVE MY FAMILY BACK IN MY LIFE.JUST SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO OTHER ADDICTS OUT THERE WHO ARE STILL USING AND WANT TO STOP BUT IT SEEMS THAT YOU CANT RIGHT NOW,IF YOU REALLY WANT TO YOU CAN,EVERYBODY HAS TO HIT THEIR BOTTOM,WHERE ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,BUT EVERYBODYS BOTTOM IS DIFFERENT.SO TO ALL THAT IS STILL USING PLEASE DO IT FOR YOUR SELF,SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT LIFE THAT FOR SO LONG WE NEVER HAD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL COME INTO PLACE. TRUST ME!!!LIFE IS WORTH LIVING WITH SO MUCH TO SEE PUTTING DOWN THE DRUGS YOU WILL FINALLY BE FREE!G.O.D. BLESS
MATT J. <ma.janny@rcn.com>
slatington, pa USA - If I was the devil himself, I could'nt come up with a better way to destoy somone and all that now or love them. I have been addicted to everything from booze to cocaine in every form the pipe(crack) nose needles. seventeen prisons,treatment centres ect ect. The pain I'v had and caused is to much to comprehend. Then four years ago while sitting in a cell wanting to committ suicide raving in pain from the loss of my little boys and everything eles in this world. I thought if there is god would cry out to him and did. miricles happened after three years clean the return of my sons,money and a good rep,I truly changed. But I never new herion. I was working trying to help young people avoid my mistakes in life, I met herion and now Iam addicted bad. I just cant get through the detox, it's just to much to take. I want so much to get one more try, I will never again make this mistake,if I could just get through detox. my little boys are,nt so small anymore Iam scared for us. I did changed, in my heart back in that cell,I still care for people, haven,t been back to jail or that life style. Please God hear my cry give me one more chance. The only way for me seams this new detox (rapid detox treatment) so I can get threw. I know how to stay clean, and have learn,t even more since that night in the cell, but the devil (or so it feels) wont let me get detoxed. rapid detox is six thousand dollars I dont have, I would make payments the rest of my life to get the treatment.The life my children had before I tryed herion is slowly getting taken away, and they only have me in this world.So thanks for your web page,its a scary place I am in and your page helped.If I can help anyone with my story let me know, its helped some in other places. andy
Andy <rowboys@shaw.ca>
vancouver, b.c Canada - Hi my name is jessica. I have vist this site before. i check up on it almost everytime i come on the internet. i am a recovering heroin addict. i am 16 i i was snorting everyday for one year. i am now 10 weeks clean and feel better than ever. even when you think there is no hope, there always will be hope and you can do it if you let yourself. to erins mom Mrs.Allen , When i come to your web page...i read your site and it aspires me to slay clean and to live without the fix.. or the cravings everyday...it kinda make me feel really good that i am one out of many to overcome this addiction i have had for so short of time but what has done damage.i am very sure your daughter was A great girl and had a very good heart..god bless you, your family and your daughter. TO ALL ADDICTS..GOD BLESS YOU ALL..
JESSICA
CHICAGO, IL USA - Hello;
My name is Cheryl Rose and I am a recovering heroin addict. I havde been an addict for 36 years and by the grace of God I found a place for people like myself, it is called TROSA and it located in North Carolina. I am from Massachusetts and have tried many time to stop using heroin and could never get that monkey off of my back. Today after 2 years at TROSA I am drug and alcohol free and training to stay on here as staff. I started putting a needle in my arm at the age of 17 and today I am a 54 year old woman who is finally living a life. Getting clean is the easiest thing to do staying clean is the hardest, most of us don't even know that we are in the tunel never mind see the light at the end. I can only tell you that you did everything you could for your child and that what you are doing now by this web site will save someones life. I applaud your strength and your dedication to your daughter. My mother is 80 years old and until two and a half years ago I don't think she had a full nights sleep. Thank you,Cheryl
Cheryl Rose <crose@trosainc.org>
Durham, NC USA - Dear Mrs.Allen my name is Kristen Iam 22 years old and Iam 10 months and two days clean from heroin and when I read your story I cried Iam still crying I went through so much when I was useing and put my mom through hell I hope That your story will affect other addicts the way it has me I started useing in pittsburg p.a and carried my addiction with me back home and was clean a year started useing agian and thats when the needle took over and my life and my 2 babies life along with my mothers went down with my addiction i would like your permission to print your story and take it to a N/A meeting with me it really touched home with me please E-mail me and let me know if that would be ok thank you and iam so sorry for your daughter and for your pain
Kristen Shearer <kaylyn44906@yahoo.com>
Ontario, OHIO USA - Can I add? Sorry. I wholeheartedly agree with the post below by Scott. I myself found methadone harder to kick than dope, and I have only had methadone in detox for a few days. Once you get out, and that wears off I think it's way worse. It truly does affect your bones etc., and I agree about the policing of the methadone, and keeping track of addicts. BUT for some it is the right way for them, and if that works than that is wonderful. Everyone is different. I was also leary of some of the new meds they push in detox, and are doing clinical trials on. I know this sounds hypocritical, but who knows what the heck that stuff is. I may be paranoid, but I believe it's another way to keep track of the downtrodden. Let's give the lowlifes some free CD's, and a voucher, for their participation in this new drug program. NAH. They even promised it would make withdrawl easier, and I refused it. Just my opinion of course, but whatever works to keep your loved ones I'm for it. Love to all, and I pray for you parents I wish I could help everyone of your children.
Brynn
Philly, USA - Hey Mrs. Allen, Hoping this letter finds you well. You are doing such wonderful things, and helping so many people. For the parents out there who have posted......never give up on your kids. Never. I personally have been in rehabs, and detoxes and met kids whose families had just enough of the madness. It can work. They need you. It's their lives. I understand that the chaos is unbearable, and I myself feel responsible for illness, and deaths in my family caused by the stress I gave out. I'd heard clean people say that for some reason just one day you'll wake up, and it won't be so bad...the cravings will cease, and there will be hours you don't think about the dope. Amazingly it's true, and I'm blessed to have gotten there. I empathize with everyone, and their pain. It can be done. Hang in there.
Brynn
Philly, USA - I'm so sorry for all u went thru! I have never been addicted but I have had a boyfriend who was. He is still alive, but his life is not in anyway th life he wished to have! I can understand the strange feeling of being attracted to Drugs, because I also am. I'm just lucky to have a strong will, which kept me from ever trying!
I miss the Persin my ex was before gettin' addicted...
So as we would say in German: Halt die Ohren steif!
Lilly <Lolitamouse@lycos.de>
Germany - im a recovering herione addict,actuuly every drug.ive battled with addiction for years.im 35,i was in 3 rehabs by the age of 18 .i went to prison at 18 for theft crimes to support my habbit.over the years ive had moments of complete sobrity.cuurently im playing with fire cuz i drink occasionaly and smoke weed.your story of your daughter touched me cuz it is me also.i havent found any peace with myself,id love to be completely drug free.ill probley die from an overdose also,iv allready done that twice but lived.its wierd cuz i dont look like a drugy,i hope your daughter and others that have passed like this will watch over me....love you.thanks
scott <scottspot420@hotmail.com>
fresno, ca USA - Addictive drugs (including nicotine and alcohol) fundamentally alter the neurobiology of the brain. Interestingly, researchers have found the same change in folks who are addicted to gambling. And, as we know, most addictions begin in youth. It *is* a disease; not a moral failure.
Marisa <msteffers@yahoo.com>
NY USA - Lets remember not to talk trash to each other on this site. Everyone needs to remember that all people have different views on Heroin. I view this site as a support system for addicts and family/friends who have loved ones with this devilish problem. Lets love and support! No need to bash an addict of any sort. I myself do not have an addiction and never have. I have never done drugs and never will. I love this site though because of all the kind hearted people. I love to assist people as well so I will continue to monitor this site and help where I can. Take it 1 day at a time and remember everythings going to be alright in the end. Jesus loves all of us. He is you best leader. Ask for guidence when times get rough. I love everyone and stay strong. R.I.P. George Johnson. I miss you brother and will never forget! I will see you again someday when I get to Heaven!
Matt <matt2229@aol.com>
Kennesaw , GA USA - Please learn to spell before you write any messages regarding an addiction you "obviously" know nothing about................This drug takes over your mind and soul, do not pass judgement.................
m
USA - THE MOOR I READ THE HARDER IT IS TO UNDERSTAND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IT IS ECACTLY U DO TO SHOOT UP AND THE FEELING THAT IT GIVES U AS I AM AT A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE BIG LOVE OF IT IS .... THANKS
UK
USA - Hi everyone. I am so thankful to have come across this website. Thank you Erin's Mom for starting it, by reading some of the posts, I feel a bond with all of you. My son who is 23, had court yesterday to face his possession of heroin charge. His public defender suggested a pre-sentence investigation for him. The judge and the State's attorney agreed to it. John is now waiting to get interviewed by Parole and Probation to get things going. He too, has had a long battle with heroin. He did attend a 30 day rehab in the summer. It wasn't long after that he went back to hanging with his old friends who still use. He swears he is still clean. But I fear it is only a matter of time before he will be tempted and start using again. I think this whole drug charge woke him up some, but I don't know for sure. His attitude is the same as when he was using. I asked him if he had a choice to go back to a rehab again for good measure or go to jail, what would he chose. He said jail, that he doesn't need rehab anymore because he is clean. I can't figure him out. He has put us thru more hell, as you all can imagine. Anyway, I am glad I found this site to have people to talk to about all this. I don't know what will happened with this pre-sentencing investigation and all. He is due to be sentenced on Jan 7th. He has had no priors and this is his first drug offense, he go caught at anyway. He has been a user of pills and heroin for about three years now. Has anyone gone thru a similar situation like this or any thoughts, I would appreciate it. I have mixed feelings about jail time, at least he would be away from any temptation to use, but the probation, if he gets that would have to be very strict. If he can get away with anything, he will try it. That is just the way he is. The simpler and easy the rules the better and that will not help him a bit. he will need the probation officer to be on him constantly in order for him to straighten up. Please write me back anyone???? Thanks
Jean Doyle <reginabean@hotmail.com>
Elkton, Md USA - I came across your site this past September and wrote you about my daughter Molly. She ended up getting 30 days for probation violations and was sent to Purdy prison to do her time, where also she is on methadone to maintain her pregnancy On October 13,2004 prison put my daughter Molly on the bus to come home to me her mother..Molly spent 7 days with me and fiance' until the treatment survices I hooked my daughter with got temporary housing for her..Her baby is due this coming Sunday and we have made 3 trips to the hospital only to be sent home again false labor...Since my daughter can have her baby at anytime I have her stayin with me and I take her into town every morning for her methadone dose...As I right this my daughter is asleep here in the same room with me..Sometimes I think I am dreaming, but this is for real. Molly wants to wean off the mehtadone as soon as her baby is born..The home she will go into for 6 months, with her baby does not allow a mother whom is on methadone...At this point my concern is reality will set in and will it all be too much for Molly to handle. From the streets for the past years, having had no prenatel care to all of a sudden a mother raising her newborn. God opened all these doors up for my daughter. Its quite hard to deal with, and at this point I can only take my daughter one day at a time....I fear how Molly will react, to her own baby going through withdrawl of the methadone, as they will have to give baby morphine and valium...I know that I cannotput expectations on my daughter, but I just pray to God, this is it, and she will change her life around, and not return to the streets and her heroine...I thank my Lord everytime I look at my daughter.....a mother from Selah writes again.....
Cathy <gocathy@hotmail.com>
Selah, WA USA - i work with a coworker who lost her duaghter to a drug over dose i have years clean my self an feel erins story way to much.marie is there a number or hot line for my coworker who,s going thrue a tuff time right now it,s her first xmas with out her lorie please i,ll be ever so gratefull for someone she can talk with joe
joe <dannycue1@yahoo.com>
miami, fla USA - PIX FIXATION THATS ALL IT IS TAKE AWAY THE NEEDLE AND USE WOULD ALL BE STUFFED ........ THINK ABOUT THAT, WOULD U STILL WANT IT THAT MUCH IF THAT WAS THE CASE, BET U DONT EVEN NEED TO THINK ABOUT THE ANSWER
KEL
AUS - I'm sorry but I wasn't knocking methadone treatment ,if it works for them and makes them feel realitivly the so called "normal", then good luck to them, what are you on about ?
To tell you the truth I just found out this morning that a girlfriend 25yrs of age hung her self last night , she lest behind 3 children , one just 4 mounts old..... Her brother is just about to get married in 3 weeks, her death is drug related and even though i am so sadden by this I still can't understand her actions, and before u say anything that u dont know untill u have walked in "these" shoes , I have and I dont care what u or the next person says we all have choices and the choices we make represent the people that we are..... No matter how hard things get if u really want to u can turn things around..It is going to take time and a hell alot of heart ache emotionally and physically ..
uk
USA - I agree, do your research before passing any judgement. I have two sons who nearly lost their life to herion, because I, their mother was so against methadone. They are both currently on a methadone maintenance program with counseling that has literally saved their lives. Both are full-time employed, my oldest son is living on his own in his own apartment. Something he would have never had if it had not been for the methadone. You comment was it was "their choice to stick a needle in their arm" and you are correct, although you do not know the cycle of a herion addiction. It is not something you wake up one morning and say I'm just not gonna do it anymore, its more powerful then you or I will ever understand. Keeping an open mind and not judging a person is the best thing anyone can do. Do not look down upon a person who has sought help through methadone when all other methods have failed. Both of my children were in long-term and short-term facilities. This drug is truly the devil, it never leaves you alone one you tinker with it. Therefore, if methadone works, WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE!!!! Don't make a comment about this addition unless you have walked a mile (probably more than a million miles) in my shoes as a parent who has always been there for my children, never turned my back, and finally accepted metadone as an alternative treatment plan to save my children's lives!
Michele
PA USA - Dear UK You need to do some research on addiction before you judge anyone!
M
DE USA - Geez everyones story sounds some what similar to the next persons . I do not know how anyone can compare being a H addicted person to someone having cancer . It is nothing alike.
What all u addicts are forgetting is it was your choice of sticking a needle in your arm and it was your choice again to do it again and the time after that and so on .
I am sorry ,I do feel very sorry for you on your loss , and to anyone who has lost a loved one to H
It basically comes down to if you want to stop. Anyone can do anything they want to do , take it from me .
Dont say it is a disease what a load of crap a disease is something you have no way of preventing .
It makes me so mad to listen to people winge like they are the victoms and how society frowns apon them, what do they expect .
I have had my fair amount of bad luck and problems but I still get up for work every morning , I pay my morgage every month , I pay all my bills and yes i still go out and run a muck and do things that I shouldnt be doing but I know wher to draw the line and by reading a site like this I am happy that I have got a brain in my head and dont just choose to be a loser as like my father once told me anyone can be a loser , u dont even have to try ......
So come on guys if U really wanna make a go and get clean do it, stop talkin about it and sayin how hard it is , of course its hard
Life isnt meant to be easy its what u make it , u people have made H apart of your life and the lifestyle thatgoes with it.
The balls in your court , no one elses but YOUR OWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UK
USA - This website is no blessing to people who are in need of help. Sometimes it's like you want to shoot some dope. reading these accounts just makes addicts like me fanticize abouts the highs. the jab of a needle, the rape of a loved one. i want to tell the world how i feel, but there's no outlet. it ia too bad that Erin has passed, but a few must suffer for the good of the majority. My little sister passed on 3 years ago next month, from a heroin overdose. we used to shoot each other up in the neck, I loved that. those were the good times. we had a girl together that we got hooked on h too! it was fun, you know? You know thats love when it doesn't matter what they do, you just love the high too much. But there both gone now. And it still hurts so bad to jab my groin with a needle. Three years later, another daughter was born with my other addict sister. she was born with just three fingers on each hand. its going to be tough to manipulate the needle when she gets old enough to get high.
arnie p. <arniken87@npq.com>
hoover, NC USA - I am a 23 year old recovering addict. For 4 years I ruined my life and everyone who came in contact with me. I became addicted to Oxycontin and eventually moved to Herion. I always said I would never stick a needle in my arm, but at the end of my addiction I was doing just that. I was deffinitly didn't fit the stereotypical addict. I came from a very well rounded family, I was captian of the cheerleading squad, an artist, a college student, but no one knew I was a herion addict. I would steal from all those who loved me to support my habit. In the begining it was all for fun but when you have to wake up and do dope just to get out of bed in the morning it isn't fun anymore. After giving birth to my son I finally decided to get some help. I used everyday of my pregnancy and my baby was born perfectly normal. No sign of drug abuse, and I always say it's from all the praying I did everyday. After having Jaeden I began treatment at the local methadone clinic and I would recomend it to anyone. Many think it's just another addiction, I do not. It got me off of drugs, it blocks any withdrawl symptoms plus it blocks opiates so if you tried to use it would effect your body, I got back to college, got a job, became very active in my church, and most importantly I mended my broken relationship with my family. I might not be perfect and I have alot to work on, but I can deffinitly say drugs isn't one of those things. I've been clean for 2 years and I owe it to the methadone maintance. I recently began dropping my doseage at the clinic to try to live a life now clean from methadone. I began dropping 10 milligrams every other week and today I am on 40 milligrams from the 100 I was once on. If you are a parent or an addict trying to get the desperate help you need I strongly recomend the methadone program, and parents think of it this way, would you rather have you children running the streets, stealing, and possibly overdoseing, or getting in a program which rids lives of drugs along with weekly therapy, group and family therapy, and NA meetings. If you have insurance your methadone would be covered so you wouldn't pay a penny. I have my life back, my parents have their daughter back, my son has his mother back, and most importantly I have "me" back!
Robyn Qualk <qua3525@cup.edu>
Webster, PA USA - Where i live it seems like no matter who you talk to they no someone thats addicted to o.c or herion.But, it wasnt that long ago when my former best friend whos mother was addicted to it and it was the reason her mother wasnt around her whole life spoke of doing it with her boyfriend,who i started my addiction to cocaine with.so it seems like every where you go there going to be someone that may not try but, do end up taking you down!!!i'm clean now! my best friend & her boyfriend were last seen doped up in a kids basement drooling on eachother.
KaTiE
USA - Dear Marie, I lost my beautiful daughter, Melanie, on Oct. 30,2004. I can hardly make it through the day. She had become my best friend and had been struggling to stay clean for a month. We still do not know what killed her but we know in some way it was the result of heroin addiction. I am a friend of your brother Carl(he was my husband, Frank's best friend). I would love to talk to you. Please e-mail me at lsg1954@juno.com. Linda
Linda Gattuso <lsg1954@juno.ocm>
Elkton, MD USA - I stumbled upon this site being bored at work. I feel for all the families and friends that have dealt with this horrible drug. I was in a program in Western Samoa about 7 years ago for a lot of trouble I had gotten into over the years when I was a youth. I never had a drug problem but most of the kids there did. I had a good friend named George Johnson there. He lived in Richardson Texas. I have heard about the major heroin problem there. We kicked it every day for about 8 months in the program and then he went home. I MISSED THAT GUY. I got out a couple months after that. I was on the internet and somehow found his moms email address. Her and I communicated and I was told that he was having problems with drugs again. I had no idea it was heroin. I dont think she knew either. She informed me a month after we had been in contact that he had to leave his house because she had found his marijuana. I was going to go see him and I had told her that because I thought I maybe could help. I never even had the chance to meke plans with her to come down there. It seems like the next day I got an email from her explaining to me that he had died of a heroin overdose at a friends apartment he was staying at. I burst into tears when I heard read it. I could feel her pain through the email. He always told me how much he loved his mom and how she meant the world to him. I am tearing up just thinking about how it wrecked his mom and how I lost a good friend. I hate drugs. I miss my buddy. I miss that goofy Micky Mouse Tatoo on his shoulder. I miss his art work. I miss George! I hope all addicts find help and are able to kick the monkey. I wish the best for the Johnson family and hope all is well. Western Samoa Living Forever George!
Matt <matt2229@aol.com>
Atlanta, GA USA - I am living this hell at the moment.My beloved son is a heroin addict aged 23.I have done anything and everything to change things........and am at a loss.My heart goes out to you.May the LORD give you strength to carry on.You are living my nightmare.The pain of losing a child to this is indescribable.Rebecca.
Rebecca <RbccLew@aol.com>
Manchester, U.K. - i know how she fells i just buryed a 17 yera old my best friends son herion overdose and several months ago a good frien 31 jeffery scott herral left a new baby behind it is a terrble problem here in frederick md and totaly preventable rip robert burdette 17 kevin sr
kevin b parrotte sr <knobleeagle2003@yahoo.com>
frederick, md usa - Hi My name is Jessica. I am 16. i started doin herion 1 year ago. i tried it with a boyfriend and from there i went down hill. I also started smoking crack and doin H. I didnt know i was addicted until i was to the point of spending 100$ a day on my habbit. since then my addiction has no been as bad as it was,but after a while when i stoped talking to my b/f i was using alone. About 6 1/2 wks ago i was arrested on a warrart and i also caught another case. 5 bags. i was in jail for 3 weeks i spent one week at cook county and then i was transferd to a juvi for another 2 weeks. this friday i will be 7 weeks clean witch is the longest i have ever ever been clean of this drug. I crave everyday. I dream of the unforgetable feeling. i miss it, but i dont miss the old me. i stoped going to school when i was 15 and thought i could do it on my own. lived in the streets. did everything/anything i could do for this dream i wanted.i am now back in school...fighting my addiction everyday. I live about 20 mins away from chicago and i would get my shit off the streets. i pray to god everyday that i am blessed to still be alive and to be clearheaded for so long. ANYONE WHO IS TRYING TO STAY CLEAN~ it can be done..god bless all of you and pray that you can be blessed with a miracle and fight that dream.GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!! ****if anyone would like to talk please e-mail me.
Jessica <Buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
Chicago, Il USA - I am a heroin addict. I've been on the stuff now for nearly four years.I tried to give up crack about a year ago, but it was all for not!! But with drugs comes prostitution, and I love prostitution in a dark restroom in a bus station- sigh**! stealing helps keep the junk in my arm! I'm living a pretty normal life now. At the station all my hair was ripped out, I was bald, my head was repeatedly stamped on until I was nearly killed. My parents who I hadn't seen for ages were phoned up by the police to say I had been assaulted. It was more like gang raped! My mom said she had gone through enough pain, and to just take her out back and shoot her! some mom! She wanted me back at home, and was even willing to pay for my heroin on the condition that I stayed off the streets and allowed my parents to sodomize me! Wow! I now have a full time job and pay for the heroin myself. Theres not a day that goes by that I wish I could just erase it all. My mum took me to the Carribean last month for me to come off it. I did two weeks clean but as soon as I came back, heroin was all could think about so I had to go and get it again. If I could wake up tomorrow and have no knowledge at all about the guy i killed for my last fix, I would. But it's not that easy. When I think about the needle in my arm, I have to have it! I love it that much!
hawley H. <junk43@yahoo.com>
brand station, MD USA - i am sorry for what you went through, anh i will pray every night that nothing like that happens to any of the other heroin users, GOD BLESS you and your family.
nicole <ngarcia_54@yahoo.com>
CO USA - Erin's story is so close to that of my son, except my son has been given another chance. He is now 34 years old, and started into alcohol and drugs before he was 15. He has lost everything, but mostly he has lost himself. He is in a half-way house now after several detox and re-hab attempts and is trying again to stay clean. His mind, body, spirit is depleted. It breaks my heart that these wonderful young people are destroyed because they made the wrong choices when they were nothing but young teens. Everyday I fear that a call will come to us like the one that came to you from the coroner about your Erin.
Mom <starting.point@sbcglobal.net>
TX USA - i have continued reading what people have written on this site, and just want to say thank you to mrs. allen for making it. i have met a person who i found was in my shoes. it's always good to know that you're not the only person out there in the situation. and to be able to contact other people is great. i am a recovering addict myself.. i've been clean for 3 months and plan on continuing .. anyway thank you to all of the ppl who write on this page and share their stories, it's that, that gets some of us thru this... knowing that we have the support of others whom love us
anm
RS, md USA - This is an important website - thank you Marie, and my heart goes out to you, and the other people who have written in to this site. I know people who have been, and who are addicted to this drug and it is devastating. But for anyone out there who is addicted - i have also met people who have recovered and who have gone on to live healthy and productive lives. So don't give up. God bless.
suzy r.
australia - MRS ALLEN...HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE DOING OK..I POP IN AND OUT OF THIS WEBSITE FROM TIME TO TIME....THINGS ARE THE SAME HERE AS MY MIDDLE SON TRIED TO CASH A STOLEN CHECK AND ENDED UP IN JAIL FOR AT LEAST NEXT MONTH..SORRY TO SAY IT IS KIND OF A RELIEF AS I KNOW HE WON'T BE USING. AND THIS IS TO THE PEOPLE TRASHING "ADDICTS"..." DO NOT JUDGE THESE PEOPLE UNLESS YOU HAVE WALKED IN THEIR SHOES!" Never in a million years do they want to be like this...they were sucked in by the peer pressure and encouraging words of the "real killers....THE DRUG DEALERS! my prayers are with you all...lets just hope there is a MIRACLE..
dee
ma USA - Marie, I wanted to send you an email - but lost your email address. Please contact me at
kittyvalera11@netzero.com - I'm looking for a long-term rehab/halfway house follow-up. Dan's off heroin/methadone - ready for the long term follow-up - But we have no insurance. I was trying to get him into Fr. Martin's Ashley or Miromont - Let me know if you have any connections or ideas. Thanks! Kitty
Kitty Valera <kittyvalera11@netzero.com>
USA - I live with my boyfriend and he is a heroin addict. I have never met or been around this type of situation before, and i am not sure how to deal with it. It is very depressing to see such a wonderful person go through this mess and knowing that he is better than this is crushing my world. I dont go a day without thinking about him doing this but he doesnt do n e thing about it. I told him i was going to leave him if i found out that he was doing it again he promised that he would quit and no sooner than a week later he was high on it again, proving to me that he chose heroin over me, and that hurts really bad. Please give me some advice, i am scared and sad and angry all at the same time, what should i do?
Jen <Jenfalife@hotmail.com>
md USA - to get off herion and have a normal life. look up the drug called suboxone.you will thank me.its a wonder drug that came out last year. SUBOXONE.
anna <annatritta@aol.com>
staten island, ny USA - I happened to come across this site, and began to read through this...It is so sad that this evil is everywhere. This was supposed to happen to other people not you and I. But it does and at times we feel there is nothing we can do. Hi my name is Sandra, I am not an addict myself, but a daughter of a man who is. I am not sure what drugs my father was into but I do know that it landed him 10 to 15 in the federal prison. The worst part is that he isn't the only person in my life that battles these demons. My best friend, the entire group I hung out with in jr. and sr. high school. They have been in prison, rehabs, and even the e.r. but still they don't change. The minute they are free they go right back. It kills me inside it brakes my heart to see this. My little brother is caught up in it. The talks I give him to try to help they just aren't enough. To see what my dad is going through isn't enough to change their lives. I pray everyday that god helps these poor souls. I love my dad with all my being, I would die for his well being if it were possible. All we can do is be strong for them, pray for them, and to continue to love for them. They need us....
Sandra <bella_magestro@yahoo.com>
Beaver, PA USA - hi marie agian so sorry about your daughter.Its been 4 months now since my last post here and still no sign from mary she has since left the halfway house the first week there and i still find it hard to let go any how to all you addicts out there do you want to die or live think about it. drus will do just that or make you very old and sick. i myself tried pot many years ago only twice and i hated the feeling it gave me. dopey feeling.herion is ten times worst
Cause it kills your brain to steal lie cheat have no feelings for others even your parents all addicts think about is drugs and nothing else
Sell your soul mind and body to the devil is that what you want THINK ABOUT IT Never in my life have i even deal with a addict till i met my girl freind whom i did fall in love with for i did not know at the time she was clean what a wonderful women but in two months turn into the devil i know by my study drugs conquer the mind
she did a complete 360 in life treated my dirt but knowing she knows not what she diong drugs took over other wise we were a match im still hurt and will never forget her and my way back highschool freind that set me up with her he knew but i did not.GOOD FRIEND HA Trash that he is to hurt a good soul and heart for which i have gods gift to me in all I HATE DRUGS AND WHAT ITS DOING TO MARY BUT ALSO TO ALL YOU ADDICTS GOD BLESS YOU ALL BEAT THAT DEVIL. Any one that would like to email please feel free to
TED
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west spfld, m USA - I Am very sorry because i used todo it but i was not hooked on it and i can amangine what you are going though and i wish you all the luck to help move you on.
thanks reda
Reda <NA>
nampa , ID USA - Today I addiction has not progressed to where Erin's Did or has. I am 30 years old, come fromee a wonderful family that had enabled me, helped me turn my self into a full blown addict by the time I was 20. 2 pregnancys with gallstones did not help the OB Rxed Mepergan-Forte ( syn. MOrphine & phenagan) lost my first baby at 1 mo old to meningitis (BAC). now ive shot herion prob 3 or 4 times 1 of the times all night long IM a pretty chick and people are
happy to to get me trashed. It is so hard and I need methadone maint program bad.. jax metro being a single mom $12 a day i might as well go get some percocets or xanax. please help any one out there. Im sick!!!! and have a wonderful little boy who is suffering and learning how to become me or his father who suffers too and adds that Drink on top of that. PLS RESPOND!!! anyone
Annie <saltlife74@yahoo.com>
Jacksonville, FL USA - I have read Erin's story and many of the comments left by other readers. I am unable to stop the pain in my heart for all. My baby brother is a heroin addict. Has been for a few years. My family has tried to love him through it all believing that if we didn't give up on him he wouldn't give up on himself. We still love him but it gets harder and harder to see him and deal with him. He has stolen from most of the family,(money, checks, personal property,ect...) anything he can sell or trade. No one trust him. We all hold our pocketbooks when he shows up and keep our cars locked. He has called to try to get help. The last time he called was after he had tried to kill himself. He was told that he wasn't bad enough off yet to be accepted by the program. How bad off do you have to be?? We don't know where to look for help or what to do if there even is anything we can do. We know that he has to want help in order for things to ever change and we will never give up on him. He is Loved. Since he called to get help and they wouldn't do anything for him he has gotten worse. Everything has escalated, almost as if there is nothing to loose anymore. I too wait for that phone call. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for giving others like me a place to share what no one wants to hear. AC
Angel <fun4angel@surfglobal.net>
far north, VT USA - dear mrs. allen, i have just stumbled acorss Erin's site.. it's ironic b/c as i was going thru web pages i was on my cell phone with one of my friends.. and we were talking about an assemlbly that we had viewed at the Rising Sun Middle School when we were in 8th grade. then all the sudden i found Erin's site! i started reading it, and very quickly realized that this was the girl! this was the girl that our assembly was about. i just graduated from high school this year, so the assembly was at least 4-5 years ago, yet, it's still so fresh in my head. i remember it as if it were yesterday. i still remember you crying talking about your daughter, and i still remember the Pink Floyd song
anm
RS, MD USA - i'm sorry it's actully cats345@hotmail, i messed up, but, anyway, someone who runs this site please please please get in touch with me. thank you
cat <cat345@hotmail.com>
USA - I was wondering if someone who runs this website could contact me . I have an important question and can't figure out how to get in touch with the webmaster of this site.thanks,
cats234@hotmail.com
cat <cats234@hotmail.com>
USA - If we don't find a good half way home for my sister, she has to go to jail. I don't which if either will be better. If anyone has any suggestions for 3/4 or 1/2 way homes in Michigan or near there...that are affordable please e-mail me. tank you for your help and your stories. ~Terra
Terra <Haywot@msn.com>
USA - I am twenty years old and my identical twin sister is a heroin addict. I just moved to california from michigan two months ago. Not because i didnt' care, because i've tried everything i can think of to get to her and everytime i think she's clean, i find out that she's using...i had to leave. To take care of myself. I left my mom, she is single and finally got the courage to tell my sister she couldnt' stay there anymore...i know it was the hardest thing to do. We have strong faith and pray everyday. But my sister cried the day before she went to rehab for her fourth time in one year, and she said she was scared that she was going to be this way for ever. She was scared she would be just another junkie. I know she has so much potential and is beautiful and smart. I quess i'm writing to ask for prayers, or advice. Everytime the phone rings my stomach turns, i am just waiting for the call. I dont' want to lose my twin sister.
Terra <Haywot@msn.com>
San Francisco, CA USA - HEROIN JUNKIES SPREAD MISERY AND DESTRUCTION WHERE EVER THEY GO AND TO WHO EVER THEY MEET. PEOPLE ARE AFFRAID OF THEM. I GOT MUGGED BY ONE AND PRICKED BY "IT'S" SYRINGE............ A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH TO THEM ALL.
des malloy <desmalloy@aol.com>
USA - My Daughter's Father is a heroin addict. I have tried every wy to help him. He left me now. He believes I cheat on him and well whatever else he can acuse e of. I have only been faithful and a friend to him and he walked out on us. Now he wont call me and he shows up at the babysitter's home and they won't answer the door. I wil lose my childcare if he keeps this up. I dont know how to get over him. I hate this. He has been in a 30 day program and goes to a Methadone clinic. Any advice?
Melissa <melissav5@hotmail.com>
Norwalk, CT USA - i am very sorry for u n ur family. iwas addicted drugs for about 10yrs n to heroin for about 3yrs on n off i been to about 13 to 14 rehabs, and im in one now in fl it is called holistic i been here for about 17 days n im doing very good this is the happest i ever been yea its gets hard, but this place helps u find out y u did the drugs. n a couple weeks ago iwas about to kill myself by a overdoos. i thought i would never be happy n never get off heroin. now i know how to not run away frommy probles if u know people that is addicted to drugs dont ever give up on them bc if it wasnt for my mom i would be dead to. n yes she kick me out of her house she didnt bail me out of jail.that how u dont give up on them n help them i thought it wasnt but it is so dont bail them out dont keep them in ur house. get them in a treatment. n it took me 14 rehabs to start gettin my life in order n to star growing up. this a good rehab u guys should call it. bc no one wants to die from this. good luck everyone it works
dave <corcoran@hotmail.com>
hamburg, nj USA - im so sorry to hear this exspecialy knowing my father is a homeless herion addict in baltimore for 6 years now.
Strephen Wise <slwise@mail.com>
ridgely, md USA - I read these websites all the time and I wonder how many of these addicts would have walked in front of a bullet or a speeding car. Taking that first fix of heroin was preparing for just that. Getting slammed by a speeding car and being pronounced dead. I guess I am sick and tired of all the after math of that first fix. No one has a perfect life. No one has all the answers but not everyone turns to drugs such as heroin. I feel so much sorry because I lost my only child to heroin. I did not put that needle in his arm. I did not steal from his grandmother. I did not lie and cheat everyone who ever cared for him. I miss him every day but I am not making any excuses for him. He made poor choices and he paid the consequences. I am glad for anyone who is clean and sober but DUH get a clue. Do the drugs do the time and the sentence.
Carol Michael's Mom
Minneapolis, Mn USA - Methadone saved me and my babies life. It may not work for everyone but I have seen the good it can do.I have been clean 2 years. I fight my addiction everyday. It whispers to me at night hell I dream about it. Heroine is the hardest drug to kick..I know I have had problems with them all.I am alive today because I decided I wanted to live for me and my kids. But I also realize that relapse can be right around the corner, so I don't get too cocky. I lost a friend of mine that was only 18 years old recently. She took too much methadone and Xanacs together.She was also the mother of 1 year old twins. I hate what addiction does to you.
Kitty Stiltner <gunshine_74@yahoo.com>
NC USA - i'm so sorry for your lost. i went through methadone waited in the long lines. i felt mistreated at the clinics. it just didnt fit in with my work schedule, i figuer i keep using. im going down the same street with this H. i feel like my life is one big lie. thats all i think about all day, is dope when and how im going to get it, and i hate it . i miss the person i was! i wish i was never introduced to it. one more thing i work construction building casinos, one of fellow workers was leaving work and decied to stop in the portajhons on the site. he went in at 3:30 they didnt find him till the next morning. he od at 29. after seeing that im scared ! im going to get straight. i just feel my life is worth living. again sorry for your lost and God bless us all. me..
rock <www.rollinsamoan@comcast.net>
bronx, ny USA - I am so sorry for your lose. I am glad that I came across your page. I am also a heroin addict and have been for almost a year. On April 24, 2004 I had a friend that had never tried it and had money, I told him I could get him the best high ever. He agreed with hestitation, but I was very convincing. We got a hotel room and he tried heroin, We were holding each other and I thought he was in a nod the same as me. At some point he died in my arms and I didn't even know. I killed him and was to high to know. I have so much quilt over this and to deal with it I keep getting high. I HATE it!!! I want to stop but CAN'T !! Sometimes I think is the only way to find peace from heroin. I hope I am wrong....
debbie
billerica, ma USA - I pray for all of you who are addicted to this drug. In 1 month I managed to loose 3 friends to this drug.
Dan from Colorado
Boulder, USA - hi marie agian so sorry about your daughter
ive written here 5 or 6 times and this site you made is very good good job agian my story holds the same its been now 3 months now that my girlfreind went to a halfway house i had some one call there yesterday she has not reported back there since i droped her off i know she went there to exscape not for help when we broke up over a year ago she was going with a drug dealer hes now been arrested twice thank god and i know shes not with him but i still cant let her
out of my mind for i do love her but i know she knows not what shes doing drugs take over the mind she really hurt my soul by calling me 100 times from jail lied to me wanted to work things out then a ride to a halfway house now nothing but i knew all along her game i went along with it hoping i was wrong in my state and city police
arrested over 500 drug dealers big time ones and prositutes but still they are out there i would like to say to all addicts out there there is help out there not mettings clinics but one on one consuling and treatments centers that gaurentee success where you stay for 6 months and do not leave there till you show them your really clean to live the outside world clean meetings and such are not good cause your with other addicts in a bad form they even deal drugs there and all they talk about is drugs which give the other addicts ideas the other program i mention yes they talk drugs but also how to meet certain goals in a clean life not in na meetings
ive done study deeply on this because of my girlfriend any how god bless you all beat this devil put him where he belongs hell for good
ted
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west spfld, ma USA - I Used Heroin for ten years from 1987 to '97. Of coarse, most of my old usin friends are now gone.
I'm very sorry to hear about Erin, If I knew her- I'm sure she was an angel. Heroin is pure Evil.
Erin may have been Taken- But God has Her now...
For your lost one, I am sorry.
Robert
Long Beach , CA USA - My brother just died yesterday from a heroin overdose. I just don't understand he had 2 beautiful babies. He said he would not do it anymore and he had been in the state prison and we thought he was doing good and he got out on Monday night and Overdosed on Tuesday morning. I just don't understand. I just wonder if anyone knows if it hurts. I want to know the truth of whether he was in pain or not??
Tanya Sorensen <tanyasorensen1977@yahoo.com>
Ind USA - I would to send my sympathy to Erin's family. I lost my boyfriend august 28, 2004 due to herion. He was recovering since he got out of jail in may. He seemed to be doing so well. but some how slipped. I was with him the night before he died and woke up to a phone saying that he was gone. I was in disbelief and sometimes still am. I truly wish that the government would do something to get this drug off the streets or have more help available.so that people are aware of this evil drug that is taking peoples lives unnecessarily. Thank God for the peace that he has been able to give me. he was a good person but the devil got the best of him. please keep me in prayer. and mya God bless you
skylah <skylah56@hotmail.com>
Danielson, Ct USA - I would to send my sympathy to Erin's family. I lost my boyfriend august 28, 2004 due to herion. He was recovering since he got out of jail in may. He seemed to be doing so well. but some how slipped. I was with him the night before he died and woke up to a phone saying that he was gone. I was in disbelief and sometimes still am. I truly wish that the government would do something to get this drug off the streets or have more help available.so that people are aware of this evil drug that is taking peoples lives unnecessarily. Thank God for the peace that he has been able to give me. he was a good person but the devil got the best of him. please keep me in prayer. and mya God bless you
skylah <skylah56@hotmail.com>
Danielson, Ct USA - God bless Erin. Theresa, if you are reading this, and i am sure that you are, I just want you to know that I miss you very much and you are always in my thoughts. Please email me if you get this. Love, your ol' friend Tim
Tim il <phillyediting@hotmail.com>
Phila, PA` USA - I'M SO SORRY,
MY DAUGHTER STEPHAINE (20) HAS BEEN USING HEROIN,SMOKING ICE, SHE IS NOW 85 POUNDS (WET) AND WILL NOT SEEK HELP. MY GRANDBABY HAS BEEN LIVING WITH ME FOR 4 MONTHS STRIGHT AND SHE HAS SEEN HIM 2 TIMES, I NEED HELP I DON'T NO WHERE TO START SHE GET'S ON THESE KICKS WHERE SHE NEEDS TO BE A MOM AND THAT I'M THE BAD ONE SAYING I'M KEEPING SHE FROM HER SON . LILMAN IS 13 MONTHS SHE MISSED HER FIRST MOTHERDAYS HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY HIS FIRST TOOTH AND HIS FIRST STEP. I LOOK AT MY STEPHAINE SHE CAME OVER ON 09/06/04 WITH ONE OF HER GIRLFREINDS SHE CAME IN AND STARTED PACKING UP SOME THING FOR LILMAN AND SAID SHE WAS TAKING HIM THE THE NIGHT,OUT OF THE BLUE NO PHONE CALL FOR 4 WEEKS AND SHE JUST WANTS TO TAKE HIM I WOULD NOT LET HER SHE SAID THAT LOUIS (BABY DAD) 32 BEEN MARRIED 2 TIMES HAS 2 BOYS WITH ONE AND A GIRL WITH OTHER DOES NOT PAY HIS CHILDSUPPORT,OR HOLD DOWN A JOB JUST FOUND OUT HE HAS WARRENTS OUT FOR. HE TOLD HER YOU DONT BEEN THE BABY HERE FOR ME TO SEE I'M LEAVING AND NOT COMING BACK. I TOLD STEPHAINE I WILL DRIVE YOU AND LILMAN TO IRVING LET LOUIS SEE LILMAN,( I TOOK MY SON (19) WITH ME IN CASE THE WAS ANY TROUBLE. WE GOT TO SOME RUN DOWN APT. AND HE'S LAD UP ON THE COUCH SEEN ME GOT MAD, WANTING TO NO WHY SHE BROUGHT ME THERE SCARED I WAS GOING TO CALL THE POLICE ON HIM, ME AND HIM HAD OUR WORDS AND THEN HE STARTED CRYING TOLD ME STEPHAINE NEEDS HELP ( YOU JUST NOW SEEING THAT)BUT HE'S THE ONE GETTING HER THE DRUGS, AFTER ALL THAT WAS SAID AND DONE TOLD STEPHAINE HE WASING LEAVING THEY BOTH SAT ON THE COUCH HOLDING LILMAN HE WANTS TO GET DOWN AND WALK AND PLAY BUT THERE TO MUCH STUFF EVERY WHERE FOR HIM TO GET IN TOO. A GUY KNOCK ON THE DOOR CAME IN WITH HIS GIRLFREIND AND LIL BOY MAYBE 3 YEARS OLD THEY TOOK TURNS GOING TO THE BATHROOM BY THIS TIME I'M GATHERING LILMAN THING UP AND CHANGED HIS DIAPER THEY SAID THEY HAD TO LEAVE, KISSED LILMAN AND WALKED OUT I STOOD THERE NOT KNOWING WHO APT I WAS IN AND HAD 3 STAIRS TO CLIAM DOWN WITH HIM AND EVERYTHING SHE PUT IN THE DIAPER BAG I LEFT THE DOOR UNLOCKED (DID'NT HAVE A KEY) NOW YOU TELL ME FOR OVER 3 HOURS FIGHTING WITH MY DAUGHTER OVER LILMAN BUT IN A FLASH THERE GONE AGAIN. LAST NIGHT MY MOM AND ME STAYED UP TILL ABOUT 3:45 WITH HIM CRYING FOR THIS MOMMY AND DADDY HOW CAN ANYBODY JUST FORGET ABOUT THERE BABY LIKE THAT. I'M A 38 YEAROLD (GRANDMOTHER)
HAVE TWO MORE TEENS AT HOME 15 AMBER 19 RONNIE MY MOTHER GREATGRANDMAL MY HUBBY AND IT TAKES ALL OF US TO TAKE CARE OF LILMAN I'M GOING TO FIND OUT IF THEY ARE GOING TO DO WHAT THEY SAY. I'M GOING BACK OVER THERE LATER TODAY HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO TALK TO HER ABOUT GOING IN TO DRUG REHAB AND THAT HE WOULD TURN HIS SELF IN TO GET LEAGAL SO HE CAN GET A JOB TRY TO BECOME A FAMILY SO PLEASE PRAY FOR MY LILMAN AND ME. I NEED SOME INFO ON GETTING TEMP CUSTODY OF HIM SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRIE ABOUT THEM COMING AND TAKING HIM FROM US.CAN SOMEONE HELP?
Winona <sunflower8144@aol.com>
Dallas, TX USA - I just came across this because I was searching and feel very alone. My son is now in Rehab for Heroin addiction. If I even started to write what I have been through some people would say oh, you are lieing. I want nothing more than to have my son back and for him to be whole again and functioning in society. He has family support and he is loved so much. When I read Erin's story and Marie's story, it was almost like I had written it my self and I cried. I want nothing more than this to be a help, for my son. I would love to correspond with other Parent's that have been through this type of horrible addiction. Please, feel free to email me... Everybody out there pray for all addicts, they all want help but do not know where to grasp, and where to turn...
Linda Bladek <lily@ntcnet.com>
little falls, ny USA - HI MARIE AGIAN SORRY AGAIN THANK YOU FOR THIS SITE FOR ALL OF US WHO HURT FROM THIS MONSTER THAT HURT OUR LOVE ONES WHEN I WAS MARRIED AND GOT MY DIVORCED I GOT OVER IT BUT THIS ONE SEEMS TO LINGER ON SHES BEEN GONE TO THE HALF WAY HOUSE
NOW FOR TWO MONTHS AND NOT A WORD FROM HER WHEN SHE WAS IN JAIL SHE CALLED ME A HUNDRED TIMES THEN WHEN SHE FOUND OUT I COULD NOT HELP HER GET OUT OF JAIL SHE JUST TURN THE PAGE GAVE HER MONEY
MY HOME IF SHE WANTED TO STAY AND MORAL SUPPORT
BUT SHE JUST PLAIN STOMPED ON IT WHEN I HAD DROPED HER OFF THAT DAY SHE SAID DONT MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS I SAID NOTHING THEN HELP HER WITH HER THINGS THEN SHE SAID THANK YOU AND ILL CALL YOU OR WRITE YOU SHE HAS NOT DONE SO ALSO SHE HAD CHANGED HER MAILING ADDRESS TO MINE
AND I STILL GET HER MAIL COULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHY IS IT THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LET KNOW ONE KNOW HER WHERE ABOUTS I HAD WROTE HER A LETTER TO THE HALFWAY HOUSE AND TOLD HERIM HER FOR HER ONLY IF SHE WANTS ME IF NOT IWISH HER THE BEST OF LUCK AND ALSO ASKED HER WHY SHE LEAD ME ON TO BELIVE SHE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT AND I WAS PLAIN ABOUT IT AND SAID SHE LIED AND FELT HURT
BUT I STILL LOVE HER AND KNOWING SHE DONT CARE ABOUT MESHE PROBLL FORGOT MY NAME WOW THIS SMELLS LIKE A DEAD RAT YOU KNOW I CAN LOOK AT SOMETHING IN MY HOME ANYTHING HERE AND IT REMINDS ME OF HER CANT SEEM TO LET GOWHY IS THAT
MAYBE CAUSE IM REAL LONELYBUT I ALSO SAW THE GOOD PART IN HER WHEN SHE WAS CLEAN GOD ONLY KNOWS WHATS SHE UP TO NOW I HAVE CONNECTIONS HERE
IN MY CITY AND SHES BEEN SEEN BUT NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET SHE MAKES ONE BAD MOVE SHE WILL BE BACK IN JAIL SO I THINK SHE KEEPING A LOW PROFILE
THEY DO THAT IM TOLD THEN THEY WILL COME OUT IN THE OPEN AND USE AGIAN ITS A MATTER OF TIME NOT MATTER WHERE THEY AREI FEEL FOR EVERYONE HERE THAT HURTS CAUSE WE ALL HAVE GOOD HEARTS TO TOLERATE THIS GAINT HEAD GAME AND ONE DAY BEAT THIS MIND ALTERING DEVIL GOD BLESS YOU ALL I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM ANYONE SO WE CANT VENT AND HELP ONE ANOTHER
TED
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west springfield, ma USA - I am very sorry for your loss. Wish I had words that could help.
D. Marc <dmarcan100@aol.com>
downers, IL USA - I've just revisited your web site and wonderred if my mom was going to be telling that I wrote to you about 2 months ago about my boyfriend who is a heroin addict. Around that time my boy took me out of Philly to his home in kent. I have been living there for the past year. Although most people will say you can find it anywhere, he picked a pretty good spot where we could not find it. this has presented quite a problem. I recently received news that my mom is dying of hepititus c and moved back in with my parents in Philly. I have been here three weeks and it is tough. For one they have my mom on Oxycontin and just knowing that makes me crave the shot. But I can't help but think how after a year of not having it, I can want something that in six months completely destroyed my life. I keep thinking I want to try it just once and I can handle it. I am an intelligent person. I thank god for my boy. He will be here in one week from kent, and hopefully will bring the goods and a clean needle. who knows where I would be without him. It was by reading this that kept me hooked on the wonderfull high, and the jab of a dirty needle. my boy was clean for about two weeks and just up and left one day and got high. It's so hard and i was soo jealous! i really thought this was it. The fact that he left has crushed me and left me with such a bitterness in my heart and such a desire toward this drug. I think ill shoot up! cheers!
jay kenpher <jay33@hotmail.com>
kent, OH USA - i cant believe the feeling from my first shot! wow! im going to do this forever!
allison p. <allp@het.net>
dayton, oh USA - I am so very for the loss of anothe addict who couldn't stay clean long enough to see the miracle happen. My brother passed away last year in Mach at the age of 26. I am clean and on the Hep. C treatment and the needles I have to use sometimes make me want to go back out but then I remember what happened to my brother Christian. My son Michael age 19 is now in a treatment facility and I hope he can make it this time. He's been in 3 other before the age of 19. I myself overdosed at lest 4 times some were because I didn't want to live that way anymore and the others were because I just overdid it. I go to meetings reguarly and it's saving my life because I want to live today!!!!!! I want to show my kida that there is a better way of life. Rest in Peace friend and to my brother may he also rest in pease!
shellyann DeMarco <Eclipsa63@mns.com>
Southington, ct USA - I just wanted to say no matter who you are you are the only one who can make the choice of not using. I was addicted to Heroin i lived on the streets i stole begged and did anything to support my habit. Those of you who are still trying to help your son or daughter don't give up. It was my parents unconditional love for me that helped me come clean. I have been clean for 3 years now have recently got married to a wonderful man in the military an have custody of my daughter back. It can be done!! God Speed...
Stephanie H. <stephaniemazzei@yahoo.com>
Bremerton, Wa USA - I am so sorry for you and your family. My 22 year old son, David has had addiction problems for about 10 years now. He has been addicted to heroin on and off for about 3 years. He's not doing well and I prepare myself everyday... It's very hard to feel so out of control when trying to help someone you love with this addiction. I cry everyday and mourn him everyday, knowing at any moment I'll be getting that call. He's been in so many rehab's..He's done some time in jail. I just want to see my real son one more time, it's been a long time now with all the lying and stealing and manipulating...I pray all the time he finds God to help him with his addiction. Linda
Linda <hitman22@earthlink.net>
Hamburg, nj USA - I just got through printing out the story of Erin to send to my 21 yr. old daughter whom was just put into King County Jail this last Friday.9-3-2004.I have dealt(?) with my daughter's heroin addiction for many years now...I always prayed she would never get pregnant..She is now over 6 months pregnant, and at a couple months along she went on the methadone program....That did not last very long..It is very painful, beyond emotional when your daughter calls you collect and tells you I know just the right amount of heroin to take when I miss my methadone doses so I don't loose my baby...I came to the conclussion that like your daughter my daughter even with a life growing inside of her cannot or will not quit her heroin use....My daughters father has basically wiped his heands of her and thee only ones in this world my daughter has is her brother and my parents. I basically begged my daughters Probation Officer to please keep her in jail now at least until she gives birth to my grandaughter..My daughter had called me the day before she was put in jail wanted me to come pick her up in Seattle and bring her home to detox have the baby then telling me to give the baby up for adoption..knowing she had a warrant for her arrest... I notified her COC and that evening they went and arrested my daughter where she was waiting thinking I was going to pick her up. How more painful could it get? Loosing not only my daughter but now my grandaughter..Almost 2 yrs; ago when my daughter got out of prison after spending one year in for assualting a pregnant lady with a knife, then she said she would never do anything to go back..Then when she got out of prison my fiance' and I fixed up a room spent money on a gun cabinet,as she is a felon I bought her anything I thought she would or might want..That lasted 3 weeks and ended with her stealing my new digital camera and my fiance's car in the middle of the night, which was found where it broke down on the freeway near Seattle WA. 4 hours away from my home.
How does one go on??Only by God's grace and love am I able to endure these past 10 yrs. and now I am faced with a helpless unborn grandchild whom is lucky to be alive still in my daughters womb.I even thought of writing Dr. Phil or Ophra Winfrey, not being rich enough to put my daughter into a secured treatment center, but what it boils down to is my daughter wanting to change and quit....When she was first on her methadone the few times we talked on the phone she sounded so out of it, and I thought this is just another narcotic and a legal way for my daughter to use drugs. You did everything that you could to help your daughter. What more can we do when they don't want to quit?.I feel like I have to do something more, so I know in my heart I tried everything...I have done so much research on heroin addiction that I almost feel like I know too much...For 2 yrs. I used cocaine, snorting it...That was 14 years ago....So I know if you truly want to quit you can..When I did use I never was around my 2 kids, thank God.The only time I sleep well is when I know my daughter is in jail..I know your pain and I thak you for sharing Erin's story...
May God Be With You Sincerely Cathy from Washington State
Cathy <gocathy@hotmail.com>
Selah, WA. USA - My condolences are with you. I am married to a recovering heroin addict but we're separated now due to his addiction. I think thats the best thing for him, myself, and our beautiful 7 month-old child. Maybe you can send some experience, strength, and hope my way. Again, my greatest condolences to you and your family.
Mandi
Mandi <msk144@yahoo.com>
Danville, PA USA - I'm so sorry for what your family went through. I have just found out that my daughter is using heroin. It breaks my heart. Please take care and try to remember the good.
thora <tafrihart@aol.com>
USA - Hi marie,
I have been clean from heroin for 2 years now, and besides leaving it behind, I left my best friend too, Natasha. She and I would do heroin together for years, last night I got a phonecall to say that someone had seen her selling her clothes on the street and prostituting herself to the dealers. I have been sitting with fear and sadness in my heart ever since... to just know that the drug takes control of your personality and desire to be free , it is so frightnening, I wish all heroin addicts could read your daughters story and just listen... I wish it could be printed on every billboard. I wish my friend could read what Ive just written and have faith in life and love... I just wish....
Monica <innovation@junctionmedia.co.za>
Cape town, South Africa - Looking for a narconon meeting came upon this site had to read. My deepest sympathy goes out to you! I know what a horrible thing this addiction is,as my own daughter is going through this very same thing. She is raging and there is nothing we can do. She herself is a mother and Thank God we have her son. At least he is safe!!Reading your daughters journal has enlightened me a little on the curse. Thank You for sharing this with all of us
God Bless You and your family
Chris <koo22@msn.com>
bridgewater, ma. USA - HI MARIE IM BACK AGIAN AND AGIAN SOORY FOR YOUR
FOR I KNOW YOUR HEART IS BROKEN FOR MY IS ALSO IM HERE AGIAN TO TELL YOU AND ALL OTHERS THAT MY RESEARCH HAS PROVEED SOMETHING ILL TELL YOU WHY JUST ABOUT A HOUR AGO MY NEPHEWS GIRLFREIND SAW MARY IN OUR CITY WHERE DRUGS ARE PURCHASE AND LIKE I SAID I BROUGHT HER TO A HALFWAY HOUSE ITS A HOUR DRIVE FROM HERE I ALSO FOUND OUT THAT ADDICTS SNEAK OUT FROM HALFWAYHOUSES OR GET THERE TIME AWAY BUT STILL USE DRUGS SOME RETURN
WITH DRUGS IN THIER BLOOD IF THAT HAPPENS THEY GET TOSSED OUT CAUSE THEY GET TESTED I KNEW SHE WOULD DO THIS CAUSE ITS SO MIND ALTERING NOTHING ELSE MATTERS TO ADDICTS
I LOVE HER BUT SHE LOVES DRUGS AND I CANT DEAL WITH THAT I NEED TO VENT AND THIS IS THE PLACE AGIAN GREAT JOB ON YOUR SITE KMOW MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS GOD BLESS YOU I ALMOST WENT TO SEEK HERE BUT I STOP MYSELF CAUSE I DONT NEED TO GET MYSELF ARRESTED IN THOSE ERAS SHES SUCH A GOOD PERSON WHEN CLEAN BUT IT ONLY LASTED 2MONTHS FOR MY SHE WAS IN JAIL 90 DAYS NOW OUT AND IN 1 MONTH BACK ON THE STREET WOW GOD PLEASE HELP HER AND EVERYONE THAT HAS THIS ADDICTION GOD BLESS EVERYONE LETS BEAT THIS DEVIL
TED
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
westspfld, ma USA - It's all abouts the highz!
teddy p. <tdeel3@nap.com>
boston, MA USA - How do I deal with the deception?!?
stef <stefhowell@hotmail.com>
Cincinnati, OH USA - I'm so sorry to hear you stories. I am on this website because my father died from complications due to Hep C in 1999. The autopsy showed methadone present in his blood. It was then shared with my brother and me that my father, my sweet, responsible father, had been living a secret life of heroin abuse. So, from time to time, I try to learn more about what others go through.
Stef <stefhowell@hotmail.com>
Cincinnati, OH USA - I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. I too have a great loss. My son is in a long term facility due to drugs. I pray that some day he will be free of the bars and the urge to ever do drugs agin. Let's continue to hold fast to what we believe in and trust in the Lord who made heave and earth. Prayer is the key,and faith unlocks the door. My son WILL someday be FREE!
There is not a day go by that I don't think about my son, nor a day goes by that I don't think about somebody else child who has been robbed of their freedom, family, jobs and friends.
Stay focus on what God can do.
Diane
Diane Jemison <jemison3582@aol.com>
Munford, AL USA - I am lookin for someone to talk to to help me understand heroin addiction and give me advice about my boyfriend who was an addict for 5-6 years. I need someone to relate to because somedays I feel like I am loosing my mind with the worrying...
Anne Marie <adamandanne>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Just wanted to add my condolances to you on the loss of your dear daughter. It makes me so sad to read your story. I have a son addicted to alcohol. He is currently in a long term facility. It is a terrible curse whether it be drugs or alcohol. My prayers are with you and your family. Love, Marge
Marge <mwalsh472@aol.com>
USA - I live in the same area as Erin's Family. Herion has ripped through our community and family. Alcohol and Cocaine run a close second. I pray for all addicitons everyday. The addicts and their family and friends.
NB
Rising Sun, md USA - hi marie agian i want to say thank you for writing back to me it meant so much to me and you did a wonderful thing creating this site and im still WORRIED about mary drop her off at a half 3weeks ago teusday have not heard a thing from her i find my self buying a news paper cause im worried the she might over dose she also like i said wrote me from jail and lead me on to belive she wanted to get back toghter and change but agian when she felt she could not get no where with me her tune change and stop calling me then agian wanted a ride to a halfway house she was so confused i felt it and her response from me at first she gave me a big hug then got cold i wonder if thats mixed feelings or the drugs talking in her letters from jail she said that i have a good heart and soul and i was good to her till things got mixed up of course DRUGS AND ALL THE SYMTOMS LAZY MOODY SLEEPING WHILE IN A FANCY RESTURAUNT WITH ME GAVE ME THE EXCUSE THAT SHE COULD NOT HANDLE MY MOOD SWINGS BUT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID FOR HER HER LAST STATEMENT TO ME WAS SHE WANTED NO LOVE AFFAIR BUT I STILL DONT BELIVE THAT CAUSE DRUGS ARE IN THE WAY BUT WHO KNOWS MAY BE SHE COULD BE GETTING BETTER THERE BUT I STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS AND IF SHE IS THATS GOOD BUT IM STILL AFRAID IVE LOST HER AND I CANT SEEM TO EXCEPT THAT CANT AMAGINE IF SHE DID OVERDOSE HOW I FEEL I WAS TOLD BY DRUG CONSELORS LET HER BE AND GO ON WITH MY LIFE I GO ON WITH MY LIFE BUT I MISS HER SO MUCHI WAS MARRIED 20 YEARS AND LOVE MY WIFE DEARLY BUT MARY GOT SOMETHING IN HER HEART THAT I FEEL SHE CANT LET OUT DOWN DEEP
I FEEL SHE STILL LOVES ME EVEN THOUGHT I THINK NOT I COULD BE ALL WRONG BUT THATS HOW I FEEL COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME FEED BACK ON THIS I LOVE HER SO MUCH GOD BLESS YOU MARIE AND YOUR ALSO IN MY PRAYERS TO AND YES I HAVE TURN THIS OVER TO GOD HES THE POWER THANKS AGAIN
TED
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west springfield, m USA - I just read one of the submits to the site and it was a girl who had a boyfriend addicted to heroin who wanted help for him. That was me a year ago, looking for an answer to hep C and heroin addiction. Shane stayed sober from heroin for a long time when we first started dating (around 6 mos.) he was drunk as all hell. But then we broke up and things changed and then we got back together. He was using on only occasion so then i started. long story short we lost everything material that we owned. Because we liked dope and only because of that. Im trying so hard to get shane to stop or to at the least slow down but he wont, not for anything. So many people have told me that i need to leave him, for myself and to give him a wake up call. If i left him everything would turn around for me, i know that and he knows that. But how do you leave the one you love. Hes not just a boy i fell for. there is a reason we're together, the stars lined up for us. Right now the hard part for me is leaving shane not heroin. How do you leave your future husband, the future father of my children. One day i want to smile at eachother when we know thats the house to buy, the ring, the right RV, the right school for our child. How do you leave that dream? But on the other hand how do you watch him die? god, please let me go first. Right now i sit here with 3 bumps on my body from misses and one vein left. Im watching the love of my life slowly disappear. Right now i need a miracle, Because i refuse to watch him die.
Emily
seattle, wa USA - Dear Marie, thank you so much for this website and thank you to all the precious people who have posted here. My 18 yr old son is headed home as I write from Seattle where he relapsed today. He became hooked on heroin when he was 15, as a runaway. We've spent the last 9 days getting him through withdrawals awaiting a bed in a treatment facility. Shane's dad died at the age of 33 of a heroin overdose when Shane was just 8 months old. I visited Duane in the funeral home (thankfully, a more compassionate place than what you, Marie, experienced) and I remember vividly the feel of his cold lifeless arm and how I tried to warm it with my hand... the fear of visiting my son in a similar place lives with me daily. I really don't think he's "hit bottom" yet, and was able to get through the last 9 days with the help of an opiate blocking drug he bought from a friend on the streets. He is an incredibly bright and charming young man who now continually lies, cheats, steals, manipulates, and bullies to get what he wants (needs?). I was encouraged to read from so many addicts here how these postings inspired them to get help. I hope to print this out for my son. And I pray that all of you who are battling this demon will find the faith and the confidence that you can WIN!!!! I would encourage parents of children whose parent/s were lost to a drug overdose to begin educating your children young on the dangers of drug use. I thought since their father was not around during their upbringing that they would not be exposed to that world...I did not know my children would be "predisposed" to drug/alcohol addiction. Shane is addicted to both.
Linda M <mamalinda777@yahoo.com>
Federal Way, WA USA - Mrs Allen... This week "both" my sons are away in a 30 day detox. They are very young 17 and 19...I thought I would be relieved when they were put away..but I am not. All of us that are writing are looking for "permanant solutions", but we know there are few. Usually the detox and rehabs last 5 to 8 days then they kick you out and say you did your "protocal". I wish they could catch all these drug dealers and put them away for "murder", because that is what they are doing to our families. I know all of these people on heroin had a choice not to try it....but obviously there is no going back. I too agree with the person who wrote about doctors prescribing "Suboxone", that if they get the dose correct there may be that little help to get people to stop the urge from using. I speak to my sons daily as they call collect frequently, and I am happy that they are clearheaded for the time being and pray that they stay that way when they get home. The coping is not easy and I wish the miracle would happen for all of us that are dealing with this horrible demon. Thank you for having this site for us to vent.
deana <deana91262@aol.com>
USA - I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. It always happens to the best of us. I'm 19 years old and have been on heroin for six years going on seven. I just can't kick it, i don't know what to do anymore. I f you can help me in anyway i would be so thankful. Once again i'm so sorry to hear about Erin. Magi
Magi <luv_the_mollys@yahoo.com>
Kittanning, Pa USA - I was in high school at cb east when you came to tell us about erins story. I remember crying and thinkiing it was so sad but the possiblity of it happening to me was slim. At the time i was only 16 and my best friend all through school was addicted to heroin but i just didnt talk to her anymore. Well not long after you came to our school my life turned for the worst. I started getting high and every time i got high i thought of all the pain it had put you through. But for some reason i never had concern for how my parents felt. I dont know what they would do if they lost me to an overdose. I understand all of erins pain. I too would go to philly everyday and put myself in great danger. I eneded up living down there for 2 years. I just recently came home and went to detox. So far i have been clean. But i just wanted to let you know that after hearing your pain at an assembly in high school a day never went by that when i got high i didnt think the pain you felt and it made me think of my parents. But i truly am thankful for you sharing your story with my school. I never would have thought that 3 years downt he road i almosted overdosed too. But really i think your strength to tell erins story helped me to get clean. Thank you so much.
Julia <juls6784@aol.com>
New Hope, pa USA - hi marie
thank you for responding nice to hear from you.
You know my girl friend is now in a halfway house
but with the resaarch ive done on halfway houses
mettings at churches with other addicts is proven a high rate of relaspe because thats all they dicuss DRUGS on the positive side are programs that cost real money and have 80 percent success rate and if you dont they put you back for free when she live with me she was clean 2 months then it aLL STARTED when she went to meetings she relasped she came home that night
crying and looked awfull eyses half shut and drawn thats when i became real smothering cause i tried to help but it made it worse but any how as you read my post she went back to it full time
and got arrested and to my surprize only got 90 days she has a police record as long as my arm
but i seen her good traits clean thats why i love her she dont love me i know this she got to love herself first and even thogh shes living
i feel shes headed for death i dont wish that but
all i think about is her and im hurt knowing she could car less about me but i do know if i had drugs for her she would have come here but no way will that ever happen im a proud dad 3 aduldt kids married and doing well but im determine to find a way to beat this mind altering devil for i feel for everyone who has this addiction devil DRUGS and i wish everyone
well for all addicts if you read this post dont let this devil in your heart GET HELP DONT TALK TO OTHER ADDICTS SEE A PROFESIONAL ITS WORKS OTHER ADDICTS DONT CUT THE CAKE GET ITive dealt with this so i know and seen it with my own eyes
god bless you all
ted
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west springfield, ma USA - thank you for this page and this opportunity...my husband overdosed 3 months ago. He was 52 years old. We have a 6 year old son. when he was a teenager he was addicted to heroine - and teh got clean...I met him in law school 25 years later and fell in love with him and married him...I don't know what made him start using again - after 30 years! I dont know what happened. I am so heartbroken. I went home 3 months ago and found him dead. All his dreams done with Everything over. And our son missing him so much. And me missing him so much. And there's nothing but this unfathomable saddness.
marisa
marisa <msteffers@yahoo.com>
USA - i happened to stumble upon this site thinking of my very good friend and the love of my life who overdosed on heroin in july. i saw a posting from his brother on here and i hope he comes back to read this. matthew talked to me for hours about how proud he was of you guys,saying that when he looked and B he could see in your eyes that you just "know" saying just being in your presence calmed him and made him mellow.and J how suave and handsome you were so proud of your future plans for being a dr. matthew was so ashamed he had left you guys for so long and i am so overwhelmed by sorrow for him and you all i dont even know what to say. i loved him with all my heart and soul. and i still do. i dont think anyone but him will ever understand how much. i grew up with him, almost half of my life was with him. and now he is gone for ever and i feel so empty. i loved you boys too, like my brothers. and i know without a doubt matt is still around us looking out for all of us.and i know deep in my heart no matter how much it hurts to know i will never talk to him again, that he is in a better place, with his father and he is ok. i can stop being scared and worried for him. one of our last conversations was of him talking about dying and being in heaven with his father and him saying to me that he prays to god to see me there and when he does he is never letting me go again. and i believe that.i hope you guys are ok. and your mother too. take care of yourselves and each other. love, kristi
kristi
knoxville, tn USA - once agian im here to say sorry about your daughter im here to suppoprt any one that has problems with thier love ones on drugs i to wrote in before about my girl freind which drugs
took her brain and crushed it all thses addicts
thinkk about is drugs NOTHING ELSE THEY HAVE NO FEELINGS THEY HURT YOU LIE TO YOU STEAL CHEAT KILL and and plain just dont care but they will ask for you help with money rides with a acuse they need help half way houses rehabs clinics but that all lies cause if they want they can help themselfs but most wont ive done reasarch so much on this the many conselors i spoke to said i should have been one because the girl i love i do love her but it hurts so much that she could care less im determine to find a way to help all concern with this devil and i pray god will help me acomplish this goal never have i use drugs and never will and i know by my faith that this devil will pershis cause the lord promise but when please god soon pu this mind altering drug to hell and keep it there let the devil use it die overdose choke vomit and tremble
any one if you would like to email with any ideas
or if i can help ill do my best for all concern god bless
ted
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west springfield, ma USA - Marie, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am that you are willing to share the story of Erin's struggle. I too am a heroin addict, struggling to stay clean. Erin's story has really opened my eyes and made me realize what I have to do. I'm glad to have read the story, but I am truly sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. God bless, Chyla
Chyla <cjschank@yahoo.com>
Fulton, IL USA - I am very sorry about your daughter. My brother Beau overdosed on heroin 3 years ago this Wednesday. He was 19. My parents took the same approach as you did, Beau went through many different rehab programs. He was on his way to jail too, he and a friend had robbed some people for drug money but Beau got out of it..he died before the sentencing. He had been in rehab for over 6 months before he messed up. He and some other patient had skipped work and drove into Pittsburgh, but Beau claimed they didn't do anything. Back at home we tried to keep him on the right track but he began hanging out with old friends and things went down hill from there. Our family is a lot like yours too, normal. My parents are still happily married and have been for over 30 years. I have two other older brothers who both have graduated from esteemed colleges and have successful careers. I consider myself normal also, as normal as a 17 year old can get who has gone through what I have. I understand that addiction can happen to anyone and they can't be helped unless they want the help themself. I admire you for posting this website and informing others about the dangers of addiction, it takes a lot of courage to relive you worst nightmare on screen. I'll be thinking a lot of you and your family as we go through this 3 year anniversary..thank you.
Sincerely, Melissa
Melissa <melissadaugherty@yahoo.com>
Greenville , PA USA - Dear Mrs. Allen,
I will pray for the pain in your heart of the loss of your daugther,I hope you have the time to e-mail me back as I will truley pray for you all the days of my life. I have a son and I am so proud of him he has gone through a very tough time but I thank-God he has my strong being and the guidence of God and a lot of good people in his life.
Three years a go my husband killed himself not because of drugs but he was in a lot of cronic pain,my son,well our son went to help search for him and he found him,he could of turned to drugs but he turned to God,me his Little league Coach and his friends and girlfriend. He is fine now that he findally got it out and told me how he found him.
I am so lucky but I feel so bad for you and your family it is so sad and I don't think the medcial people think as bad as you think ,they do have a heart and they do feel your pain.When I lost my husband everyone was so good to us,.
Please e-mail and let me know how you are doing I don't know why but God has always made me reach out my hand to another Mother I feel your pain I really do
God Bless you and please e-mail me back
Love and God Bless You and May God ease your painfull heart. I will now worry how you are for the rest of my life
Love Always,
Tinker German Tinker German <tinkergerman@msn.com>
Stroudsburg, Pa USA - IM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER AND ALL THESE SAD STORYS I HAVE A GIRL FREIND SO CALLED THAT HAS A HISTORY OF HERION SINCE A TEEN AGER IN AND OUT OF JAIL REHABS METHADONE CLINICS AND HALF WAY HOUSES SHES 45 YEARS OLD SHE JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL AND BEFORE THAT CONTACTED ME ALL COLLECT CALLS FROM JAIL 200 DOLLARS SHE TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO CHANGE HER LIFE SO I PUT 300 DOLLARS IN HER COMESARY AT JAIL THEN BANG SHE STOP CALLING ME FOR 2 WEEKS THEN BANG CALL ME FOR A RIDE TO A HALF WAY HOUSELIKE A FOOL I DID SHE LOOK LIKE HELL EVEN AFTER JAIL WITH THIER PROGRAMS MEETINGS AND CHURCH WITH ROSARY BEADS AROUND HER NECK HER OWN MOTHER SAID LIKE IVE SEEN ON TRHIS WEB SITE SHE WILL FIND HER DEAD SOME DAY I NEED SOME ADVICE FROM ADDICTS OR NON ADDICTS MAYBE OR JUST MAYBE IF I PEINTED THIS PAGE AND SENT IT TO HER SHE MIGHT SEE THE LIGHT BUT I ALSO KNOW IVE HAVE SHOW HER MANY THINGS ABOUT MY RESEARCH ON DRUGS BUT SHE WAS VERY COLD I FEEL THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE FOR HER TO SEE THE LIGHT THERS NOTHING LIKE LOVE CARING SHARING AND A GOOD HOME WHICH I HAVE BUT THAT DAM HERION IS WORST THAT CANCER EVEN WORST THAT ANY WAR WE FOUGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY THE SAD PART IS WE WILL NEVER STOP THIS DEVIL ONLY FOR SOME NOT ALL I MY SELF AM A BIBLE INSTUCTOR AND GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEM SELFS THE ANSWER TO DRUGS FOR ANY ADDICT IS TRO FINALLY COME TO TERMS WITH THIS DEVIL AND SAY NO ITS HARD FOR THEM CAUSE IT CAPTURES THE BRAIN TO SAY YES AND LIE STEAL CHEAT
KILL AND ARE BIG TAKERS AND EVEN LOVE THEM SELFS
AND ADDICTS HAVE NO DIGNITY THEY SELL THIER BODYS
SOULS TO THAT DEVIL I PRAY FOR ALL OF US AND GOD HEARS OUR PRAYER CUASE MALSO MY GIRL FRIEND WHEN I FIRST MET HER SHE WAS CLEAN AND SHE HAS SO MUCH
TO OFFER BUT DRUGS TAKES THAT OVER I WOULS LOVE TO HEAR FROM ANY WHO WOULD LIKE TO EMAIL ME MAYBE
THIERS STILL SOME HOPE FOR SOME BUT A PRAY FOR ALL THIS STOPS FOR GOOD GOD BLESS YOU ALL
TED
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west springfield, ma USA - I just finished reading Erin's story and I was crying by the time I was halfway through. I was in the same situation as her just a few years ago. I overdosed a few times, but somehow always pulled through. I lived in Lewistown Pennsylvania for most of my life. I starting drinking, using lsd and prescription narcotics at the age of 14 and became very addicted. By the time I was 15 or maybe even before, I was using cocaine and heroin. I started out just snorting it. I remember telling myself that I would never stick a needle in my arm. Before you even knew it, there I was shooting up constantly. I starting stealing from my family and best friends, just so I could get a quick fix. My weight went down to about 95 pounds. My aunt suspected something and decided to take me to the hospital to get some blood work done one night. My boyfriend who was also a heavy user decided to come along. They found heroin and benzo's in my system and decided that I needed to go to rehab. I was only 17 at the time, so I had no choice about where they put me. They were unable to get a bed for me that night, so they let me go home to pack for the next day. As soon as we were out of the hospital, my boyfriend and me took off and hid as my family circled around searching for me. I waited until we knew the coast was clear. We broke into someones house, stole the car keys, some money, and a bottle of percocets to get us through. It was now about 3am and we headed to philly. We got there first thing in the morning and copped some dope right away. I remember pulling over right by a dope cornerand shooting up, which is something you just dont do. We both passed out until the evening. Everyone on the corner thought that we were dead. We took off, not knowing where to go in a blizzard. We got into an accident and abandoned the car. We stayed in philly for a while. I called home one day and asked if they would have me back. They agreed and we were both on the next bus home. Two days later my aunt turned me into the cops for the car theft. I sat in a juvinile detention center and was eventually moved to the jail when I turned 18. My boyfriend hid out in Miami for about 6 months before being found and placed in jail as well. After serving my 2 year sentence, things only got worse. I used more and more. I was with a different boyfriend at this time and we began going to philly every day copping dope and bringing it home to sell and use. We were pulled over in Lancaster on the way home one night and he was placed in prison. They let me go because he had told them that it was all his. I knew then that things were bad, but they were about to get worse. I stayed from placde to place because I couldnt afford a place of my own. I was using constantly now and I did things that I dont even remember. To this day I still cannot remember. I checked myself into rehab. I left after 2 days and called my mother who lived in New Jersey. She came and picked me up. I never went back to Lewistown after that. It took a long time to recover and a lot of prescriptions. I can now say that Ive been clean for about 3 years and now working on wall street. I still think about using from time to time. I guess that never really goes away. I still have to live with knowing that I will probably have hepatitis C for the rest of my life. Im very thankful that I still have that though. Ive been given a second chance. To all of those still struggling-I hope all of you are able to overcome this awful addiction. Im so sorry about Erin.
Jessica Smith <jesyka9908@yahoo.com>
NJ USA - hello ive read your post and im so sorry what happened and all thse storys of sadness must stop for i have a girl friend who just got out of jail for use of drugs and half of her life she had done drugs we broke up 9 months ago because of this but she contacted me she wanted help but she lyed then had no where to turn for a ride to a half way house and she was out there in left field still clean but she wanted a drink within that hour of realease from jail ive done a lot of research on drugs and i surely dont use them number 1 mettings halfway houses all have addicts and they dicuss there storys that gives them a thought of using agian and even deal drugs
in thses programs its a fact i have spoken to many conselors and they say the best way is to go
to a program that gaurentess 85 percent sucsess by that i mean programs that you live in not a half way house setting but you can not leave at all for 6 months to a year but the addict must really what this or it will continue addicts can not love untill they love themselfs they will lie cheat hurt you and it does not even faze them
all they think about is therr needs and how to optain them for drugs reasearch fact 85 percent off addicts who enter half way houses will relape
ive been told and seen it on the web jail drug programs are a fal;se way to cause they still talk about storys among them selfs which is bad i would love to help to stop this mind altering devil right in it tracks lets pull toghter and beat this devil god bless you all
ted
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west spfld, ma USA - I'm truly sorry for the pain you are going through I've been addicted to opaites for 3 years now and went on suboxone about 2 months ago the first visit with the Doctor was a not good at all I had been on 135 mg of methadone for a year and a half the first visit the they only gave me 5 mg of Suboxone it did not work then I went to the web site that tells the doctor how to administer the suboxone it says 8 to 16 mg or until you truly feel ok I was sick called the doctor and told to come back in the morning I was to sick to go and I did not want to take anymore because he was so scared to give me more in the office needless to say I used the next afternoon went on the web site and found the correct way to take it and now I have 3 Suboxone left and called the doctor just to see If I could get Colodine to help ease the last little bit of pain chest hurts to I'm so tired of this and just want to be free I hope they help me, so I can help others get out of this hell I just had a friend die from overdose and he was only out of the detox where they put you under 2 months no matter how you get hooked the pain of comming off I would not put on my worst enemy They do need to make Suboxone easy to get I can take 1, 2.5 mg a day and be fine when it took 135 mg of methadone and I do not feel like zombie I know what your daughter has gone through and I'm truly sorry " God Bless Her"
Chris Hayden <chrishayden@russwhitney>
Caoe Coral, FL USA - dear mrs allen i have read your story and others also and it really caught my eye im not and addict but my girl freind is shes bieng doing drugs half of her life my story is and freind of mine introduce her to me he ia an addict but not using but he did use and i know nothing of it he told me he had a women staying with her and he told her she had to leave knowing she had a drug problem so we met and we hit it off well until i found out she was addict then just went down hill after that we broke up 9 months later she writes me from jail wanting to get back with me agian i found out she was using me for my contacts to get her out of jail that fail she stop calling me for 2 weeks then called me for a ride to a halfway house i took her there but i was choked by the way she looked and acted towards me and when i drop her off she said to me dont make a big deal out of it im si hurt for i know an addict cant love till they love them selfs so i know she does not love me but i still love here i hate drugs for what is does to the mind and soul i go to a therapist for stress and this has buildt it to a high level all my freinds
say why are you doing this to your self i have a heart and a big one i saw her true side and thats why i love her but drugs took it over i cant get her out of my mine why is there something there i cant see it what should i do thank you so much god bless you
ted
ted sibilia <teoos@msn.com>
west spfld, ma USA - Mrs Allen I am sorry for your loss, I have faced a close call with the same drug although it was a completely different scenario. Similarly to my experience, your story displays no knowledge into the logic of heroin abuse, nor the mind-set of the victim - do you believe (like myself) that the problems of harmful drugs will never be solved until people have a good understanding? My advice to those going through a similar predicament is to understand the cause and effects rather than memorise the symptons and negative effects on the poster in the doctors waiting room.
R
UK - I just came across your site while looking how to do my first fix of chiva. I have been addicted to narcotics for years and lately it's been harder and harder to come by. I have just about had it with being ill from w/d's.
I have always had it in the back of my mind to try heroin but was a bit fearful and wanted to keep the integrity to have never crossed that line. But today, I went and got some. matters not but to tell you a bit about me, I'm a mother of 5, grand ma of 1 and 2 on the way. I'm 36 years old and going through a divorce. Times is hard and lonely. I began writing to a prisoner and he said he could make me some money. All I had to do was get some "stuff" in to him in. So this is how I came about coming into posession of the drug today. Tonight is just another night of not having anything (my narcs) so I kept contemplating messin' with the "stuff" but after reaidng Erins story. I'm very sorry for your loss. I continued with reading the posts and am deeply moved and pursuaded to steer clear of trying heroin. thank you for saving me from crossing that line to try what I just KNOW I'd get addicted to. Thank you for saving me from being enslaved to that demon.
Andrea
drea <DreaNCa@aol.com>
San Francisco, Ca USA - I'm so sorry. I just happened to come across your site, and I know it took a lot of courage to put this story out, but worth it. I'm sorry for your family and I'm sorry for Erin. I've struggled with heroin for 8 years with heroin, and the only thing that has saved me is Suboxone treatment. I want you to know that Erin was not at all a bad person (I'm sure you already knew that). She was a very sick person who was suffering. May your family find peace and comfort. --Marcos
marcos <dray2019@yahoo.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Thank you for sharing your story. I am a Mom who already has lost one child, a baby girl 8 years ago to meningitis. I believe my 20 year old son is using and am terrified at the thought of losing him too, to drugs. I am an experienced RN, but I can't help him. You did everything you could to save your daughter's life. If love was the cure, she would no doubt still be here. I've heard all sorts of platitudes from well meaning people, and I'm sure you have too. God bless and heal you and your family. May God help all those in need of Him -if anyone who reads this is using, please get help so you don't break your Mother's heart!
May your sweet Erin rest in peace!
TER
Framingham, MA USA - Dear Marie,
I am an 18 year old girl from Adelaide, Australia but i just want to thank you for sharing this story. My brother overdosed last year on Methanphetimine and should have died however he survived but now is schizophenic quite severely and i just wanted to say thanks for making people aware of the choices they make with drugs and just how dangerous they are.If this website makes one more person think twice about what they are doing to themself it is a bessing so thankyou. Love Pru
Pru Hicks <pruhicks883@hotmail.com>
adelaide, SA Australia - Mrs. Allen I would just like to let you know that i appreaciate the fact that you are telling Erin's story. Just recently you came and spoke to my students at Delaware Tech, and i want to let you know you enlighten me with the whole issue of Heroin. I am one person that does not know much about dealing with drug addicts, but your story showed me how real it can be. Once again i just wanted to say thank you and God Bless.
Sherri Thomas <Sreneethom@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, de USA - I am so sorry for everyone's loses due to heroin & all these drugs. My boyfriend's close friend died last year from a heroin overdose. He had just come back from fighing in Korea he was in the military but had injured his knee. The military was the only way he stayed clean. He was clean for a few years & engaged & seemed happy. Then as soon as he came back home on medical leave he got high & died of an overdose. He got high with a dealer & this guy just left him there to die alone & took him money. Such a sad story.
Mollie <mdy1979@aol.com>
USA - Last Sept. my cousin Shane died from drug abuse,He was living with a woman who had given birth to 4 babies the last one was his and he was taken at 2 months and placed into foster care. And after 2 months she was pregnate angain. His son was 4 months old when he went in to the bathroom and hung himself, Shane died a horrable death he tore and riped his face apart, a corneor said its like if your arm goes to sleep and you dont feel the pain only the burning tingling, a horror. my secound cousin is still in the foster care. his moms second temp. legal custody was granted to her she dose have her rights as well. she did give birth to her 5 baby in another state they took it from her at birth she was born testing postive to drugs. this state is looking for permanatacy for her. I will have to take classes to learn how to raise a baby of drug abuse. which i hope to get custody of both of Shanes babys. and that some how these precious little babys will be able to grow up to be healthy happy adults. in my family the babies sadly are the greatest victems.
brenda
USA - I would like to send my condolences to you and your husband for what has happened. Your story opens the eyes to those who read it. My fiancee battled a two year addiction to heroin and has overcome it. It took him moving to a different part of the country, and time in prison to quit but he has done it. He has been clean since Dec. of 2001. It is a most beautiful thing that you can take a tragic event in your life, and change the lives of other and turn it in to something positive for the world. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
Sara K. <Stanggurlon20z@aol.com>
Charlotte, NC USA - For all those reading these posts the help is there if you want it. For the addicts there is NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and CA (Cocaine Anonymous). For the family and freiends of addicts there is help too. Al-Anon, Nar-anon and Coc-anon. These are all 12 step programs and should be listed in your local phone book or you can check with there websites and find meetings in your area. My hubby was an addict and has gone through this program and is now clean for over 9 months. I am in my respective programs and I get the love and support that I so desperately need. These programs work, BUT you have to want to recover. Noo one can change you, you can only change yourself.
God Bless and love to all on this long journey.
lildee
lildee <BlueBabe4591@Aol.com>
NJ USA - Mrs Allen:
How did you cope with this when Erin was going through all of this...??? Have you learned what and whatnot to do??? Did you have lot's of support from your friends and family?? The coping is one of the hardest things...I haven't seen my 19 year old son for a couple days now..I don't dare call the police or hospitals..People around me that know of my families situation avoid us now...This website seems to be my only outlet. I know you probably don't know the answers...but thanks for having this site so I can vent. Deana
Deana
MA USA - Ms. Allen...I was saddened by the story of your daughter Erin's death. Heroin is a very insidious drug....when you are a junkie it's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning...in fact, it becomes your sole obssession....the ritual of scoring, fixing, cooking and shooting. I started smoking heroin when I was 30...and I loved it...it was better than sex. Then, eventually, I was fixing it... I would fix before work and then fix right after work (ironically, I was a social worker). I kept it a secret from my wife...I was spending $100. a day...I just got cash advances on my credit cards. Then, one day, I did a speedball(mixture of heroin and cocaine) and I overdosed. I was on the floor of a hotel room in a prayer position with my legs tucked under me for 24 hours....luckily hotel staff found me... they pumped Narcon into me (an anti-opiate) and it left burns/scars on my arms...on the way to the hospital my heart stopped...my legs were so swollen they were thinking that they might have to amputate them from the knees down....but they saved them with intensive surgery. My kidneys shut down and I was on dialysis for 3 weeks. I had amnesia...but have foggy memories of my concerned family members (my parents flew all the way from Toronto...my sister flew all the way from England. I never knew how much they loved me and how close I came to dying. It destroyed my marriage...but my ex and I are still friends...we have 2 great kids. I walk with leg braces...I can't move my toes and have very little sensation my feet. I am on long-term disability because I had brain damage and have a very poor memory. I am on the methadone program and I am a firm believer in it. Take it from me...the West Coast of Canada has tons of heroin and cocaine...it's like all the addicts from the rest of the country move here because it's so liberal and hippy/dippy. Anyway, thnaks for your story...keep up the good work. John.
john percy <johnpercy37@hotmail.com>
Victoria, BC Canada - I JUST WATCHED A&E WHICH SHOWED ERINS BRAVE MOM..MARIE...IRONICALY MY SON JUST LEFT THE HOUSE TO PUT HIMSELF, ONCE AGAIN INTO DETOX....I WISH THERE WAS GOVERNMENT FUNDING FOR TREATMENT THAT WORKS!! I WISH AND HOPE FOR EVERYONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH THIS HURTFUL DISEASE....ERINS STORY IS ALMOST IDENTICAL TO WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH...I DO THINK THAT MAYBE SOMEDAY A MIRACLE WILL HAPPEN...FOR ME AND MY FAMILY...AND ALL OF YOURS :)
Dee
MA USA - This comment is to "in need of help". I have a very similar situation, but we found help in the last place we thaught possible, the most expensive treatment center in our area. When we called the person answering the phone said that the cost would be $17,000 for a 28day, which is way out of my reach. But, my husband called back for himself and spoke with an intake counselor. After hearing his story, and he went into very elaborate detail, they excepted him with only $50 down and lowered the rate for his stay down to $4500. Huge discount. If I were anyone looking for treatment, I would call the most expensive, treatment center. Their pockets are very deep and are truly there to help the patient with their addiction, no matter what you are able to pay, or not for that matter. Good luck!
nica
Ft. Myers, FL USA - We all have to fight for drug companies to let physicians prescribe opiate blockers (suboxone) or any other helpful drug to these addicts. These drug companies are quick to prescribe oxycontin...and make billions off them, but they limit who and who cannot prescribe other helpful drugs...the oxycontin, or percocet and vicodin lead to heroin..when the junkies can't afford them anymore...trust me...our family has gone through hell...and are still there...because of this horrible....horrible addiction...I also read about another drug called "IBOGAINE" that is very helpful with heroin addiction..but it is not available in the U.S.?? We need to rally and get someone to try harder...I mean look....detox and rehab are only temporary solutions....How can we stand to see our children or husbands or anyone kill themselves anymore...I hope some professionals read these stories and can start some kind of petition to help us all. GOD BLESS
Mother of an addict
MA USA - A few weeks ago my brother Matthew Hamilton, after about 5 years of not seeing him, comes back home to Tennessee from San Diego, CA. Matt has had a history of many different types of drug use, and has tryed several times to quit them, but failed. But this time he seemed more serious and determined to quit. He was even showing signs that he was finding God and He means hope and a purpose of life to a lot of people. I thought that he was finally getting his life on track by getting a job, and joining a halfway house to live in, but then he left the halfway house and went back to California. He called a few days later and appologized for leaving so suddenly and said he'd be back soon. He called the other night and talked to my mom and said he'd back back, again. Then just today my mom tells me that they have found Matt on a park bench in San Diego over dosed on heroine, dead. And it just kind of hit me all at once and I was sad and shocked... I believe my brother stayed gone all these years, then finally came back to make things right between his family and I and to kind of try just one last time to get better, but he left back to San Diego where I believe he killed himself by purposely overdosing on heroine....
William Hamilton <squall_801@hotmail.com>
Knoxville, TN USA - A few weeks ago my brother Matthew Hamilton, after about 5 years of not seeing him, comes back home to Tennessee from San Diego, CA. Matt has had a history of many different types of drug use, and has tryed several times to quit them, but failed. But this time he seemed more serious and determined to quit. He was even showing signs that he was finding God and He means hope and a purpose of life to a lot of people. I thought that he was finally getting his life on track by getting a job, and joining a halfway house to live in, but then he left the halfway house and went back to California. He called a few days later and appologized for leaving so suddenly and said he'd be back soon. He called the other night and talked to my mom and said he'd back back, again. Then just today my mom tells me that they have found Matt on a park bench in San Diego over dosed on heroine, dead. And it just kind of hit me all at once and I was sad and shocked... I believe my brother stayed gone all these years, then finally came back to make things right between his family and I and to kind of try just one last time to get better, but he left back to San Diego where I believe he killed himself by purposely overdosing on heroine....
William Hamilton <squall_801@hotmail.com>
Knoxville, TN USA - I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND ALL THE PAIN YOU HAVE WENT THROUGH AND ARE STILL GOING THROUGH. MY BOYFRIEND AND FATHER OF MY SON IS A HEROIN ADDICT THAT USES NEEDLES AND HE ALSO SMOKES CRACK AND GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT ELSE. HE HAS BEEN IN AND OUT OF REHABS AND NOW HE IS IN JAIL. HE KEEPS BEGGING FOR ME AND HIS FAMILY TO BAIL HIM OUT BUT WE WON'T BECAUSE WE FEEL LIKE THIS IS HIS LAST CHANCE TO STAY ALIVE. I WISH THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO BECAUSE I LOVE HIM MORE THAN WORDS COULD SAY AND OUR SON NEEDS HIS FATHER, BUT HE CAN'T BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS. IT BREAKS MY HEART AND KILLS ME INSIDE THAT WE ALL HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AND I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERYONE ELSE WHO IS TOO. I'M SO SORRY ABOUT ERIN. MY SYMPATHY TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
jessica campbell <crissy_9352000@yahoo.com>
Warren, Mi USA - Deana, Please never give up hope.
Marie Allen (Erin's mom)
USA - ONCE AGAIN I AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS...IF ANYONE OUT THERE HAS A "SUCCESS" STORY...IT WOULD BE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR...READING ALL THESE STORIES TELLS ME THE STATISTICS ARE NOT GOOD AND THAT MY SONS DON'T HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE???
deana
brockton, ma USA - I, too, have a child that is a heroin addict. he is 21 and has been in and out of rehab. people look down om him becuase of his habit. My sympathy is with you because I know in my heart if he doesn't stop, he, too, will die. Heroin robs you of your life, your family,your friends, and your dignity. It;s the devil in disguise. Only the addict can help themselves. We have tried but unsuccessfully. He has to want to do it. We are financially ruined and emotionally drained. Tearssss are a part of our everyday life. JHoy is gone, pai is abundant. Please pray for ALl addicts. they chose the drug the first time, after that, they became powerless.
Madonna <dondi347@AOL.COM>
sCRANTON, pa USA - I was sitting here tonight, looking for a place that could help me cope with my husbands addiction, and I stumbled upon this web site. As far as I know my husband has been a victom of heroin for a little over 2 years. In these past years he has been in and out of 7 different detox centers here in FL. About 8 months ago he began methadone treatment, and stayed clean up until a month ago, when our insurance decided that they would no longer cover his treatment and the clinic turned himaway for non-payment. I thaught his struggle was finally over , when he began methadone he was taking 100mg a day and in 8mo. had brought himself down to 21mg. He convinced me that he was at a low enough level to detox from it and be clean. He enrolled himself into a detox center and stayed for 7 days. After 7 days he was released and within a week I began to notice money missing out of the bank. I confronted him about it and he told me that he didn't know where the money went. A couple days ago he came to me and confessed to taking the monies and that he was once again addicted to heroin. I dropped him off yesterday at yet another detox clinic. I don't know what to do? Please help? We have 2 small children and I am to the point that I can't take it anymore. He has tried many times to attend a 28 day program, but all of the centers tell him detox is the first step. After he goes through their detox programs, the center then tell him they don't have any room for him in their 28 day. These centers are supposed to be their to help him, but they are only taking our money and sending him away. I have been reading this site for an hour now and I am affraid that I will be the next to tell my story of a loss. We have asked the state, they tell us that they only help if he is convicted of a crime! We have asked "non-profit" organizations and they say only if we have the money! I have asked our insurance and they say we would help if it was alchohol! I have run out of money, I am running out of strength and patience, and most of all I am running out of hope. Before this I have never been confronted with drugs of any type. I ask again for some help, for me. I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM!
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for giving us a place to let out what is being kept inside and for giving us a place where the people listening don't judge.
in need of help
Ft. Myers, FL USA - God Bless Erin.
Andy (aka - Adrian Pervin from Durham)
Andy. <amagicdragon@hotmail.com>
Durham, UK - I don't even know how I stumbled on to this site but I have been reading for hours. I have seen lives destroyed by heroin and try to learn as much as I can about it. I have an 18 yr old daughter who has friends that are on it, I wonder if she has tried it. I have never been more scared of a drug in my life. Erin's story broke my heart and I think what you are doing is great. Look at all the people you have touched and as you see you are not alone, although at times I'm sure you feel like you are. I have a friend in jail who has 3 kids growing up w/out her because of heroin.I know it will eventually kill her. She robbed everyone who cared about her and even sold herself. I can't wait to give my good friend your site. Her son is battling this addiction and it seems hopeless.I have watched her family fall apart. Well I am going to keep reading until I cant anymore.Again, I am sorry for your loss and I think you are an inspiration to all parent who have lost children to drugs. I would like to know when and where you speak so I can bring my daughter. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. BOBBIE
Bobbie <bobl101@comcast.net>
Carneys Point, NJ USA - I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I was just informed by a high school friend that my high school boyfriend and five of his friends all OD'd on heroin. I just feel sick knowing how he died, and for sure, every "faceless junkie" does have a story.
Jo <boatswainmategirl@msn.com>
CA USA - Well it's been 20 mths. since my beautiful 20 year old son, Hunter, died of heroin overdose. I put him in jail to detox him, not understanding the extreme mental depression that lack of the drug causes. When he came out, he overdosed. I saw him on the beach, peacefully sleeping, not realizing that he was dying. He has left so many shattered lives behind. We love and miss him terribly. Some days, I just want to lay down where he died, and go....a mom
Christa <2hunter@charter>
USA - I can't say, I hope you read this letter I wish I could talk with you. I need to talk to people who knew Erin. Please. Marie Erin's mom
M. Allen
Wilm, De USA - I look back on how my life used to be, I start to cry at what I see, Robbing and
