I read Erin's story. I share this pain. My son Dallas died of an accidental heroin overdose on July 12 2007. He was 19 years old.
I cannot imagine my life anymore without him. The dismal lonliness is excruciating. Our kids struggled with a powerful demon and I would have taken his place, if he could have had one moments peace.
He was not only my beautiful son, but my best friend. No matter how much I loved him, or told him so...I couldn't save him. This reality batters me every waking moment. Words seem meaningless, and cannot define the grief in any measure. I feel now, if I could help one kid, just one...I would believe that Dallas did not die in vain . I want my son's life, to mean so much more than his death. I wish, I wish that love, truly did conquer all. Please visit my son Dallas at: http://thegrievingroom.blogspot.com
Erin, like my son was beautiful and bright and so full of potential. All of us, must fight for changes in laws and funding for programs, and the way these programs operate. We must fight with our kids in their monumental struggle, every step of the way...no matter what it takes.
Because truly...these are all of our kids.
Thank you, for sharing Erin's story. It helps others like me, more than you know.
Angela Angela <gwynn_a@msn.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Friday, August 17, 2007i also i'm a recovering addict with a beautiful daughter i love waking up each day and feeling normal but every now and then it calls for me and i haven;t totally found a way of ignoring it it,s hard but i feel i,m getting there.CURSE THE DIRT. emma p <emmandlilly@hotmail.co.uk>
dorset, c/e u.k - Friday, August 17, 2007Way too many young people are involved with this horrible drug. I wish I could help each and every one get through this addiction. with God's help you all can live the lives you deserve. God bless all the addicts and their families.
MLA
wilmington, de USA - Thursday, August 09, 2007My heart goes out to you and your family. I know what the pain of a losing a child feel like. My 14 year old daughter died April 22, 2004, due to a heart condition. My son who is now 24, turned to heroin after his sister's death. He is still unable to accept it, he is very angry and he said heroin took away the pain but brought him a new pain, addiction. He found out today that he now has liver damage, probably due to using dirty needles. I look at him and see my little lost boy who wants to stop but doesn't know how. I ony have the two children and couldn't bear the pain of losing my only child. I send you my hugs and prayers. I hope that we can stop this heroin from reaching our children too many parents cry every night for the safety of our children when they go out looking for their next fix. Erin was so beautiful and loved you so, always remember that.
God Bless.
Corinne
Bereaved parent and parent of an addicted child
Corinne Ruiz <cvr@bak.rr.com>
Bakersfield, CA USA - Friday, August 03, 2007Hi, my deepest condolences for your loss. This story has touched me in ways I could never explain. My sister is currently on methadone and has been for about 2 years. She was on heroin for about 5 years and none of us even knew it. Looking back now, when we look at pictures we can see the bruised arms etc that we never noticed until we found out. It is amazing how much you can be around someone and never know what they are up too. My heart still breaks every single day. I know what could have happened to her, I am scared for what will happen to her, and even though the methadone has stopped it, what will happen when she stops taking it. I have read every response here and I cannot believe how many people are afflicted by this terrible drug. I know that it is hard, but you have to think about what this is doing to your family, how will they feel if you OD? especially if they dont even know you have a problem. I am thankful every day that she is still in my life, but I know alot of people are dying from this every day. If someone needs someone to talk to or anything, email me. I will respond. It is just very sad that it takes someone dying for others to stand up and realize. I would love to get your book, not only for myself but for my sister. Could you tell me how to get it. Please, everyone take care.
christy <prncesk75@verizon.net>
Pa USA - Wednesday, August 01, 2007I just stumbled onto your website. My son is currently in the methadone program and has been for over a year. This is the most frightening drug and it effects that I have ever seen. I am so sorry for your story and as a parent with a child dealing with this addiction I do know first hand how painful this is. You NEVER stop worrying about your child and it has changed everyones lives around him that love him so much. I would of never thought that this could be happening to us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and god bless your child.
Rhonda <supcrtk@yahoo.com>
USA - Tuesday, July 31, 2007Hey! I have, a real "good idea", I did it, it worked for "ME", I'm alive, I'm liveing proof that no matter how deep in the "shit", that you crawled into this time, in the end, if you have the stamina, the "Will" to be free, the "THOUGHT" in your mine, even if you Die trying,.COLD TURKEY was my only way OUT, for me, and yes I did "DIE" I don't recall all the details in the begining, because it was nasty, all the shit comeing out of me, all that cold sweat, that rotten smell was me, all that mesery and mess came crashing down "Hard" on me, it was a terrable Death of me, IF I really died, then it was for the good of me,.Because after 28 years of being a "junkie" it payed OFF, when I died,"COLD TURKEY" after you die, reborn, LIFE begins, Three years, for my head to clear, Four years, for my health to return, I'm back,Seven years later, I'm doing "LIFE" to day, Thanks to myself, I wanted a change so bad ,that I DIED trying, I breath, eat , sleep, all those wonederful "Gifhs" we took for granted, when we became "junkies" are all returned if your willing to stop useing and get on with your "LIFE". Good Luck and I'll pray for you all. if you only try.. BLessing...
nakaii <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Monday, July 30, 2007Recent update on Peter, had bad accident, hit a tree, found something in his head ct scan and has a broken leg, mri tomorrow, maybe this is the reason for self medicating. home on monday. praying for no relapses. Marie it is hard to cope.
dee
Brockton, ma USA - Saturday, July 28, 2007As always, God bless Erin and my love to Marie.
Andy.
Andy
London, UK - Saturday, July 28, 2007my deepest sympathies to you. I've been clean about 12 years now and I still can barely look at my mom without wanting to hug her and apologize. I see her with my children and i cant even fathom what it must have been like. It's a disease that has taken many really good people from us before they could get help.
joe
providence, ri USA - Thursday, July 26, 2007i read erinsstory and i welled up i have been batterling addiction for 12years and inm 28 i try and try i know how hard it is a horible affliction my thoughts with you all affected
carl <csimner@yahoo.co.uk>
cambs, england - Wednesday, July 25, 2007i think this is a great website - it has brought a lot of people together who are facing the same issues in one way or another regarding heroin. Just a note about suboxone... it came about to replace subutex, as this drug was used in a similar way to suboxone (as a heroin 'replacement' treatment drug) but was injectable. Suboxone isn't supposed to be injectable but a lot of users use it that way. I have seen many people go from heroin addiction or no addiction to using suboxone and it does appear to reduce those persons crime rate, but it is still a highly addictive drug; most rehabs that i know of don't even take suboxone users into their programs unless they have got down to using a very, very low dose of the stuff because the withdrawals from it are so bad that unless people are mostly off of it, they are not as likely to finish a rehab or detox program. From the cases I've heard about, the drug hasn't necessarily made life easier for people who have got onto it. We need more research into this drug...
sues <suzy_rob@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, July 15, 2007Hi my names Linzi and I have been an addict for 8 yr's. I try so hard and feel that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, I stay clean for a little bit and then can't help myself, yet I try so hard, but my hardest is never good enough.
I lie to my family all the time, which does not make me feel good about myself, and the worst is I have 2 children 9 and 11 that I adore so so much yet I can't do it for them (they live with me)i know I either have to sort this out or I'm not gona be around much longer.
linzi phillips <lyndseyphillips@btinternet.com>
Gwent, united kingdom - Thursday, July 12, 2007Marie... Good news... Kristi returned, heroin free!! Thanks for the prayers and the concern!!
God bless you in your mission to touch lives and to show the reality of the destruction and devestation of this awful drug to everyone involved. Erin's life was NOT in vein... she's touched the lives of many...
Carol Vannicola <Goldiecola@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, July 11, 2007Ms. Allen~
My 19 year old daughter, Kristi, just took off and left the Cornerstone program two nights ago. She and Erin's story are almost identical. She has spoken of your daughter several times as you spoke at one of the institutions she was committed to at some point. Nobody knows the pain unless they've walked in our shoes... I'm crying for your loss and praying for my daughters return... once again... God bless you and keep on reaching out...
Carol Vannicola <Goldiecola@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, July 10, 2007Mrs. Allen, I would love to get a copy of your book. I have looked everywhere and can't find it. Can you please e-mail me and tell me where I can purchase it. I need it for my recoving heroin addict daughter and a copy for her friend (so I need two copies)...Thanks...Paula
Paula <hyheypaula@aol.com>
Lewes, DE USA - Friday, July 06, 2007Mrs. Allen, you have no idea how many addicts you help, just by keeping this website up. I have been battling (yes, it is a war) addiction to opiates, especially heroin for 4 years now. I want people that read this site to know that this disease has nothing to do with how "good" of a person you are, it is not a moral dilemma. I come from a very supportive family and had a great upbringing. We know we are tearing our families apart, but the drug is stronger; stronger than love, money, friends, God, and life itself. Some people call heroin their lover for a reason. You fall quick and hard and by that time, it's too late to get out. You can't get enough, and when Lady H is around, your worries fly out the door. We know what we are doing, but H is such a cunning enemy of life, it plays tricks on your mind. When you finally have had enough physical pain, depression, mental anguish, it doesn't let you leave without a fight. It drops you to your knees and beats the shit out of you. An addict grieves for their drug just like anyone would grieve for a loved one that passed.
I started using Percecets, Vicodins, then switched to OxyContin, and finally, heroin. The past 4 years have been so horrible, Sometimes I feel I will never be happy without it. I have lost all my friends, disappointed and hurt my family (us addicts lie,lie,lie..just to keep our secrets hid), can't keep a job, and am basically just holding on to life. I am clean (for now). I have found that reading this website everyday helps me not feel alone. Only us addicts know how lonely and miserable addiction is. The feeling dope gives us addicts is so amazing, that we get hooked quick..It fills my body, comsumes my mind, takes away all the pain, and even if it's just for a few hours, makes happy. Isn't that what we all want for ourselves,happiness? To all the partents out there, i am sorry for what you have to go through. Don't give up on your addicted children, b/c if you do, they will surely give up on themselves. Most dope addicts don't want to be addicts, they just CAN'T stop. Believe me, the pain of withdrawal is sometimes unbearable. If you are reading this and think that heroin isn't in your neighborhood, you are fooling yourself. It is everywhere from the richest subdivisions to the homeless on the street.
Mrs. Allen, thank you so much for sharing Erin's story. I think of her all the time. And, if nothing else, you have kept me clean for today.
Lindsay <lindsaysaxon@gmail.com>
Florence, KY USA - Thursday, July 05, 2007God bless Erin
never forgotten.
Andy.
Andy
USA - Friday, June 29, 2007I'v been clean 18 mos. I've been high 30 yrs. Trust & believe, I know the horrors! death , so much death , shame, pain, loss of everything being dead, souless ,consumed with guilt,etc,etc.The past 18 mos. haven't been easy, bot baby, it's better than it was! Rest in Peace all you fallen soldiers of a differnt kind of war.
linda <lillindagt@ yahoo. com>
phila., pa. USA - Wednesday, June 27, 2007Erin's Mom, my heart goes out to you as I am waiting each day to hear that my 38 year old daughter (2 year addiction) will no longer be with us. It has been 3 times in 8 months that over doses have nearly taken her life. She is in such despair. Her loses from her choice to use has crippled all who love her. Her 4 year old daughter has been given to her ex husband. We miss her terribly. Wish we could reach the minds of all those who choose to use, If God has a plan, I sure hope it isn't to have these drugs destroy our next generation as we are surely doing that.
m helpard <tjknana@shaw.ca>
Canada - Sunday, June 24, 2007Hi Marie,
I have posted on here before. I think about you and Erin every day, and I pray that you will always touch as many young lives as possible. My 22 yr. old son is addicted to heroin. He stopped using on his own, without counseling or treatment and stayed clean for 6 months. Before that, he almost died twice from an overdose. The nightmare started again and he relapsed and started using again in May. He overdosed again 2 weeks ago. He has finally decided to seek treatment. They are going to start him on a drug called Suboxone. It will help stop the cravings, and will also make him very sick if he does use heroin while taking it. He had to make many phone calls before he found a place that had an opening. Thru all of this I discovered something truly shocking. There are currently not enough treatment places in the US to help all of the people who are seeking treatment. Heroin use has become an epidemic in this country, and it's long past time for our Government to wake up and smell the coffee. Here is a link to a Suboxone info site for anyone who might be interested. http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/infopage/subutex_suboxone/subutex-qa.htm
OneWhoKnows
PA USA - Saturday, June 23, 2007Hi Marie -
I have spoken with you before. I visit this site religiously every at least 4-5 times a week. 4 years now since i lost my son. You had emailed me your schedule once of scheduled presentations in the tri-state area. Can you send me a current schedule when you have time? I must come out and hear you - you give me strength. You have helped me more than you know.
God Bless our children in heaven..Love, Lee
Lee <leanna.smolar@mortgagefamily.com>
pennsauken, nj USA - Friday, June 22, 2007I was at a EAP conference in Black Lake in May 2007. The speech you gave on your daughter will be forever ingrained in my mind, as will the "wish you were here" song. Very rarely do I get emotional when hearing a speaker, but from looking around the room, I was not the only one with tears. I think it spoke volumes when the ENTIRE audience stood up at the end with applause. I wish I had the courage to give the presentation you did, only by the grace of God I guess. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I will pray for you, her, and your family. Thank you for spreading the message about heroin. I am sure with over 3000 speeches, more than one life has been saved. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you and God bless!!
mark clagett <pr84me@aol.com>
columbus, oh USA - Friday, June 22, 2007My dear Erin I miss you!
I drive through the gates of this place now your home, I worry about you being cold and alone. On the radio I hear your favorite song. I roll down the window and I sing along. I miss your touch, and you smiling face. Your in heaven now and God will take my place. some day we will be together again but until that time I play your song, I'll roll down the windows and I'll sing along
Marie Allen <allensos@verizon.net>
wilmington, de USA - Wednesday, June 20, 2007Medical news and health news headlines posted throughout the day, every day. Medical News <presslib@gmail.com>
USA - Tuesday, June 19, 2007sorry, i left wrong email address
sarah <manplastering@hotmail.co.uk>
bristol, england - Monday, June 11, 2007Erin,
The days go by and my heart is still haunted by a void I could never describe. To say I miss you is not enough. Its not fair. You left me and took a huge part of me with you. Keep it close to your heart until we meet again...that is the day I will be whole again. Always thinking about you and loving you.
Theresa ..Erins lil' sister <buttersctch78@hotmail.com>
wilminton, de USA - Monday, June 11, 2007I think Erin would be very proud of you. Herion doen't just affect the user does it. IWhen i was a teenager herion or browns as we called it was easier to get than pot. I was lucky that i ahd a friend a lad a bit older than me who educated me about the dru through his own habit unfortunately he died 2 years ago ironcically in a car crash he was clean.Yes i tried it but then i left it alone. A lot of mu friends weren't so lucky 13 years on every day is a stuggle for them. In and out of prison, detox, rehab and then back round again. Now my sister in law has a habit she hid it well for a while but i'm not daft and know what she is doing. Stealing, lying she moved back in with her parents recently as she has a child but she won't admit she is on herion. I don't know what to do as i know she has to do it herself. Your story is a sad one but i think you will inspire a lot of people. I can see what my sisiter in law is doing toherself and everyone around her and i want to help her but how? I'd like to get a copy of your book so i can get a better insight then give it to her so maybe she will admit to herself she has a problem and do something about it before it gets too late. Keep up the good work x
Sarah <manpalstering@hotmail.co.uk>
bristol, england - Sunday, June 10, 2007Hello, I just wanted to say that I lost a son the same way, he was on the mend but he relapsed an overdosed on heroin. Matthew was 24 he had a beautiful daughter Samantha for 3 months ......
kathy lester <poonchkie@msn.com>
bettendorf, IA USA - Saturday, June 09, 2007I just ordered your book and read it in about 2 hrs. I cant stop thinking about your daughter. I am so sorry that this happened, and all I can think of is -- this could be me. This could be me if I dont stop. This book has touched me so deeply, to the point that I feel like I knew her. I could relate to everything that she went through, everything that she was feeling. The dreams, the cravings, the triggers, the recklessness, all of it. I posted a few weeks ago, and you e-mailed me back, suggesting that I buy the book, and I did, and I do have to say that you are right. I do think this will help. What a wake up call. Its amazing how much power this drug can have over someone. I dont think anybody who hasn't lived it could ever in a million years understand it. My family tries, but they dont TRULY know at what mercy I am with this evil drug. Nothing in my life has ever brought me to my knees, or had this sort of power over me. Not love, not God, not money...NOTHING. I feel so ashamed that I am failing at this. I feel so ashamed that I let this happen to me. And I feel so ashamed that I cant control it, and I'm so scared that it is going to grab ahold of me even tighter until there really is no hope. This book has shown me that there is hope. That I can fight this, I can control it, I CAN STOP IT!! Thank you so much. And again, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. Erin was such a beautiful, bright, caring, smart woman, from what I gather and I am so sorry that this horrible evil drug got the best of her. She would be so proud that you are so involved in carrying out her aspirations to help others by writing this book and sharing her story. I can see where she got her qualities from! Thank you again. Please keep me in your prayers.
J.G. <jaqui_118@yahoo.com>
MI USA - Monday, June 04, 2007 To read these passages about how hard our drug use is on our parents is heartbreaking. I started using at 15, now 27. I went to prison at age about 22 and i had almost 5 years clean. Then i started using about 2 months ago. How quick you go back to full blown addiction is crazy. I'm clean right now just off a kick, but I want to get high so fucking bad i can taste it.
The jones went away after my 3 years in prison, i came out and was cool got a union job and everything was garvy. Lost job did dope life sucks. I really don't know why i'm rambling, but i just want to say to all the mothers out there sorry. It's not your fault that shit is more powerful than god. Good luck with everything, JON
jr <chi2004town@msn.com>
chicago, il USA - Thursday, May 31, 2007I just finished readin "Dope Help". It was given to me from a friend at an NA meeting. I am 23 yrs. old and a recovering heroin addict myself. I have been clean for a little over a year and a half. Myself and another recovering addict recently begun going to high schools and sharing our stories with students. They have been so receptive and if we just save one life, it will be worth it. I identify so much with Erin and her story really has moved me. I am so sorry for your loss.
I would very much like to correspond with you or maybe even work with you. I hope you recieve this message. You have inspired me to continue with my endeavour.
I hope to hear from you.
And thank you,
Brenda lennox
brendalennox@gmail.com
Brenda <brendalennox@gmail.com>
Buffalo, NY USA - Saturday, May 26, 2007i am a heroin and cocaine addict and every day i see destruction all around me,i came from a very loving home and chose my own path,god i regret it,i wish i could do my mother+father happy.i am 10 yrs heroin,10 years,coke,4 m3ethadone clinics and tryed everything,i have 1 more chance,go nless you
peter rosenshine <rosie278@hotmail.com>
dublin,ireland, ireland - Thursday, May 24, 2007i am a heroin and cocaine addict and every day i see destruction all around me,i came from a very loving home and chose my own path,god i regret it,i wish i could do my mother+father happy.i am 10 yrs heroin,10 years,coke,4 m3ethadone clinics and tryed everything,i have 1 more chance,go nless you
peter rosenshine <rosie278@hotmail.com>
dublin,ireland, ireland - Thursday, May 24, 2007i like your daughter got addicted to drugs at a young age, i started at 14 with alcohol and pot then it moved on to the pain killers.i have been addicted to pain killers off and on for the past 4 years. i experimented with just about everything until i tried heroin this year. i got addicted as soon as i felt it. it made me forget everything and made me feel the best i had in awhile. i have depression and anxiety so i felt it cured me and i fell in love. from then on i did it every day thinking i was hiding it so well. but what i didnt know was the only person i was hiding my addiction from was myself. one day i was at one of my fellow users houses and decided to take a shot. as soon as the belt came off my arm i saw 4 of everything i just remember someone saying just lay back u'll be allright. i did and i wasnt. i stopped breathing and turned blue. the people i was with, thank god knew what they were doing injected me with salt water about 10 times to get me back. i went into work the following day and my boss said he knew i was doing heroin and made me call rehabs and make an appointment. i went to outpatient for 4 sessions and gave up. i just recently did heroin again (about 1 1/2 weekes ago) but havent done it since. the only way to describe the addiction is that you never forget. there is always a war going on inside your head and sometimes you lose a battle or two but you can only hope you'll come out alive. reading your story made me cry because every heroin addict thinks exactly the same and will do anything do get high. i would have and i still cant trust myself. heroin just takes over and makes you think in a completly different way. its a constant battle i know what your daughter went through and its horrible. your story touched me and inspired me and i can only hope the same for others.
catherine <cevering10@hotmail.com>
joppa, md USA - Friday, May 18, 2007I would like to express my deepest sympathy regarding your loss. Like a lot of people that have left comments, I too am a struggling- to- recover heroin addict. I am a 30 year old mother of 2 beautiful children. I somehow got addicted to heroin a year ago after someone offered me a "powdered form of vicodin used in hospital IV's", when I was withdrawaling from hydrocodone. I was basically tricked into buying it, thinking it was what he said it was. I feel like such a fool, but, as you probably know, along with addiction comes desperation. After a week or so, when I didnt have any, I got so sick. That is when my "friend" told me the truth about what he had sold to me. He also admitted that he too was addicted to heroin, and was making me pay double so he could get his fix also. Again, I am an educated, smart person who cannot believe how stupid I was. Some friend. My little love affair with heroin grew into a full fledged 24/7 marraige. I did not know who the paerson was that I was staring at in the mirror. Sometimes I still dont. All the things I said I would never do, I have done. I have stolen, lied, been to jail, hurt, and so on and so forth. Trying to regain my relationship with my family is the hardest part of my recovery. I struggle every day trying to stay clean, but somehow I cant. I tell myself every day that this will be the last time, and that I can just tough it out tomorrow. But tomorrow comes, and I give myself the same excuse. I attend NA meetings, I go to an I.O.P. program, I do it all. The addict in my still has everyone fooled. At least I think so anyways. I know I NEED to stop, I want to stop, and I have to stop. But I cant stop. This is the only thing in my life that I have ever told myself that I cannot do, and that is quitting heroin. I know soon I will do it. But for whatever reason, this drug can make a person so strong, and so determined, but yet so vulnerable and so weak. I need help. Its getting to the point that I want to give up completely, and that is the last thing I wnt to do. I am scared. I am scared to get sick and I am scared to fail. Hopefully in time, I will regain my strength that I once had and I will be able to overcome this. I just cant do it alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Although it is tragic, it is also a blessing in disguise. Good things can come to others from your will to share this. It has inspired me to try. And that I will do. One day at a time. God bless you, and thank you.
Jacquelyn G. <jaqui_118@yahoo.com>
Dearborn Heights, MI USA - Thursday, May 17, 2007I would love to recieve a copy of your book
please send to: Andy Fiore
212-31 W hastings
Vancouver, Canada
V6B 1G4
thank you and God bless
you are in my prayers
Andy Fiore <afiorefilm@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, Canada - Thursday, May 17, 2007your story has inspired me to keep on the road of recovery..i have been addicted to heroin for over 12 years and my girlfriend only 3...we both want to quit but have failed every time..it seems impossible yet we both know the only way we can have a healthy relationship or life is to get clean and stay clean...methadone didn't work for me in the past and i want to just do it via detox, cold turkey and then follow up with treatment..i owe myself a shot since i've never been to treatment..lately it's been in and out of jail and nothing but misery, lonliness and addiction...if you have any advice or words of encouragement, i would greatly appreciate it...thank you and take good care of yourself..you are in my prayers
Andy Fiore <afiorefilm@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, Canada - Thursday, May 17, 2007ENJOY YOUR DAY ILOVE YOU WITH MY HEART GOD BLESS YOU TAKE CARE HAVE A WOULDFULDAY ROSA <GUESSLDY75@AOL.COM>
POWHATAN, VA USA - Wednesday, May 16, 2007I am doing a little research on the topic and found your website. Your site is poignant, sad and yet inspiring. Bless you.
Peter Weeren <fpweeren@web.de>
Paderborn, NRW Germany - Wednesday, May 09, 2007I Have been battling this for over 15yrs i feel lucky to be here, what people do not realize that it is not only in big cities and only transmitted because of the need to kill the pain and was the worst thing because now I am HIV positive and the meds are causing to loose my eye site and I have family disown me here in kentucky it is so hibilly and every ones story is different i am deeply sorry for your unintintinoal reason to take a path that lesds up twards you R.I.P.
steven mcnees <pogo714@hothotmail.com>
Frankfort, ky USA - Monday, April 30, 2007I too lost my sweet daughter. She was only 31.
She had a horrible headache and was throwing up, She had a seizure and was unresponsive, I tried to do CPR and EMS came and took her to the hospital where they told me she didn't make it.
My heart goes out to you and the other families that loose our children. If you are someone reading this and have a drug problem, please get help, don't put your parents through the wrost nightmare there is...... God Bless and keep you.
Sharon's Mom <qnvictory@yahoo/com>
USA - Saturday, April 28, 2007mrs. allen you came to see a group of girls at grace cottage about a month or so ago and i didnt say much but i am just like erin but my addiction isnt just one thing. its everything. but i really appreciated you coming to speak with us. thank you and god bless you and your family.
Kandice Connor <crazykbebe@yahoo.com>
georgetown, de USA - Sunday, April 22, 2007Hi,
I'm Ashley. I personally don't have a heroin issue, but Mrs. Allen did one of her presentations at my school about a month ago and it got to me. I know an appology doesn't help much, but I don't know how to say it other than that I really care more than just pity. I hope you're family has been able to stay strong through it. The presentation opened my eyes to how bad life can really be and I'm going to continue to stay drug-free for the rest of my life. I hope others took the same outlook from your visit as I did. It's a shame to see so many people in our world end up this way. I just wanted to finally stop by and say that the presentation was really great & the best of wishes for yourself and your family. I also hope all of the people out here going through tough times the same wishes.
Sincerely,
Ashley- A high school student.
Ashley <neatxoxkid@aim.com>
N/A, N/A USA - Wednesday, April 11, 2007My husband is a Heroin Addict. He lives in constant denial. I don't have the problem you do. I live with constant blame,but yet I still stand by him each day, watching praying hoping that he will get his act together and realize that the demon from within is a torture to not only him but me as well. I worry constantly that one day I will awake and the demon has won. I have told him over and over, Heroin doesn't care what it takes from you. He doesn't listen.When he cant get his hands on Heroin he steals pain pills that have the same effect. He has very little veins left. Now shoots up in his legs. I wish there was a miracle cure for this illness. It breaks my heart to see what this demon has taken from him..I only hope and pray that I don't arise one morning to find him dead next to me. I was once told " You cant fix what is broken
only he can fix it"....And this is tough love they say. Soon he will be hitting rock bottom, his actions speak clearly to me. He has lied stolen and has said very hateful words to me, it has broken my spirit, yet I stay. Can anyone help me to understand? I pray for those who have had to endure the loss of one that has died from this illness, and I pray for the ones that are on a trail of self destruction...Sue
Susan <slonative58@sbcglobal.net>
Atascadero, CA USA - Monday, April 09, 2007I have a daughter that started using at the age of 13. Today she is 17 years old and at last free of drugs. I know every parent goes into denial about anything dark about their kids. The first time I found out there was no time for denial. My soul knew she was on something. I took her for a drug test immediately. the next day I took her to a very prominent member of our community, who has struggled with drugs for 17 years. the first thing I was told was that it is my fault. I should have never divorced my husband. What does that have to do with it. the next thing he pulled out a bible and my daughter (high as a kite) had to read for him. I got up told him I would rather have a child on drugs that will recover than a Jesus freak that is just another addiction. I cried all the way home. I asked my creator to give me signs. I walked in and put the T.v on. Oprah was on she was interviewing James Frey - a recovered drug addict who wrote a book "A million little pieces". I cried and cried and cried. Then I dried my tears and got up out of the ashes so to speak. "nobody has the ability to help her, you can." I said to myself. It took me nine months to get my child clean. I spend all my time with her. So, here I am. I know I have to open a drug rehab centre on the plot we stay on. It has been pressing on my hart. Everything happens with a reason that I know. The moment the light begins to shine in their eyes again you are on the winning path. I didn't use Dogma to get my child clean. I used common sense and it worked.
rudiane evert <dreambuild.telkomsa.net>
centurion, pta south africa - Monday, April 09, 2007I have a daughter that started using at the age of 13. Today she is 17 years old and at last free of drugs. I know every parent goes into denial about anything dark about their kids. The first time I found out there was no time for denial. My soul knew she was on something. I took her for a drug test immediately. the next day I took her to a very prominent member of our communit, who has struggled with drugs for 17 years. the first thing I was told was that it is my faukt. I should have never divorced my husband. What does that have to do with it. the next thing he pulled out a bible and my daughter (high as a kite) had to read for him. I got up told him I would rather have a child on drugs that will recover than a Jesus freak that is just another addiction. I cried all the way home. I asked my creator to give me signs. I walked in and put the T.v on. Oprah was on she was interviewing James Frey - a recovered drug addict who wrote a book "A million little oieces". I cried and cried and cried. Then I dried my tears and got up out of the ashes so to speak. "nobody has the abaility to help her, you can." I said to myself. It took me nine months to get my child clean. I spend all my time with her. So, here I am. I know I have to open a drug rehab centre on the plot we stay on. It has been pressing on my hart. Everything happens with a reason that I know. The moment the light begins to shine in their eyes again you are on the winning path. I didn't use Dogma to get my child clean. I used common sense and it worked.
rudiane evert <dreambuild.telkomsa.net>
centurion, pta south africa - Monday, April 09, 2007Dear Mrs. Allen,
I am a 7 grader at Springer Middle School. I have just finished your book today and I cannot even begin to understand how you feel. I know heroin is a very strong drug, but my father and brother do drugs. I know it's not Heroin, but it is pot. It is very hard to cope with knowing that you could lose those you love at any given moment. You must be very strong to tell your daughter's story. I just wouldn't be able to handle it. I know when I am in 8 grade, you will come visit my school. Then, I get a better consept of how to deal with my father. If my dad wouldn't have somked pot, then my brother would not be in this position.
God bless you, and stay strong. Kristin Spencer <BAYBEKristin@aim.com>
Newark, De USA - Sunday, April 08, 2007so my name is Rhonda and im and recovering herion addict in someways and not.i have 2 kids that mean the world to me there all i have left.about 6 years ago i started with little opits like oxy vicidion and that went on for about 2 years .then something happened my mother died when i lost my mom i lost my bestfriend i also worked for her and i ended up with my sisters 4 kids and nobody helping me mot my moms husband or family only me and my boyfriend.a friend came over with some herion an was like try this i was so sick of not gettin high from the other drugs i juat needed something to make me feel good and relax welll boy did it i didn't relize iwas gonna stick a needle in my arm i thought we wouls snort it but my boyfriend decided to do it like that an a friend of mine so i was like fuck it oooh my god it was the best feeling anyonecould ver have i was lost from there on.i started seling my stuff i got busted with 65 bags of herion they came and took my sisters kids evrything was falling apart.THANK GOD THEY DIDNT TAKE MY KIDS CAUSE IF THEY DID I WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE LOST.I FINALLY FOUND MY STEP DAD MY BOYFRIEND AND I MY KIDS MOVD OUT WITH HIM IN THE COUNTRY I SOLD MY CAR WAS DEALIMG WITH DCFi hated it but i new .finally one night the cops should up an arrested my botfriend he stood in jail for 4 months ao he was gettin clean no mattter what.i found a doctor who helps people with a pill called suboxone this pill has saved my life it saved my bolyfriends life finally after 5 6 years we had money a car.it was awesome but then we live in a small town so nobody would give us a chance we were HOMELESS FOR2 YEARS because of are past it just kept comin back to haunt us no matter how hard we tryed to get away.finally my boyfriend and i decided to move to burlington away fromk all the bull.things were so perfect we had concord the impossiable but we had jobs money and he asked me to marry him so nov 11 2006 we got married iwas so happy!!!!!!!are lives were so good the kids werehappy then dec 11th2006 he fell of a 50 foot roof an didnt make it.8 years we were together an after 2 months of marraige h died wow i thought i was spending my life with this man.i hated god i was like what are you doing punishing me are my kids next this is what i felt like .and the devil got me again after 2 yhears i relapesed i dont know if i wnted to die because of everything being homeless an addict gettin clean tryin so hard for god to take my rock it was crazy.i went and bought 3 80s an put it in my hand and again all the pain washed away and i did this for amonth and finally woke up 1 morning and said your broke your kids are going through a hard time to an all i was thinking about was my pain how selfish.i went to my doctor and asked for help and got back into concealing an now i havebeen clean for 2 months and its hard everyday its a fight but im happy i have money my kids have me ne not the drug in me.i miss him so much and most of the time i dont know how to go on iys hard to get out of bed but i promise that because life is so short my husband was24 life is short im gonna start living it with happiness,joy and be the best mom i can be so they never go through what i go throgh.they are my future and i have to make it right .people with addictions dont have deases we have a problem an if som etime someone would just put out a hand.i would i wish i could take care of everone who was once like me and i will someday for now i have to get strong and thats what im workin for.i hope ross is up there with erin laughing and living peaceful now because they deserve to rest!!!!!!!!!
Rhonda Bell <juza3ofus@yahoo.com>
burlington, vt USA - Friday, April 06, 2007My name is Lisa and I am a divorced mother of two beautiful girls, 11 and 8 yrs old. I was searching the web for information on different types of addiction as I have a friend that I work with that I feel may have an issue with this.
I sent this site to my 11 year old daughter to read for 2 reasons. The first is; my ex husband is a heroin addict. When we met as kids, he wasn't but well into his late 20's and early 30's he decided to start dabbling in the drug. His addiction has lead him into jail many, many times and my children have not seen him in almost 3 years now. My oldest daughter suffers the most as she was the one that had a relationship with him. As horrible as this sounds, I was thankful for the addiction because it was the heroin that stopped the abuse that I was living through and gave me the opportunity to pick up the pieces of my life and escape to saftey. Along with my ex, my best friend is an addict. In fact, she became an addict along with him.
Today, my ex resides in state prison. I have mixed emotions about his "jail time". When he is released, he is obviously clean. It's at that time that I fear most for my life. He is in prison for breaking into my home 4 days after he was released from county jail. It takes a while, but he always goes back to the drug.
I feel for my children, especially my 11 year old. I know that with everything that she hears about the drug, she must be so afraid. She is aware of his addiction and the revolving door of the jail cell. She knows that I am the reason he continues to remain in there. The only consolation that I feel I can give her is to tell her that it's better for him to be in jail than on the street. Every day that he is there is another day that he will stay clean and alive. Just as you felt when you didn't want to bail your daughter out.
I hope that someday, my daughter reflects back on this and on the life of her father. I can only hope that the reality of everything will make her strong when the day comes and someone offers her drugs.
I hope that as time goes by the good memories of your daughter become more prominent and the bad fades away.
I want to thank you for sharing your story so openly. Hopefully, it will do some good in someone's life, including mine.
Lis Snyder
L. Snyder <LisaGrubs@aol.com>
Raritan, NJ USA - Thursday, April 05, 2007I never knew you. But I am sad to see you've gone. So many others still living their lives, their pain still lingers on. What will stop this awful rage? What will calm the flames? So many faces taken too soon, so many familiar names. If your heart was an ocean, I would ask you gave it all. To drown the flames that burn this world, to stop the weak from thier fall. When angels wings were given to you, you became the light. That will guide the others through the darkness, and bring them a new light.
TO Erin's family & friends...I have also lost a loved one to the evil of Heroin. My heart reaches out to you, know that you are not alone.
Amy
Amy Arnold <zoemom2000@hotmail.com>
Summit Hill , PA USA - Wednesday, April 04, 2007Happy birthday baby. I love you. Mom
Mom
wilmington , de - Tuesday, April 03, 2007mrs. allen, you did a speaking at my middle school.. graned it's been a long time ago, i still remember it as if it was yesterday.. i was in the 8th grade.. i've since graduated and started college... i graduated in 2004, so like i said it has been a long time. i can remember everything that you said... your words, and the pictures... the ironic thing is, even tho you came there and spoke at my school.. i somehow managed to make a few wrong choices that turned into something that i could and would have never thought would be! i mean, all around.. i was a good kid. i got good grades, i didn't give my parents a hard time... but for some reason.. i started using heroin.. i'm not sure why. but like your daughter said in her diary entry... i too was hooked after the first time..then when i started using the needle.. that was an addiction all in itself.. i don't know why i did it, i liked the feeling of it. then after i liked it, my body needed it.. like erin i only ended up in and out of jail and rehabs... i'm only 21 years old.. and i've lived more then most people who are 50.. i just haven't lived the right way. i live in cecil county.. and i went to balitmore everyday .. i ended up getting caught down there quite a few times.. and eventually no one would bail me out.. and in a way now, i kind of thank them for that.. when i got released from jail.. i went right back to the way that i was before. then for some reason back in december. everything changed.. my probation officer was getting ready to violate me for coming up dirty twice a week, every week, for about 6 months. i still remember the last time iused.. december 8th 2006... hopefully that will be the last day that i do! anywy i just wanted to thank you for everything that you're doing for all the kids, i hope that within the next 3 years you will make you way to Rising Sun High School.. and speak. my brother attends there and isn't due to graduate until 2010, and i've told him on a few occasions about you, and your daughter.. well i've taken up enough of your time.. thank you again, and you truely are a blessing
jackie
USA - Tuesday, March 27, 2007Marie,
Your husband came in our pizza shop the other day...I asked him where he worked..he told me GM...i asked what dept...he told me family svc..getting the EEs the help they need..I said i see a lot of people w/all kinds of problems...i see too many kids & adults walking by w/addiction problems...he said that problems don't discriminate....young & old, rich & poor....we all have problems.....i agreed...i said how you handle them makes the difference...i sometimes don't handle them so well......i had a St.Marks sweatshirt on, and he asked if I had any kids....i said yes, 2 boys, ages 17 & 5. He said that he had something for me & he brought me in the book "Dope Help"....and then he told me how his young daughter died from doing heroin...I was dumbfounded....but i know it happens.....I have a sister-n-law whose sister is recovering from Heroin & other drugs since her highschool days..she too is bi-polar...she's getting her masters degree in counseling..she want's to help teenagers with addiction...she'll be great....she still has her ups and downs but for the most part she is staying on the recovering path; my husband's cousin is 30 and started using heroin in his 20's....then he got addicted to the Methadone...he has since gone back to Heroin...he hasn't been right since his 20s.....our 1st pizza guy was a recovering cocaine addict...he fell off the wagon 3 times while working for us, so we had to let him go.....we tried to be Christ's hands extended to him...and we were, but we had to let him go wreck havoc with his own life.....I know he hates what he does & i see how he put himself in with the wrong people.....& how quickly not going to meetings, hanging out with the wrong crowd caused him to lose everything quickly.....and how it affected his 3 girls.....it was emotionally draining for me & i was just his boss.... I still pray for him & his family....I HATE ADDICTION!!!!!!!! Addiction of any kind........my nephew was raised in a loving family, just like Erin...had a great childhood, started partying in college & did cocaine....he stole from his family, & he hurt a lot of people....lost a lot of good jobs....that's when we knew he had a problem with something.....Hopefully he is on the road to recovery...hopefully he realizes life is more than just drinking or drugging and having a so called "good time".
My youngest son's teacher has a daughter whose 19 or 20 and has been diagnosed Bi-polar.....she's not taking her medicine...she hates how it makes her feel & i hope she's not self medicating like Erin did.......I will give them a copy of your book "Dope Help"......
There was a girl I met @ DMA-DE Military Acadamey, who was diagnosed Bi-polar.....and she too hates taking the medicine...she hates how it makes her feel....she just wants to feel normal too...she said that she doesn't feel like herself when she's on it....I hope she doesn't self medicate..she too is a Bright, beautiful girl....i would like to get a copy of Dope Help to her & her mother.
My 17 yr.old is drinking on the weekends...i showed him the book "Dope Help" & want him to read it...I showed him all of Erin's pictures & said look at her Zach....she was a happy, beautiful girl who didn't plan to become a drug addict.......all it took was one bad choice......she didn't plan on it.....she didn't plan on it...she hated it.....she hated what it did to her family......she hated what it did to her.......He wasn't as moved or touched by Erin's story( I pray that God changes his heart & that Zach gets a right thinking about life & drugs .....life is good....Drugs destroy....Drinking destroys too.
Thankyou for sharing your's & Erin's story........I hope the telling of it will save many a young person from the road to HEll on Drugs....I know it will help many addicts feel that their story too is being told.....
I am so sorry for your loss.........I am thankful for your faithfulness in telling Erin's story.........I am grateful to God for giving your family (whole family one last time together)......I hope my boys stay away from Drugs....& I hope my oldest doesn't think that life is about weekend partying...Thank you again for telling the story...God Bless You & Your family.jd
Jeanne Deal <Jeannedeal1@aol.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Tuesday, March 27, 2007Mrs. Allen, you need to check out the huge 4 page article on the epidemic of heroin/oxycontin use in my area (Boston suburbs) at southofboston.com, re: Enterprise
Deana
Ma USA - Sunday, March 25, 2007HEY Now! ONLY EARS TO HEAR WILL UNDERSTAND> I just wrote a long well thought out letter about my 'Angel' "Erin" and how I too accidentally found Erin on the internet, by accident[but I lost it]. I wanted to say, how I wanted to Help others in the process of getting Clean, Free, Healthy and Wise, Yep I made to the top of the mountain, it's been 7 years now CLEAN, after 28 years of trying to get out of the MIX first, Fix second, and out of my Bones, it was terrible, awful, I was searously Sick etc..The herion had seaped into my bones. I would not want that "cold Turkey" on anyone.It took FOUR YEARS for my mental and phyical health to recover and three years more to feel, strong enough to find an easier solution to help others to this herion situation, In my own recovery I discoverd ,that, you have to have your Mind, Body, Soul and Spirit all lined up, look at it, like this,We 'Human Beings' were made a little above the universe SEE: theres the Universe, the Stars, the Planet, Earth, your Body, your skin,muscles, bones,blood, molicules, cells and "Energy" We are made of "Energy". What is Energy? No one can explane it, it just is, It is the SAME difinition that we use for the word "GOD". GOD is every where, so is "Engery" Every thing is made of "Energy YOU are made of 'Energy" ONE and the SAME! Got it? So I asked my "Angel" for help, and she said "Tell them the "SECRET" So I'm going to tell you the "SECRET" Look it up on the internet it's called "THE SECRET" and when you reach recovery, then look up "Peace CELLs" that also well help you in your recovery Take your recovery Seriously, you only have one LIFE, take Good Care Of 'Self'.. and when you make it out into the Land of Recovery, take care of "SELF" yourself. Blessing.... Blessing....Good LUCk .P.S. When YOU have recoverd, Share \The Secret with others Blessing...
Coyote <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, March 24, 2007I think that I wrote here once a few years ago, and today, I stumbled upon your site again. Any story of struggle leaves me to question my own. I, too, am a heroin addict, struggling to maintain my sanity. I entered into the rooms of NA about 16 months ago and have not been able to put together more than 4 1/2 months of clean time. Relapse is a huge part of my story, 6 times in the last year, a year that follows 25 years of using. I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it, but I do pray to god that he may continue to look over me, and keep me safe from the death that I am sure to face if I continue on this long, lost path. I guess that I write here today to extend my condolences to you for your loss in hopes that today will not be the day that I pick it up again. I can only pray that the misery stops before my dying day arrives... Peace
Char <Butterflyfree104@aol.com>
Millbrook, NY USA - Tuesday, March 20, 2007DEAR MRS. ALLEN,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAD THE GREAT EXPERIENCE OF MEETING ERIN AND WAS EVEN ABLE TO PLAY A FEW BOARD GAMES WITH HER AS WELL. WE WERE ON "VACATION" AT THE SAME TIME. IT IS DEFINITELY WHAT SAVED MY LIFE. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME THAT SAW ERIN & I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY, WHAT COULD SHE HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO BE HERE. TURNED OUT THAT WE WERE BOTH THERE FOR THE SAME REASON - DRUGS! SHE HAD THIS ANGELIC SENSE ABOUT HER. SHE MADE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE/AT EASE TO BE AROUND HER. I REMEMBER THAT THEY MOVED HER TO ANOTHER PART OF THE PRISON - NOW I KNOW WHY. BUT I MISSED TALKING AND PLAYING THE GAMES WITH HER. I ALSO REMEMBER BEING IN A MEETING AFTER GETTING OUT OF PRISON AND HEARING ABOUT HER GOING HOME TO BE WITH THE OTHER ANGELS. IT TRULY BROKE MY HEART! I HAVE OFTEN THOUGHT OF ERIN. WHEN I DO, I LOOK UP AND I SMILE, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT SHE HAS NO MORE PAIN AND SUFFERING NOW! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR/HER BOOK. IT WAS VERY TOUCHING, AND I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE MY 15 YR OLD DAUGHTER READ IT AS WELL! PLEASE DONT STOP YOUR CRUSADE. GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR FAMILY - ALWAYS!
JENNIFER L HUGHES <meluvjwh1998@yahoo.com>
HARRINGTON, DE USA - Monday, March 19, 2007my mother is not a heroin addict but is addicted to cocain she is currently in crest so many times I could have lost my mother but god brought her back to me, Mrs. allen i am 15 and ONLY smoke weed. you and your daughters story have touched me deeply i can relate to erin having depression and bi-polar i am afriad that my emotions will lead me to more serious drugs and i don't want to be like my mother or end up all alone and dead my sister is a year older than me and is already pregnant she is more wild than me and i am scared for her after she has that baby and catch up with all the partying that she has missed i just want to say i feel your pain and thank you for passing on your daughters story.
Alexandria Rivera < rcollis@colonial.k12.de.us>
newcastle, de USA - Monday, March 19, 2007WE all have it "Good and Evil" some have the "WILL" to do it and some won't even "Try", but for sure, ether or your going to "CRY" so get over with, Do, "COLD TURKEY" and if you Make it! Whow!! FReedom, free air, water, taste, Life, second chance..COLD TURKEY is the way to fly..Blessing...
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, March 17, 2007COLD TURKEY???????? THEN DO IT!
sTACKALACK
USA - Saturday, March 10, 2007hey marie..its been awhile since i had talked to you...how are you? im pretty good in the process of getting help ..still i just can't give up. stay safe and agian im sorry for your loss
Jessie <buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
chicago, il USA - Saturday, March 10, 2007Mrs. Allen, My name is Andrew Hague and I live in the Wilmington area. My son attends Springer Middle school and was there for your visit. He came home visibly touched by you and your beautiful daughter. He brought to me the story of her and I was also deeply moved. Your love, strength and devotion should be a marker for all families. I cannot fathom the pain that you must feel, a parents love is like the space in the Heavens, but if your sharing of this tragedy can help another family defeat this monster, may God stand beside you and give you strength for your fight... My families thoughts and prayers are with you and yours
Most Sincerely
Andrew Hague and the Hague family
Andrew Hague <rah203@comcast.net>
Wilmington, Delaware USA - Friday, March 09, 2007Hi Marie. You visited my school (Saint Mary Magdelen on Concord Pike) earlier this year. My name is Kyle and i am in 8th grade. I was one of the boys that helped carry your equipment back to your car after the your presentation. I was hoping i would never have to deal with this but some1 that i am close to is struggling with a heroin and coke addiction. He doesnt seem to want to do anything to help himself no matter how hard people try and he sees things now and has turned away the people he loves. It seems as if all anyone can do is just watch him kill himself because he is completely resistant to help. Its truly sickening. What are we suppose to do?
Kyle <KSportz1213@aim.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, March 08, 2007Hi marie Im still around! thank you for the book-I have read it twice - if you need 2 talk im here
christine <krskrazi@aol.com>
pittsburgh, pa USA - Monday, March 05, 2007I read Erin's story and all the condolences and thought what an impact. I too, am a heroin addict, I am not currently using but am on the Methadone program which I can say has in itself saved my life. I graduated a 2 year drug program here in Durham NC and was doing great,had a car the program gives you once you complete the 2 years all you do is pay for the parts. This is a non profit program so it does not cost a penny to enter and they supply you with everything from clothing, hygiene products, cigarettes if you smoke and everything. There are about 350 people there and it is about 75 woman the rest are men, this in not you typical wake up and go to classes all day program, they use the old behaviour modification system and it works, the success rate it pneominal. When you get to 21 months there you can decide to go on work out in which you and a group of your peers go looking for a job. Once you have obtained a job you hand you paycheck into an account they set up for you and at the 24th month of finishing you can take your money and leave and ger your own place of you can stay at what they have as their own properties they have built for graduates and you basically live in a house or apartment with 2-3 other graduates and the rent is like 300 a month that covers all utilites and all. Or you can move out and get your own place, or at 21 months you can stay on as a scholar, meaning you can live in the scholar dorms still work for TROSA and they will pay for your school. At a year one is eligible to take a college course at Durham Tech if they have a Diploma or GED and if not they have free GED classes with tutor each Tues and Thurs nights so you can get your GED which I have seem quite a few people due. The last thing you can do at 21 months is submit a proposal to stay on at TROSA as a staff memeber in the department of your choice and if they feel they need you and they have a meeting about it and you are accepted you stay on what they call staff in training for one year, they give you 450 dollars a month in your account and you live in staff housing after one year you become a full staff member and you get paid more depending on where you work, see whe you enter TROSA you are put on Internship for thirty days and after completing that you than become a resident and get a job they have built up so many of their own companies being non profit the largest beign TROSA MOVING they have a very large moving co. in the Triangle and I worked there they pull in at least 3 million a year its all profit but it goes to the residents, to cloth, feed, and medical bills and all the utilities and they have an Ebay dept which I help build from scratch they also have an In Kind Donation Dept where they have residence call on companies and explain what TROSA is about and get donations, each person has their own category (hygiene, car parts, office supplies, clothing, computer supplies whatever you can think of and this is tax write offs for these companies who donate this stuff so it works for eveyone).TROSA taught me how to be me, and no afraid of my addiction in a way that I can do other things with my life and they get that manipulation, lying and all that out of you believe me they do. The basis of the program is set up so uniquley you would have to be a resident who went through it to really understand it. To no fault of its own I relapsed and I picked myself up really quick usually I would be like Erin in jail or hustling or getting in trouble,stealing or back in rehabs. I relapsed and 3 weeks later said forget this I have to stop so I kept trying to go to detox but I kept playing tricks on myself with my mind that I wanted more heroin and this and so on, so I left again and joined the methadone program and have been clean since, I know people knock methadone but it is better than shooting a needle in your arm, running the streets, being in jail or rehab, I was able to keep my job I have never had a job for 18 months,got a somewhat new car, still live in the apartment I got when I left TROSA, another thing is you are not aloud to associate with the mens program unless work related for one year after that if you and the gentleman both have a year you may talk and if you are interested you may date but have to get approval. I met my boyfriend who lives with me now there, he was a graduate doing well for 2 years he relapsed on crack but came back and did a 6 month clean up and when I got my 2 years we got a place together and all went well, we are no longet dating but we still live together, right now I am out of work long story but I am looking and also been detoxing off the methadone, I am down to 40mg for anyone that knows about methadone that is not alot so I am trying to find a 2 to 3 weeks program I can go to so they can get me off the rest the 40mg and I can be back to normal.I may have to start again but I have the tools, the support and what I took from TROSA with me and that is I want to live today and I would love for one person to read this and get into this program it is 100% free the # is 919-419-1059 pass the word and than maybe someone if just one person will not have to suffer for the remainder of their lives like Erin's mom and family. I had many about 7 great friends die in NY where I am originally from over heroin overdoses and it tears one apart. I also ran those same streets of Allegheny and Kensington in Philly off D street where Erin did. I am struggling today I am somewhat clean I can say yes I do methadone but I am living and I am still pushing. GOD BLESS ALL. Make it you can I did and I was an addict since 13, an addict of heroin since 17 and I am 33. Thanks Hollie
Hollie <hollie_chaimowitz@yahoo.com>
Raleigh, NC USA - Thursday, March 01, 2007COLD TURKEY
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
Seward, AK USA - Thursday, February 15, 2007I,m so sorry for your loss. By reading the stories I feel I,m not alone. I have two daughters that are both herion additcs. I have been through alot to try to help them, as alot of people say you cant they have to want it. I,m so emotionally drained I feel I can,t hold on, but I have to for my grandson that we have custody of. If there is anyone that would like to chat with someone feeling the same way . that would be great!
susan stershic <sstershic@cfl.rr.com>
port orange, florida USA - Thursday, February 15, 2007I am in the process of reading your book in health class and so far it is a wonderful book. It caught me the second I started reading it. At first, I was not really excited to read a book at that moment... But I knew I had to do it because it was a class assignment. As words.. sentences.. paragraphs went on, I was in a new world, ready to read the rest of the book... Next thing I knew.. I was being called to the office for early dismissal. haha. But I am very anxious to go back in class next monday and continue reading your book. Thank you for being brave and caring to help others with all your emotions to tell your story. --Kelley--
Kelley <smyrna2010@aol.com>
Newark, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2007Hi Marie my name is Gwen I'm trying to get a hold of you to see if you could do a Heroin Alert in March for Skyline Church and the Pike Creek Area.
Please let me know how I set this up.
Gwen <Gwen1068@hotmail.com>
wilmington, DE USA - Sunday, February 11, 2007My 21 year old son is a heroin addict. I am being torn apart. He has gone thru detox & rehab 5 times in the last 2 years. We are a broken family. It is very hard to continue a normal life when all you think about is when the phone call will come asking you to come identify the body. The body I gave birth to, nurtured and love with all my heart. He is my youngest of 3 sons. My oldest son died at 18 because he was born handicapped and that in intself was torture. This is worse. At least I helped my oldest son and knew what I was dealing with. I can't help this son, I've tried. He lies, steals and is good at it. He's been arrested and was just asked to leave his recovery house. Will I ever see him again? If I do, will it be to identify his body? Will he go to prison? Probably all of the above eventually. I don't know what happened to my little boy. I don't blame myself... I know I can't do a thing about it.. HE HAS TO HELP HIMSELF.. Only he can help himself... noone else can do it for him. I have never felt so hopeless in all my life. I feel dead inside. He has never been a disrespectful young man. He is liked by everyone who meets him BUT only he likes heroin better than anything else in his life. Thank you for the website and am very sorry for your loss... I have a feeling his name will appear on a website someday. It's in God's hands now. I will love him no matter what, forever & ever but I know he can never come home again or be trusted.
Bonnie <Tinigal55@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, February 10, 2007im interest in safe modes ,web,site,pharmacy where i can order medication that i need to continuose my life
bakerol <bbaakkeerrooll@yahoo.com>
skopje, macedonia - Wednesday, February 07, 2007Marie: Your site is so important to all who suffer with heroin addiction in themselves or those they love.
I lost the love of my life and my best friend to a heroin overdose this past summer, 2006. He was a brilliant attorney and I miss him every minute of every day.
I am not a drug user--so this was all new to me, your site made it very real.
May knowing that you help all of us make your grief abate just a bit.
Best regards,
Susan
Susan Grimes <Susanrgrimes@mac.com>
NJ USA - Sunday, February 04, 2007Marie: Your site is so important to all who suffer with heroin addiction in themselves or those they love.
I lost the love of my life and my best friend to a heroin overdose this past summer, 2006. He was a brilliant attorney and I miss him every minute of every day.
I am not a drug user--so this was all new to me, your site made it very real.
May knowing that you help all of us make your grief abate just a bit.
Best regards,
Susan
Susan Grimes <Susanrgrimes@mac.com>
NJ USA - Sunday, February 04, 2007I've read every word on this site.these messages finally made me loose few tears.not as much in emphaty as in fear.i'm twenty.Doing drugs is the only thing I'm able to linger on for seven{this number is every year more scary}years.Been on many rehabs.longer,shorter,methadon,resocialization...still puttin that f... shit in my veins.I've done except murder everything to get my stuff.Feels really cheap,i can tell ya.And except death I have suffered through all the torture one can imagine.Right now I'm preparing for detox.Coz I'm scared.I cannot trust in myself anyhow.Just fear and pain and shame can change me.Nothing good ever made me want to do things better..Maybe your girl was just like me.Please pray for me as I will pray for Erin.I'm too ashamed to pray for myself at these days.God bless u all
Luca <lueesa@azet.sk>
central EU - Friday, February 02, 2007HI MRS.ALLEN-I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW ITS DAY 7 AND IM HERE AGAIN-IM NOT JUST DOING IT FOR ME ANYMORE - ERIN IS REAL TO ME AND IM DOING IT FOR HER TO-IM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS
christine brown <krskrazi@aol.com>
verona, PA USA - Friday, February 02, 2007Your story is so real to me. My 23yr. young stepson is a heroin & now crack addict. This has been tormenting our entire family for the past 7 years. I t is at it's worst currently. When do you stop answering the pleas for money, the mind games, and the constant worry that copnsumes your daily living??? It is literally killing me. I can't sleep, can't eat, & constantly worry about his well being. He drifts in & out of everyone's life. It may be days, weeks, or even ,months before you hear from him or someone he knows & then when you do all they want is money for more. How many beatingns does he have to tke to learn that this is no way of living?? I just cannot understand why such a strong young man who has so much to live for can't get clean & stay clean. We have been thru rehab after rehab, jail time after jail time & nothing seems to make him hit rock bottom. I just am so overwhelmed at this point. No one seems to understand why I just can't give up, why I can't stop worrying. I don't know anymore I just know that this young man has so much life to live & that this path he is going down is gonna either send him to jail for a very long time or kill him, and in the process it will tear each one of his sister & brothers hearts, his father & my heart, & his mothers heart. God Bless your family & keep the word out so that it may save a life or 2
Shannon Smith <queeniep1026@hotmail.com>
HP, MI USA - Friday, February 02, 2007i HAVE 6 DAYS CLEAN - I AM 33 YEARS OLD I HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD SON AND I HAVE ALREADY DONE 10 YEARS IN PRISON-IREAD YOUR DAUGHTERS STORY AND I PRINTED IT TO HANG ON MY WALL-SHE WAS SO INSITEFUL IN HER DIARY AND I RELATE TO EVERY WORD-I PRAY GOD GIVES ME ERIN FOR MY GARDIAN ANGEL
CHRISTINE BROWN <KRSKRAZI@AOL.COM>
VERONA, PA USA - Thursday, February 01, 2007Dear Erin's mother & family I am so sorry for your lost which is great one. I am a mother of a herion addict who is in prison at the moment for his possesion and love affair with this awful drug. I have hope and I keep praying. Thanks for your heart felt website.
bertie <bertiejno@aol.com>
burbank, ca USA - Thursday, February 01, 2007hello. erins story is quite overwhelming and im sorry of erins loss and yours. ive been addicted to heroin injecting and occassional "speedballing" since january 06'. I just turned 23 a couple a months ago. i was up to shooting up a gram a day by myself and decided one day after losing my job, my savings and some of my treasured possessions, to go "cold turkey". i just shut the running faucet and went through my sickness for a week. it was hard knowing where to get it and just not doing it. it was hard not to steal from my parents whom i live with. all i can say rehab doesnt make people quit, people cant make people quit, only the user can quit if they really want to. that wasnt the first time i had quit just the first time i had quit succesfully, i had tried numerous times and couldnt get past a day, because i was quitting for the wrong reasons. ive been sober for 3 months now and feel pretty good now. the hardest part is over. i take one day at a time. i still consider myself an addict because i loved the way it felt, but i just hate the person i became. i just found out im a month pregnant and so proud that i quit when i did. im happy that atleast gave my body a chance to be sober before my baby came to be. now i have to hope that my years of drug abuse wont effect my babies development. ive suffered one miscarriage in 03' and it was painfully difficult to go through, and i hope not to go through that again. i respect myself now and my baby to be. i wish everyone the best, my best of luck to all of you. christina <farbeyondandgone@aol.com>
weslaco, tx USA - Wednesday, January 31, 2007Well, I sure can't say that Life is bad, because it's been WONEDERFUL for me, And all I had to do was COLD TURKEY! Come on all you tuff people, gangsters, junkies, hard core, you know damm well what the deal was, you score now, play up later to those evil little thouhts in side your heart, right there near your Mind, where you first thought ,How YOU, not the Devil, cause all this smell[shit] you find yourself in a terrible twisted downward spiral on a one way street to Misery, and you find that EVIL, that you have caused and come acustom too, and probably sharing with Your LOVE ones, is turning the Family into a hell of a MESS, What you going to Do? COLD TURKEY!!! Because you dug your own HOLE, surrounded yourself with lieing,stealing, and cheating, what do you expect, I myself, THOUGHT , maybe because I was misled, that GOD? would show up,help me?, save me?, forgive me? NO that did'nt happen, WHOA! Thats when you face the other part of yourself, like the MOON[the other side of the moon, the part we never see] and to fine that missing part is up to you to return to the place of peace of MIND, sleep, apatite etc...that's going to take balls, if you want to find GOOD,in yourself it's gotta come from within, there where you'll fine GOD, he stays inside your heart, his only place of resadent is with you, Your going to have to go there , in order to fine GOOD inside yourself, vs. EVIL, your going too, have to, COLD TURKEY, mind you it ain't easy, chances are your not going to make it, physically, so don't do it alone, have a loveing Family around yourself, because thats God Angles teaming up with your GOOD {yourself] to cast the Evil out, that has taken resadent inside your heart, replace it with Good, you'll be suprise, how wonederful LIFE can be, will be and I'm looking forward to make up in a GOOD way the lost time of not giving to Human Beings the GOOD that was in me, and liveing with Evil and missory that I cause, and ,oh yes, me, My name is Nakaii and I live up north, Happy, joyies and free. Now I KOWN what Good is , because it's become one of my best Freinds and life is wonderful after being a "hope to die junkie" of 28 years of Evil ways, I can honestly say that you have two ways to choose from ,GOOD or evil, you choose your own {so called] GOd, ether will recive you. And if you make pass the COLD TURKEY, drop me a line,I live in the wilderness in the last frontier, I have a place of refuge for those who are GOOD from the inside out Blessing...
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
seward, ak USA - Tuesday, January 30, 2007Hi Erin, wish u were here. Your mom sent me a photo of u, a beautiful picture i will cherish and carry. I hope to tell people your story Erin, you deserve this. You were meant to save people. You saved me. I know you will save more. I hope to take your story to Canada Erin. A place you would have loved. With the love of your mom and others, your story will never die. Erin, you will only grow stronger as time passes by.
Love Tim................
tim tafilica <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Monday, January 22, 2007Dear Mrs. Allen, My daughter is a herion addict. She is 22 years old. She started in the exact same way as Erin (alcohol) and then progressed forward. I had her arrested for writing checks from my checkbook. She was in Jail/rehab for 3 & 1/2 months. She got out and was out for 2 weeks and right back out on the streets again. Erin's story is so close to my daughter's story that it is is eerie. I am scared every day that i will get the phone call that every parent is scared of and that you did receive. I am so very sorry for your loss. My daughter had a baby boy that is now 18 months old. He was born addicted to Heroin..that's how strong the drug is..she couldn't even stop the use while pregnant. My husband and I have custody of him. He is ok but has had a lot of help with hildrens Early Intervention, which provides, all types of therapy (speech, physical, motor skills, etc..) He has truly blessed our lives, but even with him, our daughter cannot stay straight. The same as in Erin's story, she said that the needle is an addiction as well as the drug. I couldn't comprehend that for a long time and your story helped me to understand it. Thank you for this website and I am truly sorry for your loss!
Brenda Schaffer <timmonopole@zoomtown.com>
Cincinnati, Oh USA - Sunday, January 21, 2007I came across your site while looking for something totally different. When things like this happen to me I know it is not an accident but God trying to tell me something. I am a recovering addict and I know the pain an addict suffers but can only try to imagine the parents of the person. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for your loss but believe me you are opening alot of eyes out there that do not want to be opened.. best of everything to you, keep up the good works you are doing.
teena <evilanit@aol.com>
bklyn, ny USA - Tuesday, January 16, 2007Marie, I read your book, Dope Help, and I wanted to make a comment. Your book about Erin is very powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing it with us, and more importantly - thank you for the work you are doing!! Rick Gregory
Rick Gregory <rsgregory@nccde.org>
New Castle, DE USA - Monday, January 15, 2007Hi Mrs Allen,
You came to my health class a couple days ago. I just wanted to tell you that you are by far one of the strongest women I have ever met. My brother suffered from a heroin addiction and I know it was by far hardest on my mother. She always blamed herself and thought she had done something wrong, but it wasn't her fault. I hope you dont feel guilty either. One time while attending a rehab meetin with my brother everyone was allowed to say a few words to the rest of the group and I couldnt find the words to say how I truly felt. I was mad and dissapointed and upset but mostly I was scared. You went through so much and still come to schools and share with us your hard time because you know it will help us to stay clean. After seeing you and my mom hurt I cant even think of trying heroin or any other drug. Thank you and sorry about everything that happened. You are truly a wonderful mother.
Cecilia Dawson <ceeceestar22@yahoo.com>
USA - Friday, January 05, 2007hi mrs.allen....you came to my school today and shared to my health class more details about your daughters story...i was the girl in the back corner, the only one that actually read the book. mrs.allen, i couldn't put it down....honestly, you have changed me.....though i have a few friends that are involved with heroin use, i was never this concerned until i realized what this can do to you......i know i should have givin the book back to my teacher, ms.hudson, but instead i gave it to a friend. this friend is a heroin addict of three years and is 17 turning 18 in april...when i handed her the book she looked at me and cried and then gave me a hug. mrs. allen, i can see from a few stories,[your daughters story inspired me to look up on the internet] that you can't help someone who doesnt want to be helped.... i hope my friend really does take the time to read erins story..... it hooks you and doesnt let you go, the story leaves you wanting more [like you are giving back the drug what it gave .like it was payback to the drug that destroyed a beautiful young life and showing it that you can act against it, make sence??]..like it isnt the end of erins life but mrs.allen, i pray for your family.i am so sorry about your daughter, and i hope i don't have to ever suffer the pain of loosing someone that close to this horrible drug, or the inpact it might have had.well, i know it had. erins story had so much impact on me for, one because all of this took place in my own cities!well, i would like you to know that because of your courage to share erins story with me, i have been inspired to want to help out in a rehabilitation center. if not now because i am young, than later.i am very sorry about your daughter and your family.
lauren collins <mismedalhead911@aim.com>
newark, DE USA - Wednesday, January 03, 2007I am deeply sorry for your loss and I think you are remarkably brave for sharing your story in hopes of inspiration. Just remember your daughter is an angel of GOD now. And all her pain is gone. She is at peace eternally. My boyfriend has been addicted to heroin on and off for over 5 years. We have a 2and 1/2 year old daughter. And we, ourselves are so young. I've seen him in so much pain on countless occasions, and I always wondered if the addiction was so unbearable, that maybe he wants to die. I am so beside myself, all I can do is pray and hope he gains the strength to get clean. Thank you for sharing your story. GOD bless.
janelle <iluvgia@tmail.com>
phila, pa USA - Tuesday, January 02, 2007My name is Marge Snyder and my lost Angel is my son, Brandon Hall. He died a month ago on Thanksgiving night...just a few feet above my bed in his bedroom. He was 24 yrs old and he died from a heroin overdose...they think it was laced with Fentanyl. It appears as if he died instantly. I am grateful that he was in his own bedroom at home with people who loved him and not in some alley or on some street corner. He too went to Kensington most of the time to buy his drugs.....I wonder if the police know as much about drugs in that area as the addicts do?
To explain the profound pain that I am in would be impossible. Only a parent who has lost a child could begin to understand the pain you feel when a part of you...both physically and emotionally...dies. It is not unlike having your heart ripped out of your chest. It is so hard to understand why......why our children...why was he an addict....how can this addiction be so strong? To me, heroin addiction is the one thing that is stronger than love, and so powerful that it takes the very best parts of our children and kills them first...then when any hint of our babies are gone, it starts on their bodies until there is nothing left to destroy. I found my son the next morning....he had been dead for many hours. The image of him on his floor is implanted on my brain for the rest of my life. I miss his terribly and would give my own life to give him his back. I only hope that he is finally rid of this monster and finally found some happiness.
I have been looking for a support group in my area for parents who have lost children to heroin...or at least drugs. I feel that to join another group for berieved parents would'nt work...and you know why. Our children will always be looked at differently than those who died another way.
If anyone knows of a group like this in the Aston, Pa...or Delaware county area...please email me with the info. If not, then maybe I will start one on my own.......it needs to be. My son was in Mermont twice and was denied help when he requested it three days prior to his death. This is something that I would like to work on changing.....our children need MORE help and for longer periods of time. I'm going to start by calling our politicians. We need to change the laws about rehab!
I love you Brandon. Rest in peace my angel. Mom
Marge Snyder <marge26@comcast.net>
Aston, Pa. USA - Tuesday, December 26, 2006Happy Christmas to Erin's family.
God bless Erin.
Andy.
Andy
USA - Friday, December 22, 2006This drug is the devil its self ALL DRUG DEALERS SHOULD BE HANGED AT THE END OF THE STREET!! FOR EVERYONE TO SEE- EXPOSE THEM!!
Julie Rose <julietipple@yahoo.co.uk>
uk, USA - Friday, December 22, 2006Dear Mrs. & Mr. Allen, I am a mother of a 22 yr. old daughter who was a heroin addict also. I now have a daughter who is laying in a hospital bed in a persistent vegitative state due to a heroin overdose on August 28, 2006. She died and the EMT's starter her heart again, but she was without oxygen for over 20 minutes and her brain has died. The doctors have told us there is no hope for her and that it is like keeping a corpse alive. But there is a reason her father and I have kept her alive....she was 10 weeks pregnant when this happened to her. We have a baby girl growning inside her. By some miracle, a baby's placenta will hold up to over an hours worth of oxygen and blood for a fetus to survive on separately from the mother. All the tests are showing that the baby is fine. But our daughter is not. Sadly, we will be withdrawling life support sometime after her baby is born. She told me once that if anything every happened to her like this exact situation that she's in now, to please not leave her hooked up to machines. It was like she knew some how. I wanted to tell you that when my daughter first revealed her addiction in December of 2003, the first thing I did was searched for help via internet and your daughter's story was the first thing I read. I made her read it also and begged her to get help so that something like that wouldn't happen to her. It scared me so bad. My heart went out to you and your family and still does. I had no ideal then how bad things were going to get. The worrying and not knowing if she was using or straight, knowing she could overdose and die was so stressful. I even lost a very good job with the hospital trying to keep her straight. I moved her bed into my room and made her sleep where I could she her. I would unlock the bathroom door abruptly to see if she was using....she was never the same. It made her so sick too, but she still could not stop. The paranoia and worry were a way of life. We have almost identical stories. I read Erin's story again today and just cried my eyes out for these girls. Why do they take the chance that very first time? They knew one time would be all it took to be addicted! They fault so hard, but the devil just had them by the throat. My daughter was clean for 7 months when this happened. We were so proud of her and life was beginning again for all of us. A person came to her apartment and pulled out heroin and did it in front of her and her boyfriend. They both gave in to the tempation and did the heroin. The heroin was laced with the pain drug fentanyl which is 50 to 100 times stronger then morphine and when a person gets too much mixed in with a heroin hit, it can stop their heart and breathing. That's what happened to her the doctor said. I wish I could make all the drug makers and dealers come see her and what they've done to her and her family. She was an honor student, an artist, a book worm, beautiful, sweet and funny. She wanted to be an English teacher and art therapist for patients in drug rehabs. She was our beautiful little girl and we all love her so much and tried to help her. She was not just some junkie that didn't matter! Ten days before her accident she was sick and asked to come stay at my house. This was a very unusual request. I had 2 days with her that I am so grateful for now. We had our first real grown-up conversation that I think came from expected motherhood approaching. She was asking questions that only a mother can answer from experience. I praised her for being clean and told her she stopped using not a day too soon because I had read and heard that many people were overdosing and dying on this fentanyl laced heroin. The last thing she asked me was a shock, but a blessing to know now. She asked me "How do I go about being saved through Jesus Christ mom?" Thank you very much for starting this site. It has helped me and I pray that it will help others to hear our stories. Life is a precious gift. We hope that others out there suffering will turn to help and not give up. It is a very difficult time of year for our family and sure many others as well. I know you know exactly what I mean. The pain and loss is so horrible. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for this opprotunity to vent and share my story. God bless you and your family. Edie Edie Horwitz <elsj916@yahoo.com>
Milton, DE USA - Tuesday, December 19, 2006As you have all figured out by now, we all were enablers at one point or another. Coping with this awful disease is a process. Three people in my family are addicts and 2 have gotten help, and all have relapsed at one point or another. I have grieved longer for my family members that are on drugs, than my two parents I have lost recently. This disease doesn't want to go away. Yes, there is hope, but we all need more like a miracle, and we need our loved ones to cooperate, because even though they think they have the disease, they are the furthest from the truth, because you see, we all have the disease when our loved on has it. I pray all the time that this is all just a bad dream and I wake up and everything is fields and butterflies. Wishing all of you out there, strength and someday happiness.
deana
brockton, ma USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006First, let me start off by saying that I'm sorry for your loss. I found out about this site about 6 years ago when a coworker had showed it to me because her son was friends with your daughter. I remember thinking...heroin??? The kids are doing heroin these days??? I was saddened that it had become so mainstream. I didn't know that in a few short years, I myself, would be losing my own brother to heroin. He died 3 weeks ago and nothing will ever be the same. I was online looking for information and I remembered this site. If I can do anything to help you create more public awareness or stop this madness, please email me. I feel we are all helpless against it. I worry for the future of my children
Sandy <sandra_snyder@comcast.net>
Boothwyn, PA USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006My boyfriend died from a heroin related cause yesterday afternoon.We had just celebrated a birthday together.He was 34,I was 25.I knew something was wrong after having known him for five years,( he lives(d) in Connecticut) and having him call me everyday.I knew he was using the drug( and also taking a tranquilizer) and I wish that I had hopped on a plane the first time I found out about it a few months ago( but I have a young daughter).The guilt is unbearable.He was SUCH an intelligent,talented, sensitive person. He often said he was so lonely had nothing to live for until we could be together next year. I BEGGED him to stop.It wasn't enough of course.I can't imagine my life without him. He was my best friend, and my daughter loved him.There is this huge hole in my life right now.
Jenny <jewilliamsfla@yahoo.com>
Tallahassee, Fl USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006I'm also the mother of a lost Angel..My only son passed jan 20,2006 from cocaine/heroin overdose..The emptiness in my heart is unimaginable & so very hard to explain.Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of him & missing him .This is the worse time of the last year because he loved Christmas so much.I offer u my deepest condolences & pray for all parents of Angels during this holiday season
Edith <nonna316@comcast.net>
Phila, PA USA - Saturday, December 16, 2006This is the hardest season to live through if you have lost a loved one to heroin or living with someone still using. I can only hope and pray that this holy season will allow us to remember all the beautiful memories we have of our loved ones. I know my son is no longer suffering and has finally found the peace he so needed.
Carol Michael's Mom <heygiff@fastmail.fm>
Minneapolis, MN USA - Saturday, December 16, 2006I lost my son Scott to heroin last week after a long struggle, he just came out of rehab he lapsed ,its really hard- how do you get over something like this. Mum-Julie
Julie Rose <julietipple@yahoo.co.uk>
Wiltshire, uk - Wednesday, December 13, 2006Hey my name is Brittany Im from joppatown MD! I just wanted to tell u i m rele sry to hear bout ur daughter! I actually am going threw 2 deaths at da momment My boyfriend died off meth last september 30th He was only 23 and we where supposed to get married. Its really hard losing some one you love so close to you! I am trying to help my brother get off meth he live in balitmore city so its kinda hard!! BUT MY LOVE GOES OUT TO U!!! I just wanted u 2 know be strong remember all the good time u have had wit ur daughter! DERE'S not one day i wake up thinking my boyfriends not here no more! But its been a ruff yr !! <3
Brittany <brittsnowden2007@yahoo.com>
Joppatowne, md USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2006i love someone who is addicted.i think i enable. i'm sorry for your loss, i don't know how i would cope. mag <HKITTYY69GIRL@YAHOO.COM>
pleasanton, tx USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2006dear mrs allen,
my name is danyel i have a herion addiction problem i read your daugters book i have been thru the same thing running back and forth to the city for dope i have stole lied and everything i just dont know how to fight my addiction i dont want to die and be found witth a needele sticking out of my arm please help me how do i fight the addictions
danyel ewing <nelly.420@hotmail.com>
northeast, maryland USA - Tuesday, December 05, 2006I RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT MY DAUGHTERS FATHER DIED OF A HEROIN OVERDOSE HE HAD BEEN AN ADDICT FOR 6/7 YEARS AND BECAME CLEAN IN MARCH 2002 JUST BEFORE THE BIRTH OF OUR DAUGHTER. WE SPLIT UP IN 2003/04 HE MOVED IN WITH SOMEONE ELSE. HE WAS NOT HAPPY, THEN IN NOV 2006 HE HAD HAD ENOUGH AND PHONED HIS MUM AND TOLD HER HE HAD AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE DRAGON HE WAS KEEPING. HE KEPT IT HE WAS FOUND IN AN ALLEY WITH NEEDLES HIS MOBILE PHONE AND A SPOON. HE HAD KILLED HIMSELF HE WAS ONLY 36. HE HAD GOT CLEAN BUT WAS SEVERLY DEPRESSED. HE PHONED HIS MUM AND HIS FRIENDS AND TOLD THEM. I FOUND OU5T ABOUT HIS DEATH FROM HIS SISTER. WHAT DO I TELL MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE ASKS? I WAS AN ADDICT WHEN I WAS WITH HIM I HAVE BEEN CLEAN ALMOST 5 YEARS AND HAVE HAD THOUGHTS ABOUT USING AGAIN BUT THEN I SEE WHAT I HAVE NOW AND IT MEANS MORE TO ME THAN HEROIN. I WISH I COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK AND SPEAK TO HIM CHANGE HIS MIND ANYTHING ALTHOUGH I WASN'T WITH HIM I MISS HIM DEARLY
sharon <sharon313@btinternet.com>
united kingdom - Monday, December 04, 2006 Dear Mrs Allen, My sincere condolences for your loss. Nothing any of us can say can ever console you, or return your daughter to you. But what you are doing for other people who suffer is a most beautiful thing. Instead of letting the loss of your daughter make you bitter, you have filled your heart with love for everyone who is suffering like yourself or Erin. Your daughter would be VERY proud of you, as should be anyone who knows you or knows of your contribution to the forgotten of this world. Every day in the media, drug-users are demonised. Some of the people who use drugs deserve this label, but a large majority don't! I have been a drug addict for 23 years, only gaining power over my addiction these last five or six years. I had used nearly everthing available in a large Australian city. At 16, I first started smoking pot, and within a year I was injecting Speed. I fought a running battle with amphetamines for years, before finding heroin. Addicted at 28 yrs old, I was on methadone and subutex programs for years, in and out of detox units. Finally I stopped using and now am looking to study to be a drug counsellor, and turn my experience into something positive by helping others. I wish you luck in your chosen fight. Send the dealers and importers to prison, and HEAL the addicted, before we lose another generation to this evil known as heroin. Geoff B.
Geoff Brown <geoff_brown@skyoptic.com.au>
Echuca, VIC Australia - Thursday, November 30, 2006世界上没有什么东西比人的意志还要厉害，希望我们都能够通过自己的意志来克服我们面前一切的困难。
CHEN XIAO NAN <v051@hotmail.com>
BEIJING, china CHINA - Wednesday, November 29, 2006Hello, I just happened to find this web sight and had an incredible urge to write you. I know you must get hundreds of these so I don't expect a reply. I am fighting heroin addiction. I have about 30 days clean, again. The excerpt from your daughters journal is sooo true. I was talking to my Mom this morning on the phone and explaining to her that when they say "just don't use" it is just not that easy. Opiate addicts brains are reprogramed to respond to anything, good or bad with "just use". This drug that destroys are lives also makes us feel what we think is normal. It is an awful thing. I know your daughter knew these exact feelings by the fact that she did call the crest that morning but the help they supplied her with was not stronger than her disease telling her "they don't understand, you know how to make yourself feel better". I pray for you and your family and I hope you will say a prayer for me. I also hope erin has found peace finally.
Adrienne
Adrienne <wichylady71@hotmail.com>
Albany, NY USA - Tuesday, November 28, 2006Mrs. Allen,
Thank you so much for sharing your daughter's story. It touched me very deeply. I am a recovering heroin addict myself. I have been clean for 5 years now and it has been the greatest challenge and greatest success of my life. I read the excerpt from Erin's journal and started to cry. I could have written those words. I was that person once and still would be that person if God had not decided to intervene. Erin was right, it cannot be done alone. I found your site by accident (or maybe not) while searching for something for work, but I am glad I did. I am truly sorry for your loss and very thankful you chose to share your daughter's story.
Nickey Anderson <nickeypooh3@aol.com>
Orlando, FL USA - Tuesday, November 28, 2006I am very sorry for your loss. I am currently suffering from addiction and have an idea of what your daughter was going through. I wish you peace of mind and happiness. God Bless You.
Magnus Carrero <Mcar428@aol.com>
Brooklyn, ny USA - Monday, November 27, 2006I found your web site by accident on Nov 12 and I wrote a brief about my involvement with people of Herion use. Well the person I wrote about, she passed away on Nov.18. Leaving behine her 22 yr old daughter and a 3 yr old granddaughter.I have never read Erins Story but I plan on buying the book and sending it to her daughter. Maybe It will help her to understand.
Juana <bacajc_22@hotmail.com>
Beaufort, NC USA - Saturday, November 25, 2006hello Mrs. Allen, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It's helpful to know the consequences of using drugs. Often people don't realize what drug addicts go through, and people never realize what they will do to get what they need. It really opened my eyes. Thank you. Michele
michele phillips <tigger494@aol.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006This is Thanksgiving Day. A time for families to be together and share their love. Some of us are not doing that because heroin has taken our loved ones away. Our lives will never be the same and we will go on missing them until we meet again. My son made bad choices and he paid the ultimate price, his life. Continuing to use will only put another mother leaving tributes and notes of sadness for a life now gone.
Carol Michael's Mom <heygiff@fastmail.fm>
Minneapolis, Mn USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006Mrs. Allen...I realy loved you presentation at Springer on Wendesday...I realy hope the rest of the other 8th graders got something out of it...I just hope that after seeing all of the terriable things that can happen to you no one will try heroin..i know i wont!!...Well thanks again for coming to springer!!...God Bless
Arrione <bubbie311@hotmail.com>
Wilmigton, DE USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006Hi Mrs Allen, I really liked your presentation at Springer. I think it showed a lot of kids what can really happen, and I know that most kids will not want to use drugs after seeing the pictures. I hope that your other daughter has learned and will never use heroin or any drug. It must have been very hard for you to speak to people about your daughter, and to write a book. Thank you for talking at our school
Mel <Melx23@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi Mrs. Allen, I recently read Dope Help during homeroom everyday for the past couple of days. Today you came to my school (Springer) and you truly opened my eyes to what's really happening around me. My dad told me couple of stories about some of his old friends that got involved and eventually died of heroin overdoses. I always knew that drugs were harmful and the wrong path to take, but i never knew how devastating they could be to so many people. I now know that thanks to you and our other two guest speakers. I wanted to thank you for having the courage to come to Springer and to inform me and my class mates about your daughters story, and the truth about what heroin does to you. Thank you again Mrs. Allen and I'll be sure to keep you & the Allen family in my prayers.
Samantha <Samanthax0xleigh@aol.com>
Wilmington, De USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006My daughter came home with your book and said you were coming to her school. I read the book "Dope Help" and felt very sad about the story and what you as a parent went through. My daughter came home and said she cried at your talk today about your daughter Erin. Please don't stop sharing these experiences and continue to help others with the same drug problems.
Theresa Carlini <flaviocarlini@comcast.net>
Wilmington , de USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi well after a hellish year of lies and hurt, my partner has finally got clean. he was on a methadone progamme,and was aload to take two weeks worth of medcine to Italy to visit his sister.I had suggested to him, he should stay longer and detox over there, out the way of temptation. He did not agree. While he was there i prayed for something to happen so he would have to stay a while longer.Well the next day he called and said he would not be home tomorrow as planned. There had been a terrorist alert at the airport he was flying from. Hehad to stay an extra week.By the time he got back home he had been through detox.Only one relapse sinc he go back seven weeks ago. I am so proud i new he could do it. It may have taken a long time but it can be done.I am hoping for the best but am fearing the worst. Good luck to all the people whos lives are being affected buy this evil drug.
kerry
london, England - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi well after a hellish year of lies and hurt, my partner has finally got clean. he was on a methadone progamme,and was aload to take two weeks worth of medcine to Italy to visit his sister.I had suggested to him, he should stay longer and detox over there, out the way of temptation. He did not agree. While he was there i prayed for something to happen so he would have to stay a while longer.Well the next day he called and said he would not be home tomorrow as planned. There had been a terrorist alert at the airport he was flying from. Hehad to stay an extra week.By the time he got back home he had been through detox.Only one relapse sinc he go back seven weeks ago. I am so proud i new he could do it. It may have taken a long time but it can be done.I am hoping for the best but am fearing the worst. Good luck to all the people whos lives are being affected buy this evil drug.
kerry
london, England - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi
I met you today at Springer Middle School. I pulled a quarter from you ear. I had no idea who you were when we first met. Your story moved me to tears. I have a beautiful 35 year old daughter with a background similar to Erin's except she never got involved with drugs or alchohol. I cant imagine living thru what you and husband had to go thru. Your daughter was so beautiful - inside and out. I am thanful and I want to help you in your mission. I am a professional childrens entertainer. I love children and love making them laugh. I would like to do a benefit show to help you with you work. You can reach me at 302 234-2874. Have you spoken to anyone about a movie? A docudrama could be seen by millions of parents and kids. I have contacts so if you are interested let me know. There is not doubt that your program will save at least one child at each
assembly. Your daughter would be proud. God Bless
You Bob Corson PS Feel free tov isit my website hwhodini.com. Ironically, the News Journal did a nice story about me in last weeks Crossroads - cover and centerspread. I am confident, I could help you raise money and I want nothing in return Bob Corson <hwhodini@aol.com>
Hockessin, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Words can't describe how your presentation was. I started to cry half way through because it seemed so sad. I just want to say thank you for coming to Springer Middle School to talk about your daughter and her addiction. I am sorry for your loss and you helped me and others realize that heroin is being used and we shouldn't ignore it. I hope your other presentations become as much of a success as the last. Thank you and i am deeply sorry. Sincerly, a concered student
Springer Student <Kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hello student from springer. I liked the program and it really taught me alot.Effects of drugs and how it doen't only affect the person doing it but peaople around you too. I can't imagine how the family members of the addicts feel. It must be really hard going through addiction with withdrawals and going back and forth. You seemed to still be proud of your daughter. Thats a good thing. I hope that Erins story insprires young people because it inspired me. It's amazing how something so small can ruin your whole life. I appreciated you taking your time to come to our school. Thank you.:)
Springer Middle School Student <kathleen.gibert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilimington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi, I'm a student at Springer Middle School, and you just came to our school for the Heroin Alert Program. When somebody told me that we were going to be reading a book about not doing drugs, I was annoyed. I had it set in my mind that I would never do drugs. But once I began reading Erin's story, I realized that once you start, it's not a matter of choosing to stop or not...the drug controls you. The Heroin Alert Presentation made me realize that the best way to stay off drugs is to never start. I sympathize to you and your family...I lost my mother to lung cancer about 8 months ago, and I know that no matter how hard you try, the hurt of death will never completely diminish. I salute you for having the strength to do what you do. Keep doing what you're doing because it WORKS! God Bless!
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi, im a student at Springer Middle school and im in the 8th grade. i just saw your presentation and i just wanted to say thank you. i never knew what kind of things can happen to you and your loved ones after you have taken or used herion. I thought the presentation was very good and informational and i even cried a little bit. i can see how sad you are about Erins death and i am so sorry. i wish you and your family the best of luck and i hope you will keep giving presentations to kids like me. thank you so much for taking your time to come to my school and talk to us about herion.
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington , DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Thank you so much for coming in today. I'm a student at Springer Middle School. I thought the presentation was a great way into letting us know how bad heroin is. I thought it was a really great presentation, and I don't think anyone of us is ever going to think about doing heroin. I'm glad that you came in, thanks again.
Springer student <Kathleen.gilbert.bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi, you just spoke to my school this morning. i was the one to ask you how you let go of Erin when she died. I really wanted to thank you for coming to our school because i had actually been meaning to ask someone that question for a while. I havent let go of a death yet and thats why i wanted to know. Anyway thanks for coming. I hope you do eventually let go but you will never forget her.
Springer STudent <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006I'd like to say that what happened to Erin was an exception and that something of this magnitude couldn't happen to an average girl. The truth is, too many young adolescent don't realize that their dreams to grow up, go to college, get married, and have children, this could all be ruined by making one decision. Yet this decision could demolish your life, family, dreams, thoughts, and friends. Thank you for coming to our school to talk about your daughter, it made a much bigger impact then you could ever possibly guess.
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hi Mrs. Allen. I am a student at Springer Middle School and I am very thankful that you came to our school today to give your presentation. It was very informative and helpful. I hope Theresa never gets involved in drugs or alcohol. I am extremely sorry about your loss.
Springer Student
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006Hello Mrs. Allen, my class just read your book. I can't wait to see you tommorow. I want to hear your story in perso.
Shayla <shaybeans@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006i swould like to say that i read your book in school this last week and it made me think about what could happen. This is what i want to avoid in my life. This may not be the same for my brother. He was a very nice person to be with but then he started to smoke. That isn't that bad i just don't want him to get into other stuff that could kill him. My brother is only 18 years old. My parents are smokers and very heavy to say. I don't think that they are very much of a help to him but he knows what happens when you smoke. He has seen it happen and i don't want him to have to suffer with his mistake that may be fatal!I hope that he doesn't keep up with this habbit that he has got.
Springer Middle School student <skater0122@aol.com>
wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006Hi, I'm a student at Springer Middle School. We read the book about Erin to prepare us for your visit to our school tomorrow. I just wanted to say that I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My uncle was a heroin addict for about 30 years, but has been clean for 8. I hope he stays clean for the rest of his life.
Shannon <Smwf17@comcast.net>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006Hi. I am a student at Springer Middle School and we are doing a Heroin Alert program right now. We just read Erin's book. I am terribly sorry about what happened to her and to you. It is a terrible tragedy and I hope it never happens again. I hope Theresa never gets into drugs. Erin's story is one both informative and horrifying. It really shows what can happen when you get mixed up in bad stuff. I am sorry about your loss.
Ben <Crazyboy008@comcast.net>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006My younger sister died about a year and a half ago of a Heroin overdose. She was 19. She, too, told my dad to play "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd at her funeral if she ever died. We played it. Thank you for telling us about Erin. I went out looking for websites because it's been a difficult night. Sometimes I need to connect with people who have shared my experiences.
sarah <sph15@comcast.net>
USA - Monday, November 20, 2006My name is Jamaal, i was in the Crest Program when with Erin. I would like to be part of your program. If theor is anything that i can do please contact me...
Jamaal T. <vernthomps@comcast.net>
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, November 18, 2006I am the mother of a 40 year son. He has been doing drugs since he's a teenager.He is living with me because otherwise he would be homeless. He is good man. Never stolen from me.He wants to get clean, but it's been a tough go for him. I would appreciate any advice I could get. Thank you Look forward to hearing from you Catherine M Paulus <catpaulus@sbcglobal.net>
San Francisco, CA USA - Saturday, November 18, 2006Reading this story brings tears to my eyes. I too was addicted to heroin and have been struggling with my addiction for the last 3 years. I can proudly say that I have been clean for almost a year now...but it isn't easy. Reading about her trip to the blood bank seemed so familiar. I remember being sick and needed to get some blood test done and when they took blood from me, I had all the emotions that she had. I didn't end up using after it...but it took all my friends to keep me in a good mood and my mind off of it...if not, I probably would have relapsed. To all of you that are still struggling, please get help. Third time was a charm for me. Anyone can do it...you just need to admit you have a problem and let people help you.
Amanda <mandee2858@comcast.net>
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, November 16, 2006I just wanted to express my sorrow for Erin. I like to say that I met Erin, we were both in a rehab together. She was a beautiful person that i ever met. I think back on a day that she opened her mouth and i was shocked to learn that she could sing. Her voice sounded like an angel, i will never forget how pretty she was on the outside as well as the inside. She always has a place in my heart. She is deeply missed.
Tamatha Wiseman <ttswtgirl@netzero.com>
Newcastle, DE USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2006I just wanted to express my sorrow for Erin. I like to say that I met Erin, we were both in a rehab together. She was a beautiful person that i ever met. I think back on a day that she opened her mouth and i was shocked to learn that she could sing. Her voice sounded like an angel, i will never forget how pretty she was on the outside as well as the inside. She always has a place in my heart. She is deeply missed.
Tamatha Wiseman <ttswtgirl@netzero.com>
Newcastle, DE USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2006Marie, My heart goes out to you.I can t even imagine the pain yu must feel from the loss of Erin. But God Loved Her. and he is now using her life story to help a dying world of addicts. God works in mysterious ways. He loves the drug addict. I have never read your book but I plan to get a copy.
Juana <bacajc_22@hotmail.com>
Beaufort, NC USA - Sunday, November 12, 2006I am a divorce of a herion addict.We have been divorced for many years and he became a herion addict about 14 years ago.He spent a few years in prison in Santa Fr New Mexico. Where he nearly lost his life in a gang fight that left him disable.He also lost a child that he never seen while in prison. His girlfriend was also a herion addict, and the child was taken by social services at birth, and put in foster care in another state. A few years after that he became involved with another woman and they did herion together for 7 years. He went to California and ended up in jail. He is now still in California and is on parole. He is on disability SS and he is s
